Ok, here's the next chapter now.

Dick: and we're back! Yay!

Woohoo.

Jason: you don't sound very excited.

For the headache? Forgive me for my lack of enthusiasm.

Damian: fair enough. The last three chapters were alright.

Jason: I'm gonna go hunt down that kid and-

Tim: she made him up. As far as she knows, he doesn't exist.

Wait, does he exist?

Damian: we've said too much. Push the button!

Wait a se-

They were barely five minutes into enjoying lunch when Jason practically flew through the window. He landed on the table smoothly, missing everyone's food, thankfully.

"Hello, Master Jason," Alfred said. It was like he didn't even notice Jason come through the window, all dressed up in his Red Hood outfit. "I have already prepared some food for you as well, though I'm afraid you'll have to change your clothing if you want it."

Jason blinked confusedly at him, looked down at his clothes, and said, "ah. Right."

He hopped off the table, ran downstairs, and came back up, wearing his everyday clothes. Alfred had already set his food on the table.

"Hey, Jason," Dick greeted. Jason nodded a greeting back to him and joined them at the table.

"Hey, guys," he said. "You'll never guess what I just did."

"Did you manage to bring the Joker back to life and kill him again?" Tim asked. Jason couldn't tell if he was being serious or not, so he just ignored the answer.

"Dick, remember that missing rich kid that that other officer had to take because you're on vacation?" Jason asked. Dick nodded.

"Trevs? Yeah, he took the Alex Parsons case," Dick said. His eyes widened. "Did you find him?!"

"Yeah, I did," Jason said. "Regular asshat. Took all my willpower not to shoot him. But I brought him back to his parents, instead."

"Isn't he only 9?" Dick asked. Jason nodded.

"Yeah… shows just how bad he was," he said. "I mean, sure, he was just a kid, but what he said…"

"What did he say?" Tim asked. Jason got a dark look in his eye.

"It doesn't matter," he said. "I got him turned around and heading home. It's all good now."

Everyone shared nervous looks. Whatever Alex had said had really ticked Jason off. Jason shook his head and took a bite of his food, prompting everyone else to drop the matter, at least for now.

They ate and finished lunch, everyone making their way back to the living room. Dick sat cross-legged in the Story Chair and cleared his throat. Jason leaned towards Tim and whispered something in his ear. Tim snickered a little bit and went silent.

"This story is The Twelve Windows," Dick said.

Once upon a time, there was a princess named Kate who lived with her dad, Jacob.

Kate sighed and buried her head in her hands. Jason whistled.

"Good to be back," he said. Tim patted his shoulder.

Jake, my technical great uncle, not my son, didn't want his daughter to marry anybody. He didn't want to be left alone in the castle for the rest of his life.

Kate winced in sympathy for the king.

Kate promised him that she wouldn't marry anybody unless they were the worthiest of the worthy. She had a tower with twelve windows in it, which will be important. I promise.

Young men from across the kingdom would flock to the castle, trying to marry her. One day, she got fed up with it, and decided to have a discussion with her cousin, Bruce.

"He got magical powers from a fish, which greatly improved his luck," Damian said.

"After getting rich from the oatmeal pot, he went to bury whatever spare money they had," Tim said.

"What about the money that Damian stole from the giant?" Jason asked.

"He used that to found a kingdom," Damian said. "And adopted two other children, who played in the palace courtyard and by the stream with his biological son."

"And when he discovered that he had gained powers from the fish, he built a tower to practice his abilities," Tim said. "Not-yet-King Jason had powers, too, and followed him."

"How did HE have powers?" Jason asked.

"That remains unclear," Damian said. "It could potentially have something to do with when he went to the North Wind for help."

"But Bruce was the North Wind by that point," Jason said. "So how-?"

"Um, guys," Dick said. Everyone turned their attention to him. "I hate to interrupt the more-interesting-sideplot-than-the-actual-story discussion, but I kind of have a story to tell."

"Oh… yeah, sorry," Jason said with a smile. He leaned back into the couch, leaning his head on Tim's shoulder. When no one was looking, Luke snuck a picture and sent it to Dick. Dick smiled, knowing exactly what message he had just received without looking.

Kate decided to talk to Bruce.

"I just don't know what to do!" she said. "I mean, I have no interest in any of them, and I don't want to leave my dad."

"First of all, that's not healthy," Bruce said. "I mean, living with your dad for the rest of your life? No."

Kate raised an eyebrow at him. Bruce smiled at her.

"Second of all, you could be an ass about it, but in secret."

"But I don't want to- "

"In SECRET," Bruce iterated. "For example, you know how we used to play hide-and-seek together on the castle grounds?"

"Yeah…" Kate said.

"But you always won because you cheated by using those twelve windows you have upstairs," Bruce said. Kate frowned at him.

"I did NOT- "

"We're not getting into The Argument again," Bruce said, holding up his hands. "I'm just saying, maybe those men would like a game of hide-and-seek."

