a/n: mild Jude warning, mild Fenrir warning?
To say that Emma was exhausted was putting it far too simply. She had spent almost the entire night trying to work through what she wanted to do and what her plan was. By the time she had a solid idea of what she wanted to do, it was five in the morning, and she had to brew the Wolfsbane Potion. She took a quick half-hour nap before forcing herself out of bed and down to the dungeons. Emma didn't think it was one of the better batches, but it would serve its purpose.
She felt foolish sitting in the Hog's Head once more and felt even stupider that she had arrived before Fenrir. However, she had a plan, and she needed to show him that she meant business. Being several steps ahead of Fenrir was the most important thing. She would have to play nice with him even though she was still angry with him, but it would make things that much easier.
She stared sleepily at the bottle of Butterbeer she was nursing. She had tried to order something other than Butterbeer, perhaps a Firewhiskey or even Berry Ocky Rot, but the barman wasn't having it. With an aggravated huff, Emma tossed down the last few Sickles she had on her. She dropped her wand and knife off as he handed her a dusty bottle of Butterbeer. She flashed him a sneer as she snatched the bottle up and proceeded over to the table Fenrir brought her to last time.
Emma's head snapped up as someone sat across from her, and she was only mildly startled by the growl that escaped her lips. Apparently, the tired version of herself was more than willing to let Soleil out, but then again, Jude always seemed to inspire that reaction.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Emma snarled as she looked at Jude. Somehow, he looked more arrogant than the last time she saw him. Knowing what she knew about him, his dark, dragon-hide suit was almost pathetic. He had gotten a haircut at some point so that he looked even more like a proper ponce with his hair pushed back. Emma thought he looked stupid.
"I could be asking you the same thing," Jude drawled. "On a date with your dog?"
"Oh, fuck off," Emma scoffed. A part of her knew she should be worried because her wand was most definitely at the bar, but Jude didn't know that. "Here for a date with your boyfriend? I see he isn't here, so does that mean he stood you up? Can't say I'd blame him – who wants to look at you?"
"Such a little bitch, just like your whore of a mother."
"Don't you dare talk about my mother like that," Emma growled through grit teeth. She started to rise from her seat, but a firm hand pushed her back down. Emma felt herself start to growl out of pure instinct at who the new person was. Her head whipped around to give them a piece of her mind until she realized it was Fenrir. He peered down at her, an eyebrow lifting slightly.
"Settle down, little one," Fenrir said gruffly, the hand on her shoulder sliding across her back to her other shoulder as he stood next to her. Emma didn't entirely hate the gesture for one of the first times ever, surprised by the sudden solidarity. "What are you doing, Jude? Where's your boyfriend?"
Emma bit the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling at the dark look that crossed Jude's face. Jude seemed less than pleased to see Fenrir, and the muscle in his jaw jumped. He looked between Emma and Fenrir, looking as though he was holding back from saying something.
"Spit it out, Judas," Fenrir said with a drawn-out sigh. "You're wasting my time. I've got business to take care of."
Jude ran his tongue over his teeth, fixing Emma with a hard stare and letting out a single disbelieving laugh.
"Well, if you would have taken care of business already, I wouldn't have to act as if I give a shit," Jude drawled, crossing his arms as he looked up at Fenrir. "Since you've decided that this worthless waste of space deserves to be around, I now have to uphold my end of things. I have to at least pretend that I have any desire to see her, so I can make sure that I can take care of the issue myself. And as I'm legally considered her father for the moment, that means I've had to make some oh so difficult decisions."
"So it was your fault," Emma said sharply. Fenrir's grip on her arm tightened slightly, and Emma continued to glare at Jude. "You're the reason Dad can't be here today. You're why I've been pulled out of therapy, isn't it?"
"What did you just say?" Fenrir asked Emma. His tone was an odd mixture of soft and demanding, and Emma grimaced.
It took Emma a moment to meet Fenrir's gaze, and his expression was dark. Fenrir didn't entirely understand the idea of therapy or why she needed it but understood that it helped her. She could still recall the befuddled expression on Fenrir's face as they sat in her room at the Moon's at three in the morning one night.
It wasn't the first time they had the discussion, but it was the first time Emma was willing to discuss things more in-depth. She remembered the way Fenrir's eyes were narrowed, face twisted with his confusion as he held a cigarette between his teeth. Emma was more than relaxed with the joint he gave her, and she most definitely laughed when he just shook his head with a muttered, "I don't fucking get it." All Fenrir had gotten from the conversation was that it was something that she needed to do to take care of herself, and that was enough. He wanted her as healthy as possible.
"I had therapy last night and was told it was my last appointment," Emma said. "When I got back from it, I was informed that Dad wouldn't be able to come to be here today. Apparently, there was a need to have an emergency meeting as they're pulling Sirius's involvement in my life into question. Last I knew, they weren't bringing Sirius up at all and that things were in our favor."
"Interesting," Fenrir said, looking over at Jude. "And you wouldn't happen to have anything to do with that, would you, Judas? I thought we went over this already."
Emma picked up her Butterbeer bottle to take a drink, more than content to let Fenrir deal with Jude. She was set to shoot Jude a glare as he opened his mouth, but before he had a chance to get a few words out, Fenrir was on him. Emma could care less about Fenrir having his hand wrapped tightly around Jude's throat. She snorted as the barman shouted a "Fucking really? Again Fenrir?" but Fenrir didn't relinquish his hold. Emma had no idea what Fenrir was saying to Jude, and though she really wanted to know, she thought it best to enjoy her drink. She tried to keep her attention elsewhere, but she was oddly fascinated by what was happening in front of her. Emma wasn't at all sure what that said about her.
