Humanity's Strongest Woman

by xDollfie

In every empire, there is an epic era that defies the boundaries of time and immortalized itself in the history books. For mankind, an epic era they will never forget has finally emerged. The war between humanity and Titans has finally come to a head. Love cease to exist in a time like this, but they found it, and promised that it'll be worth it. Every stubborn inch of it [LEVIXOC]

48. The Trigger

Apologies for the late update, I won't bore you with the details, but I'm so hyped that we are finally at Lady of the Starkes arc!

As usual, thanks to everyone who has reviewed and supported this fic. I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint!

P/S: please don't try to hate me so much when this chapter ends haha *nervous laughter*

Thank you 92 is half of 99 and blackbutler415 for giving me your opinion!

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Humanity's Strongest Woman by xDollfie

Chapter 43 — The Trigger

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The city pulsed with life, vibrant with celebrations.

From the rooftop where Levi was at, the skyline of Trost was bustling with joy. Groups of civilians were laughing and drinking as they rambunctiously stumbled from bar to bar, only to stop and converse with other happy wanderers who shared their joy. Family men cheered, teenagers laughed, and mothers wept in joy.

There were little brats too, Levi realized. They scuttled about in packs, soaking in the excitement pouring from the adults. Even at the military barracks, soldiers were partaking in their own celebrations.

The celebrations had started ever since they had arrived back in Rose. Two days had passed since, yet that seemed to deter no one from cutting the celebrations short.

Everyone had thought that Wall Maria was the biggest frontier that the world had to offer, but if there was just an ounce of truth in what they discovered, then their view of the shitty world was about to expand even further.

It was exactly because Levi was inclined to this knowledge that he was not among the population celebrating. Not when he knew of the inevitable war brewing in their future.

Alone and soaking in the sunset, in his hands the biggest bottle of whiskey he could find, Levi's mind drifted. The dwindling rays settled on his skin like fire and left his nerves exposed.

He hadn't been able to sleep since he got back. He hadn't really been able to do much really.

Erwin...

His thoughts slipped for just a moment. But it was enough. There he was. That damn bastard—proud in his uniform. He was laughing with his daughter. And she was laughing too.

Until she wasn't. Until Levi was looking down at those same blue eyes—now lifeless—as Ida wept beside him and begged for him to wake up. Tears stroked down her cheeks, dripping onto her father's face, forever eradicating her once hopeful dream for their future.

The memory proved to be too heavy, so Levi focused on the city. Ghosts lingered behind him, witnessing the ignorant city's indiscretion. Their presence weighed on Levi's shoulders, enveloping him like an oppressive painful entity as if their blood were seeping through his own shirt.

He knew why they were following him.

They were demanding the meaning of their sacrifice.

Not enough. Never enough. Fight. Continue on. Soldier on.

It was their looming oppressive cruelty that made Levi uncork the bottle and pour a stream of alcohol down the edge. When he was certain the dead had their share, he chugged his own amount.

Never enough, Levi told himself, wiping his lips. You cope, you soldier on, or you die.

He set the bottle down. He had always been a heavyweight drinker, only able to feel a buzz, but it was a slight buzz he had chosen together over cold, cold sobriety.

He had played God, he paid the price, and now he had to live with the consequences, silently wrathful and resentful that the choice ever had to be made at all. Hah, if the bastard Erwin was here, Levi would've demanded if this was what he intended. He would've asked him if he enjoyed him seeing him playing God, and maybe... he would've even admitted that he never wanted this responsibility—that he never wanted this.

But that was the point, Erwin wasn't here.

And so, all Levi could do nothing but be a vulture scavenging off God's abilities, driven by a need to fill his emptiness with whatever mortal comfort he could find.

He was down to half the bottle when he heard the door to the rooftop open behind him. Footsteps, soft and hesitant, became firmer as they approached.

"Captain."

Armin.

His voice carried a resolution that told Levi that he wasn't avoiding a conversation any longer.

"Arlert," he greeted back.

They stood side by side in a heavy silence. Levi continued to gaze at the city, perfectly content in waiting for him to fess up whatever it was he came here to say. Armin remained quiet in contemplation as he gathered up the courage to speak.

"Why me, sir?"

Levi turned to look at his subordinate before even trying to formulate an answer. Armin had fixed his view on the city as he continued, his voice never wavering.

"Commander Erwin was a better choice. No one had to say it, but everyone knows the logical choice was him and not me." A mirthless smile settled on the boy's face. "He was guiding us to victory. And now… we need him more now than ever…"

Levi realized Armin had planned the entire speech out before he came here, but he only continued to regard him quietly while he went on to seek the answers.

"I thought about it for days." Suddenly, Armin's eyes held his deadpan countenance in its gaze, never faltering their attention to anything else, "I tried to understand why I was chosen, but no matter how much I think about it… I… couldn't find the reason..."

The silence mocked him as Armin waited for an epiphany.

"Do you think I made a mistake?" Levi finally asked in a firm voice.

"I…"

Upon sensing his hesitation, Levi scoffed.

Ridiculous.

It was a ridiculously stupid question to ask. Forget Armin, everyone would've thought he had made a pissing mistake.

Usually, he couldn't be bothered to give two shits—there was no need to defend himself. But the kid had scrambled all the way here for an answer. And after bringing him back from the dead, after instilling such a burden on him, he deserved the truth, didn't he?

It was the cruel truth Armin sought after and it was the cruel truth that he needed to move on.

"I didn't choose you," Levi said without hesitation. "I damned you."

Armin frowned. "What?"

Levi grunted, irritation seeping into his eyes. He took another swig of whiskey. When he had steeled himself, he turned back to him.

"Did you think that just because I chose you over Erwin, I was prioritizing you?" Levi paused, allowing Armin to soak in the ugly truth, before he added, "I didn't save you because I thought you were the better option. I chose you because I didn't want to damn Erwin to this shitty life again. It was a selfish decision I made on my part. That's all there is to it."

Armin's expression twisted, outlined by betrayal. He was a perceptive kid. Levi knew that he would've caught on to what he was implying by now.

"Things are only going to get shitter from now on," Levi ominously forewarned, the icy wind billowing around them. "And because of me, you have a hellish road in front of you now. I placed the burden of the Colossal Titan and Erwin's life on you, and everyone is going to be looking at you for guidance."

As though what he said had struck a nerve, Armin turned his back to him. In addition to the buzz that steeled him, the alcohol also made Levi's tongue looser.

"You say we need Erwin more than ever," Levi took a deep breath. Though all of this was difficult for him, he was more than ready to tell him the truth. It was what Armin deserved. "Yeah, we do need him—one can deny it, but he sold his humanity to get us here. Anything good in him died the moment he took the position of Commander. He wasn't supposed to go on that expedition, but the prick couldn't stop himself. Not when he was so close to the fucking truth."

Levi sighed when he arrived at his conclusion, "Erwin… didn't deserve to suffer a shitty life as the Colossal Titan... I couldn't do that to him."

"And you thought I deserved it?"

Levi ignored the whip of pain that slapped his face when Armin said that. His blue eyes were now steely.

"May I speak frankly, sir?"

"Tch, fuck formality. Spit it out."

"I resent you and I can't help but blame you now." There was a wave of silent anger underlying Armin's words, but Levi paid it no mind. "I have overestimated you, Captain. You made the decision based on your personal feelings, and you didn't even spare a thought for the hell you subjected me to."

Not once during his speech did Armin look away. He was resolute. He wouldn't be deterred by the blatant disrespect he was showing, which in turn, actually gained him some respect in Levi's eyes. He had always thought that bravery was his weakest trait, but now...

Armin's gaze almost resembled Erwin's—a gaze that was clear and determined, able to see through him with frightening clarity.

"I can't fill in the Commander's shoes, and even when you know this, you chose to act on your personal feelings." Armin looked at his own hands, appearing as though he regretted everything. "And now... I can't even look at Ida without feeling like I have murdered her father. I can't... look at anyone without feeling that I have robbed humanity's chance of success..."

"I don't care if you hate me," Levi felt his mood dampened after Armin mentioned Ida. "I just need you to do your job."

They stewed on that declaration in silence. Armin had melted from his earlier anger and determination to now slouch over himself over the railing. He heard him sighed wearily.

"I can't do this," Armin confessed in a tight voice that did its best to conceal his emotions. "I can't."

"I wouldn't have chosen you if I didn't think you couldn't do it."

Levi felt his surprised stare on him, obviously requesting an elaboration.

"If it was someone else, I might not have made that decision to forgo Erwin. I didn't need to save you, but I did. Because it was you." Levi scowled as the wistful memories paraded in his mind, "Erwin got us far enough to discover the true enemy, to the truth—no matter how shit it was. But he never had a plan afterward. His dreams extended only that far."

He made his coffin when he gave Armin the injection but that didn't mean he didn't consider humanity when making his choice.

"Huh?" Armin was bewildered. "Commander Erwin never had a plan?"

"Maybe he never thought that he would've lived long enough." Levi shrugged. "Someone once told me that it wasn't wrong to have dreams. The same person carried their own shitty dreams of a peaceful world. So when I was making my decision, I remembered you."

Finally, Levi took his gaze off the city and migrated it to Armin, his expression serious.

"You have something Erwin never had. Dreams. Dreams of a peaceful world. The shitty land of ice or the pissing thing called the sea. Erwin couldn't envision a world without war, but you saw the end when he only saw the beginning. And this is what humanity needs right now. If you need to hate me or blame me for making you lead the way to the future, fuck it, just do it. Heck, Eren probably only got this far based on hate. But the last thing humanity needs right now is for the Colossal Titan to be brooding over this. Do whatever it is you need but get us there to the end."

When he was done, Armin's countenance had paled with nothing but desolation. Levi allowed the silence to linger, knowing that the kid needed time to come to terms with what he said. Regardless of everything, he was still his commander officer. He needed to guide him, especially now that Armin had a bigger role to play in the wars to come.

"I…"

"I wouldn't have done it if I didn't believe you couldn't carry this burden, Armin," Levi reiterated. "I entrusted this role to you because Erwin couldn't carry this burden anymore. You're the only one who can make sure my decision wasn't a mistake."

Armin looked away, unable to respond immediately. His somber gaze scoured the bustling city, expression contemplative for a moment.

"I understand," he finally said. "Thank you for being honest, Captain. And…"

The boy hesitated briefly. "I'm sorry about the Commander too. I know that given your circumstances with Ida... it was a tough decision for you too."

Levi couldn't help but grimace at the mention of the woman that was forever in his thoughts, ready to be awakened at the most opportune time. Suddenly, he felt her broken green eyes on him again.

Yeah, this shitty conversation was over.

Finishing the last content of his bottle, Levi hastily made his exit.

"Don't be, it was a choice I will never regret."

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

Life doesn't make sense.

There was no rationale or common sagacity. If life made sense, maybe they would've all the answers and war would be unnecessary. As Ida ruminated in the dark abyss of her subconsciousness, she wanted the silence to swallow her.

There was a shuffling from someone to her right, Then, something cool touched her chest. A stethoscope, she assumed. Even then, Ida made no moves to speak or to even open her eyes.

The feeling of cool metal left her chest. "She has to be very careful from this moment on."

She discerned that it was Pete, the Survey Corps doctor, who was saying these words of advice.

"Then... the child, is it alright?" Hanji's voice that was tinged with worry followed. "Her physical exertions were exhausting and careless. I'm not as medically gifted as you, but it seemed almost impossible for the child to have survived after all the physical exertions she went through. Ida is one of the Survey Corps' greatest combatants, I tried to get her away from the fight but we didn't have a choice in the end."

She heard Pete let out a weary sigh. "Frankly, I doubt she was utilizing her full physical talents. If she had, perhaps they might not be even a fetus for us to discuss. She must've made a conscious decision and an effort to protect the life inside her. And might I add, the human body is quite amazing and resilient. She'll be okay."

"So, there wouldn't be any complications?"

"It's hard to say. Maneuvering is dangerous, much less for a pregnant woman. Currently, the fetus is still very young, very susceptive to danger, but strong enough if God lends a hand. From my tests, she's still very much pregnant and thankfully there's no bleeding. I'd say it's manageable because her body is strong, possibly from being conditioned to be so physically fit. But of course, if she continues to fight there's a high risk that she won't be so fortunate next time. She will lose the child and maybe even her life."

Ida could see the relieved smile from Hanji's voice. "That's great news, isn't it?"

"Indeed. Has she made a decision?"

"Not that I know of. In the meantime, can I trouble you to keep this between us?"

"Of course. Any more questions, Commander?"

"No. Thank you for rushing here on such short notice, doctor."

"It's my pleasure. Please remind the patient that she must be very careful from now on. She has a physically strong body but she shouldn't take it for granted. And do relay my condolences to her as well."

Light landed on her eyelids. Ida had forgotten what it was like to be conscious, to have the memories rush back to remind herself that she was still very much alive. Her eyes opened in increments. She only saw glimpses of Pete's graying brown hair before he left the room.

"Hey." Hanji's voice was crisp and clear.

Ida blinked weakly. Her body felt as though it had been attacked by a carriage. She realized a band was covering her right forearm where blood was taken. "Where… am I?"

"I brought you to the infirmary."

Her dreary eyes surveyed her surroundings in momentary confusion. The last that Ida recalled, she was in solitary confinement in the stockades with Eren and Mikasa as her neighbors. She had insisted that she be confined as well, arguing that she was also guilty of insubordination for attacking Levi.

Hanji guided her into a sitting position. Ida didn't have much of a physical choice as she felt herself being lifted up. She continued to blink in a consistent pattern, her vision became clearer with every attempt. From the way the sun was shining through the windows, it was morning.

"How long have I been asleep?"

