POV: Jordan

Deep breaths.

I smoothed the wrinkles on my black skirt, the familiar itchiness of the leggings tightening around my legs. In the mirror I looked like a confident snow leopard; grey undershirt neatly tucked into my cylindrical skirt, black velvet jacket around my shoulders with silver buttons, shaping my body, showing my feminine side. On the outside however, taking the time to finally understand what I was doing, what I was getting myself into, I just looked like a blank faced business woman. I brought my hands up to my face, their little tremors being snuffed out by the clenching of fists, the fire in my heart burning brighter with each passing second.

The auditorium was filled with animals of every species, separated into their own cliques. Sheep with sheep, goats with goats, wolves with wolves. They all talked eagerly, little discussions about the debate, about how we would rip each other's throats out with words. Teachers lined the walls, checking the time on their phones occasionally, wanting the debate to start, or wanting it to be over. The air was cold, making it hard to breath, or maybe it was just the anxiety. At this point, I couldn't tell the difference between any of the emotions. They were just thrown together in hopes my body would react accordingly.

My breath was taken away when my name was said into the microphone.

I can't do this.

I can't do this!

I turned around to leave, to forget it all. I didn't care anymore if Brittney won, I didn't care if my life was plunged into darkness. I wanted the pain to be over, I wanted the anxiety to melt out of my body. The animal's voices were so loud, cheering me on, but I was too scared to leave the comfortable black curtains, hiding away.

Then I felt his hands around my shoulders, and I looked up into those grey eyes of his. Those beautiful, rainy day eyes. "I can't do this," I whispered, my voice hoarse, cracking, thick with emotions. Tears threatened at their ducts and the lights were blurred out from the ocean in my eyes.

He wiped them away with his soft hand. "You can do this, you're going to do this. If you ever are scared, just know that I'm only a couple feet away. I'm not going to leave you." His voice, his presence, his warm hug, I wanted more of it. I just wanted to stay with him forever, just to forget about the world, leave only us. We would pack our bags and leave forever.

But then my name was said again, and I felt the warmth leave me, turning on my heel and walking onto the stage. The cheers, the cries, the poster boards with my name. I didn't think anybody liked me, I didn't think anybody knew who I was. They knew me though, and they supported me, herbivores and carnivores alike. Some were separated, others were together. It brought joy into my heart, knowing that I was making difference, just me being on that stage was enough to make some of them cry, the lights shining directly into their eyes and lighting up their tears.

A spotlight followed me as I walked to the brown, sleek podium, standing next to Brittney in her attire that was princess like. She wore a sequined red dress with red high heels and light grey dangling earrings. Her makeup was perfectly done, highlighting everything about her face. She knew she was the shit, and she smirked when she caught me staring.

The deer of a moderator in the front of us shifted in her seat, fixing her glasses to her face and reading off the paper in her hands. "On my right, we have our current president, Brittney Coleson." Cheers erupted from the crowd and Brittney shuffled off to the side waving to them and blowing kisses towards the herbivore boys.

The moderator cleared her throat, taking subtle glances towards me, towards the first carnivore to ever oppose Brittney. "And on my left, we have the runner up, Jordan Anderson." I braced myself for nothing, for deafening silence and occasional coughs. But I didn't get that, I got the same amount of praise Brittney did, more so from the carnivores, but a couple of herbivores made sure their yells were heard. It honestly didn't feel like a debate, it felt like a glorified pep rally.

I gave a smile and a tiny wave, hoping they couldn't see my trembling hands. My shaking legs were hidden from the podium, but that didn't seem to bring me any comfort, especially with Brittney standing only a couple feet away from me.

"Each candidate has prepared a speech to start off the debate." She nodded her head towards Brittney. "Our president gets the luxury of speaking first." Brittney smiled in response and cleared her throat into the mic, tapping it, receiving giggles from the crowd.

"Good morning Clear Bayou. In case you forgot who I am, my name is Brittney Coleson, your Student Council president." She smiled again, never taking her eyes off the crowd, her script left blank. "I am delighted to be here today." She gestured her hands towards me, diamond rings on her fingers. "And I would like to give a round of applause towards my best friend here!" She clapped her hands together, her fake smile growing ever larger as she stared straight into my eyes.

