Chapter 42: Fun & Farewell

Bella POV

After the initial shock of the car turning up, I made the decision to take it to the Cullen's. I felt absolutely awful for accepting this last gift from Gyda when I didn't deserve it. I didn't care how desperate for a car I was, it wasn't worth the way I receivedit. I didn't deserve it, so taking it to the Cullen's was more ideal. They could keep it in their garage, and hopefully one day, if she ever came back, Gyda could use it herself.

"Bella. Gyda wanted you to have it. How do you think she'd feel if she came back and found it in Cullen's garage and not yours?"

Paul had been trying his best to convince me to keep it. But he didn't understand why I couldn't. To receive this gift from Gyda, I had to send her away. Spitefully, might I add. My reckless thoughts got me this car.

"Paul, you know I can't keep it! What message would that give her? "Oh, she'll take a car from me but not my company?""

He sighed "Gyda doesn't think like that. She only wants what's best for you, and gifting you this car is helping you with that-"

"-I'm sorry Paul. I'm decided on this. I won't talk about it anymore"

He huffed but let it go. I hated arguing with him, but this was my decision. I followed the familiar path towards the Cullen's house and pulled up outside, just as Esme and Jasper came down to meet us. I had to admit, this car drove like a dream.

"Hi Bella. We heard you coming. What's this?" Esme asked, gesturing to the car.

I jumped down from the driver's side and slammed the door behind me. Paul winced.

"Hi Esme. This is a gift from Gyda but I can't accept it, so I was hoping it would be alright if I left it with you?"

I felt Jasper's intense stare but I ignored him, focusing on Esme as she looked at me in a strange way. It was like she was trying to figure out why I was being so petty. It would have been good if I could read minds right about now.

"You want to give back Gyda's gift?" she said, slowly, as if speaking to a dumb person.

I nodded "That's right"

Paul huffed again and crossed his arms over his chest. I had warned him not to get involved.

Esme and Jasper shared a look "Well, Bella, we'd happily keep it here, if that's what you want, but what's Gyda going to think when she finds it at our house and not your own?"

I shrugged "I'm sorry, but I can't take it. What would Gyda think if I kept it? I don't want her thinking I want her in my life if she's going to buy me stuff!-" I was interrupted by the calmness I felt ripple through my body. I shot a look at Jasper "-Jasper do you mind? I don't want to feel calm!"

Esme put a hand on Jasper's shoulder "Take the car into the garage-" then she turned to me "-I really enjoy your company Bella and I think you're a great girl, but if Gyda finds out about this and it upsets her, I won't be happy with you. Gyda is like a daughter to me and I don't like it when my children are unhappy" she warned, before leaving to enter the house again, without a second glance. Jasper didn't say anything as he climbed into the car and drove it into the garage. He didn't come out to see us off.

"I told you it was a bad idea" Paul said. I cringed at his tone.

I rubbed my face with a hand "Yeah, alright, I know. But it's done now, so now I can move on-"

He scoffed "Move on? Bella, Gyda is gone and you want to move on?"

"No, not like that! Not move on like, completely forget about her, but I'm just tired of being sad all of the time Paul! Whilst it was my fault Gyda left, she still left, she didn't talk to me about it! I didn't physically push her away, did I? I'm exhausted Paul! I'm just so exhausted-" oh great. Why couldn't my traitor tears wait until we were in a more private setting?

He sighed and came to wrap his arms around me "It'll be alright baby. We'll figure something out" he crouched in front of me, inviting me to jump onto his back.

"You can't carry me all the way back to La Push" I sniffed noisily.

He laughed "I wasn't planning too. Just to the trees over there and then my wolf will carry you the rest of the way" he smiled.

I managed a teary chuckle as I jumped on. We didn't go back to La Push, I decided I wanted to see my dad. He was a part of Grandma Inola's life like we all were and I had left him to grief alone. Some daughter I am. I asked Paul to set me down on my own feet at the driveway then I knocked on the door. Huh, he didn't answer. I turned to check if his cruiser was in the driveway, it was. I knocked louder.

