WARNING: Mentions of underage drinking. If that makes you uncomfortable, then just skip this chapter.
Chapter 45: Christmas cheer.
Today it's a snow day. Not only that, but it's Christmas too! Now… it's not like we get to take the rest of the day off just because it's snowing outside, I mean, Luna Nova is a boarding school, and so we don't have to travel in order to get to our classes. However, today it's fortunately a Saturday, so I can just take Croix on a date to town.
Well… it's not really a date, I guess? I didn't specifically ask her out on a date; I simply said I wanted to go to town and she decided to tag along. But… I mean, we're girlfriends, so… does that make every one of our outings a date? Even if it's just us walking around in the snow? Is that romantic? Is everything we do romantic now? How does that even work?!
I… I'm still trying to figure this whole 'girlfriends' thing out to be honest.
It's been a bit easier since our trip to Rome a few weeks ago, since Croix no longer has to worry about meeting her birth mother, and I have noticed she appears to be a little more relaxed now. Sure, sometimes she still gets lost in thought, and there are days when she's particularly… Well… Apathetic.
I don't blame her, of course. I know it must have been a traumatic experience for her and that she'll probably take years to fully heal, if she heals at all, but at least now she seems to be in a better spot, and our relationship has improved thanks to this.
Point is… now I'm with my girlfriend in a (maybe) date at Blytonbury, walking along the snowy streets and looking at the many houses and shops decorated with Christmas lights and mistletoe and reindeer and Santa Clauses and snow men and pine trees… all those things that make me feel warm and fuzzy even in the coldest winter.
"I don't like snow." Croix interrupts my thoughts right then. I turn to look at her and realize she's shivering slightly. "It's… too cold."
"It can be fun too." I answer as I grab her hand in order to help harm it up. She intertwines our fingers and smiles with amusement.
"You mean… building snowmen and having snowball fights and such?"
"Sure." I shrug. "But I guess snow also reminds me of Christmas, which is my favorite holiday." At my words she shoots me a weird look.
"You… celebrate Christmas?" She asks incredulously.
"Yeah!" I answer naturally. "You don't?"
"Of course not!" She exclaims, like I am the weird one for celebrating it. "I… it's a religious holiday! Do you even believe in God?"
"Well…" I pause, mulling over my answer. "Not their god, exactly." I end up saying. I mean… I don't really know enough about the Christian God to say that I believe in him. "But I like the idea of there being someone or something looking over us you know? A force of good that created this world and continues to guide it towards a better place."
"I… see." She pauses, furrowing her eyebrows. "Like… Destiny? Nature? Magic? Something like that?"
"Perhaps." I shrug. "I mean… I really haven't put much thought into it." I chuckle sheepishly. "Really, I only celebrate Christmas because me and my aunt like to decorate the house and put up a tree and open presents on Christmas Eve… all that good stuff."
"Yeah… my mom has always been very strict about us not celebrating the 'holiday of a religion that cost so many witches' lives'." She sighs. "I'll be honest, I was kinda disappointed at first because at the orphanage we didn't exactly get to have a proper holiday celebration, and I was hoping to finally have a real Christmas once I was adopted, but… yeah."
"We could celebrate!" I suggest, noticing that she looks a bit upset about the memories she's recalling. "We could decorate the Luna Nova tower, and drink hot chocolate and watch Christmas movies and all that!"
"W-what?" Her eyes widen and she stops dead in her tracks, looking at me like I'm crazy. "The teachers will kill us!"
"Only if they find out." I smile mischievously.
"I…" She sighs and then shakes her head, smiling in amusement. "You're terrible."
"Yeah? Well, then I guess we're just meant for each other." I shoot back, giving her a cheeky smile.
"Come here, you dummy." She grabs my waist and pulls me towards her, joining my lips with her own in a tender kiss. I can even feel her smile as our lips dance together, and I bet she can feel mine too. This simple action is enough to warm me up from the inside out, and to make me forget about the cold snow landing on my hair, my clothes and even my face. Suddenly, I feel so warm that I fear the snow might start evaporating all around us.
When we separate, however, the snow is still there and my girlfriend is giving me that loving look that never fails to make my knees feel weak. It's so soft and tender and… ugh, I just want to kiss her again! And to just keep on kissing her until our lips get swollen and we're out of breath.