Hanji handed her a glass of water. "Just a day. You were fast asleep, I got someone to carry you here."

"I heard what Pete said," Ida got straight to the point. "Does—"

"It's just me and Pete," Hanji intercepted, already knowing what she was about to ask. "I didn't tell Levi yet or anyone else."

She skeptically scanned Hanji's face that was half bandaged. She didn't seem to be lying. "Thanks."

For a moment, she didn't say anything. Which Ida appreciated. The adrenaline from the battle had long worn off, but while Ida was still reeling from the revelations and grief, Hanji had already gained her composure.

"If you're wondering where he is, he's with Pixis now."

She nodded numbly. "Good to know."

"So?"

Ida lifted a brow. "So what?"

A feeble smile lifted Hanji's lips. "Have you decided?"

Ah, that.

A wave of anxiety washed over her. But enough was enough. Her anxiousness was getting ridiculous. She had already made her decision. Ida gave her a simple nod as a reply. It appeared the Hanji already predicted her answer though because she took a folder she had prepared beforehand and placed it on her lap.

The folder like stones on her thighs. Ida knew what it was.

It's an application for my leave...

"I'll put you on off active duty for now, just until you start showing."

"Administrative duty?" she guessed, unable to help but grimace.

Hanji wagged her finger. "Yes, don't you even think of getting near your gears."

Ida sighed resignedly, her fingers massaging her temples. Was this pure stupidity on her part? An inevitable war was brewing. They were a persecuted race of devils hated by the world, and still, she had chosen to keep this child even when she was aware of it.

It was irrational on all levels, but Ida paid it to mind.

She dropped her somber gaze back to the file. "Isn't it good enough that you know? Do I have to fill it in?"

"For official records yes. It'll only be privy to the Commander, don't worry."

Ida looked to Hanji for a quill as she asked, "What happens when I start showing then?"

"Mhm. I thought that maybe it's best to just get away from everything. Just recuperate, you know? If you're worried about the Corps, Levi and I can handle the matters here."

"Alright." Ida couldn't find it within her to argue with that. Keeping her pregnancy a secret aside, it'd be absurd to have a heavily pregnant woman walking around the headquarters anyway—even if there were only ten members left.

She took the quill from Hanji, thanked her, and opened the file. Two documents. One for her leave, and another for her medical report. Ironically enough, the contents reminded her of the first time she had enlisted from the Survey Corps. The memory seemed so far ago.

Ida knew Hanji was watching her with curiosity while she wrote, so she kept her expression in her best attempt of stoicism. "Has Darius been updated about everything?"

"Pixis and Nile too. For now, the information is privy to only the upper branch."

Ida did not shift her sight from the document. "When will they tell the public?"

"It's not decided yet. A joint meeting will be conducted tomorrow to decide our next step. Historia would be in attendance too."

"And Eren?"

"He's still in the stockades with Mikasa, but…"

The way Hanji cut herself off spoke volumes. Ida finally withdrew her gaze from the document and settled her full attention on the Commander. She smiled at her in amusement, realizing what that shift of her tone meant.

"He dreamt of his father's memories," Hanji shared quietly, "Armin took down all that he learned. It matches with the contents of Grisha's journals."

"Hm."

"He also learned about the thirteen-year tenure."

Ida smirked morosely and nodded again. She had hoped to keep it away from her squad for as long as possible. In retrospect, it was stupid of her. After all that they've been through, why was she treating them like children?

"I see…"

Hanji was surprisingly quiet while she watched her fill in the details. It seemed that she had a lot on her mind. But she wasted no time to speak of the topic hovering in her mind when she found the perfect opportunity to do so.

She found the perfect opportunity when Ida unwittingly paused in her writing, conflicted about what to fill in the blank.

"When will you tell him?" she asked carefully.

Ida felt a chill slither up her spine at the Commander's question. Her heart drummed against her chest as she held the quill over the blank on her medical report.

"Soon." Ida's free hand grasped the fabric laying on top of her abdomen. She kept her expression severe and resolute, but she was actually scared stiff. "It's not like I can keep this from him, Levi deserves to know. And I need to know what he wants to do too."

Just as she said this, Ida brought her quill to the last blank of the document, finally writing the missing name on the document.

Father: Levi Ackerman.

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

The next day, Ida found herself outside the impressive sitting room reserved only for the highest government officials and royalty.

She raised a hand to knock on the polished, dark mahogany door but hesitated before her fist could make contact. She could sense a few life forms in the room where Queen Historia was in.

Today was the day of the joint military meeting. But the meeting wasn't the thing that was setting her nerves on fire. It was because she knew Levi would be there. Ida was resolved that she would tell him the truth today. It had already been a full day since she kept to herself in her room, she couldn't keep avoiding him any longer.

She sighed heavily to herself. Thoughts of her conversation with the Hanji swirled across her consciousness as the weight of her decision began to sink in. She had decided to be a mother—to bring a child into this blood-soaked world. The whole idea was ludicrous. Was she really going to do this? Half the Starkes she knew were demented beings, cursed by their very name. Her sister and uncle were prime examples, weren't they?

But the more this realization set in, the more it became clear to her what she must do.

If she was going to allow this child to be born, then she had to give it the best possible chance of not only survival but the ability to thrive—especially since it would be a Starke-Ackerman child. And for that to happen, this child would need both protection of their parents.

Above all, Levi deserved to know. He deserves to have a part in his child's life. It was his right.

"Are you not going in?"

Ida whirled around, perplexed to see Levi standing rigidly beside her. She hadn't seen him since they arrived back in Rose. Eren, Mikasa, and Armin were behind him, staring at her in confusion as to why she was lingering outside the audience chamber. They appeared equally surprised she didn't even hear them coming.

Instead of waiting for an answer, Levi firmly knocked on the door. "We're here."

"Come in," Historia's personal guard replied.

Without another word, Levi pushed open the door and walked measuredly by her. But before he could get any further, Ida grabbed onto his jacket. He stopped in his tracks and stared at her, in what looked to be confusion from the way his brows furrowed.

Fortunately, Levi caught onto the unsaid message. He nodded to their squad behind them. "Go in without me first."

Their squad followed his order wordlessly. Levi folded his arms and waited until the door closed behind Mikasa to speak. "What is it?"

Ida forced her voice into a straight even, ignoring the pang of hurt over how awkward they had become. "I'm sorry for avoiding you. But can we talk after the meeting? I have something to tell you. It's important."

Levi kept his face emotionless. However, Ida knew that he must have noted how she stressed the importance of what she had to tell him. She could almost feel the frustration coming off him in waves.

"Actually I have been wanting to talk to you too."

Ida was surprised at his willingness. But perhaps he thought that there were bigger things at stake than his reservations. "You have?"

Levi grimaced and dropped his arms, sighing. "Yes. About us—I've given it some thought and I want to know what you think."

Unconsciously, she straightened her spine. "Us?"

"This can't go on, Ida. I've been very conscious about giving you space, but honestly, it's turning into a fucking mess like before. We'll be working with each other, and this whole thing is fucking with my head again and it's a huge pain in the ass."

"We've got bigger problems than that…"

Levi frowned. "What?"

Ida stiffened when she realized what she had just said. "Nothing."

"Don't shit on me like that Ida, what do you mean by bigger problems?"

She gave him a ghost of a smile. It'd be too much of a headache to talk about it now, especially when they had an important meeting scheduled. "Later. We shouldn't keep them waiting."

Ida didn't give a chance for Levi to retort when she pushed the door beside them and stepped in. She knew he wouldn't bring up their private matters with others around. Coward she was to be avoiding it again, but Ida couldn't help it. She wasn't prepared yet.

"There you are," Hanji rose from her seat on her couch, a stack of documents that she had drafted in her hands. "We were waiting for you both."

"Your Majesty." Ida bowed when she saw Historia with her squad. Levi on the other hand didn't bother with the courtesies.

"Oh stop it," Historia threw a sad smile at her, "I was just telling them that it's not even an official position yet."

"It's still expected of me."

Historia laughed nervously at her formal greeting. Her expression turned forlorn once her smiles faded. It appeared that something else had occurred to her. "I'm so sorry for your loss, Ida."

"Thank you," Ida attempted to play it off as though she was unaffected. "We can catch up later. Shall we get going?"

By the time Ida said this, Hanji was already by the door with Levi. "Yes. We have to hurry, we're already quite late."

"Ah, crap!" Jean suddenly cried from the couch. He had dropped the documents he was holding to the floor. "Damn it. Sorry."

Ida rushed forward when she saw him trying to pick the scattered papers back up. She realized his fractured right arm that was bundled in a cast was obviously getting in the way. "Stop. I'll pick it up."

Historia followed suit. "I'll help."

Jean rubbed his neck with his left hand. "Sorry guys."

Ida gave him a smile to tell him that it was okay and then looked to Levi and the rest. "Go ahead without us first. We'll catch up."

Hanji nodded. "Alright, we'll meet you there."

Ida gestured her head to the door. "Jean you too."

They left the room one by one. Alone with Historia, Ida continued to diligently gather the scattered documents on the floor. Just as they were on the last document, Ida's hand stretched out to grab it and Historia did the same.

The Queen's soft delicate fingers brushed against her.

And just like the time where Ida touched her twin, she gasped when she felt the same sensations. A singular spark, small yet profound. The pain was just for a fraction of a second before it was gone. Ida knew what was happening—she was accustomed to the sudden visions by now.

If only she was equally as prepared for what she was about to learn.

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

"Your Majesty."

"Rise, Lady Starke."

Ida heard voices first before her surroundings distorted and then materialized within a split second into something new altogether; a different place entirely.

When her black chasm she was briefly submerged in disappeared, Ida took in her surroundings. She found herself in a large room with tall gilded windows that stretched nearly three stories high. The walls were cobblestone, decorated with tapestries.

A large cushioned throne was the centerpiece of the room.

This isn't the throne room in Sina...

Ida frowned to herself. The place reeked of unnecessary extravagance. The furnishing didn't seem to be that old compared to the ones at Odina's memory. Ida reckoned that the ancestor's memory she was currently invading was probably from more recent times.

Though they were a handful of people within the throne room, it was a sole pair that commanded everyone's unwavering attention; a tall male with a glistening crown perched on his on top of his golden hair and the red-haired woman rising to her feet in front of him, head still lowered in reverence. Though the King's clothes accentuated his regality, her ancestor did not fall short with her cream dress and her hair styled into a low twist bun.

The King's tone was careful and unbidden when he spoke. "I see you've brought your heir to our scheduled monthly meetings today."

"I thought that it was time for him to understand my families' duties." Her ancestor gestured for the young red-head boy by the side of the room, sandwiched between two guards that donned in armor. "Come Jaylen, greet King Fritz."

King Fritz, Ida thought. As she had guessed, he was an ancestor of the Royal Family.

Was this a coincidence? She had touched Historia seconds before all of this happened.

Jaylen looked to be no more than thirteen, but the boy carried himself with an aura that spoke of wisdom.

"Glory to the Eldian Empire," he bowed his head respectfully. "I'm Jaylen Starke, Sire."

"He's a fine boy, Laena," King Fritz smiled. "Let us pray he will not turn out like your father or your grandfather."

The last remarked was thrown in offhandedly, probably meant to be a casual input, but Ida could sense the hostility deep within his baritones. She studied the King's face, but she was unable to detect any hatred, there was a plain indifference.

Laena didn't seem to be perturbed by the King's comment either. Her expression was one of stone, almost as if she was used to it.

"I'll guide him on the right path, Your Majesty. Rest assured."

King Fritz inhaled sharply from his nostrils. Suddenly, his tone took a sudden shift, holding an edge of urgency and seriousness. "Enough with the small talk. Did you manage to get anything? We've been having these meetings for months. Surely the memories of Odina or that of your ancestors have provided you some insight by now."

"The paths do not always come to me and neither can we awakened Starkes control it," Laena replied formally. "Forgive me for my incompetence."

Ida furrowed her brows in confusion. Hanji had theorized that the basis of her powers was that of the strange entity of the paths that Grisha talked about, but she didn't know that the awakened members of her family weren't able to control the Will of Odina.

So, it's random, Ida contemplated, examining the revelation in her mind. But it didn't make sense. After all, these visions come to her sometimes at the most opportune timing—as though someone was controlling it.

Odina?

The hateful name came to the forefront of her mind. Ida's clenched her jaw. Of course, who else but her? The power was named after her. It'd be reasonable to hypothesize that she controlled what her descendants saw, right?

But how, and why? Ida found herself facing yet another glaring question mark.

How does Odina tie into all of this? She was long dead.

The King sighed wearily. "This on-going civil war in our country will tear us apart. Do you know what people are calling it?" He paused and chuckled sarcastically to himself. "The Great Titan War—hah! What a fitting name."

For the first time, a single emotion layered on King's Fritz features, and it was one that Ida could describe as nothing less than contempt. "I'll need a solution, Laena. Are you able to create more Titan Shifters or not?"

Laena remained muted for a few seconds as though to consider something. "Pardon me, Your Majesty, but with the powers of your Founding Titan, it's already enough to maintain order—"

King Fritz raised a hand to stop her. His eyes were now hard. "I do not need a lecture on my family's power from you. The various familial houses might be subservient to the Fritz family, but for decades now, they are in constant conflict with each other over the control of the eight Titans. This conflict between them will never end."

For the first time, a single emotion layered on King's Fritz features, and it was one that Ida could describe as nothing less than contempt.

"The only thing that would stop them is to give each house a Titan so that it would never be necessary to fight for control over the eight Titans again—which brings me back to my question, can you do it, Laena? Answer me."

This time, Laena only dipped her head down. Her silence was enough to confirm his suspicion.

