Author's Notes: The title of this episode is the actual name of this CW Batwoman episode and does not necessarily reflect the views of the author towards this episode or the show in general. Unfortunately, this is a "fuck it" episode where most of the episode was modified.
Beth entered the Bat-Cave under Wayne Manor and put on the suit, careful to make sure she had all the gear she would need for this grand mission. She loaded up on Batarangs, projectile cable guns, grenades, magazines, and two pistols in holsters. She examined her armbands to make sure the edges were razor sharp. She put on her gloves, the one vulnerable area of the suit, and then placed the cowl firmly on her head.
Brainiac 5 curiously eyed her as she made her preparations. "You have decided," he realized.
"I'm not scared to die. I'm more scared I haven't lived. My mom told me I was put on this Earth for a reason and now I finally know what that is," Beth said resolved.
"I understand," Brainiac 5 replied.
"I can't promise you I won't kill Kate when I find her," Beth said seriously.
"A woman has to go her own way. A friend taught me that," Brainiac 5 allowed.
"Not just a friend, a partner," Beth said shaking his hand.
Beth walked deeper into the cave and turned on the lights showing the Batwing hanging up on the cave ceiling and the Batboat floating in a pool. "What do you suggest, Barney, by sea or by air?" she asked.
"If you go by boat, it will take you several days whereas, by air, it will take you several hours. Either way, you won't have enough fuel to get to Coryanna," Brainiac 5 said.
Beth frowned at this information. "Damn...it."
"I have a space cruiser that will help you get there faster. Once the Batwing detaches, you're on your own. I can't interfere," Brainiac 5 told her.
"Sure," Beth nodded.
"Do you have a written will you wish to give to Kara or Kate upon your likely demise?" Brainiac 5 asked.
Beth smirked at that. "No, I wrote one up just for you so I can be remembered in your databanks for all of eternity."
"A wise decision," Brainiac 5 said pleased.
At Mary's underground clinic, Ryan was about to stick herself with an adrenalin shot when Mary stopped her. "Holy shit, what the fuck are you doing? I'm the one practicing medicine without a license around here."
"I need a jolt and some painkiller," Ryan said simply.
"How did you even know about this?" Mary asked.
"Youtube...duh," Ryan said obviously.
"This will speed up cell decay by 300%," Mary scolded.
"I don't know. That sounds like bullshit," Ryan doubted.
"Look, I can't have another dead patient in this clinic or someone will come down here and bust my ass," Mary said self-absorbed.
"I'm dead already. Just give me the damn shot," Ryan demanded.
At the Crow's Nest, Brainiac 5 continued to impersonate Kate. She put in a request on 4Chan to find Coryanna. Within hours, the island was found. "I found Coryanna," she said casually to Sophie.
"Wait...what? How?" she asked dumbfounded.
"I got 4Chan to do it for me. An army of nerds used satellite imagery, ocean currents, shipping routes, and electromagnetic detection. Apparently, using a radar blocking device on your island creates a significant thermal anomaly in the Mediterranean," Kate said.
"Good work, Kate," Sophie said pleased and then went over to Jacob to tell him the good news.
"So, am I going?" Kate asked expectedly.
"No, you're staying here," Jacob ordered.
Jacob and Sophie then took off towards the airport.
Coryanna
The Vindicator cruiser dropped back down into the atmosphere into the Mediterranean airspace. The Batwing detached from the belly of the cruiser and sped towards Coryanna's location. "The island is blocking my radar," Beth reported.
"Switch to auto-pilot. I will guide you in," Brainiac 5 ordered.
The Batwing went straight for Coryanna eliciting an immediate response. SAM missiles fired at the Batwing as it came closer. The Batwing took evasive action and fired off flares causing the missiles to detonate prematurely or fall into the ocean. The Batwing made another pass with Gatlings guns firing at it from concealed positions on mountain cliffs. The bullets rattled the Batwing but couldn't penetrate its hull. The Batwing retaliated with its own machine gunfire. Bullets rained down on the anti-aircraft positions destroying the systems. Missiles hit the SAM systems destroying them.
Safiyah watched in horror as the Batwing went for another pass and deliberately fired on a field of Desert Rose flowers causing a firestorm. Several workers were consumed in the flames as the entire field burned.
"My roses!" Safiyah shrieked.
Beth parachuted down from the Batwing and landed on the island. The Batwing took off from the island and gracefully landed on the sea until needed again. "I made it," Beth radioed to Brainiac 5. She then saw the field of burning Desert Rose flowers. "I've never seen anything so beautiful in my life," she smiled as the field continued to burn.
