TW for this chapter: mentions of sexual assault/coercion
It takes a couple of days for Johanna to get settled into the spare house in Victor's Village. I'm not entirely sure how she managed it, but she somehow jammed a damn ton of stuff into that duffle bag she brought, and only seems to supplement more and more each day with trips to the market and shops around town. I'm still not sure how long she's planning on staying here, but whatever the answer is I know for certain that she'll be comfortable while she's here. She's really tired the first day or two of her visit, which, frankly, so are we. I take a slight bit of pleasure knowing that her late night arrival impacted her as well as Peeta and me. Of course, her and Haymitch getting shitfaced drunk together the night after her arrival couldn't have helped the exhaustion.
After two or three days, though, Johanna seems recharged and back to her normal self. She comes over for breakfast in the mornings and tags along to whatever Peeta or I might be doing during the day, attempting to dissuade us from our normal responsibilities and rather make us just hang out with her if at all possible. It's fun, for the most part, though certainly different from the usual routine we had all fallen into. Dinners are raucous and rowdy, and I can't deny that Johanna is incredibly entertaining dinner company.
It's kind of funny, actually, to look back and think about how much I hated her when I first met her. Sure, we met in a pretty dismal context, and being set up to kill each other in the Quell was never going to be a great bonding activity. But some Victors, like Finnick and Mags, I was able to trust relatively quickly when the time came around to it. Johanna was never like that. I really couldn't stand her until she returned from her imprisonment in the Capitol and became my roommate in 13, first in the hospital ward and then in our shared compartment. Now she's like a sister to me, and no matter how over the top she can be sometimes, I can't help but love her. It's one of the many changes in my life that I could never have predicted before they happened, but this is one I am nowhere near mad about.
This morning Peeta wakes up early to start prepping at the bakery, and I find myself stirring next to him. I let out a tired little groan as I feel his body get up from its spot in the bed next to me.
"I'm sorry love, I didn't mean to wake you," he whispers, leaning down to kiss my forehead quickly. "Go back to sleep."
"You come back to sleep with me," I say groggily, and Peeta chuckles a little.
"I can't. I'm getting a wheat delivery in early this morning, and then I need to start working on the Peterson's wedding cake," he says. I somehow manage to roll my still bleary eyes. I neither know nor care who the Peterson's are, but I do know that if Peeta is working on something for them he's going to do everything within his power to make it perfect.
"Fine," I say begrudgingly, rolling over and throwing the blanket off of me.
"You don't have to get up," he says, wrapping me in his arms as soon as I'm on my feet.
"Eh, I might as well," I say, finding my home in his embrace. "The chances of me falling asleep without you there are slim to none anyway." He plants a quick peck on my lips. When he pulls away I lean back in almost immediately, recapturing his lips with my own and not parting from them until I feel his grin grow so wide that it makes maintaining the kiss quite difficult. I scowl at him a little as we break apart, and that only makes him smile wider.
"What's on your agenda for today?" he asks, still grinning a little.
"I don't know, nothing really," I say. "I don't have any meetings at the factory today. Since I'm up early anyways I think I'll hunt." While it's still very cold out, the blizzard that trapped us in our homes has passed and the remaining snow is light enough now that hunting is possible. I'm grateful for it, as having that release keeps me grounded and is immensely valuable to me. A thought occurs to me, an idea of how to spend the day that somehow manages to be equal parts kind and mean.
"I think I'll take Johanna with me," I add on, and Peeta gives me a smile and a knowing look. The kind part of my plan comes from the fact that I think Johanna will genuinely love the woods. We've bonded for ages now over our shared love for the trees, the peace that we are both able to find in the forest that never seems to be within our grasp in any other environment. There's little doubt in my mind that Johanna will thoroughly enjoy a day spent out in the woods, and I'd bet money that she'll make a great hunter too. The mean part, though, is that I am going to take some pleasure in delivering her an early morning wakeup call that she almost certainly does not want. It's only fair after what she pulled on us, though. It's just payback.
Peeta and I both dress quickly before heading downstairs. I gather my hunting supplies, including my own bow and a spare one for Johanna that I think was once Gale's, while Peeta puts together a quick breakfast. He kisses me goodbye soon after, heading down to the train station to pick up his wheat shipment before going to work at the bakery.I quickly finish my coffee before grabbing my bag and starting for the door. I stop right as I'm about to reach it, though, and double back on a whim to take an extra muffin for Johanna.
Smiling at myself, I head out the door and down the block towards her house. The sky outside is light, but just barely. It's a perfect time for hunting, frankly. I think we should get a good haul.
