A/N: Slight change of plans, The Stalker will be shifting position in the lineup since the aftermath of my version will bring certain emotions closer to the surface sooner than I want them to be acknowledged if it stays where I originally put it. The new lineup is on my profile along with a playlist for this story. If any of you have a favorite song that you think fits, PM me or drop a review and I'll add it.
Up next is Dead Wrong and (shocker) Candy won't be in it. I tried to make it work with three of them, but it just feels off, if that makes sense. Besides, Hoss and Annie haven't gotten that much "screen time" together lately, so for all you Hoss fans out there, enjoy!
As always, I own nothing but my OC. Also, any thoughts, suggestions, or comments on this or upcoming chapters? Any guesses as to what's coming next?
Annie rode into Sunville and dismounted slowly at the hitch rail in front of the saloon. Hoss groaned as he swung his leg over the saddle and stepped down to the ground. "Well, little sister, what first: the bank draft, a bath, or a beer?" She smacked the dust off her pants and gave him a look. He chuckled and swept off his big white hat and scratched his head. "I was thinking we could get a bath or take care of the draft any time."
"Pa is expecting us back."
"We will, don't you worry about that." He settled his hat back on his head and stretched. "Joe ain't with us so you can take that one to the bank." He untied the saddle bags and draped them over his arm. Just looking at those bags made her sweat. All that money …
"I'd rather take those to the bank," she said through her teeth with a quick glance around. It didn't look like Sunville was particularly busy, but you never could tell anymore. She wished Candy was with them – two suspicious minds were always better than one – but he'd gotten himself kicked and Doc Martin refused to let him up for another week at the very least.
"Oh, we won't be more than ten minutes. My throat's so dry I swear there's a cactus growing in there, come on." He led the way into the saloon and Annie rolled her eyes. They sat down at a table near the doors and Hoss caught the attention of a nearby saloon girl. "Hey, doll." Annie smothered a snort when the woman turned around.
"Can I get you a drink, honey?" Her brother did a double take, the look on his face hysterical as he took in the fact the "saloon girl" had to be pushing sixty at the very least.
"Uh, yeah. We'll … uh, have a couple of beers."
"Coming right up, big fella." The woman pinched his cheek and made her way to the bar. Annie snickered once she was out of earshot and Hoss' face twitched, the look in his eyes one of warning. She snickered again and he shook his head.
"Don't you dare be telling Little Joe about this."
"Why not?"
"Cause I said so, and I'm older, that's why."
"So's he."
"Well, I'm older than he is, too." Hoss adjusted the saddlebags on the table and leaned back in his chair. Annie shook her head and looked around. A bunch of old men gathered around two of the tables, and one man stood at the bar, but other than that the saloon was empty. As she watched, a skinny old man with a bushy beard left his seat and hurried to the bar, bending over to whisper in the ear of the man already standing there. They turned and looked at her and Hoss. She raised her brows in question.
Had they never seen a woman in a saloon before?
They looked at each other, then the skinny one shrugged and began to wander over to their table, the other man rushing to gather the rest of the men lounging around. She kicked Hoss' foot under the table and he cocked his head. She flicked a glance at the gathering crowd and he frowned.
The skinny man stopped beside them and slapped her brother on the back, raising a cloud of dust. "Big Jack, long time no see."
"Huh?"
"Oh, come on, Jack, don't pretend you don't know old Salty. I'm willin' to let bygones be bygones. I'll buy you a beer for old times' sake, Jack." Annie leaned back in her chair and studied the man with a raised brow.
He didn't sound drunk, but then again, some men could hold a heck of a lot of liquor. The old woman returned with two mugs of beer and set them on the table. Hoss chuckled nervously and rubbed his hands together.
"Look, old timer, I think you've mistook me for someone else. My name's Hoss Cartwright."
"Oh, still using them phony aliases, are you? You always was one for picking funny names." The old man grinned. "Bout time you come to pay me a visit." The crowd of old timers hovering a few feet away watched them, almost like they were expecting something.
"Look, I don't know if this is a joke, or what, but I'm not this Big Jack fella. Me and my sister are just passing through. We got some business at the bank and then we'll be on our way."
"Don't worry, you're among friends here." The skinny old man leaned in closer and lowered his voice to a whisper, his hand landing on the saddle bags. Annie zeroed in on that, hoping he couldn't tell it was full of money. "How much did you get out of that job in Silo?" Maybe he was drunk. Or halfway there. Or something. The rest of them had the look of vultures perched in a tree just waiting for something to die so they could swoop in and feast.
Hoss worked his hands and forced a laugh. Simple he may look, but he was anything but, and he was getting a mite perturbed unless she missed her guess. "Mister, I'm gonna tell you one more time, I ain't never had a job at Silo, and I don't know this fella you keep talking about. Big I am, but Jack I ain't."
"Maybe you ought to go easy on the booze, old timer, especially on these hot summer afternoons," she said and took a drink of her beer. "One of these days, you're going to play your little game with the wrong person."
