Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars or any of its associated characters; they all belong to their respective owners. I only own any characters or plotlines that you do not recognize.
Foreword: Big, big thanks to RJ North who did a beta read of the first half of this chapter for me! You helped me through my anxiety induced writer's block!
46. "Children of the Force" (pt. 2)
"The Chancellor wants a report on our progress," Windu informed.
It took every ounce of energy that Elara had not to groan. Even on her best day, dealing with the Chancellor was difficult. So now, on one of the worst day's she'd ever suffered through, the suggestion of dealing with the smarmy old man made her want to evac herself out of an airlock. Instead of groan, Elara allowed herself a chance to roll her eyes. They were filing into the hangar bay with a squadron of troopers escorting Bane ahead of them. With Windu and Obi-Wan a couple paces ahead of her, she knew she was safe to outwardly display her quiet discontent.
"Tell him this is not Republic business," Obi-Wan said firmly. He swept a hand through the air, as though it settled the matter. "It's an internal Jedi affair."
For the first time in the last forty-some hours, Elara wholeheartedly agreed with him on something. Palpatine would, on occasion, pop in and request updates on Jedi business. Often times said report was given, as whatever he'd asked about pertained to the Senate, a planet teetering on the edge of sedition, or a matter of the Grand Army of the Republic. But this was a wholly Jedi matter. There was no reason for him to be poking his nose in this.
"I'm sorry to disagree," piped up Anakin, "but as long as the Jedi are acting as a military, we should report to the Chancellor––even on internal matters such as this."
They'd all come to a stop when Anakin had started his gentle protestations. Obi-Wan quirked an eyebrow at him, the corner of his mouth just barely lifting into some kind of slight smirk.
"Well then, I guess you just volunteered to go," he said. "Give the Chancellor my regards."
Anakin's eyebrows shot towards his hairline at the realization that he'd just sidelined himself for this mission. "Now wait a minute––"
"I agree," Windu interrupted. "Report back here when you're finished."
Both men continued towards the shuttle, though Elara hung back with her brother, mouth twisting down at the corners.
"This could be a trap, Master. You sure you don't need us to go?" Anakin asked. He gestured to Ahsoka, who also looked a little put-out at being relegated to the sidelines.
Windu turned a smirking look over his shoulder. "Of course it's a trap, Skywalker."
"I will contact you when we find the children," Obi-Wan added.
With a jerk of his head, Windu nodded for Elara to join them. "Come along––unless you would also rather speak with the Chancellor?"
Elara inclined her head and then gave it a slight shake. "I'll be along in a moment." She then turned to a rather defeated looking Anakin and placed a hand on his arm. He looked at her inquiringly, and she fought to find the right thing to say. The right words. The ones that tripped forward to the tip of her tongue were simply, "Be careful."
There was a snort as he looked at her. He arched a wry eyebrow and folded both arms over his chest. "You're asking me to be careful? You're the one willingly walking into a trap. I'm playing messenger… you've got no reason to worry about me. It's just the Chancellor," he said with a shrug.
"Yes," Elara agreed flatly. "Just the Chancellor."
For all of the apprehensions she held for Palpatine, her brother held none. The two had grown close. The aging man had become a kind of mentor to Anakin; but not in the way that Obi-Wan had been. The Chancellor had become a paternal presence to the younger Skywalker, and though that didn't sit quite right with Elara, she understood how it happened. For all their lives, both Skywalkers had lacked any sort of fatherly figure. When they'd joined the Jedi Order, Anakin had still been very young, and had still actively craved that missing sort of attention. Elara had, in a way, found it in Yoda; but it was evident that Obi-Wan, to Anakin, was much more of a brotherly presence. Obi-Wan had, quite honestly, too young to take on such a role. Though Elara had to wonder that had Qui-Gon not met his untimely fate, would he have taken on such a role? Surely he would have. There had been a gentle, nurturing kindness to him; the kind of man that was willing to encourage, but unafraid to reprimand. The kind of attitude that she would've expected a father to have.
But Qui-Gon had met his fate on Naboo. Obi-Wan had become Anakin's mentor, and there truly couldn't have been a better match. But it had left that fatherly position wide open––and that's when Palpatine swept in with his bountiful encouragements. Anakin had clung to the praise with brilliant smiles and preened at the attention. It was clear that the man tried to offer the same kind of connection to Elara, but her wariness had prevented her from accepting it. By the time that wariness had grown into suspicion, she realized that she'd allowed her brother to get much too close to the man. That was how Elara found herself in the trick position of figuring out how and when to tell Anakin of her apprehensions. They still felt unfounded, and she knew that he would defend Palpatine valiantly. The man was, in a way, one of his oldest friends. So it was all that Elara could do to say 'be careful.' It was neither the time nor place to express such concerns… concerns that only piled another heap of stress onto her already aching shoulders.
Anakin nudged Elara with his elbow. "Go on. Don't wanna keep them waiting." He quickly drew her in for a hug, which she melted into with ease.
The familiarity of the embrace had her wanting to linger there forever. For in that hug, every ounce of stress seemed to wash away, and everything felt right again. Nothing about Anakin's embrace had changed. Nothing about him had changed. Of the two people that she was closest with, he was the one that hadn't seemed to have a personality swap. This was still her snarky, eye-rolling, smirk giving little brother. Elara squeezed him a little tighter, quirked her head into the crook of his neck a little more. For the first time since all of this mess had started, she felt her eyes start to sting. She clamped them shut to force the threat of tears back. Everything in her life had been so thrown off kilter, that to have Anakin as a constant, as an anchor––it meant so much to her.
"Stay safe, Lari," he murmured.
"You too, Ani," she murmured back. When she withdrew from the embrace, she pressed a kiss to his cheek, eyebrows scrunched together. It was a bit longer than a quick peck, and it had him chuckling gently. Elara smiled up at him softly, and then turned it over to Ahsoka. "You keep him in line for me, alright?"
Ahsoka brightened up a little and nodded her assent.
With that, Elara turned to follow her comrades towards the T-6 shuttle that waited up ahead. She was very ready to reach the conclusion of this mission, which felt never ending. It had drained much of what energy she had managed to regain; and that energy had been fragile at best. Everything from letting Bane escape three times, to the smarting tension between herself and Obi-Wan had exhausted her. The minute those children were safe and the holocron was back at the Temple––Elara was requesting at least a few days to recuperate. If he didn't, she'd be absolutely useless on whatever mission they'd put her on next. She'd be hazy brained and likely delirious, pushing herself far past the point of overexertion to get the job done. And that wouldn't benefit anybody.
That––and things between her and Obi-Wan had to get figured out. They had to. They were already in dangerous territory, stumbling over one another––literally––and butting heads heatedly and constantly. If it was left to fester any longer, she was sure it would destroy them. It would drive them crazy and drive them further apart, and that was the last thing that she wanted. At this point, letting Obi-Wan go was not an option. They had to come up with a compromise of some sort at least. At best… they could come up with a solution that would be beneficial to the both of them. One that didn't have them glaring at each other or snarking at each other at every possible moment.
Once Elara was inside the shuttle, the door was sealed shut behind her. She shuffled into the cockpit where everyone had convened. Windu sat in the pilot's seat, engaging the take-off sequence now that everyone was on board. Primly sat in the co-pilot's seat was Obi-Wan, who pressed a button every so often at Windu's behest. She came to stand between the passenger's seats, both of her hands coming to grasp the back of each. Bane sat in the seat to her right, and Commander Cody was to her right. The Commander moved to stand and offer her his seat, but she waved him off with a quick, thankful smile. He jerked his head in a nod and re-seated himself. In this instance, the idea of sitting made Elara feel inactive, and inactivity spurred thought, and her thoughts, as of late, bred anxiety. Standing would do just fine.
"Coordinates?" Windu asked once they'd exited The Negotiator. All around them hung the landscape of space, dozens of stars gleaming gently against the vast black expanse.
