DILAN'S P.O.V.
Dilan woke up the next day and everyone hung out around the Inn. Apparently, Levi had left on some early morning meeting which pissed her off to no end. How was she supposed to observe him if he wasn't here? They were leaving at 5.
Thankfully Levi came home around 3 in the afternoon but before Dilan even managed to open her mouth he had walked through the house, reading a file as he moved, telling those in the kitchen to not disturb him. Dilan sighed, unable to deny the dread in her stomach. Something was up, she could feel it in her bones. And yet, what could she do? He wouldn't give her the chance to get some time with him and then when he did, he acted normally and threw her off the trail.
Sneaky bastard was good, but she was better. He couldn't hide from her forever.
5 O'clock came around and everyone was ready to go. Petra called her down and she cringed. This wasn't going to be fun. She was going to have to put on the act of her life. Walking downstairs everyone blinked at her and the lack of bags in her hand.
"I'm sorry guys, I don't think I'm going to make it tonight." Dilan apologised. "What?" Gunther frowned.
"Really? Why?" Petra asked, walking towards her. Eld and Oluo looked particularly peed off but Dilan decided to ignore them.
"I'm sorry, I just feel like shit. I won't be able to bear that long horse ride." Dilan admitted with a weak chuckle. Concern sparked in Petra's eyes as she felt Dilan's forehead.
"You feel sick? Should I stay? I can take care of you." Petra offered. Dilan smiled warmly but shook her head.
"I'm fine."
"Really? Are you sure? We could stay?" Eld offered.
"Yeah, it won't be fair if you're by here all by yourself." Gunther added and Oluo nodded in agreement. Dilan quickly saw that this was getting out of hand. She needed them gone so she would be able to get Levi alone and crack him on what was up.
She lent closer to Petra and whispered her 'womanly condition'. It was bullshit, she'd had hers a week ago, but Petra didn't need to know that. Understanding filled Petra's eyes and she smiled, nodding.
"Seriously, I'll be fine. I'm actually looking forward to sometime in bed, I can finish my book." She said to Petra with a smile, convincingly. Petra chuckled, stroking her hair.
"Okay, Hun. If that's what you want." She said kindly and Dilan nodded. Petra turned back to the others. "She's a grown ass woman, she'll be fine. Let's go, we'll be late." Petra said in an authoritative voice, pushing the reluctant guys out the door. They tried to protest but Petra shushed them, giving Dilan a wink and closing the door behind them. Dilan sighed in relief, thank god for that girl.
She looked at the office door and took a deep breath. Now to deal with her grumpy friend.
After making a batch of tea, a bribe if you will, Dilan was about to knock on the door but decided to experiment. She never used to knock. If Levi was Levi, he wouldn't care since they were alone. Deciding there was no harm, Dilan turned the doorknob. Dilan heard some scrambling and a desk draw slam shut before she managed to open the door. The frown on Levi's face was interesting, especially as the frown didn't drop when he saw it was her.
That's strike one, Levi.
"Forgot how to knock, brat?" Levi asked in a deadpan. Dilan shrugged, setting the tea down, closing the door and taking a seat.
"No one's home. I never used to knock." She shot back, crossing her arms. Levi looked at her for a second before averting his gaze back down to his papers.
"I thought you were supposed to be going with them?" He asked, sounding annoyed.
That's strike two, Levi.
"Yeah well I didn't feel up to it." She replied.
There was a moment of tense silence.
"Regardless, I'm busy. I believe I was asked not to be disturbed." He said eventually and Dilan's eyes hardened.
That's strike three, grumps.
"Okay what the hell?!" Dilan asked standing up.
Levi looked up at her, seemingly confused by her abrupt shift to anger.
"What the hell is going on with you?" She questioned, crossing her arms and Levi looked away. "It was really convincing, Levi. Really fucking convincing, I almost brought it, the whole 'busy' thing. You've become a damn good liar but unfortunately for you, I know my best friend. So, you better tell me what the fuck is up right now before I really lose my shit." Dilan said seriously.
Levi looked at her and Dilan could see the hesitance in his eyes. There was silence for a long time and Dilan didn't falter. She wouldn't back down from this. Apparently the same could not be said for her friend.
