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"Your soul stained my shoulders.
My whole life smells like you.
This
will take time.
Undoing you from my blood."
-The Work
Kylo Ren
I stare at my grandfather's mask but there is no solace to be had. I've pledged myself to doing this one, final task and still his spirit remains silent no matter how much I beseech him.
What would you say if you could see me grandfather? Would you be proud of the path I walk, the one you choose so long ago? Am I living up to the legacy of Darth Vader?
"Supreme Leader the Night Buzzard has arrived."
Commander Trach's words pulling me from my thoughts and back to reality.
Finally the hunt can begin and I shove away a whisper of unease that plagues me. Once R-she is dead I will not feel like this anymore.
"Lord Ren, attend me."
I grit my teeth as Palpatine's voice claws at my mind, trying to force me into compliance. This little charade is growing tiresome but I'm not ready to reveal my true objective and I drop to one knee with reluctance.
"What do you want."
I sense his displeasure when I refuse to address him as 'Master'. I may walk the path of my grandfather but I am not Darth Vader. I have had my fill of 'masters'.
"The girl has slipped your grasp. I warned you not to turn your back on her. You are failing me and I do not tolerate failure."
Pressure in my brain, a malicious intrusion meant to cripple my will and force my subversion. A useless tactic as Snoke used the same method for years to cage me. I will not be caged again. I let the rage of Rey's betrayal bolster my strength and push back. I feel Palpatine's grip falter. Let this be a reminder that he is not the only one to command the dark side.
"I know where she has fled. She seeks your wayfinder on a moon in Endor...but you already knew that."
"Be mindful of your tone Lord Ren. Do not think for a moment that I cannot obliterate your entire fleet should you choose to betray me."
"I'm going to destroy her. How is that a betrayal?"
Vicious laughter, the scrape of a blade inside my head and I clench my fist against the pain he is deliberately causing.
"You are living up to your reputation. Good. Go and kill the girl. Bring her body to me as proof and prove once and for all you are worthy to take the Sith Throne. Fail me and you will pay for that failure with your life."
As if I needed his permission. His threats are meaningless and I don't rise to the bait.
The strangling pressure lifts as does the stench of his evil. I breathe and get back on my feet. Pryde is waiting for me in the hanger, my Whisperer ready for departure.
I did not ask for his presence and he presumes much to appear before me.
"Supreme Leader I have been informed you are leaving the ship. Might I inquire for what purpose?"
He's being careful how he speaks and it's well my face is hidden so he cannot see my contempt.
"General I leave you in charge of the Steadfast. You will go to Exegol and take command of the Sith Fleet. The Night Buzzard will lead, they have the navigational coordinates."
Pryde blinks and it's the first sign of surprise I have seen from the man.
"I am honored by your trust Supreme Leader."
It is not my trust he has. I am well aware of his secret communications with Palpatine but this serves my interest so I pretend to turn a blind eye to his treachery. Once the Fleet is under my command I will purge the ranks of dissidence.
There can be only one Emperor of the galaxy and it is not Palpatine. His reign is over.
I move away from Pryde and head for my ship.
"But I must insist on knowing why you are leaving on the eve of battle. What could require your personal attention?"
Even now he makes judgment on me in the form on an innocuous question.
How far is he willing to play out this gambit?
"I'm going to kill the last Jedi. Without her the Resistance is nothing."
Shock swiftly turns to cold calculations in his winter eyes before concealing them behind his façade of loyalty.
Not fast enough.
He is already laying plans to take over the First Order. He doesn't expect me to return alive.
"Is that wise? The Emperor has made it clear he wants the girl. Disobeying him will only weaken your position."
He thinks he is being clever. Trying to prove his loyalty with words of concern. I have not lived this long, survived this long, to be so easily fooled.
His gambit has already failed. He simply doesn't realize it.
"Palpatine is aware of my plan. That is all you need concern yourself with. Now get my flagship to Exegol and await my arrival. I assure you, Allegiant General, it will not be a long one."
His thin lips whiten with suppressed anger but he manages a sharp salute and walks away. The click of his boots echoes in the hanger as he departs.
Now that I've dealt with the last interference I have business elsewhere.
My TIE is ready and I lay in coordinates, the wayfinder locked into place. I trust this relic to no one.
Not even my Knights. I am also aware that they have been in communication with Palpatine's cultist.