"Bella, do you hear giggling?" Paul said, pressing his ear to the door. I furrowed my brow and did the same and sure enough, a woman's giggle was coming from inside the house.

I automatically shrunk away from the door, fully cringed out "Ew, is that what is sounds like?"

Paul snickered "I think your dad has a new girlfriend"

I squeezed my eyes shut in cringe "Oh God, I did not know that! Can you tell who it is?" I asked him. Whilst I didn't want to listen to my dad, doing that, I wanted to know who had caught his eye, finally!

"Oh crap! It's Melinda! Look!" Paul steered me to the left a little to look through the gap in the window next to the front door. I could see Charlie sitting in the kitchen, with Melinda straddled across his lap and –

"Ewww! Oh God! Let's go! I can't see my father like that!" I ran away with a laughing Paul chasing after me. Why didn't Charlie tell me this? Had they been seeing each other for long?

"Did you know they were seeing each other?" Paul asked as he opened the door to the diner. We decided to grab some lunch and now I didn't know if I could ever come to the diner again and look at Melinda with a straight face after- I shivered. After that. Paul thought it was hilarious.

"Oh come on! The guy wants some loving, that's not so bad!"

I pulled a menu towards me and focused on choosing food "I suppose it was my own fault for going over there in the first place. But I'm glad he's happy at least, and he has someone-"

"-someone to love back" he snickered. I slapped his head with the menu.

"Choose your food or we're leaving and you can starve until dinner!" I threatened jokingly.

Later, we decided to go and see Angela and Quil. Well, Paul went to see Quil at the undisclosed secret location he was keeping from Angela, and I went to Quil's house to see Angela.

"Bella! Come in! Oh my God, it's so good to see you!" Ange pulled me into a hug.

"Aw, well I thought I'd come and see how you're doing! How are you doing?" I asked. Angela led me to the backyard, where she was sitting on the porch with a cup of tea and a book.

"I'm doing great! No more sickness, thank God! I have some exciting news, but we haven't told the rest of the pack yet, so keep it to yourself until we announce it-"

I sat down "-I promise! What is it?"

"Well, I had my first scan yesterday, and we found out the baby's gender"

My hands flew to my mouth "Oh, go on! Go on!"

She giggled "Well, what do you think we're having? A boy or a girl?"

Oh man. I thought for a second. I tried picturing Ange holding a newborn baby and all I could see was a little boy.

She laughed when I told her "Well, isn't it weird? I had a dream a few nights ago and I saw myself pushing a stroller with a baby boy inside sleeping. So, we're having a boy!"

I squealed and jumped up and down in my seat. Holy crap! Angela and Quil were having a boy, oh my gosh! "Oh Ange! This is so exciting! I bet Quil is over the moon-"

"-oh he is! But I think he secretly wanted a daughter, you know, someone to be daddy's little girl and all that. But he just wants a healthy baby, and so far, things are great! Oh and thank you for the clothes from Sweden! They're so beautiful!"

Gosh, what was wrong with me? Whenever someone mentioned Sweden I froze up, the guilt washing over me again and again.

"Bella? Are you okay?" Ange asked, stroking my arm with a comforting hand.

I shook my head, trying to snap myself out of it "Yeah, all good. I guess I just miss Gyda, but it's my own fault, right?" I laughed weakly.

Angela tutted sympathetically "Has she contacted you at all?"

I briefly told Angela the car story and that the note inside was all of the contact I had from her since she had left.

"She bought you a car? Really? Where is it?"

"I took it to the Cullen's. I figured I didn't deserve it, you know, after I was the one that made her leave in the first place. How could I have accepted it Ange?"