When Fenrir released Jude, it was only because Ellis had stepped into the building. Emma turned her head to look over at Ellis and gave him a friendly wave which he sneered at. Jude pulled himself up, his face twisted in a rage when Fenrir let go of him. Emma tensed up as Jude went to pull his wand out, but Fenrir was much quicker, his hand gripping Jude's wrist and squeezing tightly.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Fenrir growled. A faint smirk crossed his face as he squeezed Jude's wrist a little tighter. Emma was surprised when Jude immediately dropped his wand back in his pocket and was impressed with herself. She knew just how hard Fenrir's grip could be, and she held onto her wand for much longer. Even though it had been months, Emma decided to add a proverbial checkmark to her name – another win for Emma Lupin. Jude practically scurried over to Ellis, sending a withering glare in Fenrir's direction.
The quietest growl Emma ever heard from Fenrir rumbled up from his chest, and she froze slightly when he looked at her fully. He was aggravated, and though his aggravation wasn't directed towards her, it was enough to worry her. She flinched back slightly when his hand came out to cup her chin and lift her face to look at him. His touch was gentle, and if Emma wasn't going into things with a plan in mind, it would threaten to break her resolve. She had to remind herself that she was pretending to be willing to work with him; his unexpected softness didn't change every single terrible thing he had done. Fenrir would always be a monster.
"Did you not sleep?" he asked. His hand moved from her chin, and he brushed the back of his fingers against her cheek as he studied her. It was too reminiscent of Remus's actions for Emma's liking, but she tried to ignore it. This was all a game.
"No," Emma muttered, setting her bottle back down on the table and trying to hold back her yawn and failing. It was an awful idea to consider negotiating with Fenrir in such a state, but it somehow didn't feel like one of her worst decisions. Then again, that was possibly Soleil talking for her. Emma's eyes closed unwillingly as Fenrir's hand came up to run through her hair. Her entire body stiffened when she felt the scratch of his nails against her scalp, but he was careful.
"I know you're tired because this practically has you purring like a kitten," Fenrir chuckled.
"Oh, shut up," Emma grumbled. "The past few weeks have been miserable."
"I can tell," Fenrir said, sitting down next to her instead of across. His hand came back up to run through her hair, fingers playing with the strands. "Your hair is getting long again. But you've also lost weight."
Emma tried to keep herself from scowling at Fenrir, but she couldn't stop her face from twisting with her aggravation. Of course, Fenrir would pick up right away that she had lost weight, but then again, she had noticed it too. It wasn't like she planned to lose weight, but the nightly games of Quidditch and ballet kept her more active than usual. Emma was doing something from the moment she woke up to the time she finally convinced herself to sleep, and if she forgot a meal or two, well…
She had been startled when she looked at herself in the mirror that morning. Her eyes were still bright, something that she was still getting used to seeing, her hair shiny and healthy. Even her skin was less prone to spots, but there was no denying that she had lost weight. Emma wouldn't consider it unhealthy, not exactly, but it was certainly evident in her face. She figured that she could more than make up for it during the week.
"I'm still eating," Emma muttered when she took in Fenrir's disapproving stare. It was the exact look that Remus would give her if he saw her, disappointed and unsure that she was telling the truth. Apparently, she still hadn't won over that bit of trust in Fenrir as he looked dubious. She glanced over at Jude and Ellis talking quietly at the opposite side of the room, and sighed. "I've been playing Quidditch a lot more. And I didn't bother putting it in a letter since I knew I was seeing you today, but I've been doing dance again."
"Ballet?" Fenrir questioned, his expression curious for a moment. "Ah, you've made friends with the students from Beauxbatons," he added in understanding. "You did always say you wanted to go to Paris and take lessons when you were younger."
Emma nodded, shoving Fenrir's hand away lest she get too comfortable. "I wouldn't say that I've made friends with anyone from Beauxbatons," Emma huffed. "The moment they heard your name and mine in the same sentence, they've been steering clear of me."
"And why would our names be said in one sentence?"
"Remember? Werewolf supremacist," Emma said, giving Fenrir a pointed look. "One of the boys from Beauxbatons was very curious to know about where my scars came from. I'm not too sure who told, but they mostly avoid me now."
"And Durmstrang?"
"Well, that's a different story," Emma said slowly. "But I don't feel like talking about that right now." Fenrir looked less than pleased, but he nodded, looking over at Jude and Ellis for a long moment.
"Bastards," he muttered. "Can't even bother to wait until I leave…"
"Do I want to know?" Emma asked.
"No," Fenrir growled. "But don't worry about it – I'll take care of it later."
"Well, that's one of the things I wanted to talk about today," Emma muttered, letting her attention turn back to Jude and Ellis.
"Hold that thought," Fenrir said, rising from his chair. Emma waited for Fenrir to elaborate, but when he didn't and walked away, she sighed, leaning back in her chair.
This will be worth it in the end, Emma heard Soleil whisper from the confines of her mind. If we are to succeed, we need Fenrir. Emma groaned, rubbing her temples, already wanting Soleil to shut up. It was already frustrating to have to listen to the more annoying part of her consciousness all night.
I'm well aware, Emma thought. Shut up. You're annoying.
I'm you, remember that, Soleil responded.
Emma rolled her eyes, hating that little reminder. If she didn't hear it from Soleil, Fenrir had no problem in reminding her. She was sure to hear it at least once from Fenrir if she dared to let her thoughts stray a little too far.
A glass of a very familiar cinnamon red drink was placed down in front of her as Fenrir returned. Emma's eyebrows shot up in surprise as he sat across from her in question.
"You look like you could use it," Fenrir shrugged, taking a drink from his glass.
"I'm surprised," Emma said, pushing her half-empty bottle of Butterbeer to the side in favor of the Firewhiskey in front of her. She picked up the glass and stared at it for a long moment before taking a drink. The fiery heat from the alcohol was exactly what she needed, and the burn of the liquor going down her throat was almost soothing. "You spent two weeks straight complaining about me wanting to drink more than one glass of wine, and yet you've decided a Firewhiskey is all right today?"
