POV: Jordan

Sitting in the dark audio visual room didn't really bring me any comfort. Usually the lights, the scent-everything would feel comfortable, natural. But it didn't really feel like anything. It just felt empty, a husk of what it used to me. Or maybe it was just a husk of what I used to be. I couldn't tell anymore, everything about my situation was just so convoluted, so wrong . I couldn't help but feel like I was just using Nathan to achieve my goals.

What were my goals exactly?

End the reign of terror Brittney Coleson had blessed our school with.

Simple goal.

Insanely difficult to do.

Nathan tore me from my thoughts with the sound of a chip bag opening. My ears ringing from the unexpected sound in such a quiet place. One filled with the hypnotic sound of clicking keyboards and murmurs of words.

I turned around in my chair to look at an embarrassed Nathan. "Really? I'm trying to work here," I said.

He rolled his eyes. "Jordan, we've been at this for hours. Eventually someone is gonna find us and we're gonna get in trouble."

"Look, you can leave if you want, but I need to stay and finish this."

He got up from his chair and walked over. "What exactly are you working on?"

I sighed and signaled him to come closer, pointing to the jumble of words on my screen. "I figured since Brittney is going to use hard evidence or whatever, that I should appeal to the carnivores of school. Like you said, they make up most of the population, so if I can get them on my side and explicitly tell the whole how Brittney is bribing everyone, I think this will go well."

Nathan chewed thoughtfully, his eyes fluttering from one word to the next. He didn't say anything for a while, just stared at the words, occasionally rubbing his muzzle, or biting one of his claws. When he did speak, it was slow, methodical. "I like your idea," he said. "However, publicly exposing Brittney is not a good idea. Yes, carnivores do outnumber the herbivores, but they're not going to be so easily swayed. And here-" he pointed to a line and read it outloud. " Brittney has been telling us our whole lives that we're worthless, that we only exist to kill. But she's been lying to us. Her parents run a carnivore meat chain, they sell our meat to herbivores who are selfish enough to buy it. And yet, she has the audacity to tell us we're the monsters ."

He looked like he was in thought, pondering over the statement he just read. His ears moved to different noises, but his eyes were focused on the word document. Like, come on dude, it wasn't that terrible.

Nathan bit his lip. "I would say delete that whole line." I tried to protest, but he cut me off. "Now don't go thinking I'm saying it's wrong, cause it isn't. But saying this publicly isn't a good idea. The bad definitely outweighs the good here."

I was frustrated with everyone telling me what I could and couldn't do. Words needed to be said, actions needed to be taken. Who was going to do it if it wasn't me? If I wasn't going to stand up to Brittney, who was?

My teeth grinded together and my voice was low, almost predatory like. "I'm sick and tired of this bitch who rolls around the school like a pageant Queen." I turned sharply to look at Nathan. He kept his composure towards my shift in demeanor. "Something has to be done about her, I don't care what I have to do."

He nodded in response. "Just don't go eating her, ok? I'm already worried about Alex, I don't want to have to worry about you too."

"Thanks for your concern," I said, shutting my laptop. "But unlike most carnivores, my anger doesn't give me the urge to eat meat. Thanks for the reminder though."

"Jordan, come on, don't act like this."

"Act like what?!" I spat back. "Act like everything little thing could set me off because I'm basically a bomb in a girl's body?! Sorry to burst your bubble Nathan, but that's exactly who I am!"

Nathan darkened his eyes as I tried to slow my breathing from the random outburst of anger. It seemed like both of us were thinking about our next words very carefully, both of us watching each other. It was almost like we were sizing each other up, that we would have this massive fight in the audio visual room.

Then he spoke, his eyes still on mine. "Jordan, if you're really going to do this, you need to learn something." He paced back and forth as I clenched my fists tighter, my claws stabbing into my palms, my jaw tense and ready to attack. "Brittney will stop at nothing to destroy you, she's done it in the past, I don't think I need to remind you about what happened with Jennifer. I know you want to stop at nothing just like her, use whatever advantage you have to rip into her and get her out of this school as fast as possible. But you need to understand that this is a very delicate situation, one small slip of and both of us are screwed.

"I'm practically putting my life on the line here to make sure everything goes smoothly. Your random outbursts can go two ways: Carnivores like them and resonate with them, or they fear you as just another psycho carnivore. I hope it's the former, rather than the latter."

He spoke so eloquently when he wanted too, but also so childish when he was around other animals. He wasn't a dog, so he wasn't allowed to be in the special classes that were taught. So how was he so...mature when he acted like a child around his friends, around animals he was comfortable with? I was scared to see the real Nathan. Was there something sinister hiding underneath those spots, that brown fur of his?

Just another Brittney? No, Nathan isn't like that.

