Author's Note: So the second part of my update. I am so grateful for my readers support! Thank you so much for your patience!
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars. Never have, never will. I simply play in their world.
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"You convinced yourself
that this was necessary,
this darkness.
That it was the only way
to survive,
to grow stronger
than those who hurt you.
It consumed your mind,
your heart,
your soul.
You let that power in,
let it run in your every vein,
let is make your eyes
black as the night."
-Author Unknown
Rey
He's fast. His strength and speed allowing him to maneuver over obstacles with an ease that I can barely give credit to.
I slide down poles and leap over the chasms in my haste to catch him.
Rey...don't give in...Rey...
A ripple in the Force, a familiar touch that speaks of forgiveness and I turn away ignoring their pleas.
There is no stopping this. Not now. Not after what he's done to me.
I rip cables from walls and hurl crumbling armor in attempts to slow him down but my efforts are in vain. He blocks them with a flick of his wrist and I grind my teeth in frustration.
"Get back here and face me!"
He looks over his shoulder. I'm close enough to make out his expression.
I see the sneer on his lips, the glitter of rage in dark eyes. He's daring me to come after him. He turns away and slips through a crack in this crumbling wreck.
His provocation goads my fury and I give in with reckless abandon, catching a broken beam swinging across the ledge, the gap within sight.
I make it across and slide through the crack. A gust of wind cutting across my face and I stop short.
He's standing barely a meter away from where I emerged.
Waiting for me.
His red saber a piercing light in the gloom.
The ocean rages in the storm. The sea crashing against corrosive metal, a chaotic symphony.
Spray hits my back and I hardly feel it through the pounding rain soaking me in seconds.
Wind tearing at my hair, my clothing. A stray lock crusted with salt whips across my eyes, making them sting.
The storm shatters the sky. Black, rolling clouds as lightning arcs between points. The roar of thunder churns the waves and sloshes across the broken deck.
I ignite my hilt and step towards him.
"Finally decided to stop running!"
I have to yell over the storm but I know he can hear me. He gives me a look of disappointment as if I somehow failed a test he set.
"I wasn't running. You should pay closer attention to your surroundings."
In my single-minded obsession to catch him I never gave thought to where he was leading. His words are a slap in the face and I look around immediately.
He brought us out into the open. There is nothing here that I can use as leverage. This duel between us will be decided by saber skills alone.
He knew I would go after him and deliberately led me to this desolate space.
Manipulating me again.
The thunder a roaring fury that echoes my scream, I close the distance between us and raise my saber to cut him down.
He pulls his saber into guard position just as mine connects. It bounces off and the force of my blow knocks me back a few inches, my boots sliding in the water.
I twist, pivoting when he takes a swing at me, narrowly dodging the thrust.
I smell the stink of ozone as his saber cuts across my face.
Too close!
I turn as he does, a reverse mirror, and we cross sabers again.
A frisson up my arm at his powerful blow and I clench my teeth in effort to block him.
He pushes against me and my feet slide back as water pours over the deck.
My hands are slick, if not for the Force I would have lost my grip by now.
We lock eyes and I stare into endless darkness, nothing but battle-lust in his gaze.
"You can't defeat me!"
I snarl my defiance at his arrogant assumption. Our sabers come apart and I drop, snapping my leg out to unbalance him but he counters my kick and sends me flying.
I'm already rolling and back on my feet.
He stands there waiting for me. Neither advancing nor retreating.
A thread of unease spilling through my rage.
All the times we sparred I never realized he was...
"REY! REY!"
Finn's voice screaming through the storm and my concentration splinters and I turn on instinct.
How the hell did he find me? That should have been impossible!
He's there with Jannah just as a wave crashes over the deck, separating us and I see that crazed look in his eyes. I know without even asking he's here to 'rescue' me.
I don't need rescuing.
He'll only get in my way.
He's moving towards to me, Jannah right behind him and I'm furious with him for following me.
"GET AWAY FROM ME!"
I thrust my hand out grabbing the Force and slamming it into Finn and Jannah.
The slick deck makes them lose their footing and I see Jannah grab Finn when I shove them back through the crevice.
The howling wind drowns out whatever cries they might have made.
I have no more time to waste on either of them and quickly focus my attention back on my enemy. He didn't attack me while I was distracted and I know he must be planning something.
He's not looking at me but up, his eyes wide with disbelief. I follow his gaze and fear strangles my anger, my breath freezing in my lungs.
A hundred foot wave was about to descend on us.
We're both dead if we get swept up in it.
We lock eyes.
"Run!"
A menacing growl from him and I nod, survival paramount.
There is a broken section just ahead with at least a ten foot chasm separating us.
We make for it at the same time.
"Jump!"
I'm racing for the ledge when his voice screams at me through the storm and I obey, my momentum and the Force allowing me to make the impossible leap. I hit the other side with bone-jarring force. I lose my balance and tumble to the ground but I'm back on my feet within seconds. My ankle twinges where I twisted it wrong.
I look desperately for my opponent but he's nowhere in sight.