Angela hummed "I can understand why you think that, but honestly Bella? I think Gyda meant well when she bought it for you. You have been going on about not having your own, so Gyda fixed that-"

"-ugh-" I rubbed my face with my hands "-that's what Paul said too. Am I a terrible person for giving it back?"

Angela chuckled softy "Not at all. But I think it would be good to try and contact her if you can. It might help you get rid of this guilt you're feeling. Do you have her number?"

I scoffed "I've tried calling and calling but she never answers. I think she might have ditched her phone somewhere-"

"-let's go to the Cullen's right now and talk to them-" she suggested, getting up.

I cringed "I don't think they want to see me right now. They're pretty upset with me that I gave the car back-"

"-but did you explain why you did? I think it would be good to talk to the people that know Gyda the best. It might give you a little closure"

I shrugged my shoulders and stood up with her. I guess it wasn't such a bad idea, talking to the Cullen's. It was better than sitting here not being able to do anything to get her back at any rate. Maybe Angela was right, maybe I needed some closure to this guilt and then I could do more to bring her home.

Gyda POV

The Norse Festival London. I'd always read about it or seen pictures on various social media accounts, but I'd never been to one. Well, I knew where Carlisle and I were going today. Let's see just how accurate their costumes were.

"Luckily the sun isn't up today, we can go for a walk somewhere" Carlisle said. He hadn't drank any of his coffee, and it'd been left to go cold. What a waste! We'd been sat in this dingy café all night. Carlisle had got it all out of his system and did his best to convince me to come home. I still continued to decline the offer.

"Well, seeing as you won't go away, we're going where I want to go today"

He chuckled guiltily "Fair enough. What do you have in mind?"

I smiled wickedly "Well, a little birdie told me there was a Norse Festival just down the road. So, what do you reckon?" I smirked. He didn't have a choice if he wasn't going to leave me alone. I'd make this as painful for him as I could.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

Have you forgot what happened last night already? I'm not sure if you are strong enough

I groaned "I'll be the judge of how strong I am, thanks Carlisle. Besides, I want to go. I want to see how many horned helmets I can count" I picked his cold coffee up and drained it, then stood to leave. He followed my lead.

"If you feel at all like you're losing control, get out as soon as possible" he warned me with a hard hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off.

"Have a little faith Carlisle"

The festival wasn't hard to find, but I hadn't expected it to be this crowded. Everywhere my eyes met and further than that, painted shields and softened armour were seen. They even wore the bloody same sort of footwear as we did. What do you know?! We followed the procession of people down the busy street that had been closed for the festival.

Try not to touch anyone Gyda.

I chuckled "Was already thinking that Carlisle. Hey look, let's dress up" I motioned to a booth to our right that sold outfits fit for the festival. I was quick to choose something similar to what I used to wear. A navy blue tunic with a small piece of rope holding the top together, brown trousers with matching brown calf high faded leather boot. I didn't bother with armour, it would only bring back awful memories and besides, who was I fighting today? Ha!

I passed the clerk a few twenty pound notes, he offered cloaks but I declined, and turned to Carlisle.

"Here you are-" I threw Carlisle his outfit. I picked out a brown long sleeved tunic for him and the same brown trousers as me, but he had ankle high brown leather boots and I even bought him a leather belt to hold his fake axe in. Haha! I was enjoying myself way too much!

He looked at it with distaste "Is this really necessary?"

I pretended to be offended "You can't join in with a Norse Festival Carlisle if you don't look the part! Go and find somewhere to get change or you can always leave" he rolled his eyes and I smirked at his retreating back as he left to find the nearest wood probably. I myself didn't care about privacy. Besides, the sun wasn't shining today so I may as well make the most of the overcast. I stripped off where I stood, causing a few wandering eyes to linger.

Woah! Look at that body! I wonder if she'd say yes if I asked her out?

How can she make pale look so good? Maybe I should cancel my tanning appointment tomorrow?

Damn! I have to get her number!