"The coordinates are 67–31–17, cross 7RB71," Bane dictated.
Elara attempted to mentally calculate just where those coordinates would drop them… and when she came to her conclusion, her eyebrows furrowed. The grid unit of 'R' was familiar––that was home territory for her. "That's in the Outer Rim, isn't it?" she asked.
"The far Outer Rim," Obi-Wan both agreed and corrected. He turned a slow look over his shoulder to the bounty hunter seated behind him. There was an undeniably suspicious gleam in his blue eyes. "Neutral Space."
Bane cocked his head to the side. "Do you want your holocron and your kids back or not?" he drawled.
There was only a brief pause before Windu reached for a lever and pressed it forward. With a whir, the hyperdrive engaged and the stars around them started to pull in to drawn-out streaks of white. At the height of the whirring, a flash of light blasted across the cockpit's canopy, and the undulating brightness of hyperspace warbled around them. An almost dutiful silence descended upon the cockpit. It was a kind of determined, concentrated quiet, the likes of which betrayed that Elara wasn't the only one that wanted this mission done and over with. Everyone in that ship––save for Bane––would be very relieved once the holocron was back in the safety of the vault, and the children were back with their families. Most of everything will have returned to normal, then, and that would be a major relief.
Elara allowed her eyes to drift close. They stung as her eyelids fell shut, a testament to the exhaustion that had settled over her. With a slow, deep breath, she tried to slip into a meditative state. Something that would bring her some sliver of peace of mind, which would allow her to see this mission through to the end safely. A tentative calm started to gather around her; the smoothness of the energy was almost intoxicating. After days of living in the erratic highs and lows of tension, it felt like a breath of fresh air. Her shoulders started to drop, the furrow between her eyebrows started to lessen… and then Bane spoke.
"So what does a Jedi have to do to incur a bounty?"
Elara's eyes snapped open at the comment. The air in the cockpit was markedly more tense than before. For a moment all she did was stare out at the flash of hyperspace. At the edges of her vision, she saw both Windu and Obi-Wan twist around in their seats towards the bounty hunter. The atmosphere inside the cockpit shifted drastically. It went cold, almost. Drastically, noticeably, frigidly tense. And then, slowly, Elara looked down and over at Bane. His eyes were narrowed up at her in the slightest, and there was a knowing curl to the corner of his mouth. That look of his, it had her hackles raising. It was quietly knowing, the sort of look someone gave when they knew something that someone else didn't.
"How do you know about that?" she asked. Her voice had come out quieter than intended. It was a startled murmur, something that caused the smirk on the Duros' face to grow. Bane proceeded to snort as though the question were stupid. It had her hold on the back of his seat tightening.
"You're the only Jedi currently in the bounty database." He leaned towards her with a predatory slowness, which had Cody shifting forward in his own seat––Elara could tell by the slight clatter of shifting plastoid. "I know your face."
Something about that comment sent a cold shiver along Elara's spine. When Hondo had revealed the bounty on her head, it had come as a shock. The repercussions of it were not lost on her. It would make visiting seedier planets and places more dangerous for her. It made dealing with seedier folks more difficult. It had her face circulating through the galaxy, potentially sabotaging future undercover missions. And yet it somehow struck her oddly hard that 'he knew her face.' That there were others out there––stars knew how many––that knew it too. That would recognize her from a distance, that knew her name and a number of her personal details. It felt like an invasion of privacy, it felt wrong.
"You wanna enlighten us on some details?" Windu asked in a low deadpan.
Bane's gaze swiveled towards the Master Jedi, who he proceeded to shake his head at. There was a blaséness to the action, as though he no longer feared being under the thumb of three Force wielders. Three Jedi who had nearly torn his mind to bits in an effort to get him to do what they wanted. It seemed like a gamble to antagonize them; but it appeared it was a risk he was willing to take.
"That is not what I'm here to do," he reminded.
"Need I remind you whose custody you're in?" Obi-Wan posed clippedly. Dangerously, almost, as though the question were a threat. There was a familiar bite of protectiveness in his voice, the likes of which she'd not heard as of late.
Elara briefly darted her eyes towards Obi-Wan and found that there was a near snarl on his face. Despite the severeness of his expression and the heat of his words, she felt a flush of warmth surge through her body. It was followed by a spark of hope, which burned impossibly, distractingly bright. Their exchanges as of late had been so acrid, that it would have been easy to believe that they'd grown to hate one another. But to hear that edge of protectiveness, even for a moment––it lent her the hope that things just might be salvageable. And that was a hope that she'd honestly and sadly lost sight of.
"Such a loyal guard dog you have," Bane commented. Her attention swiveled back towards the bounty hunter, who was now smirking forward at Obi-Wan. The Jedi's lips proceeded to twist in displeasure, and something sharp flashed through his eyes.
"I don't know what I've done to incur a bounty," Elara openly admitted. She then pulled her hand from the back of Cody's seat and grasped the arm of Bane's. This allowed her to lean towards and over him, a quietly intimidating gesture. At least, it might've been intimidating to some; all Bane did was stare up at her boredly, seeingly unimpressed. "I would think you'd be more willing to cooperate. Was it not twenty minutes ago your mind was nearly shattered?"
The question had been asked calmly, though brazenly. Elara expected for a reprimanding bite of 'Skywalker' from Windu––but it didn't come. Instead, silence hung in the air, thick and heavy. She continued to stare Bane down with a growing intensity, looming over the manacled bounty hunter. The blasé aspect of his expression started to fade. It grew a hair more wary as it hardened. It was like he was trying to glean whether or not she was actually threatening him with another Force fueled interrogation. With a quiet sneer starting to pull at his lips, Bane settled back into his seat, shoulders rolling stiffly.
"It's like I said," he started in a begrudging grumble, "I know your face. Anyone who frequents the database does. It's not often someone offers a million credits for the capture of one Jedi."
Elara's eyebrows shot skyward at the mention of the bounty price. Her throat went dry as words squeaked out of it. "One million credits?" The last time she'd been privy of the bounty, it had been half of that. It would seem whoever was looking for her was really looking to spur interest.
"Yes, a million. Still too little if you ask me. No one will touch a bounty like that when the risk outweighs the reward. Whoever's paying needs to reevaluate how much they want you… they need to be more enterprising. You're very lucky, Jedi. If it were any higher, you'd be fighting off bounty hunters on every planet you set foot on," he drawled.
"Who set it?"
"That is information I am not privy to. Only those that accept the contract receive the full information––where the contact is located, the last known location of the mark, where to bring them when the contract is completed." A goading smirk twirled the corner of his mouth. "I didn't find the job worthy of my time."
A trilling sound chirped through the cockpit, signalling that they were about to drop out of hyperspace.
"We're about to arrive at the coordinates," Windu announced. He turned back to the controls and started to make the necessary adjustments. He shot a hard look over his shoulder. "We can further interrogate him on the matter when we return to The Negotiator."
Elara lingered in her hover over Bane a moment longer before she righted herself. "Yes, Master."
The matter of the bounty, once an all-consuming thought, had fallen to the wayside in favor of agonizing over what was happening with Obi-Wan. But this reminder of it was stinging. It was stomach churning. It was maddening to once again feel so helplessly out of the loop. For there were beings out there that knew more about this than she did, and it was her life that was at risk. It was a terrible thing to not feel in control of one's own life. For much of her early life, Elara had felt as though her life was not her own; it was controlled and dictated by those that bought her family and called them their possessions. The Jedi Order had allowed her a chance to reclaim her life as her own, and to once more feel like some aspect of it was being pried from her grasp––it inspired frustration and ire. It burned hot and fearful in her stomach.
Elara cut one last look at Bane and found him smirking to himself, like he'd just won a battle she hadn't been aware they'd been fighting.