"Utter bullshit." He mumbled, standing up and walking away, out of the office. Dilan let out a scoff of disbelief before going after him.
"Really? Running away?" Dilan asked, following after him.
Levi didn't reply, going through the kitchen and out the front door.
"HEY!" Dilan yelled, completely infuriated now, she jogged after him as he went around the back and towards the forest. "Levi fucking talk to me! What is wrong with you?!" She asked his back.
No answer was received as they continued into the forest.
"Am I that untrustworthy? Why won't you let me be there for you?!" Dilan asked, tears collecting in her eyes. Levi didn't answer and kept walking. "You PROMISED me, Levi. Right in this fucking forest you promised me no matter what you would stay my best friend. You fucking promised me!" Dilan said angrily.
Levi froze for a moment but carried on walking. Dilan was not having that. She caught up to him and grabbed his arm tightly, tugging him to a stop.
"Hey-!" Dilan tried again but was cut off as she caught a very subtle wince of pain and her stomach dropped. One thought circled her mind.
That should not have hurt.
Dilan looked down at his arm before back at Levi's face. While his face was straight there was clear panic in his eyes. Silence followed and they remained standing there. Dilan could feel her heart beating in her chest rapidly.
"Y-you didn't..." Dilan trailed off, not wanting it to be true but sometimes you don't get what you want. She had all the proof she needed. Subtle drops of blood here and there that Dilan normally assumed was from Oluo biting his tongue. The distance he created between them so she wouldn't find out. Those nights three months ago where every now and then Levi would knock on her door in the middle of the night pale and shaky. She thought he was having nightmares, but it was obvious now. He must have tried to quit and got withdrawal.
The facts were piling up to a horrifying realisation.
Levi was cutting himself.
"I-" Levi tried but cut himself off. There was another moment of silence and Dilan just stared at his arm with wide eyes. Eventually Levi just took her hand off of his arm and tried to walk away again.
That snapped her out of it, and she grabbed onto his hand, pulling him to a stop.
"Levi please..." She begged, her voice cracking as she tried to hold back the tears. Levi wouldn't look at her.
More silence followed.
"It's none of your concern." He said in a cold voice before trying to walk away. Dilan's eyes widened in fury.
"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!" She yelled, storming after him.
She had never been so angry in her life.
"Who the fuck do you think you are!?" She spat. "Was all of it bullshit?! Everything you did to help me quit, to get better! Everything you fucking said! What happened to it's okay to feel pain but it's not okay to punish yourself!? What fucking happened Levi!? TELL ME!" She cried, an angry tear dripping down her face.
Levi clenched a fist at his side but kept on going.
"No. No, no, no! Do not walk away from me!" She hissed venomously, kicking him in the back of the knee and surprising him.
"Shit, Dilan-!" Levi snarled but Dilan ignored him, kicking him in the other knee before he could straighten up. His legs buckled and he fell to his knees, his face twisting in anger as he tried to get up, but Dilan wouldn't let him, punching him hard in the face and pushing him onto his back with the heel of her boot. "Dilan, stop!" Levi hissed, wiping some blood off of his lip.
Dilan ignored him, straddling him before he could get up and she punched him in the face again.
"You stop! Stop pushing me away, I can't take it!" She cried, lifting her bloodied fist to punch him again but Levi caught both her wrists before she could and stopped her.
There was a moment of silence, both of them breathing heavily and Levi opened his mouth to speak but something seemed to change his mind as his eyes stopped looking at hers and focused on something around her neck. His mouth closed and he seemed to go catatonic as the life faded from his eyes and he let go of her. Dilan bit back a sob, wiping her eyes.
"You're a good person, Levi. You don't have to cut yourself. We can get you through this, won't you just let me help you through this?" She begged. Levi dropped his head back, down to the dirt and closed his eyes. He breathed out shakily and shook his head. Dilan swallowed down her emotion, feeling like her heart just broke.
She got off of him and stood up, about to walk away when she stopped to say one more thing.
"If this is about your friends. They wouldn't want this." Dilan said quietly before moving to leave. She paused as she heard a low laugh and turned to see Levi getting up.
"Oh really?" He said in a sarcastic voice. Dilan looked at him in shock. "You want to know? You want to know? Really?" He smirked but Dilan could still see the pain in his eyes. He was hurting inside but this wasn't her friend right now.
