"Welcome back. We weren't expecting you to be here so soon, but perhaps it's for the best." Daamien's rumbling voice wakes me up… in a way. When I blink my eyes open, I'm back with the great beings above. Aurora is resting comfortably in Daamien's arms. For the first time in a very long while, she looks powerful and healthy. I wince at the thought. I should really be more cautious of what I run into. She's an Aspect, but I've really been hurting her alot lately.
"Sorry for the trouble I caused." I mumble under my breath. Aurora's laughter gently chimes in the air.
This is no trouble at all, dear. Trust me. The other celestials of the stars are much worse. If anything, at least you keep us on our toes. Aurora dismisses gently. She floats off of Daamien and gives me a tight hug. I happily return it. She feels so soft and comforting. I bury my face into her shoulder. She gently pats my back soothingly. Tears start to pour down my face. My breathing starts to break and before I know it, I'm crying. I'm just utterly sobbing in the arms of an Aspect and in front of a Darkin. I pull away and try to wipe my eyes clear, but I can't seem to breath right.
"Let it out, Leilah." Daamien murmurs just loud enough to be heard. Another hand gently rubs my head. And just like that, it feels like when a dam on the farm bursts. Everything that just happened, every feeling I had, just comes flooding out. A sad wail rips itself out of my throat. My legs tremble before giving out from under me. Aurora and Daamien curl around me. I feel like I'm in a cocoon of care. The dark sun trying to keep me warm, the light night sky attempting to give me hope. It makes me feel safe enough to stop being strong. I can actually let all my feelings that have built up inside go.
Failure, guilt, sadness, loneliness, pain, disappointment, everything just spills out. I have never felt so much agony before. Granted, the worst that I ever did before I climbed the mountain, but it hurt whenever Mother or Father was disappointed in me. Somehow, everything on this adventure makes things so much worse. Actually, it's not somehow. Whenever I was around all my disasters, I should have done something. I could have done something. Why couldn't I do anything?
I had Starshadow to help me when I was held captive by mageseekers. He could have freed me whenever he wanted. I wish I asked him to save people. If I wasn't bound, I could have saved Marcino and stopped that disaster from happening. Instead, five people's lives were changed permanently. And I couldn't do anything.
I couldn't help Ashe or Grena all that much. I ran away from my troubles instead of facing them properly. When confronted with something that hurt me, I ran. I didn't stop running. I ran so far I bumped into an Ice Witch, and I didn't learn anything. She tried to cast doubt on Starshadow, and I almost let her do it. And I couldn't get Grena to stop. I couldn't stop her from attacking me. I had the magic, I knew she was unstable, I knew she could lash out, but I didn't stop it. I made Starshadow mad, I left Ashe in that little hell.
Then I went back to Demacia. I could have freed Sylas. I could have taken him away. I could have done anything when I escaped, but instead I went to the king. I protected his family from dying. I was welcomed, while Sylas was dismissed. I failed. I don't even want to think about the failure of the Shadow Isles. I couldn't learn anything about what happened. I couldn't control any of my magic in the nightmarish place in its center, and I have so much. I should have stopped it from possessing me. I could stop a celestial from possessing me before I had magic, I should have been able to resist the Black Mist. I could have.
"Leilah? You want to talk to talk?" Daamien rumbles softly. I didn't realize that my tears were the only things coming from me now. Tears and hiccups. After thinking about everything, I thought I would be crying more, but I guess I got too tired. I bury my face into Aurora's glowing dress.
"I failed. I've done nothing but fail. I can't get anything right. I couldn't help anyone." I whimper.
That's not true, dear. You did everything you could. Are you talking about everything that happened? Aurora's hand doesn't stop rubbing my back.
