LEVI'S P.O.V.
After Levi managed to compose himself, Dilan helped him up and down the stairs. He was very unstable on his feet thanks to the blood loss.
Dilan sat him down at the kitchen table and grabbed some scissors to cut open his bandages. Levi froze slightly, not wanting her to see and get mad. Apparently, she sensed his distress as she gave him a reassuring smile that calmed him down a bit before taking the dripping red bandages off his arms. Levi saw her frown slightly as she saw the number of deep cuts. There were older ones too, but they had mostly healed. Levi felt the guilt hit him and he looked away.
"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!" She yelled, storming after him. "Who, the fuck, do you think you are!?" She spat. "Was all of it bullshit?! Everything you did to help me quit, to get better! Everything you fucking said! What happened to it's okay to feel pain but it's not okay to punish yourself!? What fucking happened Levi!? TELL ME!" She cried.
She was right. He said so many things to help her quit and then turned around and started doing it himself. He was so fucking pathetic.
"Hey." Dilan said softly and Levi reluctantly looked up at her. "It's okay, I'm not angry at you. We'll get you through this, alright?" She smiled and Levi had to blink back the tears as he smiled back. So much weight was off his chest he felt like he could breathe again. That didn't mean they still didn't have a lot to talk about though.
Dilan gently washed the blood away with a warm cloth and Levi had to bite back the winces, starting to feel the pain now. She got a good look at the cuts frowned slightly.
"Hm... you cut too deep. This one needs stitches." She muttered, grabbing the first aid kit and pulling out a chair, sitting down next to him, she prepped the needle.
"Brat." Levi said quietly, wetting his dry lips. He tried not to show the nerves in his voice. Dilan nodded that she was listening, threading the needle. "About what I said... what I did in the woods..." Levi continued in a regretful tone. He used his other hand to rake a hand through his hair nervously, too scared to look at her. "I don't even remember doing it, I-I just snapped and-" Levi tried to apologise but Dilan took his hand, cutting him off.
"You weren't yourself. I forgive you." She said genuinely with a smile, squeezing his hand for comfort before going back to her task, tying off the thread. Levi looked at her in shock.
How could she forgive him so easily?
"But I was such a shit bag!" He protested, wanting her to get a little mad at him at least. Dilan chuckled, rolling her eyes.
"That you were but you made up for it. I bet this took a while to find." Dilan commented, looking done at her necklace. It seems she had fixed the clasp.
"I shouldn't have done it in the first place." Levi mumbled. Dilan flicked him on the forehead and Levi looked up to glare at her.
"Shut up about it, grumps." She said before pausing and bursting out laughing. Levi looked at her in shock. Did the news make her mentally deranged? It would explain a few things.
"Oi, what's with you?" He asked, confusion and partly annoyed. Dilan managed to compose herself a bit.
"Far used to call you Grumpy, instead of using your name. I call you grumps all the time. Maybe I knew subconsciously, it's unlikely that there would be two people as grumpy as you. I don't know why I never realised, he did describe you pretty well. Argumentative and unsociable, annoyingly clean-" Dilan started listing with a smile and Levi looked at her with wide eyes.
"Wait- he told you about me?" he asked. Dilan nodded.
"Yep. Only after heavy provoking. He called you grumpy and his other friend loud, that was Isabel, right?" Dilan asked. Levi sighed and nodded. The letter made a lot more sense now. Levi remembered once Dilan told him that his brother had two friends that she wasn't allowed to meet. Farlan must have told her some stuff about them. "You alright?" Dilan asked, concerned. Levi gave a small smile.
"Yeah, it's just... a lot." He admitted. Dilan nodded in understanding as she started sewing him up carefully. Levi swallowed down a wince, keeping his arm still.
"How long have you known?" Dilan asked, glancing up at him before focusing back on her task.
Levi sighed.
"I found out a week before the last expedition. Mike and Erwin were talking in his office. Me and Hanji overheard. Apparently, Eyebrows did a more thorough background check on you." Levi explained truthfully. He wanted it all to be out in the open.
"I see. Must have been hard to believe." Dilan commented and Levi let out a puff of amusement.
"It was. You look nothing alike." He pointed out and Dilan rolled her eyes.
"Yeah, apparently I got my mothers looks." Dilan smiled happily and it warmed Levi's heart. Dilan tied off the thread and cut it with some scissors. "The rest aren't that deep. Bandages will do them fine as long as you don't aggravate them... or add any more." Dilan added, looking up for his reaction.
Levi couldn't blame her for being sceptical.
"I don't plan on it." He said, honestly. Dilan smiled in approval and bandaged his forearm more securely. She looked at his other arm and back at Levi.
Levi shook his head. He hadn't gotten that far yet.
"Come on. You must be dying in those clothes." Dilan pointed out and Levi looked at his own bloodied clothing, grimacing.
