So, there'll probably be about three epilogue chapters, depending on how things play out...

Anyway, ON WITH THE SHOW!

Ho-Hum and the Alien Visitation

A Hyperdimension Neptunia Fan Fiction

by Derald Snyder

Epilogue 1: Aliens Tour Lowee

*Lowee City Outskirts*

"Wow," Asseylum breathed out, "the snowy landscape is so beautiful..." She was dressed in a white fluffy winter coat, Urusei and Mikuru at her sides, the former in a freshly-cleaned kimono while the latter was wearing a red hoodie.

"It sure is," G Gundam nodded in agreement, wearing a lilac-colored coat over her other attire, while Wing had opted to wear his military uniform sans hat. "So peaceful after all that chaos in Lastation..."

"Hey, that wasn't my fault!" Noire spoke up with a blood-vein visible.

"No one is saying that it was," Neon stated calmly. "It was just bad luck..."

"Well, I'm just glad that Ho-Hum is gone now, so we don't have any more interruptions!" Haruhi spoke up.

"I 100% agree with you!" Neptune concurred with a wide smile. "The epilogue scenes are always the most fun! Um, so where are we headed anyway?"

"I think we're just following Neon's lead," Asseylum said.

"Oh, I know where she's going," Blanc muttered. Soon the group halted before a nondescript brick building, with a sign detailing various businesses nearby.

"This is the location of Samson & Co. Law Offices," Neon stated, "where Rei Ryghts works as a lawyer. If you get into legal trouble, I truly believe there is no one better in this nation..." Just then, a familiar figure exited the building, dressed in a long brown trench coat. "Ah, and speak of the devil..."

"Oh! H-hello everyone!" Rei Ryghts gasped in surprise. "I-I d-didn't know the Animenga d-delegation was here already..."

"Bad experiences in Lastation," Haruhi deadpanned, causing Noire to groan. She then explained what happened...

"O-oh my! Well, I'm g-glad you d-deleted that virus before it c-caused a nuclear holocaust," Rei said. Just then, a large well-built man with spiked yellow hair came up behind her, a gray coat thrown over his suit. "Oh, everyone, this is my boss, Bartholomew J. Samson. H-he's the one who t-taught me everything I know..."

"Well met, Animenga delegation," Bartholomew nodded with a smile. "Ah, Miss Evangelion! I assume you've been well since your acquittal?"

"Yes, thank you," Neon bowed in gratitude. "This is my goddess, whom you would know as Haruhi, and this is Princess Asseylum of the Vers Empire."

"Hiya!" Haruhi waved.

"Yes, nice to meet you," Asseylum said as she walked up to the lawyer duo. "Allow me to express my gratitude for helping Oracle Neon out of a tight spot. It would have caused significant tensions between us, to say the least..."

Rei squeaked and blushed in embarrassment, while Bartholomew stated, "Ah, you must be the alien princess I've seen on television. An honor to meet you in person, Your Highness." He walked up and took Asseylum's hand, chastely kissing it, causing her to blush and giggle.

"Um, but why did you hire Miss Ryghts as a lawyer, given she was a villain?" Mikuru asked.

"Well, would you believe I literally picked her up off the streets?" Bartholomew replied. "I recognized her almost immediately, but I could also tell she was cold and absolutely miserable... so I took the risk and brought her to my office, and heated up some instant ramen for her. And once she opened up and told me her story, I decided to take pity on her and hire her as my legal assistant. One of the best decisions I ever made, in hindsight."

"A-and I'll always b-be g-grateful to you f-for giving me a chance, Mr. Samson," Rei said with a nod and smile.

"Are there's a lot of defendants who're grateful as well, me included!" Neptune beamed. "And I'm sure Nep Jr. would say the same if she were here!"

"She's busy trying to get her robo-double back in working order," Haruhi supplied.

"Oh, I see," Rei nodded.

"By the way," Haruhi then said, "I missed seeing your HDD when you took your sister to prison... how is she, anyway?"

"W-well, she's agreed t-to plead g-guilty to p-petty theft... five to t-ten years with p-possibility of p-parole. At least that's the usual p-penalty for a repeat offender..." She then swallowed nervously. "A-are you really sure you want t-to see my HDD form...?"

"Yeah, I am," Haruhi crossed her arms.

"I'm curious to see it myself," Asseylum concurred.

"Well... a-all right, b-but d-don't say I d-didn't warn you..." Rei sighed in resignation, Bartholomew promptly backing off a few feet. "Access!" She was engulfed in a pillar of light, fading to reveal her skimpy double-horned goddess form.