"Yeah, someone else probably won't be as nice as us, come on, Annie, let's go find a couple of baths." Hoss stood up, and the old timer's hand caught the flap on the saddlebags. Money spilled over the table like a flood and Annie felt the blood drain from her face. Her hand went to her pistol automatically, just in case someone decided to take advantage of all that cash, but they looked as stunned as her and Hoss.
The only one who looked even halfway pleased was Salty. He snapped his suspenders and looked over to his friends with pride. The man he'd been whispering to at the bar ran out of the saloon, a wild look on his face.
But she was currently too busy scraping up money to care where he'd gone. She'd told him they should go to the bank first. Now everyone in town would know about it within half an hour, if it took that long.
They finished stuffing the cash back into the saddlebags and secured the flap. Annie tossed a few coins on the table for the beers and followed Hoss outside, collecting their horses since he was cradling the saddlebags. It wasn't far to the only hotel in town which she was glad about; it seemed like she could feel the weight of dozens of eyes glued to her back.
She signed the register and the nervous clerk practically flew up the stairs to unlock the room for them and usher them inside. "I hope this is all right, it's the best we've got." She tested the closer of the two beds and hummed approval.
"It'll be fine," Hoss said.
"Anything you need, just let me know."
"There someplace we can get a bath around here?"
"Why, of-of course. We have a tub downstairs I can bring up, but it might take a little while, I'm afraid." His face twitched.
"Oh. How long?"
"I'll make that water boil just as fast as I can, but you know how water is," the clerk said with a nervous laugh. Hoss stared at him. "It-it's water."
"Yes, it is," Annie said dryly. "How long?" The clerk looked stricken.
"Half an hour?"
"That's perfectly fine." Hoss walked him to the door.
"And if you need anything, anything at all, just pull this service bell here." He demonstrated, then did a double take. "Oh, I forgot your key, Mr. Cartwright." He handed it over and scurried from the room. Hoss frowned and ambled back over to the beds.
"Did you see that?"
"The way he looked at us like we were a couple of hungry wolves and he was a deer?"
"No," he said slowly. "He gave me this key and he winked at me." She raised one brow.
"After that saloon, I don't think anything in this town will surprise me. Big Jack," she added with a snicker.
"Oh, stop it. That old feller just mistook me for someone else is all."
"Whatever they did, we need to get that money down to the bank and get a draft right now. Everyone in town will think they know how much cash we've got before you can say pass the fried chicken." Her brother frowned.
"Yeah. Let's go." They went downstairs and Annie caught the clerk diving out of sight into another room. What was up with that man? She joined Hoss outside and they looked around. Where had everybody gone?
"We've seen some dead towns, big brother, but none like this one."
"Yeah. Hey." He nudged her shoulder and whistled at a tan and white dog sitting in the street. "Here boy, come here, boy." The dog barked and ran off.
"Friendly, too," she muttered. "I'm starting to think the faster we get that draft and get out of here, the better."
"Me, too. Come on." They started down the street, an itch attacking her shoulder blades. There might not be anyone out and about, but they were being watched all the same. She glanced over her shoulder a few times, but didn't see anything.
Hoss opened the bank door and it slammed shut in his face. "Hey!" He pounded on the door. "Open up!" A hand slipped a closed sign into the window and they looked at each other.
"Sorry." A shaky voice drifted through the door. "We're closed."
"Closed for lunch?" she asked.
"N-no, just closed."
"It can't be no more than one o'clock," Hoss protested.
"W-we close early on holidays." Hoss turned to her with a frown.
"It's not a holiday."
"I didn't think it was," he replied. "What holiday?" There was a pause, then, another shaky answer.
"Good Tuesday." They traded confused glances and Hoss shrugged.
"Must be a local holiday." She studied the street. "Maybe that's why it's so quiet." Her brother shrugged.
"Guess so." He sighed. "Well, we ain't gonna get nothing done here today, might as well go get cleaned up, we can get what we want in the morning."
"Aren't you finished yet?" Annie lounged on the bed, brushing her hair out, while Hoss sank deeper into the water with a sigh, splashing some over the rim of the tub. "You're going to turn into a fish if you don't watch it."
"Most gals would still be sitting in this here tub and my water would be cold as ice long before they was done."
"I'm clean again, why linger?" She worked at a tangle. "Or would you rather still be sitting out in the hallway?"
"It wasn't very comfortable, I'll grant you that." He paused a moment, then continued hesitantly, "There wouldn't be something you might want to talk to old Hoss about, is there?" She turned around slowly, a frown on her face.
"What?"
"Uh-uh, we ain't playing that game. I know we've been busy since Stillwater and the two of us ain't had much chance to talk, but you can't fool me. I was half afraid we was gonna have to bail you out, too."
"I told you I knew what I was doing, I haven't lost my head, yet."
"It's that yet that worries me, little sister. It wasn't that long ago you hadn't ever been in a jail cell neither."
"The point, Hoss?"
"Now, you might be able to fool Joe, but I seen a few things he hasn't."
"Funny, he thinks he's the one I can't fool."
"I bet he does." Her brother scrubbed his arms and fixed her with a knowing look. "You ain't the only one in this family that don't like missing pieces and stuff that don't add up."