Wasn't really a speech.

"Thank you Mrs. Coleson," the moderator said. "Now, Jordan?"

My body froze, I never thought I would be in this situation. My heart started to race, well, it was already racing, but now it was running a marathon. My trembling hands gripped the podium tightly, my claws scraping against the wood. Luckily, it didn't make a sound.

Everyone watched me as I stood there, unable to speak. There were a couple of murmurs, confused stares, and snickers. I turned my head to meet Alex, his head nodding me on, telling me everything was ok. That was all I needed, just a head nod from him. It may have just been a simple head nod, but to me, it was the courage, the adrenaline I needed to push through this damn debate.

I put on the most confident face I could, smiling sweetly, knowing that faking my personality wasn't going to get me anyway. "Hey, how is everyone doing?" My response from the crowd was a bunch of cheers, and someone screaming "I LOVE YOU JORDAN," which only made me feel embarrassed, but it also brought the real confidence I was looking for.

I continued with my make-shift speech. "I'd like to thank everyone here who came out to witness this debate, and for supporting me. It really means a lot, but I wouldn't be here without my best friend, Alex." I shifted my eyes towards him and smiled. "As most of you know, mental health is an important issue that everyone struggles with. It's not just a thing that goes away, something is literally wrong with your brain. It's not your fault, you can't help it. It's just something that happens."

I remember it all too well.

Brittney flashed me a " what are you planning?" look, and I decided to keep my secrets to myself.

The moderator asked the first question, one that was clearly in Brittney's favor. "How do you plan to improve the school?"

Brittney spoke first, her shrill voice rupturing my ears. "What is there to improve? The school is perfect, everything is where it's supposed to be. Herbivores sit with herbivores, carnivores sit with carnivores. It's safer that way."

Keeping quiet, letting her talk and waiting for my turn, it wasn't going to work. I had to play hard, I had to argue, I had to fight her with words. Because fighting her physically would have only gotten her killed, and then, eventually me. "Safer?" I said, a confused look on my face. "If anything, the school is worse. Carnivores live in fear of their instincts already, and depriving them of basically everything is just wrong."

Brittney kept her eyes on the crowd. "Elaborate, what are we depriving them of?" She was so calm, so collected. I hated it.

An idea lit up in my head and I turned my attention to the crowd. "Who here has been personally victimized by Brittney Coleson?" Almost everybody raised their hands.

Checkmate.

"Who here has been subjugated to a carnivores influence?" Brittney countered. Most of the carnivore's hands went down, but the herbivores stayed up.

It was clear as day, clear as the winter air. Everybody had been traumatized by each other. Everybody had been destroyed by each other. This wasn't a debate, it was just a humiliation tactic, just a way for Brittney to show off her influence. Needless to say, it was working. There was nothing I could do, I could say, that would solve whatever predicament I was in.

The moderator smirked and stood up from her chair, leaving the stage with boo's from the crowd. Whatever game Brittney was playing, it wasn't working in her favor. Or at least, it didn't seem to be. Having the moderator leave during the middle of the debate was one of the factors Nathan didn't calculate into his plan, and I could see him through the corner of my eye, his jaw tense.

The stakes are high, the waters rough, but this stage is mine!

I took a deep breath, it was my turn to talk. Although, I didn't know if turns were a thing anymore since the moderator left. I wondered how this was even allowed, how the administration just let the herbivores do whatever they wanted.

Mrs. Baker's maroon sweater blurred through the crowd as she was whispering to other teachers and to other staff. Whatever she was doing, I hoped it did not interfere with this debate. I needed it to be just me, I needed to win over the herbivores and carnivores by myself. Outside help was always welcome, but I needed to show the school that I could do this alone.

Nathan told me not to get into Brittney's business, not to publicly show the whole school where she came from, who her parents were. I only needed all of the carnivores on my side, I only needed their votes to break Brittney's regime. Easy said than done though, since most of them were bribed by her to stay on her side, to vote for her.

I took another deep breath, hearing Brittney talk about her plans for the school. I just had to interject when she talked about more segregation. "Wait, hold on. So you want to segregate the school more than it already is?"