"I'm here to make sure you're not overdoing it. And I'm sure it's a hell of a lot better than whatever shit you were drinking two weeks ago," Fenrir said, an eyebrow arching. Emma paled slightly at the comment as she was positive that information didn't leave the dorms. She certainly didn't tell Persephone about her terrible hangover.
"And what makes you think I was drinking?" Emma asked, setting her glass down and pushing that to the side as well. Was Fenrir testing her again?
"Well, besides how obvious it is by how fast your heart started to race, I have my sources," Fenrir said vaguely. "And no, it's not the little songbird. I haven't written to her in weeks. My new source has been, ah…far more informational and willing to work with me. So…is there anything that you need to tell me?"
Emma was silently grateful that Fenrir had already put her on edge as his question made her nervous. How did Fenrir manage to turn everything around on her so quickly? Who was his new source, and how much did his new source know? Emma's eyes narrowed slightly as she searched Fenrir's eyes, trying to look for any signs of deception, but she knew better. Fenrir never lied to her.
"Is it Karkaroff?" Emma questioned after a long moment. It was the only logical explanation she could come up with, and she frowned when Fenrir let out an amused, barking laugh.
"Absolutely not," Fenrir laughed, jerking his head towards Jude and Ellis. "He's just as spineless as those two. Sung like a bloody canary at his trial just to get his name cleared." Fenrir leaned towards Emma, his gaze searching. "Don't bother asking who it is because I doubt that you would believe me if I told you. In the meantime, let me ask you once more – is there anything you need to tell me?"
Emma still wasn't understanding what Fenrir was getting at, and she frowned at him. Remus had mentioned that there was a strong possibility that Fenrir was fully aware of Greyson, but they had been careful. Other than her accidentally slipping and saying that she had a boyfriend at all, it wasn't like she said who it was. The only thing that Emma could think of was someone saying something about her being with Greyson in Hogsmeade, but she was under the impression people didn't know who he was. Fenrir couldn't be referring to Greyson, could he? Was there something else that she was forgetting? Emma wasn't sure what she had said in the past month.
"I'm not sure?" Emma's answer was careful, and she tried to run through everything she had written to Fenrir in a letter. She kept her responses short and sweet, giving him updates on her classes, not elaborating on more than she needed to. Emma made sure to keep her responses as vague as possible, so it didn't seem like he would be questioning something from one of her letters.
Fenrir was still quiet, which was never a good sign in Emma's book. For him to be studying her so much was worrisome. He was doing the same thing she was and looking to see if she was lying. It was to Emma's benefit that she genuinely had no idea what he could be referring to.
"You've said absolutely nothing about your boyfriend," Fenrir finally said.
Shit, Emma thought to herself. Whoever Fenrir's source was had told him at least that much, and she definitely didn't write that in any letters. She cursed herself for that accidental slip, and she suddenly worried that what she said to Alexi had gotten back to Fenrir already. Luckily it was never spoken of again after that day, but she didn't know what the Durmstrang students talked about.
But that doesn't mean he knows all, Soleil reminded Emma. He doesn't know that you are with the young one. Soleil had a point.
"There's not much to say," Emma countered. "Wasn't aware that I had to tell you every single part of my life. I was very much under the impression that I still have relative freedom as we have yet to discuss anything further."
Fenrir grunted in response, rubbing his beard as he kept his gaze fixed on Emma. "I suppose that you're correct," he finally shrugged. "However, I would think you would tell me at least that much."
"Again, there's not much to say."
"I've been told that he's not a Hogwarts student," Fenrir said slowly. "And this information came out before the other two schools arrived."
"And your point?"
"I find that curious…"
"Why is that curious?"
"Well, that would lead me to believe that he's older. Why else would he not be a student?"
"He could be homeschooled," Emma replied.
"No, I don't think so," Fenrir said, shaking his head. "You see, I've had a long time to think about it, and you've known this boy for a while."
"How long is a while, Fen? You can say that I've known anyone for a while. That's not very clear."
"This boy is the reason why you waited until the very last minute to come home from Diagon Alley, isn't it?" Fenrir asked after a long pause. "You were very careful with how you answered my questions that night, but there was something…off…about you."
I'm not convinced that he doesn't know, Emma thought as her eyes narrowed. Fenrir already knew too much from whatever source he had if he knew that she wasn't with a student. She was hoping that Soleil's response would be faster, but even she was cowed. The one time Emma needed the wolfish side of her to respond, and the wolf was silent.
Give him the answer he's looking for, Soleil finally said. You cannot deny that truth as he has already figured out that's where you met him there.
Greyson ran into me in Diagon Alley, Emma was quick to add. Don't you recall Dad mentioning that his scent was just different enough? Any werewolf would recognize him for who he is.
As long as you don't confirm his identity, then Fenrir cannot find fault. As far as he knows, you could have met anyone that day. Fenrir's scent on your skin would fade just enough that it could be logical that it was still his from that morning. Worst case scenario, you claim that you had no idea who he was.
Except he looks like Fenrir, Emma thought pointedly. Anyone who knows Fenrir would be able to recognize that much in Greyson.
Then we lie. Tell him what he wants to hear, Soleil replied.
"Caught me," Emma shrugged with a long sigh. "Only talked to him for a few minutes, though. I genuinely wasn't ready to head back to the house, and I convinced Persephone to wait. It was the first moment of real freedom away from everyone, and I wanted to take advantage of it. Surely you can't blame me for wanting such a thing when I spent nearly the entire summer cooped up in one building or another."
"And he's your boyfriend? Seems odd to talk to someone for only a few minutes and then finally find yourself in a relationship, no?"
