Fifth Intermission

Part 3: Millennium Door 6

Having procured the Sapphire Crystal Star and successfully driven off Lord Crump and his X-Nauts for the time being, Edd and his band of heroes were more than eager to finally leave Keelhaul Key and return to the mainland of Rogueport to resume their quest for the next Crystal Star. As a show of thanks, Cortez had offered to ferry them back to Rogueport for free. In addition, after the bout, Cortez allowed them the use of the Black Skull if ever they needed to sail to Keelhaul Key and back again. Edd and his friends were grateful for the offer; they, however, did end up parting ways with several castaways, including Pa-Patch as well as Jake Reynolds and his own sailing crew, who had elected to remain on Keelhaul in the hopes of perhaps converting their shantytown into a small resort.

Night had fallen upon the ocean as they continued their return voyage to Rogueport, and due to their new alliance with Cortez, there was no need to fear another attack by the Embers under the pirate captain's command. Edd stood on the main deck with Eduardo Junior, gazing out to sea as the breeze calmly blew and the light of the moon reflected off of the ocean surface; after a short while, Edd decided to break the silence.

"I certainly must admit, Eduardo, that I was momentarily overcome with fear regarding your well-being," said Edd, patting the little Yoshi on his head.

"Dad, please, I so could've handled that jerk if he hadn't gotten the jump on me," replied Junior.

"Seeing what has happened – and almost happened – to you has me convinced that I've been falling down on my erstwhile parental duties by neglecting you," Edd lamented. "Mostly because I've been consumed with worry about how this will all turn out at the conclusion of this adventure."

"C'mon, Dad, ya gotta chillax," said Junior. "I'm fine. We're all fine, even Eddy, and you should be, too. I mean, you got what, like, five Crystal Stars now? That's five out of seven. There's only two more left, and besides, I'm sure you've found almost every one of your friends by now."

"While I do appreciate your attempt to assuage my worries, the fact is, we still haven't found all of them, so I remain fraught with worry over their well-being as well," said Edd. "Sarah, I'm certain, can more than hold her own, given our less-than-favorable experiences with her. Take it from me, you do not want to be on the receiving end, much less in the path, of her rage and fury. But Jonny? Oh, dear, kind, imaginative Jonny… I can only imagine the terrible predicament he must be enduring at this time. May Kanker had escaped her imprisonment some days ago, and still no sign of her presence anywhere. As for her sisters… I suppose we should be able to find her sisters, at least, if we can defeat the X-Naut militia for good."

"See that? No problem-o, Daddy-o," said Junior, yawning and stretching. "I'm gonna head in now."

Edd watched as Eduardo Junior crossed to the nearby door and opened it; the little Yoshi turned back in the boy's direction so they could exchange "Good nights" before Junior entered below decks. Once Junior was inside, Edd returned his gaze to the calm waters of the sea. Amid the reflection of the moonlight on the surface, he could also see his own reflection on the surface looking back at himself. It's strange, he thought, but it truly does feel as though Eduardo Junior were a part of my own family…

Edd eventually shifted his viewpoint back to the main deck. Since Cortez was also below decks and currently in his office, only the required deckhands remained on the main deck, swabbing the deck, manning the sail, turning the wheel to steer the vessel, among other duties.

Admiral Bobbery stood near the bow of the ship, deep in thought and reflection. Aye, this been quite a journey, he thought to himself. And it be quite the tale to tell… Arr, I suppose we be returnin' to Rogueport as heroes o' the sea.

While this journey was certainly fraught with danger and hardship, the seafaring Bob-omb was grateful that he was part of it. He was able to set sail again after so many years, and he even got to see his beloved, departed lady love, Scarlette, once more. I've done as ye asked, Scarlette… 'n aye, this old sea dog can't be happier.

The sea breeze blew his hat off of his head and onto the deck, exposing his good eye and his eye patch. With a smile, he gazed upon the moon, and as he took in the moon's radiance, he caught a brief glimpse of Scarlette smiling down upon him…

XXX000XXX000XXX

The Black Skull, despite years of aging and dilapidation, sailed at a slightly faster, but no less calm, pace than the S.S. Flavion did, and as such, after about a day on the high seas, the castaways finally returned to Rogueport, back to what passed for civilization.

