Chapter 46

The next week spun away. The days were busy with therapies, organizing aids Steve would need at home, scheduling the therapies at home and at the hospital and taking last orders and advices from Dr. Lexington, Connor and Aaron.

But then finally exactly one week after Steve and Danny had informed Dr. Lexington about their decision and 82 days in the hospital Steve got discharged.

Danny drove the SEAL home, but the drive was awfully silent.

"You good over there?" Danny asked a little concerned.

"Yes, I am. Just nervous." Steve admitted.

"Why?"

"I don't know. It's been a while since I've been home – again."

"And?"

"And nothing Danny. It just feels – weird. I don't even remember much of the last day I've been there…I just know it wasn't a good day."

"But it will be today," Danny smiled, hoping to make his friend feel better.

"You didn't organize a party or something, did you?" Steve asked a little afraid.

"No, of course not. Today there will be just you and me and maybe a pizza and a football game."

"Sounds good."

"That's what I thought."

But the rest of us would like to see you too. We thought about a little BBQ on Sunday. But we can talk about that tomorrow. Today is your first day at home and I want you to take it easy. We settle in, relax and enjoy the day."

"Sounds really good." Steve wasn't exactly smiling, but he was happy that there wouldn't be any people awaiting him today.

Danny parked as close to the house as he could. He took Steve's duffle bag, went to the house and opened the door to give Steve enough time for himself to get out of the car without feeling watched how he would do.

Danny brought the bag into Steve's room – which was the guest room for the time being – and returned to the door to help Steve over the little step in front of his house since there were no handrails for him for support.

When they were inside, Steve just stood there and took in the view of his home. Nothing had changed as far as he could tell. 'And why should it anyway?'

"Hey, you want to sit down on the couch?"

"No. Can…can we go outside on the lanai?"

"It's your house. You can do whatever and go wherever you want."

Steve crossed the floor of the living room, shuffled through the kitchen and went to the lanai. When he was outside, he took a few more steps to have a good view of the ocean. Then he closed his eyes and took three deep breaths, closely observed by Danny.

When Steve was done, he turned around looked at his friend and said with the most gratitude he had ever expressed "Thank you, Danny. Thank you so much."

"What for? It was your decision."

"Yes, but you knew before I knew and I am sure if I hadn't made the decision, you would have pushed me into the right direction. So, thank you. Because I needed this."

"I know." They smiled at each other.

"They sat for half an hour, talking about trivial stuff and enjoying the sun when Steve started to get kind of fidgety in his chair.

"I think I need to lie down for a while Danny. I can't sit anymore."

He had some trouble getting up and the first two steps were unstable, but he managed to reach his room without incident and sat down on his bed.

"I'll go and get my stuff and the wheelchair out of the car. I'll be back in a minute. If you need anything call out."

"'kay."

But Steve didn't need anything. He just wanted to lie down and give his back some rest. But when he was lying flat, he closed his eyes and was asleep before Danny was even back from the car.

Danny watched his sleeping friend for a while, then he decided to unpack and prepare some snacks. He left the door to Steve's room ajar – just in case. The occurrences of his nightmares were unpredictable.

When Danny was done, he called Kono, Chin and Samantha to tell them that everything went well, that they were settled and Steve was resting.

They were all happy and promised to come by the next day.

Steve had a two hours nap. An hour into his sleep, Danny had covered him with a blanket to prevent Steve from feeling cold when he would wake up.

When he woke up, he was disoriented at first, but remembered being at home again soon after.

He got up and found Danny on the couch, watching TV.

"Hey."

"Hey. You slept well?"

"Yeah, thanks. You got some rest too?"

"Yes, I mean, I didn't sleep, but I relaxed on the couch watching some sitcoms."

"Nice. Do we have some juice here yet?"

"Of course. Delivered yesterday. There is also some ginger ale in the fridge – just how you like it. And ice in the freezer…and I prepared some snacks – just in case you are hungry. A sandwich maybe?"

"Not exactly hungry, but I'd take a sandwich. You want one too?"

"Yes, of course. Can't let you eat all the goodies alone."

"Outside?"

They took the same seats as before and ate in silence.

"You good?" Danny asked after they were finished.

"Yes, thanks. It…it feels good to be outside – at least in the backyard. Still feeling a little vulnerable at the front though. Thankfully, I had to concentrate on walking when we arrived today."

Danny smiled at that. Feeling safe in the backyard was a start. Looks like they had made the right decision.

Steve stood up and made a few steps into the direction of the beach when he noticed a wooden plank leading all the way to the ocean and even a shorter one to the Adirondack chairs.

"Danny?" Steve turned around. "What is that? I…I didn't notice it this morning." Danny had followed his friend and said "That's what I thought. This my friend is a ramp. I thought you might want to go to the ocean and sit in one of the chairs – if they are not too low to get you back out of it that is. And walking through the sand is not so good right now, so we needed a way to get the wheelchair down there."