"No one ever said it was the only time I saw him."
"Interesting," Fenrir said slowly, lifting his glass to his lips.
"What's interesting?" Emma asked. "Just last month, you were all for the idea of me sleeping with someone. Now that he's my boyfriend, it's all of a sudden a problem?"
"Oh, no. No, no, no, it's not the fact you have a boyfriend that's the problem," Fenrir said, his gaze darkening slightly.
"Then what's the problem?" Emma asked, trying to keep herself from making herself appear more nervous than she was.
"The problem is that I have a theory," Fenrir replied, his tone deceptively level. "You see, I find it odd that you have never brought this boy up to me, and I had to hear this information from someone else. You have had many opportunities to bring him up, but you have chosen to keep that information to yourself. Normally, I wouldn't be too bothered – after all, we already had the discussion of you being with someone else. I'm not interested in the idea of having to do that much work myself, so it hasn't been my concern what you do. I didn't really give a shit, but then I started to think of every reason why you wouldn't want me to know who he is. After all, we've had the discussion that it's better for me to hear things directly from you and not from a third party…"
"There's not much to say," Emma repeated. "We've only been together for a month."
"I would be more likely to believe that if I didn't know what sort of shit you were getting up to at the beginning of term. I know you well enough to know that you're not the type of girl who will sleep with just anyone."
"You're right. I'm not."
"And that's what makes the entire thing even more curious. I thought my theory was very unlikely; after all – what are the chances of me being correct? It would make things complicated, if I'm correct. And I confess, I have my suspicions."
"Well, that's all they are, Fen," Emma challenged. "Theories and suspicions. I'm not telling you when it's none of your concern right now. Until I'm actually in the pack, I'm free to do whatever I please. You don't need to know absolutely every little thing I do or who I'm with. If I tell you, then I tell you. If not, then you'll just have to deal with it, won't you?"
Fenrir's gaze darkened further, and Emma sat back in her chair as Fenrir leaned forward towards her once more. If he wasn't going to mention who he thought it was, she certainly wasn't going to tell him, but her stomach was twisting. He knew far too much, and that wasn't good.
"But none of this is what we're here to discuss, Fenrir," Emma said icily when Fenrir didn't say a word. She genuinely couldn't understand how Fenrir turned conversations around so quickly and put them in such dangerous territory. Emma reached over for her glass to take a drink of Firewhiskey, desperate for some form of liquid courage. "Today is about negotiating, and this isn't part of it." She looked back over at Jude and Ellis, who had their heads close together. "I certainly wasn't expecting those two, and I've got questions about them, but those can wait. For now. I would like to just be finished with this part of things so I can move along with my life."
Fenrir's displeasure was evident in the way his lips started to pull back with a growl, but he quickly tamped it down. He knew Emma well enough that she wouldn't be likely to agree to anything if he was confrontational.
"I hope for your sake…and his…that I'm wrong," Fenrir said, fixing Emma with a hard stare. "However, you're lucky, and I find myself with an added task to take care of –" Fenrir looked over at Jude and Ellis pointedly "– and so I'll have to cut things short and can't get the answer out of you today. So, best get on with it then, Rabbit."
Emma resisted the urge to let out the breath she was holding and nodded. She didn't like that Fenrir called her Rabbit, but it was better than him jumping straight to Soleil. Then again, she wasn't sure if Fenrir ever would since he hated the name and seemed to avoid it like the plague.
"Right," Emma said, taking another sip of Firewhiskey and setting down the glass. She was unsettled by Fenrir's line of questioning, but she couldn't let that make her lose sight of what she was trying to do. "I was doing a lot of thinking, and I realized that I need your help at this point. I know what you want from me, and I think what I have to say you'll enjoy, but I figured it would be best to start broad before getting into details."
"You need my help?" Fenrir asked, looking only marginally interested.
Emma nodded, glancing over at Jude and Ellis once more. "I need to go home, and you know that just as much as I do," Emma said pointedly. "But again, I'd like to start in a more general sense of things before getting into that." Fenrir gestured for Emma to continue, and she leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms.
"I want my freedom," Emma said simply. "Now and after I leave school. You already have my loyalty, but I want to be able to make a name for myself that doesn't involve you."
"You have your freedom," Fenrir said slowly. "You've always had your freedom. In fact – you have more freedom now than you did a few months ago because you made the right decision."
"But you know what I mean, Fen. I need a life outside of you."
Fenrir frowned, his head tilting slightly with his confusion. "And what makes you think that you need a life outside of me? I'll more than provide for you."
"The things we want are similar and very different," Emma replied. "We've known that for months. Your views are far more extremist than mine are. Which, I suppose, leads into my next condition – I want this to be a partnership. I want you to see me as my equal so that we can find a middle ground. You're not the only one who wants better lives for werewolves, but I don't think your approach helps things."
"It allows me to care for my pack."
"Yes, but you're also ignoring the current legislation. Just because you're willing to go to the extremes, it doesn't mean everyone is. If you tone things down, it would make things easier."
"And what do I get out of it if I say yes?"
"Me, obviously," Emma said.
"That was already a given. You're mine."
"Me being willing," Emma corrected. Fenrir's brow twitched upward at the idea of Emma being willing, and she sighed. "I'm aware that I can't do the things that I want to on my own. Dad has every bit of faith in me and what I want to do, but it's going to be difficult. I'm starting to see the appeal in the idea of others being strongarmed into doing what needs to be done."
"And why can't you do that yourself?"
"Because I am practically half your size," Emma said pointedly. "Not exactly the most terrifying thing in the world, am I? I'm unintentionally giving myself a reputation, but it's not the same as yours. People hear your name, and they know what they're getting into – you're bloody terrifying. I'm not."
"So you're using me for intimidation?"
