Author's Note: Update! Thank you so much for your patience and your support! On with the story!
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars. Never have, never will. I simply play in their world.
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"I am made of war
and she is made of love
She mends
what I tear apart
the holes in the bronze
hammered into my soul
bruises blossom on her neck
evidence of my savagery...
I would fight for her
die for her
again and again and again
tear myself to ashes
if only to fall between her fingers
My wounds are jagged
like broken glass
and she kisses them...
there is blood on my hands
and blood in her mouth
I am made of war
and she is made of love
But what makes war
if not love?"
-I.D.
Kylo Ren
She's following as I expected. I can feel the heat of her rage like a searing kiss across my skin.
I move across the broken levels searching for a way out of this crumbling relic.
A ragged scream of metal as cabals rip from walls. The Force whispering danger and I shove the rotting debris away before it can make contact.
I keep moving.
"Get back here and face me!"
The sneer in her voice magnified by the confined space clamoring in my head and I turn to look at my enemy.
She's sliding down one of the broken poles, her lips twisted back in a snarl when I refuse to listen.
As if I would be so foolish to give up my advantage in this place. We could pummel each other bloody with all the debris floating around.
I have no desire to waste my time on such petty tactics.
This fledgling Jedi has much to learn about the art of warfare.
It's time for her final lesson.
There.
A tugging on my senses, the Force murmuring through my blood and I turn away from her to see what I've been looking for.
A singular gap large enough to make it outside.
A controlled burst of power and I jump the chasm and slide between the opening.
Rain pelting my hair and face as cutting winds tries to rip the saber from my hand when I ignite the hilt.
The storm has become a maelstrom and I tip my head back, reveling in the chaos around me. This tempest is a perfect manifestation of my soul.
Lightning splits the sky as the roar of waves crash with ferocity against this metal skeleton, shaking the foundations I stand on.
My armor insulates against the dropping temperature but my face has no such protection and I find I don't care.
A familiar whisper in the back of my mind and I see the Jedi emerge from the gap.
Her eyes blaze with murderous fury, the tip of her saber ignites in the gloom. Rain soaking her instantly as the howling wind catches her hair, clothing, anything it can find.
She pays it no more attention than I did.
"Finally decided to stop running!"
Her words carry on the screaming wind, contempt and arrogance interlaced. She believes I ran away from her out of cowardice.
As if the sight of her could send me running. How arrogant she has become with her first sip of power.
"I wasn't running." Not only arrogant but blinded as well, "You should pay closer attention to your surroundings."
Her saber which she brought up to bare against me falters as she finally realizes where we are standing.
Water in my eyes and I shake my head to clear my vision. Her outraged screams mingles with the crack of thunder and I perceive a blur of blue light aimed for my head.
I snap my saber up and catch hers, the force of her blow making my bones ache but she hasn't learned to temper her strength and rebounds off my saber.
Her feet slide in the water covering the deck.
I give no quarter, no time to regroup as I intend to make quick work of this Jedi. She pivots, contorting her body at a sharp angle so my saber cuts only air instead of flesh.
I'm already turning into my next stance but she is fast on her feet and does a reverse mirror and our sabers clash hotly against one another.
I feel her trembling to hold me back. Fast she might be but nowhere near my strength and I press my advantage.
Battle-lust eyes gleaming gold stare up into mine as she tries to defend herself.
There is no fear only hard-edged anger, a thirst for victory.
One I shall never grant her.
"You can't defeat me!"
Flickering gold and a snarl of outright defiance as a burst of strength throws me off and our sabers part.
She's dropped into a spinning kick, intending to take out my balance.
To slow.
I turn catching her momentum and use it to send her flying.
She is far too green if she thinks such paltry tricks will work on me.
She twists midair and lands cat-like on her feet, a torrent of water bursting from the ground up.
I hold my stance, this battle will not end quickly as I anticipated.
Better to reserve my strength than waste it as she does on useless acrobatics.
She pauses and for a fraction of a second gold flickers into haunting amber and my stomach clenches.
…I love you Ben...
I stagger, remembering words spoken a lilting voice, shattering my concentration.
Why am I...
"REY! REY!"
I snap my head up as a new threat emerges to disrupt our battle.
The traitor Finn. An unknown female at his side.
The Force no longer whispering in my blood but screaming, my concentration splits again.
I look to the distance where I feel the strongest dissonance, my breath halting, a terrible pressure in my chest.
A wall of water seemingly blended with the sky coming towards our position with impossible speed. There is nothing but death waiting for us should we be caught in it.
The hum of a saber close to my side and I turn to look at the Jedi.
