CHAPTER XI: CONNECT

I wake up with something pressing against my throat, making it harder to breathe. My hand tries to move whatever it is off my throat but I accidentally bump the hand against something on the way there. The pressure on my throat relents as soon as I tap the something and I gulp down what air I can, each breath bringing mild pain. Something cold touches my neck and a gentle flow of dark magic covers the wounds, easing the pain enough so I can croak, "That hurts... how far did you... bite down?"

"I avoided the vital parts..." Shalltear croaks in reply as she finishes her ministration and falls on top of me with a light thud, my hand moving away from my neck so I can embrace her properly with both arms. I'm not sure if I'm embracing her because I can barely feel my limbs and when I try to open my eyes, my mind drifts away until I stop thinking entirely.

My eyes close for what feels like seconds then snap open when conscious thought surges back. All I can see is vague darkness but my eyes adjust quickly to the gloom and relief replaces the unease when I recognize the familiar bedspread around me. My right hand slowly slides off cold skin towards my neck, fingers exploring the scarred flesh and deformities from multiple bite marks. No two marks are alike but as I explore, Shalltear takes my hand and holds it as I explore further up my face.

She guides my hand slowly up my neck towards my chin, the texture changing slightly the further I go upwards. Warm skin with minor cuts becomes rougher with deeper scars that haven't healed properly. It should be impossible to have scars at all given my healing abilities but just by touching them, I can feel them emanating magic that shouldn't be there. I let my hand be guided up the left side of my face to distract me from the dreadful scars, the fingers and palm gliding past my chin and cheek. Somehow, my hind moves towards my eye until it slides past my field of vision into my skull.

I can still see out of my left eye even though both of our hands move partially into my head. My hand is embraced by an odd sensation of misty dampness followed by flesh without proper skin coverage when I reach the back of the eye socket. The misty dampness crawls across my hand enthusiastically as information springs to life on the right side of my vision, the still image of a pale man outstretching their arms and legs. A strange noise, equivalent to an animal gibbering, projects into my head as the pale man gains more and more scars across their body and rotates in place to show me the full extent of the scars. My hand is guided out of my eye socket to my forehead, my mind uncertain as I whisper, "How can I still see properly?"

As I ask the question, the pale man rotates to face me and zooms in closer to the face. The illusions on the face fade away, revealing the black mass of shadows that made up the left eye. The shadows crept across the skin but no part of its mass strayed too far from their home. Crimson light tries desperately to escape the shadows but each ray that shines through is swiftly pushed back into the depths. I can't help but chuckle at the sight, saying in mock annoyance, "I'm starting to look like my father minus the crazy hair."

"I'm so sorry...I didn't-" she tries to say but I sigh and manoeuvre my arms around her, saying in a comforting tone, "It's okay... it was painful but there's nothing to worry about now... we were both overzealous..."

I can finally feel some of the scars I inflicted on her back and sides, silently hating myself for losing control and harming her the way I did. I hide my self-loathing as I pronounce, "But we aren't doing that again... I guess we're both too monstrous on the inside..."

"I haven't been afraid like that in a long time... not since my duel with Lord Ainz... and I wasn't all there during that fight..." she confesses, her body starting to shake lightly in my arms. I maintain the same pressure of embrace as she starts to panic slightly, trying not to overdo my hug as she laughs nervously and states maniacally in a shaking voice, "And you want to know the worst part of it? The messed up part of all of that? Part of me wants to experience that again... even though we hurt each other so badly and I ate one of your eyes... even though I drank some of the blood from your heart and left wounds on your body infused with dark magic-"

"And part of me wanted to kill you... because of what Roeray had you do to me... and that's why we can't let our inner beasts out while near each other," I admit gravely, Shalltear stiffening slightly from my mention of old wounds between us. I sigh in exhaustion and force the toxic emotions lingering in my mind out, recognizing them as lingering feelings from the prior night. My right-hand leaves Shalltear's back and brushes her stomach and chest slowly, fingers exploring the damage I'd done as I state firmly, "I won't be ruled by my inner darkness again... and we'll continue to keep it contained like before... trust me..."

Shalltear groans in a comforting display of joyful annoyance, her arms embracing my shoulders suddenly and forcing me to return her embrace as she says, "I both love you and hate you when you do that... that toxic optimism you always have... what kind of wife would I be if I shot you down for it?"

"You don't have to do anything... I've been wrong on plenty of occasions..." I reply without thinking, Shalltear snorting as she moves around slightly to get more comfortable. She leans back slightly and my eyes are drawn to her for the first time in the conversation. My right hand immediately goes to her face and brushes against the dreadful claw marks she has from her right temple to her left cheek. I try to say something but she shushes me and states with a smile, "The scars will heal once the magic within them drains. I'd wager they'll heal in about a day or two if we're lucky, a week if we aren't. Until then, we'll just stay at home for the time being-"

"It isn't right... we shouldn't be hurting each other this badly," I reply as I keep rubbing the scars, consciously trying to will them away until Shalltear shoves my hand off her. She forces her weight forward into me, wrapping her arms back around my shoulders as I'm pinned to the bed. I stare up at the ceiling in confusion as she states, "Stop worrying so much. Time away from all of the crazy antics will be good for you."

My body starts to feel tired and with both of us slowly drifting into sleep, I'm able to whisper before my eyes close, "Yes, dear."

