Dr. Olivet's Office

Goren walked into the space he began to dread these past months. This time knowing what awaited him wasn't going to pick his emotional wounds open, he walked a little more with purpose. He stood in front of his captain and with both a nervous stomach and that of excitement, he called out head poking around the bend, "Am I making progress?"

"I talked to the Chief of D's. They are taking a look at the club."

He practically fell into his seat. This was it? It had to be. His chance to get back. "This guy Testarossa, he's up from Philly. It looks like he is taking over the operation."

"What about the guy who gave you the .45?"

"A suspended cop. His name is Mike Stoat. Looks like he's working, waiting to be reinstated."

"I doubt that will happen."

Did he think the same about me? Is there no redemption or second chances. Surely, I still deserved to be a detective. This kid could still turn around, can't he?

"The gun Stoat gave you is clean. Some of the guys at the property clerk may not be. That's where the gun that killed the tourists came from. The chief wants you undercover…."

"What, uh, for how long-" He spoke with a nervous tone then deflated.

"You know the drill, you can't drink-"

"I can't do that."

"No trace of drugs. It's your call."

"Why can't he get..."
"You're already on the inside, he wants you."

Goren did not like this. It seemed they were setting himself for failure. Too many risks. Undercover ops always filled you with dread, excitement yes, but there was always that risk of being found out. For this one, the risks felt higher. He settled on the uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. "Yeah, he's hoping I'd get myself killed." He let out a shaky nervous laughter trying to alleviate the stress and uncertainty of the precarious situation, he found himself in.

"The thought occurred to me."

He wanted to vomit, instantly. The bitter bile coated his throat and he fought and pushed it back down, for the moment. He thought of Eames. I wonder what Alex would think about this operation. She'd probably tell me not to do it but if I don't I'll never come back. The Captain's response wasn't expected. Goren half threw out the comment cause he knew the Chief wasn't a fan but the fact that Captain Ross agreed with it made him feel visibly uncomfortable and sent his mind spiraling. He even noted that it appeared even Ross felt sorry for him in a briefest moment, they were aligned. Fear started creeping in. How can I depend on the very personnel that kicked me out and did not hide their distaste for me? I have no back up. My back is against the wall. Maybe that's what they wanted to feel that fear and be at their mercy. "You know the way this fell into my lap, this guy Stoat could be working for the Chief."

"Now you're being paranoid detective."

What was he trying to tell me? Was he simply relying on an old insult to my intelligence. The smart guys seeing the cogs and the machine for what they are has to be crazy or maybe he was telling me it was anyone's guess. Now that cops were involved, I had to be even more careful. The stakes went up again.

"Look you are within your rights to walk away.

"Yeah if I do, they keep me in purgatory forever."

"Watch yourself out there."

And there it was. Clear as day. Anyone could be involved now that cops were. Who knew how far the corruption went? Here Goren stood between the criminals that he had to apprehend who were working with cops and personnel that turned their backs against him. He was alone and had to see himself through this. He would get no back up. He would have no notice. The risk was all around him and he couldn't say no.

He left the building, scurrying fast to the corner where the trash was kept and vomited on the ground. His nervous stomach still unsettled, he wiped his mouth and pushed forward.

Testarossa's Club

He stood by watching the strippers. He was filled with an all encompassing feeling of loneliness. The girls twirled sensually around the pole and Stoat was fanning out dollars and counting them up to ensure, it was right. He didn't feel comfortable. Although this would be a perfectly acceptable place for someone who had burnt his bridges, got suspended, lost his badge with no foreseeable return, he had to remind himself what he was doing this for. He was still a cop without his badge and he would claw his way back. Still he had no enjoyment watching the girls and shifted to a shame avoiding purposeful contact in a means of respecting the girls' modesty. Stoat repeatedly, prior to this moment, would pat him on the back or shoulder urging him to lighten up and take in the sights, "What's not to love?", he would say. But Goren had someone to love and not sure she would be happy with his current situation. His mind started to berate him.

This is what my life will amount to without Eames: strippers, alcohol, and no sense of worth. This isn't a life. This was a punishment. Of course, there were consequences to my actions. I'm not an idiot. He thought about the counseling session with Olivet. The thing is I would be willing to accept any consequences because I had to do what was morally right no matter whose feathers get ruffled. I couldn't stand back and let things play out knowing what the outcome would be. And, of course, no one could punish me worse than me, right? This, though, is showing me that maybe they could. I was drowning. I'd give anything to get back in and I hate myself for that. I hate being at their mercy. I hate relying on others. Maybe I deserve this.

He knew his mind was taking a dive into a dark place. He had to shift gears, he needed to stay sharp. In looking passed the women and pushing thoughts of Eames away, he found something he could ground onto. There was a sting happening right in front of him. One of the undercovers began fidgeting with his cell phone moving it closer to Testarossa while insinuating that they may be the one to supply them with drugs. What a rookie! But Testarossa is buying into it hook, line, and sinker. I can't let that happen. Sorry guys but I'm probably saving your ass 'cause he was bound to catch on sooner or later and that wouldn't be good for you. He made his way toward his new boss and the unseasoned cops trying to get a confession.

"These guys bothering you, boss. We don't deal drugs here. It's a clean club."

"What are you doing, cowboy?" A name he earned after tackling him and pinning him against the wall the first time he met Testarossa. He had saw a gun but he didn't think that the people he was now 'employed' would be the ones who needed it. A momentary forgetfulness that he was not here as a cop.

Bobby smiled but it was a smile that he got from proving someone wrong. He smashed the phone to reveal a wire. He was astonished at how stupid criminals could be. If he didn't need this collar he would have let him dig his own grave. But he needed this. He needed this win and he needed the leverage to get his job back. There was no way he was backing down now.

"Want to talk into the mic, boss? Maybe I should show you two cops to the door" he motioned a whooshing pattern with his hands guiding them to the door.

"How you know?" Testarossa questioned.

"You know, they wear their shirts loose so they can hide their gun in their waistband. The guy with the short hair was toying with his cellphone." He didn't feel the need to inform him about his long work undercover for narcotics doing the exact type of thing except concealing himself much better than the rookie. He didn't need Testarossa getting nervous. Nervous criminals escalate and that can be dangerous for undercover work.

"Hey Mike, where were you?"

"Busy counting your money." Stoat handed him the neatly folded stack of bills and took his bump reward.

Testarossa bent his head down towards the table and grabbed a rolled up bill and began inhaling the perfectly lined up white dust into his nose. "Take one for yourself."

"That's okay, I'm on duty." Goren began to get nervous. This was every undercover cop's fear. Getting outted or passing and losing your job. The captain had made it clear that he was not going to be allowed an indescretion. If he was caught, he would be held accountable and it would be their reason to keep him out for good.

"No it's okay, I'll get someone to cover for you," Stoat replied while wiping his dusted nose.

Goren began to see Stoat wasn't a cop anymore. He was one of the criminals. Somewhere he lost his way. Maybe, it was after the first bump of coke he did to keep his cover. Somewhere between that and getting suspended, Stoat actually began to revel in his new found employ. That was the difference. Goren wasn't comfortable here and he couldn't imagine himself ever being comfortable on the other side of the shield. He liked the law and he loved upkeeping it.

"Go ahead, live a little."

He took out a bill and began to fiddle with and stared down and the line of coke next to a hill of coke. He had to buy time and find a way out. With a stroke of luck, a knock at the door interrupted them. Testarossa went to investigate it and Stoat bent down and inhaled the last line. He breathed a sigh of relief.