"Leilah, you… you are so compassionate, but you can not focus on what you should have done." Daamien murmurs softly. I peek out from Aurora's embrace to see the Darkin's sad eyes. "There have been so many instances that I should have done better. That pupil I almost graduated, I was bringing back people. So many people were missing their limbs. Some lost intestines, some were trying to breath through their own blood. I only let the masters handle those with internal injuries, but it's not all that uncommon for the masters to be watching multiple apprentices as they healed. We were at war. We needed all the people we could get. As such, my own apprentice was roped in. Because I had announced that he was nearing the completion of his training, he was the lead healer in that compound. I trusted him to take care of the ones we were bringing in. I wasn't paying attention at the time, but I accidentally brought back a person cursed by a rune. My apprentice attempted to get my attention, but I was in too much of a rush. It was a simple rune, but I hadn't fully ingrained into him the dangers of runes. I had made sure he memorized the different runes, but there were so many. Memorizing what they looked like was the best he had. He couldn't read runes, not like I could. But, since no other master could even attempt to cure the man, my apprentice took on the task."
"He was smart. He knew his limitation. I was too busy going to and from. I was the only one gifted with the ability to teleport with others. But I drilled into him healers needed to try. The man was dying faster than he could get my attention. I forced him into taking the dying man into a large, quarantine space. He… The battle had just finished when I came back to see a crater in the middle of a desert. I lost him and the patient. There are so many what-if's I could have done that day. If I had taken the time to help him through the runes, to make sure he knew what each of them meant and what runes should never be brought together in a stressful situation. He bound the wrong runes…"
Daamien… Aurora gently reaches out and rests a glowing hand on his cheek. He leans into it a little bit. I can see his blood red tears run down her hand, though it doesn't bother her. He takes a shuddering gasp.
"My point is, that there's so many things that could have been done differently. I could have saved my apprentice, graduated him to save more lives, or I could save lives from the battle, trust my healers. I could have tried harder to save my fellow Darkin. I could have researched a way to restore them. Instead, I allowed myself to fall. I let myself fall and attempt to kill everyone. I could have changed so many things, but I was on my path."
You are so strong, but you are young. You don't have the centuries we've had to think and process how we feel. Right now, you're overwhelmed. That's ok. You've gone through so much more than so many people. It's ok to break. Aurora gently tilts my head up. I feel like a child. I know I'm around twenty years old. I know I'm technically an adult, but it feels good for someone to look out for me. It's ok to be overwhelmed, to be upset. You're one of a kind. You're allowed to take time for yourself.
"I told Starshadow that it was too difficult for you, but he thought that you could handle it with him by your side." Daamien mutters. "He said that it was just going to be an easy one, protect the boy from his job. All you had to do was stay by his side. I tried to tell him that you would not follow, that you've been exposed to too many possessions, that anything calling you would have made you leave your goal."
Not the time, Daamien. Aurora gently scolds him before looking at me. That place should have been one of our hard limits, but you had been handling everything so well and Starshadow gave a compelling argument. We all failed you there.
"I guess it's something for us to learn. If something can go wrong, it will." I sniffle. Daamien's hand pats my head.
"Certainly. Now, while you're in Ionia, you get to relax. You need guidance and peace too."
"I get a break?" I whisper.
You deserve a break, so we're leaving you on a mission with the person that holds your heart. Unfortunately, it's not a true break. Daamien couldn't teleport between the battlefield and the clinic he set up without some sort of trouble. It's an unfortunate limitation.
"I really wish I could have figured out how to get back to my clinic without someone having to make a cut in their palm, but it was enough to bring me back. Other soldiers being healed was enough afterwards." Daamien pouts.
Besides, maybe you get the chance to spend time with Yone. Aurora teases slightly. I groan but nod. It would certainly be nice to talk with him again. I missed him alot. Almost dying in front of him was also… not good. There's too much I want to talk about with him, to live life. But… if I could get better in a different way...
"Can I come back to learn more about healing too?" I ask softly. Aurora and Daamien look at each other before nodding.
