Nine months later

Ryan's hands seemed unsteady when he tried to tie the necktie around his neck. Realizing he had done it wrong he untied it again and his hands seemed even shakier when he tried again.

"Hey. Come here." Ryan sighed deeply and when I took the two ends of the tie and tied it. "It's okay. I was sixteen before I could remember how to do this."

That last thing I said mostly to say something light in everything that was going on.

In just a few minutes it would be exactly one year passed since the water had come in over the land not far from where we were right now.

A few days before we stood there and wiping away invisible pieces of dust from our clothes, we had returned to Khao Lak.

I wanted to believe we no longer suffered from PTSD but if things only were so simple. And this time we had stayed in a hotel a bit further from the beach.

Still, sometimes when I looked over the ocean, I saw how it came towards land like a monster. It was far from every night nowadays but I still had nightmares.

When we just had to move to Berkeley, we had all pulled a sigh of relief we didn't see the ocean from our kitchen window anymore.

Then of course, Kirsten had to stay as still as possible for complications of the pregnancy and couldn't even have gotten back to Newport no matter how badly she might have wanted. So, it was either all of us staying in Berkeley or leaving her alone at the hospital until the baby was born.

The choice wasn't hard to make.

Then something amazing had happened in between the two that lived in our old house.

"I and Todd have been talking a bit. And we think, after everything that's happened now. Your son was even born in this house. We've all this time been living in between the houses of Seth two best friends'"

"What are you saying?"

"We think you're meant to be in this house."

So much had happened it would take me the rest of my life to go through everything and try and notice something that had caused everything.

Maybe- possibly- most certainly everything had started the day with the wave.

And now here we were. December 26th 2005.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes."

Ryan hadn't and probably would never lose his ways of always trying to make me believe he was fine.

"No, you're not." As if he needed it, I fixed with the collars of his shirt and blazer and then my own and then smiled at him but it didn't end up more than a half- hearted grimace. "Ryan. I know everything… no. I know I cannot imagine what you've been through the past year. But whatever's happened. And whatever will happen in the future, I want you to know how proud of I am. Of you and of having you in my family."

Something was telling me Ryan needed to hear this now, in what he was about to do.

Something else told me that there hadn't been a time that Ryan believed me as little as he did right now.

The most logic part of me knew that both of those theories were correct.

"Come on. It's time to go meet the others. Or we'll be late."

Flashback

"Finally."

Despite all the flying that had been done in between Berkeley and Newport lately, flying was not Ryan's favorite way to travel. And when we got off the plane in Khao Lak he couldn't help to let hear one final word after the hours and hours we'd spent on a plane.

I was about to say something, but then, now we were off the plane as I saw Ryan lift my daughter up from her carrycot and held her towards his chest I decided not to say anything and only watch them.

She had been born in July, two months premature but perfectly healthy despite everything that had happened. And the friendship in between her and Ryan was as strong as it could ever be in between a baby and a twelve-year-old.

"Sandy?"

I had almost forgotten what person we should be looking for coming from the gate when she called my name. I jumped not having been prepared and then towards her.

"Brittanie?"

She just sort of looked like another person than when I had seen her last. There was a sparkle in her eyes and color on her cheeks. She then smiled as we came closer.

"Hello again…" I hesitated for just one second and then hugged her. "Thank you so much for meeting us here… You all met before for going home but everyone, this is Brittanie. And Brittanie, this is my wife Kirsten and our children."

I was about to continue with the kids' names even though they'd all met briefly on our way back to Newport from Thailand. But she was faster than me.

"Nice to see you again. And it looks like to me, you have a little new member to the family. Who is this?"

I could never help but smile when I saw how she lied with her head towards her big brother's shoulder and see in Ryan's eyes how far he would be willing to go for her.

"This…." I answered at last. "…is Maya." As if she knew we were talking about her she mumbled slightly in her sleep. "Maya Mirielle Cohen"

"Hello Maya… Welcome to Thailand. And welcome to all of you. Should we go and get your bags and I'll take you to the most expensive hotel of the world…" She sent me a glance to show she was only half joking. "…I promise you won't have to pay a dollar…" She looked towards me again. "…not after what you did for me…"

I smiled slightly and remembered the very first time I had met her and my devastation when Ryan hadn't been Seth…

"I don't think it would be anything compared to what you did for us."

"And I think we could stand here all day and discuss who did the more. Let's go. Should I carry something?"

While Ryan held onto Maya, Kirsten held out her carrycot and she took it. I would have wanted to say something. During the time that had passed it had felt a billion things we'd have to say but for a long while. Until Brittanie had led us to her minivan.

"Are you sure you can dry this safely?"

Brittanie made a face at me and I the same to show her I was only joking. And soon we had somehow cleared out how we were supposed to put the children's seat in it.

"I know I told you about the hotel." Brittanie said to me when I sat in the shotgun seat and she started driving. "How it's called four B's and the slogan is better benefits beyond beautiful." I nodded even though she was driving and couldn't look at me. "And now, almost twenty years after I was born they added a B to the slogan."

