Whenever I get close, she pushes me away. Whenever I stay away, she asks me to come closer. Whenever she's around me, I can feel her tense up. Feels like every choice I make leads to me stepping on a landmine.
Gawds, why did she turn out so much like me?
It's been a few hours since the sparring lesson. I spoke, more yelled at the old coot in charge of the Army's money. Subaki had to hold me back a few times, but I got what I wanted. My men were going to get paid on time, and I wasn't going to be stuck on ice longer than I had to be.
A pretty good thing, considering. Now that the fight's over, it means that all the Ylisseans are leaving Roseanne soon. Which means that I'm gonna be relieved of duty… and lose my commission. My only stream of income right now.
Y'know, after being broke when we first came back here? Don't wanna go through that again.
But right now, I'm just cooling myself off on the castle ramparts. Still haven't gotten my Falcon Knight armor back from the blacksmith, so I've got plenty of time to think about what's next. If we're going to stay and help my mother, or head back to Ylisse with my sister.
My brain and my heart tell me I should head home. We've done what we came here for. Roseanne is safe, the Valentians scurried off to deal with Chon'sin. Aunt Sumia's got the troops and the Commanders to handle this without our help. I'm not needed anymore, and I've already given more than I would've liked for this cause.
When Virion and Cherche wake up, they owe me. Big.
Still… can't shake this feeling that something's wrong. The Valentians aren't beaten, not even close. We still don't totally understand this Risen situation. And that Manakete… how did it burrow into the ground like that? It was moving faster underground than it was flying through the sky. More importantly, what the hell was it doing here and was it going to stop?
The deal my husband and I made was that we'd leave when Morgan leaves. And now here I am, backtracking and thinking about staying behind anyway.
Why can't I just make up my mind? Who cares what's over here, I've already done my good deed for this place! I'm not from Roseanne, I'm not even from Valm, and I've stuck my neck out for this place's future more than most of the people who live here have.
No, no. We're leaving. We're leaving and that's final, I've bled enough for Valm.
"There you are." I hear mother call as she comes my way. She's alone, not with Caeldori like I hoped. Which means Subaki's probably with her, and that I'll have room to find out what the hell she was trying to do during that spar.
Mother settles next to me, taking in the view of the whole city from the ramparts. I spin myself around, leaning my back against the stone and resting my elbows on top.
"It was a nice salon. We should think about bringing Morgan and Caeldori next time." She suggests, which makes me look at my still good hand and smirk. Bright red nail polish, pretty basic but it looks great on me. Then again, everything looks great on me.
"What, so Morgan can get me thrown in jail again?" I ask her.
"You were the one who decided to tussle with the constables, dear." Mother reminds me. "Though they did seem to regret it."
I huff, pulling my hand back. "Of course they did. They tried to fight me."
I laugh at my own machismo, glancing around to make sure we're totally alone. There isn't another soul anywhere around us, except the birds that are perched up on the roof.
Good a time as any. This has been a long time coming, after all.
"I know I didn't say this before I left, but thanks." I begin.
"For?" She queries.
"Taking me in. Letting me be your daughter." I elaborate, staring up at the blue sky. Off in the distance, I can hear some pegasus flapping their wings. "You didn't have to, I was basically a grown up when we met."
She nods along, pensive as she thinks about something or other. "You certainly didn't make it easy. But once I knew who you were, there was no chance I would have ignored you."
"Even though I tried to push you away all the time." I recall shamefully.
"You were hurt, Severa. And you didn't want the wound to widen." Mother says, understanding as always. I can see her turn my way, smiling in that wistful way she's done ever since Father passed on. "There's not a day that goes past that I do not thank Naga that she brought us together."
I can't help but laugh. She's right, Naga's the reason I was able to escape the future. Naga's the reason I was able to find my parents again. Naga kept me safe, despite who I was and the brand I have. She protected my sister when I couldn't. She did… all of that, when she had so much more to focus on.