"Yes and no. I'm asking for you to be willing to work with me on things. There are key components to current laws that need to be changed – half of which are because of you, might I add. The stigma over werewolves already existed, but I would like to change that. You absolutely do not help that cause."
"And you're aware that when the Dark Lord returns, that's all going to change again?"
"Dark Lord or not, someone needs to be willing to be an advocate. We have two completely different approaches to how we deal with things."
"And you really think that you can change things?"
"Yes," Emma said earnestly. "Realistically, how many people have tried? Considering the research I've done regarding the Ministry, it doesn't seem like anyone cares. Werewolf support services has jumped from between the Being department to Beast several times over the past few years, and it's run by whoever is needed at the time. Really, it deserves its own dedicated department as werewolves are complicated. It's not like every werewolf is in a pack."
"Though they should be."
"But that's not the life every werewolf wants, Fen. That's the point. I have ideas – hundreds of different ideas of what can be changed. You've sat and told me that you're not the monster everyone makes you out to be, then why don't you prove it?"
"My methods are fine, and I enjoy the reputation I have."
Of course, you do, Emma thought bitterly to herself. She knew it was going to be too much to dare ask Fenrir to help her with something of the sort.
"Then let me do it," Emma said.
Fenrir shifted in his seat, tapping the table with his clawed fingers as he considered what Emma had said. His gaze was fixed on hers, and Emma struggled to maintain eye contact. She knew that she was issuing a challenge by not looking away, but if she looked away, she felt she would lose the possibility of being equal.
"I already agreed to a partnership, of sorts, a few months ago," Fenrir finally said. "However, considering the current climate, I cannot reasonably give an answer to your 'desire for freedom.'"
"Why not? I think it's a reasonable request."
"Currently, yes. And you have it. However, the moment things change, we will have to discuss further," Fenrir replied, gesturing vaguely. "If I cannot guarantee your safety, I will not agree to more than what you currently have. As long as you are in the castle, or with your father or with me, I can feel confident in letting you out in the world."
"So you worry about me?"
"I take care of what's mine, and you are mine. I kept you alive as long as I have, and other than that brief little stunt you pulled, I plan to keep you that way," Fenrir said simply, looking over at Jude. "Unfortunately, that idiot over there is still a cause for concern. Someone hasn't figured out stop sticking his nose where it doesn't belong."
"And do you plan to take care of that situation?"
Fenrir only shrugged in response. "Depends on what you have to say."
Emma took a deep breath to try and nodded. It was the sort of answer that she expected from Fenrir. "Then it's a yes to a partnership and equality, and to be decided on me having freedom?"
"Yes to a partnership, but you will have to work for equality. As I said before, you're not automatically going to be given absolutely everything. I would grant it, but that's not how things work in the pack. It's not just me that you have to prove things to – if you want equality, you're working for it and proving that you're worthy of it. You seem to have an aversion to the word 'mate,' so partners will have to do until you figure out the difference yourself.
"You already have your freedom, but we will discuss anything further than what you have now when the time comes. I'd prefer to know where you are at all times while certain situations are taken care of. It's just these trips into Hogsmeade are complicated."
"Why are they complicated?"
"Because they pull me from where I need to be as I have to make sure that you're kept safe as I can't trust the bastard. And as your father apparently will not be here today…"
"Well, I was thinking about that," Emma said, worrying her lip between her teeth. "I was actually wondering if you would bring Boris with you sometimes. I know Boris isn't you, but…"
Emma knew it was a risk to bring up the idea of having Boris in the village at all, but she was playing the long game with Fenrir. If she was going to destroy what Fenrir built, she would have to do it slowly, and Boris was one of the first steps.
She remembered the way Boris's face lit up when she let him use her wand and got to experience a different type of magic. A werewolf could do plenty of magic, but Boris's magic was still untamed if his attempt at lighting her wand was anything to go by. She wanted the children in the pack to be educated, to be more than what Fenrir was allowing them to be. Fenrir saw potential, but he didn't entirely look at the bigger picture. If Boris got a taste of what the wizarding world was like, despite the prejudices that he scoffed at, then perhaps she could have help. He knew of the Muggle world, but anything magical was still new to him. She could start with Boris and then Ducky, but Ducky would be a little worrisome with his rambunctious energy.
"Why?" Fenrir questioned, his expression skeptical.
"I miss him," Emma said. It wasn't a lie – she did genuinely miss Boris, but she definitely had a motive. "I thought it would be nice to spend time with him, and as I'm currently left to following school policy, it's easier for you to bring him. Besides, wouldn't it be good to have another wolf that can blend in with the magical community? He would be with me, and he listens to me so I can make sure nothing happens."
Fenrir still looked doubtful. "Let me think about it," he said after a pause. "I'm sure that there is more that you're looking for?"
"I want a guarantee that I won't be turned until I'm done with school," Emma said firmly. "I know you said that you would wait and that you were trying to think of a solution, but I want to be done with my education. Having to worry about transforming, especially while I currently plan to take an almost full course load for my N.E.W.T.S. is complicated."
"No," Fenrir said. "Your father did it, and so can you. I will give you until you're seventeen with the guarantee. After that, it's my decision. If you plan to serve at my side, especially as an alpha, I am not risking the safety of you or my pack. Just because you smell like a wolf, it doesn't guarantee every wolf will see you that way during the moon."
Emma pursed her lips at the very thought. She hadn't thought about things from that angle, and it was regrettable that it made a lot of sense. Her safety from Moony without the potion came from the familiarity of her being his child, and Fenrir hadn't been around her without the Wolfsbane Potion. Emma was sure that Fenrir would step in if he had to, and it would be an excellent contingency plan, but she didn't want to bring harm to the others.
"Fine," Emma said. "I would much rather finish my schooling. Can we agree to seventeen and discuss again at that time?"