"At last we return, sl-la-la-la-la-lathered in glory, to my dear, sweet hometown of Rogueport!" Flavio boasted as he and the castaways disembarked the Black Skull and touched down onto the dock. Behind him, a few of the castaways who had elected to join the voyage were seen unloading Edd's S.S. Intelligence from the large ship and tethering it back to the harbor.

"Of course, 'tis only thanks to my courrrrrrrrageous efforts that we return at all, yes?" Flavio continued boasting. "But of course, you all know that, and know that well, I might add."

"Yes, yes, Mr. Flavio, you need not point it out all the time," said Ralph T. "Now if you'll excuse us. Perhaps chance shall bring us together again someday. Shall we?"

The Toad sailors, among them Ralph and Feal T., immediately scurried away in annoyance.

"What? Hey! You're leaving already?" Flavio called after them.

"Please leave them be, Mr. Flavio," said Edd as he disembarked. "After what could very well have been months at sea, those poor souls need to reacclimate themselves to being back on the mainland. In addition, Ralph and Feal T. also require time to themselves to re-establish their own brotherly bond."

"Yeah, it ain't as tight as the bond I got with my dad here," said Junior, disembarking along with Vivian.

"Hm, well, such is life, I suppose, Captain Eddward," said Flavio as Mario and Eddy began to disembark as well. "I trust you are anxious to continue your adventure as well, ah?"

"Is-a correct, Signor Flavio," said Mario.

"I see. Well, the day may come when you shall surpass the amazing and fabulous Flavio in amazingness and fabulousness," Flavio boasted.

"I think that day came and went a long time ago," grumbled Nazz.

"Yeah, you're even more self-absorbed than Dorky," groaned Kevin.

"I disagree, of course," said Flavio. "But you should always- what's the phrase?- shoot for the stars, ah? If the day comes when you reach the pinnacle, do remember to shout 'FLAVIO!' to the wind!"

"Arr," growled Cortez. "That be remindin' me, amigo…"

"Oh, yes, Captain Cortez?" asked Edd.

"If ever ye be gettin' the urge to be returnin' to Keelhaul Key, just say the word, 'n I'll bring yeh there 'n back faster 'n the fastest winds blow," said Cortez. "¿Comprende?"

"An accord we have indeed, Captain Cortez," said Edd.

"Agreed-a, Captain Cortez," echoed Mario.

"Yes, yes, you had your time in the spotlight, you giant skull, so get ahold of yourself," Flavio said. "And since my adoring fans have gone, I, too, shall take my leave as well. And to my brave crew, if ever you see me in town, I do permit you to say hello to me. May we meet again, ah? Flavio, out!"

With that, Flavio took off back into town, as the remaining castaways had disembarked.

"Bye, Mr. Flavio!" called Jimmy. "Don't forget to write your novel! Not that we'll ever read it."

"So, like, now that we have another Crystal Star…" began Nazz.

"Ah, yes, quite right, Nazz. Thank you for reminding me," said Edd. "We shall now make for the Thousand-Year Door with the Star and the Map in hand."

"What?" yelled Bobbery, causing the group to jump in surprise. "Yer sayin' ye found the lost door o' legend?"

"That is correct, Admiral Bobbery," Edd replied. "Follow us and we shall show you."

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Arr, that… that be it! That be the very door spoken of in the ol' tales!"

This was the Admiral's reaction to the sight of the Thousand-Year Door. He, the Ed-boys, and a large chunk of the group had arrived back in the grand hall in Rogueport Sewers where the Door was located. Among the group were the three Ed-boys, Nazz, Vivian, Eduardo Junior, Mario, and Goombella; the rest elected to swing by Podley's for long-overdue refreshments, to be joined by Edd and his faction in due time.

"Aye, this door be quite the spectacle, indeed!" Bobbery continued.

"This is the cursed lost door that serves as the gate to the un, the conduit to the seventh level of Hades! His evil minions shall suck out our marrow!" Ed shouted. "Ooh! Can I go in first? Can I, pretty please with butter on my toast?"

"It's 'may I,' Ed, and no, we cannot open this door until we have all seven Crystal Stars at hand," noted Edd.

"That's right, Ed," added Goombella.

"Ahem, shall we, then?" asked Edd, producing the Sapphire Crystal Star as Mario produced the Magical Map.

"Um, Double-D?" asked Nazz.

"Yes, Nazz?" Edd replied.

"Um, can… like, can I do it this time?" Nazz asked nervously, eyeing the Star.

"Why, certainly, Nazz," said Edd, handing her the Star.