But… that will have to wait for later. Right now we have some Christmas shopping to do.
"How did you convince me this was a good idea, again?" Croix grunts as she balances on top of a chair in order to put up some Christmas lights on the wall.
"Oh, I just smiled at you and you became completely hypnotized by my beauty." I joke, pausing what I'm doing to bat my eyelashes at her. She blushes and looks away with a flustered expression, trying to focus on the lights again.
Gosh, she's truly adorable! I just want to hug her, but… that'll have to wait until I'm done decorating this tree. It shouldn't take long, however; we could only afford a very small artificial tree that can only really decorate the desk, but hey, it's better than nothing, right?
We also bought a few figurines representing Santa Claus, a couple of reindeer and a snowman. Mostly plastic, very cheap and… fragile-looking, but in this case I really think we should prioritize quantity over quality, given it'll probably be the first and last time we'll celebrate Christmas together in Luna Nova, since she'll be graduating in about six months.
All in all, after spending the whole day shopping and decorating, the interior of the Astronomy tower finally has that Christmas feel to it; filled to the brim with colorful lights, garlands and spheres. Now all we need is to cuddle in front of a fire, holding warm cups of Chocolate as we watch cheesy Christmas movies! Now, that'd be a perfect celebration!
"Croix, you have a TV, right?" I ask once she's done setting up the lights.
"Several. Why?"
I smile mischievously as I unpack the last Christmas item on my bag. The "Home Alone" movie.
"Because now it's movie time!"
To my surprise, Croix doesn't protest and we do end up watching the movie together, as we cuddle on the couch under a warm blanket- er… hoodie, actually. Croix doesn't have blankets in here. Also there's no fireplace, so that's out of the question too, but… At least I was able to make hot chocolate for both of us to drink while watching! And we also ate some cookies that I bought in town.
"Well, that was fun!" Croix says as she gets up to turn off the TV. "I really liked the kid and his variety of inventions! He has potential to be a mass murderer."
"Uhh… it's just a cute Christmas movie!" I protest, baffled that that's what she took from it.
"I'm just saying." She shrugs. "They could turn this into a horror series." She laughs. "Hey, maybe it's secretly the prequel to Saw!"
"Saw?" I tilt my head. I've never heard of that.
"Huh. I really need to get you to watch horror movies."
"Maybe some other time." I quickly answer. I really don't want her to ruin the Christmas spirit with such things.
"Alright, alright." She says, placing the movie on the desk before coming to sit by my side once more. "But we will do it, alright?"
"Sure!" I agree. After all, it's not fair that I made her watch one of my favorite movies if I'm not going to watch hers as well, right? Even if horror movies aren't really my thing.
She nods, then pauses, looking around at the decorations before her eyes land on me once more.
"So… this is what Christmas feels like, huh?" She says after a few seconds. "I gotta admit it's kinda… Nice."
"Yeah. I always used to celebrate it with my aunt back home." I answer. "Until I got to Luna Nova and, well… we don't get a winter break here, unfortunately." I sigh. "I wonder what she might be doing now."
"And… this is what you usually did? Cuddle and watch movies?"
"Yeah! Sometimes make cookies too." I smile happily at the memories. "My aunt is really nice, you know? I really think you should meet her. I believe you two would get along."
"Maybe." She answers, a bit unsure and… nervous?
"I promise she's nice!" I insist. "And she says she'd love to meet you."
"I said maybe." She frowns and looks away uncomfortably. I take it as a sign to drop the subject… for now at least.
"Alright." I sigh, choosing to remain silent as I watch the lights' colors change at the rhythm of whatever Christmas song they're playing. I like the weird sound they emit, even if it's a little too high-pitched to sound good. It gives me a nostalgic feeling, and reminds me of my childhood; of the many winters I spent making snowmen during the day and watching the Christmas lights in the night until I fell asleep. It brings a smile to my face.
"Thank you." Croix says after a few seconds, but I just look at her, confused by her sudden show of gratitude. "For doing all of this." She clarifies, gesturing to the decorated room around us. "For helping me experience a real Christmas."