"Yeah. Thanks for reminding me." He grumbled. Dilan chuckled and helped him up, steadying him as he swayed. Levi nodded that he was fine, and Dilan took his hand, squeezing it for support before leading him upstairs. Levi couldn't supress the smile that broke out on his face. He really was too lucky for this girl.
They got upstairs and Levi changed in the bathroom while Dilan waited in his room. He threw the dirty clothes in his hamper and changed into black trousers and a grey V-neck. When he came back out of the bathroom he blinked as Dilan was looking around his room in some strange places.
"Brat?" Levi asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Already found my bag of daggers, I'll be taking those back." She explained, lifting the bag of sharp metal onto the bed. She knelt down under the bed and searched along the edge, smirking when she found another blade and threw it in the bag. Levi didn't know if he was impressed or annoyed.
The brat certainly knows how I think.
"I got the window ledge, bed, bedside table. Anywhere else? Lie and I will make your life a living hell." Dilan said with dangerous eyes. Levi swallowed, knowing this was not a girl to be mess with.
"The light." Levi looked up and Dilan tilted her head, standing up on the bed to grab the small blade out of the hanging light, putting it in the bag. "And headboard." Levi added reluctantly. He felt vulnerable without his weapons, but he knew it was for his own good.
Dilan grabbed the dagger that was taped onto the back of the headboard and put it in the bag.
"That everything?" She asked. Levi nodded. "Okay." She said in approval, walking past him, into the bathroom. Levi followed her, scrunching his nose up in confusion as she started rooting around his cabinets.
"What are you-"
"Ha! Found them." She smirked, grabbing his shaving razors. Levi gave her a deadpan look.
"Brat, I need to shave my face." He said in a flat tone. Dilan gave him an apologetic look, patting him on the shoulder as she went passed.
"When you need to shave, I will give them back and supervise you." She explained, packing them in the bag. Levi frowned.
"Dil, I have some will power-"
"It doesn't matter how strong willed you are, Levi. Addiction always gets people uif it's available. Having one blade around is having the same as having this whole bag. Look, your quitting now before you get too deep. You don't want to go down that road, trust me. Besides, if you cut again, I'll have to cut, and I don't want to do that." Dilan explained and Levi's eyes widened as he remembered the deal, he made with Dilan to get her to quit.
"It's okay to feel pain. It's not okay to punish yourself. Remember?" Levi convinced. Dilan sniffed, looking down as Levi put his hand around the bladed end. "If you hurt yourself, I have to hurt myself too. That was the deal." Levi reminded gently.
"Dil, you can't do that." He said seriously. He would never forgive himself if he dragged her down with him. She had worked so hard to get out.
Dilan looked at him.
"I won't because you're not going to make me, right?" Dilan asked with a reassuring smile. Levi sighed and rubbed his face.
"Right." He mumbled. Dilan chuckled and took one of his hands, bringing him over to the bed.
"Get in, your clearly exhausted." Dilan ordered. Levi gave her a glare and she glared right back. Eventually Levi gave in as he was indeed exhausted. He got under the covers as Dilan drew the curtains to give the room more darkness. Dilan turned towards the door and Levi's heart jumped in panic as he thought she was about to walk away.
"Dil." He sat up and Dilan looked at him. "You aren't... going to leave me... right?" He asked, hating how pathetic he was sounding but right now if felt like he was going to explode if the brat wasn't next to him. Dramatic but it's how he felt.
Dilan smiled reassuringly, squeezing his hand briefly.
"Course not. I'm just putting these in my room. I'll be back in a second." Dilan explained, picking up the bag and hoisting it over her shoulder before leaving the room.
Levi swallowed hard, subconsciously fisting the sheets in his anxiousness. He felt too hot. Was it hot in this room? He was cold a second ago. What the fuck is happening? Levi blinked forcefully as his breathing picked up and he sat up straighter, trying to get the air in. Was he having a panic attack? Why now?
"Fuck." Levi breathed shakily, bringing his legs to his chest he leant his head back on the headboard and closed his eyes, trying to calm down. His eyes opened as he heard the door open and Dilan came in, pausing as she observed his state. Levi looked down, leaning his head on his knees and clenching his jaw. He hated that she was seeing him like this but by god did he need her right now. Just her presence made the air thin slightly.
Dilan moved over to him wordlessly, she got in the bed and took his hand in both of hers while he calmed down. He was still breathing shakily but the air was thinning. All he had to focus on was the warm hands on his and he stopped freaking out almost immediately.
Dilan smiled in approval as he got back in control and tugged gently on his hand, suggesting he lie down. Levi did so and Dilan let go of his hand for a second to get under the covers and lay down next to him but found his hand again shortly after and Levi closed his eyes, sighing in relief. Dilan smiled, humming softly in approval as she gently brushed the bangs away from his eyes. Levi felt all his panic melt away from the affectionate touch.