She swallowed nervously.
"Yes." She replied. Levi scoffed, walking towards her. Dilan walked back subconsciously until her back hit a tree and Levi was caging her in.
"So, you want to know. You want to know how I knew your brother. You want to know how I knew him for 10 fucking years. You want to know how he followed me, how he trusted me. You want to know how I led him up here. You want to know how my mistakes killed him. I killed him Dilan. I killed your brother." Levi whispered next to her ear in a dark tone and Dilan struggled to stay standing as tears dripped down from her wide eyes. "I watched Farlan get ripped in half, I watched him die and I couldn't do anything about it. I'm the reason he left you alone. I'm the reason for all your pain." He said in a low voice and Dilan couldn't breathe.
Levi took a small step back to look at her with an emotionless face.
"He lied to both of us from the looks of things." Levi sighed. Dilan still couldn't breathe. "Maybe he was right not to trust me, I did kill him after all." Levi scoffed.
His eyes flicked down to Dilan's necklace that had come out from behind her shirt. Probably due to the fight.
"I saw him steal this for you, ya know?" Levi continued in a monotoned voice, taking the necklace in his hand.
Dilan felt like she was about to pass out.
"Lied to me. Told me it was for this random kid he met on the street." He laughed humourlessly, pulling the necklace from her neck and Dilan eyes looked up to his in a panic. Her panic only grew when she saw no signs of emotion in his eyes.
He had completely snapped, and it was terrifying her. She had no idea who this was in front of her or what he was capable of right now.
"He fucking lied... for 10 years..." Levi muttered to himself, looking down at the necklace in the palm of his hand.
Dilan swallowed dryly, trying to control her shaking. Her eyes widened as anger flashed through Levi's face and he lifted his hand to throw the necklace.
"Levi don't-!" She tried but it was too late. The necklace was gone into the darkness and Dilan had never felt more alone as she collapsed onto the floor, her legs not having the strength to hold her up anymore. She stared at the floor with wide eyes, shock setting into her bones.
"Tch. So now you know, Church. Hope your happy." Levi said coldly before walking off, back towards the house. Dilan covered her mouth to muffle the sobs, feeling like her whole world was crashing down on her.
Farlan's friend... the one with insomnia. It was Levi all along? Dilan hugged her knees to her chest in a poor attempt to control the shakes wracking her body as she cried into her knees. Was it really as Levi said?
Did he kill her brother?
LEVI'S P.O.V.
It was a good three hours before Levi snapped out of his daze. He was sitting on his bed, a bloodied knife on the floor by his feet. His sleeve was rolled up to his elbow and there were a number of deep cuts on his forearm.
Thick crimson streams were rolling down his arm and dripping off his elbow, a puddle was collecting on the floor. Levi had no idea how long he had been there or what happened.
Breathing out shakily, Levi stood up, having to steady himself as he wobbled a bit. His head was all fuzzy. What happened? What made him...
Levi's eyes widened as it all came back and he bolted to the bathroom, throwing up the minimal contents of his stomach in the toilet. He took a few deep shaky breaths and tried to calm down.
That didn't really happen right? It must be some sort of dream, right? Levi managed to stand himself up, placing a bloody handprint on the wall but his hopes were crushed as he caught his reflection. He looked like utter shit but that wasn't surprising. What was noticeable was the small purple bruise on his cheek from where Dilan had punched him.
"You stop! Stop pushing me away, I can't take it!" She cried.
Levi had to lean back on the wall for support, swallowing down the bile that threatened to come up again. It had all happened. Levi had said all those horrible things to her, did all those horrible things. He... threw the necklace her brother gave her, he left her there crying on the floor. He made her look at him with such fear.
Levi struggled to breath as he went through it all. What had he done? What the hell had he done?!
"Shit." Levi hissed, grabbing a role of bandages, he roughly scrubbed the blood off of his arm with some water, uncaring of the pain. Poorly wrapping the bandages around his arm, he pulled on a cleaner shirt and grabbed a cloak and an oil lamp.
Dashing down the stairs and sparing a glance to Dilan's room he was relieved to find the light on meaning she was in there but he couldn't talk to her yet. No, he wouldn't be able to face her until he got that necklace back.