Nazz stepped onto the center of the raised dais and held up the Star; taking the cue, Mario held up the Map once more. Right on cue, the Star flashed and floated out of Nazz's hands, and the dais was enveloped in the same cyan ring of light, the arcane rune symbols manifesting in the center. The Map began to glow as well, as the location of the next Crystal Star was revealed; eventually, the lights faded and the Star returned to Nazz's hands, after which the spunky blonde returned the Star to Edd.

"Okay, so, like… where is that?" asked Nazz, examining the Map.

"Beats the heck outta me," said Junior. "Dad?"

"As before, let us ask Professor Frankly," said Edd. "He shall most certainly enlighten us."

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Ah!" exclaimed Professor Frankly. The Ed-boys and the members of their group that previously visited the Thousand-Year Door had gathered at the professor's residence to discern the next Crystal Star's location.

"Bug?" screamed Ed, misunderstanding. "GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!"

"HEY! Calm down, Monobrow!" yelled Eddy, slapping Ed. "There's nothing on your face! Or in your head."

"Great news, my friends!" exclaimed Professor Frankly. "No, we are not being invaded. It's our lucky day! The next Crystal Star is in… Poshley Heights!"

"Poshley Heights?" inquired Edd.

"Poshley Heights?" echoed Jimmy. "With a name like that-ooh! There's gotta be oodles of rich and famous people living there! Sarah and I would love that!"

"Why, quite right you are, there, young one with the falsetto voice," said Frankly jovially. "And I'm also fairly certain there's also a shrine to the stars known as Poshley Sanctum. And to answer your next question, Eddward, there are no fearsome monsters or dangerous dungeons, either."

"Aww," groaned Ed.

"Nope, just a lovely, fancy, ritzy tourist attraction!" said Frankly.

"My, that sounds lovely!" said Edd.

"Lovely? It's a dream!" said Jimmy, who practically had stars in his eyes at this point.

"Yeah, it's MY dream!" laughed Eddy. "All's I gotta do is scam some rich suckers, and then I'LL be rich! No, wait- FILTHY rich!"

"Oh, shut up, Eddy," groaned Vivian.

"So c'mon, get to the point, Prof!" groaned Junior. "How do we get to this Snobville, anyway?"

"Are you kidding? That's the best part!" exclaimed Frankly. "To get from here to Poshley Heights, you get to ride the most famous train of all- the Excess Express! Yes, after an excursion aboard the luxurious steam engine that is the Excess Express, the next Crystal Star shall be yours! I bet getting those Crystal Stars has been backbreaking work for you up to this point, but, why, this time it should be a cinch!"

"That certainly sounds very promising," said Edd. "But then, there is the issue of procuring tickets for this luxurious locomotive."

"Yeah, don'tcha have to be all rich and famous to even get one ticket for this train?" asked Junior.

"Hm, that may be true," mumbled Frankly. "Perhaps… hm…"

"Perhaps what?" asked Goombella.

"Well… I suppose you could get the train tickets the same way you got the tickets for Glitzville," mused the professor.

"Wait," said Edd, the realization dawning. "You mean…?"

"We should ask that Don Pianta for help with this, too?" said Goombella.

This statement was enough to take the stars of excitement out of Jimmy's eyes.

"What? We gotta deal with the mafia again?!" the pale boy quavered. "What is this, The Godfather Part II?"

"Mama-mia," grumbled Mario. "Perhaps it's-a best to leave-a this to us."

"That's so interesting, 'cuz while we were on Keelhaul, we ran into his daughter and her- well, now he's her husband- on what was supposed to have been their honeymoon!" exclaimed Goombella. "They didn't come back with us, but I didn't find out why."

"Wait, Don Pianta? He sounds like a loon, from what I heard about him on the way back from that island," grumbled Junior. "But if we gotta, we gotta, I guess, right?"

"Is-a correct," mused Mario. "Goombella? Let's-a go get Rolf and-a Madame, since-a we have-a the experience with the syndicate."

"Sounds good to me," said Goombella. "I think they're at Podley's with the others."

"Excellent! Then we're set," said Frankly. "We may not have much time left, though, so you'd better snap to it."

