POV: Alex

Barren trees, senseless murmuring and the occasional stare. It didn't feel normal standing in front of the school, in front of the place where I was found almost dead by my best friend.

She stood on the stairs of the school, just looking at me with her blue eyes, my grey hoodie covering her entire body. I couldn't tell if she was happy, or if she was tentative. Each step she took towards me was slow, but as she got closer, her pace quickened. She was practically running towards me, embracing me hard that it almost sent me flying backwards.

"I'm glad you're back," she said, hugging me tighter. "I hope you're here to stay."

I knew I wasn't completely healed from everything, the scars were still on my arms, still on my heart. It was going to take a long time before I would be able to fully accept myself, before I could come to terms with my problems. Jordan was always going to be with me though, and my feelings towards Steven would never change.

"It's good to be back," I said, pulling away from her. I pointed to her hoodie. "I think that's mine."

She gave me an embarrassed smile, rubbing her arm and looking off to the side. "Yeah...I stole it. You can have it back if you want."

"It's fine, you can keep it."

The atmosphere was awkward, neither of us knew what to say-what to do. So we just stared at each other, entranced in each other's eyes. I knew the feelings towards her weren't romantic, but I couldn't help but feel...something when I looked at her. It was like we were connected, maybe by fate, by destiny.

I always found myself thinking about her, wondering if she was ok. Then we would always end up standing next to each other, wondering what to do next. Everywhere I went, I saw her in the crowds. She was the animal I never knew I needed, the animal I always wanted in my life. Just someone to be by my side, for better or for worse.

Jordan grabbed my hand and pulled me into the school, past doubletakes and scowls. It seemed to me that everybody knew what I had done, that I was the one who tried to fix all of his problems by killing himself. Maybe they thought it was a bad idea for me to be back. That a big wolf who was shown to have suicidal tendencies would only cause trouble for the school dominated by herbivores. I didn't even think the school administration wanted me back, I thought it was just something Dr. Sherman said to make me feel better.

"Everybody is going to stare at us," Jordan said. "Don't worry about them though. Ever since your incident, nobody really talks about it."

"I thought the whole point was to get the school to look for the signs, to pay attention to their friends," I said, shuffling past a crowd of herbivores.

She sighed. "I'm still working on that. Everybody here is just so...unconventional, nobody cares about anything but themselves. I guess selfish is the better word."

Jordan let go of my hand, and we walked through the halls together, reminiscing about memories we had. Mine weren't all bad, and neither were hers. She told me about liking me ever since freshman year and we both laughed. It was comfortable to be around her, it was nice to be by someone who liked me for me.

But all that built of happiness, all that built up joy and solemn excitement was cut short when the principal came walking towards us. Jordan stepped in front of me, shielding me from him. "Mr. Hargreaves," she said in that fake happy voice of hers she used around Brittney.

"Hello Jordan," he replied. "Alex, good to see you back. I need to talk to you in my office."

There I was again, being pulled in two different directions. One filled with happiness, Jordan. And the other: pain, Mr. Hargreaves. I had to choose one of them, and the only one I was allowed to choose was pain. To walk with the principal towards his office and be talked down on because of my actions. They haven't done it before, but who was to say they wouldn't do it? Now that I was back and being held on by threads.

Jordan stepped to my defense. "Whatever you need to talk to him about, you can say it to both of us."

Mr. Hargreaves seemed frustrated at her apparent disobedience. "Jordan, this is a private matter that only Alex and I can talk about. I'm sorry, but you're not allowed to be in the office with him."

Now it was my turn to come to her defense, to stand up for her like she had done to me so many times. "Actually," I spoke up. "My therapist at the hospital said that I needed a support animal with me, and I chose jordan. She's supposed to go with me everywhere just in case I try to kill myself again."

Did I really just say that?

Mr. Hargreaves rolled his eyes and motioned for us to follow. Jordan gave me a tiny smile and I sighed, feeling my hand over my ever increasing heart rate. I've never really spoken up to an adult before, I was always too scared to do so. I needed Jordan if I was going to go back into that office, I needed her with me.