OOOO
The space station that Bane had led them to sat in the middle of an asteroid field on the edge of the far Outer Rim. It was a menacing looking hunk of grey durasteel, floating soundlessly and maliciously amongst the hunks of space rock. Once the T-6 was docked to the station, and they got their first look at it's interior, Elara had to resist the urge to snort. It was almost comical how overtly evil it felt. Its interior was cold and eerily silent and bathed in low light. Metal creaked and groaned, like some kind of caged creature that wished to devour them all whole.
"Nice place," Elara deadpanned in a manner that would've made her brother proud.
The response to her snark was a narrow glare from Bane.
"We'll be fine, Cody," Obi-Wan said to the Commander. "Stay here and watch the ship."
"Yes, sir––I'll keep the ship running," Cody confirmed.
Bane, still manacled, was allowed to take the lead. He wordlessly proceeded to navigate them through the labyrinthian passages of his secret space station. Elara had taken up the rear, walking just slightly behind Obi-Wan. Her eyes bore into the darkness that surrounded them, hoping that her vision would adjust quickly. It baffled her that anyone would opt to keep their space this dark. Even if one was going for a villainous aesthetic, this was a bit much. The only bits of light were the occasional, faint glowings of buttons installed into the walls. Elara briefly wondered if it would be acceptable to draw her lightsaber and use it as a light source. But by the time the thought flashed through her head, her eyes had mostly adjusted.
This was a trap, they knew it was a trap; but something about the situation still felt markedly wrong. For as they moved forward, Elara started to reach out into the Force. She probed for any nearby Force signatures, searched for any other life forms on the ship. If she was able to locate the children through the Force, she might be able to tell when or how Bane might try and trick them. That would, at the very least, give them some kind of advantage in these dark passage ways. The thing was, the only ones that she found were those of Obi-Wan and Windu––no one else's. No bright, vibrant tremblings one usually associated with young Force-sensitive children. Their signatures were always unbridled and pure, bright and beautiful. But there was none of that, and that had a sinking feeling settle in Elara's stomach. This was a trap––but what if he'd lied to them completely, and the children were elsewhere? What if he'd led him straight into a situation that was only going to cause more of a set-back?
Bane had led them into a lift, which appeared to be nothing more than a sturdy platform that lowered and raised. A door whizzed shut behind them, and the platform started to rise. Horizontal lights installed periodically in the walls flashed as they passed them by.
"I do not sense any children nearby," Obi-Wan said warily.
"Neither do I," Windu confirmed.
Elara's eyes flashed to Bane, who stood with his back to them. "Nor I," she added flatly.
The platform lifted them into the center of a large, shadowy room, and jolted beneath their feet as it came to a stop. Elara immediately peered into the darkness, trying to make out any of the shapes looming there. The air was distressingly still. It was the sort of atmosphere that one expected to feel before the heat of battle shattered it in the first burst of a blaster.
"Where are you keeping the children?" Obi-Wan demanded sharply.
Bane, with that infuriatingly blasé tone of his, slowly rolled his head towards the Jedi. "The children are safe. But first… there is your precious holocron," he said.
They followed his gaze as it shifted across the room. They all turned to see the brilliant glow of the cube on the far side of the space. It was like finding a planet's north star––it sent a wave of relief rippling through Elara, though she didn't feel it worm its way into her core. It was blocked by a more prevalent concern for the children, all of whom she was very sure were not on the space station.
"Let me get it for you," Bane offered. He walked across the platform and past both Elara and Windu––who reached out as the bounty hunter's foot swept out to step down onto the floor. The Jedi Master seized his arm and pulled him back, a no-nonsense look scrawled across his face.
"No more of your tricks," he ordered. He then proceeded to step off the platform, and when he did––the entire room was suddenly bathed in a low red light. An alarm whined out as Windu's foot tripped what was likely a safety precaution. "Blast!"
"You certainly stepped in it this time!" Obi-Wan snarked.
Instinctively Elara's hand shot to her hip, fingers curling around the hilt of her lightsaber. Before she could actively think of what action to take next, she was already being guided to it. The lightsaber was pulled from her belt, activated, and swept upwards just as a series of turret guns were activated. The zapping red bolts sparked off her blade and went careening off into the shadowy corners of the room. The guns were installed on the walls, where they sat on tracks; every couple of bursts they'd shift and fire from a new angle. This was the trap––and it was a good one. Every possible escape route was being shrouded by covering fire.
Windu flipped up onto a nearby crate, purple saber igniting as he was airborne. Once he was atop the crate, he was deflecting bolts with sharp movements. Obi-Wan, too, had started to deflect the ever shifting blaster fire. The three Jedi were so distracted by trying not to get hit, that they hadn't noticed that Bane had lept off the platform. It was Elara that had noticed him first. The bounty hunter had slinked towards a door that she hadn't noticed prior. Just as she lurched forward to chase after him, the turrets switched modes. Now, instead of firing bolts, a number of them were emitting laser beams. One of them slowly cut across the floor in front of Elara's feet, which had her stumbling back from it. A glare was leveled at Bane, and he smirked right back at her.
"So long, Jedi!" Bane sang. The door beside him whooshed open, and he stepped into it. When he was halfway through, he leaned back out and grinned at Elara. "I look forward to our next meeting."
Any kind of witty response choked up in Elara's throat. Just as his comments on the shuttle had stunned her, this one did too. But this one… it inspired a small spark of worry in her. This bounty hunter had tricked them several times at this point. He was as good as his reputation hailed him to be. If that comment meant what she believed it did… then she might not have to search out who'd set the bounty. She might be taken to them against her will. And as Elara gaped at him, he winked and slipped through the minute it whizzed shut behind him, what had appeared to be barrels opened and extended into several more guns.
Once again, before she could think to react, Elara was moving. Her saber twirled to deflect the new onslaught of gunfire, and her feet danced across the floor to avoid the lasers. It was quite obvious that the center of the room, where she and Obi-Wan still stood, was the worst possible place to be. They were sitting womp rats. Windu was in a much better position on the fringes of it––it was harder for some of the guns to reach there, and it was easier to predict where the lasers were moving. So Elara closed her eyes against the red glow of the room and focused on her connection with the Force. She sought out that deep sense of peace within her and allowed it to guide her.
With eyes still closed, Elara bent at the knees, pushed off the floor in a Force jump, and flipped backwards through the air. Her eyes only snapped open when she landed. She found herself perched on a crate directly adjacent to the one Windu stood atop. Obi-Wan was next to move. He also back-flipped towards them, slipping between narrow gaps of the laser beams. Elara couldn't help the way her heart cramped up as one laser passed an inch before the top of his head. That cramp only eased once Obi-Wan landed safely beside Windu completely unscathed. Not even a stray hair had been singed, and it had slouched out of its perfect quiff while he'd jumped.
"Now what do we do!?" Windu ground out as he sharply lifted his lightsaber. A bolt bounced off it and ricocheted into the room.
"We have to get the holocron!" Obi-Wan helpfully provided.
The station suddenly shook and rumbled around them, almost sending the trio toppling off their perches. Elara spun her lightsaber in an arc, blocking two bolts that nearly struck her shoulder and leg. She then noted all of the flashing buttons on a set of panels beside the holocron. They flashed erratically, most of them red. There was a chorus of bleeping and bleating coming from the panels as the walls shook once more. A swear was ground out between Elara's teeth, and she blocked another slew of bolts.
"I don't think that we just tripped an alarm––I think we started a self destruct sequence!" she announced.
"Oh, that's just what we need," Obi-Wan griped.
"You're closest to the holocron," Elara told him. She shot him an inquiring look over her shoulder. "Do you think you can make it over there?"
"Through all the lasers and the gunfire?" Obi-Wan dodged a bolt, which blew a hole in the wall where his head had been a second before. He quirked an eyebrow at her. "Easily."
