I'LL FIND HER

Garrus couldn't remember another time in his life where time moved so slow, and the possibility of knowing that they'd finally found Alex after months of searching wasn't helping his patience. Be that as it may, Garrus had a single driving thought to get him through the long, grueling months: I'll find her.

He was in the med bay when the Crucible's pulse hit the Normandy. The ship went haywire in mid-transit through the mass relay and crash-landed on a blessedly habitable and tropical planet. They could have made it through the relay completely had Joker not hesitated when he received Admiral Hackett's order to evacuate. Joker didn't want to leave Shepard behind. He was convinced there was a way to save her, unlike Eden Prime. Though as desperate as he and everyone else was to save her, Joker knew it was futile when he saw the mass of energy accumulating and breaking apart the Citadel. It was time to go.

Repairs on the Normandy began almost immediately. Liara hung around Garrus often. Maybe in efforts to console him or distract him from the all-consuming calibrations. He didn't know. Though, Garrus always felt there was something she was holding back from him. Dr. Chakwas popped her head in a few times, too, but she was mainly preoccupied with Joker's injuries following the crash.

There was only one place Garrus could get away from everyone, and it was possibly the worst room on the ship. The captain's quarter was nostalgic yet torturous. Alex's scent was ingrained in everything in the room. Every fiber of fabric. Every particle of recycled air. He'd still find strands of her hair hidden in nooks and crannies within the room. It was all a cold reminder that she was no longer here.

Even with her Shadow Broker resources, Liara was unsuccessful in finding any leads on Alex. She checked all the news media outlets, hospital records, death certificates, and went as far as to hack Alliance confidential records, but there was no iota of information on Alexandria Shepard. Was she alive or dead? The Alliance marked her in the system as killed in action, but there was no proof.

How could they make the determination so quickly? So willing to write her off?

Her body was never found, though Anderson's was found relatively quickly. Alex had undoubtedly made it to the Citadel. Her fingerprints were on the console. So, where the hell was her body? She had to be alive. She was – is – Commander fucking Shepard. Garrus knew it.

His hunch was affirmed when an unknown sender's encrypted message came in with coordinates and two words: She's here.

The coordinates led them to a small uncharted island, not labeled on any known maps and nowhere for Normandy to land. Instead, Cortez transported Garrus, Nihlus, and Liara on the Kodiak to a small facility where a very familiar face was waiting for them outside.

"Miranda!" Liara exclaimed, "It was you?"

"I'm glad you got my message. I wasn't sure it would get to you."

"She...she's really here? Is she okay?" Garrus asked gruffly and hurriedly, making his way to the front.

Miranda smiled and said, "Come on. Follow me."

The three were swift to take her lead, Garrus treading on Miranda's heels closely with mounting trepidation. They approached a plain, square, and weathered building, obscured by the land's lush greenery. Moss and algae grew on the exterior wall in plentiful patches, and vines with indigenous flora crept up and around in every direction. He would've missed the entrance had Miranda not let them directly to it.

Entering the building, Garrus could've sworn they'd be transported to a different place. Inside, it was bright and polished with clean lines and marbled floors — a subtle sophistication totally unexpected in the middle of a tropical jungle.

"What is this place?" Liara asked, eyes darting around and scanning the room in awe.

"The fact that you don't know, Dr. T'Soni, means I've done well keeping it unknown to your information brokers."

Liara smirked. "So, this is your private facility?"

Miranda nodded. "It's where I conduct my most confidential research and development."

She led them through the lobby and the mostly empty corridors. The few scientists and engineers that trekked the halls practically threw themselves flat against the wall to make way for them – or rather, to make way for Miranda. It was a frightening talent she possessed to be able to intimidate someone with just her presence.

"Shepard will probably still be sleeping," Miranda informed. "The medications make her fairly drowsy."

Liara picked up her pace and asked, "Medications? What kind of medications?"