Dragons… they'll never stop giving me headaches. But I should be glad I've got a good Goddess looking over me.
"Know this." Mother tells me, her voice so sure in what she says I have no choice to believe her. "My loving you was never up for debate. Just how your love for your daughter isn't."
I wince, cursing the fact that she's able to get at what I'm really trying to say faster than I can. Her and Dad were always able to read me like a book. It made me feel helpless going against them. But it also made it easier for them to help me, even when I made it way more difficult than it needed to be.
"How do I connect to her?" I ask. "Feels like no matter what I do, she only resents me more."
"I wouldn't call how Caeldori feels resentment." Mother clarifies. "Not primarily, anyway."
"Then what is it? Because as far as I can tell, she hates my guts." I admit, deflating in my regret as I realize just how badly I've failed. History repeated itself, and now I'm in the same position Mother was all those years ago.
"Frustration. She wants to prove herself. She doesn't want to be a burden on anyone, and hates being second best." She explains in detail, before giving me a smirk that's way too amused with this situation. "Remind you of someone?"
I groan, burning my head in my hands as she laughs at my display. A little payback for the grief I've heaped on her over the years. Which, y'know, I totally deserve it. But that doesn't mean I'm gonna like it!
Eventually, I stand up and dust the specks of rock off of my elbows. "She's gonna surpass me. Soon, too. I just hope she's ready for the responsibility."
"She is." Mother assures me, before standing as well. She then turns to face me, a mischievous smile coming across her face. "Meet me in the fields south of the city tomorrow at dawn. Bring Camus and wear your armor. And come alone."
My head tilts reflexively, very quickly confused by such a strange request. "Uh… sure but- why?"
Mother chuckles, helping dust off what's left on my arms. She's got that look in her eye, the one when she's excited beyond belief and planning something way too devious for her own good.
"Time to earn your wings, pumpkin."
When Camus and I reach in the fields the next morning, it's not just Mother who's waiting for me.
Sneaking out under everyone's nose was a lot easier than I expected. Subaki sleeps like a log, especially the night after some fooling around. Caeldori wasn't in the stables, and Morgan didn't show up with some hairbrained scheme of hers to turn cows into ballistic missiles again.
Don't ask about that either. It's another long, stupid story. Something you've probably noticed is a trend by now.
The Blacksmith didn't seem to care that I showed up so early, he handed over my armor without any fuss. Looks good as new… better than new, actually. I can see a few places where he added padded cloth under the steel, probably to help cushion a fall or something blunt hitting me. Gave my sword a nice sharpening too, this old birthday gift that I got from Mom and Dad on my Nineteenth birthday.
After that, I put on all my gear, then grab Camus. He wasn't happy about being woken up out of the blue, and he really wasn't happy when I couldn't tell him why we were going on a morning trip, but after bribing him with a dozen carrots and reminding him about the glue factory, he stopped complaining and did as I said.
Which brings us to the field. Where Mom's standing with three other Pegasus Knights.
Camus slides a bit when we touch down, the dew on the grass making everything slick. Seeing as everyone else was dismounted, I did the same, then jog up in front of my mother.
"I'm here!" I announce, glancing over the peanut gallery to see if there's anyone here I can easily recognize. "Um… why am I here again?"
Camus trots up behind me, looking at the other pegasus. Well, judging is more like it. Like he's trying to rate them up against himself. And judging things myself, they all look kind of menacing. Camus has a saddle, meanwhile they're decked out in full military charms. And I'm pretty sure four of them are full-blown falicorns. Fully matured pegasus with a horn coming out of their forehead.
"I told you yesterday." Mother says to me, walking up so she's between us and the other fliers. "You're going to earn your wings."
"You didn't bother explaining what you meant by that." I remind her, getting more and more frustrated with how cryptic she's being. Doesn't help that one of the prissier looking knights is glaring at me, hand wrapped around her spear like she's ready to slice it through a three.
