AN: Oh wow! Your spontaneous reactions to the last chapter really moved me! To get 5 new reviews in a matter of hours is some kind of record I think, so I got to editing the next one as soon as possible because I was so psyched :-)! And because it was Valentine's Day yesterday and I love you guys so much for rooting for Rianne and Jay, complementing and following the story: Here's a quick update! Let's see how this make-or-break situation is going to turn out for them!

Chapter Title "Security Check" by Sophie Hunger

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the Chicago PD, Fire or Med characters, only my OCs!

To find one's suspicions and forebodings confirmed wasn't always as satisfying as being able to say "See? I was right all along!" to a friend you've had differences of opinion with. On the contrary:

In this case it was certainly just disenchanting and disruptive. This was not what Rianne had pictured the start of her first vacation with Jay to look like, in no way how she had imagined her first major holidays in a new relationship to turn out.

She shouldn't have had to be driving to the airport alone, listening to happy Christmas songs on the radio that it was making her teeth hurt. Rianne would have wanted to find out what Jay's favorite song was and annoy the hell out of him by singing along loud and dramatically. She shouldn't have to be just thinking that it was weird being clad in a thick winter coat, UGGs and a woolen hat now and looking forward to jumping in a pool the next day, probably ending up in flip flops pretty much everyday. She had wanted to hear Jay's amused chuckle while she shared her thoughts and him saying that he was looking forward to seeing her in that retro bikini. It would have been nice standing in line for check-in, snuggled up against his tall frame, joking and flirting while people watching, slowly letting go of all the stress and hassle of the past days. They should have left that behind together at security check and then slowly shed worry after worry the closer they got to boarding the plane: While having a late night coffee at some overpriced airport Starbucks or lots of unhealthy snacks, throughout her making fun of Jay because he would still keep eyeing everything and everyone with his serious detective eyes. During him steering her safely around the place with an arm around her waist or over her shoulder, always anticipating in advance when she wasn't watching her step and pulling her back so that she wouldn't trip or run into something or someone. Because that was what Jay did: Trying to even out the fact that she could be a real klutz on occasion.

All through the process of getting checked in Rianne dragged her feet, doing everything in slow motion to give Jay all the chances in the world to catch up with her after all. It seemed stupid, but something inside her refused to give up hope yet, although she knew hope could be a tricky sentiment.
Jay would only have to do a quick check-in, as they had packed a big suitcase together that she had already with her as well as the second one with all the gifts. With him not present she had to give that up for an additional charge, but she didn't mind if it meant she still got him by her side at the end of the day.

If he didn't make this flight there was no way he was coming at all. She just knew that.
A little voice in the back of her mind was telling her she should have pushed him more and applied to his guilty conscience to get him to drop work for her. But Rianne knew she couldn't have done that for several reasons:

a) She never wanted to be that girlfriend: the pushy, needy one, begging someone for something

b) Parts of her understood where he was coming from and that he felt obligated to his team and that case as long as it lasted

c) he was a grownup man and didn't need her to tell him what to do or talk him into things he obviously didn't want to do, neither was she his therapist needing to coax things out of him and

c) If he hadn't figured out by now how important this trip was for her, for them, maybe this told a whole different story about Jay she had to take into account.

Rianne felt her heart slowly building a protective wall as well as anger and frustration rising the longer he kept her waiting without even a hint as to what was going on.

Jay was stuck, mostly inside himself. At the end of the day he had tangled himself up in such a frenzy of thoughts, inner conflicts and contradictions, it wasn't pretty.
He really should have been on his way to the airport by now and he even could have made it on time, but he kept tripping himself up.

Intelligence had managed to take a high-ranking criminal into custody and actually solved the murder of that homeless man. But instead of packing up and taking care of his private life for once, Jay found himself back at Chicago Med.
Just when he had finished processing Eduardo Salazar's girlfriend and got in his truck, contemplating to kick his ass into gear enough to catch up with Rianne, he had gotten a call from Hailey.

