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18+

LVIII

I sit on my kitchen counter, resting my cheek on the top of Jasper's head. He's standing between my legs, leaning against me, eyes closed.

He's in his dark place.

It leeches off him in waves.

I hear footsteps and lift my head, my heart skipping as Edward steps into view.

He's wearing the clothes Jasper brought for him, the t-shirt a little too tight on his larger body, hugging his muscular torso in a way that makes my mouth dry. His hand sweeps his damp hair out of his vivid green eyes and his lips curve up at me.

I smile back at him.

He crosses the room, crashing into a chair, his legs falling wide open as he leans back.

The room becomes silent, but the silence is deafening.

Emotions hang heavy on the air.

Jasper is aching inside.

Edward is anxious.

For once, my fucked up emotional state is the most stable.

My cheek presses to Jasper's head again and he sighs, leaning back further into me.

He so rarely needs me like this, but when things are bad during the week, I'm all he has.

Alice can't sneak out, can't have sleepovers on weekdays, can't skip class, can't miss a single day of school. Her parents are overbearing, smothering, control freaks who love the fuck out of her.

Jasper's are rich assholes that barely notice him, and only care enough to stock the fridge.

Alice is treasured, Jasper is tolerated.

And Alice's parents hate Jasper, for all the reasons Alice loves him.

They allow the relationship, but Jasper's not welcome in their house and her parents make her jump through hoops to see him sometimes.

I gently wrap my arms around his shoulders, squeezing him as guilt floods through me.

Normally he would have come to me last night.

But Edward was here, so he didn't.

I wonder if I hadn't asked him to bring clothes for Edward, if he'd even have come at all and guilt twists deeper, permeating everything.

I squeeze my thighs around him and kiss his head, placing my hand over his heart.

Love you.

Jasper relaxes a little, his arm resting on my thigh and I feel a flicker of relief.

I glance up to watch Edward as I play with the bottom of Jasper's t-shirt, the cotton smooth under my fingertips.

His green eyes are unfocused, staring at something I can't see, his angular jaw jumping as he taps his fingers against the wood.

He's dreading going to school, but he can't hide away forever.

The tapping stops and Edward presses his hand to his face.

My stomach twists.

I'm torn.

Jasper needs me, but so does Edward.

How do I do both?

I glance at the clock on the wall and grimace. We have to leave for school in twenty minutes.

I nudge my head against Jasper's, and he moves from between my legs, walking across the room. One of the cabinets opens with a squeak, china clinking as he places a mug on the counter. I hop to my feet as he reaches behind the pasta and pulls out the whisky hidden there, the liquid glugging as he empties in into the mug.

Edward arches an eyebrow but doesn't say anything.

I take the mug from Jasper before he can put it to his lips, shaking my head. 'You promised her.'

Jasper sighs and I stare at the mug full of amber liquid and then the bottle. I could try and pour it back, but I can't be fucked and I don't want to waste it either.

Fuck it.

I toss it back, feeling it sear my throat.

'Aren't we going to school?' Edward asks me, an amused glint in his eyes.

'Yep.' I nod, walking up to him. He grabs the back of my thighs with his large hands and looks up at me. His hair is still slightly wet from the shower and he smells so good, his hands burning into my skin through my jeans.

Edward licks his bottom lip and tugs me closer, pulling me onto his lap.

I bend my head to kiss him, and he groans into my mouth, grabbing my ass as our tongues meet. He tastes like mint, and my lips burn a little. He sucks my tongue into his mouth, and I whimper, pulling back from him as he bites at my jaw.

I hear Jasper rummaging around in his rucksack, his keys jangling, and I turn my head to him. His eyes are stormy today, dark and chaotic pools of black and green and blue. He takes out a baggie with white pills in it and swallows one, chucking it at us.

Edward catches it and I twist back to face him. He arches an eyebrow. 'What is it?'

'Oxy.' I answer for Jasper, recognising the pill. I stroke his cheek softly, still flushed pink from the shower.

Desire burns hot in my belly.

He grabs my hand and kisses it before swallowing down a pill. He arches a brow at me. 'You want?'

I open my mouth, sticking my tongue out playfully.

Green eyes glint, his warm fingers teasing my lip before he places the pill on my tongue.

I grab his hand and swallow around his fingers, sucking them into my mouth. His eyes darken and he lets out a low chuckle that sears between my legs.

My lower stomach coils tight as his hand goes to my ribs, sliding under my shirt. I arch at the feel of his hot skin against mine and he leans his head into my ear and nips it.

I can feel him hard against my inner thigh, and I want to drag him upstairs again, then spend the day here, lying on the couch with both my boys.

But I can't.

We can't.

And Jasper needs Alice.

I sigh and Edward sighs back, kissing the hollow behind my ear.

I climb off his lap and Jasper leans back against the counter, playing with the black ring on his left hand.

'I'll be right back.' I say to them both.

I glance at Edward and then bite my lip. 'Jasper probably won't talk, so...'

Edward nods at me, leaning forwards and resting his forearms on the table.

I leave them to go shower.