Determined to push forwarded after what happened yesterday and the promise she made with Killian. Emma walked up the stairs to the loft carrying her case files in her hands trying her best not to turn around and run but face her past. They felt so heavy, but she just kept climbing finally realising that if anything in this box was going to make her parents leave, they'd already be gone. Everything has defiantly felt different since they found out the truth about Emma and Regina's past. For that matter Emma wanted to know more about what happened.
"There you are" David said breathing a sigh of relief, followed by a look of confusion after seeing what she was carrying assuming Emma didn't want anything more to do with those files.
"Emma you can't just disappear like that" Mary Margret said coming over to her closing the door behind Emma.
"I'm sorry, I just thought you might want to read some of this" Emma said walking over to the table placing the box there.
There was shocked silence as the last time that the case files entered their life's it was meet with extreme hostility from Emma not wanting to delve into her past at all now, she was inviting it in. They weren't sure how to react standing there with stun expressions for a moment.
"It's not much, but this is it all I have of my life before" Emma said with a shrug.
"We don't have to go through all that if you don't want us to" David said trying to reassure Emma.
"I want you too" Emma replied it wasn't necessarily true, but she was beginning to understand thing from their point of view they just wanted to get to know her more the good and the bad.
"Ok, then" Mary Margret said coming over to Emma. Not sure herself if she wanted to know everything if it would just cement her guilt for not being there for her daughter.
The three of them sat down around the table the box in the middle Emma wasn't really sure exactly what she would find. Not remembering every moment of her childhood even repressing some memories it would be good to have a clearer picture for herself. Slowly Mary Margret pulled the first lump of files out finding Emma's birth certificate a lot it was important documents and medical records but as they dove deeper, they could see the obsession there as well. Some of the notes left about Emma by Emily where downright terrifying.
Unexpectedly she found a photo of Lily amongst some of the chaos and bad memories this was all so strange, much more then what a sane woman would have kept. The notes she took weren't the standard information one needed to collect on a case but intricate notes full of opinions and emotions and hints she was working with someone else.
On the back of the photo was a date scribbled and underneath it had a big red cross marked as if to say this problem has been dealt with. This gave Emma a sinking hopeless feeling that Lily was gone but she couldn't give up if Emma had a shot at a family so did Lily.
There's a lot of situations like that they want to keep you but there not allowed to know that I think about Emily probably the one making sure every single adoption fell through. All this time Emma thought nobody wanted her, but it was Emily pulling the strings manipulating every interaction Emma had with a potential family. Making sure it would go wrong in some way and Emma would feel unwanted. This didn't make her feel any better about any of it though just like learning her parents never abandoned her. The emotional damage had already been done and knowing why just made more tragic. Especially when they eventually they came across information about her time with Regina. Emily kept matriculas notes of their interaction like it was an experiment that she was planning on mentioning in her published biography.
Reading over some of the comments made by Emily was too much for David he decided it was time for a break. Emily had referred to Emma as the subject reading that word over so many times he could feel himself about to break. He placed the documents down and stood up suddenly.
"What are you doing" Mary Margret asked annoyed.
"I just need some air" David said gabbing his jacket and walking out feeling the need to hit something, reading all this wasn't bringing him any closure.
Emma stopped reading looking down questioning if this was a good idea realising that she may just push them away after all. It was becoming clear there were no answers to find in the documents a simpler way would be to ask Emily but that was clearly no longer possible.
"It's not you, his mad at" Mary Margret said reaching for Emma's hand sensing her discomfort.
"Sure" Emma replied unenthusiastically.
This whole idea was backfiring Emma was supposed to feel relief from going through all this with her parents that was the plan after all. Emma realised this wasn't really opening up, going through all these files was the easy way of sharing her past without actually having to talk about it. That was always so much harder having to find the words to express how Emma was feeling. Ever since everything had happened in the last week, she could tell they wanted to know more about everything especially anything involving Regina and Emma. Emma could feel the tension like a bomb could go off any moment, like this was truly the worst thing Regina could have done to them. However, that was one subject Emma still defiantly wasn't ready for.
"Emma, what made you want to read through these today?" Mary Margret asked giving up on reading.
"I don't know I thought it would make me feel better, have some closure" Emma replied.
"I thought I wanted to read it two, but it's mostly just ramblings of a mad women" Mary Margret said frustrated and feeling more guilty than ever.
Emma stayed quiet nodding her head agreeing with what she had to say but again she was fooled by Emily's games her whole life, she never saw through it. Always certain it was her issues and not anyone else's getting in the way of finding a family or any sort of stable situation even friends for that matter.
"I should have seen it" Emma said looking down another photo of her with Emily disgusted at the sight.
"It's not always clear who the villain is" Mary Margret said thoughtful her mind wondering back to her own past.
Mary Margret flicked over another page with notes detailing a visit Regina had with Emma it was dated back eleven years ago when Emma was five. There was nothing there that answered any of the questions Mary Margret had. About what had happened between them, why Emma never mentioned it, just any detail about Emma's childhood that was nice memory. There were more photos as well they were vastly different though. Obviously taken without knowledge of the subjects, showing Emily's obsession more clearly. However, it was good, nice even if slightly heartbreaking. To see Emma sharing those moments with Regina but nice to see Emma having at least one good childhood moment. Emma looked over at what had caught Mary Margret's attention verbally expressing her surprise to see a moment in time she had long forgotten.