I rolled my eyes and smirked as I tied the boots up and adjusted my position. I balled up my old clothes and handed them to the clerk behind the booth, who still had his mouth hung open.

"You couldn't keep these safe for me could you mate? Just keep them behind here or something, I'm not bothered" I handed him the ball of clothes and he took them quickly.

Maybe if I keep em' safe for 'er, she'll give me her number!

I smirked "We'll see" I told him.

"Gyda, I really don't think this suits me" Carlisle's voice came from behind. I turned and laughed. Oh wow, I'd chosen very well.

"Damn Carlisle, you almost look like a Viking. Almost. You just need-" I quickly scanned the row of booths along the street and saw what I needed. I ran over, human speed, and bought some black face paint. I smirked as I walked back to Carlisle and smeared most of it across his eyes, all the while he groaned.

"This isn't what I had in mind when I thought of finding you" he complained, standing awkwardly with his arms crossed in front of him. I sniggered.

"Well, you always have the option to leave me alone" I pointed out. I smeared some of the black paint across my own eyes and tossed the rest in the bin.

That was never an option

I smirked, enjoying his discomfort "Well come on then, chop chop! Search deep for your Viking soul and follow me!" I laughed as he rolled his eyes.

The festival wasn't all that bad, really. I hadn't counted any horned helmets yet, so I guess people knew about that being propaganda against us. Oh wait, nope, there's one. Over there. I rolled my eyes when I saw the guy wearing it had his beard braided with a bead in the end. Honestly, that style wasn't even in during my time. Where the hell did they get their inspiration from?

I was about to ask Carlisle a question, but we were interrupted by gasps from the crowd around us. I looked up and -oh for God's sake! Really?

"Time to take cover" I warned Carlisle. The sun was coming out now, and the humans couldn't be happier about it. I led Carlisle over to an alley that was covered with absolute shadow and watched the progression of the sun for a few minutes. It didn't look like it'd be out for a long time, but of course, we were stuck here until it was gone.

"Carlisle, can you check the weather please?" I asked him.

"Where's your phone?" he asked, pulling his phone out and tapping away.

I chuckled "Probably at the tip by now"

He groaned "Well, according to BBC weather, it's not going overcast again until 3pm. Why didn't we check the weather before coming here?"

"Because I didn't think we'd need to. It's alright, there's a hall playing folk music a few hundred metres that way-" I pointed to the left of the opening of the alleyway "-I think we'd benefit from some of those cloaks now" I walked to the edge of the alley and waited for someone to walk past that wore a deep blue cloak. Kind of similar to what we used to wear, these were obviously made with much more care, but I wasn't being fussy. I didn't want to stay here all day. This was my first Norse Festival experience and I didn't want it marred with images of this bloody alleyway. Two men walked past and I stopped them with a hand on one of their shoulders.

"Listen mate, I need both of your cloaks-"

"-they aren't for sale" one of them retorted. I rolled my eyes and pulled a few fifty pound notes from my pocket "Are they for sale now?" I asked, slipping him the money.

He chuckled as he unclasped his own, and his friend did the same "Take them. Thanks" he said, holding the cash up, then they were on their way.

I threw one of the cloaks to Carlisle "Sorted. Put it on and then we can find the hall-"

"-you know I always thought blue suited me, but now I'm not so sure" he said to himself, looking at the cloak draped over his body. I pulled the hood up for him, making sure it covered his face and I did the same with mine. Once we were completely covered, we stepped out into the sunlight and headed straight for the hall.

"I think Wardruna are playing, can you hear?" I said to Carlisle.

"Yes, it sounds very good. We'll have to stay indoors until the clouds cover again. Stay close to me Gyda" he warned. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not going to run off Carlisle, I don't want to miss this" I laughed.

The hall was small, dark and crowded with people listening to Wardruna play. Ah, this was a good one. Carlisle and I dropped our hoods and stood at the back of the hall, away from the humans.

Do you know the name of this song?