"Well… I don't know if this is a real Christmas, but it's my version of Christmas, at least." I answer. "And you really don't have to thank me! I didn't do it just for you, after all."
"Still. Thank you." She then leans forward and places her lips on my forehead just a few seconds, leaving me feeling all fuzzy inside and with a goofy love-struck smile on my face.
"If we ever live together, I'll be sure to decorate our home for Christmas every year. Just for you." I say impulsively, and then I can't help wondering if I'm being a little too forward. To my relief, however, she seems mostly amused at my suggestion.
"Aren't we technically living together?" She chuckles.
"You know what I mean." I roll my eyes. "I want us to have a nice place of our own in the future. Maybe a witching apartment, like yours."
"You mean… after you graduate?"
"Yeah! I don't know, I just… I want to be with you for a long time." I blush at my own words, but I don't take them back. It is how I feel, and I won't lie about it.
"If this is you proposing you'll have to do better than this." She laughs.
"W-what? No! This… uh… I-"
"Calm down." She gives me a peck on the lips before flashing me a dashing smile. "I'm just messing with you!"
"You meanie." I pout.
"That said, although I do want to be with you for a long time as well, I don't think this is the time to be worrying about the future."
"You're probably right." I admit, recognizing my own advice now reflected towards me.
"Now it's the time to celebrate." She says before getting up the couch and apparently going to search for something in the bags she brought from our trip to the town. "I understand that people usually have a big dinner for Christmas, right?"
"Uhh… yeah?" Oh no. Please tell me she didn't buy a ton of instant ramen for our Christmas dinner.
"Well… I can't really afford that, unless you want instant ramen, but… I bought this." She turns to face me again, and is now holding in her hand a… wine bottle. She… she really went and bought a whole wine bottle.
"Croix, I-I… I'm seventeen." I say nervously. Mainly because I have never gotten drunk. Sure, I've drank wine a few times, but never enough to make me tipsy, and a whole bottle for just the two of us is sure to affect me. I doubt Croix will let me take only a sip.
"Only for a couple more months." She shrugs, clearly unbothered by the idea of an underage girl drinking alcohol. "Besides, you live in a vineyard! You've probably drank wine already."
"I… I guess one cup won't hurt…" I end up agreeing sheepishly. A part of me is really curious about what getting actually drunk would feel like, plus… I'm with Croix! The worse that could happen is that we fall asleep here and wake up tomorrow with a hangover and a sore back, right? I trust her not to do anything crazy, even while intoxicated. Maybe. Hopefully the school will be still in one piece tomorrow.
"Sorry, I don't have wine glasses." She says apologetically as she sits down next to me and hands me a teacup full of red wine.
"It's alright." I chuckle, taking it. Then, as Croix pours her own cup of wine, I take a moment to observe the color and texture, which… yeah, seems alright for a red wine. Very deep blood red. And now the smell… huh. It smells a little too sweet, and doesn't seem to have much body to it. How much time did they ferment it? Did they even include some stems in it or just the grapes? I wonder if it was made in actual wooden barrels or some industrialized machine.
"Chariot." I look up to see Croix staring at me with an amused expression. "You're supposed to drink it, not have a staring contest with it."
"Huh? Oh, sorry, it's just… a habit." I chuckle, and she smiles in amusement before lifting up her cup like she's making a toast.
"For the magic." She says.
"For us." I counter her toast, touching my cup with hers.
"Cheesy." She snorts, and then proceeds to drink the wine in one gulp like a barbarian. I just roll my eyes and taste it cautiously.
Yeah, it's just like I expected it; too sweet, not enough fermentation time, no strong aftertaste… Ugh, this might as well be grape juice, geez!
"Wow… this honestly tastes better than I expected." Croix says, unsurprisingly.
"Says the one who eats instant ramen all the time." I tease.
"What's that supposed to mean?" She pouts adorably.
"That you have no taste, that's all." I shrug, and take another sip of the wine. It's not terrible, after all, and Croix did go through the trouble of buying it for us, so I might as well drink it.
"Oh? And I guess you do?" She looks at me incredulously as she pours more wine into her cup.
"Yes." I simply answer, smiling cheekily. "I mean, I did fall in love with you, didn't I?"