"I suppose I can agree to discuss things again when you're seventeen. That's when you can leave school, after all."
"I have a question about that," Emma said slowly. "About…turning me."
"And what would it be?"
"Does it have to be you?" Emma asked. Fenrir looked taken aback at the very idea that she wouldn't want it to be him turning her, but Emma couldn't stand the idea. "You've already bitten me twice technically. I would rather not have a third from you…it's bloody painful."
"And another wolf would be…less painful?"
"You would enjoy it too much. Can't it be…almost clinical?"
"Let me tell you something – no matter who it is, it's going to be painful," Fenrir said darkly. "Every part of you is going to feel like it's on fire. I know you've mentioned feeling it before, but it will be at least twenty times worse. You are going to be practically begging for death just to make the pain stop as your entire being prepares itself for the sheer power you'll be given. You might be a little luckier than most as you're already a wolf –"
"But I'm not a –"
"But you are," Fenrir said sharply. "Has it never occurred to you that there's a reason why Soleil exists at all? Why your magic is just that much more potent? You say you don't have the heightened senses, but has it never crossed your mind that there's a possibility that you do even in a limited capacity? Or that the changes have been so subtle that you've had more of an opportunity to get used to them versus all at once?"
Emma stared hard at Fenrir, trying to piece together what he was telling her. Soleil's existence was always a concern, but they had all just accepted it as a side effect. She was infected with lycanthropy, but they never considered her more than half as she didn't transform, but were they wrong?
She had picked up on her magic being a little more finicky than before, more prone to overdoing spells now than her first year. But her senses? She couldn't think of anything that could stand out in her mind and confirm the claim that her senses were heightened at all. Emma definitely couldn't see well in the dark, definitely couldn't hear or smell things the same way as a werewolf. At least she didn't think that was a possibility, and as Emma gave an indignant sniff, she felt that she was the one who was right and not Fenrir. She was utterly unremarkable when it came to her senses.
"So what are you telling me?" Emma asked.
"That you're far more wolf than you think you are," Fenrir said. "Just like I've been telling you, and Soleil is proof of that. All it takes is one bite to unlock everything that you're capable of, and I don't believe it would be nearly as painful for you. I believe you would have gone through the worst of it without knowing."
"But it will still be painful."
"There's no getting around it, but the pain eventually fades," Fenrir admitted. "I thought you trusted me?"
"I do," Emma said. Partially, but not really, Emma thought to herself to Soleil's barking little laugh of amusement. "But I don't want it to be you."
"Well, your father clearly has no intention of doing you the favor," Fenrir shrugged. "But do you really want someone else to be the one to do it? You're asking for something 'clinical,' and who better than I to do such a thing? At least I can promise you a clean bite provided you can keep yourself still long enough to let it happen."
Fenrir was really just destroying every single one of her ideas so far as he once again had a fair point. If Remus wasn't willing, at the very least, she could trust Fenrir to do as he said. If he promised her a clean bite, he would be giving her as close to a clinical situation as possible. The bite on her arm only looked the way it did because she had moved, and if she could somehow keep still, it would be fine. It was a means to an end, but the issue was the idea of him possibly having total control over her as alpha. Just because Remus technically was her sire, it didn't mean that Fenrir couldn't force Emma into obedience, and that's what they were looking to avoid. She still wasn't sure that she wanted to be turned at all; it was only during the worst of the full that she ever considered it.
"What about another alpha, then?" Emma questioned. "I think Elle said that she was one of Balin's turns."
"But that was before Balin took over his own pack. I wouldn't dare let another alpha get anywhere near you to turn you. You have limited choices if it were to be someone else. The only one I would possibly consider is Eirwyn, but I wouldn't dare follow through on such a thing."
Thwarted again. Fenrir wasn't going to budge, which left Emma with very few choices, especially with everything going on. Elara would be the next possibility after her father, but even she was hesitant of the idea. She would do it if she had to but considering everything…Emma couldn't think about it right then. She would get to that at some point.
"Fine," Emma said reluctantly. She paled at the victorious smirk on Fenrir's face and reached for her glass of Firewhiskey. She was not doing too well at all. "There isn't much else that I really want, not in the general sense. I just don't want to be kept away from my family, and I want them and whoever I consider close to be safe. You are not to bring harm to them."
"Your fathers were already a given. I thought you understood that," Fenrir replied.
"I just want the guarantee that you will not hurt either of them and that they'll be given the same protection, too," Emma said. "And I would prefer the others be brought into that arrangement. I think that's a reasonable request, no? I don't want to lose what I have."
"Hm, but that would involve you giving me names," Fenrir said, an eyebrow arching. "And something tells me that you would be rather hesitant to do such a thing. I can really only guarantee your safety and say that I can do my best for the others."
Emma shifted in her seat, pulling her gaze away from Fenrir's just long enough to find that his expression was unreadable when she looked up once more. She had no desire to give names, and she feared the conversation would return to dangerous territory.
"I can't give names today," Emma said slowly. "But I have a feeling your source has told you everything you need to know already. You already know the names of the people I want to be kept safe."
Fenrir's lips pressed into a thin line, and he settled himself back in his chair. "You get three names outside of the obvious," he said. "No more than that. I will give you until the Easter holiday to give me your names. I suggest you choose wisely."
Emma nodded in agreement. She would've preferred more than three names, but three people being safe was better than nothing. That and it gave her more than enough time to figure out things a little further.
"And what do you want?" Emma asked quietly.
"The same as before," Fenrir said simply. "I want to own every single part of you and to build something more powerful than even the Dark Lord."
"You calling Voldemort the Dark Lord is bloody weird," Emma grumbled. "Is that still all you want?"