Stop it Jordan! You're just being paranoid!

Nathan caught me staring at him, with my mouth slightly agape. I had nothing to say, I didn't know what to say. I wasn't fear stricken, but I was just trying to get inside his head, playing scenarios in my head and how he would react to them. Would he act just like Brittney? Was he just another Brittney? I kept telling myself I was just being paranoid, but wasn't I allowed to be paranoid? Wasn't I allowed to make conscious decisions about the animals I hung around? Sure Nathan didn't seem like a bad guy, but looks were always deceiving. I had to be on my guard around anyone, didn't matter who it was. Alex was the only animal I could trust, and he was still in the hospital.

Nathan cleared his throat. "I can tell by the way you're staring that you're second guessing your decision to invite me to the club." He picked up his bags and smiled. "If it makes you feel any better, I can quit at your word. Just tell me when and I'll be gone."

Way to go Jordan.

I sighed and slumped my shoulders. "No, wait. I'm sorry. You're right, I do tend to let my anger cloud everything I do."

He shrugged his shoulders. "It's not the worst trait to have. It defines you, it's unique to you."

It was nice to hear someone say that it wasn't the worst flaw an animal could have, especially a large breed carnivore, and I nodded in appreciation.

Nathan motioned his head towards the door. "Come on, it's late, and if we're here any longer, we'll get harassed by security or something. I don't think either of us want that happening."

I stuffed my laptop into my bag, taking a small inventory of everything that we left in the room. Then we headed out into the school together, walking to each of our respective dorms before waving.

Before I could turn the door knob to the dorm, I heard a scuttle of movement to the right. My ears moved to it, my tail going still and my whole body stopping to listen intently. Someone had to be in the hallway with me, but I couldn't smell anything different, and I didn't dare sniff around the place like a canine. I just stayed staring at the white door, the paint peeling back, revealing the wood beneath.

There was the noise again, and I slowly turned around, hoping whoever it was would know I was aware of their presence, maybe they wanted me to know. If they did want me to know, then why would they hide? Wouldn't they just come out and face me?

Unless they were stalking me.

I shouldn't have felt fear, whatever animal it was had to be weaker than me, it just had to be. From the sound of the movement, it was like tiny feet scraping against the ground.

That's what carnivores are good at right? Sizing up their opponent from their looks, knowing exactly when to run and when to fight. But here, I didn't know what to do, even if my brain told me to fight. I had the urge to flee, to run as far away as possible.

A muffled cheerleader laugh stopped my heart from beating. It flowed down the hallway, getting closer and closer. I thought I was in a horror movie.

What the hell is Brittney doing here?!

I shut the door behind me as fast as I could, breathing heavily. Everyone was asleep, and I thought I was just imagining things, until the knock at the door brought me back to reality.

It had to be Brittney, but no way was I going to open the door, I was just going to pretend to be asleep. And if the knocking got worse, I would just let someone else open the door. No way was I going to face her, she had to have been stalking me. But for how long? I couldn't say.

️ ️ ️

Lately everything's got me all tied up, but there was a countdown waiting for me to erupt. I didn't know when it would happen, I really didn't want it to happen, but I knew it was going to. Whether it be on stage with Brittney, in the silent audio visual room, or in a crowd of herbivores.

I needed to let go of whatever morals I had stated before signing up to run for Student Council president. Brittney was going to do whatever she needed to make sure I was ruined forever. So it was time for me to do the same.

Don't me wrong, I cared for other animals. I wanted them to succeed and have a prosperous life. I just knew that acting like the "good girl" wasn't going to get me anywhere. I mean, I had already made that horrible music video advocating for myself, maybe it was time I made another one. Or make a video challenging Brittney. It's not like she ever visited me anymore, even though she knew the audio visual club was back in business.

I rummaged through my dresser, looking for any sort of clothes to bring me comfort. I was tired of wearing the same cropped ripped jeans and push up bra. All the guys at school would just stare at me. It's not like I was wearing it for attention...well, I guess I kinda was. But it was only because I needed to keep up this reputation as this psycho feline who cried in her marble bathtub with her pearls and necklaces. It wasn't the real me; the real me just wanted to wear clothes that felt comfortable and not like I was suffocating.

A grey shirt caught my eye, only it wasn't a grey shirt. It was Alex's grey hoodie that I stole from the hospital. I lifted it out of the drawer, it smelled just like him and the fabric was soft in my hands.

Stephanie elbowed me. "Whatcha got there?"

"Nothing," I said, stuffing the hoodie back in the drawer.

Stephanie pursed her lips and grabbed the hoodie before I could protest. "Ew, this thing smells like a dog." I snatched it away from her. "Wait, isn't that the hoodie of the wolf you fell in love with?"