"Want to tell me what that was about?" Dilan asked gently. Levi cracked his eyes open to look into her amber ones. The concern was clear, but he could see no pity. Levi wasn't surprised. He knew the brat wasn't like that, he wasn't either. They never pitied each other for what happened to them.
"I don't know." He admitted. Dilan raised an eyebrow. "Seriously. It just happened; I don't know what caused it." Levi explained with a sigh. Dilan nodded in understanding.
"Well you just quit for good, it's not uncommon. I had panic attacks both times I quit." Dilan comforted.
"But I quit before and I didn't get like that." Levi replied. Sure, the withdrawal was a bitch, but he never got panic attacks for no reason. Dilan smiled sadly.
"Maybe you knew deep down you weren't giving up for good. You hadn't gotten anything off your chest, it was still eating at you. Now your free and you don't have to give yourself pain anymore and that terrifies you." Dilan said and Levi blinked at her.
Insightful brat.
"When did you become so wise, huh?" Levi asked and Dilan cracked a smirk.
"Well I am rather knowledgeable on the topic." She shrugged, smiling sadly. Levi squeezed her hand for support.
"It wasn't bullshit; you know." He started after a stretch of silence.
Dilan looked at him.
"Everything I said to help you quit, I meant everything. I'm so sorry for doing this Dil, I feel like such a fucking hypocrite telling you not to do something and then turning around and doing it myself. Pathetic." He scoffed, looking at the ceiling and sighing, angry with himself.
"Hey, don't to that. I don't resent you for starting, I'm just sad you didn't come to me instead." Dilan replied softly and Levi looked at her. Relieved and at the same time, not. It was clear he had hurt her by holding back.
"I should have done. I'm sorry." Levi said sincerely. Dilan looked at him.
"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked. There was no anger in her tone, simply curious and perhaps a bit sad.
Levi sighed.
"I didn't want to believe it but after a sobering trip to the underground it was undeniable. I felt like everything shitty that had ever happened to you was my fault and I felt like if I told you the truth... I would lose you." Levi explained.
"So, you pushed me away." Dilan continued, clearly remembering the week where Levi didn't speak to her before the expedition.
Levi nodded.
"Then the shit with Stacy happened. We both almost died, and I knew I couldn't ignore you anymore. You were too important to me so I decided I would have to tell you and accept the consequences. I decided to stop cutting too, figuring it wouldn't be long before you figure it out, perceptive little shit." Levi added and Dilan chuckled. "I was piss-pants scared but I was going to follow through. That was until Erwin called me into his office." Levi explained and realisation filled Dilan's face.
"He gave you the letter and the picture." She continued. "But it's the blonde bastard, he wouldn't do it without wanting something in return." Dilan got there easily, and Levi smiled a bit. She really was too smart.
Levi nodded again.
"Somehow he found out that I knew you were Farlan's sister. He told me some stuff and showed me the letter. Blackmailed me for it." Levi explained. Dilan frowned slightly.
"What did you promise him?" She asked concerned.
"I gave him my word I wouldn't tell you of my relation to Farlan and promised to keep my distance from you. That was for the letter. For the photo, he asked for a favour I have to give him in the future." Levi explained, deciding not to tell Dilan about the last part of his and Erwin's deal given it was about liking the brat. Dilan smiled slightly.
"Idiot. You shouldn't have done that." She mumbled. Levi smiled; glad she wasn't pissed. She probably knew how hard it was for him to stay away.
He didn't do it willingly.
"I'll do anything for you, you know that." Levi replied softly, his heart warming when Dilan blushed a bit but smiled anyway. "Besides, I already broke my word." Levi added with a roll of the eyes. Dilan chuckled.
"That you did. So, what happens now?" She asked. Levi sighed.
"I guess, we lie. Erwin can't know that you do, or he might do something drastic. He seems to think you're a wild card and that you would pull something." Levi explained with a scoff. He frowned slightly as Dilan averted his eyes. "Brat?" He questioned slowly. Dilan hummed, but refused to meet his eyes. "Are you pulling something?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. Dilan hesitated but sighed.
"No bullshit, right? I don't want us to keep anything from each other anymore." Dilan said seriously. Levi nodded, agreeing.
Although there was always one secret, he was going to keep from her. He decided not to think about that right now.
"Well... I always knew what Farlan's mission was. Infiltrate the survey corps, steal documents and kill Erwin smith." Dilan started and Levi nodded that it was accurate. "So, when I was taken and then found out you were too, I simply assumed that the blonde bastard had been rounding up criminals from the underground for a long time."
Dilan continued and Levi supposed that was a reasonable assumption.
"I didn't plan on it until after I got here but Erwin took my brother and I wanted to kill him for it." Dilan gritted out, taking a breath to compose herself. "So, I dropped my escape plan-" Pausing when Levi raised an eyebrow, she rolled her eyes. "Yes, I was planning an escape, you were right to keep an eye on me. But I dropped that to focus on moving up the ranks, I wanted to get higher so I could gain trust and kill him. I didn't care whether I died after, as long as he was dead, that's all that mattered." Dilan explained, looking at Levi for his reaction.