"Can we please get to the point before you wrinkle like an old shirt?" She went back to the stubborn tangle.
"All right, but remember, you asked for it," he said, gesturing with the bar of soap. "What's between you and Candy?" She dropped her brush and her jaw followed.
"What?"
"You heard me. I thought about what happened when you were accused of killin' Younger, and then at Stillwater, but it goes back a sight longer than that."
"To when?" she said through her teeth, and he swallowed hard.
"Postley."
"Then you can understand why you think you see anything beyond friendship. He's the only real friend I've ever had, and all we had in that pit was each other, that's all it is. Had it been you or Joe, it wouldn't be any different."
"You been saying that for quite a while, too."
"It's true." She scooped up her brush and went at her hair with renewed focus. "There's nothing there."
"Annie –"
"What would you do if it had been your best friend at Stillwater? How would you have handled it?" Hoss scratched his cheek while he thought about it, then finally shrugged.
"Probably about the same as you." He shot her a sideways glance. "But that ain't what I mean. Joe didn't see the look in your eyes when Roy asked for your gun, but I did. You was begging Candy to turn it over for you, cause you couldn't bring yourself to do it." Annie's heart pounded like a drum.
"So?"
"I'll admit, I believed you for a while, but I'm not so sure anymore."
"Will you just get to the point?" She fought the urge to sling her hairbrush across the room. "We're just friends, okay? I haven't done anything for him I wouldn't do for you or Joe."
"That's true," he admitted. "But I can't shake the feeling there's more to it."
"There's not." Her grip tightened on the handle. "How many times do I have to say it?"
He fixed her with a knowing look. "I'd say that depends on who you're trying to convince." She blinked at him, her mouth hanging open and he shook his head. "Well, can you pull that cord over there so we can tell that clerk he can take the tub away? And step out in the hall a moment, will you?" She hopped off the bed, half-dazed, and tugged on the rope, then stepped back, idly counting seconds while the rest of her mind spun. What made him say that?
Less than twenty seconds had passed before the door flew open and the clerk almost did a header into the tub. He caught himself on the dresser next to the door and stood there, blinking at them a moment.
"You rang?"
"Yeah. Give me five minutes and you can take this tub away."
"Oh, certainly, certainly." He turned to go.
"Hey, friend." He froze stock still when Hoss spoke and her eyebrows shot into her hairline. He turned slowly, a panicked expression covering his face. "A happy Good Tuesday to you, too." A nervous smile appeared then disappeared.
"Thank you." The door slammed behind him and Annie turned to Hoss, eyebrows high.
"What is going on in this town?" He shrugged.
"Maybe they don't get many visitors. At least we'll get soft beds tonight. Outside, please?" She shrugged herself and stepped into the hall, leaning back against the door, teeth working at her bottom lip.
Why was he so all-fired certain there was something to find? And how was she going to make him lose interest? Brother Hoss was worse than a mountain lion on the hunt once he got something stuck in his head.
What part of Candy was her best friend did they not understand?
"Pass the ketchup, please." Annie stopped chewing her bite of eggs and looked at him in silence as she handed over the glass bottle. Hoss turned it upside down and shook it hard.
"Why don't you drink it out of the bottle?" He shook his head, a half smile on his face.
"How many times have I told you it's good on eggs? You ought to try it. Here." He tried to hand her the bottle and she shoved it away.
"No, thanks." The clock on the wall chimed and she glanced over her shoulder. "Time to get to the bank." She wiped her mouth on a napkin and pushed her chair back. Hoss scraped his last few bites into his mouth and followed suit.
"First time I've ever had room service, might get spoiled." He went over and picked up the saddlebags off the dresser. "I think I'll have Hop Sing bring me my breakfast every morning." Annie burst out laughing.
"He couldn't carry your breakfast."
"Oh, hush." He shooed her out the door and they started down the hall. A door opened a few feet down and two men exited. "Howdy."
"Morning. Ma'am." They both tipped their hats and she nodded back. The four of them headed downstairs in a group and she caught sight of the clerk ducking down behind his wooden desk. She shook her head slowly and walked outside, barely resisting the urge to kick his desk or otherwise scare him out of a year's growth.
"Quiet town, isn't it?" She commented once they were on the street. The younger of the two strangers nodded.
"Yeah."
"Do I know you from someplace?" She glanced over her shoulder at the taller man walking with her brother. Hoss shook his head in annoyance.
"I don't think so."
"Oh, I'm sure of it."
"Wouldn't happen to be a fella by the name of Big Jack, would it?"
"Big Jack?" The tall stranger looked her brother up and down. "He's a tall, handsome john."
"Really?"
"He don't look nothing like you." Hoss froze mid-smile. She smothered a snort and he mouthed something that looked like behave. Annie smiled sweetly and turned back around. The four of them stopped at the bank and she sighed.
"Still closed."
"Well, what for?" Hoss looked around.
"Maybe it's Good Wednesday." She parked her hands on her hips. "Do either of you two know what's going on?" The younger one shrugged and the tall one shook his head.