The cockiness that leaked into his tone had her wanting to roll her eyes; but she sufficed to fix him with a deadpan look. The slightest of smirks quirked the corner of his mouth before he turned and leapt between two steadily closing laser beams. Elara half watched him navigate the room whilst she proceeded to deflect bolts and dodge lasers. It was no small feat, but Obi-Wan managed to cross the room. It involved a lot of dodge rolling, Force jumping, and diverting laser beams with the blade of his lightsaber. But, eventually, he ended up half-crouched atop the steadily malfunctioning control panel, atop which the holocron said.
"I've got the holocron!" he announced as he snatched it up.
But the moment he picked it up––the only other door to the room started to close. All three Jedi sprinted towards it, ducking and dodging lasers and gun bolts as they went. Elara dove through the steadily shrinking clearance, and slid a few feet across the floor on her stomach. She was on her feet as Obi-Wan dove and somersaulted through the door, with Windu rolling beneath it at his heels. The whole base started to shudder and shake violently around them, accompanied by chest-vibrating booms. Explosions. There was absolutely no time to lose; the station was mid self-destruct, and they had to get out of there fast. Thankfully, the docking bay was just down the passage, and Cody, as promised, had kept the shuttle running. All three Jedi tripped into the ship as flame and heat chased after them.
"Anytime, Cody," Obi-Wan ordered evenly.
With a nod, Cody engaged the door, detached the shuttle from the station, and commenced their escape. Just in the nick of time, too. For no sooner did they start to pull away from Bane's station, than it erupted into pieces behind them. With a relieved sigh, Elara slumped over to one of the passenger's seats and slouched into it. This mission was starting to feel like it was going to be the death of her. Her gloved hands rose to press against her face.
"We've got the holocron… but we don't know where the kids are," she breathed. Both hands fell from her face to hang limply between her knees. Her eyes danced between Obi-Wan and Windu. "What's our next move?"
Windu held his hand out to Obi-Wan, who placed the softly glowing holocron in his hand. The Master Jedi considered it for a long moment, before he lifted it pointedly. "We get the holocron back to the vault," he decided. He walked up to the co-pilot's seat, which he proceeded to claim as his own. "We can then reconnect with your brother and see about deciphering where Bane hid the children. Perhaps there's something to glean from the fuel tanks of his ship, as you had suggested."
Elara nodded and murmured a tired 'yes, Master.' The steady whine of the ship starting to enter hyperspace filled her ears. It had become a familiar sound, so much so that it was almost comforting at this point. So as it climbed to its height, she allowed her eyes to slip closed. Her head thumped back against the headrest of her seat. The jump back to The Negotiator wouldn't take long, but she'd learned to take rest whenever she could get it. So as the T-6 jumped into hyperspace, Elara allowed herself to doze off, hoping beyond hope that this hellscape of a mission would be over soon.
OOOO
Rodia, Outer Rim Territories
The mission, much to everyone's relief, concluded rather quickly. Anakin and Ahsoka had rescued the missing children from Mustafar; a locale they'd managed to deduce using the fueling log of Bane's ship. With the return of the children, the ordeal had ended. There had been no fanfare, however. It was a rather solemn affair, in fact, for the mission had only been partially successful. The holocron had been retrieved, and the children found unharmed… but Bane had escaped for a fourth time, and they were no closer to discovering who it was that had hired him. Frustrating as those negatives were, Obi-Wan found that the positives rather outweighed them. An analysis confirmed that no copies of the list of Force-sensitive children had been made. And the kidnapped children, thankfully, were safe, healthy, and being brought back to their families.
It was to one of those families that he and Elara were currently bound; they were to return the Rodian child to his mother and make amends. This second part, Windu had seemed particularly adamant about, much to Obi-Wan's quiet embarrassment. This mission had been particularly taxing, and it had taken its toll on them all. In a hindsight mostly provided by Elara's verbal thrashing, he'd concluded that he had acted inappropriately. He'd been needlessly clipped and short, letting all external factors influence how he handled the mission. He had let the situation, and his temper, get the best of him, and that needed to be rectified. This trip should be quicker, simpler, easier. They'd return the child, make the jump back to Coruscant, and then get some much needed rest; and––though his heart ached to admit it––some much needed time apart.
Obi-Wan counted himself lucky that the descent into Rodia's atmosphere would be a smooth one. There were no storms or difficult air-currents to cause turbulence. This was a descent that he could navigate as though he, himself, were on auto-pilot. It was a good thing, too––because he'd been distracted for most of the flight, and his hands were now moving on their own volition. And what had distracted him was this: the simple sight of Elara Skywalker cradling a baby in the co-pilot's seat beside him. Elara sat quietly with the rescued Rodian child in her arms, murmuring to him quietly. She'd barely moved the entire flight, and yet Obi-Wan had been remarkably compelled to observe. The distraction, he had decided, came from the gentle tone of her voice. The quiet cooing. The tender manner with which Elara reclined in the co-pilot's seat to keep both herself and the child comfortable. He had always known she was nurturing by nature––she was a devoted sister and she looked after her men fiercely. But this felt different, somehow.
It stirred something in his chest that felt dangerously reminiscent of those stirrings that had got them in this much trouble in the first place.
"I remember when Anakin was this small," Elara said softly, as though she couldn't help herself. When Obi-Wan glanced her way, he saw her beaming down at the child. A sharp ache throbbed in his heart, the likes of which softened his expression instead of tightening it. He watched as she tenderly adjusted the swaddling cloth, the action so caring one might've thought this child were her own. "When I held him for the first time, I told our mother that I never wanted to let him go. I knew, in that moment, I would do anything to keep him safe… It always felt like the safest place he could be was in our arms. I think I remember crying the day I realized I could no longer cradle him in my arms like this… because it meant I could no longer keep him safe in this way."
This was the softest Obi-Wan had heart Elara speak in days. The first time she'd willingly spoke in such a manner with him in her presence in over a week. It had him dancing on the edge of entrancement, drinking in the sweetness of her voice. He savored it like he might never hear it again––for part of him feared that he wouldn't. Obi-Wan sought out a reply, something to continue this moment of tenderness… but found nothing. His throat had gone hopelessly dry, his head was hazily blank. He wanted to say something, but couldn't. It was all he could do to linger in this moment, commit every bit of it to memory like it was the last of its kind he would ever experience.
Elara glanced up during his silent reverie, and caught his eyes with her gaze. The soft quirk of the corner of her mouth fell a little, as though suddenly struck by something sad. The tenderness of her demeanor had become melancholic. There was no anger or frustration, no bite in her gaze. Everything about her expression was still gentle… just markedly more sad. Obi-Wan felt his stomach cramp up, felt the pull that he'd so dutifully ignored. It reminded him of how they'd gotten to this point, of what it had driven them to do, what it was shoving them towards. What they were being pushed towards was the unknown, unexplored territory that Obi-Wan would silently admit terrified him. For a long while he'd felt like he was on the edge of a precipice. Then he'd felt as though his footing was crumbling away. As of late he'd felt like he was falling, tumbling, hurtling towards the dark, blinding unknown. And despite the fact he understood Elara must feel similarly… he felt distressingly alone.
The ship's computer trilled, announcing a proximity alert. Obi-Wan's head swiftly quirked back around and found them approaching the domed city. With a quiet clearing of his throat, he started to commence their landing sequence. The relatively calm atmosphere of the trip disappeared, and a familiar, insistent tension had taken its place. He chose, then, to actively focus on flicking the proper switches, pulling the proper leaves, and tapping the correct buttons. But he couldn't help the way his head quirked towards Elara as she spoke to the child again, voice still soft. With pursed lips, he guided their ship through the flight doors of the city's transparent dome, which was tinged a yellow-green for visibility. Obi-Wan landed them in the self-same plaza they'd arrived at a day prior, the exact place that Elara had lashed into him with quiet intensity.