Miranda peeked over her shoulder with narrowed eyes. "Don't worry. We made the proper adjustments to make sure the medications are safe."

Liara released a breath, and her shoulders lowered in relief. She ignored Garrus' inquisitive gaze.

"How did Shepard even get here?" Nihlus asked. "Last we heard on the comms, she was on the Citadel when the Catalyst fired, and the Citadel was quite damaged. We couldn't locate her among the debris."

"I won't go into all the dirty details. If you want those, I'll send the report." They turned the corner and went through a set of double doors into what appeared to be a medical wing. Garrus was getting closer to Alex. He could feel it. He wished they would walk faster.

"The short version is I had Cortez install an upgrade to her suit that would send a continuous feed of her vitals to my lab. When we received notice that she was in a life-threatening situation, we deployed an extraction team immediately. It was a little touch-and-go for a while, but we managed to get her here safely."

"You never cease to amaze, Lawson."

"I can't take all the credit. The work Legion and the geth did during her reconstruction helped immensely. It fortified parts of her body that otherwise would've been crushed. Still, she wasn't without damage. To think that she-" Miranda stopped abruptly in the middle of the hallway. Garrus watched curiously as she rearranged her thoughts, facing away from them. "Shepard has put a lot at risk to save the galaxy."

There was a silent concurrence within the group, but there was something that he couldn't get past.

"Hold on. She's been here the whole time?"

Miranda sighed and spun around, looking at him, sad and stern. She managed a strained "Yes."

"Then why weren't we told sooner?" Garrus rushed up to her, simmering anger powering his feet. She didn't flinch. "How is that she's been here for months, and we've only just been told now?"

He fully expected her to snap at him for his tone, but he was surprised by her sympathetic expression. Or was it pity?

"Because she didn't want to you know," Miranda revealed. "In fact, she doesn't know you're here."

"What?"

Garrus was in shock. He searched for a sliver of deception in Miranda's eyes, only to find there wasn't any, and was further disappointed by the statement. Why wouldn't Alex want him to find her? They were in this until the end, weren't they? They're bond mates. Surely, there had to be a good reason.

"That doesn't make sense," Nihlus argued. "Why wouldn't she want us to find her?"

"That is something you'll have to ask the Commander yourself."

Garrus started to protest, but Miranda raised her hand and silenced him. "The explanation will do you no good coming from me." Miranda's eyes flitted over at Liara. "But you already know, don't you, Liara?"

Garrus craned his neck at the asari, who didn't return the look. Guilt flashed over her face, and she admitted, "I do."

His brow plates lowered. Liara's behavior had been bizarre, and this confirmed she was hiding something from him.

"Then if he doesn't know by now, it's not going to hurt him any more to wait a bit longer."

"Tell me!" he growled.

Miranda exhaled heavily and rubbed her forehead. "Trust me, I want to, but…it's not my place to say. Don't get Shepard wrong. She's had a difficult time living with the choice she's made. She sustained many severe injuries, and her recovery has been rough. She hasn't been able to walk yet. I could tell she wanted and needed you here, but I couldn't convince her otherwise. You all, more than anyone, are aware of her history. Her mental health took a heavy toll. The night terrors returned, and I had to talk her off the ledge several times. Anyway…all that to say, please be gentle with her. She's been through a lot."

An involuntary sound of hurt came from the back of Garrus' throat, and his chest was aching knowing the amount of pain Alex endured on her own. There was also resentment that she didn't want him here, a reason that Liara and Miranda have been aware of and refused to tell him about. There was a long stretched thin silence.

"And this whole time...you knew?" Garrus wasn't facing her, but Liara knew the question was intended for her.

"Yes."

"And you?"

"No. This is as new to me as it is to you," Nihlus answered.

Garrus half-turned, returning to Liara. His eyes were small and dark. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Liara shifted uncomfortably. "Like Miranda said, it wasn't for me to tell."