King Fritz rubbed his nose bridge and released a loud annoyed exhale. "And here I thought that with you awakened Starkes having a part of the Red Witch Odina's powers, you'll be capable of a feat like that. It seems I was mistaken." He shot her a pointed glare. "Remind me why is it I keep you Starkes alive again?"

"Your Majesty—"

"We'll conclude the meeting now, Laena," King Fritz swirled around abruptly and made a beeline to his throne, the gold threads on his cloak glistening as it swept behind him. "You may take your leave."

Laena looked like she had something to retort, but she only clenched her fist and bowed. "Your Majesty."

As Ida trailed after Laena, a startling thought occurred to her.

Jaron also wanted to create another Titan Shifter. His thirst for knowledge had even led him to experiment on his own son.

But he was successful, wasn't he?

Elsie Starke's Titan was created by Jaron Starke, or so she heard. Was Laena lying?

Ida hastily dismissed that thought. From the way King Fritz treated Laena with contempt, it would've been wiser to do as he asked, but it truly looked like Laena couldn't do it. Ida's gut feeling was telling her she was missing an important piece of the puzzle, there had to be something she was missing.

When they were out of the throne room, Laena stopped. Her green eyes were blank. She looked to be deep in thought.

"Mother?" Jaylen asked from her side.

"It's nothing," Laena swept past the corridors with haste. "Let's go home. I'm sure your uncle is waiting for us."

A sudden voice interrupted them.

"Is that who I think it is?"

Ida turned around at that mocking voice, meeting with a man in a well-dressed suit jacket and matching pants. The buttons on his suit were fashioned in gold, speaking on behalf of him for his status.

The man passed through Ida's body, eyes fixated on Laena and Jaylen who had also stopped in their tracks.

"Ah yes, that blood-red hair—a symbol of the walking history books of our great nation of Eldia." The man's lips curled in amusement. "Are you here at the palace for your monthly meetings with the king, Laena?"

Laena didn't reply, but she glared at him, teeth clenched together in a fierce grit. Ida observed the hatred in her eyes. It was the type of hatred that she was familiar with because she was sure she looked like that when she looked at Seth too.

"Goodness, is this your son? So, you've chosen your heir?"

"Lord Tybur," Laena finally greeted in a clipped manner.

"You wound my feelings. We're closer than that, aren't we?" His expression was of feigned hurt. "Close enough to drop all our titles and formalities."

Laena regarded him coldly. "What do you want, Herny?"

Past lovers, Ida realized with wide eyes. They have a history together.

Jaylen frowned. "Henry Tybur? The War-Hammer Titan?"

Titan? Ida gasped and recalled what the King had said earlier. She looked at Henry. He must be one of the other houses that possess a Titan Shifter. House Tybur. War-Hammer Titan. Right, best to note this down and tell Hanji later.

Henry gave the boy a satisfied smile. "You're smart for your age, little one. Indeed, just like how the great noble house in Eldia possesses a unique Titan, my house possesses the War-Hammer Titan."

"My house doesn't," Jaylen said dejectedly. "Isn't that right mother?"

Henry smirked. "Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that. The Starkes do have a Titan, but by a millennial old royal decree they are forbidden from ever—"

"Henry!"

Everyone froze at Laena's sudden warning. The name came out in a loud screech. Nothing was evident on her cool face, but her eyes spoke volumes of her deep-rooted desperation. She didn't want Henry to speak any further.

Henry pursed his lips in realization. "Ah… I see… You haven't told him yet. My apologies then."

What? Ida was utterly bewildered. Damn it, what did this stupid Tybur Lord intend to say? The Starkes had a Titan? What was this millennial old royal decree about?

Fuck, Laena, let the damn man talk.

"You swore on your honor that you'll never speak of this again." Long gone were the grace and elegance of Laena, instead, nothing but anger adorned her face.

"Pray forgive me, I just thought that your inheritor would know." Henry regarded her with a small smile of apology. "Rest assured, I intend to take this secret to my grave. It'll do me no good for the King to know that I am aware of this either. It will remain our secret."

Laena's body language told Ida that she didn't trust him, but she made no other retort. "I'll take my leave. Good day, Lord Tybur."

But before she could depart, Henry said something; his tone shifting to something that Ida could only describe as indignation and mockery.

"The civil war between the great Eldian houses seems to have no end. It has carried on for generations already, Laena. For your sake, I hope that he doesn't grow up like your grandfather—the man who started this civil war, and your foolish father who followed him. After all, your son does seem interested in having his own Titan."

Ida was appalled. The Starkes started the civil war? Because they wanted a Titan of their own too? Was this the reason why the King was so hostile to them?

Henry's charismatic smile suddenly turned sinister, "We wouldn't want yet another Starke falling to another Ackerman, do we?"

Ackerman, Ida caught onto the last name. Colour drained from her face.

Laena simply regarded Henry with indifference. She would not allow herself to be taunted nor affected. Instead, she held her head high—as befitted her noble status.

She tugged on her son's hand. "Come, Jaylen."

A plethora of emotions slapped Ida when she saw that Laena was leaving. Shit, now wasn't the time to be shocked. She had to make good use of this chance to find out more about the Starkes. Ida found the strength in her legs to chase after her. Just before Ida disappeared through the end of the corridor, she took one last glance back.

Henry was still watching Laena with his arms crossed as if he found her to be the most entertaining thing he had witnessed today.

Ida frowned, feeling oddly offended.

Even in our history, the Starkes aren't well-liked...

"Mother?" Jaylen finally broke the silence when they were at another set of long corridors. "Who are the Ackermans?"

"A family of soldiers loyal to the King," Laena answered in a matter-of-fact tone. "They were the knights by your side just now."

"Oh, yes. I remember. Uncle told me about them. They killed grandfather, didn't they?"

Laena's tight voice did its best to conceal her emotions. "Yes, which is why you must never go against the King, Jaylen. We must always serve the rightful King."

It was the same as what we already know, Ida concluded ruefully. The Ackermans were a family that was loyal to the King…

Ida felt a shudder crawl up her spine. It made her feel numb just thinking about what a bloody entwined history Levi's and her ancestors shared.

"Yes, I know that," Jaylen nodded. "Then what does Lord Tybur mean that we have our own Titan? We don't have one, do we? Even though we are also one of the great houses?"

Laena remained muted for a long while before she answered his question with one of her own. It looked to be a lesson. "Jaylen, why do I have these monthly meetings with the King?"

Jaylen was delighted by her inquiry. He was eager to showcase what he had learned. "To tap into the Will of Odina. Because the Founding Titan's power is the trigger for you to access the memories of our ancestors and even Odina Starke's. You have to get this trigger at least once a month to strengthen your connection to our awakened ancestors that are in the paths."

Ida's heart skipped a beat. She stopped, wide-eyed.

What?

That was the damn trigger? Contact with the Founding Titan?

But she had made contact with Eren in an experiment that Hanji conducted. In fact, Ida had made contact with Eren multiple times in the past long before her powers suddenly manifested. It didn't work for her.

As Ida thought deep for an answer, something occurred to her—Eren wasn't of royal blood. They had already determined he couldn't access the true powers of a Founding Titan. That was the only difference Ida could find between Laena's situation and hers, and she damned sure that was the case.

Finally...

After so long, she finally discovered the trigger.

Fuck…

Ida muttered an expletive. But it was no consolation either. She would need a Royal Blooded Founding Titan. Historia's beautiful face bubbled in Ida's mind and she forcibly shrugged the mental image off.

No.

She curled her fingers into tights balls beside her.

There had to be another way.

After a long silence, Laena looked down at her son and gave him a sad smile. "And why is it that your uncle is unable to tap into the Will of Odina like me?"

"That's because you've awakened, am I correct, mother?" Jaylen grinned proudly. "That's the reason why you're chosen to be the head of the Starkes when you were just a little girl!"

Laena nodded. "That is correct, you have learned well."

Jaylen tilted his head. "But mother, what does this have to do with our own Titan?"

"We do possess a piece of Ymir Fritz's soul; it was our ancestor's Odina's most precious possession," Laena explained. "The tenth Titan. But our ancestors have long surrendered it to the ancestors of King Fritz as proof of our loyalty. You must never speak of it, Jaylen. Not even to your younger brother. Only the head of the family is privy to this fact."

That soul…

Ida felt as if a lightning bolt had zapped her. She blinked at the surreality of everything as she connected the dots. Somehow, Ida knew for a fact that this was how Jaron made Elsie a Titan Shifter. She didn't know how Jaron had managed to get his hands on it, but she was certain this was it.

The tenth Titan. Jaron. The Royal Family. Elsie. How does it all connect?

Why did the Starkes not have their own Titan and why did they want one? Ida's gut feeling told her it wasn't as simple as it made out to be.

"I understand," Jaylen nodded, suddenly looking wiser for his age. "I will live up to your expectations, mother."

"But now that you know this, there is something else you must know."

"I'm listening."

A morose smirk perched on the edge of her lips. Laena was silent for a long time, expression haunting. Ida watched her cautiously as her stomach knotted. Something told her she wouldn't like what she was going to hear.

"The Founding Titan's power is just a substitute for the real trigger."

The sensation as Ida stared at Laena was akin to having molten iron poured onto her chest.

The real trigger?

Laena leveled her eyes ahead before she continued, "Indeed, the King's power is one way to trigger our powers. But there's only so much a substitute could do. It has its limitations. Hence, I'm only able to see glimpses of the recent past and not more."

"Then mother, what is the real trigger then?"

Laena smiled sadly when she answered, "The real trigger for us to fully utilize our power and learn the complete truth of this world… is a Titan that is a descendent of the Starke bloodline."

An unspeakable horror began to eat away at Ida's body as she mindlessly back-stepped away from Laena. Her hope, however small it was, started bleeding away from her until there was nothing left but despair.

This was why the Starkes started the civil war for their own Titan…?

Laena's face twisted and her words tumbled out brimming with hatred, "A Starke Titan and an awakened Starke… with this combination, some say we might even meet Odina herself."

"Oh God..." Ida shook as her thoughts plunged into terror. "Oh God…"

The shock assaulting Ida's body was no match for the heartache she was experiencing. The events of the past replayed vividly in her mind: the time her mother—a Starke Titan—touched her to show her memory with Jerome Starke, how her powers started manifesting afterward... the time when she first made contact with Ivy that triggered her first entry into Odina's memory and the successions of visions after their fateful meeting...

"No…" Ida whispered in horror and clasped her mouth. She didn't want to believe it. "No, that can't be..."

The slow, terrible realization that she was the last Starke within the walls slowly crept into her, and Ida, unable to retaliate against it, could only stand there helplessly, flattened under the revelations.

No, it can't be true.

Because then…

Ida stared back at Laena, horrified. She prayed desperately that she was wrong. That perhaps, everything she was teaching her son now was a lie.

Ida prayed desperately for salvation for her soul.

But Laena only smiled at her son, green eyes conveying her true emotion of sadness.

"This is the reason why despite being a great house, we do not have a Titan Shifter. For centuries the King has forbidden any Starke to transform to even a mindless Titan. Because he fears us; he fears our power. The creator can also be the destroyer and the King knows this. The Royal family are terrified that we might one day remove the power of the Titans from the world. But they couldn't afford to eradicate us completely either. As the descendants of Odina who created this power, they are afraid of the repercussions, so they keep us suppressed instead."

Ida froze all over, unable to process under a new whirlwind that swept and shook her to the core.

Laena sighed and went on with difficulty. "This power is our greatest protection and our greatest downfall." Her green eyes darkened. "Our family has a wretched long history of its members rebelling against the King. You're old enough now, Jaylen. So tell me, why do you think that's the case?"

The young Starke pursed his lips in thought but eventually shook his head. "I don't know."

"Greed," Laena forewarned. "Greed for power. Because we've created a King, created a God. And we'll always want more."

Though it felt like her body was rearranging itself from the inside, Ida forced herself to listen. Her mind was swirling with unspeakable terror, but she knew that she couldn't afford to pass up this chance to learn everything.

If was going to rebel against fate, she would've to confront her fate head-on. She would not pay for her naivety any longer.

Laena placed a hand comfortingly on her son's head. She appeared proud almost for a moment, but soon, her countenance turned into one of agony.

"Do you remember what I told you about the awakening of our family?"

Jaylen nodded, looking somewhat bewildered, "You told me that the awakened ones of our family carry a great burden along with the immense power. Mother, will I have to awaken one day too?"

Laena smiled and averted her eyes elsewhere. "You won't have to."

"What? But didn't uncle say that it is tradition that the head of our family must always be an awakened—"

"No." She met her son's confused eyes. "No, Jaylen."

Her chin raised slightly as she regarded her son. Her shoulders tensed in resolution. Now, Laena was no longer speaking to Jaylen as his mother, but the head of their house. "I need you to promise me something."

Jaylen seemed skeptical but he nodded eventually.

"Promise me that your children, and your grandchildren... However long our bloodline will continue, promise me that you will ensure that no one will ever know about this awakening. No one must ever awaken again."

Ida mindlessly took a step back. The words of her late mother were summoned by this revelation, "It was more of a folklore that was passed down from generations; no one in our family has awakened the power for a long time… until recently, of course."

"But why not?" Jaylen inquired innocently. "Isn't it better and safer for our house that we are strong?"

Laena didn't answer immediately. Instead, she got to her knees and guided her son to his chest. Jaylen stood ever still, nervously embracing his mother back.

"Mom...?"

Laena only pulled her son tighter to her as though to negate his fears. She rested her chin on his shoulder, a hand to the back of his head. It was only Ida, who was standing behind Jaylen, that could see her agonized expression. It was a morbid expression of a mother fearing for the safety of her child.

It was an expression that mirrored every inch of Ida's now as she soaked in the terrible revelations and grappled with the complications that it would bring.

