Author's Note: Second of the batch update. Hope everyone is safe and healthy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars. I simply play in their world.

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"Maybe sometimes people

did not actually change.

Maybe you just never know

who they really were."

-The Minds Journal

Rey

I've been working on the Falcon for at least thirty minutes. I've managed to get the comms rigged and fixed the hydraulic leak that was causing the landing gears to stick.

Poe and Chewie are trying to find spar parts to fix the hole in the underbelly when they crashed into the ground.

For some reason I have a little green droid that wants to follow me everywhere. Finn told me they found him on Ochi's ship and took him with them when they escaped. Finn thinks he's a little strange.

Not strange. Frightened as if he has known cruelty and no longer trusted humans.

Considering what I've witnessed I didn't blame him one bit. He seems to have warmed up to BB-8 and I left the little guy with him as I work. His name is D-O.

"You need a hand down there Rey?"

Finn sticking his head through the porthole where I'm currently standing in the guts of the ship.

"Nope. I'm good here."

He doesn't listen and drops in anyway. He's been shadowing me ever since we came back to the Falcon. I can't turn around without tripping over him.

He's driving me nuts.

"You're acting weird again."

"Uh huh," I'm barely listening as I'm trying to rewire the cannons, "is that so?"

"Rey," Finn right next to me and in this small space I feel suffocated, "talk to me."

"About what?"

There, I almost have it...the circuit board comes alive and it's done. I slam the panel shut and step back from Finn.

He's giving me that look again.

Hurt and exasperation all rolled into one. It's like kicking a puppy and guilt makes my stomach burn.

"Come on Rey, you know what. What happened between you and Ren? You haven't said a word since coming back."

Maybe it's just that I'm so exhausted from everything that's happened I'm not thinking straight but I swear he sounds...jealous.

That I was with him.

Gods, I hoped he would be over this infatuation. I get that he was a stormtrooper most of his life so being around women wasn't exactly normal for him.

But he isn't a stormtrooper now.

He's been with the Resistance for over a year. Half our members are women so he can't tell me he doesn't realize how he's acting.

I know for a fact that he doesn't shadow Rose or Leia or even Miriam when back at base.

I've also noticed the strange tension between him and Poe when I catch them alone together.

It's subtle but it reminds me a little of how Ren and I dance around each other.

Just thinking of Ren makes the hole he left inside me that much worse.

"Rey?"

I wipe my hands on the rag I have hanging over a cooling line and remind myself that losing my temper isn't an option.

I can't cause any suspicions not when I'm this close to putting my plan into action.

"Nothing happened." He's not buying it and I obfuscate between what actually happened and what I know he wants to hear, "I was captured, put into an interrogation cell and left cooling my heels while Kylo Ren did his Supreme Leadership...thing...that he does now."

I roll my eyes so I can hide how much it hurts just to speak his name, "I used that time to convince the guards to free me. They did, I escaped."

"Uh huh, how?" Finn has his arms folded and no longer looks like a wounded puppy. This side of him is actually easier to deal with.

"Jedi remember?" I'm striving for calm as I dig my nails into my palms behind my back, "Mind tricks."

"Right. So then what?"

I shrug as if telling him all of this is no big deal. Like I've just been to busy to actually reply to his endless inquiry.

"Found where they were holding the dagger. Looked like they were trying to decipher the runes. I gabbed it, read what I could and got the hell out of there."

Finn drops his arms and rubs the back of his neck. I can tell he wants to believe me but he's hesitating.

Damn. Being forced into a leadership position really transformed him. It's great for the Resistance but right now that strength is working against me.

"Look Finn," I take a deep breath and add a note of confusion, "I don't know why but for some reason the First Order doesn't want me dead."

I've learned from Ren the best way to deceive a person is to give them a truth they won't question further and find the lies hidden beneath.

"Yeah, we picked that up on Pasaana."

I squash the elation rising in me when his hesitations melts away.

"You did?"

"Yeah. Poe and I watched from the ship when Ren and his Knights escorted you away. I probably shouldn't say this," Finn sighs and leans in as if he's afraid of being overheard, "but that bruise on Poe's jaw...it was from Chewie. He didn't want to let you go and Poe had to restrain him."

He's right, I really didn't need to know that.

Chewie believes in me, he's loyal to a fault and what I'm about to do...

It's a betrayal plain and simple but I have no other choice.

I have to get the wayfinder.

"Guess I'll apologize for that as well."

Finn gives me a lop-sided smile and I hear the sound of a tiny beep going off.

That was my signal enough time had passed.

It's time to put my plan into action.

I pull away and give him a smile that I pray doesn't look as hollow as I feel.

"Well I'm done here. I should go check with Chewie to see..."

I let my words trail off as I pretend to look for something.

"Damn! Damn!"

"Rey what is it?"

"I can't find my saber. I know I had it on my belt."

"Here let me help you look."

I let Finn look around the small space but I know it's not here.

"Any luck?"

"Nothing." Finn gets to his feet, his eyebrows drawn together, "when was the last time you had it?"