Levi wasn't sure what to feel.
"When did you stop planning to kill him?" Levi asked.
"I haven't." She replied without missing a beat and Levi's eyes widened a fraction in shock. Seeing this, she elaborated. "One day, he will die, and it will be by my hand but after I started situating myself in the corps, I added conditions to this. Erwin's a bastard but humanity needs him. I can't kill him until he is of no use to the corps, which will probably be for a while. I also needed to make sure, his death wouldn't mean mine since I had promises to keep and pacts to for fill." She joked lightly. Levi looked up at the ceiling, again not sure how to feel. "You mad?" She asked, nerves in her voice.
Levi looked back at her, giving her hand a small squeeze of reassurance to settle her nerves while he thought of an answer. Regardless of everything he was glad she told him.
"No, I can understand why you would feel the need to, given what he took from you. I'll admit, after it happened, I tried to kill him too." Levi replied honestly.
"What changed your mind?" She asked. Levi sighed.
"Like you said, he's needed. He's a bastard and he doesn't have any emotions but he's humanities hope for defeating the titans. Only he will be able to do what's necessary, sacrifice whoever is necessary. I learnt that after they died, and I still resent him for it but if no one does anything to fight back it's only a matter of time before we're all dead." Levi explained gravely.
Dilan sighed.
"I know, you're right." She replied. There was a brief moment of silence before Levi had to ask the question that was nagging at his gut.
"You didn't... just become friends with me to rise up the ranks, did you?" Levi asked reluctantly. Dilan's eyes widened a bit.
"Actually, it was the opposite." Dilan replied evenly. "It was becoming friends with you that made me want to place my plan on pause, focus on the people I care about not just vengeance." Dilan said with a smile. Relief filled Levi's chest at that, and he smiled back.
Silence descended upon them for a while until Dilan spoke up through the darkness.
"Levi?" She asked quietly, Levi turned to look at her and his heart hurt at the tears in her eyes. "I didn't want to bring it up but..." She bit her lip, trying not to cry. "What you said in the forest... w-was Farlan really ripped in half?" She asked shakily, a tear spilling over the edge.
Guilt twisted in Levi's stomach when he realised how painful that must have been to hear. He wanted to apologise again but it wouldn't change the fact that he did indeed do and say those things.
"Do you want the truth?" Levi asked carefully. Dilan blinked out another tear but nodded anyway. Levi sighed. "Come here, I'll tell you in a bit." Levi offered, needing her to calm down first.
Dilan realised a shaky breath and gave him a grateful look as she shuffled over in the bed, leaning her head onto his shoulder, resting into Levi's side and putting a hand on his chest as she calmed down. Levi held her close while she calmed down, looking up at the ceiling and trying to swallow down his own emotion as he thought about how to tell her.
"You don't have to tell me." Dilan whispered after a while. Levi sighed. While his heart warmed at her selflessness, there was no way he could accept.
"You deserve an answer." Levi replied but continued as Dilan opened her mouth to protest to that. "But I should really get this off my chest too." Levi added and apparently Dilan found that response acceptable since she didn't reply.
Levi took a breath before starting. He had been holding this in for a long time.
"The plan hit a hitch. We checked everywhere in the compound, including Erwin's office and personal quarters but the documents weren't around. Farlan suggested they must be on him and I agreed so there was no other choice but to go on the expedition and kill him then. I decided it was too dangerous for them and that they should fake an illness and stay behind. As you can imagine, they weren't up for that plan..."
"Levi, no way! are you kidding? We're a team." Farlan protested quietly. They were currently hiding in the storage room while they made their discussions.
"Yeah! We have to stick together!" Izzy protested with a rather large pout. Levi glared at both of them, not understanding why they wouldn't just listen to him. He could get the job done on his own, he didn't need them to come.
They would be risking their lives without a point.
"You're not coming. That's final." Levi said in a stern low voice before walking away from them.
Levi couldn't sleep that night, like most nights. Back down in the underground he normally resorted to cleaning or polishing his blades when his insomnia got bad but up here, he opted for something different.
Silently leaving their shared room after glancing at his friends, sleeping peaceful on the hard floor, ignoring the numerous beds available in the room, Levi padded along the halls, hands in his pockets.
He glanced around the dark corridor before going up the stairs and opening up the door to the roof. Levi stood there for a moment, mesmerised. He never thought the sky could be this... incredible.
Yes, he was a cold calculating bastard, but he still had feelings. He still had to suppress an uncharacteristic smile when he first saw the sky in all its glory.