"More or less, but it's all up for discussion as time moves on. I've been patient long enough. I suppose I can wait a few more years to fully bring you into the pack as long as we keep certain arrangements."
Emma groaned, rubbing her hands over her face. At least Fenrir didn't change what he wanted from her, but was she entirely willing to say what she was about to? She looked over at Jude and Ellis, who were still talking, and Emma wished she knew what they were saying. Whatever it was, it was enough that Fenrir felt the need to step in, but that didn't mean it was about her. She didn't think they would be so stupid that they would discuss everything within hearing distance of Fenrir.
"I don't agree to you owning every part of me in the sense that you expect it, but what if I said there was a way I'd be more willing? Perhaps a bit more than willing to possibly accept the idea a little easier?"
Fenrir's eyebrows shot up in surprise, and Emma knew his curiosity was piqued. Emma pulled her lower lip between her teeth, suddenly regretting the words that were going to come out of her mouth. She had no idea what it said about her that she was willing to stoop so low, but she wasn't sure that there were any other possibilities. Emma needed guarantees, and Fenrir had very few limits.
"Go on," he said slowly, nursing the rest of his Firewhiskey.
Emma took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"I would be willing to…drop everything and join you completely if you do several things for me," Emma said slowly, cringing as the words left her mouth. She was never going to be able to take this one back. "All I ask is that we keep the discussion of my relative freedom open and that I'm never separated from my family. Really, I would like to keep an open dialogue with everything, but I understand that you won't guarantee that you'll say yes to all of my requests. After all, you're…you're the alpha until you decide I can be on an equal footing with you as an alpha as well."
"Continue," Fenrir said, keeping his tone careful, level. Not quite skeptical and not quite hopeful – just level.
"I'd like to think that I don't ask for much," Emma said. "And if you were to do all of these things for me, then I would have no choice to join you for doing such massive favors. You already know I want to go home where I belong, so I hope that I don't have to include that in what I say next." Fenrir gave a slight shrug of agreement, and Emma relaxed a little. At least he was giving her that much. "Thank you," she said quietly. "For that much, at least."
"It's fucking stupid what they're doing," Fenrir said. "You're just lucky that you and your father are…a special case to me. I wouldn't do such a thing for just anyone."
"All the same, thank you," Emma said, glancing over at Jude. "I doubt I need to remind you of what I said over the summer regarding that situation. I want happiness, and that's a huge hindrance to that."
"I'm surprised," Fenrir said. "You're truly willing to have innocent blood on your hands?"
"Well, we all know he's not so innocent," Emma said darkly. She tried to ignore the pleased twitch of Fenrir's lips and the way his smile practically reached his eyes. He liked this version of Emma, but she hated it. At least whatever she said within the Hog's Head would be kept to the Hog's Head with how far away they were from everyone else. Her questionable request could be left between the two of them. "And it's not on mine; it's on yours. Or your paws. Whichever. I can't say I'm too fussed as long as I'm not the one doing it."
"You don't want to do it yourself? For what he's done?"
"I don't want to be the direct cause," Emma said. "And I have a feeling you would get no greater joy after what you've said about him. I just don't understand why you haven't done it already."
"Because he's fun to fuck with. And very easy to fuck with."
"So you play with your food?" Emma questioned.
"Something like that," Fenrir chuckled. "But go on, I'm curious to hear what else you have to say."
"I need the rat."
"The rat?"
"Pettigrew," Emma said. "I want the rat so that Sirius can be free. I don't like that Sirius is always on the run and the only way he will be free is if there's proof."
"So you want me to take the Dark Lord's second most loyal servant in exchange for setting the dog free?"
"Second most loyal? There's a first?" Fenrir only smirked in response, and Emma nearly growled at him in annoyance. "Yes, that's exactly what I want," Emma said. "I want my family together, and even though I'm a Black, I think it's been voiced by everyone that we're keeping that a secret. None of us have any trust in the Ministry if they're still willing to hand me over to Jude after using the Cruciatus on me. And I don't need to somehow be thrown in Azkaban just for my bloody name."
"So you'll let me risk myself?"
"And how many times have they tried to put you in Azkaban?"
Fenrir's smirk turned into a smug smile, and he chuckled. "I suppose I could go for another round at some point. It's been a while, and I'm getting bored."
"My God, Fenrir," Emma scoffed. "Do you consider it some sort of game to get caught?"
"Something like that," Fenrir shrugged, his smile widening. "It's always fun to –"
"Okay, Fen, I don't need to know," Emma said quickly. She was regretting everything more and more. "I would rather not know."
"One day, you'll enjoy things the same way I do," he said with a sigh. "Is that all?"
"No, and I doubt I'll enjoy things the way you do," Emma replied with disgust. "I'm not sure how this one will work, but I have a particular request outside of my fathers being kept safe."
"And what's that?"
"I can't lose Elle," Emma said quietly.
"Interesting," Fenrir said slowly. "I wondered if you would ever come to me on Elara's behalf."
"She's family," Emma said tightly. "And I had a feeling that Dad was coming to you to ask the same thing of you last month, and that's why neither of you wanted to tell me. Knowing him, I know he was self-sacrificing, but I feel like I'm offering far more."
"And what makes you think that?"
"Because I'm offering myself in my entirety if you do everything I ask."
"It's conditional."
"Isn't our entire arrangement conditional? But that's why we were approaching things as partners. You need me just as much as I need you, and if you want to keep me happy, then these are the things I ask of you. With a few more requests, of course."
"You have a lot of conditions, little one."
"I'm just trying to have all of my bases covered if I'm giving myself to you," Emma said.
"Very well, then," Fenrir said, gesturing for Emma to continue. "Let's hear them."