"Because Jaylen…" Laena finally breathed with difficulty and wisdom, "this power is a double-edged sword… and the King will never turn his eye away from us..."

Laena slowly lifted her head, green eyes suddenly adorned with yellow. Ida felt herself shudder in terror when she looked straight at her. She felt as if Laena could see her there, lamenting how both of them were crumpled under the weight of their cruel destiny.

"That… and because the truth we will see… will be enough to kill us."

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

I am the last Starke within these walls.

The words repeated her head like an abscess. Ida sat glumly in the large meeting room, sandwiched between Hanji and Levi in a seat that was meant for Erwin. The words, though so simple and held no other meaning, carried forth a tidal wave of conflicting emotions.

The last. The last. The last.

I am the last Starke.

Fate was nothing but malicious as if actively ridiculing her.

She knew Hanji was about to present the Survey Corps' findings to the military upper brass, but Ida wasn't intent on listening. Currently, she had bigger and more pressing issues to deal with.

As Hanji narrated her speech, Ida found herself staring at the Queen. By some rare chance, she had touched Historia and learned a great deal. It was something to be celebrated, but as Laena Starke had foretold, this demented power was nothing more than a double-edged sword, carrying cruel truths that were enough to kill her.

She closed her eyes in bitter resignation.

The last Starke…

Ida desperately wished that this wasn't the truth but that would only be lying to herself. She couldn't explain it any other way—this was the reason why this innate power awakened inside of her. Her touch with Elsie manifested her powers, and her touch with Ivy triggered it further.

The timing was exact, there was no other explanation.

Monthly meetings, Ida studied the memory of Laena in her head, attempting to piece together the puzzle. In order to maintain a strong connection with the paths to receive these memories from my ancestors, the awakened Starke would be required to at least be in contact with a Starke Titan once a month…

For the love of the Walls, that made stupid sense as well.

Jaron had monthly meetings with Elsie too. She had seen it in her mother's memory, didn't she? Forehead touching and crap.

Fuck.

She made contact with Ivy's Titan power just three days ago. A month then. She had less than a month before the connection with the paths waned. After that, Ida assumed her visions will probably become less frequent until her full piss-poor 'magical' connections with the paths faded and she would be unable to travel into the memories of her ancestors any longer.

And if whatever her mother wrote in her diary was true, then the only way to learn how to remove the power of Titans from the world was to trigger the Will of Odina and reach the Devil on Earth herself.

But how...?

How the hell was she going to do that when she was the last Starke within the walls?

A month. She had just a short month. What if she didn't manage to learn about a method to remove the Titan power from the world by the time her connection to the paths faded?

What then?

Before Ida knew it, her hands crept to her stomach and she felt her heart wrench in dread.

She was the last Starke in the walls. But not for long. Soon, another Starke will be born. Her child. Levi's child. Their child who would be fated for a miserable life. An innocent child who had no other sin than being born to the wrong parents.

There was denying the floodgates of truth any longer. Ida knew all they needed was a new trigger; a new Starke that could act as a catalyst for her powers. With two Starkes, one awakened and one a Titan, they could learn the truth of the world.

A constant connection to the paths could be actively maintained.

Then, Paradis could finally achieve their goals: to rid the Titan power from the world so that they would no longer be the hated race of devils.

The solution was so damn simple yet so fucking complicated.

With the revelation that humanity was alive outside the walls and that they were the center point of the world's accumulated hatred, this pregnancy couldn't come at a worse timing.

Suddenly, Ida found herself scouring the inhabitants of the room. As though her deepest fears had materialized in front of her, the comrades seated in the room who had been supporting the Survey Corps quest for freedom no longer appeared like comrades before her.

Instead, Ida saw a searing visceral hue of blood-red around them. Enemies, she saw now. Every one of them who wasn't a Starke—of her blood. Enemies that should never know about the existence of her child. Enemies that couldn't be trusted.

Enemies that she might even have to kill to protect her family.

There must be another way, any other way…

Her deranged sister's twisted face bubbled out from the depth of her subconscious as an answer that would solve her problems.

Self-loathing coursed through her. But she had foolishly let that bitch go—let her one chance go. Ivy was loyal to Marley and had probably pissed off back there. Capturing Ivy wasn't an immediate option.

And if Ivy wasn't an immediate option, then...

She sat frozen in her seat, dismay prevailing over her.

No. What else? What other way was there? She had to think. There had to be something. A loophole. Some other damn fucking way that doesn't involve sacrificing her child to become a Titan—

"Ida," Levi's low voice interrupted her thoughts.

She faced him and plastered an icy countenance. Levi didn't say anything, but he stared at her hands below the desk on her lap.

Ida looked down in confusion and gasped. Her fingernails had dug into her palms and drew blood. Without saying anything more, Levi took the handkerchief from his pocket and silently passed it to her under the table.

Ida muttered a curse and quickly wiped off the blood.

When she was done, Ida glanced back at Levi. His arms were folded tightly as he listened to the meeting. The little creases between his brows and under his eyes suddenly made him appear his age. There was no anger present—only confusion.

She knew he was concerned about her. However, Levi couldn't simply interrupt such an important meeting. Thank God, she wouldn't know how to explain it either.

Should she tell Levi about this? He would never betray her, right? She owed him honesty either way—this was his child too. But then again, this wasn't just about her—it concerns the fate of humanity.

And before anything, Levi would never…

Suddenly Erwin's pasty-white face bubbled from her subconscious.

"Ida Starke?"

She felt a quick nudge to her ribcage from Levi. Ida looked up to see everyone in the meeting room staring at her.

Fuck, she had spaced out too much.

Ida rose from her seat when addressed. "Sorry."

Zackly cleared his throat pointedly. "Ida, can you attest that everything Hanji said is true?"

"Yes," Ida spoke in a clear voice as she addressed the military brass. "I possess the ability to remove the power of the Titans."

Nile frowned, trying to work out what all this meant, "And how will you do that?"

Ida remained silent at that question, carefully and mindfully crafting the words in her head, but before she could elaborate Hanji took the cue to explain on her behalf.

"Unfortunately, we don't know the method yet. However, Elsie Starke believes that if an awakened Starke manages to learn the truth of the world—of the creation of the first Titan, Ymir—we will eventually learn the method to remove the Titan power from the world."

"I see," Zackly adjusted his glasses as his eyes swept across his documents. "So, am I right to presume that it all boils down to if you can enter the memory of Odina Fritz—the ancestor of the Starkes?"

"Fritz?" she heard an officer gasp.

The resounding murmurs grew in volume.

Historia's eyes enlarged slightly. She stared at Ida in stunned silence, the unsaid question of whether they were related shining through her blue eyes.

Pixis was the one who prompted the question everyone wanted to be answered, "Ida, my dear, perchance are you—"

"No. I am not of royal blood, that much is certain. Jaron detested the fact that he was unable to control the Founding Titan."

With her lineage clarified, the murmurs finally died down and the audience returned to a silent perturbed state. Zackly continued with his barrage of questions, "It's written here that your power to see into the memories of your ancestors comes at random?"

Ida mentally prepared herself for the dreaded question she didn't want to answer. "Yes, sir."

"Hm." Zackly hummed thoughtfully. "But then again, you haven't discovered this power until you met Jaron and Elsie, did something happen then?"

"Nothing of note," Ida was surprised at how natural the lie came to her. "I have reported everything already, sir."

Zackly stroked his greying beard, deep in thought, "Hm. That means all we have to do is wait then."

Ida felt her chest tighten as Zackly said this. He didn't know that sooner or later, she would completely lose this power if she didn't maintain a connection to the paths.

Oblivious to this, Zackly continued speaking, "As Hanji had said, all hope is not lost for us yet. Eren Yeager has controlled the Titan power once and—"

"It can't be!"

A chair creaked noisily on the floorboard as that shout reverberated through the room. Stunned silence lingered the atmosphere as all heads in the room snapped to look at Eren.

"You scared me," Hanji muttered, bewildered. "What was that all about?"

Eren looked equally perplexed at his outburst. "Well, I… I… just now…"

Zackly cleared his throat, "Please continue, our Titan."

"It's nothing."

Levi arched brow. "What?"

Eren slowly sank back to his seat, his head hung low. "Sorry for interrupting the meeting..."

"Ah… I see…" Hanji murmured. "It would seem he is having a phase of sorts. One where he acts up and randomly yells things."

Zackly nodded. "Oh, I see. That's unfortunate. He's at that age, I guess."

Pixis twirled the tips of his mustache with steady fingers. "Must be nice to be that age."

He knows something, Ida realized, still looking at Eren from her peripheral view. It wasn't just about puberty, she knew, why the hell are these people passing it off as just that?

Maybe it was because she was currently in the same state of inner turmoil that she could clearly see the conflict hidden deep within the underlines of Eren's expression. Tense lines formed on his forehead as he threw a quick glance at Armin and Mikasa beside him, and then at Historia.

Ida's brows knotted. She looked back to the front.

She couldn't be sure. But her gut feeling was telling her he was keeping something a secret as well.

Should she voice her doubts to Levi or Hanji and get him to explain?

In the end, Ida decided not to bring any more attention to Eren for now. Partially because she was concerned about him, and partially because she couldn't afford a diversion now when she had troubling secrets she had to keep as well. If Eren kept silent, there had to be a good reason for it.

An officer from the Military Police stadium raised his hand. "A question, sir."

"Speak."

"Ida Starke and Historia Reiss—as the last living member of their family, they must be guarded."

Zackly nodded. "Go on."

"Which brings me to the bigger question." The officer paused and diverted his icy gaze to Ida. "Is the Survey Corps confident of ensuring her survival?"

Ida's eyes expanded to the size of baseballs at what he was implying. She opened her mouth to retort but before she could, Levi grabbed her wrist in a warning for her not to interrupt.

"I agree," someone else from the Garrison stadium said, "Ida is the last Starke. If we lose her, doesn't that mean that the only way of getting rid of our Titan power will also be gone?"

"Her powers to remove the Titans would make her a target for Marley wouldn't it?"

The shared fear of never being able to remove the power of Titans—the reason that made them a target of the world—brought forth a wave that swept through the inhabitants of the room. Ida could only glare at the audience silently. Beside her, Levi and Hanji remained eerily quiet as well, with dark expressions on their faces.

They all understood where this would lead up to.

Another officer raised their hand in agreement. "I propose that Ida should be guarded deep within Wall Sina like the Queen. She should be safely confined while we wait for her visions to orchestrate a method."

"There is still her twin sister," Pixis inputted as he shifted his folded arms uncomfortably. "Ida is a formidable soldier in the Survey Corps and one of our greatest assets."

"A twin sister that is with the Armoured, Cart, and Beast Titan!" The same officer who brought this topic snapped. "An enemy from Marley that wants to kill us all!"

Controlled arguments broke out in the audience room until Zackly calmed them down with a simple raise of his hand. "I acknowledge your point, Ethan," he nodded to the officer, "but before anything, what do the Survey Corps say about this?"

"I refuse," Ida stated tonelessly. It annoyed her to even think that she would be confined like a prisoner. "I am capable of surviving as proven time and time again."

"Ida," came Hanji's stern voice.

Her single eye flickered to her abdomen briefly, as though to remind her of the child growing within her. Ida understood immediately: she had to take a leave of absence in any case, perhaps it wouldn't make a difference as well.

Even so, permanently leaving the Survey Corps would mean leaving Levi's side to be trapped in a house somewhere, surrounded by guards like Historia. Ida would kill herself before that happened, she belonged here, with him.

She was born to fight. She lived and breathed in fights. For the people that died to get them this far. For Erwin. She had to continue fighting.

Because this war was not over yet.

"With all due respects," another officer stood up and addressed the silent room that had suddenly turned tense. "Forgive me for bringing this up, but now that we are at this topic, I believe another thing must be discussed."

"What is it?" Zackly prompted.

"The delicate matter of the continuation of their lineage."

"What?" Historia was stunned.

Within a split second, the air in the room turned tense. Sounds of creaking chairs soon followed. Levi and Eren stood up simultaneously, evidently furious. But before they could even say something, Hanji intervened.

"She's a child!" the Commander bellowed, one singular eye narrowed down into a frightening slit as she glared at the officer. "Are you seriously insisting on something like that, Darren?!"

"I believe that the matter of the Royal Consort can be further delayed until she comes of age," Darren said in a deadly drawl. "However, the main concern now is the last surviving member of the Starke lineage."

Levi lost his temper at that. His hand slammed down to the desk and wood creaked an awful sound. He was almost snarling at this point. "You fucking piece of scu—"

Ida placed a firm hand at his shoulder to stop him from saying anything more. He resisted, his tongue sharp and ready to last out. But then his gray eyes met Ida's green ones, it appeared he knew there was no point. She wanted to be the one to speak.

Despite an eruption of anger and profanities that she was sure he was about to hurl their way, Levi merely scoffed and looked away.

After Levi had settled down, an intense combination of fear and anger inundated Ida. How the two emotions could possibly be mixed was beyond her, but she only forced herself to face the Premier, green eyes hardened.

"I understand the responsibilities that I carry. However, I will not have any children."

Pixis spoke up afterward, "Surely, gentlemen, this talk isn't necessary now at this point of time."

"We are discussing the future of the Walls; this talk is important!" Benedict argued his point loudly. "Ida Starke is a too important figure for just the Survey Corps to handle alone!"

Murmurs of agreement came from the audience.

"And might I remind you, sir, that we are the ones who spearhead the battle for humanity and saved the future of humanity." Hanji was the one who spoke. Her voice was condescending. It somewhat reminded Ida of Erwin. "We are the ones who have protected Eren Yeager to this day—I am sure you could recall."