"Wha-" She blushes, stutters a few unintelligible words and then proceeds to drink more wine in an attempt to distract herself. Gosh, she's cute!
"Ahem." She coughs, trying to regain her composure. "I-I mean… yeah, I guess that's a good point." She then shakes her head and hastily pours herself yet another cup of wine. "But, if we go with that argument… I have the best taste here." She shoots me a nervous smile that makes her look absolutely adorable with the way her cheeks are now a very pretty shade of red. I suddenly feel myself blushing again, and find myself having to divert my gaze, with my eyes landing on the wine that's still in my cup.
Deciding to just go with it, I drink it until my cup is empty and leave it on the couch between us. Unfortunately, Croix takes this as her cue to refill it.
"Uhm… I don't want to get drunk…" I say hesitantly, not taking my cup.
"You won't." She rolls her eyes, pushing it into my hands anyways. "Aren't you super muscular or something? I'm pretty sure that, the more muscles you have, the more alcohol you have to drink to get drunk."
"That… is that actually true?" I kinda want to find out, if I'm being honest. I mean… I'm not extremely muscular (I don't look like a buff guy at least), but it is true that I've gotten pretty strong lately, and my body has become more… toned. The hint of a six pack is even beginning to show! And my arms have little to no softness in them anymore, so… yeah, I'd say I'm muscular. And Croix isn't. So if we drank the same amount of alcohol, she'd get drunk but I wouldn't, right?
"It has something to do with muscles retaining more water than fat, which helps dilute the alcohol in your body." She shrugs. "There are probably better ways to explain it, but my head is starting to feel kinda fuzzy already."
"You noodle." I snort. "You're such a lightweight." And so, ignoring the voice inside my head telling me this is a bad idea, I take a big gulp of wine, finishing the cup in one go. "More." I demand.
"Now we're talking." She smirks, filling my cup one more time before going to drink more herself, which… actually I don't know if that's a good idea since she's starting to slur her words.
"Are you… still feeling alright?" I ask cautiously.
"Sure! Why? Getting lightheaded?" She smirks mockingly.
"Hah! As if." To prove my point, I empty my cup again before taking the bottle off her hands and pouring myself another cup. Surprisingly, I don't even spill one single drop! I'm actually feeling okay even after drinking more alcohol in these past five minutes than in my whole life. Guess muscles do help, huh?
"See?" I puff out my chest proudly. "I'm completely fine."
I was expecting her to laugh on my face or question the validity of my statement, but quite a few seconds pass and Croix still doesn't answer, so I look at her and found her teal eyes looking back at me intently, in such a way that makes my cheeks flush and my heart flutter.
"Uh… Croix?" I chuckle nervously.
"You're beautiful!" She gasps in awe, placing a hesitant hand over my cheek. "I'm such a lucky bastard."
"A-ah… I-I… uh…" I stutter, unsure of what to say or do. I notice her dilated pupils, her eyes glancing at my mouth every few seconds, and her partially parted lips. She wants to kiss me. No. She wants to devour me. I have never seen such devotion and desire in just one expression.
"Croix… you're drunk." I end up saying. Sure, we're girlfriends, but I've never seen her act like… this. She's usually more reserved.
"So are you." She giggles cutely, beaming at me in a way that makes butterflies appear in my stomach. Oh gosh, she is too beautiful! I can't look away…
"N-no, I'm-" Whatever I was going to say, gets completely forgotten when Croix presses her lips against mine fervently. I unconsciously let out a pleasant shudder as I drop my cup and wrap my arms around her neck, pulling her closer to me in an almost desperate way. I just can't help it! It's almost like I'm under a love spell, except I know this has nothing to do with magic. Not literally. Although being in love does feel magical.
But… it's not just love. It's not just the warm feeling I get on my chest whenever I lay my eyes on my beloved Croix. No, there's another sensation that I don't fully know how to describe. It's more… intense, and raw, and… wild. Like comparing a roaring flame to candlelight. I fear it might consume me.
My whole body feels warmer than usual, despite the cold temperature outside, and I also find myself doing things that I haven't really done before without Croix taking the initiative. I use my tongue to kiss her, and to my delight she answers enthusiastically, grabbing my waist and pulling me closer, before flipping our positions so that I'm lying on the couch with her fully on top of me, every inch of our bodies touching. I don't even know why, but I wrap my legs around her waist, trying to get even more contact. There's… certain areas of my body that are literally aching for contact, but I don't pause to think what this means or why my head is suddenly a mess and I can only think "closer, closer, closer".