"No, ma'am. We're just passing through."
"Maybe someone in the saloon can tell us when the bank will open."
"Worth a shot. Hey, if you two are waiting on the bank to open, you're wasting your time. Only way in there is to break in."
"Probably," the tall man said with a laugh. Hoss sighed.
"Well, see you, fellas. Come on, Annie." They hurried down the street and walked into the saloon. All conversation ceased and the room fell silent, everyone stared at them with wide eyes. She and Hoss looked at each other. He shrugged and they headed for the bar, dozens of eyes following their every step.
What in the world was going on?
She leaned on the bar and nudged the man next to her. He jumped a mile. "Wh-what, ma'am? No, miss, I mean miss. S-sorry."
"You know if the bank is going to open today?" The man swallowed hard enough to down a bucket and glanced sideways to the man next to him, who shook his head slightly. The man turned back and shrugged. "Why not?" He shrugged again and she straightened. "All right, I've had it. Hoss, we've wasted enough time here as it is, let's get moving."
"Yeah. I didn't want to do it this way, but I guess we got no choice."
"Shouldn't be this hard to get a blasted bank draft," she muttered on the way out. "You'd think we were trying to rob the place." Hoss hummed agreement and pushed through the swinging doors. Honestly, she hadn't seen a town this skittish since … oh, what was that name? Muddy Creek, that was it. Halfway to the hotel, the pieces clicked and she blinked. "Hoss, didn't that old timer say something about a job in Silo?"
"Hm? Yeah, I think he might have. Why?"
"This whole town thinks we're bank robbers." Hoss stopped dead in his tracks and she ran into his back. "Hoss!"
"Sorry, sis." He looked at her, then back at the saloon. "You really think so?"
"Can you come up with something else that makes sense?"
"If you're right, we need to get out of this town fast. Let's go." They reached the hotel and hurried upstairs, the nervous clerk nowhere in sight. Packing wouldn't take long since they always traveled light. Ten minutes and they should be on their way.
"Let's go." Hoss buckled his saddlebags and Annie slung hers over her shoulder.
"I was ready yesterday." A knock came at the door and she rolled her eyes. "What now?"
"I don't know." He went to answer it and the old timer from yesterday walked into the room, hat in hand. "What can we do for you?"
"Well, I wanted to talk to you about somethin'."
"Look, old timer." Annie turned around, leaning on the foot board of the bed. "We're ready to get out of here, so if you could make it fast?" He swallowed hard.
"Well, uh … that's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. It's awful important."
"Get on with it." He took a few steps closer to the beds, a faraway look in his eyes.
"It's kind of a matter of life and death."
"Whose?"
"Yours." She blinked, not quite sure she'd heard him right. Beside her, Hoss froze. Salty cleared his throat, not making eye contact with either one of them. "You'd better sit down, this'll take a while." He sighed and turned his hat over in his hands. "It started yesterday, right before you rode into town. Well, actually, it started fifteen years ago, but the part about you started yesterday." Annie took a seat at the table that had been hauled upstairs for their breakfast and rested her chin in her hand.
"I like to tell stories, you know, and I was reading the paper, and the article about Big Jack robbing the Silo bank. Well, I told Bobby Dan and the boys that I knew Big Jack. Then you two walked in and I … well, I said you was Big Jack. They didn't believe me."
"I wouldn't either," Annie muttered. Hoss nudged her arm.
"They seen all that money in your bags and then they believed me. Anyway, they think you're planning to rob the bank, that's why it ain't open."
"A bank doesn't have to be open to get robbed," she pointed out. Hoss nudged her again and she gave him the look. Salty cleared his throat and shifted his weight.
"I know that. And they would too if they'd stop and think, but they ain't and they won't. If I can't talk you two into giving yourselves up and letting us put you in jail until the marshal comes by next month, they plan to shoot you down the second you walk out of this here hotel." Annie closed her eyes and shook her head slowly. Hoss rubbed his forehead.
"This ain't no joke?"
"Afraid not."
"So we either spend a month in jail or we get shot."
"Afraid so." Salty swallowed hard. "Sure wish there was something I could do."
"Go out there and tell them the truth," Annie said through her teeth.
"Wouldn't do no good, they won't believe me."
"They have to!" Hoss jumped out of his chair and began to pace. "I can't believe this is happening, I just can't believe this is happening!"
"We're Cartwrights. You're surprised because …?" He shot her a look and resumed pacing. Salty hung his head.
"They don't want to believe me."
"That don't make no sense," Hoss protested.
"Yes, it does," Salty said quietly. "When I first come to Sunville, everybody had just quit livin'. Oh, they was breathin' and everything, but they wasn't really livin'. Wasn't nothing to do, and even less to talk about. So I started making up stories and everybody loved it."
"Until yesterday."
"Some fellas called me a liar before. But they'd always get over it. But yesterday … everybody was feeling so downright low, and, well, they seen you." He swallowed hard and looked down. "And I figured they'd get a big kick out of thinkin' they had a real bank robber in town."