XXX000XXX000XXX

Taking the cue, Mario and Goombella gathered Rolf and Madame Flurrie together and steeled themselves to once again pay a visit to the Pianta Syndicate in the hopes of procuring the tickets to the Excess Express. The foursome passed through Bootoria's item shop with ease, with Ishnail's clue to accessing the Syndicate's headquarters no longer necessary, and soon arrived at the office of Don Carlo Maurizio Pianta. When they entered, however, they noticed something was different from their previous visit- the Don's desk was gone, replaced by a large king-size feather mattress on which Don Pianta lay, tossing and turning and mumbling; clearly the Don was in distress, and feeling rather unwell, indicating by the bluish coloring on his face. Rolf, Mario, Goombella, and Flurrie cautiously approached the Don as he restlessly squirmed on the mattress.

"Monsieur Don Pianta?" asked Flurrie. "Excusez-moi, but is something the matter avec vous?"

"Zzzzrrrnngh… Francesca…" was the response from the Don.

"Aww… poor Boss," said Vinny, one of Don Pianta's bodyguards. "Da big man's been sick wit' loneliness ever since his daughter skedaddled."

"I mean, what's a syndicate to do?" inquired Tony, the other bodyguard. "Da boss is in shambles, and da underboss, Frankie, is gone, probs to marry Francesca…"

"Well, you'd be right about that, boys," muttered Goombella under her breath.

"On top o' all o' dat, dat scruffy gang o' punk Robbo Thieves is stealin' jobs left 'n right from out under us," Tony added.

"But enough about us 'n our stupid problems, huh?" said Vinny. "What can we do for youse?"

"Well, um… this is-a sort of awkward," said Mario. "But-a… we came-a back hoping-a to get some-a tickets for the Excess Express-a…"

"What's dis now? Tickets for da ritziest train around, da Excess Express?" inquired Vinny.

"Whoa, now, youse want tickets fer dat ol' rollin' wingding?" added Tony, raising his voice as the Don's restless mumbling continued.

"Yeah, that's right," said Goombella.

"Ooh, well… ain't nuttin we can do 'bout dat," said Vinny.

"Yeah, us givin' out da tickets? Dat's rich! Youse gotta talk to da boss fer dat," said Tony.

"Oh, Francesca… my little cannoli…" groaned the Don.

"I'm sorry, but I can't stand seein' da boss like dis," groaned Vinny.

"If only we knew where dem newlyweds was, we could take da boss to see 'em," said Tony.

As the bodyguards puzzled about their current situation, Mario gathered his group together in a huddle, keeping their voices in a whisper so as not to be overheard by Vinny and Tony, whose attention was returned to the Don.

"Hm, as much as I don't want to do this again, it seems like the only way we'll get those tickets is to bring Francesca and Frankie back to this place… again," whispered Goombella.

"And-a this time, we know where they are-a," whispered Mario.

"Oui, c'est romantique," mused Flurrie.

"So it's settled, then?" asked Goombella.

"Yes, Rolf agrees with the mushroom girl with brains like head-and-sock Ed-boy," said Rolf.

"Let's-a go, then," whispered Mario as the foursome broke their huddle.

"Hey, boys? Maybe we can come to an arrangement," said Goombella.

"What's dat now? Youse can help us out?" asked Vinny.

"Yes," said Mario. "It-a so happens that Francesca and Frankie are-a… honeymooning on Keelhaul Key."

"Wait, what's dat now? Repeat dat again. Dey's where?" asked Tony.

"On ze trés romantique honeymoon on ze Keelhaul island," said Flurrie.

"So da young Miss Pianta 'n da underboss is on Keelhaul Key? Really? No lie?" said Vinny.

"'Cuz I swear, if youse 're lyin', we's gonna turn youse into confetti, so help me," warned Tony.

"We're not-a lying, I promise," said Mario. "They really are on-a Keelhaul Key."

"Well, den, why don't youse be a few good pals 'n gals 'n bring Francesca 'n da underboss back here?" said Vinny. "We'd go ourselves, but we can't leave da boss unprotected, youse get me?"

"If youse bring 'em back, den I swear, youse can have dem train tickets," said Tony. "We got a deal, palookas?"

"Youse got a deal, bub," said Goombella, mimicking the mafioso accent of the Syndicate members.

"Now see, dat's better," said Vinny. "Also don't talk like dat. Dat's, uh… kinda our thing."

"Yeah, we knew once youse heard our predicament, youse wouldn't refuse," said Tony. "Now don't go messin' dis up now. Remember- confetti."

"Well, then, let's-a go!" said Mario.

End of Part Three