A/N Happy Sunday! Thank you so much for joining me on this crazy journey with these two...and special shout out to the girls in the FB group for all of their wonderful support! You guys are amazing ❤️

18+

LV

I freeze and Edward inhales sharply, his eyes suddenly becoming clearer, widening in alarm. 'Shit, Bella I-

I sit up in the bed and he swears again, his voice panicked as he sits up too. 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…blurt it out like that, when I'm all fucked up and you've…fuck, I'm sorry. Please don't freak out.'

I'm not.

I knew his feelings.

I've known them for a while.

But I didn't want him to tell me them, I didn't want this.

I swallow. 'Edward listen…'

'Bella.' He says quickly, 'I know that you're not…there. That we're not…like that. We can-'

'Stop.' I tell him, pressing my hand to my head. 'Just…stop.'

He goes silent and I swallow around the thickness in my throat, pressing my fingertips to my head.

I sigh. 'You…I…why do you have to make it so complicated?'

'I'm sorry.' Edward murmurs, 'I'm sorry Bella I was just…'

'I can't.' I tell him urgently, moving my hand to look at his face.

Green eyes meet mine and something twists in my chest.

'I can't…feel that about you.'

Edward's silent for a second, the only sound in the room our breathing.

'I…It's okay.' He finally says, his voice thick. 'I don't need you to love me, I just need you.'

A restlessness tingles across my skin and I get off the bed, pacing across the floor, my heart thumping loudly in my ears, an ominous drumbeat.

My fingers twitch and I pace faster.

'Bella.' Edward's voice is husky, 'please don't push me away. I know you're pissed I told you but-'

I snap my head to his.

He's looking down at the bed, eyebrows furrowed.

'I'm not…pissed at you.' I try to explain. His emerald eyes meet mine and a cold hand grips my heart, 'I just don't want…this.' I gesture between us.

I don't want complicated.

I just want…us.

He's mine and I'm his. Isn't that enough?

Edward swallows, his intake of breath sharp as those green eyes search mine.

I huff in frustration as I realise how my words sounded. 'No..I…' I sigh, moving to the bed and sitting in front of him. 'I want us – this...but not…' I grimace. 'I…I'm not very good at…expressing…things.'

'I noticed.' Edward says, his lips twitching a little.

I sigh in relief at the flicker of playfulness in his tone.

'Can't we just…be?' I beg him.

He reaches out and runs his warm fingers down my cheek, my skin short circuiting in their wake. 'Yeah, we can just be…' he searches my eyes, 'nothing has to change just because I'm in love with you.'

My traitorous heart lurches up into my ribs at the sound of those words coming from his mouth.

A rush goes through my chest, electrifying me and making my breath catch.

Edward cocks his head at me, a sparkle in his green eyes all of a sudden.

I clear my throat, 'It…'

Edward moves closer to me, his warm, soft lips barely brushing mine. 'I love you Bella.' He breathes. I shiver as another rush goes through me. He gently kisses my bottom lip, then places another at the side of my mouth, 'I love you so much baby.'

I feel like I'm falling off a cliff, a rush of adrenaline hitting me that makes my chest soar, my heart beating so frantically it feels like it's going to burst.

The feeling makes me want to laugh, to smile, to spin around in circles and kiss him until he's as breathless as he's made me.

Edward pulls back, his green eyes shining slightly, those deep emerald pools wide and open.

I look into them and my fall stops abruptly.

Hidden in their depths are promises that he could never keep.

Love that won't last.

I'm wrenched back to the top of the cliff, my stomach plummeting.

I dig my feet deep into the ground there, holding steady, a crushing weight laying across my chest and holding me down, keeping me from falling again.

I tear my eyes from his and look down, forcing my mouth into a tight line.

I can't.

Edward doesn't understand love yet.

How he feels right now, his love for me…

It'll fade.

It's why I can't let myself love him back.

Why I'll never love him back.

Edward's breathing halts a few times, like there's words on his tongue but he's not letting them out.

I wait for him to speak patiently, my eyes fixed on the white bedspread.

'I…I won't say it again, if you don't want me to.' His voice is hollow.

I feel a cold ache spread under my ribs, something sharp digging its claws into my heart and tearing at it, leaving deep gouges that sting and burn.

I blink, letting that excruciating pain grip me, letting it mask my face and my voice as I lift my head to meet his eyes.

'Please don't.' I say as gently as I can, a heavy weight settling on my chest.

Edward swallows, turning his head from mine quickly.

He starts to speak and then clears his throat, his jaw jumping.

When the words come, his voice grates like metal against metal, a wrenching scrape. 'Okay.'

My stomach twists and turns, the heaviness in my chest becoming unbearable, dragging me down to the floor like lead.

I don't want to hurt him, but this is better.

It's better.

For both of us.

Soon he won't feel this way anymore and he'll understand.

'Good.' I say quietly, moving closer to him. His eyes are closed and I run my hand through his soft hair, placing a kiss on his warm shoulder, then gently brushing my mouth over the cuts on his beautiful face.

I stare at him.

He doesn't move.

I open my mouth and then close it.

'A…are you in pain? Does it hurt?' I force out.

His voice is quiet. 'Yes.'

For some reason his words cause a sharp spike under my ribs, puncturing my lungs, piercing them, so each breath feels strained and burns.

'S…shall we sleep now?' I ask cautiously.

'Okay.' Edward mutters, lying back on the pillow, his body facing away from mine.

My hands shake as I go to turn off the light.

The room plunges into darkness and my heart starts racing, my eyes burning.

Does he want to leave?

Will he leave?

This is why I didn't want him to tell me.

Hot tears spring from my eyes and I reach out for him frantically.

'Edward.'

Instantly I'm being cocooned by his warm body, his arms wrapping around me tightly. 'Shh baby,' He soothes, 'it's okay.'

'Please don't leave.' I choke out. 'I'm sorry that I'm so…just don't leave.'

'I won't Bella.' He murmurs, kissing my cheek. 'I told you, all I need is you.'

My tears stop after a while and his body relaxes behind mine, his breathing evening out.

As I lie awake, staring at the shadows that loom in front of me, I realise that once again he's ended up comforting me when he's the one who needed comforting.

Maybe we're not toxic for each other, maybe I'm the toxic one.

Maybe it's not love that's ephemeral, it's loving me.

A/N: Poor Edward :( My heart does break for him. I know Bella is sometimes really cold, but give her time, she's feeling things, that's a good start.

How are you feeling? What are you thinking? Let me know in the reviews ❤️ Again, if I don't reply to them I'm so sorry, I don't understand why the system glitches for me when I try with some, and not with others. Come join the FB group Creaatingmadness, I'm super active on there!

I know we've been HEAVY on the angst the past few chapters, tomorrow's update might be a little sweeter, or more sour, depending on how you look at it ;)

Ella xx