Chapter Forty-Three: Fight For Her

"Emma?" Elsa said, "Emma, what happened?"

Emma heard Elsa's voice but she couldn't really process them. Or see her friend properly since her face was buried between her knees or even analogy the soft touch of her friend on her arms. She just wanted to stay there and cry. Cry for all she has done. Cry for all she had lost.

"Emma?" Elsa said again "Emma, please, what happened? Why did Regina storm off the party?

Regina!

God, just hearing her name brought a fresh new wave of tears to Emma's eyes. How could she have screwed up everything this badly? How could she wrong the person she loved the most? Why couldn't just tell Regina the truth of how she was really feeling about everything?

"I screwed up, Els," Emma said between sobs.

"What did you do, Emma?" Elsa asked softly.

"I broke her heart," Emma said finally looking at her friend "And shattered mine in the process"

"I don't understand," Elsa said "But Ruby is involved, isn't she?"

"Yes," Emma whispered.

"I told you to stay from her," Elsa said.

"I know,"

"Go after her," Elsa said.

"She doesn't want to see me,"

"So, what?" Elsa said, "You won't even try?"

"What I've done, Elsa…She will never forgive me"

"Maybe she's just upset right now, maybe…"

"No!" Emma said "She won't forgive me"

"Do you love her?" Elsa asked.

"Yes!"

"Then fight for her!"

Emma looked at Elsa's face for a long time before her words even begun to make sense. Fight for her! Fight for Regina! Could she do that? Could she put the shame of what she has done, of what has happened tonight behind her, and move on? Could Regina? Emma loved her, she knew that. She would love Regina until the day she dies. But could they get past all of this? Emma didn't know the answer to any of her questions, but she knew she wouldn't find any of them by sitting in the back of Granny's crying. She needed to find Regina. She needed to mend what she had broken, or at least start to.

Emma rose from the floor and cleaned her face from the tears She looked at Elsa who squeezed her arms and smiled softly at her. Fight for her, Elsa had said and that was exactly what Emma was going to do. She was going to fight for Regina. She was going to win her love back. Emma nodded to her friend and let out a puff of air before she started to walk. The night was silent and cold exactly the way Emma was feeling inside. She was numb, in a way. She still hoped this was all just a horrible nightmare and Emma even pinched herself to make sure she was actually awake. It hurt. But she didn't really acknowledge it.

After a half-hour walk, Emma arrived at the mansion. She stopped in front of it, just looking at the house as if she had never seen one before. Everything was dark except for the light in their room. Emma closed her eyes while opening and closing her fist. She was scared, she didn't know what to do or what to say. The truth, she supposed but what good would that do? Was the truth better or worse of what Ruby had said? Ruby told her that she would never Regina and maybe she was right. Maybe there was no coming back from this, but Emma had to try.

She walked the pathway of the front yard to the door. It was close and Emma was glad she had put her keys in the jacket before leaving the house that night. Emma opened the door and made her way upstairs. In the dark hallway, Emma saw their bedroom door half-open, the only source of light illuminating the way. Emma walked to the door, small steps, feeling her stomach twist at every step she took. She reached the door and slowly pushed it open.

"Regina?" Emma said.

"I told you not to come back here," She heard Regina's voice.

"Where are you?" Emma asked. She couldn't see her.

"Taking your shit out of my closet,"

"Regina, please," Emma said, tears already forming behind her eyes "Just let me explain"

"Explain, what?" Regina said leaving the closet "That you fucked Ruby while you were with me?"

"That's not how it happened," Emma said

"Oh, yes, please Emma," Regina said sarcastically "Explain to me the details of how you ended up buried inside of her"

"Regina please" Emma closed her eyes "Don't say that"

"I'm such an idiot" Regina laughed "And here I was playing the part of the good housewife, caring for you, cleaning your mess, cooking your every meal"

"I didn't sleep with her," Emma said.

"No?" Regina asked "And what did you do?"

"I…I…"

"I, I, is that all you have to say?"

"I attacked her," Emma said all at once.

"What?"