"No," I murmured. "It's just one I bought at a store."

Stephanie rolled her eyes and walked away.

I took a better look at the hoodie, feeling my hands through the pockets and around the sleeves. I never got to see him wear it, yet, it smelled just like him, it felt just like him. Maybe I would wear it today, something comfortable, something to remind me of him.

I pulled it over my head, it was too big for me, but I didn't care. I felt warm, I felt comfortable.

Missing him is dark, grey, all alone.

I put on a pair of long navy blue jeans, wanting to just blend into the background for the day. Pretending I didn't exist, pretending to hide myself with a bunch of clothes that were too big for me. Nobody would care, nobody would see me. The white fur covered by a grey hoodie, it's all they would see, I would look like everyone else. Standing out took so much energy, so much of my brain just to think about my next course of action.

Today was going to be different. The whispers in the hallway would fade to silence as I walked through them, invisible. My head would be hung, knowing Alex was the only one who would understand, knowing I wouldn't see him for a while.

"You look like a depressed puppy," Emma said.

I shrugged my shoulders. "It's a change of pace. I like it."

"I like it too, I was getting tired of your slutty outfits."

"Thanks Emma, you really know how to cheer me up," I said with a hint of sarcasm. She rolled her eyes and sighed. Whatever, I didn't care about anything right now. Just focusing on putting one foot forward was the only thing I could think about.

The air outside was cold, grey clouds, barren trees. The things you would expect from winter, besides snow. It never really did that here, something about not being enough humidity...or whatever, I never paid attention anyway. Snow was just something I didn't care about, I didn't want a form of water to remind me of what I was, and how I looked. Call me crazy, but it just made me self conscious.

It was hard to tell if it was November or December since they look so similar, hell, they even sounded similar. Winter break was towards the end of December, meaning I only had like, two weeks before the debate with Brittney. The more time I spent not thinking about it, only brought back more stress when I actually did think about it.

I had told Nathan I knew exactly what to say, but putting it in practice was harder than I would've ever imagined. Exposing Brittney, telling the world the truth, putting my life in danger all because of change. That was just the type of animal I was, or who I wanted to be.

Nobody ever told me what they liked about, what stood out about me to them. I was just the snow leopard, nobody.

Until Brittney came along, then suddenly I was the second most popular girl in school. Maybe it was my fault for trying to be someone I wasn't, but who was I then? Who was Jordan the snow leopard?

I'm sure if I asked around, I would get differing opinions. Nobody knows the true me, just like nobody knows the true Alex, or the true Steven...or the true Nathan. We all show different personalities to everyone, never once showing who we actually are. It's a curse that everyone has. The face you wear around your parents is completely different than the one you wear around your friends.

At least Alex's hoodie brought me comfort, although I did feel like a girlfriend wearing her boyfriend's clothes, since they were much bigger than mine. Didn't matter, I liked them.

I went through the rest of the school day as if it were any other day. Having lunch with Vivian, chatting with Steven about math homework, and dreading the audio visual club meeting. I was so anxious the whole day about seeing Nathan. Something about him just didn't seem right, there were just so many red flags in my mind going off when I looked at him. Maybe it was because of that staring session we had, there was so much energy in the air, like we were about to kill each other. But then he so quickly shifted back into the animal that was sophisticated, yet airheaded. I didn't know what to think about him, but my trust in him was slowly fading, he could never know that.

The audio visual club meeting rolled around by the end of the day and I sat in the dusty room alone, waiting for Nathan, waiting for the animal which I deemed a threat. He had to be, there was no other animal-other than Brittney-which made me feel so insecure, so terrified just to look at him.

Nathan opened the door, his nose buried in his phone. He looked up at me and waved. I never knew hyenas could look so scary. I always thought of them as sorta like dogs, but when you really take a look into their biology and history, they were ruthless.

He sighed and sat down at the desk I made for him, it was professional looking with neatly stacked papers and pens. "So, what's the plan for today?" he said.

"The plan?" I said, never really taking the time to think about one.

"Well, we know Brittney has made a short video about how animals shouldn't nominate you. So, what's our counter? We need something."

I just wanted my grey hoodie to engulf me, to suck me into it and have the world forget I even existed. I brought my knees up to my chest, barely fitting on the chair, and I laid my head on top of them. "I don't know, do I really have to?"

"Not really, but it might be a good idea. Sure, the whole school knows about you, but they only know the 'fake' Jordan you're showing them."

"Are you saying I should completely tarnish that reputation? Show them what I really am?" I said, hoping I would be able to neve wear slutty clothes again. I was always getting creepy looks from older men, mostly the teachers.

