Late Monday afternoon, Kurt and Sebastian made it back home. During their afternoon of playing cards the day before they had done laundry, so they were putting their clothes away as they unpacked. The whole time they were unpacking, Sebastian was being very physically affectionate. He ran his fingers along Kurt's arms. He kissed the back of his neck as he walked past several times.
Even though they hadn't been able to attend rehearsal the night before, they were still planning to perform that evening at the open mic and karaoke place, so Kurt pulled out two outfits that were predominantly black with red accents and put them at the end by themselves. Sebastian walked into the closet and wrapped his arms around Kurt from behind and propped his chin on Kurt's shoulder. They stood that way for a minute or so.
Kurt turned in his arms. "Is there something wrong? I'm enjoying all of the affectionate attention, but I just want to make sure you're alright. Are you feeling nervous about classes starting tomorrow?"
"Not really in the way that I think you mean. I think I'm just feeling a bit jet-lagged and a bit out of sorts from leaving a place where I feel so comfortable with you. It's like this fairy tale. You and your dad talked and worked through a lot of things. Our parents got along and your dad is coming around. He didn't glare at me once all day yesterday or today. He even seemed to enjoy watching the videos of the band that Aunt Izzie sent to my mom. And it was just magical – every part of it. And I don't want to lose that now that we're back here." He kissed Kurt, a kiss full of love and near desperation.
Kurt could feel the intensity of Sebastian's anxiety in his kiss. He pulled back a little when they broke for air. He kept his arms wrapped around Sebastian's torso and said, "Sweetie, things will be different here, but that doesn't mean that they have to be different in a bad way. We can't go watch the sunrise at the beach tomorrow morning, but we could go to Coney Island next weekend. I don't know if you've ever been, but I haven't. There are lots of magical things we can do here. Sitting and snuggling with you on our sofa is still one of the most amazing things to do with you. I still feel really special when you sit with me."
"I like sitting with you." He took a deep breath and kissed up Kurt's neck. "Can we make love before we go to the club?"
"I would definitely say yes, but you said that we were out of supplies."
He leaned in and whispered in Kurt's ear. "When I got up to go to the bathroom while we were waiting to board, I stopped by the drug store on the way back."
"Well, then yes, of course." He kissed Sebastian gently. "I'm not going to say no to you unless I have a good reason, like being sick or something."
Sebastian looked him in the eyes. "I don't want you to feel like you owe it to me or something."
"I don't feel that way, not at all." He kissed Sebastian again. "What I feel is very attracted to you. I also feel very desired by you." A new, most welcome feeling for him, but he didn't say that out loud.
"Well, that's true. I want you, like, all the time." He began kissing up Kurt's neck in between talking. "I just want you to know that I don't just want you for that. I want you for snuggles." Kiss. "And for our talks." Kiss. "And to cook with." Kiss. "And to sing and dance with." Kiss. "And go to the flea markets with. And antique stores." Kiss. "And bookstores. And music shops." Kiss. "And watching ridiculous movies. And good movies too." Kiss. "And kissing."
"Mmm hmm. Lots of kissing." Kurt moved and connected their lips again.
When they stopped to catch their breath, Sebastian pressed his forehead to Kurt's and asked, "You okay with finishing the unpacking while I go get ready?"
He ran his fingers through Sebastian's hair. "Yeah. Yeah, that's fine." He kissed Sebastian softly once more before letting go of him.
They were lying close, kissing lazily when Kurt's phone alarm went off.
"That's our cue to head to the shower."
"More kissing in the shower." Sebastian climbed over Kurt kissing him on his way across the bed. He held his hands out for Kurt.
"Always more kissing," Kurt teased, grabbing for Sebastian.
They horsed around kissing all the way into the shower. They washed each other's hair and couldn't keep their hands off each other.
"Just wear a hat of some sort," Sebastian suggested. "I need some food. You've worn me out after three times." He kissed along his neck.