Her single eye flickered over to the elderly officers in the room; as her gaze fell on them, they stiffened, bracing themselves for any onslaught she had prepared next. "Or would any of you care to dispute that as well?"

"Benedict, stand down," Nile reigned in his unruly subordinate in an even voice before he could say anymore. "The last thing we need right now is infighting among us. We have more important things to do than bicker."

Benedict glared at his superior, before begrudgingly standing down.

Zackly, who had been silent the entire time, interlocked his fingers and rested his elbows on the desk. He stared at Ida, embalmed in contemplative silence. Ida faced his dissecting stare with determination, nothing evident on her face.

But in truth, she was shaking internally.

Whether it was from anger or fear, she didn't know.

Finally, the Premier released an exasperated sigh. "Hm, from what I heard, you were in a relationship with Levi—"

At the mention of his name, Levi bristled and made a movement to shoot back an angry retort, but Ida held him back with an urgent tug to his shoulder.

"Rumors, sir," Ida interjected coolly before Levi got a word in. "We are nothing more than Captain and subordinate."

Levi looked at her, eyes slightly wide. Then, he frowned—he understood what she was doing. It was too risky for them right now, they had to deny it.

"Is it? Nevertheless, I find it hard to disagree that we need to ensure the continuity of your bloodline eventually. Especially so because you refuse to retire from the Survey Corps. If you fall in battle or if an incident occurs, then all will be lost." He paused and regarded her carefully. "Surely, you understand we can't risk that?"

That was enough for Ida. She no longer had any hopes left. It was the last straw she would give them. She would no longer show any courtesy.

Fuck it. Fuck them. Fuck humanity. Fuck all of this.

She was right.

Enemies. All of them. Never she was more certain. At that moment, Ida decided that the military must never know about this pregnancy. There was no morality involved when desperation was at a high. When shit hit the fan, these people would sacrifice her child if need be.

That was the last thing Ida wanted—she would never accept that. She never wanted her child to be subjected to such a fate. She never wanted her child to be prosecuted by Marley for merely being a fucking Starke.

She never wanted this.

This life. This sin. This burden.

Everything would end with her. If she had to plot with the Devil for it, she would. She was fine if she had alone to pay the price, but not the child she would bring to this world.

Before she could restrain herself, Ida felt her body move to grab the glass of water in front of her. Without a second thought, she smashed it on the desk. Everyone in the room stood up in shock at what had transpired.

"Ida?!" Levi and Hanji shouted, but she ignored them.

The shard of glass cut into her palms. Blood streamed down to her elbows, but Ida didn't even feel the pain when she brought the shard near her neck.

"What is she doing?!" she heard someone yell when they realized what she was about to do.

"Stop her!"

"Ida-san!" Her squad called from behind her simultaneously.

Hanji was mortified. "Ida!"

Controlled chaos spread like a plague in the audience room.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Levi was the only one brave enough to move forward and grab her wrist, attempting to pull it down, but he surely wasn't using his full strength because Ida managed to resist it easily. "Put that down."

"Don't touch me," she warned. Levi scowled at the hostility throbbing in her voice. She could tell that he was measuring the severity of that statement and her intentions. He knew she was not joking.

When Levi released the grip on her, Ida glared at the Premier. Nothing but challenge inhabited her eyes. She would not allow them to dictate her fate.

"I will kill myself here and now and humanity can rot to the depths of hell with me."

Benedict rose again. Indignation clouded his voice as he shouted, "You dare! You will condemn our people to—"

Ida pressed the shard to her neck. This action caused a small dribble of blood to leak down her collarbone.

"Try me," she warned frostily. She knew she was being irrational, but it couldn't be helped. "I won't say it again, I will not have any children. This bloody war will end with this generation. There is no need for the Queen or me to fucking propagate our bloodline."

"Language," said Zackly sternly. "I will have order in this meeting. Put that down immediately, Ida Starke. I will not repeat myself again."

"Ida." Unable to watch any longer, Levi grabbed her arm and hissed next to her ear, "Anything you say will be held against you in the future."

She ignored him.

"Ida," Levi hissed again, and this time, Ida knew it was a warning.

"I am against this as well," Eren suddenly spoke loudly from behind her. "You can't force them. This isn't freedom—they have their rights to decide!"

"Eren," Hanji interjected warningly for him to stop talking.

When Ida refused to budge from her position, Levi glared at the military in chief.

"My dear, please put that down," Pixis urged from the side platform. When she didn't listen, he sighed and addressed the room, "Actually, I find myself agreeing with them—surely we aren't in such an urgent state that we have to force her."

Nile scoffed and rolled his eyes, but the tapping of his fingers grew more rapid. Then, he finally spoke, "Pixis makes a point, coercing her into this seems, quite frankly, too extreme to me."

"Sir, I believe it's wise to listen," Historia advised Zackly beside her. "She's serious and as you said, the Walls do need a Starke."

Wilting under the Queen's advice, the Commanders' input and Levi's intimidating glare, Zackly eventually relented.

"Alright, I understand all your sentiments on this matter," Zackly said calmly. "I assure you the military does not intend to force anyone. It was merely a discussion. However, in turn, I have to insist on behalf of everyone that Ida has to leave the Survey Corps and move to Wall Sina."

She considered that proposition for a long moment and decided that was a small win for now. Ida knew she was already pushing it. Levi was right, anything she said would be held against her in the future.

"You should be grateful," Ida said, moving her gaze to Benedict and Darren. They visibly stiffen in their seats.

"You should," she repeated loudly for everyone to hear, "were it not for the Survey Corps and for the order of humanity." Her green eyes flickered again. "I would kill you myself."

Without another word, Ida threw the bloody shard to the ground and swept past the room, storming to the door.

Levi followed her, but before he left the room, he stopped in front of the platform of Military Police officers. They were the most vocal throughout the discussion just now and it seemed like Levi remembered.

"The next time any of shits even think of doing something like that," Levi warned icily, watching them winced from the severity of his tone, "I will re-arrange your fucking faces."

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

"What you did was foolish."

He wrapped the bandage around her hand. The bleeding had stopped, thank fuck for that—but it was a small injury for someone as reckless as her. Currently, Levi was more concerned about the state of mind of the woman sitting infront of him.

Ida seemed reluctant to speak, or even move for that matter. He supposed after the shit storm back then, she was in shock. But the damn woman was a fool either way for pulling a stupid stunt like that, he was actually a little hopeful she'd regret it.

Levi glanced at her again, willing her to say something. The best he got was her to blink. Now that he looked at her more, her eyes seemed disconcertingly clouded as she stared at the table.

He grimaced inwardly at his own observation.

Damn it.

Finally, Ida spoke, "I would have done it."

He breathed in sharply. She was still going on about that? Levi couldn't fight off the grit of his teeth. "Shut up, Ida."

She smirked mirthlessly. "I would."

"Tsk." Levi knew it was all bullshit—this wasn't the woman he knew. Ida would never do anything to put humanity at risk.

And yet, Ida kept talking.

"I was close to doing that. I would've killed myself if they didn't concede."

Ida sat before Levi quietly, green eyes dark. She appeared to have hoped that the emphasis placed on her last words would sink in. That was when Levi stopped dead and looked at her, unable to prevent his mouth from hanging agape and find the words. Surely, she couldn't be serious? But Levi saw the look of determination dancing in the green eyes.

Fuck. She was?

He slumped back against his chair, fingers moving for his temples. "You would damn humanity? Put the lives of your squad—everyone—in danger forever? You would risk that? Because fuck knows when those people out there will ever see us as humans."

He couldn't help the hostility in his voice, not that Ida would've mind anyway.

She scoffed softly. "So, are you saying that it's okay?"

Levi got the distinct impression that the mention of humanity irked her, so he explained himself, "No. Those fuckers who suggested that deserved to be put down, but if you went through with that threat just because of what those scums said, you're being selfish and stupid."

Ida flashed a self-deprecating smile at him as if she agreed with him. "I guess… that's the type of person I am. I would've rather die than bring a child into this world that would only be used as a replacement for me—a child that would inherit the burdens of my bloodline."

Levi couldn't help but flinch at the way she said it. His fingers left his temples. "I would've found another way."

"What other way is there?"

"You're being dramatic," Levi snapped. "No one can force you to do anything. Not that you would stand for it, your shit-show back there speaks for itself."

"But it's true, isn't it?" Ida's tone was rising, the sharpness of it predominant now. "They made a point. I am the last Starke. What if this war stretches on beyond my lifespan? If I die in battle? What happens then?"

Levi found himself unable to reach for something logical to say to her, to make her understand that he would never allow something like that to happen—but that was it, wasn't it? Ida was talking hypothetically, and they had to plan for every shitty situation. He could actually see her logic, which was the worrying thing.

Ida seemed to have caught on to his hesitation. "The best way is to ensure that… there will always be a Starke."

Her words came out defeated, almost as if it pained her to say it.

Levi's throat went a little dry. "I would've found another fucking way," he growled at her. "I wouldn't allow that to happen and neither would shitty glasses."

She merely smiled. It was the same smile Ida always flashed when he reassured her, but this time, it seemed sad, so broken. It made his chest constrict unbearably for some reason.

"Do you trust them?" she asked.

Levi realized she was referring to the Military brass. Trust? Shit. Of course, he didn't. There was a certain degree of trust that was necessary, but it wasn't like the deep-rooted one he shared with his comrades.

"No."

"The Survey Corps is only down to ten of us," she reminded him, "if they wanted to push for it, there's little we could do."

His eyes thinned at her defiant expression. "I'll give it a damn chance if that meant keeping you safe."

Ida wasn't listening. "This isn't like you…"

"I'm aware of the situation," he said seriously. "Although I'm not sure what options we have left then."

"Right, we have no options—there is no other way, you know this."

She stared straight back at him. It wasn't what he was referring to, but shit—Ida got him. Levi fixed his jaw. He should've known this would be the reaction he'd get. He'd tried to prepare himself. But still, Ida never failed to aggravate him.

Levi did his best to keep his face blank, "This isn't the time to talk about this shit."

From the way her breathing quickened, he knew that Ida was close to losing it. "Then when...?"

He shut his eyes quickly, waiting for the eruption of anger and profanities that he was sure she was about to hurl his way. But he was met with only silence.

"Ida," he sighed tiredly. "It won't come to that."

Levi hoped he had managed to say it with more confidence than he felt. The image of her corpse flashed across his mind, but he pushed it away.

"You don't know that. So shouldn't we at least talk about this?" The sarcasm was now profound in her voice, "Or should we just wait for them to force it on me? Is that what you want?"

There it was. Levi could feel the anger beginning to bubble beneath her surface.

She scoffed. "Hah. Maybe they might even find a partner for me because this fucking war doesn't seem like it'll end anytime soon!"

He didn't flinch at the loudness of her voice. Levi had expected her outburst, yet it still caused deep chaotic emotions to rile within him all the same. Anger it seemed, was the most predominant one. Levi glared at her, but her gaze didn't waver.

Slowly, Ida faltered and looked away shamefully. Her voice grew soft.

"I'm not like you, Levi."

Levi gazed at her for a moment longer, before rising abruptly out of his chair. The wooden legs scraped across the floor dramatically.

"I am not like you," Ida continued despite his adverse reaction to the conversation, "I'm not as selfless. I don't have any honor. I don't care about humanity as much as you. You… you are duty-bound. Unlike me, you have always done the right thing for humanity... no matter the price."

He raked his fingers through his hair. He knew where she was going with this. "Don't do this. Do not fucking do this."

She ignored the warning, "When the time comes, you know it. If there's a necessity for it… even you would find it hard to argue—"

"I wouldn't."

His words came out strangled, forced almost. Levi whirled around and leveled his eyes at her.

"I wouldn't," he repeated seriously. "Never."

"You would," Ida said softly, but the finality of her words was so, so damningly clear. "Because humanity is more important than—"

That was when Levi decided he had fucking enough. He bolted to her angrily just as Ida stood up as an instinctive reaction. His hands slammed to the desk. "For fuck sake Ida, you are important to me!"

Rage engulfed her irises. "Like how Erwin was important to you?! But you still let him die!"

The regret was instant on Ida's face—her realization of what she had just said was clear. She opened her mouth, in disbelief at what she had done. Almost instantly, Levi hissed and backed away. The damage was done. The damning sentence haunted him all over again. He adjusted his cravat uncomfortably and attempted to calm himself. Levi knew she didn't mean it, but the ache wouldn't leave, and the tension between wouldn't disappear no matter what he did.

Fuck.

Why the fuck couldn't Ida just drop the topic already? What was it that Ida wanted to hear? Lies? Was that it? Shitty lies that held no merit?

"Levi, I'm so sorry…" Ida reached out to him. Her words were sincere. "I didn't mean it, I know—"

"Don't you think I know this?!" Levi was in her face before he could stop himself, his hands going to her arms. "Do you think I chose this?! I told you not to be involved with scum like me, because that's what I fucking do, okay?! I can't drop everything and prioritize only you!"

The way Ida was staring at him with such brokenness was nearly enough to shatter his resolve. His voice caught in his throat momentarily, but Levi squeezed his hands around her arm and forced himself onwards.

"I know," Levi said resentfully. Suddenly, he couldn't find it in him to look at her. "You have all the damned rights to doubt me. If I'm being honest, I can't promise what would happen in the future—I can't. But I won't let that happen to you. I'll finish this war before anything."

When he was done, Levi let her go, creating space between them before his violent mood started to get the best of him.

Ida was silent for a long time, and he wondered what she was thinking and whether she believed him. Maybe she was recalling all those times he placed his duty above her, or the sickening time that he heartlessly left for her dead at Reiss Chapel and prioritized retrieving Historia and Eren.