Swirling amber look up at me. The fear of death in her agonizing gaze and I clench my fist and shut down my saber.
I will damned if she and I are going to die like this.
"Run!"
I scream at her and she snaps out of her paralysis, shutting down her saber as we make for the broken section only meters ahead.
A ten foot chasm separates us from relative safety.
Her fear beats inside my head like war drums and there is no time for hesitation. I hear the cry of death behind us as the wave shatters the deck we stand on.
We're out of time.
"Jump!"
The crunch of stone as she obeys, propelling her body into the air. The storm rages above us and I lose sight of her in the tempest.
No time to hesitate.
I make my own jump from the crumbling remains as the another wave behind the first reaches up to drag me under.
The Force wrapping around me as I simultaneously push the water away and propel myself higher.
Water in my eyes, dragging down my cape and armor but I cannot stop.
I will make the platform. Death is the only alternative.
"REN!"
I hear her screaming my name, fear and desperation overflowing from her and into me.
She's alive.
Relief rushing hotly through my blood.
The flair of a lightsaber in the tempest as I come down hard.
I twist, hand to the ground and leg extended so I don't land with my back to her.
This battle isn't over between us.
I snap my lightsaber out and ignite the hilt.
Despite our earlier cooperation this Jedi still wants my life and what little relief I felt, that strange aberration when I saw shimmering amber, dies beneath the weight of my rage.
Time to end this fight.
She has lived on borrowed time long enough and I no longer hold back.
Faces from my past come to haunt me as she snaps her saber up in defense.
Vox with her white dreadlocks and cinnamon eyes full of vengeful ire.
"Cheater!"
She turns in a predictable move and I counter, slamming her hard from the left.
This is why Vox will never be a Jedi. She never learns from her mistakes.
A gasp and the vision distorts and I see a woman with golden eyes and sable hair soaked in rain before me.
She twists, pulling her saber up and I deflect her blow.
No longer a woman, but Tai fighting me.
He moves with fluid grace more akin to dancing than fighting.
I match his style, adapting and I see him shake his head, a smile on his face at my progression.
His smile turns to a grimace of surprise, his neck snapped from behind.
"I won't let you win!" A woman's voice incoherent with rage, " I won't be defeated!"
The vision fades and once more I face the female Jedi.
A wild swing with the strength of her fury behind it but her anger works against her and I counter with the Force.
Yet another Jedi undisciplined and so eager to die by my hand.
She's pushing against the Force, driving me back on my feet.
Her strength astounds me, I have never met a Jedi to match me and something about this seems wrong...
Kill her! Prove you are not weak and useless!
Evil thoughts digging into my mind, goading my rage and I shove the Jedi away from me.
I am not weak! I won't be defeated by her or anyone else!
She twists mid-air, landing on her feet and racing for me with her saber arced over her head.
I cut my weapon across my body, blocking her killing blow as we connect.
The hiss of energy as the cross guard halts her momentum.
A deft twist and I reverse our positions, slamming the tip of her blade into the ground.
The acrid stink of burning metal fills the air as rain turns to steam around us.
Our shoulders brush, the physical contact driving the putrid voice from my mind.
I stare into burning gold, a ring of amber at the center.
She gazes at me with vengeful fury.
With heartbreaking betrayal.
My beautiful enemy.
Rey.
"You betrayed me!"
Hoarse words flung in my face as if she had been screaming for hours.
The shock of her accusation distracts me momentarily. She raises her hand, shoving the Force at me and battle-bred instincts kick in, countering her thrust.
Vibrations in the air as our powers slam against each other as we separate. Her words clamoring in my head, initial shock giving way to livid anger, my blood molten.
How dare she accuse me of betrayal.
"It was you who betrayed me!"
Swirling amber expanding against hammered gold as we circle each other. I can feel her hostility like a stinging kiss beneath my skin.
"I never betrayed you!"
Lies! How could she forget so easily the way she left me in ruin.
"Then why didn't you stay!"
Grief darker than anger, deeper than despair rip open the scars of my soul.
I want her to hurt as much as I do.
I hammer away at her defense, blow after blow connecting but she's holding on, turning away my saber time and time again.
She stares up at me with haunted, bewitching eyes and I drown in raging grief.
"You lied to me! You've done nothing but lie to me from the start!"
I've driven her to her knees but she's pushing against me, her agonizing words renewing her strength and she's back on her feet.
She pivots and slams her saber across mine, the force of her blow sending a frisson up my arm and I grit my teeth as nerve endings sing in pain.
"You never cared for me! You were using me this entire time!"