"None of that right now, Mister." He stepped away from Sebastian, who had followed him into the closet. "As you just said, three times and we need to eat and get there on time or Santana will out and out say what we've been up to. She and her Mexican third eye, as she calls it, will blab to everyone why we're late. She might anyway if I wear a hat, but I think this one will look good with my outfit." He grabbed it and put it on. He turned Sebastian around and swatted him good-naturedly on the butt to get him moving forward since he was just standing there.
He jumped a little.
"You're not sore are you?"
"No, not at all. I was just thinking."
"Think and walk," Kurt teased as he pushed him forwards out of their closet. "Otherwise, we'll have to eat something after we get there and I'm too hungry for that. We ate lunch really early. Actually, it was a big brunch. Tasty, but that was eight hours ago." Kurt detoured from the path to the door to look in his full-length mirror. He turned both ways and decided that the hat did look good.
Sebastian walked up behind him and propped his chin on Kurt's shoulder. "You look hot. Let's go eat before I decide to see if we can both manage round four."
Kurt made eye contact with him in the mirror and winked. "Promises, promises," he teased. "I love you." He turned and kissed him. "Maybe when we get home." He stepped around Sebastian and took his hand. "Let's go eat. As he walked through the kitchen, he said, "At least we had the forethought to make bread and freeze it before we left. And we have enough soup for our lunches tomorrow in the freezer too. I moved them to the fridge after I finished unpacking." Kurt held the door open for Sebastian. After they were on the landing, he turned back to lock the door, and then took the electric cello bag and followed Sebastian down the stairs.
Seeing Kurt fooling with the lock and his keys jogged Sebastian's memory. "I love the keychain you made me. It's perfect for me, just like you."
"We'll I'm glad you think so – on both accounts."
"I know so." He took and squeezed Kurt's hand as they hit the landing. "I love you. You fooling with your keys made me think of the keychain you made me while working at JJ's. When you're released to work next week are you going to call him and see if you can go back?"
"I thought about on the flight back. I am going to call. I like working with Isabelle, but fixing cars is a trade that is more consistent than fashion and performing. I want to keep my skills up, but I'm going to see if he has room for me to work maybe six hours a week. I'd still make enough for groceries if I ever can't stay on at Vogue and I can put what I make in savings for trips to Florida and wherever."
"I'm sure if Aunt Izzie has anything to do with it, you'll keep your job."
"She's not in charge of the Human Resources Department though."
"That's true, but she would never willing let them transfer you or let you go. She took me aside the first time we were in Florida and told me that I had chosen well."
Kurt laughed. "She was my fairy godmother when I came here. I've told you that. She made my life bearable and enjoyable. When she first hired me, she told me she hoped that I never lost my wide-eyed Lima optimism. And just a week later, I came in dead inside. She helped me through one of the worst times of my life."
"I'm glad she was there for you, that someone was there for you."
"Me too." Kurt pulled Sebastian around the corner. "Can you hear them calling our names?"
"What?" Sebastian looked lost.
"The tacos. Carnitas, chicken, and maybe even a fish taco. I'm starving."
"Sounds perfect." Sebastian chuckled. "Is that what sirens would lure you with? 'We have tacos – every kind.'"
"That might work if I'm this hungry, almost. But then, I'd remember what made me this hungry and I'd come to my senses and remember that I'm gay."
Sebastian burst out laughing. "Maybe there are male sirens to lure the gay sailors away."
Kurt pulled the door to Mercado sin Mancha open and let Sebastian walk through. "Somehow that just doesn't seem right." He stopped at the counter and ordered for both of them.
Sebastian stepped past him and picked up silverware and napkins and put them down on the table. He put his electric bass in the booth seat and went back and grabbed the electric cello from Kurt and took it to the table. Kurt joined him as soon as he grabbed their tray of tacos. They focused on eating and left as soon as they finished, dumping their trash in the recycling bins and leaving the tray on the rack on their way out.
"That hit the spot," Kurt said as they waited for the light to change to cross the street.
"It definitely did."
They were surprised to see Isabelle sitting with Santana and Dani when they got inside the club.