The two were silent, Kate trying to decide what Bruce was talking about exactly. When it came to her, her eyes widened and an evil smile formed on her face.

"Yeah, I'm sure they'd like that… thanks, Brucie."

"Don't call me that."

The boys snickered. Kate nodded approvingly.

So, whenever someone came around to try and marry her, Kate would ask for a game of hide-and-seek.

"If I don't find you within an hour, you get to marry me," she always said. That's how she stayed single for a couple more years.

There were more snickers from the boys. Kate had her head in her chin, nodding along with what Dick was saying.

Until one day, when she spotted a young woman wandering around the kingdom.

Kate sighed.

"And… you've lost me," she said. Dick smirked at her.

"I don't attack JUST Babs," he said. "I've attacked Jason and Damian. I haven't personally attacked Tim, yet."

"Wait… yet?" Tim asked. Dick ignored him.

Her name was…

Dick frowned and looked at the floor.

Her name was… um…

He bit his lip and tilted his head to the side. Kate groaned.

"Montoya. Renee Montoya," she said. Dick snapped his fingers, a big smile on his face.

"Yes! Thank you," he said.

Agent 007 was named Montoya. Kate was watching her walk around and started- know what? Never mind.

"I'm going to rip off an old 90's cartoon and shout GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY!" Jason shouted. Tim frowned at him.

"Where is that from?" he asked.

"That is unimportant," Jason said. "Please, continue."

She turned to her dad.

"Dad… um, I may or may not have a crush on a person."

"Who?" Technically-great-uncle-Jake asked.

"That person," Kate said, pointing out of one of her twelve windows. Technically-great-uncle-Jake looked out the window and saw Montoya walking around.

"Why not go ahead and just ask her to marry you?" he asked. Kate blinked slowly at him.

"Because that's a simple solution, especially for a fairytale," she said. "We need to make it unnecessarily complicated and magical."

This got laughter out of Dick's audience.

"Fair enough," Technically-great-uncle-Jake said. "I have an idea."

Technically-great-uncle-Jake called up Bruce and asked if he could be of assistance.

"Don't worry, Uncle Jake," Bruce told him. "I know what to do."

Unbeknownst to all, Montoya had been wanting to propose to the princess for a while, but she didn't. 1) Because she didn't think she'd be able to beat the princess's test and 2) because lesbian and gay things were frowned upon in those times. Like, it was actually illegal or something, or you were going to Hell. I don't remember it exactly, but there were consequences.

Kate tilted her head to the side.

"Dire consequences?" she asked. Dick nodded.

"That's what I was told," he said. "Especially in different countries…"

"How do you know that?" Luke asked. Dick smiled nervously at him.

"Where do you think I got these stories?" he asked. "The circus traveled a lot."

Luke, Duke, and Kate shared looks. Dick almost never talked about his circus days. Maybe that was the main reason everyone was putting up with these stories. Or, at least, one of the reasons.

Anyway, she was standing outside of the castle, feeling bummed, when someone tapped her on the shoulder. She didn't recognize him, but we all know him as Bruce.

"Hey, how's it going?" he asked. Montoya was suspicious of him, but she shrugged her shoulders.

"Pretty good," she said. "I want to propose to the princess, but- "

"She would say yes," Bruce told her. Montoya's eyes widened. Bruce nodded. "Yep. But, since this is a fairytale, she can't just let you waltz in. You have to break her game."

"How can I do that?" Montoya asked. Bruce smiled at her and gave her a cloak.

"Invisible cloak," he said. "One of three items associated with the Deathly Hallows."

"What?" Montoya asked, looking at the Harry Potter tag attached to the cloak. Bruce shook his head.

"Never mind," he said. "Put it on, and you'll be invisible."

"Isn't this cheating?" Montoya asked. Bruce shrugged.

"Shit if I know," he said. "Just do it."

So she did. Montoya wasn't found by the princess, they got married, and moved into the castle so that Technically-great-uncle-Jake wasn't lonely. And they lived happily ever after.

"The End," Dick said. Jason coughed into his elbow.

"I thought you didn't like Harry Potter?" he asked. Dick frowned at him.

"Harry Potter is alright," he said. "I just like Percy Jackson more."

"Percy Jackson is just a rewrite of Harry Potter, though!" Jason said. Dick gasped dramatically and Damian stood up, putting his hands between everyone.

"Calm down!" he said. "We don't need another war in here."

Dick and Jason glared half-heartedly at each other. Tim just scoffed.

"You guys are both nerds," he said. "Ignoring the actual story that Dick just told."

"Yeah," Dick said. "Speaking of stories, the next one is Sleeping Beauty."

I have a headcanon that Dick doesn't really talk about his circus days because he doesn't think they're all that important. Everyone else really wants to know, but they don't ask him, because they're scared that his circus days are painful memories to him, which they aren't. But they don't know that.

Dick: well, there were a couple of painful days. Really, just one.

Jason: Dick, no-