POV: Jordan
Rumors are like wildfire, a constant battle between the truth and the lies. Words and ignorance are just more fuel to flames, more kindling and gasoline to light up the world. They spread quickly, never caring about who they hurt, or who they're even about. There was no turning back when one was said about you, no switching personalities and no hiding from them. They would consume you and burn up everything inside you. There was nothing you could do to stop them. You could yell, scream, do whatever you wanted, but smoke would still fill your lungs. You would cough, run away, but it always found its way back.
The rumors, the whispers and murmurs filled the halls, but they weren't about me. The careless whispers, the faint gasps, unwavering and never ceasing. I was stuck in the crossfire, although it was partially my fault for even attempting to fix what had happened. It wasn't my fault he was beaten by a cop, thrown to the ground bleeding. Still, maybe if I had stayed that night, none of it would've happened.
Did I tell you? That's what the rumors were about, Alex. He could say he was fine, but everyone knew it wasn't true. And so, those lies he spun like a thin spiders web, finally caught the flies. Those files though were the bitterest flies ever; cops and Brittney.
It was all over the news, although nobody was shocked to see it. There was this collective scoff when his name showed up, when his face flashed onto the screen. His dad was in the background, hiding him away from the news reporters and paparazzi. He was becoming famous, but not in the way anyone would've expected.
He was the first carnivore who told someone about his plight. Now I know that seems stupid to think about, but you need to understand the world we live in. It isn't kind to carnivores, hell, everyone just wished we were dead. No, Alex told his dad about what happened, who in turn, contacted the correct authorities. The information was kept a secret for a while, nobody really knew what happened...well, except me.
Still, the world was cruel to anyone who tried to climb out of their social status. The charges against the husky cop were null and void, the lack of evidence always becoming a problem. Alex never told us who else was with him, he never spoke about the incident. He wasn't even at school for us to talk to, his phone was shattered, although I'm pretty sure he had gotten a new one. Texts were left unread, calls weren't returned and he faded out of everyone's minds.
He stayed in mine though, he was never going to leave mine.
Steven sighed, pushing his tray of food out of the way. "We kissed, you know?" I smiled a little, already half suspecting that was the case. "He doesn't answer my texts, he doesn't answer my calls. I'm-I'm starting to wonder if it meant nothing."
I touched his shoulder lightly. "I'm sure it meant the world to him."
He stared off into the distance, seemingly lost in his thoughts. I wondered what was going through his head, who he was thinking of, what he was thinking of. It was getting harder and harder to keep him happy since Alex was gone. He hadn't been gone for that long, but his parents decided to keep him after the break...nobody really got a reason as to why.
Steven laid his head on the table. "December was the longest month ever. I just wish I got to spend more of it with him."
"Yeah...me too." I slumped back in my chair, taking a deep breath and observing the animals around me. Ever since Nathan's little comment when we were at the coffee shop, I started to pay more attention to things. I figured it would've been better to know everything there was about everyone.
Steven lifted his head up, resting his head on his palm. "Do you think he still likes me?" Whenever he talked about Alex, his voice always rose a little bit, just a tad. I don't suppose most animals would've noticed, it was subtle, but I caught onto it.
"Why wouldn't he?" I said, using the tactics Mom used to console me whenever I was depressed. A slight lowering of the voice, making it soft and leaning into the phrase with a little head movement. It always got me to spill everything, and Steven was an easy egg to crack.
He sighed, his eyes flickering from someone in the back, to mine. They were captivating, golden brown, a lighter contrast from his otherwise darker fur. I wondered how soft it would feel to the touch. Was it coarse like Alex's, or softer than silk?
"Well...like I said, we kissed-but something else happened." His eyes lit up, a smile on his brown face. Then his ears immediately flattened and his eyebrows creased, either embarrassment or shame flooded his body. I couldn't tell which.
"What else happened?" I said, picturing them someone alone making out or doing something else. I had joked to Alex a couple of times about having sex with him, but I didnt think he'd actually do it.