I looked at him thoughtfully "Helvegen. It's a song about the journey one would take after death, into the afterlife"

He smiled at me and placed a friendly hand on my shoulder and we stood and listened to the song. It resonated through me, bringing back memories without being able to control it. Carlisle would be seeing it now. This song, my memories playing like a movie, or a music video if you would. I watched him from the corner of my eye and he laughed as he watched them play inside his mind.

That is absolutely extraordinary! I didn't know you had this ability

I chuckled "It's something, isn't it?"

The song ended and the crowd applauded Einar Selvik, who raised his hand in thanks. Carlisle and I followed what the crowd was doing and applauded along too, trying to keep up with the human charade, until the next song started and this time a space in the middle of the hall was made for people to dance if they wanted.

Kvitravn started to play and I was instantly transported back to my human life. Dancing to a song similar to this with Cnute in the Earl's hall after a successful raid. I closed my eyes for a moment and let the memory wash over me. As the song started to get more intense, I offered my hand to Carlisle.

"I really don't think we should Gyda-"

"-oh come on, let's dance-"

"-how do you dance to a song like this?" he pleaded. I sniggered.

I led him forward to the centre of the space, where the humans immediately made room for us "Just let the music flow through you and dance how it makes you feel" I said and when I started to dance, I felt something. A connection with my human life. Something I had been desperate to find for all of these years of my existence. The humans dancing along with me had no idea. Some watched as I twirled and stomped my feet in time with the beat, another human man tried to take my hand and lead me into a rhythm that I wasn't going to participate in because no one but Carlisle understood my need to dance to this song alone. I wasn't in this hall in the middle of London, I was back in Uppsala, back in Earl Gunnar's hall dancing with Cnute, whilst my little Har watched and cheered from the side of the hall where he stood with his father. The cloak I wore swayed around me as I moved and though Carlisle did not dance with me, he stood to the side, watching me with a huge smile on his face. Was this making him happy?

This is beautiful Gyda.

Other thoughts penetrated my mind from the crowd that had gathered to watch.

She must have taken classes to dance like that! One of them thought.

Another How could she make dancing to this look so easy?

I smirked as the song ended and I bowed low for the crowd that had gathered to watch me. Einar himself applauded me and thanked the crowd again for the support. I made my way back to Carlisle and pulled him to the side.

"You should have joined me, that was the best fun I've had in my entire existence"

He chuckled "I wasn't about to interrupt something that clearly meant something to you. You looked… happy, Gyda. Were you happy?" he asked.

I took a minute to make up my mind. Did dancing to music from my home country, or near enough, make me happy? Hell yes!

"I am happy to be here, if that's what you're asking. You can take a hunting break if you want to, I'm not going to go anywhere, trust me-"

"-I don't need to hunt and I'm certainly not willing to miss watching you in your element. Maybe I will dance with you on the next song" he smiled. I walked over to get myself a drink when Carlisle's phone started to ring.

"Alice" he answered it curtly. I rolled my eyes and walked around the hall, observing how the humans enjoyed a festival like this one. One bloke had his whole face and neck covered in Nordic tattoos, ugh, of course he'd have a raven. Typical. They knew nothing. Carlisle found me a minute later.

Alice called to tell me. Bella has returned your gift. It's at our house.

"What? Why the hell would she give it back? I bought it for her!" I was outraged! Could that girl except nothing?

Esme and Jasper had a talk with her and Bella seems to think she doesn't deserve your kindness. She blames herself for you leaving. I can see why she wouldn't want to keep the car.

Oh, well that made sense, I supposed. But she shouldn't feel guilty about accepting the car. I bought it for her because she had been non-stop thinking about one for months, so I'd sorted it for her. I thought she'd be grateful and just take it. Maybe I'd have to work harder to get her to accept it.

Esme is worried about you Gyda.