He led us through the hallways, into the administration office and into his office. I hated being in it, it always made me feel like I was in trouble. The neatness, the uncluttered books and papers. All of it made me feel uncomfortable as I sat down on the chair provided, Jordan stood behind me with her hand on my shoulder, watching intently.

A couple seconds had passed as Mr. Hargreaves pulled papers from underneath his desk and typed on his keyboard, only occasionally looking towards me, but never at Jordan. He spoke as he typed on his keyboard, seemingly lost in the black words on the screen. "Ever since your-" he cleared his throat. "Incident, the school has assigned you a therapist, someone for you to talk to every tuesday. You'll be meeting with her very shortly, I'll give you a pass and you'll be free to leave."

"Wait, seriously?!" Jordan exclaimed. "That's it?!" Mr. Hargreaves nodded his head. "Come on Alex," she said and I stood up at her request. The principal didn't have any sympathy in his eyes as he watched me leave. Of course he wouldn't, he was just like the rest of the herbivores.

"Can you believe that guy?" Jordan said as we walked towards the room printed on the slip.

I ignored her comment. "Hey, do you know who this...Mrs. Carter is?" I handed her the slip and she looked it over.

"Nope, never heard of her, but the principal did say she was your assigned therapist. At least they're being kind enough to do that. I hope she isn't some snotty nosed herbivore."

"Yeah, me too."

We found our way to this Mrs. Carter's office and Jordan gave me a hug before leaving. I would be on my own here. My old therapists were great, well, there was only Dr. Sherman, but she was a grey wolf. She understood our struggles, hell, she went through the same stuff I did. I just hoped this new one wasn't a crazy herbivore who didn't care about me, all she wanted was her paycheck.

I pushed open the door, my heart beating in my throat.

A cheetah sat in a leather chair, looking curiously at her computer. She wore a maroon suit, the white undershirt underneath perfectly ironed. Her office was a combination of mess and neat. She had stacks of papers, but also organized folders on the walls. Her desk was a shiny black wood with books about mental health and mental disorders. Degrees were lined in a row on the wall, each one showing a different major and different school.

She turned her head towards me, her auburn eyes gazing into mine. I was terrified to look at them, but her expression softened and she smiled. "Nice to meet you," she said in a consoling voice. "I'm sure you already know who I am, but my name is Melinda Carter. I'll be your assigned therapist for the rest of the school year. Please, sit." Her voice was so relaxing, so soothing. I couldn't help but stare in awe at the animal in front of me. All of my anxiety was washed away, all of the fear was gone. I was left feeling a little tentative, but otherwise fine.

She turned in her chair to face me, resting her elbows on the sleek black desk as I sat down. "You must be Alex, right?" She took a deep sigh and glanced off to the side. "It's horrible what you've been through, nobody should ever have to feel like that." She opened a folder right in front of her, reading over words that I couldn't see and nodded her head a couple of times. "I see, so when you were in the hospital, Dr. Sherman oversaw your case, correct?" I nodded my head. "Well she sent over all of your papers, officially making you my patient." She closed the folder. "But enough about that, my job here is to make sure you feel comfortable coming back to school.

"The school mandates that we meet every Tuesday, but you can come by my office anytime, the front desk ladies will let you through no matter what. I'll make sure you're taken care of. We may not have a lot of time left in this first semester, but I hope we can at least make some sort of connection before it ends." I nodded again, half listening to her conversation, but making it look like I was fully engaged.

I wasn't really feeling terrified as much as I was just tired. I knew I was gonna have to see Steven again, and Nathan, and Dalton. I didn't know if I was emotionally ready to see them all at once. Steven definitely, but I didn't know about Dalton. And Nathan didn't really seem to care.

"You don't seem to talk much," she said, adjusting the papers on her desk. "That's alright, I don't expect you to fully trust me. After all, we're not the same species and your original therapist was a grey wolf, and I'm a feline, so already there's some tension."

