Xian Xue's Secret
"I carried the Blood Red Lotus in my heart for an eternity. Like you, I learned to use its powers. But I also learned to communicate with… her. She was a gentle Flower Spirit, and she patiently showed me my naivety. I had not just one wish, but many. I wanted peace, I wanted to save all the tribe members, I wanted to save Yan Zhu from the effects of the Hidden Lotus, I wanted She Mi to survive the war unhurt, I wanted to prevent the upcoming war between fire and ice, and make Yuan Ji disappear. The Blood Red Lotus told me that an equal price for the change of the whole past was the future of the Ice World. All that I wished for would not last. One day, fate would part me and my loved ones forever. This sounded just crazy to me. I thought for a long time that I could somehow reduce my wish, but I couldn't chose between my wishes. I came to understand that I wasn't prepared to make sacrifices at all." Xian Xue pressed his lips together, but nevertheless looked straight into Ying Kong Shi's eyes. "It took very long until I found out that the Blood Red Lotus had eventually offered me a solution to my problem. I understood that my wish would be worth nothing, if none of us could have a future. So I asked her if the past would be a compensatory price for a better future, and the Blood Red Lotus agreed. I still remember the way she smiled, and I knew I was on the right track.
However, the Spirit of the Blood Red Lotus made it clear to me that I would have to give up everything: my identity, my life, my loved ones, and the world as I knew it. She said I would have to watch the Ice Fantasy World's downfall, and the second rise of Yuan Ji. But the worst was that I would have to define a moment in time, when the past would end, and the future would begin, like a cut between the price to be paid and the wish to be fulfilled. The Lotus Spirit made me watch the whole timeline, and the outcome of the future. It went on like this for years. From time to time I went on excursions and my soul explored the developments on the Ice World. Slowly, I started to negotiate my wishes with the Blood Red Lotus for each and every one of you, based on the knowledge that I gained through years of observation.
The more time went by, the more I realized that I couldn't possibly be part of that future once you were born, Ying Kong Shi. Two reincarnations of the same soul at the same time would slowly but definitely damage the structure of the reality of this dimension. I accepted that you were so much more important than me, to the past as well as to the future. And yet I had to guide you into your fresh start. I always hoped that you could see me as a mentor, and not as your ancestor playing god. But you are not easy to handle, stubborn as you are. Please, accept my apology that I treated you the way I did. I assure you, it will all end soon. The Blood Red Lotus has set my end as the last sacrifice for this better world, and then my task is done."
With these words the Bird Spirit dropped back into the sand. He put his hands under the back of his head and his whole posture relaxed. It almost seemed like he had only come here to enjoy the view. Instead, he had revealed to Ying Kong Shi how comprehensively he was responsible for everything in this fresh start, good as well as bad. The Ice Prince stared at his ancestor and found no words. His terrible childhood, his life, his losses, his loneliness... Xian Xue had let it all happen in order to trade it for a better future. Ying Kong Shi blinked. He wasn't sure what he should feel now. Gratitude? Hate? Ying Kong Shi turned his head and stared at the rolling waves. He took a deep breath and sorted his thoughts. "Xian Xue, you say the basis of your deal with the Blood Red Lotus was your observation?" "Mmmh." Xian Xue nodded with half-closed eyes. "How can that be? Haven't you been watching me sufficiently? You took Ka Suo away from me even though you knew I loved him more than myself. He was all I ever needed long before I met Yan Da. When she came into play, it tore me apart, having to bury my love for her somewhere deep down in my heart to be able to keep my promise to my brother. Why this conflict? Why couldn't I have them both? I really love her in this new world, more and deeper than I have ever loved her before. It makes me look ungrateful for asking this question. But why didn't you find another way? I know She Mi was dear to you, too. Please, why did you take Ka Suo away from me?"
Xian Xue straightened up and stared at Ying Kong Shi with his bright turquoise eyes. "But I haven't." Ying Kong Shi stared at Xian Xue. "What do you mean by that? Sixty years ago I left him on earth, and he has probably already lived his last life. He is dead and will not be reborn." Xian Xue smiled, and tiny lines formed around his eyes that Ying Kong Shi had never noticed before. "What you just told me was your bargain with the Red Lotus, not mine. Do you really believe that I would leave our brother behind, Ying Kong Shi?" The Bird Spirit's gaze turned inward. "At this very moment, Ka Suo is a grandfather on earth. He is sitting in a rocking chair next to Li Luo. She Mi also loved rocking chairs. His many grandchildren are playing on the lawn in front of them. One of them looks a bit like you. They laugh because the youngest girl pulls his son's hair hard. She wants to be on her brother's arm."