Levi walked over to the edge, looking down at the long drop. He sat down, letting one leg dangle, he brought the other up to his chest and rested an arm on top of it as he stared up at the view. Levi wondering whether it was all worth it, risking their lives like this. Levi had led them into unmeasurable danger so whatever happened to them, it was his fault.
If they died... it would be his fault.
Levi grit his teeth at the thought. Sure, the underground was shit but he had his family. Even if it meant his inevitable death from malnutrition or drinking unclean water, he would still get to live his days with his family, fighting together for a surface citizenship. Something seemed off with this deal with the benefactor and he couldn't shake the feeling that something was going to go terribly wrong.
Levi watched as the sky clouded over and turned grey and a feeling of disappointment weighed on him. It was like he was back down there.
The loud creaking of the door brought him out of his musings and Levi looked back. He saw Izzy's crazy red hair and green eyes pop out before she saw him, and a wide grin of adoration filled her face. Levi would never admit it, but his heart warmed every time the girl looked at him like that, even if he didn't deserve it.
"Big bro! There you are!" She exclaimed happily, throwing the door open and running over to him. Farlan followed her shortly after and they all sat up on the ledge next to him.
"Levi let's talk about this. I can't agree with you going alone. It's just as dangerous for you." Farlan said. Izzy nodded in agreement, her face growing serious.
"You said when we first step outside the walls it will be all three of us, together. Have you forgotten?" Izzy asked. Levi looked back out at the view.
"It's the same. When you can't see the moon or the stars, the sky up here is the same as the sky down there. The colour of the sky, sure. But-"
"It's different!" Izzy interrupted. Levi looked at her in surprise. "We know that there is no ceiling! It's completely different!"
"That's right. The sky is endless. It may be just as dark but it's far different from the underground." Farlan smiled.
"Look!" Izzy said, pointing upwards and they all looked up. "The moon is so bright!" She said in awe. Levi looked at it as the sky cleared and the moon shone down at them. His eyes softened at the sight. "Right? There's a difference isn't there?"
"Yeah." Farlan smiled. "We're not underground." He reminded and they all looked up again, a peace settling over them. "We won't have to live down there anymore." Farlan said.
"He's right, bro. The three of us always pull through, right?" Izzy grinned. "It'll be the same with the titans! Let's do this together!" She pleaded.
"Levi, believe in us." Farlan asked and they both looked at him. Levi glanced at them before back at the sky. He could see how much being here meant to them. Perhaps he should trust them. Trust in his family.
"Alright. I'll believe in you." He smiled. Farlan smiled back.
"Yay!" Izzy cheered. "Bro sure is a stubborn one, isn't he?" Izzy said cheekily and Farlan laughed with her. Levi rolled his eyes at his friends but felt a peace nonetheless as they watched the starry sky.
It was several hours in the next day that shit hit the fan. They had ridden out beyond the walls and Levi was astounded at the immense feeling of freedom that settled over him. He felt like there were no limitations out here.
Of course, that was a naïve thought. He was about to see just how many obstacles there were outside.
Heavy rain descended upon the troops. Rain so thick they could barely see three feet in front of them as the cold sprays hit them over and over.
Looking over to Izzy and Farlan he decided it would be best to push on without them, using the rain as cover. To his surprise, they agreed he would do better by himself and told him to go, wishing him luck.
Izzy waved at him as they both disappeared into the mists.
Levi rode in the darkness towards the centre formation. He felt a pool of dread collect in his stomach, but he pushed onwards. The others were relying on him to complete their mission. He couldn't let them down.
Levi's eyes widened as he pulled his horse to a stop with a jolt inches before a bloodied, mangled body. He recognised the woman as the scout who presented them with horses. So alive only days before. And now... she was just dead. Levi looked out in horror, seeing various other disfigured bodies, crushed into the floor, pure pain printed on their lifeless faces.
A gasp of pain caught his attentions and he turned out to look at the last remaining survivor. Half of his legs were chewed off.
"The titan..." He croaked out, pointing in the direction Levi had just came before succumbing to his injuries. Levi's eyes widened.
Did it walk right past me?
He thought in a panic, finding a large footstep next to him he slapped his horse's reigns and galloped at full speed, following the footsteps.
Be alive. Just be alive!
Suddenly his horse tripped over something and fell causing Levi to skid off into the dirt. He swallowed hard seeing it was a dead body, one of his squad members.
He turned around, about to get up, needing to find them but his body stilled, and his blood froze as he saw Izzy's severed head lying a few feet away from him and Levi momentarily forgot how to breath. Her emerald green eyes, that usually sparkled with such excitement were dull and empty. Blood smeared down her chin and collected on the grass around her. Levi was in utter shock.
He couldn't move.
This didn't actually happen right? This is all some sort of sick twisted dream he was having. When he woke up, Izzy would be fine, right? Annoying and as loud as ever.
But as Levi stared at the very dead girl before him, feeling a pain in his soul like no other before, he knew it was real. His little sister was dead.