"My best friend is a snow leopard," I blurted out. Mrs. Carter raised an eyebrow, and I immediately became embarrassed. "So...there's no tension."

She smiled. "That's good to hear. Before I let you go—this was just supposed to be a short meeting anyway. Do you have any questions? Or anything on your mind?"

"Uhh...no, thank you though," I said, getting up from my chair.

She shrugged her shoulders and dusted off her suit. "Well, if you ever need to talk to me, my office is always open." She gave me a smile and I left the office, wondering if I even needed a therapist to begin with. I was feeling better, I didn't have any suicidal thoughts, and I wasn't really feeling depressed anymore.

For the betterment of my health. Yeah right, they just want to make sure I don't go crazy.

Jordan was waiting for me in the front office, loitering is what they would call it, and I knew the front desk ladies definitely asked her a couple of times to leave. Unfortunately, Jordan was just not like that.

"Hey," she said. "How did your conversation with the therapist go?"

I stuffed my hands in my pockets. "Wasn't what I was expecting."

"Is she a canine?"

I shook my head. "No, she's a cheetah, and she thought there would be some weird tension towards us."

Jordan shrugged. "I don't know man, sometimes canines and felines don't get along. They say it's in our biology, but I guess we're the exception to the rule since we get along so well."

"Right, that's what I told her."

"Did you talk about anything? Sorry to pry."

I waved her off and we walked outside. "Nah, it's fine. She told me that we're supposed to meet every Tuesday, but I can always go see her if I need to."

"Well that's good, at least she's being cooperative. From what I've heard, she genuinely wants to help you. Can't say the same for the rest of our counselors, they're the worst."

We stayed silent as Jordan toured me through the school. I already knew where everything was, so I didn't understand why she decided to walk me through it. Nothing seemed to have really changed, it was silent since most students were still in their classes. Everything was as I thought it would be. No change, still the same old high school that everyone hated.

I noticed she was taking me on a path that deliberately avoided the bathroom she found me in, and my curiosity got the better of me. "Hey, I wanna see the bathroom you found me in."

She looked surprised, and shocked. "Y-you do?!

"Yeah." I started leading the way to the bathroom, my mind wandering with what I would find there. Would it be the same? Or would something have changed? We rounded the corner, yellow police tape blocked off the rest of the hallway. Jordan came up behind me and spoke up from the silent hall. "Yeah, they closed it off after I found you in it. Nobody uses this area anyway." She started pulling me away, but I was already invested.

I ducked underneath the police tape and stood in the middle of the hallway. I could never remember what had sent me over the edge, what caused me to pick that bathroom in particular. But standing underneath the light of the hallway brought some revelation, and I needed more. I walked into the bathroom, Jordan trailing behind me and whispering we should leave.

The bathroom was cold, dark and unused. The white tile was cleaned and polished. The stalls, the urinals and the sinks were exactly as I remembered them being. I let out a small sigh as I walked over to where Jordan had found me, sitting down in the exact same spot, looking up at her and motioning for her to sit. She looked around and sighed, sitting down and stretching out her legs.

"Why are we here?" she asked.

"I have no idea, I just felt like sitting in the room where I almost killed myself. I can't remember for the life of me anything about it. Maybe that's a good thing."

"They say the brain blocks out traumatic memories. That, or it manifests them in a different way."

"Kinda like your PTSD?"

"Sorta," she said, scooting closer to me.

"It's December," I said, sniffing the cold air. "Are you ready for final exams?"

"Hell no, do you still have to take yours?"

"No, the school said I would be exempt and all of my classes would be covered for. At least they're being nice about it."

The air was cold and I stared off into the distance, trying to remember anything from that day. Maybe it was for the best that I didn't remember. My brain blocked it off for a reason, I probably didn't want to remember anyway. Might've just made my life worse than it already was.

I stood up, Jordan following my actions. "Well I think I came here just to get some sort of closure, but I don't know. Thanks for coming with me, I know this place still has a lingering effect on you."