"I ask that everything we've agreed to remains and isn't altered further until I'm seventeen, as discussed. I ask that you answer the questions that I have – not today, of course, but at some point. And I ask that my name is kept out of all of this," Emma said slowly. "I'm sure that you expect to still…do whatever this is at your request, so I wouldn't dare try to argue it. I'll admit that I don't mind it when you're not threatening to kill me every few minutes, and I would still like to learn how to work with Soleil. If you're still telling me that I'm more wolf, then perhaps it's time I truly learn what that actually means. Clearly, you have more experience in teaching others such a thing, and I trust you to show me what I need to know."
She took a deep breath and lifted her glass to finish what was left of her Firewhiskey. It was risky to even bring up her next condition, but she wasn't taking chances with Fenrir. He had absolutely no proof that Emma was with Greyson, and he wasn't going to dare voice his thoughts. Emma had no doubt that Fenrir knew precisely who she was with, but he would wait to confront her until he had proof. Emma wasn't stupid enough to admit to it on her own.
"But I have one final request, and my request is that you don't dare harm whoever I'm with," Emma added. "They don't deserve to be brought into whatever we have. I consider them just as much family as the others."
Fenrir's expression was unreadable once more, and Emma most definitely stopped breathing. His gaze was searching, his head tilting ever so slightly as he studied her. Emma didn't think he expected her to make such a request, and hopefully it threw Fenrir off just enough to think he was wrong.
"And wouldn't he be involved just by knowing you?" Fenrir asked slowly, running his tongue over his teeth in his aggravation. "I think the time for keeping them out of this has long since passed."
"Which is why I'm covering all of my bases, Fen. I think in the grand scheme of things, I'm not asking for much. I'm giving you what you want, provided you're willing to work with me."
Emma held her breath, already anticipating Fenrir to say no. She knew the things she was asking for were somewhat outlandish, but they were reasonable when it came to Fenrir. He was thinking and thinking hard, his arms crossed over his chest and his thumb running over his lower lip.
Did Emma plan to uphold her end of the deal? Not really, but Fenrir didn't know that part just yet. For the most part, she was honest, but he still appeared doubtful of her claims. She just needed Fenrir to agree to what she asked and, then the rest of her plan could be set in motion. As long as she could guarantee that everyone was kept safe, then she would figure things out as they came up.
She slowly lost hope when Fenrir didn't make any motions to agree to her newest conditions. Fenrir looked over her head towards the clock near the bar and hummed thoughtfully to himself. He stared at the clock for a long moment, rubbing his jaw, and then suddenly, his gaze was back on Emma's, his eyes boring into hers. When he finally held his hand out, Emma thought she might fall out of her chair in surprise. She wasn't expecting him to agree to anything at all, and Emma's eyes darted between his hand and his face.
"Well?" Fenrir prompted, eyebrow arching when Emma wasn't moving. She looked between his hand and his face once more, her brow furrowing. Not wanting to tempt fate, Emma finally took his hand. Emma let out a gasp of surprise when she suddenly felt herself being tugged out of her chair and forced onto her feet. The Butterbeer bottle nearly toppled off the table as Emma tried to keep herself upright. Fenrir leaned in closer to her, pulling her a little lower over the table so their noses were practically touching. His stare was steady, and his lips curled back to bare the faintest sliver of his teeth. "You had better hope that I'm wrong about my theory. You know damn well that I can find out quickly, Emma. If there's anything you need to tell me, I suggest doing it now."
"There's nothing I need to tell you," Emma said, setting her jaw defiantly. Even Soleil was aggravated by Fenrir's sudden switch, but they should have expected it.
"Hmm," Fenrir said slowly. "Well, I certainly hope not," he said, lifting his other hand to stroke her cheek with a twisted grin. "You wouldn't dare think of lying to me, would you, Emma? I would hope that you know better than to insult my intelligence in such a way."
"Of course not, Fen," Emma said, forcing a smile on her face. "I know better than that."
"Smart girl," Fenrir said tightly, letting go of Emma's hand. Emma shot Fenrir a glare as she straightened up. He reached into his coat and pulled out a few Galleons, and he held them out for her to take. "Get out of my sight and get yourself something to eat at the Three Broomsticks and treat yourself before I change my mind. You're practically skin and bone."
"Thanks," Emma muttered. She dropped the Galleons into her coat pocket and pulled her coat closer around her body. Not wanting to test Fenrir further, Emma made her way over to the bar to retrieve her things. She cast Jude one final disgusted look and made sure to give him a particular rude hand gesture before rushing out to the high street. Emma didn't stop moving until she felt that she was far enough away from the Hog's Head, and she leaned heavily against one of the shop buildings.
Emma had no idea how things had somehow gotten even more complicated than before, but at least she finally knew one thing. There was no doubt in Emma's mind that Fenrir knew about Greyson, but that made things that much more difficult. Fenrir couldn't know about them being together. If he did, Emma didn't want to know what he would do.
a/n: This was not supposed to be as long as it is. Fenrir, as per usual, just ruins my word count. Soooo...I have a lot of things I can possibly say here, but I'm super curious to know what everyone else has to say. One particular chapter of Emma's relationship with Fenrir has closed, but a new chapter has opened.
A lot has happened here. Was it good? Possibly. Was it bad? Well... Do we think Fenrir is going to keep to the deal? HEH. Does Fenrir knowwww about Emma being with Greyson? Or is he bluffing to get her to talk? Heheheheheheheh.
I feel evil. I'm not sorry.
To all of my late night readers - thank you, I love you, and good night! To all of my other time readers, I love you and have a good day~ :D
Lucasjan - You are the sweetest. Thank you so much! :D
Maricate - Poor Alexi! Hahaha I always forget what I'm writing so it's okay xD NO ANSWERS FOR YOU! xD
Shard - AAALLLLEEEEXXXIIIII! IT IS HAPPEEENNNIINNGGG AAHAHHHHHH~