"I was upset because of you and Robin and Ruby she just showed up with a bottle of tequila and she tried to kiss me and then I pushed her away, but she started to say these things, these nasty things about you and Robin and I…I wanted to silent her I wanted her to shut up. I pushed her against the jail bars and I…"

"You what?"

"I attacked her," Emma looked down "I pulled her panties to the side and tried…tried to fuck her. But she pushed me away and then I realized what I have done and I told her to go away"

"Is that supposed to be any better?"

"It's the truth," Emma said "And I tried to tell you, I tried to tell you many times but you always said it wasn't the right time and…"

"Oh, so this is on me now?"

"Of course not," Emma said "But can you blame me for not telling you sooner?"

"I can blame you for a lot of things"

"I know," Emma said "And I am sorry, I am so sorry. If I could go back in time if I could…"

"Well, you can't"

"I told her to report me," Emma said "For what I did. I tried to do the right thing"

"And why didn't she?"

"I thought it was because she was my friend," Emma said "I thought it was because she knew I would never do something like that, not in my right mind"

"And?"

"She didn't report me because she wanted to break us apart. She wanted to humiliate you," Emma said "Because all the fear she pretended she felt that night was just an act"

"Well, kudos to her. She got what she wanted"

"I'm so sorry" Emma cried.

"I don't care," Regina said and turned around "I want you out of my house"

"Regina…"

"I packed you a bag," Regina said "I'll send the rest of your stuff tomorrow"

"I'm sorry"

"You keep saying that"

"Because I do"

"I don't believe you," Regina said "I don't believe a word you say anymore"

"Please, don't say that"

"Get out of my house"

"Regina…"

"NOW"

Emma cried as Regina walked inside the suit and locked the door. She was upset and Emma get that. She would be too. But the thing was that she had never anticipated how much it would hurt to see Regina like that. To have Regina screaming at her. Have Regina hating her. That hurt more than every single bruise Emma had after the car crash. The wound only bruised her flesh. This was bruising her soul. She knew it was no good to talk to Regina right now either. She needed her time, she needed to process everything that was happening. Emma knew she needed to give her some space and yet she didn't want to. She was scared to give Regina too much space. Emma walked to the bathroom door and pressed her forehead against the door.

"I know I screwed up" Emma started to say "And words will never be able to describe how sorry I am about all of this. I know I hurt you, Regina. I hurt myself. I betrayed everything I love, everything I hold dear. I know I don't deserve you. I don't deserve your forgiveness. But I'm begging you, Regina, if you would just give me a second chance, I will spend the rest of my life proving to you that I'm worthy of it. I will prove to you every single day of my life just how much I love you because I do. I love you"

Emma stayed there waiting for Regina to say something, anything but nothing came out. Nothing but the muffled sounds of Regina's crying. Emma didn't think her heart couldn't break anymore, she thought it was already shattered into pieces but she was wrong. Those sounds right there tore her apart. How could she do that to Regina? Why did she do that to her? To them? Why is it that the ones you love the most are always the one who breaks your heart? Why did Emma break both of their hearts? Emma let the tears fall down as she tried to think of what to do. Regina needed space right now and as much as Emma wanted to stay there with her and promise her the moon, she knew it was best to live Regina alone.

"I'm so sorry" Emma whispered "I love you"

Emma walked to where Regina had packed her a bag and left the mansion. She drove around Storybrooke before going to the marines to the place she used to call her hidden germ in Storybrooke. To their spot. Emma sat down on the bench she had grew used to call their bench and looked out the sea. She was dry out of tears. She was numb. She didn't know what to think. She didn't know where to go. All she wanted was to be with Regina. Emma stayed there looking out the dark sea without really seen anything. Without feeling the cold. Without a thought in her mind. She barely registered the sound of her cellphone ringing and ringing and ringing inside her jacket pocket. It was only after, God knows what time, she finally answered.

"Yes?" Emma said.

"Emma, where are you?"

Silence. Emma couldn't quite register what the words meant.

"I called, Regina," Elsa said, "She told me she kicked you out of the house"

Regina!

The sound of her name brought her back to the world somehow.