"Yes," she responded. "Don't interrupt me." She counted her speech and plans. They were horrible, suggesting that all of the carnivores should have their own classrooms, that carnivores should hide from everybody. How could she say things like that when there was a carnivore standing right next to her?

No, this isn't right!

My temper got the better of me. I was tired of being in the shadows, tired of hiding a part of me. I was a carnivore, nothing was going to change that. Nothing was going to whittle me down to the barest parts and put me in a locked cell, only to watch me rot and shift into something I wasn't.

"Why can't we all just get along?!" I yelled into the microphone. Everyone looked at me, at my childish outburst, but I didn't care. "Yeah, you can separate us. Yeah, you can pretend we don't exist, but what is that going to solve? What is going to be accomplished when carnivores are taught to hide everything about them all because you're scared!" I shouted at Brittney.

She had a smug look on her face, like she was expecting this the whole time. "I don't think I need to mention that carnivores don't get eaten by other carnivores, do I?"

In that moment of rage, of hatred, of pure aggression, I did what Nathan told me not to do. "We don't get eaten? We don't get harmed? What do your parents do for a living Brittney!"

There was silence in the room as she stared at me.

"Tell them!" I shouted again.

Again, silence.

"Fine." I turned toward the crowd, my jaw tense and ready to bite. "Mr. and Mrs. Coleson work for a carnivore meat distribution company in the black market. In fact, her father is the CEO of the company. But you wouldn't know that because she keeps it hidden!"

Brittney scoffed. "Really Jordan? Like that story is believable. You seriously think I'm that desperate to ruin carnivores' lives?!" Her voice rose with anger. "My father was killed by a carnivore! A snow leopard!" A gasp escaped the crowd and Brittney reveled in my shocked face. "Yes, he was killed in his own home." She began to fake cry, choking up her voice like she was bringing back painful memories. But what did she know of painful memories? What did she know of heartbreak, of depression, of sadness. "He died while trying to protect me from the snow leopard. He shot him, but in the end, he succumbed to his own wounds." She turned to face me directly. "And here you stand, another snow leopard in my life. Who are you to tell me what's right and wrong?! Who are you to tell me that this world is unfair to carnivores, when I've seen the worst of it!"

It was hard to tell that she was acting. She was a dictator after all, and dictators needed to be convincing, to be persuasive in their political arguments. This was no different, it was just another play she needed to perform in front of the school. Another tragedy in the life of Brittney Coleson, another sad ending.

My anger had resided and I was left with my thoughts clear and concise. "The only reason why I can say this world-n0-this school is unfair to carnivores, is because I live in it." I turned my voice to the audience. "For three years I have attended this school. I have been subjugated to the rules of the student council, to the bullying, to the turning of heads from animals that were supposed to be adults. To animals that were supposed to help us. To animals that were supposed to keep us safe from the world.

"That's all I see when I look around the school. Carnivores sit alone at lunch, herbivores hide away in their dorms at night, security officers patrol the areas. Yes, we may feel safe because of these rules, because of these policies. But do you feel happy? Do we-and I mean that as the collective-feel happy?

"I can tell you one animal who didn't feel happy, who got the worst of it. Not only from this school, but from his family. His name is Alex, some of you may have heard of him as the grey wolf who tried to kill himself in the south-west bathroom. Some of you may have seen him in the hallways, walking to his classes, his eyes low and his tail only ever swaying because of the wind. But did any of you extend a helping hand? Did any of you ever stop to think and ask 'is he ok? Does he need help?' No, no one asked that question except the animals in his immediate area, and even then, you still treated him just as another large wolf, just as another vicious carnivore."

"I'm sorry," Brittney interrupted. "But aren't we supposed to be talking about how to help the school? I don't see how Alex has any part in this."

"Well then you're just as bad." I folded my hands across the podium. "None of you can be this blind. Hell, we got a perfect example when the moderator just got up and left. It's Brittney against me. Carnivores Vs. Herbivores. Society Vs. Individuals. Your choice is a simple one: Me, or her."

This 'debate' has only been going on for twenty minutes, but dear God I just want to be over.