Beth then lost comms as the island's jammers came back online. Several white-suited men, servants of Safiyah, ambushed her. "Hi, I'm Batwoman. Is Safiyah available? I know a gardener that can fix her field."
The men in white all attacked her at once with their blades. Beth evaded their strikes and quickly shot them all dead with her two pistols. She proceeded to reload and make sure they were all dead with a shot to the head. She then made her way towards Safiyah's palace.
Beth entered the palace lobby and was immediately ambushed by more men with automatic rifles. Beth kept her cool evading their fire and firing back in turn. She twisted and turned to avoid getting shot in her one vulnerable spot. She fired her pistols and reloaded in quick succession until she ran out of ammunition. She then picked up a fallen rifle and continued shooting until a dozen men were dead at her feet. Beth dropped the spent rifle and continued her way inside the palace. This lobby room was two floors with two stairwells. On the walls were several goddess statues and dozens of weapons of all kinds.
The doors opened as a royally pissed-off Safiyah and six Lesbian warriors confronted her. "You're not fooling anyone with that ridiculous outfit, Alice," Safiyah sneered.
"This outfit is more than enough to handle you," Beth said confidently.
"Handle us? You'll handle us? Your predecessor gave me much more respect," Safiyah said angrily and then motioned for her girls to blast her.
The six women fired automatic rifles of various calibers at Beth all at once until they ran out of ammunition. The bullets merely bounced off the suit as Beth shielded her face with her hand. After a strong volley of several hundred bullets, Beth dramatically let several spent bullets fall from her gloved hand. Her body was completely unharmed.
"That suit is bullshit," Safiyah spat.
Beth motioned for them to come forward to attack her. "Kill her," Safiyah ordered her warriors.
The diverse group of Russian, French, Japanese, Chinese, Mexican, and African Lesbians all attacked her at once. Beth evaded the Mexican and Japanese as they circled her and tried to get a kick on her. Beth caught the kick of the Mexican and threw her to the floor. She then kicked the Japanese hard into a goddess statue. The statue was split in half upon impact with the upper half falling on the Japanese Lesbian crushing her. The French dropped down from the stairwell with a trident and missed Beth entirely. Beth kicked the wooden trident staff splitting it in two. She flipped over the African's blade and the Russian's blade as she came down to kick the Chinese Lesbian's shield forcing her back. She then did a quick kick at the Russian's face in the same motion.
The Mexican sliced at Beth with two knives unable to get a hit. Beth backhanded her to the chest knocking the wind out of her, dodged the Chinese, and then elbowed the African to the side where she was suddenly hit to the face with a mace by the Mexican. The African Lesbian dropped to the floor with the mace implanted into her face. Beth fought off the Mexican, Chinese, and French all at once. Suddenly, the Russian swung her blade hitting Beth's gloved hand. Beth quickly kicked the Russian into a statue collapsing it.
Blood sprinkled the floor from Beth's gloved hand. Even Beth acknowledged the wound. "You see, she's human after all," Safiyah encouraged her remaining warriors.
As all four attacked at once, Beth used a projectile cable gun into a chandelier to get her up to the railing of the second floor. The French and Mexican were on her immediately with weapons. Beth blocked them both with her armbands and then flipped back to the first floor where she easily pushed the Chinese to the floor. Beth sliced and diced the faces of the Russian, French, and Mexican before blocking the recovered Chinese.
Beth leaped onto the stairwell to funnel the four remaining warriors. She furiously blocked the Russian's blade with her armbands and then knocked her down the stairs. The Chinese leaped at her with a sword only to be blocked repeatedly. Beth disarmed her of her sword and sliced through the Chinese's shield pinning her. Beth was about to make the finishing blow when the French attacked her with her trident. Beth jumped down from the stairwell back to the first floor and flipped over the Russian to avoid her blade.
Going up the second stairwell, Beth took up a sword from the wall and blocked the Russian and French causing a statue to collapse and fall down the stairs. Beth flipped onto the second floor and battled three warriors with her sword. The Chinese managed to unpin herself and went upstairs with a club. Beth stabbed the French in the gut and kicked her through the balcony to the first floor. Beth followed after her with a spear in her hand. Upon landing, the Chinese sliced her spear in half with her club. Beth fought the remaining three off with her two shortened staff. The Mexican accidentally ended up slicing through the Russian with her trident while the Chinese accidentally slammed her club into the Mexican. Beth quickly disarmed the Chinese of her club, kicked her to the floor, and then slammed the club down on her face with a sickening splat. All the Lesbian warriors were now dead.