"Good evening, boys," she said as she stood up to hug both of them. "You're looking sun-kissed and relaxed. I take it that you enjoyed Florida with your parents."
"We did," Sebastian said.
"Jillian went on and on about what fun she had with you two and Marley while she was down there."
"We had fun with them too," Kurt said.
Chandler and Elliott sat down and joined them when they came in a few minutes later.
"Should I go put our names up?" Chandler asked. He looked around and saw everyone nodding, so he got up.
Kurt and Sebastian both followed him and put their names up individually. They looked at each other curiously. Sebastian winked at Kurt and kissed him chastely before they went back to their table.
Kurt sang the song he had sung for Sebastian in Florida, changing the lyrics slightly as Sebastian had requested. The crowd really got into the song and clapped when he finished. When Kurt sat down, Sebastian wrapped his arms around the back of Kurt's chair and rubbed circles into his shoulder with his thumb.
Sebastian had left a space between Kurt's name and his, so his name was up a few minutes later. Dani followed him up to the stage and picked up a guitar. Sebastian didn't introduce himself or the song. He just waited for Dani to play a short introduction and he began to sing.
Talk.
Let's have a conversation in the dark.
World is sleeping. I'm awake with you.
With you.
Watch.
Movies that we've both already seen.
I'm not even looking at the screen. It's true.
I've got my eyes on you.
And you said that you're not worth it.
You got hung up on your flaws.
Well, in my eyes you are perfect
As you are.
I will never try to change you, change you.
I will always want the same you, same you.
Swear on everything I hold dear,
That I won't break your heart.
I'll be there when you get lonely, lonely.
Keep the secrets that you told me, told me.
And your love is all you owe me.
And I won't break your heart.
On,
Sunday mornings we never sleep in.
Even though I could sleep forever next to you.
Next to you.
We've,
We've got places we both want to see.
There's nothing I'd rather do,
Than enjoy my day with you.
When no one seems to notice,
And your days, they seem so hard,
Babe, you should know this:
My love is everywhere you are.
I will never try to change you, change you.
I will always want the same you, same you.
Swear on everything I hold dear,
That I won't break your heart.
I'll be there when you get lonely, lonely.
Keep the secrets that you told me, told me.
And your love is all you owe me.
And I won't break your heart.
And I won't break your heart.
Santana scooted down next to Kurt. "God, he's as sappy as he is sarcastic. He's so in love with you."
"I know. I love him too."
She looked him over. "I see."
He knew that she knew. Her and her damn Mexican third eye. "No point in denying what you already know." He winked at her.
"So?"
"I don't kiss and tell," he said.
"Well, that's no fun. I admit that, if he hadn't been gay, I would have totally seduced him after our little duet. He's sexy as hell."
"Mmm hmm."
Sebastian slid in next to Kurt just in time to hear the very end of what Santana said. "Who?" Sebastian looked around to see who Santana was referring to.
Kurt turned and kissed him. "You, sweetie."
"O-kay…" He looked at Santana and glared with a raised eyebrow.
"Unfortunately, you caught that. It was supposed to be my guilty secret."
"What is?" Dani leaned in, eyes curious.
Sebastian answered, "That I'm quote 'Sexy as hell.'"
"That's not a secret, guilty or otherwise. Anyone with eyes can see that Sebastian's hot." She kissed Santana on the cheek and cackled because Sebastian was blushing even more. "Surely, you knew this. Santana said you were pretty full of yourself in high school."
"Overcompensation for lack of self-esteem, as well as covering over a broken heart and my crush. You know... I acted like I thought I was God's gift to the world while knowing deep inside that I was no one. I used my year in Paris to learn to portray myself as someone else, someone popular. My cousin Henri was popular. I rode his coattails. I had visited before during summer breaks and his friends automatically assumed that I was cool here, so my lack of being cool there was overlooked and attributed to not knowing how to be cool in Paris. Henri and his friends took me under their wings, taught me how to fit in there as much as possible, and made sure that everyone knew that I was part of the popular group."
"And you came back portraying yourself as having been 'all that' in Paris to give yourself an air of superiority," Kurt added.