Her and Rojas had been trying to bring back Sammy, the mentally ill kid who had witnessed said murder and escaped the psych ward Rojas had put him in. A high pressure chase and showdown in a supermarket followed where Rojas had shot Sammy to protect innocent bystanders, believing he still had a gun. It turned out he hadn't.
Hailey had asked Jay to check on the kid at Med to calm down Rojas, as they were still stuck at the scene, having to wait for the crime lab and Voight.
It was a welcome opportunity to stay in his escapism: sticking to things he knew in his sleep - working a case, checking up on leads, doing his partner a favor by getting her information on how the kid was doing, while she tended to Rojas. The silent voice that chided him he was absolutely kidding himself was once again ignored.

As long as he was waiting on an update on Sammy, Jay decided to go see Kim.
She was in another room by now, resting up, trying to keep her and Ruzek's offspring safe by staying as still and inactive as possible.
Kim made big eyes when she saw him enter, sitting up in bed a little straighter and combing her fingers through her hair:

"Jay! Now that's a surprise!"

Before he could say anything she added a frightened: "Something happen to Adam?"

"No, no… sorry to scare you like that. He's fine. He and Voight actually caught someone from the FBI's "most wanted" list, so he should be happy how his day turned out."

It said a lot that she thought he would just come see her if something happened to Ruzek. Or maybe it was just his super serious face today, giving her the wrong impression.

"Oh, right… Good! So... this is a social call!" Kim visibly relaxed back into her pillows.

"Yeah, wanted to see how you're doing."

She actually looked a lot better than four days ago, the bruises on her face healing up, her eyes more alive and hopeful.

"Thanks! I'm much better, I also feel quite popular: Torstead two times in one day….

"Torstead?" Jay was a little confused, who or what was that?

He pulled up a chair, because he didn't want to sit down on her bed, it would have been far too intimate. Just standing around, towering over her felt a little weird too. In the end he went over to the windowsill and leaned up against it, noting he was too wired to sit still right now anyway. It was as if a clock was ticking constantly in his head and a big part of him was trying to ignore it.

"Yeah, you know: Torres and Halstead - like all those kids give their favorite ships a nickname these days, consisting of a combination of their names? Thought I'd make one up for you two. Halgado works as well. Haven't found any other good combinations yet…"

Jay must have raised his eyebrows higher and higher listening to her talk, not getting where she was coming from, because Kim snorted a little self-deprecatingly:

"See how bored out of my mind I am?"

"Are we one of your favorite 'ships'?" Jay chuckled a little uncomfortable.

"Of course! Been rooting for you two since day one!"

Jay wondered when day one had been in Kim's timeline, but he let it slide: "So... Rianne came by today?"

Saying her name out loud was a little more painful than he had anticipated seen as he was knowingly sabotaging his relationship right now.

"Yeah, this morning! Brought me a Christmas present and kept me occupied for a while. We talked a lot about my current roommate in here..." Kim pointed to her still flat belly.

"So how's he or she doing?"

"Okay so far. They did a few more tests and a blood panel. Turns out we're having a little boy if all goes well…"

"Oh wow, congratulations, that's so good to hear…"

A boy! How would Rianne feel about that, Jay thought. Did she already know? What the hell was he still doing here?
Kim seemed to have caught on to his distraction and tense pose, crossing his arms and ankles.

"What time is it?"

"It's … almost a quarter past seven!" He didn't even need to look at his watch, he knew off-hand.

"Doesn't your flight leave at nine, nine-thirty?"

"Yes… but I actually had to check on something for Hailey, so I'm running a little late…"

"You're running a little late?" Now it was Kim's turn to raise her eyebrows at him and he found he couldn't answer her directly.

"Jay it's more likely that you're going to miss your flight! How does Rianne feel about that?"

"She... she said that..." Yeah, what did she actually say about that?

"She's fine, she understands…" Great, he should never have come in here, now he was outwardly lying to an injured woman's face.

"Man, I hate to tell you this, but that's crap! Of course she's not fine with it!"