"Damn it, woman, you will be the end of me," Safiyah muttered bitterly. "Mark my words well, girl. I've survived your predecessor. I will survive you," she spat and then ran out of the room.
Beth ignored Safiyah and went after Kate. She kicked a number of doors in and shot up some of Safiyah's guests. Finally, she came to the last door and kicked it open. Titania immediately tried to stab Beth but her blade broke on the suit. "Bitch, please," Beth kicked her back and then slit her throat with her armbands.
Titania fell to the floor and died of instant blood loos. Beth then turned to Kate, her sister, wearing black robes. Beth took out her pistol with one remaining round left. "I saved one just for you," Beth said as she pointed her pistol at her.
"I know what's been troubling you, Beth. Listen to me. Don't continue to be Kara's pawn. Ever since I've known you, you've been searching for a life greater than an assassin, a life of significance, of conscience," Kate beseeched her.
Beth hesitated to fire on her. Kate turned her back to her. "Are you going to kill me?"
"I would certainly like to," Beth admitted.
"I know you would. I can feel your anger. It gives you focus, makes you stronger," Kate acknowledged.
Beth finally lowered her pistol. "I'm going to bring you back. Kara can deal with you."
"Of course you should," Kate allowed. "But you're not sure of her intentions, are you?"
"At this point, I don't give a shit," Beth said as she placed her pistol back in its holster.
Kate turned to look at Beth. "Congratulations, you passed."
"No fucking way. I know you fucked Safiyah," Beth doubted.
Kate casually took out a knife, sliced into her arm, and ripped the skin clear off her arm. Beth eyed Kate's bloody mechanical arm. "Brainiac 5 Model 101 at your service," Brainiac 5 said as he placed a glove over his mechanical hand.
"So this was all a test to see if I would kill Kate or rescue her? Where's the real Kate?" Beth demanded.
"Did you really think I, of all people, really lost Kate's whereabouts? She's alive and safe," Brainiac 5 assured her.
"You were testing me and spying on Safiyah. Did Kara know?" Beth asked.
"No. She was just apathetic to Kate's fate," Brainiac 5 replied.
"You truly are the master," Beth said sarcastically.
"Your task here is done, my friend. Go back to Gotham," Brainiac 5 ordered.
"Before I go, I want to know one thing," Beth said as she got closer to him.
"Of course," Brainiac 5 said knowingly.
Beth kissed Kate's lips in a passionate embrace and then backed off. "I get why she's popular with them," Beth remarked.
"Indeed," Brainiac 5 agreed.
In the underground clinic, it appeared Ryan was going to finally die to her shoulder wound Beth had given her. All of a sudden her plant bloomed a Desert Rose. Mary eyed the sudden blooming with surprise. "What the fuck?" she wondered.
"Tell...Alice...I hate her," Ryan said weakly.
"You can tell her yourself. I can cure you now," Mary said giddily.
Jacob and Sophie arrived on Coryanna by helicopter after taking a long commercial flight across the Atlantic. They noticed the island on fire and many many bodies all over the place. The Batwing took off from the island and out of sight. "Well...shit," Jacob realized he had been beaten to the punch.
"Oh my God, what the fuck happened here?" Sophie wondered.
"Batwoman," Jacob grumbled.
Somewhere...
In an underground medical facility, the real Kate Kane's face was all bandaged up. "Let's see how we did," Brainiac 5 said as he began to unwrap her face. An overeager Kate frantically took off the bandages revealing wild long hair. "Mirror," she requested.
Brainiac 5 obliged her and handed her a mirror. Kate eyed her reflection for a few moments. "You must understand, the swelling will go away in time," Brainiac 5 assured her.
Kate began to laugh hysterically. "You must take into account I'm using 21st-century tools," Brainiac 5 said defensively. Kate continued to laugh as she stumbled around the room and then made her way upstairs.
Author's Notes: I might not be the only one that thinks the first eight episodes were a total waste of time with no pay-off. To be clear, the "real Kate" featured in episode 2x03 was also Brainiac 5. Finally, they have recast Kate which they should have done from the very beginning to avoid the rating's disaster. I honestly didn't know whether Safiyah really had Kate and simply planned for all contingencies. I think the writers need to realize that expressing 30 minutes of angst on whether to kill or not kill someone can be expressed with a genuinely emotional scene that only needs to last a minute.