"No," he said quickly. "Having that image of you is really good, it shows confidence and stature. No, we need something that'll take that idea of you and enhance it...any ideas?"

This was something I didn't want to do, but I gave in anyway. "Well, if she is going to do whatever she wants." I took a deep, knowing my next words, my next actions were something that could completely ruin my relationship with Alex. "I want to use Alex as a way to gain more votes. Show them the love crazed snow leopard I used to be. Show them not to 'blame me' for my actions. Everybody already knows I found him in the bathroom...better make the most of it." I hated every word I said, hated myself for thinking of my friend like that.

Nathan smiled, a sinister, malicious smile. Or maybe I was reading it wrong, but it came across his mouth slowly. "Sounds perfect."

"We're gonna need Alex...he needs to consent to this. I won't do it without him."

He nodded. "Give him a call, or a text, whatever it is you do. Then let's get this show on the road."

I took a deep breath, internalizing what I was about to ask Alex.

Hey Alex, do you think you could come to the school where you almost killed yourself in and help me do an ad that may or may not contain some graphic scene depicting your attempted suicide?

Like that was ever going to work.

Fuck it.

I called Alex with shaky hands, praying he wouldn't answer the phone...but he did.

"Hey Jordan," he said. I imagined him laying down on his hospital bed, staring at the ceiling.

"Hey," I said dryly. "I...need to ask you a question."

"Sure, what's up?"

Moment of truth.

"Nathan and I are doing another video for the Student Council president stuff." I shook my head and rolled my eyes, he didn't want to hear about it, and I didnt want to talk anymore about it. But I did, I continued with the plan. "I was wondering if you could help me out."

There was silence on the phone, deafening almost.

Had I crossed a line? Was there even a line to be crossed?!

What was going on with me?!

He finally spoke, my racing heart wanting to jump out of my chest. "I don't think they'll let me back in the school right now, but I'll ask."

"Thank you." I squeaked out. I put the phone down, my hands shaking in front of my face. I wanted to cry, I hated myself for asking him that question, more importantly, I was beginning to hate Nathan. He looked at me with questioning eyes. "He said he'll ask if he can leave."

Nathan looked down at his laptop and sighed. "I hope he can, we can do it without him, but it won't be the same."

Do you even care that he's in the hospital?

"Anyway," he said. "I've been online looking for clothes you could wear. We still have your white and red dress from the last video, but I was thinking something more...you." He turned his screen over and I mentally prepared myself for a stripper outfit, only to find out that it was a simple blue dress. No frills at the end, no crazy patterns across it, just...normal.

"I'm confused," I said, knitting my eyebrows together. "You want me to wear... that?" I pointed to the screen.

Nathan nodded his head. "For this ad, I want it to be about you and Alex, so I went with a color that perfectly matches your unrequited love story."

My...what?

He continued. "Obviously we'll be switching scenes and you'll have other clothes. Simple outfits, nothing too crazy." He swiveled in his chair and stood up, pacing around the room. "Originally we made you out to be this confident feline that wasn't afraid of anything. But this time, I want to show a more vulnerable side, something for the students to really resonate with." He tapped his muzzle, looking at me excitedly. "I'll get the choir to write the lyrics, I have a couple friends in there that are rooting for you!"

There he went again, changing his personality so quickly, but not so subtly. I wondered how he did it, how did this hyena switch from one personality, to another?

I stuttered my words. "That-sounds great!" trying to put as much emphasis on "great" as I could. Hoping he wouldn't see through the façade I was trying to put up.

Nathan crossed his arms, his eyes staring into mine. Their blue wasn't a comfortable color. It was a dark, scary blue. "If you don't like it," he said. "Just let me know, and I'll think of something else."

I waved my hands in assurance. "Oh no! It's fine, really!"

He sighed. "Jordan, I can tell you don't like it. It's written all over your face."

I laughed nervously, gritting my teeth together. "If anything was wrong, I would tell you."

He seemed content with that response and uncrossed his arms, sitting back down on his throne and typing away. I never got to see what he was typing, I never dared to look. Maybe he was digging up information on Brittney, or on me. Both of those options terrified me to the core.

"Umm...Nathan?"

"Hm?" His eyes never looked up to mine.

"What is it I'll be singing...exactly?"

He smiled, another grin across his face, another sinister smirk. "Don't Blame Me."

WHY AM I SCARED OF YOU?!

My phone buzzed, a text from Alex popped up.

I can go. It read.

"Alex can come," I said, picking up my bags. "I think I'm gonna head out for the day, I'll cya tomorrow."

Nathan nodded, still typing on his laptop.

He could've been working on two things: The script for the ad, or homework. I didn't dare think about anything else as I walked back to my dorm, ignoring the questions from my roommates, and falling asleep.