The pair of Jedi wove their way back towards Kaytap Square wordlessly. Obi-Wan moved at Elara's pace, as she walked with a slower carefulness. All of this came so naturally to her. He could just picture her, no older than eleven, wandering a Tatooine market with baby Anakin in her arms. Shielding him from the harsh suns with that scarf she used to wear, ducking under overhangs as their mother bought what food she could with her meager earnings. Once more he found himself distracted by every careful step she took, every slight shift of her arms, which he was sure must be getting tired. Again, part of him wanted to ask if he could do anything to help; ask if he could hold the child to allow her a moment's rest. But, again, the words died in a suddenly tight throat. A tightness caused by fear… Fear of what feelings such a simple action would inspire in him. So he said nothing and instead forcibly contented himself with watching.
When they arrived at the correct house, Obi-Wan stepped aside and gestured for Elara and the child to precede him. She offered him a slight nod and stepped through the doorway the two of them had previously tripped into. Everything about this arrival was a direct juxtaposition to the last time they were there. They weren't glaring or tripping or contesting each other's every move. They were markedly calmer, more civil. It still didn't feel right, but it certainly felt better. Once they were both standing at the door, Obi-Wan reached out to press the button for the door chime. A moment passed before it whizzed open. There, across from them, was the very exhausted looking mother. The reaction wasn't immediate. She first looked at Obi-Wan, then Elara––and then her eyes dropped to the cradle of the Jedi's arms. When she realized what she was looking at, her expression brightened and a gasp tore from her mouth.
"Dros!" she exclaimed, immediately lurching through the door with arms thrown forward.
With a growing smile, Elara stepped forward and carefully passed the little boy––Dros––over to his mother. The boy wriggled his arms out of his swaddling as the hand-off happened, reaching for his mother with wordless, eager soundings.
"He's perfectly alright," Elara assured. "We brought him to our best medical professionals on Coruscant, and they said he's the picture of health."
The mother pressed a kiss to her son's head, and he reached his small hands up to tap the sides of her face familiarly. She proceeded to cuddle him to her chest, which jumped with a sob of relief. "Thank you," she said in a rush of breath. "Thank you for returning my son."
Elara inclined her head humbly. "We were only happy to do so."
Obi-Wan proceeded to duck into a partial bow, chin tucking to his chest in deference.
"I would like to apologize, madam, for my brashness when last we met. It was completely out of line," he admitted.
He lingered in that bow for a moment, preparing for a harsh, but deserved, response. A reprimand for how he had acted, how he had treated her. When it didn't come, Obi-Wan slowly righted himself. To his surprise, the Rodian woman didn't appear to bear him any ill will. There was no harshness to her expression, no sneer, no glare. Instead, she just shook her head and looked down to the little boy who'd huddled himself against her chest.
"Thank you, but all that matters is that you've returned my boy. I cannot thank you––both of you––enough," she insisted.
Obi-Wan allowed himself a small smile. "As my companion said––we were only happy to do so."
"We won't keep you any longer," Elara said. She waved Dros, who shifted a little in order to reach a small hand out towards her. With a brilliant smile, she let him grab hold of one of her fingers, which she waggled up-and-down like it were a handshake. She murmured a gentle 'goodbye,' to the boy, and giggled as the boy refused to let go of her finger.
Obi-Wan stood stock-still, watching the innocent exchange with softly parted lips and furrowed eyebrows. In his chest, his heart thundered deafeningly. His stomach squirmed desperately. Those emotions he kept tucked away rattled the door of their cell and screamed, begged to be let loose. Because he couldn't stand this. He wanted this––the tenderness, the softness, the closeness. He yearned to be on the receiving end of a delicate touch or subject of a bright, delighted smile. He wanted to lose himself in it, immerse himself in it till it was all that he knew. Till he drowned.
These thoughts came to a cold, sharp halt as they struck a wall of logic. He couldn't have the tenderness, the softness, the closeness. He couldn't let her fingers pass through his hair, or let himself grow weak at her smile. It would ruin them if he did. It would shatter all that they'd worked for, all that they'd both done to get to this point in their careers as Jedi. Obi-Wan would never forgive himself if he were the reason Elara fell. He shuddered to think that he could be the cause of her pain. So he couldn't let those even become a possibility. He had to, in some way, remove himself from the equation, no matter how badly it hurt him… how it hurt her. Sometimes pain was necessary to beget peace. It had to happen. For her sake.
And it needed to happen now.
OOOO
Coruscant, Core Worlds
Elara was laid flat out under the control console of a troop transport assigned to the 442nd. Her feet were propped up on the pilot's seat to give her room to do so, and she was wrist-deep in wires and circuit boards. The ship had been grounded due to an unknown malfunction, which had caused all gauges and computers to go haywire. She was the only one in the Temple's starcraft repair bay, which was no surprise. It was horrendously late. The sun had long since dipped below Coruscant's horizon, and the speeder traffic had slowed to a late night crawl. Elara wished that she were asleep. But sleep, it would seem, wished to be elusive. Though she was exhausted, both physically and mentally, sleep simply would not find her. It felt like a repeat of the days after Geonosis, and that exhausted her all the more. Instead of wallowing in the frustration of it all, or waiting for an unexpected, helpful visitor to come to her door, she'd decided to put her sleeplessness to good use.
There was a quiet zap as the end of a wire shocked the back of Elara's hand. She flinched at the spark of discomfort, but did little else. Between disassembling circuit boards at Watto's shop and building a pod racer, both she had gotten used to getting zapped here and there. It was how Anakin had learned how to swear. Elara had once been badly shocked whilst building the racer, and she'd yelped a loud 'kark!' as a result. Their mother had been less than pleased when Anakin proclaimed the curse when he dropped his blue milk that night at dinner. Repairing or tinkering with things had always been a source of comfort to her. It would always be familiar territory. And since she and her brother were no longer required to do it as part of their livelihood, there was more enjoyment in it. The repairing of this console not only would let her assist her men, but it would also––hopefully––bring her enough peace of mind to let her go to bed.
Just as predicted, the issue with the console wasn't anything major. It appeared that a couple wires had been jostled loose the last time it was flown in battle. So Elara set about fitting them back in their proper housings. A couple of them required being connected through impossibly narrow spaces, so she utilized the Force to get them where they needed to be. Just as she had done on Tatooine before she'd even known she was Force-sensitive.
"Elara?"
The voice, warm and familiar, startled her into stillness. She lifted and craned her head to the side, peering out from under the control console, eyebrows furrowed. There, standing in the entrance of the cockpit, was none other than Obi-Wan Kenobi. He stared down at her with a peculiar look on his face. It was pinched, but not in confusion or curiosity for what she was doing. It was just… pinched.
"Hello," Elara greeted unsurely. She removed her hands from inside the console and shuffled out from underneath it. Once free of its slight overhang, she pulled her feet from the pilot's seat and maneuvered herself back to standing.
Self-consciously almost, Elara fixed the rumpled nature of her robes. She'd dressed down for this endeavor, forgoing the heavier outer tunic in favor of just wearing the inner one. Had she known she was going to have company, and that the company would be him, she would've donned the extra layer. But not for propriety or vanity––for comfort. Security. The layers of the Jedi uniform had always had a way of making her feel safe. And it wasn't that she felt unsafe with Obi-Wan; it had now become commonplace that private moments between them were reserved for heated words. For cutting comments that left her hurting and sad for the way that things had changed. If they were about to engage in another argument––which she was unsure she even had the energy for––she would prefer to feel as though she wasn't so vulnerable.
There was something in Obi-Wan's demeanor, however, that convinced her that he wasn't here to fight. That peculiar pinch between his eyebrows was troubled. There was a reservedness in his eyes that dulled them, made them distant and impersonal. Impassive, almost. He stood as though someone had strapped a rod to his spine and shoulders, forcing them to be straight and square. It was unnatural and strange, and it had Elara eyeing him warily. She cleared her throat, albeit with an air of awkwardness for she had just been staring at him, and gestured to the cockpit.