Hot air blew out of Garrus' flared nostrils, and snarls were rolling out of his throat. His temperature was rising. He didn't like being treated as a fool and his question being blatantly dismissed. "Just tell me, damn it! I'm done playing games. Where the hell is Alex?! I need to see—"

A force collided with Garrus' back and wrapped itself around him. His eyes cast down at the bandage-wrapped arms constricting his waist with an unbreakable force. Porcelain and freckle-speckled complexion peeked through.

"Settle down, big guy. I'm right here."

Garrus could've collapsed. His heart stopped. He almost couldn't bring himself to move. But he had to see it for himself. Garrus spun around and pulled the body in tight.

"Alex..." he said softly, her scent wafting into his nose and returning a flood of memories. His heart was swelling and on the verge of bursting. Garrus' body curled into her more as she trembled.

"Shepard, you're up," Miranda commented with astonishment.

"Barely," Alex muffled into Garrus' chest.

Alex's legs were wobbling underneath her, and much of her weight was leaning into Garrus for support. Miranda shook her head.

"You're not ready to stand yet, much less walk. Honestly, you're reckless. Vakarian, take her back to her bed, please."

Garrus scooped Alex up into his arms, and as he carried her back to her room, he couldn't tear his eyes away from her. He was letting the image of her bright cherry-colored eyes watching up at him soak into his mind, never wanting to lose the feeling of exploding warmth in the pit of his stomach. The only times he could come close to this emotion was in his dreams. Most of the time, he dreamt of nothing at all, but occasionally, he was blessed by the Spirits to see Alex while he slept. It was the only way in the lonely months he could feel close to her.

Alex appeared as she did in his dreams, although slightly gaunt and lighter now. Her hair had obtained some length, too. Garrus took the utmost care placing her down on the hospital bed. She took in a sharp inhale of breath, apparently still in pain due to her injuries.

"I see you're still a hothead," she chuckled.

"I guess some things never changed." He studied the wraps around her legs before draping the bright white linens over her body and tucking her in. Garrus fluffed her pillows and propped them behind her so she could sit up.

She spotted Liara and Nihlus in the room and waved them over. They greeted each other with a tight embrace and stepped back to let Garrus sit at her bedside. He scooted in as close as possible and held her hand in his. Alex smiled at this and caressed the back of his hand with her thumb.

"Where's everyone else?" she asked.

"Back on the ship. There wasn't enough room to land the Normandy, so we took the shuttle."

Her smile thinned out, and she paused momentarily. "And EDI?" Her head ducked, seemingly already knowing the answer.

"Gone," Liara responded. "Along with all the Geth. The Crucible destroyed them."

After the Crucible fired and released its power in a completely uncontrollable way, it blew up the mass relay network, disrupting non-intelligent technology and destroying all synthetic life across the galaxy.

No one could really say what Joker and EDI's relationship was, but it certainly had an effect on him. Joker was almost as sullen and heartbroken as Garrus. He never talked about EDI. His face would go dark whenever anyone brought her up. There was a shared comfort between two "widows." Each of them threw themselves into their work to occupy their minds, working around the clock to get the ship up and running again.

Having experts on the ship like Tali and Traynor were indeed helpful, but fixing the Normandy proved laborious and interminable without EDI. The six or seven months it took to fix the ship and travel could've easily been a couple days with the assistance of an AI. The crew worked with limited technology, and everyone's translators had even stopped working for a while in the beginning. Those were an interesting couple of days...

"I see…" Alex's head drooped further, face hidden behind the curtain of raven locks. After a moment of reminiscing, she lifted her head, keeping her eyes down. "Not that I'm not happy to see you guys here, but how'd you know I was here?"

"I invited them here." Alex's eyes shot up, and her eyebrows pulled together. "It was time, Shepard." She nodded sullenly.

The earlier sting of being unwanted returned to Garrus. "Why didn't you want us to find you?"

She took back her hand and gave him a shaky, nervous smile. "I didn't want anyone to see me like this…stuck in a bed and no way to move on my own. I needed time to myself until I was ready."