Jay's eyes shot up to meet Kim's, surprised at the vehemence in her tone. How again did he got to talk with Burgess about his relationship-predicament right now? Hearing her say out loud what he already knew made him cringe. She obviously thought he was an immature simpleton the way she was looking at him:

"Maybe she's not lying to you on purpose. But she also knows that putting pressure on you wouldn't have worked either, so what is she supposed to do?"

Jay hung his head a little. He knew all that and although he had come here to see how Kim was health wise he found himself talking about his emotional turmoil instead, at least the part he could explain somehow:

"I, ehm... fuck, I started to realize I have never done this before… spent Christmas with another family? A vacation? Do you know how long ago it's been I took one of those? Almost two full weeks?"

Honestly he couldn't even remember the last real family Christmas he had had. And that was only half of the reasons he was still here and not next to the most gorgeous woman in his world, sipping triple espressos or whiskey in an airport lounge.

Kim still looked at him as if he was a complete idiot. She certainly couldn't see the problem:

"So what? This could be the first time out of many times you get to do this or the last time you get the chance to do it, who knows? How bad can her family be? And you're not that bad with people. Hell I would switch places with you in an instant..."

"It's not about her family, it's just..."

'I am not sure I am good at this. That I can fulfill her expectations... Maybe there's gonna be so much peace and quiet I'm afraid it's going to freak me out, that I don't know what to do with myself...'

Kim didn't let him say any of it: "Sometimes you just have to jump! Not think about the outcome so much in advance and save yourself the energy! Honestly I wish I was better at that myself!"

Jay managed a half smile at her joking about her own love for structure and routine, not one for spontaneity all the time either.

"The only reason for you not to rush to the airport and get on that plane that I'll accept is if you don't love her and think this is a bad idea!"

"Of course I love her!" He didn't have to think about that.

"Then don't go breaking her heart and yours in the process! Jay, you deserve to have something real good come out of this year!"

And what a year it had been! Kim was right, but he still wasn't so sure about the deserving part. Thankfully he seemed to have people in his corner who believed it for him.

He shortly squeezed Kim's hand before he left the room and nodded at her: "Merry Christmas you two!"

Will couldn't believe his eyes when he left the doctor's lounge and stumbled upon his brother's frame, mouching about in the hallway. Jay was switching between fumbling around with his phone and looking up at the ceiling, walking around in agitated circles.
He quickly checked his watch before marching up to Jay determinedly and without hesitation, to give him a piece of mind. He had got to be kidding him!

When his brother turned around and acknowledged his presence Will went straight for the kill, not even giving Jay the time of day he was so pissed off:

"What on earth are you still doing here? I thought you'd be on your way to Buenos Aires by now…"

Jay rolled his eyes up to the sterile white ceiling: "Oh well, here we go!"

Will knew exactly what his little brother was thinking, but he didn't care, summoning him to lay out the reason for his presence at Med. Jay did so with a long sigh. The tiredness in his features betrayed his outward annoyed appearance and spoke of a pretty guilt ridden inner state:

"Yeah, I should, but I promised Hailey to go check on a young man that was brought into the ED with a gun shot wound. Rojas was the one who injured him and…"

If it was even possible Will's fury increased at hearing Jay try to explain, obviously fooling himself. He couldn't let that happen:

"Jay seriously? You called me a knucklehead once, now I am telling you: You're a damn knucklehead! She won't forgive you for this! Let someone else handle this and take off!"

"But she said…"

"Dude - she's a proud woman: go figure! Now hurry up and I'll call Hailey with an update as soon as I get one…"

"Will, it's okay, I…"

The dismissive hand movement accompanying his brother's words was too much for Will. He didn't let Jay finish, but violently pushed against his chest, finally losing his patience with him. His brother's back landed pretty hard against the hospital wall. Also a way to knock some sense into him:

"Why are you denying yourself the thing you know you very well need most of all right now? This isn't healthy Jay!"