"Yes. I wanted to be untouchable, above everyone on the social scale. So high up that no one would consider bullying me again. My parents have money. My dad has a high-level government job. I was cool in Paris. I put all of those things together and adopted a 'Why should I bother with the likes of low-life hicks from Ohio?' attitude. It was all really just a façade. I was at the bottom of the social heap before I left. I was bullied out of my high school, which is why I fled to Paris to start with."
Santana didn't say anything in response, clearly pondering the new information.
Kurt leaned into Sebastian and kissed him below his ear and said, "I loved your song. That one was new."
He nodded. "I wrote it when we were in Florida. Dani is amazing. I called her and sang it into her voicemail and she worked on the guitar part and sent me the recording. I practiced whenever I'd go make our breakfast and bring it back. That's why I closed the door so you wouldn't be able to hear me well enough to be able to tell what I was singing."
"I'd get up and brush my teeth and fiddle around in the bathroom with moisturizing and sing to myself, so I couldn't hear you at all. You're very sneaky. And according to Santana, you're as sappy as you are sarcastic. You caught the last part of her statement about being sexy too."
"Mmm hmm." He turned towards Kurt and pecked him on the lips.
Santana interrupted them and teasingly said, "You two are gross."
"We know," Kurt smarted back and pecked Sebastian on the lips. Kurt glanced back over Sebastian's shoulder when he opened his eyes. "Don't turn back and look, but Rachel is here."
Santana started to move.
"I said don't turn back and look."
"She was hanging around outside my dressing room yesterday, but when I called her out on it, she said she was just wandering around 'centering' herself or some nonsense. I bet she overheard me talking to Dani. I had her on speaker when was I grabbing my stuff to leave to go to band practice last night. Five bucks says she followed me to NYU and spied on us."
"I'm going to get up and go sign up to sing again. And I'm going to swing around behind where she's sitting to see what she's up to."
Sebastian nodded.
Kurt managed to stay out of her direct field of vision and discovered that she was FaceTiming with Blaine. He made his way closer in an attempt to hear what they were saying.
"Blaine, I think you just need to give it up. I know that you want him back, but I'm 100% that's never going to happen."
He couldn't hear Blaine's response.
"Yes, of course, I'll flip the screen and let you see anything else they get up and perform. He looks happy with them."
He still couldn't hear Blaine.
"I get that. I do. I'm never going to get to be with the man that I thought was my soulmate."
Kurt walked away and made his way back to their table. He sat and held Sebastian's hand while he waited for his name to come up. When it did, he sat down at the keyboard and adjusted the mic.
I don't hate you.
No, I couldn't if I wanted to.
I just hate all the hurt you put me through.
And I blame myself for letting you.
Did you know I already knew?
Couldn't even see you through the smoke.
Looking back, I probably should have known.
But I just wanted to believe that you'd
keep sleeping alone.
Loved me with your worst intentions.
Didn't even stop to question,
Every time you burned me down.
Don't know how, but for a moment
It felt like heaven.
Loved me with your worst intentions.
I painted us with a happy ending.
Every time you burned me down.
Don't know how for a moment,
It felt like heaven.
And it's so gut-wrenching,
Falling in the wrong direction.
How did you sweep me right off my feet?
I can't keep falling in the wrong direction.
When you tried again to sweep to sweep me off my feet,
I couldn't keep falling in the wrong direction.
On my tiptoes,
But I still couldn't reach your ego.
Guess I was crazy to give you my body, my mind.
Don't know what I was thinking until now.
Everyone thinks that you're somebody else.
You even convinced yourself.
Loved me with your worst intentions.
I painted us with a happy ending.
It was so gut-wrenching,
Falling in the wrong direction.
No more falling in the wrong direction.
The crowd clapped when he finished. He looked over towards the person whose name was up next and wordlessly asked to perform one more song. The girl nodded. Kurt started again.
I walk into a crowded room.
Everybody staring.
What did I, what did I do wrong?
What did I, what did I do wrong?