"I...let me think...I know I had it when I left the tent and when we went to the skiff..."

I snap my fingers and put a note of irritation in my next words.

"The skiff! It must have come loose either when I climbed in or went back down."

"You sure? Come on let's go back up and see if Poe or Chewie found it on the Falcon."

"Good idea. I'm right behind you."

Sorry Finn but it has to be this way. You just wouldn't understand.

I let Finn find Poe and Chewie and just like I expected neither of them have seen it.

I bang the heel of my hand against my forehead.

"I knew it. Damn." I take a deep breath and turn to Poe, "I'm pretty sure I dropped in on the skiff. I have to go back ."

"Weather's turning nasty out there. Maybe you should wait until the storm passes."

I shake my head and steel myself for what I have to do next.

"I can't. Jannah said the weather here is unpredictable. This storm could be hours or minutes. I don't want to leave my saber, the one Leia entrusted to me, out there and possibly get lost if those waves reach the cove."

There, the magic words. I mentioned Leia's name and I see Poe hesitate. He adores her, practically worships the ground she walks on.

I will use whatever leverage I need to get off the Falcon. Even emotional blackmail if that's what it takes.

I press my advantage.

"Look, it'll take me a few minutes to jog over there and back. Twenty minutes tops."

"I'll go with you."

Finn at my side and I shake my head as if in regret. I was already anticipating this from him.

"No, stay here. It doesn't take two of us to retrieve a lightsaber and this is my carelessness. I don't want to put us behind in repairs but that saber...it's my responsibility. You're better off helping here. Right Poe?"

"She's right buddy. Go on but make it quick. I don't want to send Chewie out if you get caught in that storm. You've never smelled anything worse than wet Wookie. Trust me."

I hear Chewie roaring his protest as Finn and Poe laugh.

I hold onto my smile by the skin of my teeth.

"Got it." I grab one of the waterproof capes Jannah left behind for us.

Finn and Poe look at me and I lift my eyebrow in return.

"Just in case. Doesn't hurt to be cautious."

"Right. Go, hurry."

Poe's motioning me out and I don't dare breathe until I'm off the gangplank and away from the Falcon.

I told them twenty minutes. I can probably stretch it to thirty before they begin to wonder what's taking so long. That should buy me enough time to get the skiff free and far enough away that they won't be able to stop me.

Stealing a skiff and concealing the truth from my friends.

It's not lying, I really did leave my saber on the skiff.

But I did it on purpose so that I would have a reason to return.

"I didn't lie to you."

"No...but you deliberately held back..."

A burning pressure in my chest as I remember the harsh words I exchanged with Ren. I called him a liar when I realized he hadn't told me everything I needed to know about Ochi's dagger.

It was true. He didn't lie, he simply chose to withhold information from me.

Just like I'm doing with my friends. Because it's necessary. They want to wait until morning to retrieve the wayfinder but by then...this war will be over and we'll have lost.

So does that make it better because I'm doing this to win the war?

I don't know. But I can't stop. I've come too far to give up now.

My friends...they'll understand when the war is won that my deception was not to hurt them but to save them.

But you didn't forgive Ren when you found out. So what makes you think they won't do the same?

I grit my teeth when I get to the sea skiff. She's exactly where I expect her to be and I'm in luck. There's no one guarding her, not that guards would be needed.

Jannah trusts us to keep our word.

I unhook the mooring lines and climb quickly up into the craft.

I'm doing this to end the war. Not for personal, selfish gain. It's different.

It has to be. Otherwise I'm...

You're lying to yourself. Just like he said. Oh Rey, why are you pretending so hard?

I don't know where that voice keeps coming from but I wish it would shut up and leave me alone!

Blessed silence in my head and I don't think about my friends anymore. I snatch my saber from where I hid it and clip it to my belt.

The controls are similar to the wind-sail I made on Jakku and the tides have turned, moving outward and this is as good a chance as I'm going to get.

Jannah was right about the weather changing. I can feel the pressure in my head, weighing heavily in my bones.

I hope the storm holds off long enough for me get across.

I look at the rolling, screaming sea and have to admit that the dark eyed woman was right about this as well.

It's suicide.

For anyone but a Jedi.

Fear is a shadow in my mind and I have to stop myself from reaching out to Ren. For his strength, to know that even when we're so far away he's still with me.

That I'm not alone.

When did I start to rely on him? I can't remember and another part of me is so angry with him.

For betraying my trust and pretending to actually give a damn about me.

All of it a lie so he could stop the Resistance and rule the galaxy.

I have to concentrate and I can't do that if I'm thinking about Ren.

He's a distraction I don't need right now. Even on the other side of the galaxy he's still haunting me.

I breathe and push the fear back. I can do this.

I don't need him. I don't need anyone.

Everything's ready. It's time to go.

This is the path I've chosen and I will not be stopped.

I release the clamps holding the skiff in the cove and just like that I'm swept out to sea.

There was no turning back.

I will survive this...or I will die.