"No one would think any less of you, Shepard," Nihlus interjected. "Not after what you did. Take all the time you need to heal completely. There's no need for you to bounce back right away."

"I know." Her smile fell, now wringing her hands. "But…that's not all." Alex's eyes skipped over Garrus and landed on Liara, who gave her a supportive nod.

"What is it?" Garrus implored.

"There's someone you need to meet."

He couldn't ignore the obvious exchange of apprehensive glances between Liara and Miranda. Was this person what they were keeping a secret? The reason Alex didn't want to see them? See him?

"Who is it?"

"Miranda, could you go get him?" Alex requested and adjusted herself, though, not without visible pain.

"Of course."

Garrus' heart was racing, anxious to hear the secret. "Shepard…I don't understand what's going on."

"I'm sorry, Garrus. I should've told you before we went down to the beam… I didn't know to tell you. I hope you can forgive me."

Garrus' mind went to a myriad of places. Another lover? Someone she had gotten involved with while they were still together? But someone he hadn't met. How? They were always on the ship together. Although, he supposed it wasn't entirely impossible. Each of them spent a lot of time separately working in meetings and writing reports. Maybe he had neglected Alex and their relationship. They were far from the perfect couple, but to think he had driven her into someone else's arms… Had he failed them?

"Alex, if there's someone else…that you rather be with—"

"Don't be stupid!" she interrupted, smacking him on the chest with the back of her hand. "There's no one else. I made quite the commitment to be a one turian kind of woman." She pointed at the obvious and raised scar on her neck.

Relief. Only slight relief. The whirlwind in his mind remained tumultuous.

"Tell me, Alex. I'm losing my mind here."

"Here we are," Miranda announced, entering the room with a roll of blankets cradled in her arm.

"Spirits…" Nihlus gaped, eyes ping-ponging between Garrus and the blankets.

Garrus stood and let Miranda through to hand off the bundle to Alex. He managed to snag a glimpse, and he was in utter disbelief.

It was a baby turian. Yet not quite pure turian.

He leaned in closer over Alex's shoulder to get a better look. The baby had less plating and more flesh than the average turian infant; its eyes were cobalt blue – much like his – but the irises were encompassed by white instead of black, and it had five talons, not three. He met Alex's eyes. Radiant yet apologetic.

"This is…?"

"Garrus, meet Avel. Our son."

Garrus could've sworn his soul left his body. He was light-headed and dizzy. He plopped back down onto his chair, letting his words come out in barely a whisper.

"H-How?"

"The geth," Miranda answered. "When they mutated her DNA and reinforced her core and abdominal area, it made it possible for her to conceive and carry a turian-human offspring. Chakwas and I had our suspicions after you reported her illness. They were symptoms of pregnancy."

It was amazing Garrus could process anything at all at this point. His heart was pounding at a fleeting speed. His breaths were ragged and irregular. He clenched and unclenched his jaw. His stomach had twisted into knots. When the baby cooed, Garrus' eyes were drawn back to the present. He observed as Alex soothed Avel, fussy from being awakened from his nap. Garrus couldn't deny how beautiful and motherly Alex looked. Stroking the child's head to comfort him. The sweet sing-song of her voice as she spoke to him. It was everything he'd ever envisioned for them, but seemingly impossible before. And there was a detail Garrus couldn't get over.

"So you knew before going down to Earth?"

"I…I didn't know for sure but yeah. I knew it was a possibility."

"How long did you know?"

She released an uncomfortable breath. "The day after the party."

Volcanic heat rushed through Garrus' veins, and a low growl vibrated his throat. "And you didn't think this wasn't something I should I know?"

Alex frowned. "It wasn't that simple. I didn't'—"

Garrus stood up forcibly, sending his chair crashing to the ground. He stood there angrily for a couple intense seconds but then turned away and stormed out of the room.

"Garrus!" Liara called after him.

"It's fine. Let him go. It's the least of what I deserve."