"Do you remember any of this?" Mary Margret asked not sure if she'd even get a response.
"Those few memories I have, they were nice how can I have nice memories with her, how can I associate anything to do with Regina as positive" Emma replied confused.
"You're talking about my stepmother" Mary Margret replied with a smile.
"So, you have some good memories to?" Emma asked.
"I always saw some good in there, but it doesn't matter she didn't act on it. What's deep down inside not important it's what you do, that decides who you are" Mary Margret said with resolve.
"Yeah, and she killed someone and then rescued me, what do I make of that" Emma said confused wondering what that adds up to.
"I used to think she cared for me, but it was an act, one she held up for a long time" Mary Margret replied remembering the lengths Regina went to destroy her happiness. What if saving Emma gaining her trust, was just another attempt. A way to get close to what she loved most.
The truth was Mary Margret cringed at he thought picturing Regina around Emma at such a venerable age. She hadn't even been able to look at the photos longer than a moment focusing on Emma not the women beside her. Even if that part of Regina that wasn't a cold-hearted killer was surfacing it wasn't enough, she couldn't take the chance not with Emma at risk.
"I know she saved you, but she also killed someone" Mary Margret said after a moment of silence.
"It's just after everything Emily did, I can't see that as a bad thing" Emma replied ashamed.
"Either way you won't be seeing Regina again" Mary Margret said firmly knowing she once trusted Regina, believed in her even that kind of trust in the wrong person can be dangerous.
"Kind of a small town" Emma replied with a chuckle.
"I'm serious, you can't go looking for her" Mary Margret replied sternly realising Emma wasn't taking this seriously enough.
"I wouldn't, but there still so many unanswered questions" Emma replied frustrated.
"That's because she killed the person who could have answered them" Mary Margret said trying to further her point.
"So, what should we do, nothing just ignore her" Emma replied sarcastically.
"We will figure something out" Mary Margret replied having not found a solution herself yet.
"Let me know when you do" Emma said in a huff getting up walking over to the fridge looking for something caffeinated.
Mary Margret slowly packed away the files not in the mood to go down this path much further she carefully put all the papers and photos back. Placing the box in the closet and closing the door for now. Only a few moments later did David burst through the door with a bag of Chinese food and an apologetic look. Emma however had not slowed down making her way up to her room to be alone.
Quickly David followed knowing that alone time wasn't always what's needed even if you want it. He got to the top and saw a disgruntled Emma sipping on her can of soda at the edge of her bed. However, he knew the best way to break the awkward silence was always a good offering of food.
"Egg roll" David offered holding the brown paper bag with and awkward smile.
Emma nodded and David made his way to her side handing her one of the delicious fried appetisers and they sat in silence for a moment as the ate. Letting the fried flaky goodness make them feel better before they talked.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have left" David said eventually.
"It's a lot, I get it" Emma replied seeing how tragic it all was.
"I was just so upset not with you, just everything that's happened to you" David admitted.
"It wasn't all bad" Emma replied more upbeat.
"Yeah, tell me something good" David said trying to smile.
Emma pulled out the photo she had found earlier of Lily it was a school photo taken front on she had sheepish smile. Thinking back on that time they had together Emma's smile grew wider.
"A few years ago, I'm not sure exactly when, some charity got all the kids at the group home a free night at a local carnival" Emma started to explain.
"Where was this?" David asked curious.
"In Tallahassee, it's my favourite memory one of the few times I felt like a normal kid, me and Lily rode the Ferris wheel all night" Emma finished laughing.
"Really" David smiled picturing it in his mind. Glad to think of Emma spending the evening at a carnival just like he had done as a child.
"Oh, it took us about five hours to get our land legs back" Emma said remembering stumbling around after trying to find the donut stand.
"That's sounds nice" David said smiling he put his arm around Emma's shoulder giving her a gentle squeeze.
Emma nodded it was a nice memory, but she felt guilty sitting her sharing eggrolls with her father talking about it. While Lily was still out there alone. Like this was act some kind of betrayal of there friendship. That Emma had found a safe place to call home no longer a lost girl. It didn't stop her from feeling that way like this was all a façade and she belonged back out in the cold with Lily.
"I just wish, I knew she was ok" Emma said.
"First we need to find her" David added standing up, looking over to Emma with certainty and hope.
"If she wants to be found" Emma said with a shrug placing the picture back in her pocket.
"Everyone wants to be found, didn't you" David replied with a smile before getting up, making his way downstairs "Come on, I got fried rice".
Emma nodded signalling she would follow, while David made his way downstairs for dinner. Emma looked down at the photo of Lily once more wondering where she may be if someone had brought her fried goods. A concept had occurred, sort of an epiphany. Emma went through most of her life believing nobody wanted her now that she knew that wasn't the case, it was changing her whole view of the life and Lily just needed that same hope.
NOTES: Thanks for the reviews, next chapter Emma and Killian begin the search for Lily.