Mother nods, before waving for us to come closer. "Remember five years ago, when Sumia and I were teaching you how to fly?"
"Still have nightmares about the barn incident, yeah." I affirm to her, shuddering as the memory hits me again. Spent all of that night picking out bits of hay and feathers from my hair, looking like some sort of demonic chicken.
Mother chuckles at my traumatic flashback. "Well, before you left on your 'trip', the plan was to finish your examination. Clearly, however, that is not the case."
"She shouldn't even be wearing that." The stern looking woman says, staring at me with malicious impunity. Her hair's snow white, whiter than mine used to be, and her figure's as regal as it can get. The very air around her bleeds regality. So does her armor, similar to mine except her cloth garb is dyed a bright sunny orange.
"Natalia, please." Mother intercedes, but another one of them speaks up instead.
"She's right, ma'am." The other falcon knight says. If the first woman was regal, this one is slumming it to the core. Jet black hair with a tattered blue cape and a glare that even lets me know she means business. She's buff, too. Taller than everyone else here. "We busted our humps to get our titles. How're we gonna explain to the other Seniors why a mercenary's in our uniform?"
Just as I'm about to go break my foot off in both of their asses, mother holds a hand out to block my path. The regal one tenses up, ready to run me through if I come an inch closer.
"Give me one reason I shouldn't whup their arses." I ask her quietly.
"Because they're right." Mother responds in the same volume, shifting to once again keep herself between me and her troops. Her whole demeanor changes, in a moment she's gone from my Mother to Captain of the Knights. And I suddenly feel like I'm in very big trouble.
"The armor of a Falcon Knight is one of the most sacred things in our Order, you know this." She explains to me matter-of-factly, making me feel smaller and smaller as all the eyes present bore into my soul. "These women each had to serve for years before they even had the chance to pass the trials. Put yourself in their shoes, how would you react?"
I can't respond. I know how I'd react; I'd be livid. If someone came out of nowhere and invalidated one of my accomplishments, I'd probably try and knock'em onto the next continent.
So I get over myself, calming down and burying my ego deep. The others seem to do the same, relaxing now that I don't seem belligerent. Mother then side steps, giving me a small push forwards.
"Let's do this properly, they're acquainted with Morgana already." Mother instructs, signaling to me that I need to use my cover.
In Ylisse, publicly, Morgan and I go by fake names. It was easier than explaining to the world that time-travel exists, and it avoided people hounding us or our friends over what the future was like. It was annoying, sure, having to remember two names and making sure you didn't react to your real one. But the alternative was way, way more of a headache.
"Fine…" I mutter, arms going over my chest. "My name's Selena. I'm Cordelia's other cousin and Morgana's older sister."
None of them seem phazed at the news, which means Mom probably gave them the same schlock the day before. But the bigger lady's scratching her cheek, looking a decent bit confused.
"Have I… seen you b'fore?" She asks me, talking like a person who's spent their whole life living in Ylisstol's lower quarter. Urban, but rough, and not one with a noble upbringing. "You look kinda familiar."
"She was a contractor for His Highness." Cordelia explains. "She even fought during the Valmese War for the League."
"Right… looked different back then though." The Falconer recalls, with a chill shooting down my spine. If any of these people put two and two together and remember what I looked like before the new hair, I'm gonna have to come up with a new lie. And I've already got too many lies going on to keep straight.
My luck holds up, though, and she seems to drop it. Which gives room for the snowy one to chirp up again. "Morgana's sister. She's spoken quite a bit about you."
"You know her?" I ask, perking up.
"She's a friend. I was there when Her Highness knighted her officially." Natalia informs, giving me a little it of relief. Both that my cover's probably going to be easier to hold than I thought, and that Morgan's had a few people outside our usual cabal to keep her company.
Seriously, the other Future Shepherds can get so exhausting. I'll tell you about the time Cynthia almost got run over by a ballista.