"Geez, you almost look like a cyber-succubus," Kyon commented. "Definitely a final boss look..."

"I know, right?" Chaos Heart deadpanned, floating a few inches off the ground. "Not to mention the temptation to just grind all maggots and peons like you beneath my heel... though at least I can keep that compulsion in check nowadays."

"It helps that you don't have that evil energy from Darksty that made you lose your mind," Neptune stated.

"Dark-sty?" Asseylum pondered.

"Her name is Croire," Vert explained. "She's a recorder fairy like Histoire, excepts she actively interferes in events to entertain herself. Fortunately, she's currently imprisoned by Neptune's Ultradimension counterpart..."

"Oh, yeah I remember her notebook talking when we were in Plutia's Planeptune!" Haruhi recalled. "So that was Croire, huh? Well, let's hope she doesn't get loose anytime soon..."

"Yeah, we can all agree on that," Noire nodded.

"If that book-worm ever shows her face in front of me again, I'm going to rip out all her little pages one-by-one and then burn whatever's left!" Chaos Heart growled, emitting a murderous aura.

"Rei, please, try and get a hold of yourself!" Bartholomew insisted. "Besides, didn't you have something to give to Lady Uni?"

"Huh? Oh, right!" Rei abruptly reverted to human. "Right, th-that written apology from Tenten! I-I'll be right back!" She promptly turned and dashed back into the building, returning a few minutes later with a sheet of notebook paper. "Here you go, Uni..."

"Thanks," Uni nodded, stepping forward and taking the apology from Rei, reading it over. "Huh... nice calligraphy, but a bit long-winded... like she was trying to be too polite."

"Kinda like Rei when I first met her," Neptune mused. "Guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, huh?"

"So, when she serves her sentence, will she join you here at your office?" Mikuru asked.

"Um, well, th-that's not my d-decision t-to make..." Rei looked over at her mentor.

"I think we could hire her on a temporary basis," Bartholomew pondered. "At least until she gets on her feet... she could help with paperwork, and cleaning the toilet..."

"Oooh, yes, cleaning the toilet! That would be right up that maggot's alley! I'm sure she'll get plenty of practice with that in prison!" Rei chuckled sinisterly, rubbing her hands in glee.

"Aaaand she lapses back into villainous mode again," Neptune deadpanned.

"Just be glad she's on our side now," Kyon added. "So, what's next on the tour?"

"Where else?" Haruhi grinned, before snapping her fingers...

*Kyon's House*

"Ta-daaa! Home sweet home!" the alien goddess exclaimed.

"Dammit, let us know next time before you do that!" Blanc growled.

"You get used to it after a while-tcha," Urusei deadpanned.

"Yeah, I know what you mean, going here, there, anywhere," Kyon snarked. Just then, the door opened, a small ten-year-old NPC girl running out. "Imouto?!"

"Big brother! You're home!" the little NPC cried happily, hugging Kyon around his leg. "I really missed you!"

"Aw, is this your little sister?" Haruhi walked up to the siblings. "Hi! I'm Haruhi, remember me when I called your parents from Planeptune?"

"Yeah! You made Kyon all colored!" Little Sister nodded. "Can you color me, too? Please? Pretty please with cherry on top?"

"Aww, how can I say no to such a face?" Haruhi giggled, pressing a finger to Little Sister's head, who immediately was awash in a rainbow of colors, settling into brown hair exactly like her brother's, matching eyes, wearing a pink coat over an orange shirt with a blue heart-patterned skirt. "There you go!"

"Yay! I'm colored like you now, Kyon! Isn't that great?"

"Yes, I'm happy for you, Imouto," Kyon smiled as he bent down and patted his sister on the head. "Oh, and this is Lady Blanc, and her sisters Rom and Ram."

"H-hello there!" "Hiya!" Rom and Ram greeted respectively.

"Wow, you're twins! That's so cool!" Little Sister ran up to them. "Do you think we could play sometime?"

"Not today, but sure!" Ram agreed. "Snowball fights are always fun with more people!"

"I beat Kyon all the time in snowball fights! I'm too fast for him to get me!" Little Sister asserted.

"Oh, I could get you if I wanted," Kyon taunted back. "I just don't like to see my little sister cry, that's all."

"I don't cry!" Little Sister whirled on her brother.

"What about that time you slipped on an ice puddle and fell on your face?"

"But... but that hurt! You'd cry too!"