The wave crashes over the section we were standing on and there is nothing but shattered, twisted metal being swept out to sea.
It's completely gone.
My heart stutters and I can't breathe properly.
"REN!"
A flash of a shadow in the pouring rain and I pivot, my saber positioned in defense when I see the flare of his crimson light in the distance.
My relief is short-lived now that I know he made it.
I want to win this battle with my own skill not have him killed by a rogue wave.
He stalks through the sheet of rain like some dark, fallen god.
I swallow hard when I see his saber reversed in hand. Despite the rain I can make out his face.
Eyes of the Jedi Killer stare back at me and my death follows in his footsteps.
Our collaboration moments ago was only about survival.
We are still enemies.
He comes at me, his speed like nothing I've faced and I barely snap my saber up in time to catch his but he's already turning and coming at me again.
I pivot, pulling my blade across my body as he swings at me from a hard left.
The impact makes my bones rattle and I feel old bruises ache as new ones set in.
I grit my teeth and shove him away to go on the offensive.
I get only a sparse inch of space for my effort but I grab it with both hands and slam my saber across his.
He deflects and I spin, trying to find a weakness. He's already anticipating my blow and again I'm deflected.
He gives me no opening, nothing to get past his defense and put and end to this fight.
Blind rage veiling my vision as he continues to block me.
"I won't let you win! I won't be defeated!"
I swing wildly, aiming for a vital spot when his hand thrusts out and I come up against an invisible wall.
He's blocking me with the Force.
If I can just cut through I can end this.
I hear the growl leave his lips seconds before I'm shoved off my feet and flying through the air.
That's cheating!
I twist mid air and land of my feet and race back to him.
His shoves his saber across his body to block my thrust.
We turn at the same time as my saber slides down his but the cross guard catches my weapon and we are locked in place.
He twists his wrist, using our locked sabers as leverage and reverses our positions.
I smell burning metal when my saber is forced into the deck as he pushes me back.
Our eyes lock and I stare into desolate fury.
My enemy.
My lover.
Black rage the keen edge of a knife cutting me from the inside out. I want him to hurt as much as I do.
"You betrayed me!"
I thrust out my hand and shove him away from me.
He uses the Force to counter my thrust and I get only an inch of breathing room. He comes out of his crouch and we circle each other.
I see darkness whisper across his eyes, his face a mask.
"It was you who betrayed me!"
His words like a dagger between my ribs. How dare he say that to me!
"I never betrayed you!"
"Then why didn't you stay!"
He comes at me and I'm back on the defensive. His strength is overwhelming and I've never been in a battle as prolonged as this. The cold and my previous injuries are sapping my strength.
I have end this soon. I'm not going to be able to hold out much longer.
I stare up at him and his eyes are no longer masked. I see the furious hurt and something inside me tears free.
"You lied to me! You've done nothing but lie to me from the start!"
All of my hurt, my anger at his deceptions are spilling free and I can't hold them back anymore.
I slam my saber across his.
"You never cared for me! You were using me this entire time!"
He spins as I do and we lock sabers again.
Feral rage in his eyes.
"I gave you everything and it was never enough for you!"
His words snarling above the storm and I refuse to believe him.
"You gave me nothing!" The scars in my soul bleed anew, "You never loved me!"
How could do that to me?
"I did love you!" His saber snaps free of mine and he twists and slaps the Force across my hands, my fingers growing numb and I stumble away from him.
"It was you who never loved me! You deceived me just like everyone else!"
I swing my saber up but my muscles are burning, my legs leaden. Tears blur my vision and I am still so angry with him.
Because he wouldn't choose me. Because he told me to give up everything for him but wouldn't do the same for me.
"So this is all my fault! Of course it is! How could the great" I slash at him, "Kylo," he pivots and I miss, "Ren...be wrong!"
I come up behind him but somehow he's turning and our sabers clash.
Rage and anguish twist in his words.
"You wanted me to be your enemy, well now I am!"
His hand thrust against my stomach and I gasp when the Force knocks the wind out of me. I slam into the ground, my fingers spasm open and I lose my grip on the weapon. It rolls across the deck and catches on the edge.
I look up and can't breathe.
Ren has his saber lifted, a wild crazed look his eyes.
I raise my hand to ward off his blow and know he's going to kill me.
I scream in terror. I don't want to die.
Not like this.
"No!"
The wind howling and everything is darkness but there is no sense of pain.
I closed my eyes in anticipation of death and snap them back open.
I see horror in his eyes, an anguish so raw I can't comprehend it and he stumbles away from me.
His saber drops from his hand.
Do it now! Kill him!
A terrifying, vicious voice inside my head and my body moves without conscious thought. I'm on my feet, his fallen saber in my grip and he turns just as I shove it through his gut.
It slides in, tearing through armor and piercing his skin.
I smell rich iron that no amount of rain can wash away, feel his blood seep down the hilt.
Dark laughter tinged with evil maliciousness fills my mind.
"R-Rey?"
A broken sound calling my name, piercing the shroud around my thoughts.