"It's fine," she said. "I kinda knew you would come here, better it to be with me than alone."

"Thanks. You know, we haven't actually known each other for that long. It's only been like...what? Three months?"

"Just about," she replied. "But true friends are the ones who stick by your side. Just because we haven't known each other for that long doesn't really mean a whole lot, and visa versa."

"I guess so."

We walked through the halls again. We didn't really have a destination in mind, we were just walking in talking. It was comfortable to be with her, to tell her everything about my life. I wanted her to know everything about me, and I wanted to know everything about her. We were friends after all, and I wanted our friendship to stick.

"So," Jordan said lazily. "You and Steven?"

I shrugged, picturing his perfect smile in my head, feeling my hands through his soft brown fur. "I like him, hard to tell if he likes me back."

"He likes you back." She added quickly.

"Is it really that obvious?"

She mused for a second, letting the silence fill us up. "Not really, well not to me anyways since you already told me who you like." She paused, lingering air filled up the space. "Can-can I say something crazy?" Her voice high-pitched.

"Go for it."

She sighed, a deep sigh and her eyes closed. "Sometimes I wish you liked me instead...sorry, I sound like a horrible animal."

I paused in the hallway, and she turned back to look at me. "What are you sorry for? It is completely normal to feel like that. In fact, I'm glad you told me. Keeping secrets probably won't be a good idea for us, especially since I'm probably the most crazy animal here. I mean, I did try to end my life." I laughed at my attempted joke, but it didn't go over well from her silent composure. It seemed she was still shaken up by the whole ordeal. I couldn't blame her, but I felt like that part of my life was over, there was no point in remembering it.

She smiled, that smile that I loved. It didn't show any teeth, it was small, spreading from cheek to cheek. "You were the only animal I could think about, you're still the only animal I think about. I'm sorry about what happened to you, and I know I can't fix it. I'm just glad to see you, the real you, the Alex I've always wanted to see. I just wanted to see you happy."

"Are you happy?" I asked back.

I took her smile and shoulder shrug as a good sign.

The bell rang for the ending of school and we made haste towards the dorms room. Female carnivore's weren't allowed in the male dorms, so Jordan watched me walk into the building and I prepared myself for seeing Steven, for seeing my roommates.

I waited in the dorm room, unpacking my bags and cleaning up around the place. Honestly, they weren't pigs, they should've had at least some shred of decency when it came to leaving trash everywhere. My bed was still made from the day I attempted suicide, still flat and unused. I wondered if they left it like that, or if Steven slept in it, just like Jordan was wearing my hoodie.

My thoughts were shaken away by the door opening, I wanted it to be Steven, but red fur and a built body appeared in my vision. Dalton stared at me surprised, dropping his bags to the floor, his mouth agape.

"What the hell are you doing back?" he said.

I stood up from the bed. "Well, they said I could come back. They wanted to see how I would do and if it would be ok for me to come back in the second semester."

He looked so relieved to see me, his breathing increasing and a smile on his face. He walked up to me with purpose and hugged me tight, something I was definitely not expecting. "I'm sorry," he said. "I wanted to visit you everyday in the hospital, but I didn't have the damn courage to see you again. I blame myself for everything you went through, it was all my fault!"

Where was this coming from? I knew he was feeling depressed, but I didn't know to what extent. "Hey," I said. "It's ok, I'm back now."

He pulled away and wiped his face. "No, there's something I need to tell you. I should've told you a long time ago, but I was too scared to. I have to do it, I just have to! I can't hold it in anymore!" We stared at each other for a couple of seconds, then he continued. "I like you, damnit I like you! I've always liked you and I was too scared to tell you so I acted like an asshole!" I gave him a crooked smile, wondering what he meant. Did he like me in a romantic way, was he also gay? It was hard to tell since he never talked about it, and hating someone you liked didn't stick right with me.