"That is…that is great." Steve was touched. He had tears in his eyes, but this time they were tears of joy. "Thank you, Danny. Thank you." He hugged him tight.

"You are very welcome. I know how much you love the ocean and the beach and I had to do something. But I have to admit it was just my idea. I didn't build it. Kamekona called in a few favors. You should thank him."

"I will…I definitely will. Can…can we go there?". Steve still had some trouble getting his emotions under control. He was still touched and on the verge of letting the tears go, but he was also excited to be near "his" ocean.

"Of course. It wasn't made to just look at it. Let me get the wheelchair first…yes, yes, I know you want to go there by yourself. But firstly, the ramp is leading downward, that means a little more difficult to walk and you need to go back as well. The chair is just in case, okay? You know: better safe than sorry."

"Okay."

When Danny returned, they made their way to the ocean – very slowly.

When they arrived, Steve just stood enjoying the view and deeply inhaling the smell of his beloved ocean.

"God, how I missed this. This is so great Danny. Thank you."

They stood five minutes longer. Steve still deeply inhaling and Danny watching his friend before Steve said "I think I need to sit for a while."

"Okay." Danny made a few steps in the direction of the chairs.

"No, Danny. Stop. I think I'll take the wheelchair. The other has to wait. Don't feel exactly up to getting in and out of it."

"Yeah, sure. No problem."

Steve sat down with a sigh and massaged his left leg.

"You in pain?"

"No. It is just a little…stiff. You were right, walking downwards is not that easy."

Danny pushed Steve's wheelchair towards the Adirondacks and sat down himself.

"So, what about the BBQ you mentioned?"

"We thought about the day after tomorrow. Just a small one: a little grilling, some beers - just one for you though – some talking. Just a few people – if this is not too early for you. But I thought we have the rest of today and tomorrow to settle in and…"

"It's fine Danny."

"You sure?"

"Yes, Danny. I am sure. I'd like to see them too."

"Very cool. Okay: Kono, Chin and Samantha are coming tomorrow early afternoon. We'll make a "guest-list" and a shopping list, then they do the shopping. You don't have to care about anything.

When you are completely back on your feet, we do a real party . and you are responsible. How does that sound?"

"Deal."

"Perfect."

"You want to lie down again before the game starts?"

"Actually, I'd like to take a shower. The chair is already here, right?"

"Yeah, everything is prepared. You just have to take a look at your clothes. I didn't bring everything down here – just a little selection. If you want to have something else, you have to tell me."

"I think it will be fine. We are just watching a game. Don't think I will need special clothes for that."

Steve made his way to his room when Danny called him again "Hey, I know you've showered alone before, but can…can we leave the door ajar – just in case you need anything?"

"…Sure, but I will be fine, Danny," Steve reassured

"I know. It's just your first day, you know and…" Danny said hesitantly

"I leave it open," Steve said, realizing Danny would feel better then.

"Thanks," Danny said relief audible in his voice. "And call me when you are ready. I can put the cream on your back."

The shower was out for fifteen minutes now. Danny knew that his friend still needed some more time than usual for drying and dressing himself, but he couldn't hear anything out of the bathroom either.

"Steve? You okay in there?"

No answer.

"Steve!" Danny said a little louder, concern growing. "If you don't answer I'll come in."

No answer.

Danny's heartbeat quickened, he opened the door completely, went into the bathroom and saw Steve – standing with his back to the mirror, starring at the scars the whip and the taser had left.

Steve had seen his front every time he had changed his shirt, but he had never really looked at it and he had never had a look at his back before. When he had showered at the hospital one of the nurses or Danny had waited for him to get ready and he had never thought about taking a look. Besides he had been concentrated on sitting on the chair the right way or staying on his feet – not wanting to take a dive in the shower.

"Steve. Buddy. Don't…don't look at that." Danny's voice was soft now. He was still concerned, but he didn't want his friend to notice.

No reaction.

"Babe? Hey…," Danny had to swallow. He hadn't actually seen the SEAL's back before either. When they had found him, he had been lying on his back and still had his shirt on – Danny could still remember the blood on the table that had soaked through his friend's shirt – and in the hospital the wounds had been covered and Danny had always left the room when the staff had cleaned the wounds and changed the dressings to give Steve at least just a bit of privacy.

The wounds were all closed now, but the taser marks were still visible as faint red dots. What really stood out though were the ten long and still bright red welts the whip had left, reaching from his shoulder blades to his hip on both sides.

"Babe?" His voice was still soft, but he couldn't leave the concern out of it this time.

Steve turned, looked at Danny, swallowed hard and said with a breaking voice.

"They…they will never go away, will they?"

"No. No buddy, they won't," Danny answered hoarsely.

"They had scarred me for life, Danny."