"Xian Xue, is it true? Can you let me see him?" Ying Kong Shi grabbed his ancestor's arms, and Xian Xue came back with a blink of his eyes. "Ying Kong Shi, I can't let you see him. Journeying through the dimensions is something only the living Blood Red Lotus can make me do. But look at you. Even if you are ancient according to the laws of time, you are basically still the little abandoned boy in your heart, whose only light was his brother. You have lived through the most terrible things and faced too much responsibility at a very young age. You never had the chance to live a happy life where love is not a luxury that you cannot afford. But love, as created by our first reincarnations, is limitless and always finds a way. You will see your brother again, and the binary stars will eventually reunite. But for that you have to accept that you cannot decide for others when it comes to their idea of a perfect luck. Let Ka Suo have his luck with Li Luo, and find your own happiness with Yan Da. Believe, that you don't have to choose between the two anymore. Love will no longer be a luxury in your new life. You will be able to afford it. The deal I made for us is only just beginning." Ying Kong Shi stared at Xian Xue.
"That's your secret…. you really do believe in… love. That's why you refused to set limits to your wish, right? You couldn't have sacrificed anyone for someone else. But… you did all of this without anyone ever knowing about it." Xian Xue smiled. "And that's a good thing. I don't need a reward. And not everyone would understand me as you do. Many would criticize me… but someone had to make the decisions." Ying Kong Shi nodded. He looked over at Yan Da, who was still standing by the Mermaid Saint. "She understood all of this a long time ago. Only for me did she act equally extreme as I did for Ka Suo." "Yes, she did. But she hated extreme actions, being forced to kill, to lie and to deceive. It is the effect of the wish to the Hidden Lotus. I think the Lotus had broken Yan Zhu's soul, and only the missing part became the Yan Da we both know. Her soul… it will heal. Yan Zhu cannot exactly be replaced, but the soul of the younger Yan Da will fill the gap, over time. And, additionally, during the sixty years in the time stream I helped her to overcome the past."
Ying Kong Shi frowned, and looked at his older self. "You love her, do you?" Xian Xue's eyes searched for Yan Da. As if she had felt his gaze, she turned around, and smiled at the Bird Spirit. Slowly, he nodded. "How could I not? I spent with her spirit sixty years in the time stream. I was her friend, and I accompanied her until her soul healed from all the traumatic experiences from the past. She was so friendly, so easy to share time with. She reminded me of my childhood with Yan Zhu. On top of that, she had all of Yan Zhu's memories. With my help, she learned to accept Yan Zhu as a part of herself. Their souls shared one body for two thousand years on earth. I think, at some point the boundaries between their memories and their feelings blurred for both of them. The reason why Yan Da hesitated to come back to you was also because she didn't want to leave me behind.
I know you don't want to hear this, Ying Kong Shi, but Yan Da loves me, too. It is a side effect of our reincarnations. Yan Da and I understood and agreed that my love is just a reflection of your love for her, as her love for me is just a reflection of Yan Zhu's love for me. I am not ashamed to tell you the truth, even if you hate me for it. But I was always honest with her and saw no point in lying to her. What I gain is, that after you have married her, I can finally be at ease. I can die in the knowledge, that in a way, you will love her on my behalf. Finally, the creators of love will be reunited, and the sorrow will end."
Ying Kong Shi slowly leaned back on the sand next to Xian Xue. The evening sky had turned red and orange. The setting sun drew Long Wang's huge shadow sharply in the sand. Their friends had started making music. More had joined the party. A colorful mixture of all peoples celebrated the end of the war for the first time. Happy laughter and the smell of fire, herbs, flowers and alcohol filled the air. "I can't hate you for loving Yan Da. You took good care of her because of your feelings. How much time do you have?" "Not much. One day, maybe two." Ying Kong Shi nodded. "In this case, I ask you to spend this time with Yan Da." "You would allow that?" "Yes, but I want something for it." "Please, what is it?" "Tell me, what was the moment you set as the dividing point between the past and the future?" Xian Xue sighed. "Do you realize that you shouldn't know that much about all of that? But for this price ... so be it. It was Yan Da's second death." Ying Kong Shi looked at Xian Xue, confused. "Why?" "Can't you guess it? It was the moment when you finally brought yourself to confess your love to her. Your words were the first sentence of the new beginning."