A.N: After reading chapter 137, I just had to write something about Pieck and Jean. No worries though; this is entirely spoiler free!
Gratitude
Pieck yawns as she sits up on her bed, the rays of the morning sun coming in from the window telling her that it's time to get up. So, she does, but she takes her time dressing herself before throwing the window open, taking in the sight of the waking streets of the city of Trost, her hometown since the war ended. It's a beautiful place, really. Had she not been told; she would've never guessed that it had once been run over by titans. And how long ago had that been? Six years? Seven? With how far behind Paradis was with everything, they sure rebuilt fast.
Catching a delicious scent, Pieck decides that it's time to head downstairs, least someone comes to get her.
As she walks, she takes in the dents and fading in the walls and the stairs for no particular reason, her mind just simply desiring to focus on something, anything.
"Smells good" she comments as she walks in to the kitchen.
"Why thank you dear; you're always so polite" the woman at the counter says as she turns around "Unlike that son of mine."
"You do know that I'm sitting right here, don't you mom?" Jean comments from the kitchen table, drinking his coffee.
"Of course, Jeanboy, of course" she waives him off "You sit down too, Pieck dear, the breakfast is almost done."
Pieck did as told, having learned the hard way that arguing would be futile. And it's not like there was any harm in taking it easy, especially not on this morning.
"Did you sleep well?" Jean asks. He's looking directly at Pieck over his coffee mug, and the woman notes that the soldier looks like he certainly hadn't.
"Like a corpse" she answers with a smile, making Jean grimace. That dims Pieck's mood a tiny bit as her smile falls "What's wrong?"
Jean stares at her for a while before sighing, clearly holding something back.
"Nothing"
She knows it's not nothing, though. She knows what's bothering him. She meant to hold this talk off until they were out of his mother's hearing range, for the sake of privacy, but maybe she should talk to him now.
"Jean- "
"Food is ready!" Mrs. Kirstein announces before Pieck can really even start.
Biting back a sigh of her own, she smiles at the older woman "Thank you, ma'am."
Mrs. Kirstein smiles at her, and Pieck looks down at the omelet in front of her. It would be a pity to let it cool down, so their talk would have to wait.
XXXXX
Now they sat in the carriage, just the two of them, but Pieck chose not to speak. She was looking out the window, watching the scenery one last time. Somehow, she preferred that over the talk she knew they'd eventually have to have. But not right now; she wanted to savor the moment.
"Pieck"
Apparently, Jean didn't.
"Yeah?" she turned to look at him "Did you forget something?"
Jean frowns.
"No" he says "Are you sure there isn't anything you want to do before we go? We don't need to be at the HQ until five; we still have hours" he pauses "You still have hours."
Pieck swallows. Of course, she knows that. Both of them do, but she would've preferred if he didn't voice it, didn't remind her of it now that she could still distract herself.
"I'm good" she says "I said goodbye to my father yesterday, and Annie and the others will be there. That's all I need."
Jean looked disappointed… wait, no, that might not be the right word. Perhaps just… sad?
She smiles at him.
"Is there something you still want to do?" she asks "It's like you said; there's still time. I'll come along if there's somewhere you want to stop by in."
"…No, I'm good"
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah"
Pieck shrugs, returning to watch out of the window, enjoying the sceneries slipping by.
XXXXX
"You didn't eat anything at lunch" Jean points out as they walk down the stairs leading underground.
"I wanted to savor the taste of the breakfast"
Jean barks out an unamused laugh.
"You really wanted a freaking omelet to be your last meal?"
"An omelet your mom made" Pieck clarifies "She's good at that."
"…Can't deny it" Jean admits. As Pieck reaches the end of the stairs she stops, not continuing down the hallway. Jean, still having a few steps left, stops as well; she can hear it.
"…Guess this is it" she says. She takes a deep breath "After I became a warrior, I always knew this was how and when my life would end, assuming I didn't die in the battlefield first of course. I never really dreaded it, and I still don't. Even if I don't do this, I'd die soon anyway."
"…Yeah, you would" Jean says, his voice sounding uncomfortable and strained to Pieck's ears.