His chest tightened at the thought and he grimaced. Damn it. He needed to get a handle on this whole situation, fast.

"Levi, I..."

"A minute," Levi forced through gritted teeth. "Just fucking give me a minute."

Levi knew she was staring after him, and he knew of the hurt on her face, but the maelstrom of thoughts and emotions Ida had just set off for him had made the room spin, and he needed air.

Air, and perhaps a good punching bag.

Before he could sweep out of the room, Ida caught onto him. Her arms hugged him from the back. Levi felt himself freeze over, confused at her reaction. He felt a lump caught in his throat as he waited for her to speak.

"Don't leave me," came her defeated voice. "Please, just stay with me now." Her hold on him tightened in desperation. "Please not now. I need you."

Levi knew he should've left. He should've just shaken her off and fucked off somewhere—but her frightened plea was like icy shards in his heart.

Why was she so frightened? It was odd. in their private moments, Ida always kept her pride. Against his better judgement, Levi found him breaking the hug. He turned back to her.

No tears. Just green eyes that looked at him—adoring him as if he was her only lifeline.

They held eye contact for a long time and it made Levi wonder. After all the shit he did to her, after the recent betrayal, after everything… why the hell was it that Ida still wanted him by his side? Was she settling for less because she thought she didn't deserve better? That mere thought vexed him.

With caution, Ida reached out first, her fingers gently brushing against his own.

Why? The unsaid question swirled in his head, yet no answer came to mind.

His heart ached at her touch. Painful it was, excruciatingly incessantly painful to even be by her side, to be touched by her—knowing that after everything he had done, he was undeserving of her affection. Yet, the pain came with warmth, and like a fool, he couldn't bring himself to pull away.

Why? Levi continued to wonder, staring deep into her eyes. He couldn't even promise he would've chosen her over humanity in the future—he couldn't do anything for her. He was a miserable bastard, Ida deserved so much better than him.

Love was it? But was love capable of overcoming everything? No. It wasn't. Not in their world. They would be fools to think otherwise.

With hesitation, Ida cupped his face and leaned in. Again, Levi couldn't bring himself to move away.

Why? Levi continued to torment himself with the questions.

Instinctively, his hands held her waist.

She should've hated him, damned him, resented him—he deserved everything she wanted to give him. Levi would've accepted anything in a heartbeat. So why was Ida making this so much harder for them?

Their lips met.

Why were they so fucked up?

Or maybe…

Unable to help it, Levi closed his eyes and pulled her closer, a groan escaping his aching chest.

Were they just living on borrowed time…?

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

"Shall we… have a child?"

It was a straightforward question that Levi never expected to hear from her—especially when he sat by the side of Ida's bed, halfway buttoning his shirt. It caught him off guard. Talk about shitty timing.

"What?" Levi turned back, dumbfounded. Ida was still lying on the bed, a heavy sheet draped over her body, naked scarred shoulders slightly exposed. Her back was still turned to him and she made no attempts to face him. He knew she was hiding her expression to put up a strong front.

"Shall we have a child?" Ida repeated in a frayed voice. "It's what… everyone wants, isn't it?"

Levi felt her words strike him almost physically, a cold shard to the heart. He felt his pulse quickened and he couldn't bring himself to reply. Now that she had calmed down, Levi realized Ida had regained back her rationality. But for the first time, he had actually hoped she would remain stupidly trapped in her emotions.

A child?

Levi didn't even allow the damn idea to toy in his head. Truth to be told, he had done so in the past. But those were under different circumstances—back when they were happy, back when things were so fucking complicated.

Back when things weren't so… shit.

He clenched his jaw, unable to pinpoint exactly why he was so frustrated. He knew he should've steered the conversation elsewhere, but oddly enough for him, he didn't have the words to. Ida even sounded hopeful.

Shit. Levi hated conversation like these, they made him feel crappier knowing Ida had stuck herself beside a miserable old sod like him.

"Levi?"

He stilled noticeably when he heard her shifting on the bed behind him. Feeding on this reaction, Ida hastened to add, "Let's just be frank, no more beating around the bush. When the time comes—when we realize that this war drags on longer than even our lifespan... if it is necessary…"

Ida inhaled deeply as if to gather courage. "When that happens, shall we have—"

She cut herself off when Levi suddenly rose to his feet.

"Ida," he started seriously, "the only father figure I ever knew was that shithead Kenny. If you think I'm prepared to bring some pathetic brat of mine into this world, only to be dragged up in this shit, then you're very much mistaken. It's a fucking shitty existence. I'm sorry, I can't afford to be a father."

Ida's eyes widened slightly before they reverted back to normalcy.

"You really don't want this do you?" Ida allowed her gaze to fall to the sheets. "But I can't escape this. This… is my duty, isn't it?"

A nerve jumped in this temple. Now Levi understood why he was so frustrated. There was a difference to their talks before and now. Though Ida wouldn't admit it, he knew she had always wanted a family—she obviously harbored hope of a different future.

It was her dream. But it was tainted now.

Tainted with her duty. Tainted with the truth. Tainted with her sick fate.

Levi had only allowed that idea to toy in his head in the past because she wanted it. Willingly. But now, it was forced. It wasn't because Ida was willing. It wasn't for love. It wasn't to start a family—a different life. A baby for duty. Fathered by her own father's murderer. Levi shook his heads at his own grim thoughts. Fucking ludicrous the shitty idea was.

Levi pushed his dark hair off his face. "What is it that you want?"

"What I want?" she repeated, appearing bewildered that he even asked such a thing.

Tsk. There it was. Just on fucking time. That innate selflessness in her Ida tried so hard to deny she possessed. He knew he shouldn't, that perhaps as her role of a scout, it was expected of her, but he hated it nevertheless. Levi hated how little she thought her own will mattered. He knew how shitty it must've felt. Levi hated how she was pressured into this. He hated how this fucking conversation only occurred…

Only because of fucking duty.

And most of all, Levi hated that Ida was caught up in this mess in the first place just because of the blood in her veins.

"Yes," Levi said quite simply and calmly, to his surprise. "You. What is it that you want? Not those shits. Not those old fucks. Not humanity. You. What is it that you want, Ida?"

Ida didn't reply for a long time and she seemed almost shocked at his question. But he knew she understood. Slowly, she got off the bed and went for a shirt by the cabinets. Levi didn't pressure her to answer, but simply watched her with care. When she was dressed, Ida finally addressed him.

"Does what I want matter?"

"Yes."

A chuckle escaped her. "Really?" She shook her head. "No, it doesn't. Whatever I want doesn't matter. I can't afford it. We can't afford it."

Her gaze was resolute when she smiled wryly at him, "Eventually the time would come. That's all that matters, Levi."

Well shit. He found himself unable to argue with that. The hopeful naïve prick in him might say otherwise, but the cynicism that had long ingrained in him was all too strong. Levi found the situation all too damn odd for them. Ida was always the idealistic one, and he, the practical one.

The tables had turned now.

Fuck. What was this? Guilt for what happened? The fear of loss? Or was he actually starting to dream like she once asked him to?

But even now, even after all the hopeful shit he said to her, Levi knew innately that all he could do, was everything in his power to ensure her sacrifice wasn't needed in the end.

"Even if I don't want this…" Ida stared at the window sorrowfully, and for some reason, he felt his heart drum in his chest. "I can't change my fate—"

"Ida—"

"Just tell me, do you want to be a father?"

He couldn't help but flinch at her words.

Ida smirked ruefully, and he knew she had caught onto his adverse reaction, "Or would I have to sleep with someone else then…?"

"Tsk." He inwardly cursed the bile rising in his throat. His blood was boiling even from just thinking about that. Fuck. Levi hated these sorts of situations with a passion. Ida was asking how he felt. She wanted him to be honest. Damn it.

He grimaced. "You know my feelings, Ida."

They locked eyes, and he could suddenly feel her desperation for him to say something. She kept her mouth definitely shut. She needed him to say it.

"Look." An irritated sigh escaped from Levi's lips. "You're wrong about something. This isn't just about what I want. You're talking about bringing a brat—damning it to a cursed existence. It'll just be waiting to be a substitute for you—" His voice cracked, to his horror. He wanted to rake his own eyes out, but he pushed on, "You want that for your own kid? And honestly, it'd be a shitty life, okay? It's shit."

Levi couldn't hold back the anger dwelling in his tone any longer, just thinking about it pissed him off. Even if he knew he was going to be a shit of a father, it pained him either way—to know that his brat would be born under such shitty circumstances. He hated the mere thought of his child being born, just to replace his mother should the need come.

He detested it so much that he would do everything in his power to prevent that from happening.

"But what if it's your duty—"

"You think I'm fucking okay with this?" Levi advanced to her, nearly snarling. "You think I'm okay with having a brat, just to replace you?" Ida was wide-eyed when grabbed her arms. There was no mistaking the danger in his voice. "I'm not fucking okay with it, Ida. I'm not. Get that into your brain because I won't repeat myself again. And if any of those shits say anything, I'll settle it with them myself."

Gradually, Ida's shoulder relaxed. Her green eyes glazed over. Was it misery he saw? Sorrow, maybe? Levi didn't know, but he knew she felt conflicted about something.

"You will be a great father," Ida said softly, without thought. "Levi... there's something—"

Levi didn't want to listen to her any longer. He couldn't. "Stop. Just stop talking."

In one swift movement, Levi pulled her into his arms so that she was unable to see his expression. Damn it, he was certain he looked like shit now. Suddenly, the fear that he had tried so hard to bury had manifested within him. It struck him deeply. Like building blocks, they were piling. It had spiraled well out of his iron-fist control by now.

Like a gruesome book of pictures, Erwin's corpse came into view. Then, his comrades'. His squad's. Kenny's. His mother, Kuchel's. Even Farlan's and Isabel's…

The mutilated corpses of all those people Levi had counted as family. The people that he had quietly loved and lost.

And perhaps Ida had sensed his fear.

Perhaps Ida had known that deep down, what he feared most was losing her—losing the unsaid child that he would be responsible for. Perhaps Ida had known that he never wanted to be in a shitty situation where he had to choose between his duty and his family again. Perhaps Ida did know that no matter how strong Levi made himself out to be, he couldn't bear the situation if he were to have to choose between her or their child for humanity.

Perhaps Ida knew everything, and that was why she made no other attempt to continue the conversation but only embraced him back silently instead.

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

Muffled voices taunted her in the dark abyss she was trapped in, grim and cold. Ida couldn't make out whose voice it belonged to, nor could she understand what it was saying, but it haunted her everywhere.

"I am the last Starke," she repeated to herself, steel in her voice. "The last, the last, the last."

If I look back, I am lost.

Cloaked in the ever-stretching darkness, Ida started to walk. Her bare feet were wet and sticky. Blood, it seemed, covered the slick floor. Unperturbed, Ida kept walking. She knew innately something was waiting for her at the end of the darkness. She had to reach it—she had to confront everything head-on.

The strands of the red hair blew away from her face at a sudden gust of wind.

Ivy?

She shielded her eyes slightly when the light blinded her, "Sister…?"

The wind howled around her as colors started to materialize from thin air, forming and spinning, until it convulsed to greenery. Ida found herself in a courtyard, the hot sun beaming comfortably on her. A dated castle towered over the training fields, striking awe into her from the sheer size. She recognized the sigil on the flags—a towering tree with nine branches entwined.

It was the crest of the Starke family.

"You dare disobey my orders, Elijah?!" a familiar voice screamed, "I've warned you before, brother—"

"Why are you so against it?!"

Ida spun around at the voices. She gasped when she saw Laena with her brother. She was still as beautiful as the last Ida saw her. Laena had not aged a day at all. Donning a white shirt with pants and her red hair choked into a ponytail, Ida thought Laena looked more like a warrior than a delicate noble lady now.

A loud thud resounded when Laena pinned him to a tree. Elijah choked at the sudden force, but Laena didn't even seem to notice.

"Why do you want to awaken so badly?" she growled at him. "Do you want the seat of the head of the Starkes, is that it?!"

"Of course not!" Elijah gritted his teeth as he struggled under her strength. He remained determined to convince her otherwise. It wasn't how she made it out to be. "I'm not trying to awaken because I want to usurp your seat—I just want to ease your burden—"

Laena's eyes expanded. With unprecedented strength that did not match her slender body, she lifted her brother up and threw his body to the grass like a rag doll. Elijah crumbled to the ground, hacking.

How nice, Ida thought wryly. The Starkes really do take sibling rivalry to a whole different level…

Ida rubbed her flat belly. What was she to do if she gave birth to twins? Would they fight like this too? What was it again? The bullshit her grandfather spouted to her mother—the curse of the twins? The Gemini curse, was it?

Stupid name for a stupid curse.

She grimaced when Ida remembered her other half.

Elijah heaved a heavy breath and rose to his feet. He fixed his disheveled hair and dusted his pants before he regarded his infuriated sibling, "Laena I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at me."

Something set off in Laena when she heard Elijah's apology, "Have you forgotten that every awakened Starke is closely monitored by the King? How many times have I told you?! You are risking your life!"

Oh.

Ida pursed her lips, surprised. It appeared she had spoken too soon—she recognized the type of anger Laena was showing; it was one that only came from concern and love. This pair of siblings, twins maybe, was the opposite of Jaron and Elsie.

Then… is the curse of the twins not real?

It had to be folklore, she decided. Ida watched the pair of siblings intently, wishing that it was all just inaccurate information that was distorted through the generations and that they would prove it to her.

"Laena, my dear sister." Elijah looked miserably at Laena, eyes pleading, "You know I would do anything for you. I just wanted to help ease your burden—"

"You can't."

Elijah's green eyes thinned at his sister's resolute words. He patiently waited for her to elaborate, and she did, though Ida could tell it was taking a toll on her.