Oh, you see what you want to see,
But you don't even know me.
What did I, what did I do now?
What did I, what did I do now?
He said, she said. Over it.
You're acting like your brilliant,
But you don't know,
Yeah, you don't know.
You don't know a thing at all.
You don't know about the way I am,
When I am all alone.
You don't even know,
The way I care, the way I've grown.
You don't know about the way I love,
So deeply to my bones.
You don't even know me.
Woah, woah.
I walk it off and brush away,
Everything you say,
'Cause I don't care. I don't care.
At all.
I don't care. I don't care.
At all.
You don't even know me.
Woah, woah.
You don't even know me.
The crowd clapped again. Kurt stood and bowed just slightly and left the stage. He walked along the side of the room that the restrooms were on to avoid drawing attention to himself. He went into the men's room and washed his hands quickly. When he left, he headed towards Rachel, but from behind so that she couldn't see him easily. He turned his phone camera on and began to record. He approached quickly enough that she didn't have time to close the call.
"It's fine. Keep the camera on," he said to a startled Rachel. He pulled the chair at her table next to her and leaned in a bit. He continued to record. "Those last two songs were for the two of you. When I was really down and broken after Finn died, I took to putting my feelings into words and writing music. I wrote the first one about you, Blaine. It's one of the first ones I wrote. I wrote the second one about you, Rachel. Always gossiping. I'd walk into a classroom and people would look at me and I never knew what gossip had gone around that day." He pointed to Rachel's phone. "This spying on me, or whatever you want to call this, ends now. Blaine, you chose to cheat on me. We're through permanently. No possible reconciliation. Not even as friends. You've made that choice by not listening to me and disregarding my wishes. The phrase about me knowing better? That night at Scandals should have been the end. And Rachel? The day you told me that I should audition for the role of Fanny should have been the day I walked away. I've given you both far too many chances. And this is the end. This is a public place and I won't ask you to leave. But just know that I've recorded this and will keep it to show that I've repeatedly asked both of you to leave me alone."
"Kurt–" Blaine started out in his condescending, you-don't-really-mean-that tone of voice.
"No. I do mean it. I mean it absolutely. Leave me alone. I'm happy now. Just let me be happy. Go find someone new. Find a way to make yourself happy. See a counselor. Take up yoga. Whatever. But I will never be a part of your life willingly."
Rachel closed the FaceTime app. "I came here to show him that you weren't going to go back to him."
"You interfered in my life again. You should have refused to spy on me. I don't think it's possible for you to be friends with both of us right now. Maybe in time. But in my time, not yours."
"He's so bored in Ohio, Kurt. He has to go to college there for four years or his dad won't pay his tuition."
"His family's rules are not my problem, Rachel. Nor are they yours. If your dads had said, 'Ohio or we won't pay.' What would you have done?"
"Come here anyway and just start auditioning until I got a role. Probably worked someplace like the diner to pay for a tiny place. I belong here, Kurt."
"I get that. I do. I'm here too. Remember me selling the only thing of value I owned to come here after killing my audition and getting rejected and you choking yours and getting in anyway?"
She nodded.
"You were so thrilled to see me. You ran to me, hugging me like I was a lifeboat on the Titanic. I paid to fix the loft up for us. And then somehow, you lost sight of my being there for you when no one else was. How I made our place a home. You turned on me and went back to treating me like I was beneath you. You became a star and the worst diva version of yourself. I have made my way here despite you pushing me down and treating me as your accessory. Do you honestly ever remember how you told me that you missed me, and then turned around and saw me and nearly bowled me over with the hug you gave me? It hurts, Rachel. I was good to you. I loved you the only way I know how – with everything that I am. And you stepped on that over and over and over again."
She nodded. "I do remember. I was sitting on the edge of the fountain talking to you on the phone. You told me to turn around, and I saw you." A few tears slipped down her cheeks.
Kurt refused to let himself get drawn into her crying.
"I don't know what's wrong with me."
Refusing to speak to that Pandora's box question, Kurt took a deep breath before he continued.