I'm fully enjoying myself and I don't want this to end. But then…
Huh.
Croix's hand suddenly finds the hem of my shirt and lifts it up just enough to get under it. And she starts directly caressing the skin on my waist, slowly moving upwards, giving me enough time to stop her.
And the scary part is… a part of me doesn't really want to stop her, even if now I have fully realized her intentions. A part of me does want to give myself fully to Croix, in every way possible. I want to claim her as mine, just as much as I want her to claim me as hers.
The other part of me, however, is absolutely terrified. I have never… I haven't even imagined what something like that would be like. I don't know how two women would even do it! I have heard that it's pleasant but also that it's painful. I have heard that it something normal, but also that it's shameful. And, silly me, I thought I wouldn't have to worry about it for a long, long time. Yet here I am; presented with the possibility and frozen like a deer in headlights.
My two sides are in conflict with each other, fighting to take control, but Croix's fingers seem to have the power to light my skin on fire. A pleasant fire that makes me overwhelmed, and my head loses its ability to think properly.
Except, my fearful side decides to take the initiative and hastily pushes her away. I then get up from the couch in one swift movement and back away a few steps, gasping for air and desperately trying to clear my hazy mind.
"Chariot?" Croix asks carefully. She looks hurt, but also concerned for me.
"S-sorry!" I quickly say, and it feels like my mouth is spewing out the words before my brain can fully think of them. "I-I… I, uhm… I need to go! To the bathroom. Right now."
And with that, I take off running like my life depends on it, exiting the room and quickly descending the stairs of the Astronomy tower… except I miscalculate a step and end up falling down and having to cling to the railing so that I don't end up rolling down the rest of the way. But still… I'm pretty sure I'll get a few bruises on my side and my back.
Well… I get more with my training for strengthening magic, so this is nothing. What has me concerned, however, is that when I try to calm down and carefully place my feet on each step of the stairwell… I notice that the floor feels like it's moving. Well, not quite. More like my depth perception is a bit off, and trying to adjust, but never actually going back to normal. And also… my sense of equilibrium is distorted, as if I was in a ship in the middle of the ocean instead of solid ground.
Am I… drunk? As I stumble through the hallway and towards the nearest bathroom, the answer seems pretty obvious. I hadn't felt the effects until now, but it seems pretty clear that that's what's happening. Ugh. I knew I shouldn't have accepted to drink that much wine!
It was fun, I'll admit, but I feel so weird! And what happened earlier with Croix… was it because of the alcohol?
I open the faucet and splash some water on my face, attempting to placate the fire I still feel inside my entire body. It does help, and I slowly feel my racing heart going back to normal, but… gosh, my head is still spinning and I'm pretty sure it's not just because I'm intoxicated.
I look up at the mirror and meet my own terrified gaze, as well as my flustered cheeks now wet with cold water. Do I have a fever? I don't think so, but it definitely seems like it. Gosh, even my hair is disheveled, and I look frantic. I need to… I need to breathe first of all. In and out, in and out. Okay, let's just… organize my thoughts for a moment.
We… we really were… we were going to…? I didn't imagine it, right? I didn't misinterpret the situation. Croix really wanted to…? And I… I…
Did I want it as well? I don't really know. Maybe. Possibly. I have… I've never thought about it before. They taught me about it in school, sure, but it never really felt like it concerned me, or like it was something I'd experience in the near future. What really scares me, however, is how easily I was about to say "yes", to give myself to Croix, to… to just do it without even thinking about it first. Oh gosh. That was so weird!
The first time I seriously think about sex is when I'm seconds away from experiencing it. Great.
…
Do I even want to…? Like, ever?
I… I don't really know. Maybe. But… definitely not now. Not yet. And I probably shouldn't be thinking about it when I'm still technically drunk.
Now the hard part will be going back to the tower and pretending like nothing happened. Will Croix be mad? I certainly hope not, but I can't really blame her if she is. I wonder if she'll realize this is all thanks in part to the alcohol. I just… I have to be brave and go back there and hope nothing weird happens again.