For a minute he saw something flash in Jay's eyes that resembled something like anguish and distress, but then it was gone. Only the quick intake of breath spoke of Jay's agitated state. But instead of pushing back at him like Will would have expected him to do he suddenly seemed distracted by a figure behind Will, so the older Halstead took a step back to turn around. He saw that Adam had come along the hallway, obviously on his way to see Kim after his shift. Ruzek threw his arms up in irritation when he saw Jay and Will standing around:

"Jay! Bro, I thought…"

"Save it Adam, not you too!" Jay raised his hand to shut him up, seeming fed up with people being up his ass and telling him what to do, sticking their noses into his business, something Will knew he had never liked.

A vein pulsated dangerously under his brothers right eye, but the redhead wasn't finished with his lecture, gladly roping in Adam to team up against Jay. With his brother's pigheadedness and obstinacy he needed all the help he got to get through to him.

"My brother thinks Rianne will understand that he's bailing on their Christmas vacation because he's the most important member in all Intelligence!" Will sneered.

"Have to give it to you straight man: You're not irreplaceable!" Adam shrugged with a smile, then shoved Jay a little by smacking his arm:

"Seriously though: Don't blow this with her man! Let me tell you from recent experiences: This job? It's not all there is!"

Will felt the air around the younger Halstead turn aggressive now:

"Seriously: One of you is gonna get punched in the face if you don't stop pushing me around!" Jay had that mad streak in his eyes that appeared whenever he felt cornered.

Ruzek held up his hands and backed up two steps: "Okay, relax! We're just trying to look out for you. Jay you've always been there. You never take a sick day without being forced into it. You didn't get yourself suspended multiple times already, you always hold down the fort. So now, let others repay the favor. Voight's already applied for a loan-out officer while you're gone and we have no replacement for Kim. But you've long since earned your place! No one is gonna take it from you just because you're taking time off for once! Go be with your girl and quit stalling!"

"See? All excuses little brother. Will you go on your own volition now or do I have to carry you out of here?"

"You promise to keep Hailey in the loop?"

"Of course!"

"Alright…" Jay nodded.

Will still didn't like the almost defeated expression in his eyes, but he knew Jay would not open up about what else was bothering him. This was as far as he could push him.
So they all slapped each other's backs, exchanged "happy holidays and merry Christmas". Will couldn't help himself to call out after Jay:

"I expect a perfect tango performance when you get back!"

He saw Jay bite the inside of his cheek when he turned around again and flipped Will off. He chose to interpret that as a loving gesture on his brother's end, hoping that he would indeed try to get a move on now and not end up doing something stupid.

She had been composing and deleting texts and contemplating calling Jay 100 times. Her texts were ranging from:

"Are you really doing this? I need you here!"

"Could you at least tell me if you've decided on staying in Chicago?"

"Are you alright? Do you need me to stay here?"

"Call me please?"

"Just fuck you Jay!"

None of those she sent, instead Rianne had succeeded in scratching and peeling away all the fancy polish off her fingernails.
Her mood and opinion on and towards Jay's behavior changed constantly and she wasn't one to wanna look like a deranged drama queen.
It had hit her though that she hadn't been away from him for longer than a few hours, maybe just a day or a night since Jay had been shot. She didn't want to be away from him for this long! Weren't it for her strong stubborn streak she would have considered getting off the plane, find him and bust his balls.

Another part of her wanted to burn all his clothes the minute she touched ground in Buenos Aires to not be reminded that there was someone missing, that he was missing out on the chance to be together in a whole different way than they had known up until now. To maybe slip into an even deeper bonding than they already had. Or maybe it wasn't that deep of a bond seen as it seemed so easy for him to back out of their plans.
It was that part that was scolding the other pieces inside of her that it had to have been expected: There had to be something wrong with this kind of love. She'd let herself fall too deep. Blinded by her insane feelings for a man who was not able to put her first and to get over himself or whatever it was that was keeping her from him.

At one point the announcement "Boarding completed" rang in her ears like a sucker punch to her gut. The sudden reality of them sank in: So this was it then! No Jay on the plane. This really felt like a bad horror movie she wanted to get out of.
Fighting for air she pulled her hat down deeper to keep herself from watching the aisle and be disappointed with every face that passed her that wasn't Jay's. The she put her sunglasses on so that no one saw that pain in her eyes as she was sure that the cracking sound of her heart breaking must have been loud enough for the whole world to hear.