"Well, let's start quickly. Sergeant, if you'd introduce yourself?" Mother says, opening the floor for the others to speak. The first lady stows her lance into her mount's saddle, before stepping forwards and bowing my way.
"Natalia. I'm the Sergeant in command of the Lifeguard." She reveals. 'Lifeguard', huh? Those are the people who act as the royal family's personal protection detail 24/7. Which explains why she's got a stick up her bum, seeing as her job means expecting danger from everywhere.
I return the bow, my 'noblewoman's intuition' kicking in.
"For the next week, each of these ladies is going to put you through the final exam." Mother explains further. "Natalia is managing stage one, which we'll be undertaking now."
"Wait. Wait, wait wait." I say, slowing her down as the final pieces finally click into my mind about why I'm here. "If I pass all the phases, does that mean I…?"
"It does. But only if you pass every trial." Mother tells me, and the whole weight of the world falls onto my shoulders. What Morgan told me in the stables rings in my ears all over again, and a new pit forms in my stomach as everything suddenly makes sense.
She's trying to make me a Knight. A real one.
"Technically we're skipping several steps, but you've proven proficient at the skills required to take the Falconer's Exam." She explains further coming closer to adjust the leather vambraces on my elbows. "You're ready. I know you are. But we're only going to do this if you want it."
What I want. What I want…
I've been asked that so much since I came back. Maybe it's time I finally answered.
Camus and I are airborne again, scouring the whole area south of the city looking for our target.
The goal of the first trial are simple. I need to hunt down Natalia and snatch a white flag that's tied to her pegasus. Then, I have to navigate back to the field where we first met up. All within four hours, without having her steal the flag back or getting myself hurt.
We're basically playing a glorified game of hide-and-seek, but I get what the point of this is.
They want to see how good I am at navigation and tracking. Finding one pegasus and it's rider over the territory spanning a whole county is not something a newbie could handle. Tracking someone on the ground over a zone this large is already hard as hell; doing it with a fast flier is nigh impossible unless you know what you're doing.
Unfortunately for her, I know exactly what I'm doing. There's three big ways to track a Pegasus.
First is to follow the winds. Most seasoned knights try to glide along local wind-patterns to save their mount's stamina. It usually means they can cover even more ground in the long run, even if it means taking a longer path overall. Flying against the sheer is a great way to tucker your partner out before you get anywhere, which means you have to land and rest.
Which then gets us to the second method; physical tracking. When pegasus fly, they molt their feathers. It takes about half an hour for them to float to the ground from normal altitude, and she only has a twenty-minute head start on me. So if I get close, and Camus can sniff out that his kin was in the area, following that trail from that point on shouldn't be too difficult.
Which then gets to the last method, onlookers. Works better in the afternoon, when there're plenty of people awake, but pegasus aren't exactly inconspicuous. A giant winged horse flying in the sky always draws eyes, and flying above cloud-cover tends to hurt the flier and the mount because of how thin the air is.
So, first thing I did was fly high and see which way the winds were blowing, then followed in that direction.
It's been two hours since we first started, and so far I haven't seen heads or tails of any physical trail. Camus keeps nudging us in this direction, like he's onto something. And even if I usually wouldn't put much credence on the gut instincts of a horse, it's not like I've got many better ideas at the moment.
The ride's been quiet. It's given me time to think about what Mom said, and if this is what I want.
Before we fled the future… I tried to become a Pegasus Knight the normal way. Enlistment, training and all that. Three times I tried. Three times, Phila failed me. Never gave me a straight answer, never told me why. Just that I didn't make the cut, and then a new slew of girls got in while I was left behind.
Meanwhile all anyone ever did was talk about how much the great Cordelia was rolling over in her grave that one of her daughters couldn't pass a simple entrance exam.
It made me so… so angry. How everyone always put me up against my mother. How no matter what I did, I was always in her shadow and never good enough on my own. I wasn't Severa, I was 'Cordelia's daughter.' I wasn't Lucina's personal retainer, I was a Knighthood dropout.