A shifting behind him snapped him out of his shocked daze and he turned in time so see the titan's jaw's clamp down on Farlan's waist, spitting him out onto the damp ground, drowning in his own blood.
Levi's eyes widened and everything went silent.
He'd lost them both. It was his fault. He was... he was alone again. Why did he do this? Why did he interfere himself in their lives? If he had just left Farlan alone... left Izzy alone... they would be alive. They wouldn't have been here. They wouldn't be gone.
Levi looked up at the beast with pure hatred as it licked Farlan's remains off of its lips with a grotesque-looking tongue, its blood red eyes narrowing on Levi, it's assumed next meal.
You took them... you took my only FUCKING FAMILY!
Levi thought as he went at it screaming. He sliced and carved and stabbed until the beast's screams joined with his own and he cut the head off from its neck before dealing the final blow to the nape and dropping to the floor. The rain soaked away his tears as he looked at the floor, utterly speechless.
Levi didn't know how long he stood there but the sounds of horses made him, reluctantly, look up. There was the bastard himself. Erwin Smith. He got off of his horse and surveyed the scene with cold, hard eyes.
"Pathetic. A whole squad?" He scoffed and Levi's eyes widened at his disrespect, lunging for him, the steel of his blade, cutting into the squad leader's hand.
"I'm going to... kill you!" Levi hissed, pushing against his block. Erwin looked at him blankly before tossing out a roll of documents onto the wet floor. Levi hesitated, looking down at them in confusion.
"These documents revealing Lobov's crimes... are a fake." Erwin said in a firm tone and Levi looked at him with wide eyes, realisation hitting him over the head. It was a trick. A manipulation. The blonde bastard knew all along.
"You fucking knew we were after you and you still-" Levi snarled, hatred and despair filling his soul, he lunged for Erwin again, but Mike grabbed him and held him back. Levi dropped to the floor, guilt eating away at him as tears dripped down his face.
"Don't. If you begin to regret, you'll dull your future decisions and let others make choices for you. All that's left for you then is to die. Nobody can foretell the outcome. Each decision you make holds meaning only by affecting your next decision. I won't regret your friend's death as you shouldn't. Simply learn and make better decisions next time." Erwin said before walking away, leaving Levi no choice but to follow him...
When Levi finished his explanation of what happened he looked at Dilan carefully. He had explained it as gently as possible, electing not to tell her how Farlan died again in such a harsh way. He could deny he was worried for her reaction. Now she heard what actually happened, would she change her mind. Would she blame him? Hate him?
Levi didn't know if he would be able to take that. He had barely kept it together through the whole explanation. Levi swallowed nervously as Dilan remained quiet. He couldn't see her face as it was hidden from him in his side, but her fist was gripping a handful of his shirt with white knuckles.
"Dil?" Levi asked softly. No response. "Brat, please say something." Levi asked. He couldn't take the silence.
"It..." Dilan started; her voice thick with emotion. "It wasn't your fault." She continued quietly and Levi's eyes widened in disbelief. After hearing all of that, how could she say that? "It was mine." She whispered and Levi's heart broke.
"Dilan listen to me; it was not your fault." Levi said seriously, gently pulling her back and turning on his side so he could look her in the eyes.
"But it was. If I wasn't so stupid, if I hadn't gotten raped then he wouldn't have been so desperate to get me out of there. He might have listened when I told him to stay." She sniffed, tears spilling down from her amber eyes. Levi sighed, gently wiping her tears away and taking her hand.
"That was not your fault. Something shitty happened to you, you're the victim and you should never feel guilty that it happened. Look, we've clearly both been carrying the weight of this for five years. Guilt wrecks people, and I think we've been wrecked enough. So, we're going to be sad and we're going to get pissed but we're not going to feel guilty. Farlan wouldn't want us to do this, the cheerful bastard." Levi finished with a light smile. Dilan let out a small emotional laugh and nodded. "Good, brat." He said softly, letting her cuddle into him and cry it out.
Levi blinked back tears of his own.
"I miss him." She said shakily. Levi hugged her close as Dilan cried silently into his shoulder.
"I miss him too. I'm sorry it took so long but I found you. I got you now." Levi comforted and Dilan relaxed a bit, seeming to calm at his words.
It wasn't long before the exhausted pair passed out in each other's arms.
DILAN'S P.O.V.
A while later the pair woke up as it was now a decent time in the day. They separated to shower before meeting up in the kitchen and having some lunch together. It was shitty sandwiches since after all of this time, neither of them had yet learnt to cook but Dilan enjoyed them thoroughly. It was nostalgic and reminded her of the good old days when it was just her and Levi and he could be himself all the time. Even if she did love the squad, Levi was her best friend and the most important person in her life. She wouldn't give the squad up but sometimes she wished she could spend more time with Levi on their own.