She sighed. "Elijah, you can't help me, you can't bear my burden. It's written in my fate. Because…" she paused, a nerve throbbing in her tightened jaw, "…because we are cursed twins."

Her brother frowned. He looked to be measuring up the severity of her statement. "If you're talking about that fable curse in our family, it's not true. I know it isn't." He cupped her cheeks, "I love you, and we will never betray each other. Never. Our ancestors just lost themselves in their greed and lust for power. But not us—it wouldn't happen to us. We are different."

Ida couldn't help but smile at Elijah's genuine words. It made her feel marginally better to know that they loved each other.

Laena escaped his hold with a frustrated scoff. She debated on what she wanted to say for a moment, before she said, "I do not doubt your loyalty or love, but I'm talking about another type of curse..."

Another type?

All traces of warmness escaped her and the familiar churning in Ida's stomach commenced.

"What—did you see something? What did the Will of Odina show you?" Elijah furrowed his brows when his sister didn't reply. He prompted her urgently, "Laena, you're frightening me. What did you learn—"

"You can't awaken." Laena's face was anguished as she confessed, "No matter how much you try, you can't awaken. Because only one of us can."

Ida felt her blood drain from her system. She slapped a hand to her forehead, shaking her head.

What the fuck is she saying now? Only one? Then… Ivy isn't…?

Her fingers curled together. This was why Elsie could never awaken...

Her ancestor released a miserable laugh. "This is our real curse, brother. The folklore has a little merit, that is true, but all folklore starts from something. And this is it—this is the curse of the twins of our family… the curse that Odina inflicted on her own bloodline."

Elijah only stared, unable to form the words. He was still suspecting she was lying.

Laena smiled self-deprecatingly. "Have you ever wondered why twins are so prominent in our house? Why only twins carried the trait of awakening? I'll tell you why. Because while only one twin can awaken, the other is there meant to inherit a Titan and to become the trigger—the catalyst. With twins being born, we can always maintain a trigger and an awakened member…"

Her ancestor buried her face in his hands, appearing drained. "Ironic… isn't it? We are only born because…"

Ida felt like throwing up, but she held it down forcibly. But the bile rose in her throat again when she remembered Jaron and Elsie—and what her uncle did to her mother, how he sacrificed her to just thirteen-years of life to be a trigger… just because she was born to be one.

The words written in her mother's diary came back to life in her brain: 'I will be the other half he wants me to be.'

Disgusting.

Everything about the fucking Starkes was disgusting.

Laena laughed again, and her green eyes seemed so lost, so despair and so drained, it made Ida's chest tighten uncomfortably.

"We are the cursed twins, damned by cruel destiny and destined to sacrifice each other. This is why twin rivalry was so prominent throughout our generations," Laena walked back to her paralyzed brother. She caressed the sides of his face, misery reveling in her gaze, "Don't you see, Elijah? The fault does not lie in you. The fault… is in our blood."

Quickly, Laena hugged her frozen twin. Her broken expression conveyed how afraid she was to see him sacrificed.

"Sometimes, I curse Odina for inflicting this misery on our family…" she said, never more fragile than Ida had seen her, "...it's as if she hated even those of her own blood..."

"Laena..." Elijah's voice was broken. "Why now...? Why are you telling me this now…?"

Laena smiled wryly at his question and let him go. Ida realized Elijah was more perceptive than he gave away—there was a reason why his sister was telling him this only now.

"An awakened Starke can only come from a set of twins. My children are not twins. My two sons do not possess the trait of awakening, but… Jaylen is still so young." She inhaled deeply, appearing conflicted, but she continued with great difficulty, "Which is why, as their uncle, you have to ensure that this curse and this devil's tragedy stops with me."

Elijah was bewildered. "What?"

"I've left instructions for my Jaylen as my heir, but I'm still worried."

"Instructions?" Elijah laughed light-heartedly. "What is this now, sister? You speak as if you will die soon."

Laena made no moves to convince him otherwise. Slowly but surely, the complications of what his sister was saying appeared in Elijah's face.

"No," he gritted out, his tone taking a visible shift. "I will not hear this. You're still so young!—why are you saying—"

"I will die soon," Laena interrupted coldly. "So I need you to promise me that if Jaylen is unable to go through with it, you will kill any of our descendants that tries to awaken on his behalf. Whether they are successful or not."

Ida felt chills form on her skin. Along with her brother, she stared uncomprehendingly at Laena, utterly floored by what she had just said.

Laena was asking him… to kill any of their descendants that awakened?

Was this it? Was this how she prevented the awakening of the Starkes? Was this why the Starkes slowly stopped awakening until it became no more like a legend? It was completely extreme, heartless, and cruel, but strangely enough, Ida could understand why Laena would ask such a thing.

Because this power… came with consequences.

Consequences of knowing the truth were too heavy for anyone to carry—and it made them targets.

"You'll… die?" Elijah finally repeated, incredulous. "Laena! What have you done?! What did you tell Jaylen?!"

She smirked bitterly. "He knows everything."

"You're asking us to commit familicide! We need this power to survive—you're a brave warrior of Eldia, the lioness of the Starkes! Your name is renowned even on the battlefield—on par with Remus Ackerman! You can't possibly die! You won't lose to anyone—"

"Now that the King's tenure is ending, he will get rid of me before his inheritor takes his place, and our family cannot afford to disobey the royal family again."

Elijah backed away from her, eyes expanded.

"No," he continued to deny, "you don't know that! You've done nothing but be a loyal servant to the King! The merits you gained on the battlefield offsets anything our predecessors had done!"

"He will," Laena said resolutely. "The king will kill me for the simple fact that I've awakened. I'm unable to do what he wants, brother. I've expended my use and I'm nothing more but a thorn by the royal family's side."

Ida's heart ached when Elijah abruptly turned around and punched the tree. "Fuck!"

It appeared wanted to angrily retort something, but he held it down. That was when Ida knew he understood that what Laena said was nothing short of the truth.

"Do you understand?" Laena said coldly, unperturbed. She looked at her own hands. The wind blew her hair off her face. It only made the pain in her expression more apparent to Ida. "This power… awakening it is nothing more than a death sentence. We can try to avoid it but no matter what we can never allow those who awakened this power to live any longer. This is the only way to keep our family safe." She clenched her fingers together, determined. "Sacrifices must be made to protect our family."

What came out of Elijah next was nothing more than a strangled scream; of denial, of anger, and most importantly, of grief. Then, his body relaxed, and his head slumped down, defeated. His shoulders started shuddering and Ida knew he was crying.

"Elijah..."

"No!" Elijah's face contorted in torture. Angry tears brimmed his eyes. "We must rebel against him! This is wrong! I won't stand for this! I won't! We should side with the house of the Colossal Titan—"

"We can't do that."

"Laena, I won't accept this!"

"You must."

He shook his head ever more defiantly. "No!"

Laena grabbed onto him. "You must, Elijah!"

The swarm of silence that embalmed the siblings came like a tide that destroyed them. They knew the end was near and that the inevitable was coming. The tears that Elijah held in began to bubble relentlessly in his eyes when realization washed upon him.

Laena wouldn't change her mind.

"Why…?" Elijah mumbled in a daze. The sobs wouldn't stop ripping out of his chest. "We've done nothing but be a loyal aide to the crown… Why do we have to live like this… just because of what our predecessors had done…?"

She wiped the tears from his face. "Do not weep for me brother. I'm grateful that this power has chosen me and not you." Laena hugged him again. "No matter what happens, remember that I love you. And I trust you. You have to do what is right for our house. You... have to be there for my children."

"Laena..." Elijah cried past his sobs when he embraced his sister back. "P—Please, don't do this… don't resign yourself to death…"

Despite her brother's tearful pleas, and despite how Ida knew it tormented her, there were no remnants of tears in Laena's eyes.

She was resolute, she was at peace, and she had made her decision.

"I must, Elijah," Laena buried her face into her brother's neck, smiling. "For this will be my final duty as Lady of the Starkes."

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

Her stomach clenched in pain as Ida knelt in front of the toilet bowl. She coughed and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, not caring that it wasn't the least bit ladylike to do so. Sweat dripped down her brow through her hair.

Starkes…

Maybe it was morning sickness. Or maybe it was the disgust from all that she had learned, but as soon as Ida jerked awake in a cold sweat, she was unable to contain the bile at the back of her throat any longer.

Damned by cruel destiny to sacrifice each other. The reason behind twins being so predominant in my family… the awakened one and the trigger.

One that was born to thrive, another merely a catalyst...

Fucking repulsive.

The hot bile rose on her throat again. Ida lurched forward on the toilet bowl, emptying the contents of her stomach. Strings of saliva dangled from her mouth as her mind spun relentlessly. Her twin sister's face bubbled from her memory bank, taunting her.

Ivy was born for her—nothing but a tool to be used, nothing but to act as a trigger. She was her other half. Shit. It was the same thing as Elsie was once was to Jaron. In truth, Ida shouldn't harbor any emotions to that notion, Ivy was just another enemy to take down and utilize, yet the disgust heaved immensely inside of her as Ida thought about it.

She was disgusted because their fate was already written from the moment they were born; they were unable to rebel against it.

"Sacrifices must be made to protect our family," Laena's voice rang in her head. Though extreme and immoral, her ancestor had gone to great lengths to protect her family.

Then what… what must she sacrifice?

What must she sacrifice to protect her family? To protect Levi and her child? There was no changing what fate had in store for her future. Ivy was already a Titan long before she knew of her existence. Her strong morals and distaste for it aside, there wasn't an issue was there?

Apart from the problem that Ivy was an enemy and she was nowhere to be found. Ida didn't even know if they would ever meet again. Not that she had the luxury of time either.

Ida hacked violently, her stomach twisting into knots as the muscles clenched to purge her stomach acid.

There already is a Starke Titan… and me, an awakened member….

She wretched over the toilet bowl again, heaving.

But what if we discover how to replicate the Titan Serum? What if Ivy dies? What if… we couldn't succeed in capturing her? What if… I give birth twins too?

Ida pressed her fist on her stomach and wheezed, a set of tears escaping her eyes.

Then eventually, this sin and this burden will have to pass on…

She gripped the rim of the toilet, trying to steady herself. Her head was whirling, but she forced past it stubbornly. Contrary to the cards fate had represented her, Ida couldn't even begin to give up now.

No… there must be another way… I was fine to pay the price, I was fine to pay anything—but that was for myself! If it was me, and only me… not my children—not my family!

Levi's pained figure from the night before flashed in her mind. It would destroy him to know the truth behind her powers. He had already lost so many.

How could she do this to him when he had just lost Erwin?

How could she ask him to choose between his duty or his family again?

How could she tell him about this when she was still reeling under the revelations? When, despite her pathetic attempts to keep her spirits up, deep down Ida knew that there was no other way out?

Her destiny was written in her blood. The fault was in her blood.

Anger ignited within Ida just by the thought of it. She gripped the rim of the toilet bowl. She was so drained from everything, but the insufferable fury in her just kept flaming on and she was restless. She wanted to scream, wanted to cry, wanted to throw herself off the Walls even.

How much more? I have sacrificed so much already, the people I cared about are nearly all gone. I've lost almost everyone. Even Elsie and now Erwin too. So how much? Just how much more must I fucking sacrifice for fucking humanity—

A knock came on the door, urgent and forceful. "Ida? Are you in there?"

"Shit," Ida hissed. Didn't Levi say he had to see Hanji first thing in the morning last night? Why did he come to her room now? Had she been too loud?

Another series of urgent knocks came, "Oi, answer me before I knock down this door."

Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, she shouted back, "I'm fine, just give a minute! I'll be out soon!"

She climbed back to her feet and scrambled to the sink. When she was done washing her hands and brushing her teeth, Ida looked back in the mirror and fixed her hair. She didn't look her best, her skin was deadly pale. But her eyes looked bright enough. That would be enough for him not to suspect anything, right?

Damn it, there was no more time to waste anyway. She shouldn't be idling around.

Flushing the toilet, Ida went for the door and yanked it open. To her surprise, Levi was still standing in front of the door, dressed in his usual attire.

"Were you puking?" he demanded immediately, scrutinizing her face.

Ida shrugged. "Probably something I ate."

He gave her a once-over, before nodding, "Rest if you need to."

"I'm fine."

Levi's eyes narrowed and his nostrils flared, but he didn't respond immediately. Instead, he watched her intently. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

Ida paused momentarily and she wondered why she felt so uneasy. Levi appeared the same, he was staring at her with the same haunting gray eyes—the types of gaze she used to melt under—but now, she could sense the underlines of fears dwelling within her as she looked at him.

She smirked inwardly at this observation. Who the fuck was she kidding? She knew the reason why.

Ida was only human in her insecurity. Though she had decided that until she found another solution she would spare Levi the agony from her predicament, but after all that she had experienced, after all that happened…

With push came to shove—and though it would completely shatter him beyond validation—Ida knew that Levi would still place humanity above her. Funny. This selfless altruistic trait was the reason why she was so attracted to him; it was the reason she fell in love with him.

She had accepted it at one point. Admired and strived to be like him even.

But now...

"Nothing."

She moved past him and grabbed her jacket that was neatly packed on the dresser by Levi earlier this morning.

"Where are you going?" he asked. "If you're sick, go and rest."

"I'm not sick," said Ida. "I need to send a letter. Can you arrange for it to be picked up and delivered as soon as possible?"

He folded his arms. "To where?"

"To Starke Estate."

Levi's expression darkened, but he gave her a simple nod.

She flashed him a feigned smile of thanks and made her way to the door, wearing her jacket on the route.

"Oi. You didn't answer me yet, where are you going?"