5 hours. It took him 5 long, cold, dark hours to find the necklace.
Levi had thought about giving up so many times. Especially when he felt as though he was going to pass out from blood loss. Even more so when his oil lamp flickered out and he had nothing to rely on but the light of the moon. He had turned back at one point, having convinced himself it was a lost cause until he at least had some daylight but it was then that his brain threw him some memories of what happened.
"So, you want to know. You want to know how I knew your brother. You want to know how I knew him for 10 fucking years. You want to know how he followed me, how he trusted me. You want to know how I led him up here. You want to know how my mistakes killed him. I killed him Dilan. I killed your brother." Levi whispered next to her ear in a dark tone.
He had never felt so much self-hatred in his life. The look on her face. The pain, he had given it to her. All this time and he was still giving her pain. Levi couldn't bare it. He knew she would never forgive him for this, but he needed to find that necklace. He needed to right at least one of the long list of wrongs he had inflicted upon her during both of their lifetimes.
By some sort of miracle he caught a shimmer of shiver in the light of the moon and had to blink back actual tears of relief when he picked up the necklace. He felt like he was about to pass out.
Levi sighed as he got back into the house and dropped the very empty lamp on the table. He ignored his shirt sleeve that was covered in dark red and slowly dripping down his side and went to wash the dirt off the necklace. He looked at it in relief once it was clean.
It was fine. The clasp was broken from where Levi pulled it off her neck but that was fixable. The main thing was that she had it back.
Levi looked up at the stairs and swallowed hard.
This was the hard bit. He would take all the hate she was likely to give him though. He deserved it and more. Levi walked into his office and opened his desk draw, taking out the photo and the envelope.
He had been looking at them when Dilan came in, trying to figure out how and went to tell her. Guess the cat was very much out of the bag. That was not the way he planned it, but it was too late to change the past now. Even if he wished he could with all his heart.
When she got him on the ground and told her she couldn't take him pushing her away Levi almost spilled but decided against when he saw her necklace. He remembered the deal he made with Erwin and remained silent.
But then... Dilan mentioned them, and he snapped. Levi didn't even remember saying all those things. The memories of them happening was like he was watching himself do it. He wasn't in control. Hopefully if he explained it to Dilan and gave her everything, she would understand. Levi didn't see how it was possible. He had lost his friend for good, but he didn't deserve to despair about that now.
Reluctantly Levi walked up the staircase. The house was dark and quiet, the only light on the second floor being from under the door of Dilan's room. He stood outside and swallowed hard. Levi could feel his heart beating a million miles a minute, but he ignored it as he lifted his hand and softly knocked on the door. No response. Not that he was expecting one.
"Dil?" He asked quietly, managing to keep the nerves out of his voice.
No response.
For a moment Levi wondered whether she was asleep since it was well into the night by now, but a small sniff made him abandon that thought as his heart panged painfully.
"Brat, I'm so fucking sorry. I don't know what happened, I don't- shit." Levi muttered the last bit, realising there was literally no way he could justify what he did.
He treated her like trash, just like he used to almost 2 years ago now. Levi sighed and rest his head against the door for a moment. His eyes blurred with tears and he didn't stop them from dripping down his face. He took a breath before sitting down against the door frame.
He was still bleeding out, so it was likely he was going to end up passing out if he stayed standing.
"I have something for you. It should have been given to you a long time ago. And even then... I shouldn't have waited so long to give it to you." Levi added with a sigh. He placed the envelope and picture down, putting the necklace on the top. "You don't have to come out, I'll slide it under." Levi continued.
DILAN'S P.O.V.
Dilan was huddled up in bed, looking at the door with teary eyes.
She was still shaking, even though it had been hours. She had never wanted to cut more in her life but somehow, she had managed to resist so far.
She knew Levi would come eventually but it didn't prepare her when he did. He had scared her. He said and did such horrible things Dilan wasn't sure she could ever look him in the eye again. She certainly didn't want to let him in or talk to him right now, so she was glad Levi was being respectful of that.
When he left her alone in the forest, Dilan only managed to stumble back to the house an hour later. She had the worst panic attack of her life in that forest and she still wasn't quite over it.
It hurt even more because Levi was the one, she went to when she needed help. She never imagined in a million years that Levi could cause her to have a panic attack.