It had been an emotional 24 hours, but Dilan was glad she had stayed behind to confront him. Everything was out in the open and somehow Dilan felt closer to him, she had technically known him since she was 5, she just didn't know she knew him. And the idea that there was someone around, other than herself, to carry on Farlan's memory delighted her more than she would care to admit.
It was a relief now that everything was on the table. She had no more secrets from him, and she hoped Levi could say the same.
Currently they were washing the dishes. Levi cleaning, like the relentless obsessive shit that he was and Dilan drying off the bubbles from his incessant scrubbing.
"Do you know what's funny?" Dilan asked out of the blue. They had been in a comfortable silence for a while now. Levi looked at her as he passed her the last plate.
"What?" He asked.
"If where weren't both so stubborn, we would have found this out a long time ago." Dilan chuckled. Levi rolled his eyes but smirked anyway, turning around to lean back on the counter while he dried his hands with a dishcloth.
"No. The reason it took 2 years to figure out was because you are an idiot." He retorted in a bored voice.
Dilan gave him an exasperated look.
"How the hell was it my fault!?" She asked. Levi crossed his arms.
"You had all the information. If you were half as smart as you think you are, you would have figured it out." Levi shrugged.
Dilan rolled her eyes.
"Shut up, ass." She huffed and Levi chuckled. "Besides, I did want to ask you if you knew him. I've wanted to ask for a long time." Dilan admitted, setting the plate down on the pile.
Levi looked at her in slight shock.
"Why didn't you then?" He elected do say after a moment of silence. Dilan sighed, picking up the plates. Levi opened the draw for other and she set them down inside, shutting the draw afterward.
"We both had an unspoken rule not to bring it up. Friends and brother, they were both off the table. Who knew we were edgy about the same person?" Dilan said with a sigh. Levi nodded in understanding, sitting down at the table.
"I guess that's true. If you brought it up earlier, I probably would have shut you down." Levi admitted. Dilan smiled slightly and sat down opposite him.
"Same here." She shrugged. Levi smiled back a bit and they shared a sigh of content. Dilan frowned a bit as she thought of something, sitting up straighter. "So, you really weren't that busy? Is the corps even in a crisis?" She questioned, raising an eyebrow. Levi rolled his eyes and flicked her on the forehead. "Ow." She pouted.
"Don't be stupid, of course the corps is in a crisis. I'm not a fucking wizard, I can't make up a problem like that, I've been balls deep in paperwork." Levi joked and Dilan laughed. "But I have had spare time and I was avoiding you. Sorry brat." Levi added, regret in his tone. Dilan smiled to ease his concern.
"Don't be, you did it for me anyway. Thank you for getting the letter and the photo. I'll never be able to thank you enough. I got to hear him one last time." Dilan smiled gratefully, tears stinging her eyes again. Levi smiled back, squeezing her hand over the table.
"You shouldn't thank me; they belong to you. I just wish you got it sooner." Levi replied. Dilan hummed in agreement.
"Yeah, life might be pretty different if I got the letter five years ago." She said thoughtfully. She wondered what her life would be like if she had found Levi five years ago. She would have never become an assassin. She wouldn't have started cutting or learnt how to use the 3DMG. She was a completely different person back before Farlan died. She was weak but she was happy.
Levi scoffed.
"I doubt it, life would be the same. You would have just been a pain in my ass for three years longer." Levi said with a shrugged and Dilan laughed.
"Probably." She smiled, looking at the hand that was laced with hers.
It didn't really matter what happened now. She was here and she had her best friend.
"I'm happy now though. I have you after all." She looked up to Levi, surprised to see a light blush on his cheeks.
A wide smirk cracked on her face as Levi's eyes widened and he was quick to pull his hand back, averting his eyes and coughing to clear his throat. Dilan chuckled, rolling her eyes.
Men.
Still she was feeling nice, so she decided to save him from the embarrassment of feeling. Farlan was right about how bad he was at expressing himself sometimes. Although Dilan liked to think he had improved in the last two years.
"So how do you think Erwin found out that you knew?" Dilan asked, it had been bugging her for a while.
Levi's face fell serious and he sighed.
"There's only one way he would know." Levi said, gritting his teeth slightly. Dilan took a moment but got there too.
"Hanji." Dilan said quietly. Levi nodded and there was a moment of silence. Neither one of them wanted to believe Hanji would betray them like this. "Maybe she didn't have a choice?" Dilan suggested.
Levi gave her a look.
"She had a choice, Dil. Tell him or don't. She chose to fuck us over." Levi said in annoyance and Dilan observed his frustration. He looked a lot angrier than he should be. Did Hanji tell Erwin something else too? Surely not, they had already placed all the cards on the table. Dilan chose to belief her friend was just overtired than keeping something else from her.
Surely, he wouldn't be that stupid after all of this.