Again she flings her accusations, spouting lies to cover her own betrayal. Her pounding words only sharpen my ire, a burning fury consuming my soul.
She spins, trying for a feint but I've danced this war song far too long to be fooled. I twist at the same time and we lock sabers yet again.
I stare into glittering amber and the shadow of love I felt for her only goads my rage to killing depths.
"I gave you everything and it was never enough for you!"
Words I kept locked away spill out. The painful truth I've been avoiding.
I was never enough for her. I would never be enough.
"You gave me nothing!"
Water streaming from her eyes and I refuse to believe those are tears. She is far too treacherous for such tender emotions.
"You never loved me!"
Chocked words full of dangerous edges tearing my soul apart.
"I did love you!" So much so that I would have overturned the entire galaxy just to stand by her side.
Grief over what she did to me, denied me howls in my soul and I twist viciously at our connected sabers as I slam the Force across her unguarded hand.
They come apart and she stumbles away, blank shock in her eyes at my tactic.
"It was you who never loved me!" I was blinded by our connection, convinced that I had finally found my destiny, "You deceived me just like everyone else!"
She swings her blade up but the power behind it is diminished and I knock her away despite the burning in my arms and legs.
Her strength might be failing but her eyes are still filled with righteous indignation that I would dare expose her lies.
"So this is all my fault!" A ragged scream with a hint of madness as she comes at me, "Of course it is! How could the great Kylo," she slashes at me but there is not control only wild anger and I read her movement and pivot to avoid the blow, "Ren...be wrong!"
She turns like a dancer, graceful and fluid, coming up behind me.
I have heard enough! No more will listen her sweet, poisonous lies.
I turn, matching the rhythm of her war song and block her thrust.
She stares up at me with incomprehension. She did not expect me to anticipate her attack.
This is the reason I am known as the Jedi Killer. None can stand against me and live.
"You wanted me to be your enemy, well now I am!"
Yes! Do it! End the Jedi forever!
Foul, putrid evil screaming in my head and my vision veils crimson.
I slam my hand into a yielding body, shoving the Force through weak flesh.
A chocked gasp as a body flies through the air and lands heavily. The flash of blue light before disappearing into darkness.
The Jedi on the ground as I lift my saber to snuff out the light once and for all.
Only the dark side will remain.
YES! KILL HER!
A hand lifted as if to stave off death and this is the end.
A thin, terrified scream full of anguish and regret.
My son...don't kill the woman you love...WAKE UP!
I gasp, my mother's love and indomitable will searing across my soul, shattering the malicious evil invading my mind.
A vengeful howl diminishing as the scarlet-soaked veil across my eyes lifts.
I look down and see Rey staring up at me, horror and betrayal ghosting in amber before closing in anticipation of death.
By my hand.
"No!"
What...what am I doing...
I want her to live. I am here to save her not kill her! This...this is not the life I wanted for us.
She snaps her eyes open and I can't stomach the fear still burning in her terrified gaze and stumble away.
How could I...
Ben it's not too late...find your way...home...
A fleeting warmth I struggle to hold onto, like trying to catch the wind in my grip but my mother's presence is gone.
The Force is silent within me, neither dark nor light battling for my soul and I ache at the hollowness pervading-
Pain!
Hot, tearing agony through my stomach and I gag, smelling the stink of cauterized flesh and look down to see slender hands holding my lightsaber embedded in my body.
Eyes of hammered gold stare up at me with malicious hatred.
"R-Rey?"
Why...I thought she...
Pain!
Nerve ending's screaming and my mind blanks as my body shuts down.
Too much damage inflicted.
Death had finally found me.
"Oh gods...No! NO!"
Why does Death sound like despair? Should she not rejoice for the life she is about to reap?
I nearly killed the woman I love, is this not a fitting end for a monster?
Something being pulled out of me, pain receding but I have no strength to care. I can feel the blood rushing from the wound but my soul is chained in ice.
Soon...it will be all over.
"No! Ben!"
Frantic, grief-stricken words as I am caught in gentle arms. A sense of warmth dragging me back from the chilly embrace of Death.
I look up, my vision blurred but I can see her.
Rey.
My beautiful enemy holding me in her arms, eyes of fractal amber staring down at me as her mouth moves.
I can't hear her words, the numbness is spreading.
She needs to leave. This place is death and not where she belongs.
"R-Rey...let go..."
Am I speaking? I can barely move my lips and it doesn't matter.
I've lived too long a monster.
She grips me tights, her face so close I can make out her voice beyond my exhausted state.
"No! No I won't let you die...oh gods Ben..."
Such...compassion...she has. A flicker in my soul at the name she calls me.