"What're you doing here so late?" she asked.
Obi-Wan lifted his chin, and the creases on his face disappeared as he actively sobered his expression.
"I was looking for you. I thought we might talk."
The suggestion was so simple. Innocent, even. A talk between colleagues, perhaps a chance to resolve this bitterness between them. It should have inspired relief; instead, it inspired panic. Elara felt as though the air in her lungs had been forcibly removed from them. She quietly choked on nothing, mouth dropping open wordlessly. There was something about the distant manner with which he was speaking that frightened her. It was the tone of voice he used in negotiations. With strangers. Not with someone he'd known, worked, and lived amongst for nearly eleven years. Fear started to coil itself tightly in the pit of Elara's stomach. It was the same feeling she got anytime she worried that she was the reason things had gone south. It returned, now, even stronger than before, and it caused a wave of nausea to pass over her.
"Talk," she repeated. It was all that her startled tongue could manage to say.
"Yes, talk," he confirmed.
Elara knew exactly what this talk was going to entail, and there was no avoiding it, this much she already knew. It had been an inevitable consequence of everything that had happened. She'd just always presumed it would be her that would have to bite the bolt and initiate the conversation. In fact, she'd been slowly developing what it was she'd want to say, how she'd want to go about bringing it up; but it appeared he'd beaten her out. Something about Obi-Wan proposing they talk set her on edge. This was the tipping point. This was the moment that would decide their fate as it related to one another. That little spark of hope she'd felt earlier was nowhere to be seen. It had fled in its cowardice, left her to flounder breathlessly, choking on air. It was terrifying… but it was unavoidable. So Elara steeled her expression as best she could, jerked her head in a stiff nod, and tried to swallow down the anxiety clawing its way up her throat.
"Of course." She cleared her throat and nodded, hands twinging uncomfortably at her sides. "Yes, of course."
There was a long stretch of quiet where neither of them said anything. All they did was stare at one another; Elara with wide-eyes and Obi-Wan with a steely gaze. This ship had become their own private bubble. A space just for them, where the blasphemes that were sure to drip from their lips could fall freely, and spatter against the floor in choked confessions. And then Obi-Wan swept his hands to clasp at the small of his back. His chin raised to keep level with the floor. Something inside of Elara wilted at the image of the man before her. This was the man who'd walked away from her on Ryloth. Who'd gone cold in the vents of the Temple. This was the cruel caricature of the man she was so fond of; and that didn't bode well for the conversation to follow.
"This is not an easy topic to breach," Obi-Wan started. Everything about him was tense. The muscles in his neck were strained and his nostrils were flared. With his hands clasped behind his ram-rod straight back, he looked the picture of the perfect Jedi. "I have struggled to find the opportune moment to discuss it, but I have concluded that this is the time to do so."
For a conversation about a topic so intimate, he was going about it very impersonally. He spoke as though he were giving a report, removed and factual. It struck Elara sharply, painfully, like skin scraping against stone. It hurt all the more because she knew how he talked. She loved his voice, the warm, soothing tenor of it. How he'd managed to make it so cold was beyond her comprehension. Over the years, she'd listened to his change in intonation; how it became more bright and varied the better they knew one another. It was flat, now, as though that bonding had never happened at all, and that stung more than she ever would have imagined.
"What made this the perfect time?" Elara asked. On this, she was genuinely curious. What had made Obi-Wan decide this was the perfect moment? This was something that they'd been sitting on for months––years, perhaps. What thought process had he gone through to reach this conclusion? What had convinced him, after so long, that this was the time? All of those questions––and more––tumbled through her head; but none of them reached her mouth.
Obi-Wan's lips tightened, pursing into a thin line. The simple question had given him pause, like there was an array of answers to choose from, and he was selecting the best one. Those multitude of potential options––Elara very much wished she knew what they all were. When he seemed to have selected an option, the tension left his mouth. She couldn't help the way one of her eyebrows lifted curiously.
"Our behavior these last few days has been… troublesome, to say the least. It has drastically impeded our ability to work with one another. If left unaddressed, I fear that it will only get worse, and it shall start to affect others." There was a pause and something in Obi-Wan's expression subtly shifted. Despite what he so clearly wished to portray, Obi-Wan was clearly affected by the subject at hand. He felt it just as deeply as Elara did, he was just more stubborn about showing it. "I… have been driven to distraction by this," he admitted quietly.
A rush of breath fled Elara's mouth at the admission. It shook what semblance of steadfastness she had managed to maintain, and had her wanting to reach out and steady herself on the pilot's seat. That tugging sensation in her stomach yanked so hard she almost physically reacted. This was the confirmation that she had been both dreaming of and dreading. It sent a myriad of bliss and dread coursing through her system, creating a dizzying, strange euphoria to rush to her head. Part of her wanted to smile; part of her wanted to flee. The part of Elara that wanted to smile was relieved. That this truly hadn't been a one-sided ordeal, that he, too, must have felt the things that she had been feeling. The pulling, the wanting, the need to feel closer to the other. The part of her that wanted to flee wished to do so because this confession felt cold. It wasn't nervous, he wasn't avoiding her gaze, he wasn't stumbling over his words. It was nothing like she would have expected it to be like if the outcome was going to be joyous.
"I have, too," Elara revealed. A nakedness had entered her voice; it left behind the tone of careful diplomacy, abandoned the steadiness. This discussion, to her, could not happen as though it were a diplomatic negotiation. This was more than that. So much more than that.
"You feel it, then," Obi-Wan said. He swallowed thickly, like something had tried to claw its way up his throat. "This… pull between us."
Elara nodded. "No amount of meditation has helped. Instead of allowing me to let go of what I felt, focusing on it has only made it stronger. It grew to the point where it was no longer an… undercurrent, it was an unignorable pull, as though there were a tether forming between us." She paused, then, the next spill of words halting at her teeth. Obi-Wan lifted his eyebrows in a gentle prompting for her to continue. The pounding of her heart increased to a frantic tattoo, and the words that spilled forth fell with palpable emotion. "I could no longer ignore how drawn I felt to you. Your presence… burns, so brightly to me… like a star hanging in the darkness of space. I couldn't and can't ignore how badly I wish to be in your presence, or catch your eye from across the room. Those moments, those private, fleeting moments we always found ourselves in… I always want them to last forever."
She watched as Obi-Wan's fixed demeanor started to tremble. The corners of his mouth twinged despite his pressing his lips together. Eyelids fluttered to hide the fracturing of his impersonal gaze. Nostrils flared and eyebrows furrowed. Weight shifted between his feet and his hands dropped to form tight, trembling fists at his sides. Finally, for the first time since he'd entered the ship, the mask he'd donned broke. It scrunched up as though he were agonized, and his eyes fell shut, severing their long held eye-contact.
"Elara…" he muttered unsteadily. It sounded as though it might have been a warning, but she chose not to heed it.
Instead, Elara instinctively took several steps forward, which shrank the distance between them significantly. With every step that brought her closer, the desperate buzzing between them grew in intensity. It caused her stomach to squirm wildly, and it had Obi-Wan inhaling sharply. His eyes had opened, but they'd remained downcast, and his breathing was coming faster, heavier.
"The state we find ourselves in now is one of self imposed torture. We're ignoring the unignorable, and look at what it's driven us to, Obi-Wan." His name fell from her lips softly, and it incurred a sharp inhale from the man it belonged to. Elara's expression started to fold in on itself, crinkle at her browline and draw her lips into a frown. "We're injuring each other with words where once we used them so gently. We're contradicting one another instead of working together harmoniously. This isn't us." Boldly, and with some hesitation, she reached out and wrapped her fingers gently around Obi-Wan's wrists. There was a sharp shock when their skin met, warm and almost electrical in nature. At her touch, his fingers loosened almost instinctively. They uncurled, which allowed her to softly glide her hands into his. Elara slowly pulled then forward and clasped them in the space between them. He still would not look at her. "Denying what has grown between us will do us no good. I know that you know that; otherwise, you wouldn't have come here tonight."