For a long time there wasn't a night where I didn't go to bed without wishing Phila fell and broke her neck. When word came to me that in this timeline, she'd died… part of me felt vindicated.
The rest of me felt disgusted with myself.
I became a swordswoman to prove to everyone that I was more than just Cordelia's heir. That I could stand on my own. But even then, I came second best to my friends. Lucina was a better swordswoman. Morgan was a better tactician. Gerome was a great axeman, Laurent knew magic like second nature and Brady was a fantastic healer.
I was good. I was never the best.
But none of that matters anymore. No one, absolutely no one expects anything of me. Not the rubberneckers back home, not my Mother who's actually alive to push away my darkest fears. Even Morgan's here, ready to back me up on whatever I want.
And now I've got people who I didn't have before. Subaki loves me for me, not my bloodline. Caeldori… I don't know about what she wants. But she won't force me to do anything.
The only thing stopping me now is me. And if I really want this still.
My little spiral's shaken up once Camus whinnies loudly. I look at his ugly mug, only to get sent flying down as he enters a nose-dive towards the ground. I tuck myself against him, keeping my eyes low as he brings us up and starts to glide us onto the ground.
As I finally check where we are… in a farming village. In front of a fruit stand.
"Are you serious?!" I bark at him, in total disbelief that he's brought us down for this. "Do you honestly think now's the time for a snack break!?"
He tilts his head up, fluttering his eyes as if he has no idea what he did wrong. Stupid, smug little…
Ugh. Fine, not like we haven't been at this for a while. I slide off of the saddle, picking at my coin purse and draw out four bronze coins. Before the kid at the stall can say anything, I toss them his way.
"Need you to tell me something." I start, looking for the best apples in the bunch and snagging four of them. "See anything unusual around here? Anyone flying overhead?"
"Uhhh… no ma'am." He answers to my eternal disappointment. A grumble, putting the apples in my haversack and shining them clean with my sleeve. Which makes me look straight down…
And I spot another apple on the ground. Eaten all the way to the core, with two big bites on either side. Way bigger than a human's.
Oh, this lying little…
"How much did she pay you?" I demand, edge creeping into my voice. The kid gulps, seeing that the jig is up. But he still doesn't tell me anything, lips sealed tighter than a cleric's knickers. My eyes roll, but I know how these merchant types operate. Grease their hands and they'd sell you their first born son.
So I dig a gold coin out of my purse, holding it out for him to gaze at like it's a woman wearing a skimpy dress.
"See this? This is a week's sales for you." I tell him, seeing the look in his eyes jump from worry to excitement at the idea of getting yet another payday out of some random strangers. "And it's all yours, if you tell me exactly where she went."
He points down the road faster than the speed of light, clearly valuing the cash over his word. "River that way by a small batch of woods. Said she needed some place quiet to feed her flying horse thing."
As he reaches to take the coin, I pull my hand back and tut at him. "Ah, ah ah. How far is the river?"
"Ten minute ride! Dunno how fast flying!" He tells me outright, practically salivating as I flick the coin into his hands and he pockets it.
"Pleasure doing business." I tell him, before going back to Camus and saddling up. He glares at me, nipping at my sack as he obviously wants an apple. But I tug at his reins, getting his head facing front again.
"Once we win, I'll buy you a fresh bundle of carrots. All yours, I'll even' cut'em up." I tell him. His ears perk up as I mention his favorite snack, stomping happily before he starts galloping through the streets. Nearly runs over a lady carrying a pail of milk before he gets the speed to go airborne, flapping his way towards the river.
We make it to the river in two minutes easily. And as soon we get back on the ground, I see feathers stuck to the bushes right at the entrance. My brain starts to rapidly formulate a plan, before I send Camus back into the air without me. After that, I dive headlong into the trees. Keeping low and watching my step for any dry leafs or errant twigs to give away my approach.