His voice grew soft. "He kissed me back, and it felt like the whole room was spinning. It was amazing. I tore off his shirt, then I took off mine."
I think I know where this is going.
Steven continued. "He grabbed me and turned me over so he was on top of me. Then he kissed me again and again. And the most amazing...sorry to say this but, erotic growl escaped his mouth. It practically vibrated my whole body." He sighed. "But then he stopped, and I could see fear in his eyes. I didn't know at the time what it was about, so I just assumed he was scared about it being his first time. I didn't know what the real reason was."
The only words I could say were, "I'm sorry." What else were you supposed to say? You get caught up in a moment, desperately wanting something more to happen, then it shatters before you. Not a whole lot you could do to change what happened. The past was set in stone, pulling the sword only left you with pain and agony.
So I did the only thing I knew I could do, pretend and fake. "Call it what you want," I said, "but I think it's love." I smiled, broad and shiny.
"If he truly loved me, he would respond to my texts-to my calls. I'm tired of calling him and hearing his voicemail, the only time I get to hear from him."
His eyes widened for a second and he nudged his head behind me. Confused, I looked behind me. A cheetah was approaching, long slender legs with piercing yellow eyes. For some reason, felines always had yellow eyes, I never understood it.
She came closer to our table, smoothing out her suit jacket and smiling at me. "You must be Jordan," she said, her voice slightly ringing in my ears.
"Yeah," I responded.
"It's nice to finally meet you." She gestured towards the end of the cafeteria. "Do you mind? I'd rather have this conversation with you in my office."
Steven stood up, his tail on autopilot behind him. "Ill cya later Jordan." He waved goodbye to the cheetah and me. When he walked away, a twinge of sadness filled my eyes and my stomach.
I turned my head towards the cheetah, forgetting the sunken pit in my body. "Who are you exactly?" I asked, standing up and following her out of the cafeteria.
Her tail flicked in the air, almost ballerina like. "My name is Jennifer Carter, we'll talk more in my office."
Animals stepped out of our way, pressing their backs against the red lockers. A couple of them snickered at me, others backed away out of fear. Did they know something about this cheetah that I didn't? Was there something underneath her that I would have to uncover, just like Nathan.
I prayed to whatever God that wasn't the case. Dealing with another psycho animal would only make my life worse, plus it distracted me from Alex. He was the only animal I needed to be concerned about, the only animal that was worth staying up late and constantly pondering different situations, different conversations that could've played out differently.
"Just one question," I said, stopping in the middle of the hallway.
She turned towards me, a smile on her face and said, "yes?' In a voice that sounded scarily like Mom's.
"You're supposed to be Alex's therapist, so why are you concerned with me?"
She clicked her tongue, crossing her arms with a sense of the dramatic. "I've heard some interesting things about you, Jordan. Mostly from our Student Council president...and a certain hyena named Nathan. I'm sure you've heard of both of them." She uncrossed her arms, a triumphant smile that held confidence and...something else. "But, let's not talk about that here, where everyone could hear us. You never know whose ears are listening." She spoke loud and clear, clearing her throat, probably in a way to scare off potential eavesdroppers. "Let me grab that from my office and you can be on your way." She winked at me and I followed in her footsteps.
We stepped into her office together. It was much cleaner than Mrs. Bakers, with neat pencils in cups and her degrees in a line on her wall. A weird sense of "I'm better than you," filled the air with the amount of pictures of the cheetah smiling with professors and apparently, accomplished animals. They must've not been that popular if I had never heard of them.
The cheetah clapped her hands together, her dark red claws lacing together as she made her way over to her office chair. She pointed to the chair opposite of her desk. "Please, do sit. We have much to discuss."
I did as she said, crossing my legs over my black skirt and trying my hardest to determine anything from her gaze. Eyes were the gate of the soul, or at least I thought so. They told me so much about someone, but sometimes animals held their gaze so well, that nothing could be determined. This cheetah appeared to be that type of animal.