Dalton sighed and covered his face with his hands. "I'm in love with you, I was always in love with you. I didn't know how to express it, so I was an asshole towards you, I was an asshole towards everyone. " He ripped his hands away from his face, his eyes glistening with tears. "I know you don't like me back, and I know I was probably the reason why you killed yourself, but I just had to tell you! I couldn't keep it in any longer!"

"Dalton," I said in a soothing voice. "It's ok, I don't blame you for anything, and you shouldn't blame yourself. It's my fault that everyone feels like this. You had nothing to do with my attempted suicide." It seemed like only Mom and Dad knew about the suicide note I wrote, better them then anyone else.

"You should blame me!" He retorted. "You should blame me for everything! I made you feel like shit, I ruined your life!, I-
"Dalton!" I cut him off, his hands trembling and lips quivering. "Stop it! Stop saying you're the cause of all of it, cause you're not! You had nothing to do with what I did!" I calmed my voice, taking a deep breath and looking into his eyes. "I'm gay too, we have something in common...or at least I think I'm gay. I only like Steven like that." Did I really just tell him my most prized secret? Yes, I did. It didn't matter anymore, I didn't care who knew.

"Why?" he said, bringing his shaky hands up to his face. "Why do you care about me?"

"Because, that's who I am. You may have been pretty shitty in the past, but I forgave you. And seeing you like this? It only makes it easier."

Someone else opened the door and Dalton stiffened up, doing his best to push down his emotions and hiding his red puffy eyes. Nathan gave a slight wave as he entered. "Hey Alex, glad you're back."

I nodded my head. "Me too, have you seen Steven?"

He shook his head, then looked up thoughtfully. "Actually, I think he's still tutoring some freshman in algebra. Go check the math classrooms." I gave him a nod of appreciation, stealing a glance from Dalton and being on my way.

It was so weird to think that he only acted like an asshole because he liked me. Did he hope it would get my attention? It seemed to do the opposite, but maybe there was more to the story that he wasn't telling. Either way, talking about his feelings was a good sign, telling me I would know the truth...eventually.

Having another animal like me didn't make me feel better. First it was Jordan, then it was Dalton, but my heart belonged to Steven. I didn't want to make them feel like I didn't like them, cause that couldn't have been farther from the truth. It was just so weird to think about, that if Dalton had played things out differently, or if I hadn't met Steven, how different my life would've been.

I found Steven in one of the math lecture rooms. He looked towards me and his eyes went wide, immediately dismissing his class and running in a sprint towards me, flinging his arms around me and laughing. "I knew you would come back!" I almost fell backwards with the amount of weight he flung at me, but I kept my balance and hugged him back, burying my nose in the fur on his neck.

"I'm glad to be back," I said.

"I've missed you so much!" His nose was touching mine, and he laughed.

He stood there for a while, with my arms around him and our eyes locking on to one another. My heart hammered in my chest being near him. He was all I wanted, all I needed in my life. He brought back my light. This German shepherd fixed a broken wolf.

All the time spent with Dr. Sherman, all the hours, the days, the horrible years. It was all worth it when I looked into his eyes, when I saw him smile. Nothing in this world could tear apart the love I felt for him. He was perfect in every stretch of the word, and I didn't need anymore convincing to know that my feelings were true, true to him only.

"So, are we heading back to the dorm, or…?" His breath was warm on my face and in that moment, I considered kissing him. It was obvious how he acted around me, how his voice rose in pitch when he spoke to me, how he became more energetic and happy, that he liked me. I liked him back, I just hoped he saw it.

Something told me he understood, that our feelings were mutual.

"Let's go back to the dorm," I said.

He slumped his shoulders and pulled away. "Ok, how are you feeling now that you're back?"

"Better, much better. Being in that hospital was horrible."

He laughed and we walked through the halls together, animals finished their classes and stared at us. We walked like we didn't have a care in the world, our tails wagging happily behind us.

I never knew I would find happiness again, I also knew it wasn't here to stay. Every time I had experienced happiness, there was always something to break it, to rip it out of my soul and crush it in front of me.

I did my best to hold onto the feelings though, knowing eventually, they would fade.