My mother's name for me.
One I always hated because I could never live up to the legend behind it. I threw it away in order to find myself.
Fitting, I suppose, I should find my way back to it as I die.
Her sorrow eats away at what's left of my life and I struggle to get the words out to make her stop.
"R-Rey...too...late. Just l-let me go..."
Tears spilling down her face. She should not cry for me.
I am her enemy.
A man she hates.
There is nothing left for me here.
My father...my uncle...the Padawan of the Jedi Temple and so many other lives I've taken in my futile quest.
To find myself.
"I won't let you die! Not because of me...you don't deserve to die like this!"
I don't remember closing my eyes but exhaustion makes my bones heavy yet I have no choice but to open them.
I stare up at Rey, desperation making her eyes glitter, tears falling and mingling with the rain.
Why...is she so frantic?
She's...won.
I am defeated.
"No...No...stay with me! Ben fight it...you have to heal yourself!"
Her hand pressing hard into my stomach where the wound gaps and pain shocks my system, a jolt of lightning in my blood-stream.
Hot, rich iron in the air as something warm flows out of me.
My blood.
Her words cut through the gray fog in my mind.
"I...can't..."
Her lips tremble and her despair is a lodestone to my soul, pulling me back from the quiet arms of Death.
I barely have the strength to lay my hand over hers.
She doesn't need my blood on her hands but I have no more strength to push her away.
"Yes you can!" The command in her voice pushes through my apathy, "Don't you dare die on me Ben Solo!"
I blink and tilt my head back, faintly bemused.
Ben...Solo.
She hasn't called me by that name...since Emphameira.
Not my enemy then.
But my lover.
My beautiful...stubborn...love.
But that life was never mine to have. Just the empty dream of a monster who only thought he was a man.
"Better...this way...I never," something hot and wet falling on me and I recognize it as her tears and there is a greater pain in my soul for it, "meant...to hurt...y-you."
My strength gone, I have no more words.
At least this way...she'll be free.
Free from me. I close my eyes and wait.
My life is coming to end and maybe...dying in her arms...isn't so horrible.
One last fleeting taste of...
Home.
"Please live," I hear a fervent whisper like a prayer in my ear, "for me."
She is always asking the impossible from me.
To defy death and live.
A spark kindled in my soul, a familiar warmth pushing back the hands of death.
I struggle to throw off the warmth because it feels like...love.
But there is no love for a monster.
However it persists and fills my body, chasing the chill encasing my flesh. Adrenaline flooding my veins when the wound begins to close, mending from the inside out.
Starbursts behind my eyes as I feel my flesh knit. This healing...it is agony, forcing my body to live and endure pain when all I wanted was to fade away into nothing.
I don't want to live...not after everything I've done...everything I've lost...
Oh Ben...what have I done to us...
Rey, reaching for me, such aching sorrow in her.
I turn back when I feel her soul touching mine, a distant feeling of love anchoring me in place.
More powerful than darkness, I feel the kiss of her love growing inside of me.
A remembrance of light.
A reason to live.
I feel her wavering, her spirit flickering and I realize what's happening.
She's draining her life to save mine and I gasp, shoving her out before she exhausts herself completely.
I open my eyes and stare into Rey's face. Dark shadows like bruises beneath her lashes, cheekbones pushing starkly against her skin.
Eyes opening and fractal amber stare down at me, vividly alive.
My heart pounding against my ribs and I can't remember to breathe.
Has she always looked at me this way?
Such fierce longing as tears slide down her face, her lips trembling in a broken smile.
"Rey...what did you...do?"
I'm not...dying.
It can't be. No one can stop death...it's impossible.
Dry laughter deep within my mind, a sense of familiarity.
Nothing is impossible for a Jedi...you should know...you keep breaking all the rules...
A jolt to my soul, shock blanking my mind. That male voice...no...after so long of empty waiting...
"I saved you."
Rey's whispered words, the caress of her lilting voice snapping me back to my present situation and from my disturbing realization.
I look up at the woman who, only a short while ago, desired nothing more than my death.
Yet she saved me.
I felt...no, I don't know what I felt from her.
My mind is nothing more than a haze of half-forgotten feelings. Dreams and reality colliding until I no longer understand what is truth and what is the lie.
"Why?" I'm struggling to understand why she begged me to live, "I'm...your enemy. You..." I swallow and force the words out, "you hate me so why would you save...me?"
Fleeting shadows in amber, a quiet sigh and gently she removes her hand from my healed wound.
I feel bereft of her warmth.
Her lips part as my question hangs in the air between us, an answer only she can give.