"I surely do hate to disappoint them, but I ain't going to jail for no month." Hoss grabbed his saddlebags. Salty hung his head again. Annie leaned back in her chair, the wheels slowly beginning to turn.
"He did give you a choice, Hoss."
"Oh, very funny, little sister, very funny!" She shrugged and kept turning the idea over in her head. It wasn't fool proof, but considering it was a bunch of old timers, it might work. Candy would sure get a kick out of it when she finally got a chance to tell him. "Hey … what if we went out the back way?"
"They got the hotel surrounded," Salty said. Hoss slung his saddlebags back on the bed and Annie snickered under her breath. Hoss turned a withering glare on her and she grinned back. He sauntered over. "And just what are you siting there grinning about?"
"I might have an idea." She studied her nails.
"Out with it."
"You asked for it." She sat forward. "Those fellas out there want Big Jack dead or in jail, correct?"
"Yeah."
"And our lying friend over here wants everybody to be happy, correct?"
"So?" He wasn't tracking, she could see it in his face. She picked up the ketchup bottle and studied it closely.
"Big Jack …" She looked up at Hoss. "You're just gonna have to die." He nodded once, then did a double take. The look on his face sent her into peals of laughter.
"Sis? Oh, boy, just what have you got in mind?" A slow smile spread over her face and he gulped.
"Why do I get a bad feeling about this?"
"It'll be fine, trust me. Look, Salty goes back outside and tells those old timers he's going to fight it out with Big Jack, he pretends to shoot you, we cart you over to the undertaker, stuff you in a coffin, and haul you out of town. Then, I'll come back, get the horses, and off we go." She leaned back in her chair. "Simple as that." Hoss gulped again and gave her a nervous look.
"I think you done been around Candy too long, that sounds like something he'd have come up with." Annie shrugged.
"What other option do we have?"
"None," Salty said with a pointed glance at the clock. "They ain't gonna wait much longer."
"Fine!" Hoss threw up his hands. "But if something goes wrong, little sis, I ain't never gonna let you forget it. Come on, Salty. Wait. What are you gonna use for –" She held up the ketchup bottle and he swallowed hard. "Oh." He grabbed his hat and stuffed it on his head. The three of them left the room and headed downstairs. Salty eased the front door open and hollered across the street.
"Hey, don't shoot! It's me, Salty!"
"Well, come on, then!" He went to join his friends and a conversation ensued. Beside her, Hoss shifted his weight.
"I still ain't too sure about this."
"Come on out, Big Jack. I'm a-waitin'." Annie rolled her eyes and popped the lid off the ketchup bottle, pouring some into her hand.
"There's your cue."
"Don't I know it," he grouched, and reached for the door knob.
"Make it good, big brother." He rolled his eyes and stomped outside, swaggering like … she wasn't really sure what to compare that to … a rooster maybe? She couldn't see his face, but that was probably for the best. It'd give everything away if she burst out laughing.
"That's far enough, Jack." Salty straightened. "You always did like to back-shoot a man, Jack, and now's your chance." He turned around and she rolled her eyes again. If anyone believed this, it would be a miracle. The only thing going for them was the fact people saw what they wanted to see. "Make your play." People scattered, ducking back into houses and crouching behind the make shift barricade.
Nothing happened for a long moment, then Hoss went for his gun, and Salty fired without turning around. Her brother staggered back, clutching at his chest, making odd groaning noises, then fell to his knees and landed face-first in the street. Annie rolled her eyes and hurried outside as Salty turned around. She ran to her brother and dropped to her knees, rolling him over and moving his hand off his chest so she could smear a handful of ketchup on his shirt. "That was the corniest thing I've ever seen," she hissed under her breath. Hoss didn't so much as blink. She schooled her features and raised her eyes to the approaching crowd, focusing on Salty. "Got him right through the heart," she announced with a tinge of bitterness in her voice.
"I know."
"I ain't got no quarrel with you, old timer," she hissed. "If some of you fellas will help me get him fitted for a pine box, we'll be out of Sunville by this afternoon." Salty tilted his head and looked around at the crowd.
"Fine by me. I think I'll have me a drink." He stuffed his pistol in the waistband of his pants and strode confidently down the street, the crowd trailing in his wake like a horde of baby chickens. Annie bit her tongue to stop a snort. Somehow, it had worked.
"Ma'am." The taller stranger from this morning swept his hat off his head and held it over his heart, his friend mimicking the gesture. "It grieves me to see how callous some people can be to a woman in need. Could we be of service in helping you get your brother to the undertaker?"
"Thank you." She straightened, slinging the saddlebags over her shoulder, careful to keep herself closest to the "wound" as they moved to help. The second they tried to pick Hoss up, their eyes met, widening in astonishment. The taller one looked around and caught a bystander by the arm.
"Get over here and help the lady." He hauled the man over so fast he almost knocked him off his feet. "You too," he grouched at another man nearby. "It's disgraceful, is what it is." The five of them managed to cart Hoss the short distance to the undertaker's parlor, where the proprietor met them with an oily smile.
"Will you be needing embalming, a service, the whole works?"