There was heavy silence that followed her words. It was so quiet, it was almost possible to hear the metal of the ship settling in the cool night air. And then Obi-Wan's hands tightened around hers. It was a steady squeeze, the pressure gently building. In response, Elara squeezed them back. They clung to each other's hands so tightly that it hurt. Their knuckles had gone white and the flesh around them flushed pink. It was the kind of hold you performed when you desperately did not want to let go. When you were fearful something was going to slip away from you forever, that it would slip into an abyss, never to be seen again.
With eyes now focused on their hands and expression still crumpled, Obi-Wan said, "We have grown attached to one another."
Somehow, that hit harder than the initial admission. For this was admitting that this was not just attraction. This was not something they could pass off as a fleeting interest. They'd done nothing to pursue or acknowledge this, and it had already had them trodding on the line that would break one of their Jedi vows. This caused a stinging to ignite in Elara's nose, and had a glassiness start to gather in her eyes. She nodded, unable to look away from him.
"Yes. Irrevocably attached."
A moment passed. Obi-Wan's eyes rose slowly, and as they did, they steadily iced over. The steeliness that Elara so desperately hated had returned.
"And we must not pursue it," he said. Again his chin lifted in a manner almost imperious. "What happened on Ryloth—it can never happen again."
This was a denial. This was rejection––and it struck Elara with the weight of a full-grown rancor. A sharp pain radiated through her chest as though something in it had fractured. It felt as though she'd taken a blaster bolt straight to the heart. The pain took her breath away. It was unlike any other pain that she'd ever experienced. It was soul striking, breathless, wormed its way into the very core of her being. It had positively stunned her. It had torn at her offered vulnerability and left her feeling as though she was bleeding on the inside. Though the pain wasn't physical, it felt as though her whole body were throbbing, pulsing with her injured heartbeat.
And all that she could think to do was ask a single question; a single, self-serving question:
"Why?"
The question fell from Elara's mouth in a manner surprisingly steady for the mounting sense of turmoil building up inside her. She stared him down with an intensity the likes of which she'd never leveled at anyone before. And all the while, through the pain and the rejection, they both continued to cling to one another's hands, the gesture a desperate juxtaposition to what was happening. Though their words signalled the slow implosion of a carefully built relationship, their bodies physically clung to one another in a fearful bid to keep them together.
Obi-Wan's eyelids fluttered a moment and his breathing caught. And then with a jerking, sharp nod, he made his––clearly thought out––reply.
"You and I are… exemplary Jedi. This would be a terrible thing for us to pursue. We're both so duty bound, it would be… torturous. We'd live every day knowing that we'd broken some element of the Code; we'd be pretenders. And you and I… we are not that. We simply must discover a way to overcome this. For if we don't, we will be torn asunder," Obi-Wan explained. He'd spoken in a manner entirely too assured and even. Like this was something he'd practiced saying, read it over like lines from an opera. And then the stoicness of his expression broke as his eyebrows raised, and some grossly soft look washed over his face. "You have worked immensely hard to become the Jedi you are, Elara. Do not throw it away for something so trivial."
The word 'trivial' was what broke the damn. Elara sharply retracted her hands from his tight grasp, as though his skin had been alight with fire. She gaped at him, stunned, and took one large step back. The erratic, painful throbbing that was her pulse grew harder and more arduous. Whoever stood before her now was not the Obi-Wan Kenobi that she'd grown to love. That man would not have told her to stifle any part of herself. He would not have used status as a Jedi against her. Alongside the pain rose a nauseating anger, and it spilled out of her mouth in a trembling voice.
"What are the Jedi if they are not supposed to be compassionate?" she bit out. "We are supposed to love! We are predisposed to it. It is the innate drive that pushes us to be our best. It's why we're protectors, why we uphold peace and harmony. We love this galaxy and its peoples so much that we dedicate our lives to it. It is not trivial. I would not throw my life away for something trivial, and you know that. And to love someone is not to throw your life away. It is to enrich it. We, as Jedi, have lost sight of that. We have forgotten what it means to love selflessly and with compassion… nothing but good can come of that."
Obi-Wan stood before her, absolutely stunned by her response. His hands still hung in the air from where she'd previously been holding them. Slowly they fell to his sides, where they hung limp and unsure. Elara stared him down unblinkingly as she decided what her conclusion should be. What she should say and how she should say it. Because this was one of the outcomes that she'd feared. One where a resolution had to be met, as though they were negotiating terms with a Separatist General. It was clear that Obi-Wan wanted to go about this procedurally, with as little emotion as possible. For it was easy to hide behind the mask of diplomacy. To hide behind carefully chosen words and rehearsed phrases. It was harder to be vulnerable, to bear yourself so openly to someone, to give them a chance to harm you.
So if Obi-Wan wanted diplomacy, it was diplomacy he would get.
Elara's shoulders squared. The emotional tangle that had become her expression was forcibly sobered. She allowed her gaze to take on that guarded, distant aspect that he suddenly seemed so fond of, and then inclined her head to him.
"This is a matter I know we disagree on. You stand resolutely with the aging Jedi Code. This is something we could argue about for hours, but that would be imprudent. As you say, we must find a way to look past this unfortunate ordeal. For the sake of the friendship we have formed, and the comradery we have as Jedi, I shall put what I believe aside. It's something that, I am sure, I can overcome with time," Elara said. And though she'd angled for an even, unaffected tone, it still trembled. The mask she'd hastily donned cracked at its edges. "I have every confidence that you and I will maintain an excellent working relationship. Afterall. We are exemplary Jedi."
Those last words were said dully. Monotonously and without emotion. It was the most hollow that Elara thought her voice had ever sounded, and it reflected the way she currently felt inside. Hollow. Like Obi-Wan had reached into her chest, curled those lithe fingers around her heart and yanked. That those self-same fingers had wrenched her heart out and left behind this sharp, consistent aching. And with those words said, and that throbbing echoing through her hollow body, Elara took her leave. She made no further acknowledgement of him, and took care not to brush her shoulder as she passed him.
Elara stepped out of the ship with her eyes burning like she'd stared into fire and smoke. Only what she had been looking at was Obi-Wan Kenobi, who burned brighter than any fire she had ever seen. He had burned a way into her heart in such a way that they had both started to seem as though they were one in the same. Now it felt like he was trying to tear his way out; and he was tearing her apart in the process. With a shuddering exhale, Elara quickened her pace to put more distance between herself and him. A hand shot up to her cheek to dash away the first fallen tear. Another was quick to follow it, and for the first time ever, she allowed herself to cry over what had just happened. And all the while, one resounding question echoed in her head:
Was it possible to feel heartbroken over something that never happened?
Afterword: When I tell you this ending scene has been weighing on my mind for weeks… it's the necessary hit of rock-bottom that they need to start heading down the right path. I promise. I've got it all worked out! If anyone's interested, I'm thinking of doing a kind of 'Author's Commentary' on the last few chapters, which I'd post over on my writing page on Tumblr. But, uh… hope y'all don't mind a little more hurt. Would you believe me if I told you the angst is kinda… over? That the pining might be coming back? I promise things will get better from this point on!
Review Replies!
DCDGojira: Ahh, thank you so much! I hope you enjoyed the chapter!
Guest: I've got a plan for the whole rest of TCW series and Ep. III; just gonna have to wait and see how it all pans out!
PrettyRecklessLaura: Well, here's more! More… angst and pain, but more! I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!