There was slow clapping from the crowd, rising in volume as more animals joined. They understood the message I was trying to convey, even if I had completely forgotten it and just spoke from my heart. I wanted to talk more about mental health, and how that was the real divider in our society, how mental health and its problems ruined the society we could have.

Brittney tried to talk again, but her voice was drowned out by all the clapping.

I had won the debate. I had beaten Brittney Coleson at her own game.

This was too easy...somethings not right here.

Animals trickled out of the doors and Brittney came to my side in her sequined dress. "I believe congratulations are in order. We'll know the results of the debate later in the second semester." She raised her hand to silence me. "I hope you know this doesn't mean you won, this only means you may have gained more votes. We still have the rest of the second semester to accumulate votes. I know your little plan though, it was written all over your face when you spoke to the crowd."

"What is my plan exactly?" I said, getting close to her face.

She obliged, our noses touching. "Getting all the carnivores is a good idea, but I'm afraid it's not enough to win you the election." She backed up and turned on her heel. "I hope I'll be seeing you more, you make this whole election quite interesting. "

She walked away, and I came to realize I was the only one left in the auditorium. Everyone was gone and the lights shut off, one by one. One by one, I stepped off of the stage, basking in the darkness, breathing in the familiar scent of Nathan, whose eyes glowed in the corner of the room.

"What are you still doing here?" I asked as I approached.

"I stayed to make sure you wouldn't get jumped by any of Brittney's carnivore bodyguards.

"Thanks, but I think I can handle myself."

He grabbed my arm before I could walk off. "This isn't over yet, we still have a long way to go."

I pulled away. "I know, we've won the battle, but the war is still raging. I'm not stupid."

"I never said you were."

️ ️ ️

I had won the debate. All the anxiety, all the restless nights. They were all gone, because I had done it. But weren't you supposed to have someone with you? Weren't you supposed to have someone next to you to celebrate? When I looked to my left and when I looked to my right, there was nobody. I was alone. There was no one to celebrate with, no one to curl around and pretend the world didn't exist. No one to share my love with. It was just me, myself, and I. Nobody else.

There was an afterparty after the debate, but I didn't go. I laid sprawled out on my bed, looking at the bed above me, memorizing the crack in the wood. Snow beat against the window, the winter air seeping through the walls and chilling the room. No amount of covers or blankets could warm the solid block of ice that was my heart at the moment. It felt heavy and fragile, like someone could just take a hammer and shatter it away...I wished someone would

My phone dinged, a text from Alex asking where I was. I rolled my eyes, that dumb wolf always came during the perfect time. Always knew when I needed a text or a call. I liked to think he had a sixth sense when I was in trouble. When I was in emotional turmoil, he would always appear.

Fate, or Destiny? Didn't matter to me, the universe put us together, and I fell in love with the one who could break my heart-the one who did break my heart. Then he put it back together with his words, with his actions, with everything.

I texted back that I wouldn't be at the party, faking being sick. Of course, he wouldn't know that, obviously, cause I was faking it. Still, it felt kinda fun to lie, to pretend and skip something that I was meant to be at. But it also brought a little bit of anxiety mixed with excitement.

I think I'm going insane.

Thirty minutes passed as my body decided sleep was something I wouldn't be getting. I just wanted to forget the whole day, just wanting to go home tomorrow, to see Mom. It was going to be another Christmas without Dad, seven in counting.

There was a subtle knock at the door, quiet and light. I got up lazily and opened it, smiling at the wolf who stood in front of me. "Hey," he said.

I leaned against the door, smirking. "Hey, you know you're not supposed to be in the female carnivore dorms."

He rolled his eyes and pushed past me with a plastic bag in his hand. "Of course I know that, but when was I one to follow rules?"

I closed the door and crossed my arms. "Uh, since...forever?"

He clicked his tongue. "Wrong again Mrs. Anderson." He sat on my bed, opening the plastic bag. I sat next to him, wondering what he brought. "It's just some food from the party that I snuck out. I got a couple of weird looks, but whatever."

"Thank," I said, grabbing whatever was in the bag and unwrapping it, stuffing it into my face as he stared at me. "What?" I said with food in my mouth.

He shook his head and smiled. "Nothing."

"No, seriously, what is it?"

He raised an eyebrow. "You."

"Me?"