"I would happily take you as my apprentice. Unfortunately, I can only teach theory. I can't give you the real world applications that you need. We have so many things to learn, like undoing curses, curing poisons and venoms, and fighting Runes. Remember, you need to meditate to visit us, so perhaps when your boyfriend is open, he can watch over you during our lessons." Daamien agrees easily.
"He's not my boyfriend." I make a token effort to protest.
You have the barest of the illusion magics, but there's so much more. I can teach you how to find the magic's feeling and how to distance yourself from the personality traits you get. Aurora chimes in. I blink in surprise.
"You can help with that? I thought that was just a combination of our magic." I mumble.
It is. Your magic responds to you like a sweet bonded we all know.
"That's the first time I've ever heard 'sweet' and 'bonded' in the same sentence."
"I'm with her. I've never even thought those two words could exist next to each other unless referred to Leilah."
Stop mocking him, you two. I know you both adore him as much as he you. Aurora chastises us. I've been spending too much time with Starshadow if I'm turning so snarky.
"Sorry."
As I was saying, you need to learn about my magic as well. You'd be surprised at how useful an illusion can be.
"Aurora, you saved Leilah's life so many times, I'm pretty sure she knows just how useful your magic is."
Spoilsport. Aurora flirts with Daamien. I yawn and snuggle into her arms. I can sense both the beings looking at me in fondness.
"Next time you come back, we'll talk lessons. Just know that everything you've been through, you are still standing. Sometimes you'll need to recenter yourself, but you are one of the truest healers I've ever met. My son was another." Daamien presses a kiss against my head. I blink in surprise.
"You had a son?"
"You're waking up now. I'll tell you more…. If you manage to not distract me during a lesson." Daamien promises.
"Mean." I grumble as I feel my consciousness slip.
I open my eyes to the morning sun. I'm momentarily blinded before I manage to shut out the world. Everything hurts to move, so I can only take the light straight in the face. It's uncomfortable. I let out a quiet moan to express my displeasure. I wish I could jump when the light is immediately removed. Someone gently holds my hand.
"Leilah? Are you awake?" Yone asks me. I blink open my eyes again, though I feel so tired. Still, seeing his eyes light up is enough for me, though they dim almost immediately. I try to speak, only my lips aren't moving. I can't even frown. All that comes out is a soft moan.
"Leilah's awake?" Yasuo chimes in. He sounds a little more distant than Yone is. I try to tilt my head to find his voice, though he appears in the corner of my eye on the other side. I think I'm on a bed. "Leilah?"
"-" I try again, but I still can't move my lips. My arms feel so heavy. I try to move my head, but all I can get is a wiggle. Then someone's hand scoops under my head and helps prop me up. I manage to catch a glimpse of my bloody, bandaged arms before I'm gently laid back. The pillow under my head feels a little fluffier. It takes all my strength, but I manage to pry my dry lips open. "Thank you."
Yone's hand shifts from under my head to my cheek. My stomach flutters from finally feeling Yone's touch. I do my best to lean into his hand. It's so firm, but gentle. There's a soft pressure on my forehead, though I don't open my eyes. I know it's Yone pressing his forehead against mine. I feel… so safe and happy right now.
"We thought you were going to die there." Yasuo comments openly. The moment that I have with Yone is broken. I almost want to glare at him, but I understand it's his concern talking. With that, I open my eyes and twist my neck to look at him. Yone returns to a standing position, though his hand never leaves mine.
"You aren't the only ones. I think I did die for a moment. Everything that happened is… kinda blurry." My whispered confession makes both brothers tense up. Yone's hand grasps tightly on mine.
"How did you survive then? Starshadow was rambling about getting your arms wrapped up and not let him… 'pop'?" Yone asks.
"He, uh, had to go save my soul from… a lamb." I try to recall. It's kinda confusing. I remember a wolf mask on a lamb body… but I'm pretty sure that's wrong…
"A lamb… He had to go save your soul… from a lamb." Yasuo snorts.
"They are not as friendly as you think they are! Especially when a wolf is with them!" I try to defend myself."