"Just a coffin." Annie looked around the dim room with what she hoped was disgust. "I'm not leaving my brother in this two-bit town longer than necessary. He's going home."
"But, miss, with the heat –" The taller stranger grabbed the man by his lapels and hoisted him off his feet.
"I believe you heard the lady. Coffin only." He dropped him back to his feet. "Now get to it."
"Yes, sir, of course, sir." The undertaker straightened his coat and waved her to follow him. "I have one right here." He motioned to a pine box and they deposited Hoss inside. "Would you care for a blanket to cover him?"
"Yes." She dug into her pocket. "How much?" The man shot a glance at the tall stranger and hesitantly named a price she was fairly sure wasn't his usual fee. She paid him and the two strangers tipped their hats.
"I'm afraid we must be going, ma'am. I am sorry for your loss."
"Thank you." She watched them leave, then turned to the undertaker. "Can I have a few minutes alone?"
"Of course. I'll be back with the blanket." He left the room and her lips twitched. She turned around and leaned on the edge of the coffin.
"Well?" she whispered.
"Hush up." Hoss opened his eyes and folded his arms, smearing ketchup across his sleeve. "We still have to get out of this town."
"And we will. I'm going for a wagon now." She passed him the saddlebags and he tucked them under his arm. "Be glad all you had to fool was a bunch of old timers, that was terrible."
"So you said." Footsteps approached and she turned, wiping her eyes as though she'd been crying. The undertaker clucked his tongue.
"I am sorry for you loss, miss."
"Thank you." She reached for the blanket. "I'd like to do it, if you don't mind."
"Oh. Of course." She draped the fabric over Hoss, concealing the fake wound and the saddlebags from any prying eyes.
"You can put the lid on now." She took a few steps away from the coffin and turned back. "I'll be back with a wagon." She hurried down the street towards the livery and rented the first wagon the man pointed out, driving back to the undertaker's in less than ten minutes. The undertaker waited in front of his business, watching her with an oily smile. She set the brake and jumped down. "I feel fine, mister, so you can get that hopeful look off your face."
"Oh."
"Can we get the coffin loaded, please?"
"Of course." They headed inside and a loafing man slouched against the wall caught her sleeve.
"We'll fetch it, for a dollar. In advance." She dug in her pocket and handed him a coin. He smiled, nudged his friend, and they headed inside.
"You sure you feel all right?"
"Ask me one more time and you won't." The undertaker paled and stepped away. The two men came out, staggering under the coffin's weight, and shoved it into the back of the wagon. Annie climbed up on the seat and slapped the lines over the horses' backs, a nagging feeling bugging her that something was wrong, but they'd gotten away with it, so what was that about?
She'd have to come back to return the wagon and collect their horses, but that was no problem, not a big one anyway. She'd also have to come up with some reason for avoiding Sunville for the next decade or so that the rest of them would believe, unless they found it funny enough by the time they reached home to share the story.
She drove for a couple of miles before stopping. "Sorry about the bumps, big brother." She collected the pry bar she'd "borrowed" from the livery and jumped down. "After all this time, you should know not to doubt me, I told you it would work." Even if she'd privately had her doubts, he didn't need to know that. She went to work with the pry bar, nails screeching through wood. "I'll have you out in a minute." She raised the lid and dropped it in shock. Annie blinked a few times, then hesitantly raised the lid a second time.
Still dead. Still a stranger.
"I should have known." Two men to carry a coffin when it had taken five before. That was what was wrong, she should have realized! Annie scrambled back onto the seat and turned the horses, sending them racing back towards Sunville at a dead gallop.
People looked at her strangely when she stopped the wagon in a cloud of dust in front of the undertaker's but she didn't have time to care. She darted inside and skidded to a halt in the deserted mortuary. "Is anyone here?"
"Can I help you?" She spun, found the undertaker rising out of a coffin behind her and stepped back, eyeing the man incredulously. "Oh, it's you." He smiled. "I was just grabbing forty winks." In a coffin? She licked her lips and parked her hands on her hips.
"You gave me the wrong coffin." He blinked.
"And how would you know?" Annie shrugged.
"I just know, now give me the other one."
"I can't do it."
"Why not?"
"It isn't here," he said gently. Her mouth fell open and her heart skipped a beat.
"Wh-where is it?"
"My guess would be about six feet underground in the cemetery."
"Underground?" she breathed and he nodded. Hoss was going to kill her … "Where is the cemetery?"
"North of town." She turned and ran, crashing into a man outside on the street that she vaguely realized was one of the strangers who'd unwittingly helped them, then leaped onto the wagon.
"Yah, yah!" The horses bolted.
North of town … there was a whole lot of blasted acreage north of town. It couldn't be that hard to find, could it? If he got buried, she'd never live this one down. Annie followed the road and the fresh tracks from wagons and saddle horses in the dirt. This had to be the right direction.
A sloping hill dotted with tombstones came into view and she slowed the horses. Not a moment too soon, either, as people scrambled down the slope to their buggies. Annie stopped the wagon and jumped down, pushing past the frightened crowd.
Unless she missed her guess, the dead had come back to life.