RemiSparklez: We got 1 of 2 Obi-Lara confrontations this chapter! This one was a little more subdued, but you can bet that the next one is gonna be a doozy, given how this one happened. Also, I've been meaning to send you a message about your reading through so many of my old stories; I'm amazed that you took the time to do so! Some of my older ones I cringe to think of (I'm thinking of Batman on this one, I don't blame you for not growing attached to Juliet). I do marvel, though, at how my writing has changed; and it's remarkable that you took the time to read those stories and see that journey, too. I am genuinely, truthfully flattered that you consider me to be your favorite ff author. I honestly never expected to be that for anyone, so it's a compliment of the highest degree. I cannot thank you enough for your dedication to this story, as well as the others you popped off to go read! Also, always happy to see you over on Tumblr! :) Keep your eyes open for a PM, I'd still like to shoot you a message about some of my other stories. Thank you again, so much! I hope you enjoyed the chapter!
amidtheflowers: The pain and tension have certainly fractured at this point! But the true breaking point is just a hop, skip, and a jump down the road. They've hit rock bottom… now the only way to go is up. I'm sorry that Valentine's Day saw you sick (ugh, that's the worst), but I'm glad that the angst of the last chapter made it a bit better! I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!
zikashigaku: Well, they kinda locked themselves in a room to discuss it and the outcome was… less than ideal for both of them. Even though it was what Obi-Wan was angling for… boy howdy is he gonna regret it. But that tension is still there, and it's still gonna affect them. They've just agreed (begrudgingly) to try and figure out a way to work around it. And Anakin very well still might have enough of their sulking and say or do something about it! I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!
MalirBly: Ahh, thank you so much! I'm so happy that you enjoy this story so much; it always adds fuel to the fire to know that people are as excited to read it as I am to write it! I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!
Nerdette92: I have so much fun figuring out how to supplement the source material to make things feel more real/grounded! Like figuring out what drives a certain action or intonation, how what they're feeling affects what they do. Like how Obi-Wan's desperateness to cling to some manner of control just leads him to make terrible decisions. "Obi Wan and Elara are both so duty bound , but so bound to each other at the same time"––ugh YES, I couldn't have said it better myself! They're so desperate to still have one another around that, at this point, they'd do anything to ensure that. Even if it means they're both suffering in solemn silence. Hope you enjoyed this pit stop on the angst train! This one… hurt. I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!
weasleylover10: Anytime you can slip a subtle reference into something, it's always good fun! I got away with writing a philosophy paper (the final, no less) on the philosophical merit of Spock and Kirk's 'needs of the many' ideals from Star Trek. I forget how I did, but it was a fun one to write! xD I'm happy you enjoyed the last chapter, and hope you enjoyed this one, as well! Thanks again!
RJNorth: Obi-Wan is just… digging himself a grave at this point. He so desperately wants to find a foot-hold in some manner of control that he's just screwing everything up. He's just gotta learn to go with the flow… take a page from the Skywalker Handbook of How to Do Things. And the dissolving of feelings… very Jedi of him, indeed. I'm so glad you and I are on the same page about the word 'voyeur' used in that context. It's such a good word! I was very excited when that phrasing came to mind. Again, I'm forever grateful with the help that you lent me in the first half of this chapter. It genuinely saved it! Thank you, again, and may the Force be with you!
thenerdnextdoor: And with this chapter, we enter the tapering of pure angst into a more… pining (but in an angsty way) period. With them deciding (resigning?) to find a way to be more civilized about all of this, the reintroduction of touch may come about… which means there may be some desperate grabbing to pull each other out of harm's way, more lingering touches again… all leading right back up to the next smooch, which I am dying to get to! I'm glad that the lack of their working elegance hit like I wanted it to! I thought it would be a great way to show just how badly this is affecting them. That it's finally taken a hit at how they work, and they can't stop it anymore. Elara is the queen of clap-backs! She left Obi-Wan with that zinger last time, and she left him with another doozy this time. The next time they talk, they're really gonna have to work through everything that just happened. They're having big relationship fights without properly being in one! Ugh, these two. Also, I always gotta slip in a Skywalker Sibling moment; they usually relieve the tension just enough, and they're just so lovely to write! Also, that moment was strictly between them in their Force Bond. They're learning how to use it, still, but it's a good way for them to silently communicate. I will never think that one of your reviews is too long, I love reading them! Again, as always, it's so good getting to speak (write?) with you! I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!
monkeybaby: I'm excited for more Hondo, too! He's just what we need to relieve all this angst (and inspire some [much needed] jealousy). And Elara will be more prepared to deal with him this time around. I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!
LoveFiction2021: Thank you! I hope you enjoyed the chapter!
09sasha: Bane definitely was not about having his mind pried into; and then he proceeded to get a leg up on them and escape. Whatta guy! I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!
Eomy: I really like doing multiple POVs, particularly for this story. There's so much of this story that stretches beyond Elara and Obi-Wan. All the different POVs help build the world, and help give depth to all active storylines. I'm really looking forward to Obi-Wan and Elara getting better, too; we are entering territory where angst is melting into them coming to terms with things in a less frustrated way. More about the bounty will be popping up in upcoming chapters! We are reaching the point where it's going to become a main point of interest… but for now we've gotta get Obi-Wan and Elara in a better spot. And Ani's POV should be up in the next chapter! I'm very excited for it. I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!
camelotprincess1: If last chapter hurt, I shudder to think what this chapter must've been. The reconciliation is very close––very close, but we've got to let them come to terms with the fact that 'being good Jedi' is not the answer to this situation. I'm glad you felt the same way about the episode! Whenever I watch it I'm like 'he's just… so… rude? Like, why?' There's also a lower pitch to his voice for the entire holocron arc, which has always intrigued me. So I took those things and went 'now there's a reason for them! Hello, relationship angst.' And I also agree that this is probably the point where the Jedi are starting to lose the support of some of the people. We're heading into mid-war territory, which is always fraught with issues. I hope you enjoyed the chapter; thanks again!
Time Travel Maniac: Oh, they absolutely need therapy. They're hurting themselves and each other, and none of what's happening right now is remotely healthy. I fully believe that Elara (and Anakin) never got a chance to properly grieve their mother. Jedi mourning practices don't extend to family, as none of them (save for the Skywalkers) know who their family was. So I think it's something they always quietly, continuously grieve over. Obi-Wan has certainly become blinded by emotional turmoil, and since he's still in the thick of it, he doesn't realize that. Doesn't realize that it's driving him to make these brash decisions that make things worse. Like how the 'talk' in this chapter was more him 'telling' her that things had to change. But now that this arc of angst and anguish is coming to a close, and they're bouncing off rock bottom… oof, he's gonna realize what he's done, and that's gonna be rough. And the Mandalore arc is nigh… and I, too, am sadistically excited for it. And, yes, that's exactly how I imagined Elara sounding! Dignified and controlled was what I was going for. And poor Anakin has definitely been feeling a lot of Elara's smarting emotions. We'll actually get a chunk of his POV next chapter, so we can do a wee deep dive into everything he's been feeling. And the fact that he probably felt Elara's heartbreak in this chapter? OOF. The interrogation of Bane has always been so oddly dark. Like… we don't ever see the Jedi do that again; we see Anakin do it, but he acts on his own volition. I don't even think it toes the line of torture, I think that they were definitely low-key torturing him. They're so desperate to ensure the fate of the Jedi Order they were willing to go to lengths to save it. I'm glad to hear you're down for more emotional turmoil, 'cause that's what this chapter was all about! I hope that you enjoyed the chapter, and thank you, again, for your wonderful review!
And thank you to those that added this to their follows/favorites; it means a lot!
So I've got what's probably… 2, maybe 2 ½ chapters of original content comin' your guys' way! A lot more Anakin in them, a lot of the clones, a lot of exploring how Obi-Wan and Elara are gonna climb their way out of this pit. Then we'll hit 'Bounty Hunters' and the Mandalore arc! I swear to god that they're so close to making up, there are just a few final hurdles they have to make. Thank you all, again, for being so supportive and so awesome! Y'all rock!
~Mary