Running out of the hospital building Jay stopped in front of the entrance for a minute, releasing a breath he didn't know he had been holding.

The thing they all didn't get was that this wasn't about fearing for his place in Intelligence. There was so much more to his irrational and deranged behavior, but he didn't know how to explain that. By now he was running out of reasons to stall though. He couldn't keep lying to himself or make up excuses not to leave Chicago. The only option was to explicitly decide he was staying here alone, risking to lose his girlfriend in the process and have everyone up his ass even more. Somehow he half expected his phone to light up any minute with text messages and calls from everyone who hadn't butted in until now, calling him on his shit. Somehow Rianne's and his relationships seemed to very much be of common interest.
Even if it scared the hell out of him there was no other option he could live with than make things right and like Kim had said: Jump.

When he went to get his truck, hoping that it wasn't too late to get through evening traffic to the airport on time, a squad car came to a stop right in front of him. While he abruptly stopped in his tracks to not risk being run over, the driver's door opened and a stern looking Trudy Platt emerged.
Jay had to blink twice to see if his eyes weren't playing some kind of trick on him. Had his desk sergeant really made it out of her cosy station? And why? What was she doing here?
As soon as Platt laid eyes on him she already yelled:

"Burgess called me! Shouldn't you have been on your way to the airport like at least 20 minutes ago?"

"Yeah, how would you know?"

"Your girlfriend left your boarding pass and carry-on luggage with me, remember?… Said she would only believe that you're getting a break together once you're up in the air! Guess she was right, seen as you still haven't come to collect this…" She was waving an envelope at him:

"Told her she should put an ankle monitor on you next time to keep you close!"

Jay couldn't believe what was happening. At what point had everyone started caring about his private business? He had gotten the message by now: Yes, he was a bad boyfriend who didn't get his priorities in order.

"Well… thanks, but like you said: I have to hurry Sarge," he held out his hands for his stuff, ready to take off. This started to feel like running the gauntlet.

"You're never going to make it in time if you don't have some sort of police escort."

"I'll manage…" If everyone could just back off now!

"Halstead! Take the damn helping hand or I'll swear I'll put in a transfer order for you myself! To some kind of correctional facility to knock some sense into you! Hop in or God help me I'll push you into the car myself!"

For a second Jay looked between her and the squad car and his truck and was thoroughly confused. She didn't really mean…?

"Don't worry, someone is going to collect your beloved truck and take it to the car park of the 21st! Now move it homeboy!"

Platt wasn't kidding.
Jay indeed felt like a little boy going to juvie, when he sat next to Platt on their way to the airport. It bugged him that everyone was acting like he was a little child that needed guidance, but he guessed he had been behaving exactly like that today.
Sirens howling, swerving left and right like a pro and outrunning traffic lights, that woman would make a really good rally-driver. This was so surreal and outright bizarre that Jay didn't really get the chance to argue with her or back-pedal. Trudy downright pushed him into the airport building once she had stopped in front of it with squealing tires:

"I can't let that happen: you letting a good one get away because of pure stupidity and negligence! Now put your gun and radio in my glovebox. You're officially on private business now! I'll keep it safe for you! You wanna hold on to your badge though, seen as you might have to flash it to some airport personnel to get you on that plane on time. And now go! Have yourself some fun for once Jay! Get a tan or something!"

"Is this seat taken?"

A Hollywood-style sprint through O'Hare and some badge-flashing and charming his way through security later Jay almost couldn't believe it: He was there. Not yet on a plane to Buenos Aires, but on a plane to Dallas, their stopover.
By trying to suppress any random toxic thoughts and keep focused on the task to get checked in on time he had really made it as the very last passenger on that flight, already getting called out over the speakers of the Airport, something that had never happened to him before.
As soon as he saw Rianne curled up in one of his largest hoodies in a windowseat, VIP like sunglasses and hat pulled deep into her face, arms crossed and looking out the window into a dark Chicago night, he didn't know what he had been thinking.
Obviously he had not been thinking at all! Had he seriously considered staying away from this woman? Jay was just now noticing how much it hurt him to have hurt her, because he couldn't get out of that stupid head-cage of his fast enough.