She reached the open grave and the coffin, found Hoss sitting up, the blanket thankfully still over his head, and grabbed his arm. "Come on," she hissed, as she helped him out of the coffin. A black-clad woman huddled on the ground next to the grave and Annie bit her lip. "Sorry, ma'am." She pulled her brother down the hill to the waiting hearse. What must that poor woman think?
"What's going on here?" Hoss yanked the blanket off his head and adjusted his hold on the saddlebags. Annie shrugged.
"Minor miscalculation, big brother. I'll tell you about it on the way to town so we get the horses and get out of here."
"Minor miscalculation?" He climbed onto the hearse's seat beside her and grabbed the reins. "Little sister, I find that hard to believe when I was this close to being buried." He held up his hand in front of her face, his fingers scant inches apart. Annie shrugged and he shook his head. "How Pa thinks you're the wisest is beyond me sometimes, especially when you come up with something like this. Hyah!" The hearse jolted and then they were racing back to Sunville.
"Well, we're not in jail and you're not really dead, so there is that."
"Barely."
"You ought to be thanking your lucky stars they fell for some bad acting and a glob of ketchup."
"We ain't out of Sunville, yet."
"Don't remind me." Annie pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes. This was definitely not one of her better ideas, but in her defense, she hadn't had that long to come up with a decent plan. "I should have known it wasn't the right coffin when it only took two men to carry it to the wagon."
"Imagine that."
"I was kind of in a hurry." Conversation stopped as they reached the edge of town. Hoss left the hearse next to someone's house and they slipped into the shadows, easing towards the livery. Not many people seemed to be out; Annie was willing to bet that most of them were still in the saloon, celebrating with Salty.
"Coast is clear, let's get the horses." Annie nodded and reached for the door just as a crowd poured out of the saloon. Salty wobbled on his feet, laughing as he separated himself from the group and stepped into the street.
"That's far enough, Big Jack! Far enough!" She froze. What was he doing?! The crowd of old timers laughed heartily. She and Hoss traded looks. "You always did like to back-shoot a man, Jack. Now's your chance, oh, shut up and let me finish this. M-make your play." Drunk. They were all drunk. Annie scraped a hand over her face.
"We already killed you once. What do we do now?" Hoss turned his head.
"I was hoping you had a bright idea."
"If you're expecting something that doesn't involve a telegram to Pa … I wouldn't hold my breath."
"I'd rather spend a month in jail than go through that again." Hoss raised his hands and she sighed, then raised hers. They stepped out past the livery's overhang into the street and froze, staring at the two men on the other side of the wall with their hands in the air.
"Could that be …" Hoss looked the tall stranger up and down.
"Big Jack?" He finished for her. The stranger sighed and looked at his friend. The crowd rushed over and collected bank bags at their feet. The old timers looked at her and Hoss with wide eyes. Annie shrugged innocently.
"Hey, you didn't let me do the part where I go bang," Salty protested, his gun in his hand. He was laughing until he got a good look at Hoss.
"Salty." One of the men pointed at her brother. "I thought you killed him." Salty stared, slowly shaking his head. The next thing anyone knew, he'd collapsed in a heap. Some of the men rushed to him, but most of them turned their attention to her and Hoss. "You fellas, take them two somewhere and keep an eye on 'em." The man who'd questioned Salty waved a few men off to deal with – as Annie figured – the real Big Jack, then he looked back to her. "As for you, what's the meaning of this?"
"Uh, well … um …" Come on, Annie, think.
"Well, fellas, you see …" Hoss trailed off and they traded looks. Annie shrugged again and lowered her hands.
"Uh, my brother isn't Big Jack, but you probably figured that out, finally." She licked her lips and looked around the crowd. If they liked listening to whoppers, she'd give them a good one. "He's a detective, trailing the real Big Jack, but we had to get him out in the open, you know. So … well …" Oh, if they believed this, they had to be drunk. "We, um, took Salty into our confidence, and he agreed to identify Hoss as Big Jack so we could confuse him into showing himself. And it worked."
"You're a detective?" The one who appeared to be the leader asked, his voice rising in shock. Hoss lowered his hands and propped them on his hips. He gave her a sideways look and she nodded.
"Yeah. It's just like my sister said. We didn't figure Big Jack would suspect anything if I brought her along."
"And Salty helped you?" They both nodded. "Well, I'll be. A real detective," he breathed.
"Yeah, uh." Hoss jerked his thumb over his shoulder at the hotel where they'd carried Salty. "We kind of have some things to discuss, you mind if we head on over and wait for him to wake up?"
"Of course not. But you tell him old Bobby Dan told you he better come talk to us as soon as you're finished."
"Oh, he will, don't you worry about that. Hey, could you have someone saddle our horses and leave 'em at the hitch rail? We need to be moving on, get word back that Big Jack's been caught."
"Well, sure. Fred, go saddle Cartwright's horses!" Hoss caught her arm and tugged her across the street and into the hotel, the clerk thankfully nowhere in sight.
"That was about half stupid. Me, a detective? Come on, sis, ain't no one gonna believe that for long."