"Ap'lek lead the Steadfast to Exegol and await my arrival. Do nothing until my return."
"As you command Lord Ren."
The end of this battle will determine where their true loyalties lie. They will stand with me or they will die.
The TIE comes to life and I leave my flagship for the deep night of space.
A flicker in the back of my mind, a tantalizing brush of dappled sunlight before it disappears. My fingers clench around the controls as I set the coordinates for Kef Bir.
There was no turning back. This is the way it has to be.
For both of us.
You should have stayed. You should have trusted me but you betrayed me. Just like my parents betrayed me. Just like Skywalker betrayed me.
It seemed I was fated to be betrayed by those closest to me.
By those who claimed to love me.
My mother was wrong. Love doesn't bring people together.
It destroys them in the end.
I make my jump and the world is nothing but endless light and all I have is time. Fatigue hits me and I lean back, tired in way that goes beyond the simple need for rest.
So much has happened and the silence is deafening. I close my eyes as my path to Kef Bir is but a short one.
I will need all of my strength when I face her...
"Dad?"
My father stops in the doorway, already heading for the Falcon. He's suppose to be home but I know he doesn't think of our home as his home.
The Falcon is his home.
"Yeah kid?"
"Can I...come with you?"
I'm suppose to be studying but I just want to spend time with my dad.
He gives me a funny look and holds out his hand.
"Sure kid, come on. Your Uncle Chewie always needs an extra pair of hands."
I race over to him before he can change his mind.
"Whoa, easy there son! Your old man isn't as young as he used to be."
We walk out towards the Falcon when my father stops and I don't know why.
I look around him and see mom standing in the distance talking to Uncle Luke.
"Why is Uncle Luke here?"
"Who knows? Your Uncle is funny that way."
He sounds distracted and he has that weird look on his face again when he looks at mom.
He looks like he's in pain but happy.
"Hey dad?"
"Yeah kid?"
"When did you know you loved mom?"
My father whips his head around and looks down at me.
"Where did that come from? Don't tell me you're already thinking about girls? I promise you they're nothing but trouble."
"Daaad!" I tug on his hand, "when?"
He sighs and lifts his hand to Uncle and drags me along as we head for the Falcon.
"I...to tell you the truth Ben, I don't know. It's not like it just suddenly happened. Like I woke up one day and I was in love."
"So how did you know?"
We're almost to the Falcon and he stops and lets go of my hand. He's scratching his head.
"Just what is this all about Ben? Why are you asking?"
There's a rock at my foot and I nudge it with my toe.
"You're always gone," I tell him quietly and wonder if he's going to get mad, "and when you look at mom...you look sad. I just want to know...if you still love mom."
"Ah kid..."
My father's hand on my shoulder and I look up and see him kneeling in front of me that same pained yet happy look on his face as he stares at me.
"The first time I met your mom I was being paid to rescue her. Well if you know your mom she's never needed rescuing from anything," he rolls his eyes and I laugh, "and I thought 'this one is going to be trouble' and boy was she."
"Is that when you knew you loved her?"
"Nah, that came later. We argued and we butted heads, just like we do now and yeah, sometimes I run but you know what?" He gets up and ruffles my hair, "I always come back. You know why?"
"No."
"Because," he looks off in the distance and mom is still talking to uncle Luke and she looks pretty with the sun setting behind her, "I can't imagine waking up and not having her there. Even when we're apart she's always with me."
I still don't understand and dad looks down at me, his usual grin somehow different.
"You'll understand when you're older. I promise. Now lets get to work. Falcon's not going to repair herself."
I open my eyes to incessant beeping. Navigational warning me that I'm close to my destination.
I shake my head, trying to clear it. Why am I dreaming of my childhood? Why that particular memory?
I thought I had erased all of that and yet here they were, creeping back in when I least wanted them.
I remember that conversation with Han Solo. It was just before they decided to send me away to train with Skywalker.
"Because I can't imagine waking up and not having her there. Even when we're apart she's always with me."
"I don't need to remember this. Not now."
I drop out of hyperspace and the ocean moon of Kef Bir lies before me. I can feel a pull on my senses, nothing more than a whisper but I know what it is.
Rey.
She may be able to block my thoughts from reaching her but I can still sense her presence through the Force.
We are still connected.
My heart pounding against my ribs as I change trajectory and narrow my concentration to where I can feel her strongest in the Force.
I'm coming Rey. I will always find you.