She didn't give him an answer to his inappropriate opening line when she looked up at him for a second, flinching at the Sound of his voice. Jay didn't find it remotely funny either, but he was so nervous on how to tackle this, how to get her to forgive him.
The plane promptly started rolling towards take-off, it had been a close call. While he got rid of his bag and jacket and settled in next to her, Rianne busied herself with her scarf getting her seatbelt right. She desperately tried to avoid looking at him. A flight attendant went checking overhead cabinets and seatbelts, his girlfriend's eyes stayed trained on the window and she leaned back in her seat. Jay felt an emotional storm brewing inside of him feeling up close how bad he must have hurt her. With his hesitation, with the insecurity he had left her with, by not showing up on time. By making her question if he showed up at all.

Jay helplessly tried to swallow the lump in his throat, he was so stupid: Here he'd gone again, risking it all, for a job! A job for god's sake! Truth was: He knew it had been the one thing to keep him going for a long time. The only thing that was always there when everything else went up in flames. But didn't he at least want to explore if there was a little more to life than being a dedicated servant of the city and hanging out at his usual Chicago stomping grounds? What else than a successful career would he wanna look back on in a couple of years? What did he want to be left of you him after he was gone?

He wanted to put his arms around Rianne and say that he was sorry a thousand times, but he knew this wasn't going to cut it and he had to tread carefully.
After Jay had taken a few calming deep breaths and relaxed back into his seat, he risked a glance over at her. She had her eyes pressed shut tightly under her sunglasses but did not succeed in stemming the tears that had started spilling out from under her lashes silently. When he carefully took her shades off and put them away, Rianne scrunched up her face and released a painful sob that increased the moisture in Jay's own eyes. Sometimes he really was his own worst enemy.

As she was still turning away from him he had to find the nerve to reach out and touch her face, preparing to have his hand swatted away. Normally he was constantly touching her without thinking about it too much. But when angry she was like a crime scene tape that read: "Danger! Do not cross!"
He wanted her to look at him, so he cupped her jaw, leaning in closer:

"I know you're mad at me and you have every right to be. But I need you to hold my hand through this!"

"Are you really here with me though?" she croaked out lips trembling, after letting his words settle between them for a while.

He knew what she was insinuating and tried to put all the persuasion in his gaze that he could muster: "I promise you I will be!"

To say that he was completely there yet would have been a lie. Her eyes studying him intensely and appearing to look right through him were making him feel stripped bare and naked, at the mercy of her reaction.

"Please?"

"I hate you so much right now!" she snarled at him, jaw set, her whole body rigid next to his.

"I know! Believe me, I hate myself even more!" he breathed, his voice breaking, wiping away at wayward tears on her soft skin with the pad of his thumb.

Jay would have expected anything right now, for her to get up and change seats, for her to slap him across his face. Certainly he didn't anticipate her suddenly grabbing him by the collar of his sweater and kissing him, hot and bruisingly like she owned him. In a stupefied haze he held on to everything he could get his hands on: Her neck, her waist, her hair, muffled sounds of need escaping their mouths. Jay thought he really didn't deserve this, but her mouth on his, her teeth biting his lip spread that blaze through his whole body that could wipe out any doubts and irrational thoughts in an instant.

Then Rianne abruptly let him go like he was burning her, pushing hard against his shoulders and banging her fists against his chest, fury in her eyes instead of the earlier sadness. Jay audibly had to catch his breath from her attack.

"Pelotudo!"

He could totally live with the fact that she was calling him a 24-carat idiot while he could still taste her on his lips.

"This isn't over: I'm still mad as hell and you have a ton of making up to do!" She told him, then straightened up in her seat and went to watch the take-off through her window.

Along the way she offered him her hand palms up like he had asked her to, almost shyly. Jay didn't falter, locked their fingers and held on for dear life.

AN: I am not sure how many chapters I'm going to do on Rianne and Jay's holiday. With the pandemic triggering my travel bug it might be more than one ;-) Have a good week!