And what followed her panic attack? Yes. You guess it. An episode. She had been lying in her bed for the last 8 hours try and failing to find reasons not to end it. Her whole world had been shattered and her heart with it. Just how long had he known? How long had he been keeping it from her? Did he really kill Farlan? Was he really torn in half by titans?
Dilan couldn't take the questions. They were ripping her apart.
"It's a letter. A letter from him." Levi said and Dilan's heart jumped. "I got it off of Erwin 3 months ago now. I'm sorry I didn't give it to you sooner, I really have no excuses. There's a picture and your necklace too." Levi added, sliding the pile under the door.
Dilan was frozen looking at them. Was it really... from him? Dilan didn't know if her heart could take another lie.
"I promise it's real, Dil. It's addressed in Farlan's handwriting." Levi reassured, seeming to sense her troubles. A tear dripped down her face. It was still a shock to hear. To hear him say his name after all this time.
All this time and they were both mourning the same person.
"Hey Far?" A little, five-year-old Dilan asked, snuggling into her sleeping bag. Farlan opened his eyes and smiled.
"Yep?" He asked. Dilan bit her lip in confliction, wondering if he'd tell her.
"Can-can you tell me more about your friends?" Dilan asked. Her brother hesitated before smiling and nodding.
"I don't see why not." He replied and chuckled as Dilan grinned happily, rolling over to him in her sleeping bag like a second skin.
"Go!" She encouraged excitedly. Farlan laughed and ruffled her hair.
"Well... loud is very... loud." He started, chuckling as Dilan sent him a playful glare.
"Don't be stupid." She giggled and Farlan smiled.
"Loud is honest and brave but sometimes they can be a little naïve. They have a good spirit though, always cheering Grumpy up, not that they would admit it." Farlan explained. Dilan looked up at him.
"What's Grumpy like?" She asked, blinking innocently. Farlan smiled.
"Grumpy has trouble expressing themselves, but honestly little Dil... they're a bit like you."
A new set of tears sprung to Dilan's eyes and she had to try hard to push them back.
"The seals not opened. No one's read it yet. From my understanding, he wrote this encase he didn't come back. It just... never got to you." Levi replied in a solemn tone.
Dilan took a breath to calm down and stood from the bed on shaky legs, slowly walking over to the door and crouching down. Not much of her room was lit, just an oil lamp on her bedside table but she could see the objects clear enough.
The first one being her necklace and Dilan had to swallow down a sob of relief as she picked it up and held it to her heart, trying to blink back the tears.
She put it safely on her bedside table before turning back to the other pieces of paper. She picked them up and sat down against the door. Her stomach dropped in disbelief when she saw the drawing.
It... looked like her. Was this... was this her mother? All this time she had no idea what her parents looked like. Farlan would only ever tell her bits and pieces. It was clear he found it hard to talk about.
"Mother was beautiful, Dil. Truly beautiful." Farlan said with a smile as he set down her dinner. Dilan grinned up at him.
"Really?" She asked happily. Farlan chuckled and sat down at the table opposite her. "Yep. You know what?"
"What?" Dilan tilted her head slightly. Farlan smiled.
"She looked almost exactly like you."
A tear fell onto the paper, snapping Dilan out of it and she quickly wiped her eyes with a sleeve that was moist from all of her crying by now but still did the trick. She carefully set down the photo, reluctantly tearing her eyes away from it to look down at the letter.
Her breathing faltered when she read her name scribbled onto the centre. It was real. That was Farlan's handwriting.
Dilan took a few breaths to calm down before turning the letter open and grabbing a dagger, using it to open the envelope. With shaky hands, she took out the letter.
Dear Dilan...
LEVI'S P.O.V.
Levi waited outside that door for a long time. It had to have been hours as he saw the sun starting to rise through the window at the end of the hall.
His back hurt from sitting at the same position all this time and he was getting lightheaded from all the blood loss, but he couldn't bring himself to leave. He hadn't heard anything in a long time, and he was getting nervous. Dilan had taken the letter and Levi heard her sitting down against the door but that was it from there out. Not a sniff, not a sob, nothing. utter silence.
He wanted to say something, but he also felt like she needed her space right now. He had done enough to upset her already.