Ida stopped at the door when she saw Levi approaching her. He brushed the strands of her hair away from her face and met her gaze in earnest. She was convinced that he wanted to say something more, but he held it back in the end.

"I'm going back to the headquarters."

Levi cocked a brow, surprised. The legion wasn't due to return to their headquarters soon, they still had many loose ends to wrap up with the upper branch. "Why?"

Ida took his hand onto his and gave it a tight squeeze. She tried to ignore the miserable sting. She had to assure him someway or another.

"To find the other way."

That was enough for Levi to understand her intentions. He didn't ask anymore. The sight of him, looking so concerned for her, seemed to strike her painfully in the chest. But Ida only feigned a smile and gave him a peck on the lips. She wrestled with the little internal voice which was berating her for being selfish for hiding so many things from him—Levi was the only one she had in this world, the only one that mattered the most—but despite it all, she only released her grip on his hand.

Ida couldn't rid herself of those haunting gray eyes that followed her, yet she only kept marching on, resolute in what she had promised herself.

If I look back, I am lost.

o o o —xπ{Ö}πx — o o o

"You should eat something."

Ida didn't look up, she was too busy sorting out the assortment of files, books, and documents that had been delivered from Starke Estate. Something. There had to be something she could do, something to change her fate. She had to look again to be sure.

"I'm not hungry."

"Ida," came Seth's chiding voice.

She groaned inwardly and sat down behind her desk. They were in a borrowed office at the HQs. Ida had locked herself here since she had arrived. She needed space to focus, not that it was hard to find, seeing as the Corps were down to ten members.

Ida was surprised to see that Seth was the one who personally delivered the documents. She had thought he wouldn't enjoy his time in the headquarters, but since his arrival, Seth seemed persistently adamant to extend his welcome. Hanji had even allowed him to use a spare room.

Damn that shitty glasses…

She grimaced inwardly, wondering what Levi would've thought of this. Not that Ida would know. Levi, along with Hanji was busy with other official matters relating to the upper brass. Last she heard from Hanji, he was liaising with the local newspaper.

When the time comes, then everyone would know the truth.

The truth of the Starkes included.

Ida didn't know how she felt about that either. She felt nothing, no emotions. The fear of how people would perceive her used to be at the forefront of her mind when she thought of matters like this, but now… it all seemed so frivolous... as if it were the worries of a child.

Seth slid the tray of food he had brought over to her. "The kids asked me to ensure that you eat. Apparently, you haven't been eating much according to them. They are worried. Especially Sasha. You know her, she keeps saying food will keep your spirits up."

Ida sighed loudly, fingers on her temples. She had forgotten about her squad too. She wondered how they were coping. They would've returned to the HQs now, right? From what she recalled, Hanji had given them time off to take off the steam of the recent expedition. Most of them spent it with their families—at least, those that have surviving families.

Suddenly, Eren's conflicted face bubbled in her mind.

She debated on sharing this with him. Maybe, he knows something too? He was the Founding Titan after all. The ceremony to celebrate the Survey Corps' success and to commemorate their fallen comrades was in two days, maybe she should ask him then.

But as soon as that thought materialized, Ida vetoed the idea. It was too much of a risk.

"I'll eat it later," she said tiredly. "I have enough to digest, Fischer. Don't add onto it."

Silence came from him, which Ida appreciated. She knew Seth was observing her, but she let him. She couldn't afford to care. The clock was ticking. Soon, she would start showing.

"I heard about what happened…" Seth said quietly, "I thought you'd be crying your eyes out, but Hanji said you didn't shed a single tear after you came back."

The memory of Erwin embedded a sharp dagger in her chest.

When she didn't reply, Seth sighed and made a movement to get out of his seat. "Wine? I'll go grab a bottle. You'll feel better if you have someone to drink with you."

"No thanks, I'm busy."

Truthfully, Ida wanted nothing better than to get completely drunk and forget everything. But she had already made her decision—she had chosen to fight, to find another way, no matter how futile it was—and for that to happen she needed to be as level-headed as possible. Her mental stamina was already rapidly deteriorating. Alcohol was the last thing she needed.

Seth settled back down. "The kid named Floch told me," he crossed his arms. "I was surprised Armin was chosen. But…. what is done is done, nothing can bring him back."

Ida shut her eyes quickly, annoyed. For the love of Titans, could he stop talking? This wasn't what was bothering her. She had accepted. She had moved on. Forward. She could only move forward. One agonizing step at a time.

If I look back, I am lost.

Ida did not bat an eyelash. "I know."

Her simple answer did not seem to sit well with Seth. Maybe he had thought she was putting on a strong front—which was true, but he was sorely mistaken by what was eating away at her soul.

Seth leaned forward, his voice was suddenly quietly wistful. "Ida, believe me, I know it's hard. It was hard for your mother when she was in captivity. She had no one. But she told me that at least Erwin was alive. After she lost her two daughters, that was all she was living for. You have people around you too… you have that Captain—"

Ida's brows furrowed together.

"Two daughters?" she said vigilantly. That information wasn't privy to the public yet and she was sure Hanji didn't say anything to him too. Ida's eyes morphed to dissecting silts when she demanded, "Explain it to me."

Seth migrated his attention elsewhere, appearing as if he was cursing himself for a slip of tongue. Eventually, he responded, "Jaron told me… you had a twin who died in childbirth."

"And you didn't think that you should've told me?" she said, her voice now deadly.

"Ida—"

There was a screeching sound followed by the loud crash of her chair falling backward. Seth stared at her in alarm. Her body had moved on its own. Ida stood up, body rigid and eyes blazing at this new revelation. She was snarling now.

"You… have been hiding this all this time?"

"Sit down, Ida. You're in no condition to—"

She slammed her hands on the table. "Answer me!"

An awkward pause ensued before Seth sighed regretfully. From the way he rubbed his neck, Ida knew he was ashamed to have been caught in his lies. But that was no consolation for her.

"Listen… I just thought you wouldn't want to know."

Fury simmered in her veins. "As if you knew what I wanted!"

"Ida, she's dead, what's the point of mentioning her?" Seth argued coolly. He nodded to the tray of food he had placed in front of her, "Sit down, stop researching, and eat your food."

"Eat your own fucking food, you fucking bastard!"

Rage imploded inside of her. Before Ida knew it she had grabbed onto the entire tray and flung it in Seth's direction. He swiped it with his arm, causing it to fly across the room. The contents splattered on the ground as he stood up.

She pushed her red hair away from her face. It was too much. The boiling emotions were hissing, warning of an overspill. Ida panted, trying hard to grasp her stoicism, but it was futile. Her control was nothing but a pathetic, insignificant force grasping for some form of stability.

All this time…

The betrayal was too much. Twice now, by the same man. Who was the fool, he or her?

Seth knew…

He carefully approached her, ignoring the warning signs of an imminent explosion. "Ida, she's dead."

She shook her head and backed away from him, refusing to even be touched by him. Wrath was rising through her and she wanted nothing more than to lash out at him.

Bastard. Fucking bastard. If he had told me earlier—if that snake had—

"What's the point of telling you something like this? Your sister didn't survive the labor—"

Ida let a near scream of frustration.

"She's not dead!"

The next thing Ida knew, her fingers were already grabbing Seth's collar. She shoved him to the bookshelf. Books dropped from the impact, but Ida ignored it and continued to push against him.

"Jaron lied to Elsie, lied to everyone!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. "Worse! She's a Titan Shifter, fighting for the enemy! And I let her go—I let my one fucking chance go!"

Ida continuously shoved him against the bookshelf, all the contents above crashing down. Just a splinter—a reminder—that was all it took to break the glass castle Ida had built around herself. Now, she was falling apart. Seth didn't retaliate, speechless, but the distress in his eyes was clear, expression broken. He genuinely did not know her twin was alive.

Hopelessness filled her hollow and aching heart. "You fucking bastard! How could you do this to me again?! I told you to tell me everything you knew! I trusted you—what have you done?! My twin! She's the fucking trigger—"

"How did you know about the trigger?"

Her hot blood ceased pumping when she heard his words. Ida froze over and stared at Seth, confused. Then it came to her, and the searing rage returned tenfold along with the realization. The bastard knew everything—he knew everything beforehand, he had worked with Jaron before, he knew how he was using her mother as the trigger, but he chose not to tell her—

Her green eyes turned cold, unforgiving.

"YOU HID THIS FROM ME TOO?!"

Her fist balled together and she punched him right to the face. Seth fell to the ground, groaning. She should've felt relieved to see him in pain from that well-deserved punch, but no such relief came. Misery filled her eyes as Ida skidded to the other side of the room, afraid that she would do something wrong if she was near him.

Gods help her if he comes near her again.

"Bastard…" Ida whispered brokenly. Her mind was churning. "Fucking bastard…"

The unbearable revelation was pushing against her, and Ida was unable to defend against it. The revelations, the betrayal, and the fact that if Seth had told her… if the Survey Corps knew about this earlier… then she would've never allowed Ivy to escape.

"Do you know what will happen if I told you—or the Military?!"

Seth spat out blood when he rose back to his feet. Despite his throbbing red cheek, anger outlined his expression. Ida's breaths were cumbersome when she only shook her head. She didn't want to hear his bloody reasons, but he explained anyway.

"Back then, I thought there were no more Starkes left! Just you! The last Starke! I didn't know about your sister being alive—so I kept it from you—from everyone—to protect you! Why do you think I keep trying to get you to leave this place?! These lunatics will sacrifice you or your future children if it meant that it would further humanity's cause! Because with the Will of Odina you can learn everything, right down to even the creation of the Titans! Is that what you want?!"

Ida was past listening. Not that she needed to hear that, she was aware of it. Seth had just voiced out her deepest fears; fears that had taken deep roots deep within her. She had been teetering on the line of her sanity lately and what Seth just said was the final push that catapulted her beyond all boundaries of emotions.

"I have to find her," she chanted, bolting for the door, "I have to find her—"

Seth didn't let her leave. "Ida, calm down!"

"Let me go!" Ida shoved him. "I have to—"

"Ida!"

She screamed in frustration. Her vision was blurring, tears it seemed. She was crying. She was fucking crying again. She didn't even realize she was crying until she tasted the saltiness of her tears. What kind of tears though? There was no pain. The ache of betrayal was gone now. It had to be desperation—the desperation that she was on a dead-end, that Seth had confirmed everything, and that she wasn't unable to rebel against her destiny.

The Starkes were meant to sacrifice each other.

Nothing could change it.

"Ida, listen to me," Seth's voice took a serious turn. His tormented eyes implored her to listen to him, to never do something so foolish. He did not want her to repeat the mistakes her mother had made. "It doesn't matter, nothing matters. Your sister will appear sooner or later, they won't leave the walls alone, but I need you to listen to me, alright?"

In a daze, Ida merely stared at him as Seth leveled his serious gaze on her. "This is too dangerous to let anyone know, do you understand me? You can't tell anyone. Not even the Survey Corps. I know you're a selfless person Ida, but this is something different altogether. We can figure something out, there's still time—"

"I have no time!"

She felt him flinch at her outburst. Expelling a pained breath, Ida sobbed into her hands, nothing but desolation sweeping her body, "I have no time…"

Her voice was soft now, broken, holding nothing of the strong edge that pulsed through it earlier.

"What do you mean by that, Ida?" Seth's brows furrowed, his concern for her more than magnified. "What... are you talking about?"

"I don't have any more time…" Ida felt the tides change within her when she finally allowed herself to resign to her emotions. She was unable to carry this by herself any longer. "If the Military knew about this, no… I can't risk it... if I can't find a way to remove the curse of Titans in time, if I can't get hold of Ivy… then this fate…"

Her hands cupped her abdomen as another sob escaped her, "…would also have to be carried by the unborn child inside of me… the new trigger…"

There was a silence as Seth looked at her, then at her stomach, and then back up at her, speechless.

"Please…"

Ida grabbed onto his shirt. Her mind was unraveling. Seth stumbled in his steps, paralyzed to the core. How foolish and pathetic it was. Seth didn't deserve to know the truth. He didn't deserve to know the secret that she had been keeping from the person that deserved to know it the most. He wasn't Levi. She didn't love him, he meant nothing to her compared to him.

Seth had betrayed her. Twice now, but Ida knew something, and she was confident of it.

He would always place her above humanity.

The betrayals were made from purely selfish intentions. Ironic. How ironic it was. It was betrayals done in the name of loyalty.

Selfish, selfish, selfish…

And yet…

"Please…" Ida's strength escaped her legs. Despite his frozen state, Seth caught onto her and fell to his knees with her. Weeping, Ida fisted his shirt, never more desperate for salvation. "You said you'll always be on my side no matter the price, so please… help me…"

---

Ahahah… *hides*. Okay—I know, I know, a lot of people are excited for the kid, please be kind and don't hate me so much but… be prepared for some angst before we get there. I'M SORRY BUT IT HAS TO BE DONE *intense bawling*

I think where my plot is headed currently got me excited and motivated—I have to say, I REALLY am looking forward to writing Ida in particular this arc. Longer A/N about the theme of the new arc (minor spoilers?) & tentative update date on my profile as usual.

If you enjoyed, or have any suggestions or feedback, please, please do leave me a review! I love to hear from you all :D.

Much love and see you again in the next update!

Guest review replies:

Guest: Ah, I hope this chapter answers your question in CH42. When Jaron mentioned Ida and said "we'll see in a few years' time" he was actually referring to whether Ida will awaken. This is why Jaron regrets his choice of sending Ivy to Marley. Back then he didn't know that only one of the twins could awaken and only found out via Will of Odina. This is also why he was so pissed that his own kids weren't twins. I think if you go back and re-read the scene after this chapter, it'll make much more sense. Sorry! I wrote that scene in a very ambiguous way x_x