A/N: This entry is written by Alice. Edward's comments are in italics
Edward's MUST DO list
*Fuck OFF Alice!*
Give up any remaining items stolen from Bella Swan. ALL of them. * you already stole them all you BEAST!*
Apologise to your family and listen to why what you did was wrong with an open mind.
Forgive us. *Never!*
Stop going to Bella's house, stalking, spying, scavenging trash and doing stuff without her knowledge. -NO exceptions!-
Learn about the right to privacy (not just yours!)
Think long and hard about how Bella would feel if she knew. *✓*
Think about how you would feel if Mike did this to Bella. *Wow. Jane Volturi's got nothing on you, Alice*
Stop isolating yourself and cutting everyone off so much. *I'll get right on that seeing as you make it so easy for me to open up.*
Humanise your schoolmates, they're people not objects!
Learn to face your problems and grow from your mistakes, not just try to run away to Volterra every six hours!
Forgive yourself.
Get a hobby. *THANKS OPRAH. I'M FINE NOW*
A/N: Please leave a review! How many, if any, of these things do you think Edward will eventually end up doing? How much will he complain before he does them?
Just a reminder that Edward cannot continue being so atrocious to everyone indefinitely. It is time he ate some humble pie. He will come back to you in his trademark Bonerward/Prudeward style, but he needs to have a difficult adolescence first. Thanks for bearing with him.
I plan on uploading the chapters without comedy in batches so that those who are here for the laughs aren't too alienated by the tonal change and can whizz through them. I sincerely hope you will fall in love with him on the other side of all of this. The only way out is through.
Thanks to the creative, kind and funny wh1teow1 for being the best beta for this story please show some love and read Moirai, a reimagining of Twilight for the new decade!