"Did she tell you why?" Emma asked in a small voice.

"No, she didn't," Elsa said back "Where are you, Emma?"

"At the marines"

"Come to the loft, okay?" Elsa said "I'll be waiting for you"

Emma closed her eyes and swallowed dry.

"Emma?"

"Yeah, I'll…I'll be right there," Emma said.

"Okay. Don't take too long okay?"

"I won't," Emma said "And Els?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you"

Emma turned off the phone but remain seated. It took everything in her, every single cell of strength for her to rose from the bench and walk to the bug. She drove to the loft, the place she shared with Elsa for nearly five years. It felt wrong walking up the stairs to the loft. This wasn't her home anymore. Emma only knocked on the door once before Elsa opened the door. She looked at Emma with such a pitiful face that Emma felt like crying again. And she did when her friend enveloped her inside her arms.

"God, Emma," Elsa said, "What the hell happened?"

Elsa gently pulled Emma inside the house and sat her on the couch while she made some tea. When she returned with the cups, she placed one in front of Emma and patiently waited for Emma to start talking. It took Emma a while, but when she finally did, she told her friend everything. She spared no detail.

"Fuck, Emma," Elsa said.

"I know," Emma said back.

"I don't even know what to say," Elsa said.

"This is all my fault" Emma cleared a falling tear "If I had just talked to Regina about the way I was feeling about Robin if I had listened to you and stayed away from Ruby none of this would have happened"

"I don't mean to say I told you so but I did warn you about Ruby"

"I know, Els," Emma said.

"And this Robin guy?" Elsa asked, "Did Regina ever shown any interest in him?"

"He likes her," Emma said "I could tell that"

"But did she?"

"Not really, no," Emma said "I just got all crazy about him because of, you know"

"Lily?" Elsa asked.

"Yeah," Emma said "It felt like I was living that nightmare all over again"

"Emma, Regina is not Lily"

"I know that," Emma sighed "I was blind. Everything was happening all at once. We were fighting all the time"

"Why didn't you tell me that?"

"I don't know," Emma said "It probably wouldn't make a difference. I was too far gone already"

"I'm sorry," Elsa said understandably.

"Not as much as I am"

"I know," Elsa said "Just, give her some time. Regina loves you, Emma"

"I lost her Els," Emma cried "I lost the love of my life"

"You don't know that,"

"She won't forgive me"

"She might"

"Would you?"

"It would take time," Elsa said "But if I really loved you, yes I would"

"You are just being kind"

"I'm being honest," Elsa said "It would take time for me to trust you again, yes. But if you proved to me that you have changed, then yes, I'd forgive you"

"Thanks, Els"

"I know you, Emma," Elsa said "I know that you are not that person"

"Then why did I do all of this?" Emma asked, "Why did I fucked up this badly?"

"The only other person you ever loved apart from Regina was Lily, right?"

"Yes,"

"Maybe there is your answer," Elsa said "You need to get over what happened between you and Lily"

"I have," Emma said confused.

"Clearly you haven't, Emma," Elsa said "Otherwise you would never mistake Regina for her"

"I don't love Lily anymore, Els," Emma said "I haven't for a long time"

"I'm not talking about love," Elsa said "I'm talking about the way you feel about what she did to you. The reason why you can't trust"

"You know why I can't trust," Emma said seriously.

"I know why you can't trust her," Elsa said "It doesn't mean you shouldn't trust anybody else"

"Elsa, I…"

"Just think about it, Emma," Elsa said "I'm going to bed now. Your room is ready upstairs"

"Thank you"

Elsa rose from the couch and walked to Emma on the armchair. She held her face between her hands and kissed her forehead before saying:

"Get some rest. I love you"

"I love you too, Els"

Elsa walked upstairs living Emma alone in the living room. She closed her eyes and let Elsa's words sink in. Was Lily really the cause of all this? Emma knew she blamed her in the past, but could she still put the blame on her? No! At some point, Emma needed to take the blame for her foolish actions. History or not, it was time for Emma to stop screwing everything up and for once in her life, start to fix what she had broken.