The cheetah spoke, turning over a wooden plaque with her name engraved on it. "It's a shame what has happened to your friend. I'm sure you know every detail?" Asking it as a question only meant I had two responses: yes or no. Lying was a good option, but I didn't know how long I could keep up the charade of head nods and a blank stare for long. She would eventually ask a question which would've destroyed my resolve.
"I know bits and pieces," I said cautiously, like I was concealing my true intentions through a thick fog.
"Bits and pieces?" Her voice broke though like a lantern, dismissing the fog. "So you know that he'll be returning to school next week?"
"Yes." I said it a bit too quickly, cursing at myself in my head for my horrible margin of error. What I had said was a complete and utter lie. Alex hadn't talked to me about returning to school. For all we knew, his phone was still broken...or at least, that's the excuse he gave us.
"Good," she replied. "Glad you're up to date." She folded some papers. "Which leads me to another topic. Alex will be coming to my office every tuesday, although he is welcome to come and talk to me whenever he wants. This, he already knows."
"Then why are you telling me?" It was getting easier to be upfront with adults, especially one that held so many secrets. "I don't even know your name."
She pointed to her wooden plaque. "You can read, can't you?"
I sat up, straightening my back and narrowing my eyes. "I'm well versed in the English language."
Her dangerous smile returned, a slight flutter of the eyes. "Glad to hear it."
"Anyways," she continued. "The reason why I wanted to talk to you was because you appear to be very close with the wolf in question."
"He has a name, you know."
She waved her hand. "Yes I'm aware of his name, Alex. We met two months ago, there's no way I could have forgotten it."
Seems to have slipped your mind though.
"He is my concern yes, but right now I'm focused on you. Since he is returning, I- we need to make sure that the animals he will be around are mentally stable."
"I'm the spitting image of mentally stable," I said with false bravado in my voice.
She chuckled. "No you're not. I've seen your files, the principal has given me clear instructions on how to deal with you. He's not the most progressive principal this school has seen." She sighed, her eyes everted mine and glanced towards the 'Vote for Jordan' poster she amazingly had pinned to her wall. "You were right, you know? About mental health and how we need to be more aware of it. Out of all the animals in this school, nobody could have done it like you did. Your campaign videos were spectacular, the clear line between what you wanted the school to see and what you saw in yourself made the videos all the more intriguing."
"What did you think about them exactly?" I asked, wanting to drag on the conversation about me, maybe I would be saved by the bell.
She stood up, musing in the fact that she got the chance to think, and probably talk to someone who she thought was on her playing field. "You portrayed this fearless animal who didn't care about what others thought. You let the thoughts simmer in the minds of the students, releasing another one which only solidified that fact. Then, after your little speech which shocked the school, you released another one. One which was more vulnerable, showing your soft sides and having Alex be a part of it. Which might I add was an excellent choice." She clapped her hands together, although it didn't feel like she was praising me. "Bravo. I do hope you continue this campaign, you seem to have a knack for this type of thing."
She definitely was an interesting animal. Using words and phrases that were common, but also adding her own little flare to the larger words. She sounded sophisticated and regal, but somehow, also in tune with the younger generation.
Maybe I was thinking too hard about it.
"Mrs. Carter, right?" I said. She nodded her head, fixing her gaze back to me. "What...exactly is happening to Alex?" My breath caught in my lungs and I pushed down the lump in my throat.
She sat back down. 'To put it bluntly, he will be returning to school. Our... glorious principal wants him to be surrounded by mentally stable animals so he doesn't relapse. If only he knew that was scratching the surface of mental illness. Alas, that is the predicament we find ourselves in."
I folded my hands together. "Right...and what exactly do I have to do with this? I mean, I understand that I'm his friend and whatever, but I'm nobody special."
"Ah, quite the contrary Ms. Anderson. You are the most special animal we have at this school. As you know, students are selected to join this school. I'm sure you remember your intermediate graduation?"