"I don't know about you, but wolves eat lambs."
"Even if it was only for a few seconds, I couldn't find her pulse until the ice formed over her body." Yone interrupts quietly. Yasuo stiffens before sighing.
"Sorry."
"It's all good." I struggle to pat his hand. He helps by bringing his hand to range, though I bump my arm into the side of the bed. Upon impact, it immediately throbs horribly. I whimper at the pain. Yone is quick to react, reaching over to grab my arm. I frown. I don't remember the bandages being that red.
"Yasuo, get a doctor." Yone demands. Yasuo is quick to leave. My head is pounding and my arm really hurts. I feel a little confused. I have magic. Especially one that heals. Why am I bleeding? I glance at my other arm. That one is also turning redder.
I try to pull on my magic. The tightness that I felt before robs me of my breath. I have to let my magic go otherwise I risk making myself pass out… one way or another. With that thought I take a deep breath and pull on my magic. I feel like I'm being suffocated from the inside out. The air I took seems to disappear instantly, but I can tell I am glowing. It takes all my concentration just to glow, though I can feel my magic doing it's job.
What the hell do you think you're doing? Throwing your magic like that is certainly going to aggravate the injury from Starshadow being taken from you so far away, not to mention not breathing is going to harm you in the long run. I jump… well I am certainly startled out of my magic. I gasp for air a little bit.
Daamien?
Part of your mind. This could use a healer's touch. Do you mind? I can teach you a few things while we repair you. Daamien offers. I blink open eyes to see my darkin standing on my other side. Yone doesn't seem to notice him, though Daamien is taking off the bandages.
How are you doing this?
Don't worry, no one can see us. You're in what I can describe as in between. The place between reality and meditative peace That's why you see me now, but not any other time… What the Shadow Isles did that creature do to you? Daamien gasps when he finishes. I blanch a little bit as well. I'm honestly surprised that I haven't lost my arm. It's completely covered in stitches with little spots of blood leaking through. The places where the stitches were torn show the muscle underneath. Even then, some of the muscles are looking worse for wear. There's a few places where my bones are poking through.
Why didn't they just cut off my arms? I mentally panic. Yone's watching me carefully. He waves his hand back and forth in my face. I let out a slow blink. His composed face is getting more and more emotional. I can see the panic in his eyes. I want to tell him I'll be alright, that my healer is here and going to help me, but I can't speak. If what Daamien says is true, shouldn't I be able to see Aurora?
I am here. You just need Daamien more. Aurora chimes in. She briefly flashes into my view before disappearing.
Alright, first lesson. You are low on magic. Very low. That means you cannot let your magic do whatever it wants. You have to guide it. Daamien lectures.
Can you show me?
Certainly. Since you have the power capability to restore nerves, notoriously difficult, we're going to train on power control. Now, you remember your little stream of magic?
Yes. But there was so much of it. I remember my magic. A golden, overflowing stream. Though, when I last saw it, it was blue and trying to save me, but it was large.
What you are remembering is a puddle now. You were too out of it to really notice. Now, Aurora, can you create an illusion for me to use? Daamien asks. Aurora reappears and waves a hand. I can see everything wrong with my arm, even if I already sensed what was wrong before. Thank you, dear.
Your magic used to do this. I guess Aurora wants to be part of the teaching experience. Still, I do my best to focus. I hope this is fast. If what I'm feeling is anything like what's really happening, then I can't afford this to take too long. Aurora creates a massive wave of water. It crashes down onto the illusion of my arm. The illusion is completely healed, but all the magic that was just used disappears. She creates a small bubble of sorts, showing me just how much magic I put into healing something. It's wild, untamed. That sort of magic can get you trouble very quickly, as you expend too much in one go.
You need to learn how to focus your magic. Daamien instructs. Aurora creates a new image of my decidedly terribly looking arm. This time, there's a thin line of my magic, like a thread. The magic sinks into the injuries and they seal up slowly. It's not as fast as when I just splash magic on me, but there is a lot less magic used.