I arrive to the top of the Astronomy tower with my heart racing and the butterflies on my stomach fluttering wildly. Ugh, what am I even going to tell Croix? How will she react? I almost don't want to cross the door, but… leaving her all alone for the rest of the night with no explanation will ultimately be worse in the long run, so… I steel my nerves and walk in.
The room is illuminated only by the Christmas lights and the moonlight coming from the window, so it takes me a moment to find her, but once my eyes adjust to the dim environment, I see her standing up on the balcony, next to the window like she's deep in contemplation. I sigh as I take a hesitant step forward and clear my throat before closing the door behind me.
"H-hey." I call, walking towards the stairs.
"Chariot." She turns around, startled, and that's when I see she has something in her hand… a small object with light of its own. Blue light.
"Uhm… I'm back…" I say awkwardly.
"Great! I'm… I'm still here." She answers just as awkwardly. I start climbing up the stairs and then stop once I'm next to her. My gaze shifts up and down, from her eyes to my feet, as I prepare myself to speak.
"So… about earlier-"
"Sorry." She cuts me off. "Things got out of line." Croix sighs. "I got out of line."
"No! No, listen, I…" What am I even trying to say? Ugh, this would be easier if I wasn't still kinda drunk. "I didn't mind, but… it was… weird? And… overwhelming and… I wasn't ready."
"Me neither." She admits with a shy smile. "I… it's not the right time yet."
"Yeah." I laugh, relieved that we're on the same page. "Maybe some other time?"
"When the circumstances are more romantic and we're not drunk, you mean?" She laughs as well and I join her, but… it still feels a bit awkward, especially when the laughter dies down and the silence stretches. I decide to change the subject.
"So… what's that?" I ask her, pointing at the blue thingy on her hands.
"Huh? This?" She lifts up the object, showing a black cube with blue light coming out of it. Is it… some kind of toy? "It's just… a new idea I had. Relatively new, anyways." When I tilt my head in confusion, she clears her throat as she prepares to explain. "Basically, these little cubes work with magic energy, from the Sorcerer's stone, and I can control them remotely using my wand and cellphone… although I'm still working on the details." She chuckles. "I'm also experimenting with the colors they can emit."
"And… what do they do?"
"Wanna see?" She smiles mischievously, and I can only nod in response. I love it when she shows me her new inventions!
She takes her cellphone out of her pocket and her wand out of her sash, joining them with some kind of holder that had already been installed on the cellphone. Then, she simply presses a button and… wow.
Instantly, dozens of little cubes appear from all around her lab, converging in front of us and forming… a dragon? A small one, sure, but it definitely resembles the real thing, and not only that! It starts flying around the room, changing colors from blue to green, to red. It definitely fits with the Christmas atmosphere! But… it seems familiar somehow… almost like…
"Wait… the Samhain dragon… it was you, wasn't it?!"
"So what if I was?" She smirks.
"Croix!" I exclaim, absolutely baffled that she'd do something like that, but not surprised at all.
"What? I couldn't let you get expelled." She shrugs, unapologetic.
"B-but… what if someone got hurt?" I argue.
"It was a calculated risk." She answers, still very much proud of her actions. "Like I said, I'd rather hurt one or two students than not do everything in my power to help you stay at Luna Nova."
"I-I… you're unbelievable!" I exclaim, but still blush at her words and what they implied. She really… wow. I'm so lucky to have her, but I still wouldn't want her to hurt anyone just to help me.
"But you love me." She smirks again, placing her cellphone on her left hand before wrapping her right arm around my waist and pulling me closer. Now our noses are almost touching and her deep green eyes are staring right into mine behind the crystals of her glasses.
"I do, but… promise me you'll never do something like that again." I try to remain firm even as my legs turn to jelly under her intent stare, so full of love and desire.
"I can make no promises."
And with a kiss, all my future protests are swiftly and efficiently silenced.
A/N: What's that? A Christmas special in the middle of March? You bet! Why? Well, it's december in the story, so why not? XD. Anyways, I really hope you liked it and that you leave a review/favorite/follow if you want to support me. Thanks for reading!
Thanks to my beta reader moonwatcher13.