"Of course I remember it, it was horrible. I had to stand up in front of the whole school and tell them I'd be going to one of the most petty schools the country has to offer."
She shifted the glasses on her face. "Well, know this, you were selected for a reason. It's clear to me why you were chosen to join this school. You've shown exemplary performance across the board, and not just in the classroom...but let's get back to Alex, shall we?"
I believe so," I said, eyes occasionally glancing back to the clock.
"Great. I need to evaluate your mental health, and the mental health of the German shepherd Steven, the red fox Dalton, and the spotted hyena Nathan." She took out a clipboard from underneath her black sleek desk. "It's just a couple of questions; you can answer honestly, or lie, either which doesn't matter to me."
You don't want to do this either, do you?
Her red claws tapped against the desk, for a feline and one of her status, they were long and untrimmed, much different from mine. But I liked being different than other animals, I liked showing that I wasn't the carnivore everyone thought I was. Of course, the reputation of having Alex as a friend did have its downsides, but I didn't care about that.
There was this one question though, the question of who exactly was this lady? There was no doubt in my mind that she was trying to help, but for whose cause? Who was she trying to help? She couldn't have been much older than Mrs. Baker, maybe even a little bit younger from the bright coloration of her yellow fur. I was practically a master in feline biology, being one made judging others much easier. But there was just something I couldn't shake about this woman. Maybe it was the way her claws were painted red, or how she acted calm and collected, going over a topic which everyone found controversial. Maybe it was her openness, or lack thereof.
"Jordan?" Mrs. Carter said, removing me from my thoughts. "We do have business to get to, I do hope you're not having second thoughts about being Alex's friend."
What a weird thing to say.
She continued, her smile finally waning just a little bit. "Back to your mental health. I was told you suffered from some form of PTSD, which I hope does not make a recurrence."
How could I not forget about my PTSD episodes? The screaming on the bathroom floors, the tears mixed with hallucinations of blood. I was never going to forget them, forget seeing Alex on the floor. They were gone-the hallucinations. But even still, when I looked into a bathroom, or just walked past one, shivers and chills explored every inch of my body. To say I wasn't ashamed of it would be a complete lie, I hated feeling that way, and I hated how it was always about Alex, never about anyone else.
My tail flicked behind me, hitting the legs of the chair. I absentmindedly tugged at my black leggings, fanning out my jacket-not because I was hot, but because I had no idea what to say. "I hope they don't," I said, returning my breathing normal, not even knowing I was holding it.
"Well you appear to be in a better place as of right now. Humor me a moment." She shifted in her seat. "Does Alex have any other wolf friends, or any other animal that he might deem as a," she cleared her throat, "partner?"
Usually in this situation, my mind-my mouth would've said the first words that came to my mind. But not anymore. Now was the time for me to think, for me to take three seconds and find the perfect words that would've given her no inclination that Alex, in fact, did have a lover.
"Partner?" I said. "No, he doesn't act that way towards anyone." I made a mental note to tell Steven not to talk about their relationship with Mrs. Carter. I might've done more hard than good.
"Good," she responded and waved her hands in the air, the light hitting her claws just right. "You know, wolf biology and all that, we don't want any...accidents."
"Accidents? No, he's not like...if I'm reading the room correctly."
"I believe you are." Her smile returned and she continued. "It appears to me that you seem adequately prepared for Alex's return, but just in case, I have a task for you."
"And what is that?"
Please don't be anything weird, please don't be anything weird, please don't be anything weird.
"I want you to go research wolf biology in the library, I believe it will be very useful for you," she said.
Did this lady think Alex was going to eat someone at the school? Why the hell would she need me to research wolf biology?
"Mrs. Carter," I said with a nervous chuckle. "You're not suggesting that me and Alex had any sort of altercation, right?"