How do I do that?
Your stream of magic, you have to narrow it down. Try making just your arm glow right now. Daamien instructs. I blink through tired eyes and do as he instructs. My chest feels like it's too tight. Using magic at all is reminding me of the distance between Starshadow and I. It hurts. Focus on your injuries. Let them alone light up. My chest relaxes. I let out a soft breath of relief, but everything still aches. A few doctors hurry into the room and pull Yone out. They start to grab so many different objects. I can't make them out, the outline is getting blurry. Still, I feel my magic do as I wish. Good, Leilah. Very good. Now, this will be hard, but change that magic from light to soothing. The amount of magic you are giving, that's all you are allowed to use.
The doctors are here.
They tried it their way and you are bleeding. Let's do it my way. Daamien dismisses. I let my eyes close and concentrate. I can almost see the change happen, from illumination to healing. I don't stop using the lights though. They make a good guideline. Instead, I bring the healing part of me with this, siphoning the little magic I have left in my core. Tiny scoop by tiny scoop, I coax my magic into slowly healing my arms. I can't see how much magic my core really has, but I can feel each drop being taken.
Is… it… working? I pant in my mind. Daamien and Aurora are carefully watching over me, I know it.
Open your eyes. Aurora coaxes. She and Daamien have a bright smile on their faces. I do so. I was pulled into a different room while I was concentrating. There's a great deal more people here, all wearing white. They hold little needles lined with thread. One of them even has a needle lined up with one of my injuries. All the doctors that have prepared to save my life stare in bafflement. I barely manage to lift my head, though I can't stop the smile that spreads across my face. It worked. It really worked. There's no sign of bones or muscles or even blood. The only thing visible are silvery scars. Even then, those are fading quickly. Well done.
What's happening? I didn't put that much magic on them!
Actually, you did. You didn't think that you were going to get that level of control in one go, did you? Daamien chuckles. His voice is more distant. I would guess that I'm really waking up now. It also doesn't hurt that you will instinctively heal yourself on top of actively trying.
Will you train me?
I'm certain you'll get plenty of practice with your...
Daamien? Daamien!
"Miss?" A doctor asks clearly. I blink open hazy eyes. If I thought I was aching before, it's nothing compared to now. I've used too much magic from my core, but I'm conscious. That's at least something. I don't try to get up. I'm sure that everything would just be too painful.
"Can you take me back to my room please?" I mutter quietly. My head aches just as much as the rest of me.
"O-o-of course. Nurse, can you wheel her back to her room?" A doctor answers me, sounding like he startled. The bed under me begins to move. I'm too tired to stay awake, though I want to make sure Yone and Yasuo know that I'm ok. I definitely will be.
"Did you manage to save her?" That's Yone. There's a small tremor in his voice.
"We didn't do anything, sir. She took care of it herself." The nurse answers him. I feel someone grab my arm and yank it up. My muscles being moved against my will hurts. I'm too tired to react though. My arm is then presented to someone else. That's when I hear a tiny sigh and whoever is holding my arm up places it gently on my stomach.
"Is there a chance that we can take her out of the hospital?" Yone asks.
"What? You would take a magical anomaly, one that could help us progress our skills at healing, not to mention that she is terribly injured and unwell, out of the hospital?" The nurse sounds appalled.
"She doesn't need to be watched like a hawk while she recovers. I… She…" Yone stammers a bit. I crack open an eye to see a soft blush on his face. Yasuo takes pity on his brother.
"She's his girlfriend." Yasuo wraps his arm around his brother's. I don't care about how sore I am, I bolt into an upright position, clutching my stomach tightly.
"I'm sorry, say what now?" I'm not entirely unhappy with the thought. In fact, I get little butterflies in my stomach, but I don't remember him asking me to be his girlfriend last time. If it was asked, I would rather know right now.