"Tell Esme I'm fine. If Bella doesn't want the car, she doesn't want the car. What do you want me to do about it? Let Rosalie have it or something, I couldn't care less right now-" Wardruna started playing another song; Fehu. I pushed Carlisle's concern for my happiness out of my mind and joined in with the human crowd. I wasn't going to let anything spoil my day today. I'd worry about it all tomorrow.

We'll talk later Gyda Carlisle thought. I nodded to him once, then pretended like the phone call had never happened. I encouraged him to do the same, but it seemed he was on edge, waiting for me to snap.

"Carlisle, I'm not going to do anything stupid. Promise" I put a hand on his shoulder, and let another memory overcome his mind. He laughed as it ended and joined me in a dance that I led. He twisted and twirled me, lifted me into the air and stomped along to the beat of the drum, keeping in time with me. The rest of the afternoon passed by like a blur. I lost myself to enjoyment, finally feeling a connection with my long lost human life.

It wasn't so bad, this existence. Now I suppose Carlisle and I had bonded. The song ended again and everyone applauded. It looked like Wardruna were going to take a break from performing and it was dark outside now, so Carlisle and I were free to leave the safety of the hall.

Once outside, Carlisle burst out laughing. I eyed him suspiciously, but I couldn't help myself either. I joined in with him. I can't believe I got Carlisle, Carlisle, to dance with me!

"Oh Gyda, you were right. It was a lot of fun. Do you feel okay? Do you need to hunt?" he asked, suddenly turning into his normal professional self.

I rolled my eyes "Do my eyes look black to you? I'm fine! Do you need too?" I asked.

He shook his head "Well, I might head into the closest wood, always better to be safe. I won't be long. Could you keep hold of my phone for me please?" he handed me the phone, patted my shoulder and left.

Then I heard Please don't leave again Gyda.

I let out a puff of air, out of habit. What was I going to do now? So much for enjoying a lone existence Gyda! Spending time with Carlisle had made me realise a few things. One, people did care about me and want me. Two, maybe it wouldn't be all bad to go back and live with the Cullen's. It was clear they wanted me to come back. I supposed I could go back, and just leave Bella alone, if it were what she wanted. But I didn't want that. I wanted to be in her life. I wanted to look after her and- no. That was Paul's job. But Charlie was still my grandson. I could be in his life. He might not push me away. Ugh, this was ridiculous. It wasn't even my choice. I wasn't even in a position to offer the choice to either of them, being here. But I found I didn't want to go back yet. I needed this break, away from the drama, away from everything. I needed to find my purpose again, and I still didn't know what exactly that was.

I thought about calling Paul, talk to him about it. He was still okay with me, right? He would talk to me if I called, wouldn't he? I toyed with Carlisle's phone in my hand. Should I just do it?

"What's the harm?" I mumbled to myself, scrolling through Carlisle's contacts. I clicked call and waited for the phone to ring.

"Hey Carlisle. Is everything okay?"

I hesitated. What was I going to say to him?

"Hello? Carlisle?"

"It's not Carlisle"

I could heard the mechanics in his brain work together to pin-point the voice.

"Gyda? Is that you?" I fought to roll my eyes. Who else would it bloody be?

"Yeah, it's me. How is-" I stopped myself from saying her name. Would he be angry with me for mentioning it?

"Are you okay Gyda? Where are you?"

"London. Don't worry, forget I even called. Sorry to interrupt whatever you were doing-"

"-no, hold on. Don't go! If you want to talk, talk to me. Bella isn't here if that's what you're worrying about. She's spending the day with Charlie. Come on, talk to me, tell me what's wrong and why you left"

So, he wasn't angry with me? Ugh, it was so hard to judge people's emotions when I couldn't read their minds!

"Uh, well, I don't really know, I guess I just- I suppose I-"

"-it's okay. Was it something to do with something Bella thought when you were at the airport with her?"