Her expression was shocked. "Goodness no! I just believe it would be very helpful for you to be prepared with his return. From what I've heard, he doesn't seem to act on his instincts, if he even has any from being raised by herbivores. But because of the situation, we never know. Besides, you seem strong enough. If he does end up going a little crazy, I fully believe you are capable of dealing with him."
"If you want someone to protect the school from him," I sneered. "Then ask Dalton."
"Oh I tried, he refused."
...shocker.
"Anyway," Mrs. Carter said. "If you do find yourself in the library, it wouldn't hurt to research his species just a little bit. I know canines typically have one of the easier biologies to understand, as opposed to your elusive snow leopard species. But this isn't about you, it's about making sure Alex feels comfortable coming back."
I rolled my eyes subtly, hoping she wouldn't catch it. She seemed to be just as observant as I was, which was not good at all. As I was getting up to leave, her voice broke through the cracks in my mind. "Oh and Jordan, do keep this to yourself please. There are other animals that I need to talk to about Alex coming back. It would be quite awkward if they heard the questions from you and made automated responses." She chuckled at her attempted joke, or whatever she thought it was, and I left the office. My breath was still rapid, heart pulsating in my ears.
️ ️ ️
"Make him comfortable? Yeah right," I mumbled to myself as I scanned the backs of books. The wolf section had so many books, and they were all different colors. Granite they weren't colorful colors, they were just all either dark maroon, an ugly vomit green and sometimes blue. Other than that, the school's library wasn't really meant for children.
What weirded me out the most was how this Mrs. Carter wanted me to research the grey wolf species. Alex wasn't a natural born killer, far from it. But all these books displayed the gruesome ways they would catch and kill their prey, and how they hunted in packs. As far as I knew, he didn't have a pack, Steven and I were really his only friends.
There was this one book in particular that had really detailed information about a wolf's biology. I skimmed through most of it though, mind barely taking in the information, set on something else. Something more personal which I shouldn't have been looking at. But when the picture stares back at you, you can't look away
Disgusted and absolutely mortified, I ended up checking out the book. The librarian gave me an awkward glance as she scanned the book. "It's for a project," I said, hoping she wouldn't ask anymore questions as to why I was buying a book about a wolf's reproductive system.
Walking out of the library, the deep scent of old books and fresh papers leaving my nose, Nathan caught sight of me.
Shit.
"Hey Jordan!" he said, waiving me over.
What did he want now? I was rolling my eyes as he flailed his arms like a child. Honestly sometimes I couldn't tell if he was just another seventeen year old dork or a psychotic killer. He had characteristics of both personalities, he had thoughts and actions which were childish, but held some meaning. He acted stupid for the benefit of himself, even though everyone knew he was smart.
I walked over to him, wondering if he would ask why I was at the library, already conjuring up some elaborate lie in my head.
"Did you hear? Alex is coming back," he said, taking my side as we walked away from the library, through the crowded halls of carnivores and herbivores.
"Yeah, I know," I responded, shuffling around in my bag to act like I was doing something. Just trying to distract my mind from him. Kinda like when a teacher asked if you had your homework, and you didn't, so you pretended to fiddle around in your bag, only for the teacher to walk off to help another student.
He shook his head, his rounded, square-ish ears were kinda cute. "Ah, of course you knew. Stupid of me to think otherwise."
Nothing good starts in a getaway car.
"Sorry Nathan," I said, faking exasperation. "There's something I need to do right now, I'll talk to you later."
He grabbed my hand before I could take off, before the sirens went blaring in my head. "No, you don't. I know your whole schedule. I know why you were in the library, and I know the animal you were talking to."
I narrowed my eyes at him, ripping my arm out of his clawed grasp. "How do you know everything about me?" I said, a low grumble in my throat.
Nathan tutted and smirked. "Jordan, I know almost everything that goes on in this school. Right now the counselor you were talking with is on a phone call with Alex's parents. Brittney is working on new policies for the school...they aren't good ones. And Steven is crying in the bathroom."