I'm woken up by the smell of food, my body rising slowly off the comfy mattress as I groggily get my bearings. I don't get far because Shalltear uses her weight to shove me back into bed like she always does. Though the pain is less then it was the last time I was awake, it's still strong enough for me to groan lightly from overexerting myself and Shalltear pushing me down. I feel her hands brush across my chest and sides before she states happily, "Yeah, you're healed enough now. Try again."

I groan as I try again, Shalltear hanging onto my shoulders as I smoothly go upright. She sweeps her left arm around us, moving the black curtains open magically so the light can come through. A loud, shrieking cry sounds in my head as soon as the light touches me, my teeth gritting from my left eye squirming uncomfortably in its socket. My left-hand releases Shalltear to cover my left eye socket but the darkness only provides partial relief and the shrieking in my skull doesn't relent. A piece of dark cloth is shoved under my hand to cover my left eye and is tied to my head, Shalltear moving back into view and smiling at me as I slowly remove my left hand from my face.

"What sound does that thing make when exposed to light?" she asks with too much enthusiasm, my head shaking slightly as the shrieking relents and I slide us to the bed's edge. She let's go of me and slides off the bed to waltzes over to the dinner table set up nearby, my body straining and my mind disoriented as I reply, "Like... screaming... in my head... the illusions don't block out the light..."

"Pure creatures of darkness don't enjoy sun exposure," she replies but my attention is drawn to the grand meal on the table, whatever conversation we're having lost as I walk over to the table and take a seat next to Shalltear. I'm glad that she isn't feeling too civilized and is generously shoving food into her face, signalling that I can do the same without regrets. I don't bother with utensils or plates, using my hands to pick up and rip food from its serving dishes. I take just enough time to enjoy the taste of the tender pieces of meats, fluffy loaves of bread, sweet morsels of pastries and so on before chewing them until I can swallow. I feel Shalltear tap my right shoulder, leaving some food debris on it before saying with food in her mouth, "Eat your fill. You need it."

All I can do is nod as we continue to devour everything on the table recklessly, washing it down with a mix of strong teas and fruity drinks. The serving trays are silently taken away by her servants, replaced with more trays of food that we dig into. After eating what seems like the meals of several people, Shalltear eventually stops and burps loudly, the sound louder then I thought she was capable of. I follow suit and wonder why I can produce an echo, both of us laughing from our crude behaviour. She takes another drag of her Neopolitan tea before saying, "What did you do to me? I'm not usually this uncivilized."

"It's just us here so there's no need to be civil. You're letting your hair down," I reply before Shalltear leans back and shoves my right shoulder for making such a lame joke. I smile and chuckle but tense when she shuffles out of her chair to leap into mine, landing across my lap and stretching her arms and legs. I wince slightly at how many scars and bite marks she has on her front and neck but she quickly addresses my gaze with, "The scars don't hurt. I siphoned some of your impressive well of magic to heal what I could and numb the pain."

The mass of shadows in my eye socket tears through the cloth over my face at that moment, rolling out of my eye socket onto the table with a gentle thump. The loss of binocular vision is disorienting for a second but I'm immediately drawn to the mass on the table turning towards me on its own. The shape reminded me of a pastry roll but among the shadows, two red orbs akin to eyes stare back. The mass of shadows stares up at me and warbles a noise akin to, "Pappa?"

My heart lurches and I snap my head to Shalltear, a wicked smile on her face as she explains, "The eye I consumed merged with my flesh... then I spat it out back to where I consumed it from because it didn't sit well in my stomach... the combination of our dark magics and you sustaining it gave it life."

"I was wondering why my left eye was itching," I reply surprisingly calmly as I turn back to the shadow and reach out, placing my left hand gently on the mass. The texture is much firmer than before and the shadow creature vibrates in strange approval from my touch. I feel something push into my hand, dark tendrils jabbing to absorb more of my bodies nutrients. The pain is negligible and they only feed for a few seconds before retracting their tendrils and rolling slightly away from us. It occurs to me as they start to grow that they aren't being burned by the sunlight, their misty body surrounded by a thickening skin layer as more distinct tendrils form for locomotion. The mass uses their new tendrils to drag itself closer to the food nearby and with slow, unsure movements, they grab some of the food to shove into a newly formed mouth. Shalltear whispers as we watch the shadow feed, "So what do we name them? It's our spawn after all."

"Grace. It's the short version of my mother's name," I say without hesitation as we watch the shadow devour everything on the table with increasing speed. They keep consuming as they repeat their new name in a slowly changing voice, the aquatic warbling of liquid shadows becoming a more distinct combination of my voice and Shalltear's voice. More food is brought to the table as debris-ridden serving trays are removed, the shadow latching onto everything edible that comes within range. Shalltear breaks my concentration by saying, "You know what we have to do...right?"

"Yeah, I remember... but we can still visit when we can and we can teach them what we know until its time... that's the least we can do," I reply with confused sadness. Part of me feels deeply attached to the being rolling around on the table eating everything it can but the rest of me knows that a bargain was made and must be fulfilled. Although I feel upset that I won't refuse the bargain, I add in with conviction, "I'll make sure to take the time I can for them."

"A responsible father figure? Who would have thought?" Shalltear states playfully, an amused snort my immediate reply. The shadow has consumed enough to grow into a small, semi-humanoid shape due but they still preferred to roll around when they move towards us. They sit down at the edge of the table, sticking to it and dangling their tendril legs over the edge while opening their tendril arms and saying with a bright smile, "Mama! Pappa!"

We both take one of their tendril hands, eliciting happy laughter from the three of us.