"It's not Bella's fault, I hope she knows that"

He chuckled "You know Bella, of course she blames herself. She just wants you to come home, we all do"

I sighed "I'm not ready to come back Paul, I have stuff to do, things to figure out-"

"What kind of things? Talk to me! Get it all off your chest"

I smirked "Sorry bossy boots. I suppose I want to give everyone a break from my presence for a while. I know I'm a lot to take on and I don't want to be that burden on Bella. It was my fault she wasn't with you all when Grandma Inola died. I'm really sorry to hear about that by the way, did you catch the vampire that did it?"

"Seth and Leah took it out straight away. The guys searched for other scents but we think it was alone. Just a nomad passing through. Thanks for the condolences, but I'm good. If you came back, I'd tell you all about it, God there's so much to tell you! Just come back for a little bit-"

"-Sorry Paul. I just called to see if everything was okay there. Is Bella okay? How is she doing?"

"She's doing fine. Missing you but, uh, I don't know if you already know, but the car-"

"-yeah, Alice called Carlisle about that. Tell her I insist she accept it, I know she needs a car and I can't return it now, I lost the receipt" I chuckled.

"I'll pass that onto her. Esme isn't happy with her right now, but she's just worried about you. She sees you as another daughter to her now-" he chuckled "-she sure does love you, that's for sure"

Ugh! Now I felt guilty. Did Esme really think like that?

"Like I said, I'm not ready to come back yet. I need to sort some stuff out, in my head, you know-"

"-you don't have to explain yourself to me. I get it. Take all the time you need, I'll look after Bella, don't worry. So why are you in London?"

I chuckled "I don't know. It was the first place I could think of when I was leaving. That's probably why Carlisle found me so quickly, Alice had already seen where I had decided to go-" I laughed nervously "-and Edward isn't here. Just Carlisle. But it's okay, we're having a blast"

He laughed "Oh yeah? What are you two crazy kids getting up too?"

"The Norse Festival of course. We've spent the whole day dancing, who would have thought Carlisle could dance to folk music if he put his mind to it?" I laughed.

"I would have paid to see that! Listen Gyda, is there anything I can do to help you? I hate to think you left because you felt unwanted"

Well, drat. I was hoping no one would know that was the real reason.

"I'll be okay, soon enough. Don't worry about me, I can look after myself. I'm going to send Carlisle home tomorrow, and if you can get hold of Edward, tell him the same. I don't want to see him yet. I'm not ready to see anyone really. Can you do that for me please Paul?"

He sighed "Sure, I'll do that for you. But please promise you'll come back one day and don't wait for us to be too old, though Bella and I aren't ageing anytime soon" he laughed.

"I'll be as quick as I can, promise. Tell Bella I love her and to take care of herself. Tell Charlie the same please, and probably best you mention that to Esme too, even though I'll probably be in the doghouse when I get back" I laughed.

"I doubt anyone would be mad at you. Do what you need to do, I'll pass on the messages. If you ever need to talk to someone, just call me-"

"-I threw my phone away. I figured Edward would try and track my location using it" I doubted that was the way he would do it, but I didn't want to risk it. Not only that, I wanted to leave everything behind.

"Then get a new one! It's not the first phone you've had to buy again-" he chuckled "-look after yourself Gyda. See you again, soon"

I wasn't as brave as I made out to be. I wish I were, but I just wasn't. Being alone was hard but being in company was even harder for me. It wasn't just family to me, it was more than that. These people that I knew back in America were more than family to me, they were the meaning to the rest of my existence. I didn't want to be a nomad anymore, but I wasn't ready to give it up yet.

"Yeah, see you again Paul" I hung up before I told him I was coming back. Because I was already having the internal debate inside my head. Do I or don't I? But no, this was necessary for me. I needed to tie up loose ends if it were. I needed to come to peace with the fact that my human life was gone now, and I had to let it go. I needed to let my lonely existence go and move on. But to do that I needed to live it once again.

It would be alright. I'd be fine, I'm a big girl. Until we meet again.