"So what is the slogan now?"

"Breathtaking Better Benefits Beyond Beautiful. And then along with a new logo with five bees." With a sigh Brittanie leaned back slightly. "These streets are always so full every mile takes an hour. But that's good. That leaves a lot for dreaming about the future." I suddenly remembered something she had told me.

"Talking about the future. What do you do by now? Do you work at the hotel?"

"No." Brittanie answered and shook her head. "All I ever wanted was to be a nurse. And it took me a couple of months to get back to it but… I just couldn't change it. And now. Here we are"

At last, after all the slow moving through the streets of Khao Lak Brittanie pulled over in front of a prep- looking hotel. With a logo over the front doors, a painting of five bees, one big in the middle and two on each side.

"I think a friend of yours is here." Brittanie told me as we left the car. "He said he knew you. I think he's waiting in the reception."

I looked around coming through the revolving doors, for sure a man was waiting but it took looking at him for just a couple of seconds before I recognized him.

Then I did, sure when I saw him the last time his greying hair had been wilder grown and tousled and he'd been dirty from top to toe. But it was the very same man.

"Cliff?!"

It felt weirdly nice along with everything else to meet him. Even though we'd only been together for a couple of days but it felt like I had known him my whole life when I, after us both hesitating for a few seconds hugged each other.

"Sandy. I heard that you were coming. And Ryan? Do you remember me?" Ryan nodded slightly.

"Did you bring your family here too? Last time we met them was a bit… dramatic."

It was always hard trying to find the right words. Dramatic was the least to say but there just couldn't be ways to make it sound less terrible than it was.

"No. I'm here alone, With little Gabriel and everyone my whole family decided to stay home. But who is this little?" Cliff lifted his hand and stroke Maya's hand with his finger. "A new little person."

Cliff started talking to Kirsten and I took a moment to just look around the reception and every piece of Christmas merchandise that was around the reception- and there were loads. Just like there was everywhere during these days every year.

Yet, last year we hadn't known what was about to happen.

"Sandy?" Cliff's voice got me back to here and now. "Well. I couldn't say you're looking forward to it. But except for Christmas and the anniversary I'm guessing you're going to the memorial on Monday."

End of flashback

I and Ryan met up with Kirsten, Seth and Maya in the reception. I had expected Ryan to take Maya since that's what he usually did. But this time Maya stayed asleep in the carrycot she was lying in and Ryan didn't make any attempt to take it.

None of us said anything. When we came out on the street I had the feeling that everyone were quiet in remembrance of everyone that had died.

I looked to my clock; it was still a while until the first anniversary would be here…

Then, while we were just on the way in between the road and the beach. And suddenly I recognized the place we stood at now….

"Do you recognize this?" I froze and asked Seth and Kirsten. "I do." They looked around.

"This is where we lost each other in the wave." Seth said at last. "I recognize it. I managed to hold onto mum's hand but I lost yours. And we went further and further away." He looked down the street. "We went down this direction… I managed to hold onto mum but dad just disappeared."

Seth had said that quite some times the past years. But his voice still had the same tone when he said it and my heart broke just as much. And then, looking at Ryan and remembering what fate he had been met by.

"Do you remember?" Seth asked him. "Were you here?" Ryan nodded slightly. "Do you remember where you were exactly?" Ryan looked around.

"I-I don't remember." He stuttered at last. "I don't know."

It was so easy to think that while Ryan had lost Dawn and Trey, and after what had happened with Frank us Cohen's had been another, better type of family than the one he had had. But of course, while I knew only bits of what Ryan had been through during the first eleven years of his life.

But he was just a kid after all. A kid who loved his family- both of his families.

I looked around the place one more time, then kept on walking and my family came with me. I did notice it seemed the sand was harder for him to walk on than anything else but he didn't say anything about that. Just like he rarely spoke about anything that was bothering him.

People were standing in a long line a few meters from the water and some girls about twelve years old were running around and handing out roses.

Then one of them ran up to us, and I recognized her as Hathai, the girl we had met right after the wave and searching for our families. She took a rose, handed it to me.

"You're supposed to have one rose for every victim lost."

I looked to my family, felt one more time that gust of knowing how lucky I was to still have them here. I then shook my head slightly and patted Ryan back. He took two of the roses Hathai handed to him. She then disappeared into the crowd of all people here.

How many people were on this beach today? Hundreds?

How many had there been that dreadful day a year ago?

We went to stand in the line along the water. I looked to my clock, it was still a minute or two until the anniversary and I couldn't help but look around me. People were dressed up around, women wearing dresses of dark colors, men wearing tuxes- just like it was on funerals.

There were people sobbing and sniveling and hugging all around. This really was like one big funeral. Only much bigger and on a beach instead of a church.

For the billionth time, only since we had arrived in Thailand a couple of days ago I thought back. How we had arrived in Thailand a week before Christmas. How everything had seemed so bright and light and filled with everything one could love with Christmas.