"Brother…" Yone sounds rather dark, even if his face is neutral. Yasuo just keeps cheerfully smiling and patting his shoulder.
"My brother was away from his girlfriend for almost a year. When we heard that the mission would be in Navori, where our lovely Leilah is, he refused to let me go alone. When we arrived here, we managed to see her for only a second before a vulkodalk pounced on her. You have to understand that he's rather… overprotective of her right now." Yasuo rambles a little bit, putting on so much charm on the poor nurse I'm wondering if Starshadow is here. I swear that if Yone had any less decorum than he already does, his brother would not be standing there. As it is, it's very obvious to anyone that Yone is uncomfortable.
"Oh, you poor dears." The nurse actually sounds a little bit sad. She looks around us quickly before sighing. "Fine. Take her with you. We need the bed space anyway. If she regresses-"
"We'll bring her right back." Yone promises. A pair of arms scoop under my shoulders and knees. Yone quickly picks me up while Yasuo continues to talk with the nurse.
"That worked?" I mumble quietly.
"Apparently." Yone remarks just as softly. I let my head drop onto his chest, completely worn out from healing. My head lolls softly against my hospital clothes… I'm being held by Yone in only a shift...
I give such a sharp glow that I hear a few people cry out that they're blinded. Just the smallest amount of accidental magic also makes me unable to breath, though I doubt I could have anyway. Yone tenses a little bit, but he still manages to walk confidently forward.
"You are sick, Leilah. There's no need to feel embarrassed." Yone mutters against my forehead.
"Consider how I grew up." I mutter into his chest. My face is still rather hot. His chest rumbles in a soft chuckle. He's kind enough to not keep teasing me for the short journey back to my room. I can feel my magic wake me up the closer we get to my assigned room. He gently settles me onto the bed, pressing a soft kiss against my hair.
There, on the nightstand next to the pillows, rests my scarf… on top of some rather tattered clothes. I wince, remembering that I did get slapped in the face and got stabbed a few times on the Shadow Isles. When Maokai was transporting me, the original clothes must have suffered far more damage than I thought, with only my magic capable of keeping the clothes looking like new. Still, my scarf is completely untouched, like the day I became an Aspect. I reach out and carefully pick it up. I feel a soft caress on my back, gentle and warm like my Aspect. Even if the rest of my clothes are tattered, I still have my parent's gift. I still have something of theirs with me.
I briefly look back to see if Yone is still in the room. The door closes with a soft click, no one else in the room with me. I do my best to get the rest of my clothes on, though anything that requires reaching… anywhere makes my life hard. Still, Yone and Yasuo are going to be around me. It gives me the little extra push I need to yank them on, even if I feel tears fall down my cheeks. When I'm done, I feel Aurora's magic sooth all the tears and dirt marks on my clothes while also changing them into my usual look. I'm panting in exertion, but I did it. I barely manage to reach the door and knock on it before my body and consciousness give out.
Well. At least she's alive... But her magic is certainly not helping. She's not out of the woods yet, both physically and mentally. Still, we got a bit of backstory on Daamien. The Darkin... One hell of a healer with interesting limitations. And he lost his son... Can you guys imagine how that would affect the Darkin? Perhaps enough for him to try to fall? I wonder... is it possible for Leilah to follow the same path?
Sunday's post is going to feature Leilah learning magic and how the brother's will perceive Leilah's stories. The poor girl is carrying some weight on her shoulders. I do hope Yone will be able to do something about it as Starshadow isn't here to help wean the weight off her.
On a completely unrelated note, today is my birthday, though I'm not spoiling you guys like I did for the Shadow Isles. This arc is still in progress, and I'm not absolutely dying to see your reactions to Panic and Fury (Hint hint, REVIEWS PLEASE!)
As always, I hope you guys have an extraordinary day. I know I am because you ordinary people are a part of my day. You guys inspire me to constantly do better with my work. I hope that someone in your life inspires you just as much.