The feathers leave such a clear trail, Natalia's mount must've gotten her wings stuck in the branches more than once. Obviously it was an attempt to keep her profile as small as possible, she probably flew low to the ground so there'd be almost no trace.
It's a damn shame I'm a rich brat, isn't it? Money always wins over honesty, Anna taught me that trick.
The plan's simple. Move along the riverbank until I spot them, I'm guessing at the edge so her mount can eat and drink without being in the open. After that, I take this mirror in my pocket and flash it into the sky. The sun's high enough that Camus should see it, and he'll get drawn to the light. Hopefully, that'll make Natalia duck under the trees and try to avoid being spotted.
Right where I'll be waiting to jump'em both. Grab what I need, then make a beeline for the river where Camus'll come down and I can fly myself out of this joint. Hell, I might even be able to make it back before the three hour mark.
Plan's a bit fast and loose. If she tries to take off instead of hide, I'll have to chase her down. But she'll at least be close, and that's better off than I've been for the past few h-
Crap, there she is.
I duck into a bush as I spot the falcon knight at the river's edge. While her pegasus is drinking, she's sitting on a log and munching on one of that merchant's apples. Now that I'm getting a better look at her, she seems… about the same age as mother. A few years younger, maybe, but nothing drastic.
I guess she was one of the first recruits to try and repopulate the Knights after the Second Plegian War. Which means she was part of the League's invasion of Valm… and the Third Plegian War.
Yeesh, no wonder this lady's a Falcon Knight. Surviving that long means you've gotta be a stone-cold killer.
Either way, now's not the time to be admiring people. I back up a bit into a beam of sunlight, enacting the second stage of my plan as I shine the mirror upwards into the sky. The glare actually hurts my eyes from how bright it is, which means Camus should be able to see it… eventually…
Please work. Please, Gods, don't let my horse be a moron for once.
I stand there for a few minutes, before I hear Natalia's pegasus start whinnying.
"Pyra? What's wrong, girl?" I hear her ask, before she tilts her head up and sees probably Camus. "Damnation, how!?"
I dive behind a bush as soon as she grabs the reins of her horse, keeping myself small and quiet as the hoofs get closer and closer. Above the greenery, I can see her leading the thing further and further away. Probably trying to wrap around and take off somewhere Camus couldn't see.
So… I start following them. Keeping a line of trees between me and them as they skirt further down the river. Trying to keep my cadence in lock step with the pegasus', so any twigs I step on get muddled in with all the noise they're making.
Closer and closer, I inch myself towards her horse's derriere. I can see the flag hanging across her big bum, blue with the brand of the exalt blazing across it. So close, yet so far. Like it's mocking me. Daring me to go and grab it.
How you can get mocked by a flag, I've got no idea, but I've gotten into arguments with a horse at this point so I've already accepted I'm totally freaking loony.
Which is when I notice, thanks to my tunnel vision… her rider isn't in front of her anymore. She's completely gone, and her mount's been walking by itself without paying me any mind.
This is also when I feel something sharp and pointy jab the back of my armor.
"This is the part where you surrender." I hear Natalia hum in my ear, voice chilled to the core as I recognize that it's the tip of her spear that's poking me. Her mount stops moving, turning around to look before doubling back and breaking into a full canter away from us.
And just like that, in a moment's notice, my entire plan falls apart.
A/N: I'm alive! And so's this story! Need not worry, readers, we're still here! Even if my upload schedule is a complete mess!
Lately I've put a lot of focus on a fic I've been writing for another fandom. I've been feeling a lot of FE burnout, and with the influx of Three Houses fics I've gotten worried that this story along with my others was going to get brushed aside due to being... well, an Awakening/Fates plot. Byleth's all the rage these days, y'know? Not much room for the old stuff.
But now that I've wrapped up what I was doing there, we're back here. And Rupture's got two more updates in it's very near future coming to a theatre near you. Stay tuned.
o/