"Crying in the bathroom?!" I shouted over the chatter of animals. Everyone stopped to stare at us, a hyena and a snow leopard. If they didn't know any better, they would've said we were about to fight. Another dance with the Reaper.
"You should probably go find him," Nathan said. "I'll go with you."
I lightly pushed on his chest. "No, you stay away from him."
He scoffed, gently grabbing my arm and lowering it. His warm touch sent shocks through my body, and I recoiled back "He's my friend too, you know," he said. "I only came to find you to tell you about it. My true intention was for us to go help together."
How thoughtful.
"Fine," I sneered. "But if you act out, you're dead."
He raised his hands in surrender. "Fine by me, but we should hurry. I don't think he'll try to hurt himself, but better safe than sorry."
️ ️ ️
"Steven?" Nathan asked, his voice echoing around the bathroom. "Come on, I know you're in here." His response was met with sniffles from a nearby stall. Nathan looked towards me and I shrugged, unsure of what to do. The bathroom was the last place I wanted to be in, but I needed to make sure Steven was safe.
Nathan grabbed the handle of the door and pulled. The door clicked into place. "Steven," Nathan said, a little urgency in his voice. "Open the door." A muffled sob and more sniffles filled the air.
This wasn't going to work, Steven was my friend, not Nathans. I nudged him out of the way and lightly knocked on the door. It worked with Alex, so it had to work with Steven. It just had too. "Steven?" I said. "It's me, can you open the door...I'm worried for you." A couple of the bathroom lights flickered, panic and cold rushing into my body.
I grabbed Nathan's shirt with shaky hands. "What if he...what if he hurt himself in there!" I made sure to keep my voice low, I didn't want to make Steven feel like he was doing something wrong.
Nathan sighed, his shoulders slumping. "I'm sure he's fine." He looked towards the lock door, the meticulous gears in his mind turning. "I think he's missing Alex."
"We all are," I said.
"Him more than anyone else. You know they-"
His comment was interrupted by the door opening, Steven standing in front of us with the familiar grey hoodie around his back. His fur was a mess, matted and unkempt, his eyes dark and low. Hands were lifeless to his sides and he had all of his weight on his left foot. "Hey," he said, a weak smile on his brown face.
My heart clenched up, my breathing freezing in my lungs. Nathan and I just stared at him. I was paralyzed, couldn't say the same for Nathan. He slowly walked towards Steven, his hand extended for him to grab and a smile on his face. How was he so good at faking emotions? How could he do those things? It made no sense.
"You doing ok?" Nathan said. The shape of his body was blue, I didn't know how he did it-how he acted so caring and kind, when underneath, he was the exact opposite.
Steven wiped his face with his palms, tears soaking into the grey hoodie which brought me comfort so long ago. "Sorry for stealing the hoodie Jordan," he said. He began to take it off, but I stopped him.
"No, it's ok, keep it," I said.
"Are you sure?" He looked like he wanted to cry again, and I nodded my head.
"Thank you," he whispered. He looked to Nathan, then to me. "Thank you, both of you, for coming to find me."
Nathan patted his back and said, "What are friends for?"
It was so damn hard to tell if he was being genuine or not. His sweet disposition, but his awkward, almost slanted gaze was always- always offsetting. Was he really just trying to be nice, or did he have another agenda in mind? Knowing Nathan, anything was possible.
"Besides," I said, wanting to enjoy the moment with Steven, putting Nathan's schemes on the backburner. "Alex is coming back next week, we'll get to see him again. Just think happy thoughts."
"Yeah," Nathan said, comforting Steven. "He'll be back soon, so we don't need to worry over him."
"I'm always going to worry for him," Steven whispered.
Nathan glanced towards me, his face void of emotion. Then a smile sprang across his face. It was creepy when he did that. Pretend like he didn't have any emotion, then somehow have it explode out of him. Just another reason for me to keep a close eye on him. He was my illusionist, a great pretender in this world of false emotions and trickster-esque animals.
So it goes...