He couldn't say anything, and he couldn't leave. So, he stayed, hoping his friend would do something to give him some clue to her condition eventually.
Levi had been drifted for a while now. His eyes were closed but he wasn't yet asleep. He was in the place between. He wasn't exactly tired after all. The only thing that was making him close to falling asleep was the the fact that he was still bleeding out.
Suddenly the lock was pulled back in the door and Levi snapped his eyes open in time to see the door open and Dilan stepped out, looking down at him. Levi swallowed nervously, afraid to meet her gaze.
Here it comes.
Levi prepared himself for Dilan to scream at him, hit him, do anything which is why he was surprised when she simply extended her hand, which was holding the letter, offering it to him. Levi looked up at her in surprise, not being able to read her face. He looked back down at the letter and hesitated.
It wasn't meant for him. He didn't deserve to read it.
"Take it. You miss him too, don't you?" Dilan asked in a monotoned voice. Levi blinked, swallowing down the emotion that suddenly tightened in this throat.
Yes, he missed him. He missed his friend desperately.
Levi looked at the letter again and couldn't resist taking it. Dilan crossed her arms and leant back on the wall, silently waiting for him to read it. Levi took a breath, opening up the folds and straightening out the paper. It was one page, double sided, written in Farlan's horrifically bad handwriting.
Dear Dilan,
I know this is hard, I know you must hate me and I'm so sorry little fox, but I failed you. If your reading this, then something happened to me. I should hope that this letter never has to be delivered but you deserve an explanation, you deserve an apology and you deserve to hear it one more time just how much I love you.
Leaving you was the hardest decision of my life and I'm so sorry I left the way I did. It's clear you needed me, I could see it on your face, but I left you anyway and I will never be able to make that right. It's been a week since we were captured and the plan is going alright, I suppose. Although, if your reading this now, something clearly went wrong, huh? It seems I'll be going outside the walls soon. My first expedition as a survey corps soldier.
You proud of your big bro? I'm in the military. I wish you were here, some of the people are a bit judgmental. I've been good though, I promise. I haven't been in any fights so far. I've had to pull Loud away from a few soldiers though. They really needs to control their temper. I know what you would do if you were here though Dil. You would set them straight by pulling some crazy stunt, showing them all how awesome you are. It's a shame we're all not as insane as you, maybe they would have accepted us by now if we were.
Still, perhaps it's a good thing if the plan follows through. No need to get attached to people.
Can you see me sighing right now? It's hard to talk to you knowing if your reading this I'm no longer here. Keeping a death note light-hearted is harder than you'd think so I guess I should just say what I need to. You're an amazing person, Dilan. I know our life hasn't been easy... your life hasn't been easy and I'm so sorry about that but with you by my side I still enjoyed it. You're my everything, my home and I'm so sorry that I'm leaving you now.
I know life probably feels hard and you probably feel really alone but I promise you Dilan. I promise you're not alone. No matter what you will always have me, even when it doesn't feel like it.
And I know how scared you must be but you don't have to worry because here's what you're going to do now. You need to take the money under the floorboards and pack a bag. There's enough for you to get a surface citizenship or at least bribe the guards. I need you to make your way to the survey corps HQ and ask for someone. It'll be scary but I promise I will watch over you every step of the way. You're strong, I know you can do it.
When you get there ask for this person. His name is Levi, but you know him as grumpy. If things are well, Loud, or rather Isabel will be with him. I know you don't know these people personally, but they are my family and I know you will have a good life with them. Levi's rough around the edges but he's a good person and I trust him with you. I trust he'll look after you.
I think over time you could both grow to be great friends as like I have said before, you're both rather similar. I'm anticipating some fights though. You are both pretty headstrong. He'll be grumpy sometimes but know he means well, most of the time when Levi's angry he's just feeling things and is bad at expressing it. He might be angry for a while after I die. I know that you might be angry too and you have every right to be but I hope one day you will find it in your heart to forgive me and live a good life with my friends.
I'd like to say something to Levi too, so I hope you pass this letter onto him when the times right and he needs it.
Levi,
I'm sorry for dying, I know you told me not to. Seems I have a knack for defying orders. I hope you know I don't blame you. Even if I don't know what happens to me yet, I know it won't be your fault.