"Yes you. You stood up to everyone, twice . I don't think I know any animal who could do what you did."

"I'm the one and only," I said, making my posture seem more confident.

He chuckled. "You're the one and only."

There was silence in the room, but it was sweet, gentle, calming. I liked silence when I was around him. I like the presence he radiated. I liked everything about him: his fur, his fluffy ears, his tail thumping against the bed, his gravelly voice, his eyes. Everything.

There was always something in the back of my mind telling me I couldn't kiss him. Telling me that he was in love with someone else, and I had to respect that, I wanted to respect that. But I also wanted to feel his lips against fine, to feel its warmth, to feel something other than this cold and empty feeling I was so used to.

I got up from the bed and went over to my dresser, picking out the grey hoodie and holding it up to my body. "It's a little big for me." I threw it back at him and he caught it in his hands, his eyes looming over the fabric and feeling around it. "You should keep it. It's yours, not mine."

"Um...thanks."

Sitting back down brought the realization, brought the memoirs back to my head. Giving him the hoodie back wasn't just saying "here you go!" it was me giving him my feelings towards him. Or was I giving him the hoodie as a way for me to forget about my feelings? To forget about all of the emotions I felt around him?

So casually cruel in the name of being honest.

I felt like I was paralyzed by time, still trying to figure out who the animal was before I met him, before everything went to shit, before I wore that hoodie. I just couldn't though, I remembered everything too well: the giving of pencils freshman year, catching him crying in sophomore year, finding him in the bathroom junior year. It was played like a movie in front of my eyes, watching my life as it reeled its way through, the tape burning at the end.

Maybe it got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much.

It was a masterpiece before I went and tore it all up.

My hands were shaking again and my legs wanted to give out. Actually they did give out, because in one motion I was swept up into someone's arms. His arms.

"You're kinda heavy," he said. "Can I put you down?"

"Y-yeah," I said breathlessly.

It took me a couple of seconds, but I regained my balance, the view of the world coming back clearer than ever. The view of him was clear, grey and white, but clear. My feelings were clear, my head was clear, my thoughts were clear. I loved him, I was always going to love him. But the feeling of love wasn't soul crushing, wasn't heart breaking, wasn't me wanting to rip my heart out every time I looked at him because it hurt so much.

"Are you ok?" he asked, his voice light with concern.

"Yeah...just got dizzy all of a sudden." I gave a weak smile. "I'm fine, don't worry."

"Have you eaten or drank anything today?" he said, rummaging through the bag and pulling out a bottle of water.

"No," I said embarrassed, grabbing the water bottle and drinking it dry.

"I don't know how you survived up on the stage if you didn't eat anything. That can be really dangerous."

I said, "I'm fine," but it wasn't true. When was I ever going to be fine ? When was the universe ever going to stop teasing me with visions of what could be? Of what my life would be like if he was a part of it?

I was just tired of all of it. Of Brittney and emotions. I thought my head was clear, but the only thing clear was the water I had drank. My mind was clouded, my eyes were blurry, and sleep was finally catching up to me.

"Hey," I said. "I think I'm gonna go to bed."

Please stay, please stay, please stay.

He patted his legs and stood up, his tall disposition, his tail wagging behind him. "Ok, get some sleep. Maybe during the break we could go back to that coffee shop."

I smiled, heat gathering in my face and eyes wanting to water. He had remembered the coffee, the couple of hours that I thought were insignificant to him, the hours which only made my feelings towards him clearer.

"Yeah, that would be great," I said with a smile and laugh I couldn't contain. I jumped up from the bed and hugged him. He was always going to be warm, always going to be comforting. It was all I wanted, and I had it. I had him, I was always going to have him.

He tilted his head at me as I pulled away, wiping away the watery eyes with my sleeve. "Don't tell me you're crying." He teased.

"I'm not! There's just an eyelash in my eye."

This was the point where he was supposed to kiss me goodbye, and he would tell me we'd see each other again. But of course, that wasn't going to happen. He was going to walk through that door and I was going to be stuck in my room alone, and that's exactly what happened.

"I love you," I whispered as he closed the door behind him. "I'm always going to love you."

Eyes were heavy, body was tired, and sleep came faster than ever.