How both I and Kirsten had worked so much the past few months we couldn't imagine anything better than long, warm days at the beach and hotels.

And now…

I had been so lost in my thoughts, when suddenly music started playing I jumped.

I hadn't noticed before. But behind the line of people we were a lot of locals had lined up about every tenth meter. Half of them had guitars and were playing. While the others were singing. I knew I knew the song very well. I would believe several other people among all of them here knew it too.

(Author's note: It's tears in heaven by Eric Clapton)

The second of the anniversary of the wave must be here.

I had it confirmed when I looked at my clock and saw it had passed.

Some people went right away down to the water and threw their roses in the water. One rose for every person that had been lost. Some people waited for a bit.

Some went alone, some other went together with a family, a partner or even friends.

Still it was a while until Ryan took a few steps forward and threw the first rose in the water I stood frozen watching him. He paused, held the second rose for a moment and only looked at it.

What went through his head I knew I could never have imagined.

At last he looked up, looked back towards the water scattered with red roses and threw his second and last one away.

For just a second he froze again, then at last he turned around and came back, then span around and watched again how red roses floated in the water.

The water was so still now. But I knew I could never forget the day and time it had turned into a monster.

It had only taken me a few seconds of telling what roses were for Dawn and Trey. But as for Ryan I couldn't tell. Maybe it was obvious for him which ones they were.

While local people kept playing the same song over and over behind us I laid my hand on Ryan's shoulder and stroke his shoulderblade with my thumb. And I had never wished so badly it could have helped.

I hadn't expected it to happened and I couldn't help but flinch when something suddenly changed. Ryan spun around, threw his arms around my waist and buried his face in my shirt before he started crying.

"Hey," I had been so unprepared it took me a second before I hugged him back with one arm and laid the other hand. "It's okay. It's going to be okay."

I suddenly realized what I was saying. Trying to say that things would be okay with all the people around me and all the roses in the water and I couldn't say anything else than that it was okay?

Of course it seemed like it to me. I had found Kirsten and Seth safe and sound.

But Ryan kept sobbing towards my shoulder. So what was I supposed to say?

"Sch, sch, sch." I whispered carefully and stroke his back. "Don't forget to breathe Ry."

Within seconds after he started Ryan stopped crying, or did he? Tears were streaming down his cheeks still streaming down his cheeks now but silently.

"Sometimes…" He started saying with a shaky, broken voice. Then pulled a deep breath and started over. "…sometimes I still don't understand what's happened. Sometimes I still expect for Trey or one of my parents to wake me up in the morning and I know I've been dreaming all of this… Sometimes I still feel like I'm going back to Chino any day."

Ryan paused, wiped his warm, wet cheeks with his hands and took another deep breath.

"I couldn't count all the times I've fallen out of bed when I forget about my leg and think I can just stand up like I would." I didn't know what to answer, but Ryan laughed shortly and I couldn't help but do the same. "…I know I seem annoyed and everything. But all the times you ask if I'm okay… I still like hearing it. So don't stop. Okay?" I couldn't help but smile. After all this time…

"I promise I won't."

"And I just…" Ryan raised from standing leaned against me at last. "I just wanted to say thank you."

"Ryan." I found a tissue in my pocket and handed it to him. "We're your family. You don't have to thank us."

For just a few seconds he was all quiet.

"Can you say that again? It was nice to hear."

I couldn't help but laugh again.

"Ryan. We're your family. You don't have to thank us for caring about you. And I promise you that that is the way it's always going to be. Especially that time you need the talk, or get your first girlfriend- no matter how embarrassed you are, we'll always be your family."

Ryan sniveled and the last few tears ran down his cheeks despite the smile that was forming on his lips.

I pulled him closer again and stroke his arm while we watched all the roses floating in the water.

"I can promise you though…" Ryan said after moments. "…I do not need the talk."

"Hey!" I said and faked being angry. "I need reasons to be an embarrassing dad so don't you dare ruin it for me."

As you can see I didn't leave any author's notes sat the beginning but I'll leave some here.

Thanks to stefaniacatioiu for reviewing.

Song
Tears in heaven- Eric Clapton

I did listen to a cover of this song writing the chapter. Made by Elton John, Mary J Blige, Rod Stewart, Pink, Josh Groban and more. It's on Youtube and the title is Tears in heaven tsunami relief video. It was made in January 2005 short after the tsunami.

Maya Mirielle is a name I decided on and noted in my phone in May 2019. She has nothing to do with Maya in the series.

I had the idea of the last line like five minutes before I wrote it. Hopefully it worked because I think it's funny and how Sandy just knows he'll have to be the embarrassing dad he should be.

Random fact

The last part where Ryan turns towards Sandy and starts crying is based on something from the series. Can anyone see which one it is? I'll post the answer in the author's note to the last chapter.

I have planned that moment ever since I started the story.

And then, now it's only one chapter left. See you then.