"They did." She folded her arms and glanced out the window. "People believe what they want to believe."
"Maybe. Why didn't you just tell them the truth?"
"They wouldn't believe it," she scoffed. "They're so used to whoppers I bet the truth could jump up and bite them and they wouldn't notice." Hoss chuckled and sat down next to the unconscious Salty.
"What are we gonna tell him?"
"Nothing." She left the window and picked a chair for herself. "Let him sweat for a while." She turned the chair around and straddled it backwards.
It was another few minutes before the old coot showed signs of waking up. Hoss leaned forward. "Salty?" The man blinked and opened his eyes. "Come on, sit up." He groaned and rubbed his head. "How you feeling?"
"I'd feel better if I was dead."
"Oh, it ain't that bad."
"Really?" Bushy eyebrows rose and he shook his head. "I'm the laughin' stock of the whole town. Salty the gunfighter, back to Salty the old liar. Everything was going so good, too." He glanced over his shoulder. "What went wrong?"
"Just about everything," Annie replied. "They know Hoss isn't Big Jack."
"No." The old man sighed. "And they know I'm not what I claimed to be." He hung his head. "You two mind if I rode along with you for a while?"
"Where to?" Hoss' brow furrowed. "And why?"
"Don't matter where. Just somewhere an old man can live out his years without folks laughing at him. I'd just like to get away without having to see anybody."
"They're not gonna let you do that," Annie said slowly. "They're all waiting across the street." Salty frowned and pushed off the sofa, headed for the window and peered out. His throat worked and he turned around.
"I don't want to see them. Especially that Bobby Dan, he'll get on me something fierce." Hoss sighed and stood up.
"You're gonna have to face 'em sooner or later." Salty shook his head and Annie left her chair.
"Why can't I just slip out the back, act like I don't know they're there?"
"Why don't you just walk out the front and face them like a man?" Annie asked quietly. He'd made this whole mess, he should have the guts to clean it up. Salty stared down at his worn boots, deep in thought. He sighed, picked up his pistol off the desk and studied it.
"All right. They can have their laugh. I guess they've earned it, listening to my hogwash all these years." He settled his hat on his head and opened the door. "Maybe I'll get lucky and kick off before I get across the street." Annie rolled her eyes as Hoss bent to collect their saddlebags. The three of them headed outside, Salty freezing in his tracks at the edge of the street.
"Go on, Salty, get it over with." The man took a deep breath and kept walking until he reached the restless crowd.
"All right, all right, go ahead. I deserve it."
"You sure do, Salty," Bobby Dan said. A smile split his weathered face and he held out a tin star. "Here." Salty took it and turned it over in his hands. "When Detective Cartwright told us how you planned the whole thing to lure the real Big Jack out in the open, we was mighty proud." Salty looked up in shock. "And we realize you ain't just a great gunfighter, you're a great lawman." The old timer's head whipped around, staring at her and Hoss. She gave him a half shrug.
"The real Big Jack?" And that was what he lit on?
"You caught him red-handed," Bobby Dan said, his voice shaking with excitement. "We got him and his partner back there in the mortuary. Go on, put it on." Salty licked his lips.
"I don't … I don't think I really ought to wear this. See … I'm … I'm …"
"Salty," Hoss broke in. "This town needs and deserves a good lawman. You can't let 'em down now."
"Well …" Salty looked around, his eyes suspiciously bright. "I suppose you're right." He pinned the star on his vest. "I was thinking about joining back up with the Texas Rangers," he said as he struggled with the pin and Annie fought the urge to roll her eyes. Another whopper. Would he ever learn? "But I guess that can wait." He sniffed and wiped his eyes. "All right, boys." He straightened, seeming to stand a little taller than he had just seconds before. "I'll be the sheriff." The crowd cheered and Hoss nudged her arm. They made their way to the horses, Bobby Dan's excitement making his voice crack.
"Wait till word gets back, Sunville will be famous all the way to New York, and maybe even to St. Louis!" Annie rolled her eyes and waited for Hoss to strap the saddlebags behind his saddle.
"Hey, you fellas go on ahead, I'll be there in a minute."
"All right, Salty, but don't be too long." The crowd kept walking, and then Salty was at Chub's hip.
"Where you two heading?"
"Home," Hoss said.
"I wish you could join me for a drink." Annie untied Reno from the hitch rail and turned the grulla.
"Wish we could, Salty, but we really have to be going." She swung into the saddle and waited for Hoss. Salty swallowed hard.
"Well, I … I never will forget you two."
"We won't forget you either." As if they could.
"Well … I wish …" He swallowed. "I wish there was something I could do to thank you." Hoss frowned, then his face brightened.
"There is." He jerked his chin at the saloon. "Go on down there and tell 'em one for us." He laughed and Annie laughed with him. "Come on, Annie, let's go." He urged Chub into a lope and she gave Reno his head. They were well out of town when Hoss cleared his throat. "You have an idea as to what we're going to tell Pa?"
"The truth, what else? He'd never believe Salty's whoppers."
"Trouble is, one of them might be more believable."