"I have a lot of regrets, just like any of us" she continues "But I do not regret becoming a warrior."
She smiles, able to imagine Jean's surprised face behind her perfectly. She was sure of that.
"…Why?" she hears Jean ask. She knew he would "Were you not a warrior, you could live to see this new era with us. You could live here on this island, in Eldia, and be free, no longer persecuted and locked in an interment zone."
"Had I not become a warrior, I hadn't become who I am now" she tells him "I might have died as a soldier in some of Marley's wars, any of them. Or maybe not; maybe I would've survived them and died at the rumbling. Or maybe I had survived that too, living my life hating the faceless devils of Paradis that destroyed a large chunk of the world. In any of those cases, I wouldn't have become friends with the people I did."
She pauses.
"You and I certainly wouldn't be here, talking without trying to bite each other's heads off"
"You literally tried that when we first met"
"And you tried to blow me up when we met the second time" Pieck countered with a chuckle "But tell me, Jean, despite all that, are we friends?"
She hears him huff.
"Would I have agreed to be the one to keep an eye on you after the war ended if we weren't?"
"You're a soldier; you'd do so if ordered" she shrugs "Don't misunderstand me; I'm glad to have been by your side instead of in a cell like Reiner was."
"I did offer to look after him" Jean mutters "But he refused. He preferred the cells."
"He felt guilty for all that happened" she pauses, considering if she should say it or not, but decides to go with it "I don't; not to the extent he did, at least."
Instead of getting angry, she hears Jean say: "Me neither."
She doesn't turn around to look at him; she just waits for him to continue.
"I feel guilt for the civilian damage I caused over the years, guilt over killing others who were only following orders like I did, and guilt over not being able to protect all my friends, but not the way Reiner did" Jean says "I think I'm simply able to accept it better and to move on."
"Perhaps" Pieck says, her lips curving in to a mischievous smile "Or maybe you and I are just bigger devils than he was."
It's silent for a few seconds, and then she hears Jean chuckle again.
"Possible" she hears him say "Sorry that the price for your limited freedom was to have to deal with my mom, too."
"What are you talking about, Jeanboy? Your mother is lovely" Pieck laughs, just knowing that Jean is now frowning "…Really, I like her. I'm glad we stayed at your house from time to time instead of always staying in the military barracks."
She closes her eyes.
"I'm glad that you showed me around your hometown, let me see the ordinary life of Paradis' Eldians. I'm glad that you never asked your superiors for a break of me, and stayed with me this remaining time. So, Jean, for everything you've done for me- "she turns around to face him with a smile on her face "Thank you."
They look at each other straight in the eyes, and Pieck doesn't comment on the tears streaming freely down the man's face. For once he isn't trying to hide them or make some lame, see through excuse about them. She sees his mouth open and close, but either he can't get a word out, or simply doesn't know what to say. Feeling her own eyes starting to sting, Pieck knows that she has to put and end to this before any grief or fear can break her composure.
"Goodbye, Jean" she says, turning around again "I had fun."
She walks down the hallway, taking deep, silent breaths, wanting to calm down before she'd reach her destination. Before she'd step in to the chamber that she'd die in.
Taking a deep breath, she opened the door, seeing people waiting for her. She'd said goodbye to Annie and the kids above ground and Reiner's term had ended a week ago, so it was only just the scouts present. She didn't loathe them, didn't hate them. They were her comrades in arms, her friends, even if she wasn't close with them. She said her goodbyes before climbing off to her place, watching down from there as a lone scout was handed a syringe before walking forward. She didn't look at the scout; she didn't know that woman. Instead, her eyes drifted off to the people she did know, smiling as she saw Jean among them, no longer crying, though everyone could see he had done so. She was staring directly at him, so she saw his lips move. He could've just yelled it out, but guess he didn't want the others to notice. Of course, he knew that Pieck could read lips. And so, she did.
"Thank you"
A.N: Personally, I really like how this turned out, including the fact that I was able to keep out any too useless stuff that would've dragged the fic out. I also tried to balance it so that Jean and Pieck's relationship could be seen as platonic, but also as romantic if some fellow shipper wanted to look at it that way. Did I manage?