But I also know you will blame yourself, no matter what happens. So, I'm going to tell you this once and hope it gets through your thick skull (love insulting you when you can't glare at me, by the way). You are not to blame. You've been an amazing friend and I'm glad I met you. If not for your help, me and Dilan may have not survived this far.
I'm sorry for not telling you about her, I didn't mean to lie and it's not that I don't trust you but she's too important to me Levi. I want her safe, always, and that meant keeping her away from business. I hope you can forgive me. Please take care of my little sister. She'll drive you crazy sometimes, I'm sure, but I know you'll grow to love her.
So, to the both of you, this is my last goodbye. I love you both and I'm sorry things ended so soon but you both made my life great. That goes for Iz too as I know she will probably steal this letter and read it eventually. Look after each other and live a great life. I'll be waiting for you all on the other side.
Love, Farlan.
Levi stared at the paper in shock, feeling the tears side down his face.
Farlan did trust him? He... wanted Dilan to find him. He didn't blame him?
Levi still wasn't convinced it wasn't his own fault, even after hearing it from Farlan himself.
Levi bit the inside of his lip to muffle a sob, putting a hand over his eyes. The tears wouldn't stop. The pain wouldn't stop. He could still hear his best friend's voice, his brothers voice, after all these shitty years.
DILAN'S P.O.V.
Dilan watched Levi break down, feeling a strong pain in her heart. It had taken a while, going over Farlan's words over and over again but Dilan forgave him. In fact, now that she understood, there wasn't much to forgive.
It was obvious Levi had been torturing himself all this time. Agonising over whatever mistake he made that led to his friends' deaths, but the truth is, no one knows what's going to happen. Especially out of the walls. If Levi had done things differently, perhaps they all might be dead, or perhaps it would have ended up the same. There was really no way of telling and Farlan clearly knew the risks or he wouldn't have written this letter.
Dilan's only wish was that she had gotten it sooner. Maybe she could have found Levi, maybe she wouldn't have been so alone. Maybe he wouldn't have been alone either.
They would have had each other instead of the blinding guilt that eventually led them both to cutting. She couldn't change the past, but she could enjoy now. She had Levi now and that's all that mattered. Farlan got his wish eventually. The bastard was right too. Levi really was the best friend she could ever ask for.
Dilan crouched down next to him and took the letter from his loose grip, putting it to the side before gently resting a hand on his shoulder. Levi looked up at her with glossy grey eyes that still held a fair amount of guilt despite what her brother said.
Dilan smiled softly, blinking back tears of her own.
"You didn't kill him, Levi." Dilan comforted, wiping the tears off of his face. Levi's eyes widened a fraction.
"But you don't even know what-"
"I don't need to. It wasn't your fault. I know it hurts and I've been where you are but it's not your fault, Levi. I know my brother and it's obvious he loved you. You don't have to feel guilty. It will feel wrong at first, because you'll want someone to blame like I do but sometimes thing just happen. No one's to blame. Let the guilt go." Dilan explained gently, stroking a tear off his cheek.
"But-"
"But nothing. Let it go, it's what he wants." Dilan said sternly but kindly.
Levi hesitated but sighed shakily in defeat and nodded.
Dilan smiled in approval, pulling her tortured friend into a hug and letting him get it out. Dilan noticed the bright red bandage and the small pool of blood next to his side and bit her lip to stall the tears. He would be fine now. She'll look after him. Dilan looked up and smiled, closing her eyes and thanking her brother for watching over them both, for bringing them together. I'll look after grumpy, brother. Don't worry.
A/N: Ayyyyyy! We fucking made it! Damn! This was a long time coming. 43 chapters and those stubborn idiots finally got it out! Wow. I feel like that has lifted a weight off of my chest as much as it lifted a weight of off Levi's. I may be too invested in this story lol.
Anyway, big thank you to everyone who has been with me up until the big reveal. These few months have been hard for me and writing this story and knowing there were people out there reading (and hopefully enjoying) really has been getting me through.
You guys are seriously the best and I love you all! :)
Stay tuned though. This is not over. Now... we start getting to the good part. Don't expect it soon but know it's a lot closer than it was before.
Thanks again for reading! Hope I didn't disappoint!
Stay safe! X