"Grown men don't cry," Kyon shook his head.

"Yeah, you'd just say 'ouch' and then snark about it," Haruhi joked, causing Rom and Ram to giggle.

"Well, I'm surprised an alien goddess took such an interest in our son," a male voice spoke up, the group turning to see two adult NPCs. "We don't need to be colored in, by the way."

"Hey, that's fine. It's your decision," Haruhi nodded, putting her hands behind her back. "Nice to meet you in person, Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Sorry for taking Kyon away for a while..."

"Well, you brought him back in one piece, that's what matters," Kyon's mother said with a slight nod. "Did you catch those people who tried to kidnap him?"

"Yeah, we got 'em all," Neptune spoke up. "It was all just a big false flag operation by my second-best friend, anyway..."

"Which she better be punished for, after all the hell she put us through!" Blanc asserted angrily.

"Yeah, yeah, she'll get her due, don't worry 'bout it," Neptune sighed. "I like Iffy, but she went waaaay over the line this time. At least I know my first-best friend Compa would never do something like that."

"Not like she has the brains to pull off something like that, anyway," Noire deadpanned.

"Oh, so she's the stupid-but-pure stereotype, huh?" Haruhi commented. "Nothing wrong with that, mind you..."

"I've met a few people like that-cha," Urusei nodded.

"So, are you dropping John off, or is he staying with you longer?" Kyon's mother asked.

"Well, Neon and I are gonna be leaving soon, and I'd like for your son to see us off," Haruhi demurred. "And then Blanc can take him home afterwards. Sound good?"

"I suppose that's fair," Kyon's father nodded in agreement. "She has been treating you well, John?"

"Yeah, for the most part," Kyon shrugged. "I admit I socked her in the face once, but that was just to convince a guy I hadn't been brainwashed by the evil alien god," he drew out the last phrase, causing his little sister to burst into giggles.

"Speaking of which, didn't you fake an abduction in Lastation or something?" Kyon's father asked.

"Yeah, it was just to try and help the people there get over their xenophobia," Haruhi shrugged. "No one was in any real danger or anything, it was all scripted."

"Once we're finished touring here, we're going to sign a non-aggression pact between the nations of Gamindustri and the Vers Empire," Asseylum spoke up. "So you won't have to worry about an actual invasion any time soon."

"Well, that's good to hear," Kyon's father deadpanned.

"Oh, so that's where you get it from, huh?" Haruhi looked over at Kyon with a smirk. "Apple not falling far from the tree and all that?"

"I guess," Kyon shrugged, causing another giggle from his sister.

*Later, at Iris Field...*

"Why are we walking out here again?" Wing Gundam asked.

"This is where Ma'nabatea first arrived," Neon replied.

"Yeah, where she first descended in all her glory," Neptune stated. "And way too big and bright for us to comprehend..."

"Which got Koizumi's attention and mine," John Smith added. "That's how we first met... Koizumi's a member of the Lowee Guild, by the way."

"I see," Asseylum nodded. Soon, Haruhi's throne came into view... "Oh! I remember that throne, you were sitting in that when you first showed yourself to Father... I think he was jealous that your throne was taller than his," she giggled.

"I kinda did that on purpose, to mock him," Haruhi shrugged.

"Oh, so THAT'S why," Kyon muttered. "So you make sure His Royal Majesty behaves himself?"

"I told him, as long as Neon's home planet and people were treated fairly, I didn't care what else he did," Haruhi explained. "Once I explained to him what had happened there, he agreed to my terms without complaint. Whether it was out of the goodness of his heart, or fear of getting turned into primordial ooze himself, I don't know and don't care."

"Well, he surely can't be that bad, given his daughter's disposition," Vert nodded to Asseylum.

"Um, by the way, Your Highness..." Mikuru spoke up nervously. "A-are you going to appoint an ambassador of sorts for this world?"

"Of course, once the pact is signed," the princess nodded. "Wait... are you volunteering, Mikuru?"

"I... I really like it here," Mikuru nodded. "And though I'm your retainer, I feel like I don't really do much, even though you call me friend... I-I just want to be useful for once."

"I never thought of you as useless," Urusei shook her head.

"Me neither, but I understand where you're coming from," Asseylum mused. "What do you think, Lady Haruhi?"

"Well..." Haruhi bit her lip. "Honestly, I would have preferred Kyon for that position, but he's still in school and all... so yeah, Mikuru could take the position, at least until Kyon graduates."