I look up and see the eyes of Ben Solo looking down at me with heartbreaking betrayal.
As if he can't believe I would hurt him.
I feel Leia's touch through her son.
You're killing him...the man you love...my son...
The rancid touch of evil inside my head retreats with a furious howl.
I feel as though I've woken up from a nightmares I couldn't escapes until now.
"Oh gods...No! NO!"
I shut the saber off and Ben buckles, his face ashen. A crimson stain spreading across his armor as I pull it free.
"No! Ben!"
I catch him just before he falls and Leia's presence disappears. He is almost dead weight and I'm forced to my knees.
His blood dripping down the hilt of the saber and I drop it, shuddering in disgust.
I can feel him dying and it's all my fault.
"L-Leia!" I'm sobbing for her as the bond between us flickers feebly, "s-save him! Please! I didn't mean to-! I'm sorry!"
But there is no answer from her. I'm on my own.
What have I done? What have I...done...
"R-Rey...let go..."
I look down at Ben, his face white, his hair soaked by rain and he's barely moving.
"No! No I won't let you die...oh gods Ben..."
But there is no help here. I lied to my friends and drove Ben and I into this mess with my obsession.
With my fear. Because I was too scared to face the truth I was born a Palpatine. Too scared to believe in my friends...to believe anyone could love someone like me.
Clinging to my past because I believed there was no future.
"R-Rey...too...late. Just l-let me go..."
I have my hand pressed to his wound, hot blood seeping through my fingers. His body is growing colder with each passing second.
I'm losing him.
He isn't trying to save himself. His crushing sorrow, a grief greater than this ocean world flowing out of him and into me through our bond.
"I won't let you die! Not because of me...you don't deserve to die like this!"
All I ever wanted was to save him.
When did I lose sight of that? When did winning at any cost become more important than his life?
In my anger and hurt I forgot what I was fighting for.
"We're going to win this war not by fighting what we hate...but by saving those we love."
Rose's words coming back to me and I've been so blind, so stubbornly stupid I forgot them.
Just like I forgot everything Leia told me about not giving into hate and what Master Skywalker said about the Force not being a weapon to be controlled.
I open my eyes and stare into Ben's exhausted, grief-stricken ones.
He's given up. Waiting to die. Our souls still connected and it feels as if I'm dying with him.
I shift my hold so that he's resting on a broken piece of the deck. Despite the saber cauterizing his flesh, blood continues to seep. I press down hard, vainly trying to stem the flow.
"No...No...stay with me! Ben fight it...you have to heal yourself!"
"I...can't..."
His hand weakly covers mine as blood pools between our fingers.
"Yes you can! Don't you dare die on me Ben Solo!"
His head tilts back and he looks at me and I'm terrified by what I see.
There is nothing of his spirit, of his indomitable will reflected. Just hollow pain.
A man who no longer cares whether he lives or dies.
"Better...this way...I never," a rattle in his chest and tears scald my skin, "meant...to hurt...y-you."
I can't stand this! I won't let him die not when I finally realize...
I breathe through the pain, through the panic and will myself to calm down.
To think rather than blindly feel.
The Force is my ally and a powerful one.
I couldn't heal myself back on the Death Star and now I remember why.
You can't heal when governed by hate and anger.
No more. No more.
I close my eyes and I don't bend the Force to my will, I let it come to me.
Take anything you want from me. I...I need him.
The thought of living in a galaxy where Ben doesn't exist...I can't...no...
"Please," I whisper, "live. For me."
A warmth flowing through me, gentle whispers and an invisible hand that guides my path.
I gasp when his pain becomes my own. I feel every cut, every torn muscle, his body violated by the saber I shoved into him.
Gently Rey...you have all the power you need...Gently...
I don't recognize the voice but I listen and embrace his pain, transmuting it as I fix the damages I caused.
Blood vessels fusing, muscles and sinew mending, flesh knitting.
But it's more than just his physical pain I feel.
His soul is sundered, torn in two for so long. It was time he was whole again.
Such darkness in him but there is also light. His light is nearly gone and I cup my hands around it.
Tears spilling out when I touch it, this light...it's his love for me. Flickering feebly but still trying to break through the darkness.
Oh Ben...what have I done to us...
I cradle his light close to my soul and breathe into it. All my love I breathe into him, willing him to live.
For me.
For us.
The light flickers before blazing to life. It twines around the darkness, a perfect balance.
I hear his sharp gasp just as my strength wanes and I feel lightheaded. The gentle presence lifts and the Force leaves me.
Exhaustion a heavy weight in my bones. I'm back in my body.
I open my eyes and stare down into shattered starlight.
Ben's eyes.
"Rey...what did you...do?"
I can't speak as tears I thought had finally run dry spill hotly down my face. The scar, the one I had given him so long ago is gone.
I did it.
"I saved you."
He looks bewildered and oddly vulnerable as he continues to gaze up at me.
"Why? I'm...your enemy. You...you hate me so why would you save...me?"
I pull my hand away from his side and sit up, not caring that the ocean is soaking my pants.
It's time to finally tell him the truth.
About everything.