"We both know Hanji's not like that. Promise me you'll let her explain first. Once you know what happened you can decide whether or not to get pissed at her then." Dilan said calmly. Levi hesitated, still looking irked but sighed in defeat.
"Fine." He grumbled. Dilan smiled in approval, glancing at the time.
"We got an hour before the others get back. What'd you wanna do?" She asked. Levi hummed, leaning back in his chair and thinking about it for a second.
"I want to train." He said simply. Dilan gave him a deadpan look.
"Levi it's too hot to train." She replied.
Levi rolled his eyes.
"It won't be too hot in the forest. Come on, brat, I've been cooped up in that office for three months. I want to train with someone who will keep up with me. You saying you're not up for it?" Levi questioned with a smirk. Dilan chuckled; he was such a child sometimes.
"You bet your ass I'm up for it. It's you who needs to worry, old man." She said with a cheeky grin, standing up and bursting out laughing at the look on Levi's face.
"I'm 24, Dil. 24." He said slowly in a dark tone. Her next sentence could mean her life or death. Dilan smiled, letting out a puff of amusement.
"I know, Levi. Stop being such a tight ass." She sniggered, ignoring his glare as she grabbed an apple. Levi rolled his eyes and went for the door. Dilan followed him, squinting as they got out into the bright light and a heavy warmth started to suffocate them. "Seriously." She deadpanned. Five seconds and she was already sweating. Levi simply smirked and continued walking.
They fastened their gear and walked towards the forest when Dilan thought of something and stopped them both moving.
"Are you sure your up for this? You lost a lot of blood." She said seriously, looking at this arm, before looking back up at him. Levi smiled in reassurance.
"I feel fine and I've lost more blood than that before. Besides, I know on the very slim chance that something happens to me, you'll be there to save my ass." Levi smirked. Dilan rolled her eyes but smirked back. He was right after all. She'll always have his back.
"Damn straight. Let's go then." She grinned, shooting off into forest, Levi closely behind her. She had never been more thankful for her friend. She knew that Farlan was watching over both of them and they didn't have to feel guilty anymore.
I'll see you again one day, brother. Until then, I plan on living life to the fullest, every day.
A/N: Yo! Levi finally got what happened off his chest (I didn't want to spend too long on the flashback but I felt Dilan needed to know what happened and I wanted Levi to finally talk to someone about it). Now they can both stop destroying themselves now and move on together. I have plans for how this is going to happen. Some of you make likes these plans and others may not. But I'm not going to give you any spoilers. It would ruin the surprise.
What I wanted to say most was thank you for the comments guys! You really came through on that last chapter and I'm so happy I didn't disappoint on the big reveal!
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In fact I wanted to take the time to respond to the comments on that last chapter.
Vain-gl0ry: Dude. You are seriously the best commenter I have ever seen! I can't thank you enough for your dedication to my story! You've been there from the beginning and I hope you'll keep reading to the end cause I love hearing from you! :) we're on the second countdown now just like you said. Realistically, Dilan already has feelings for Levi but they are so deep down that she has no idea how to process them. She's just been through so much the poor baby. She has no idea what real love is or what it feels like. But she is going to find out. I won't make you wait forever but whether or not I make you wait until canon... well... that would be a spoiler. Just know I have a plan! Also I haven't actually read the manga but I really want to when I find the time. But I do want to go all the way with this story. Or at least until the end of season 3. Big plans.
Zuho.Snose: I'm so glad you liked the chapter! It really was a long time coming. I'm glad it got some weight off your chest too lol. And I totally agree it would be interesting to see a different reality where Dilan got the news and the letter right after Farlans death. So many things would be different. It would have been Levi teaching her how to get stronger. Perhaps her relationship with Erwin would have been better some how. A lot to consider there but it is interesting to think about. Maybe after I finish this story I'll write a short what-if story about them for fun and post it if isn't crap. Thanks for your dedication to this story. I hope to keep hearing from you!
Misscandyliciousss: (Hope I spelled that right) Hi! I loved hearing from you! Thanks for commenting! You've been with me on this story from the beginning and I'm so glad you're still reading. Sorry for keeping on on the edge so long but we finally made it!
Moonyslibrary: Yo! Thanks for your comment! I love hearing people's thoughts and theories. I'm so glad I didn't disappoint on the reveal! I'm sure it's pretty obvious by now but I am very much into drama so I wanted to make that forest scene as dramatic as possible. I'm glad everyone liked it. Don't worry at all about not commenting much, it's enough that you continued following along with my story this long! It means so much that you like my story so thank you for sticking around. As for your theory... I can neither confirm nor deny how accurate it is but you totally have bragging rights if you end up actually calling it. We'll just have to wait and see won't we?
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Feel no pressure to reply to any of these! I just wanted to show some appreciation for sticking around so long! I wish I had the time to reply to more but I really should stop putting off work now so I'll just say I love you all! Hopefully I'll be able to respond to more of your comments in the future! Thanks for reading! X