"Gee, thanks," Kyon deadpanned. "I mean, I'm kinda flattered, but don't I get a say in this?"

"Y-you don't want to?" Haruhi grimaced.

"I didn't say that... I just don't want it forced on me, that's all," the ex-NPC pointed out. "You know, everyone back home, except maybe Dragon Ball, toes the line for fear of incurring your wrath, and your Oracle's basically a loyal lapdog- no offense."

"None taken," Neon said.

"Oh, so you think I have difficulty dealing with someone who says 'no' to my face, huh?" Haruhi put her hands on her hips.

"Look, all I want is the choice to say yes or no, is that so hard?" Kyon insisted. "Seriously, are you that desperate to see me again?"

"What th- HEY!" Haruhi's face reddened a bit, causing chuckles among the Animenga delegation. "S-stop laughing, all of you, or it's a penalty!"

"Yeeeeah, I think it's pretty obvious you got a crush on this kid," Neptune sighed. "You're just a few clicks away from being as tsundere as Lonely Heart here..."

"HEY! Don't use me as an example!' Noire protested.

"Sorry, but if someone were to look up 'tsundere' in the dictionary, they'd find your picture for sure," Neptune piled on.

"She's not wrong..." Uni nodded.

"Geez, even my own sister's throwing me under the bus?!" Noire complained.

"Okay, okay, fine! I like him! I admit it!" Haruhi threw up her hands in surrender. "It's nice to have someone I can talk with that's not afraid I'll erase them if they twitch the wrong way, or is a complete muscle-head like DB! Speaking of which," she snapped her fingers, Dragon Ball and Uzume suddenly appearing nearby, the former having the latter in a headlock.

"Hey, what's the big deal, interrupting our spar?!" Uzume demanded.

"Well, I think it's about time for your rival to head on home with us," Haruhi said with no remorse. "After all, what about your family, DB?!"

"Family...? Oh crap, that's right! My husband's probably worried sick!" DB gasped, dropping Uzume into the snow. "And I gotta make sure my youngest son's eating all his vegetables!"

"Wait, you're married with kids?!" Uzume grunted as she stood up, brushing snow off herself. "You never told me that!"

"Ah-ha, sorry, guess it never came up," DB grinned sheepishly with a hand behind her head. "I mean, I can always come back some other time, you know..."

"...well, fine by me," Uzume sighed. "Soo, how did you and your husband meet? Did you maybe save him from a big bad dragon or something? Or maybe an evil overlord! I bet it was one of those super-duper lovey romantic scenes!"

"Uzume, you're doing it again," Neptune sighed.

"Uh, no, actually we met in a big martial arts tournament," DB replied. "I think he was surprised that there was a woman so much stronger than him, and he kinda crushed on me after that..."

"Right, well, I think we've drawn out this farewell long enough," Haruhi said as she walked up to her throne, turning and sitting down. "Come on, Neon, DB, time to go..."

"Well, can you leave without reverting to your true form?" Vert requested. "We don't need to give John Smith here a heart attack..."

"I don't freak out that easily..." Kyon sighed, putting his hands in his pockets. "I already saw her mask anyway..."

"Nah, Vert's got a point. I'll wait 'til we're clear of the atmosphere," Haruhi assented, DB and Neon joining her at her sides, the latter reverting to her true angelic form. "Well, I'll be back some day! Mikuru, you be a good ambassador, okay? The princess and I'll be counting on you!"

"Y-yes, Lady Haruhi!" Mikuru bowed and smiled. With that, Haruhi's mask appeared on her face, she and her throne taking on an ethereal glow before she and her two companions shot up into the sky, disappearing into a twinkle in an instant.

"Farewell, Ma'nabatea," Asseylum said as she and the others watched them go.

"Bye, DB!" Uzume waved. "Okay, now can we get inside? I'm starting to freeze here! I know I'm hot-blooded, but that only goes so far!"

"Here," Neptune pulled up her parka dress, revealing a sweater and short-shorts underneath. "You can put this on until we get indoors, and then I want it back! I mean, if it was just us CPUs, we'd just transform and fly off, but..."

"Speaking of that," Blanc suddenly transformed, "I gotta get John Smith home. I'll see you back at the Basilicom, okay Rom, Ram?"

"Okay!" Rom nodded.

"And tell your little sister we'll come over and play after the other aliens go home!" Ram said to Kyon.

"I'll let her know," Kyon nodded as White Heart picked him up, the two flying off.

*To be continued...*

Next will be the signing ceremony.