I reach her door in no time, and am entirely unsurprised to find it locked, though I do feel a slight tinge of disappointment at not getting to wake her up by smacking her over the head with a pillow. The joy comes back pretty quickly, though, as I start knocking on her door loudly and incessantly. I don't hear a response from her right away, so I keep at it, my fist banging on the wood for at least a few minutes. After a while I hear stomping footsteps, a clatter, and a muttered curse before Johanna pulls the door open. She looks almost hilariously furious to me; her hair is completely rumpled from sleep, she's wearing only some skimpy satin pajamas, and yet her face looks as if she is ready to kill. It might be terrifying if I didn't know her so well.
"Well you're going to freeze to death in that," I say jokingly, gesturing my hand out to her sleep clothes. She does not seem to find this funny right now.
"What in the ever loving fuck are you doing here, Brainless?" she says, her voice livid. "It's six in the damn morning."
"Exactly," I say, shoving my way past her and into the house. "Perfect time for hunting." Johanna seems sort of speechless in exhaustion and confusion, and it's incredibly satisfying to actually get the upper hand over her.
"What?" she repeats.
"We're going hunting," I say again. "What happened here?" I add, gesturing towards a coat rack that has fallen over onto its side on the floor.
"You showing up and making me walk down the stairs while I'm barely even awake is what happened," she retorts.
"Makes sense," I reply, and she rolls her eyes. "Come on, go get dressed. We don't want to waste the morning." She flips me off but does what I say, turning to head up the stairs and to her room. I sit at her counter for a few minutes while I wait for her to change, and she comes back down soon enough. I hold out the muffin to her as if it's a reward, and she snatches it quickly.
We head out the door and begin our walk to the woods without much talking. The District looks nice right now. I think I've always liked it best in the early morning, where everything is quiet and the natural world seems to speak more than any people. Even in the old Panem, it seemed that there could maybe be some peace in 12 in these early hours, even if it would all slip away once our people started heading into the mines.
"So why did you need to drag me out here this morning?" Johanna asks as we reach the gate that has now been put in the fence, maintaining the District's protection from any wild animals while also allowing anyone who wants to come and go from the forest freely.
"We are actually going hunting," I say, chuckling a little bit at her lack of belief. "I've always gone early like this, before school when I still went. It's the best time for it anyway. I like it."
"Wouldn't have pegged you as a morning person," she says we begin our path through the trees. I laugh a little.
"I'm not, really. That's much more Peeta's thing. But if I'm gonna get up early, hunting is the way I like to spend the time."
As we move forward, I see Johanna starting to smile in spite of herself. She looks around as we go and an expression something akin to awe spreads across her face. I know exactly what she's thinking. Coming form District 7, the woods are home. There is nowhere for her more comfortable than among the trees. I feel the same way. The only people I have been able to share this feeling with in the past, my father and Gale, are not in my life anymore. It's nice to have someone with me again who feels the same.
After about 15 minutes or so of walking, I pause and lean down to lay out our hunting supplies on a log.
"Can you shoot?" I ask her, gesturing towards the spare bow I brought. She shrugs.
"Minimally," she says. "I practiced before my first Games and I was okay, but I didn't want to show anyone that I stood a chance of being a threat, so I didn't really do enough to actually improve."
"Well, only one way to find out if it took," I say, holding the bow out to her. She takes it from me and seems to know what to do decently well; she's able to string an arrow without help and sets her sights on a squirrel fairly quickly. When she lets the arrow fly she hits her target through the back. It's not a perfect shot, not as clean as someone might want if they were trying to purchase the squirrel, but it certainly isn't bad.
"Pretty respectable," I say, taking the squirrel and putting it into my game bag.
"Eh, it's not bad," Johanna says, setting the bow back on the log and picking up a knife. "But I think I'll like this better. I mean, it's no axe, but it'll do."
"Yeah, sorry, I don't usually carry an axe while hunting," I say with a chuckle.
"I'd never have expected you to," she says, her voice starting out kind and growing more teasing. "I don't know if you 12-ers could handle it." I gasp in mock affront.
"Oh, please! We've been miners for decades, I think we could handle your axes just fine."
"Well it's on then," Johanna says, and I look at her questioningly. "You take your bow, I'll take the knife. Meet back here in 30 minutes and whoever has the biggest haul wins?" I grin at this.
"Deal," I say, and without further discussion I head to the left and Johanna takes the right, and we are both off and on our way. I think through my snare lines in my head and know that there should be some game already caught in both her and my territories. I take two rabbits and a squirrel quickly from the snares before going off after more catches.
I actually end up with a really good haul; I am able to take down two additional squirrels, three quail, and a goose before heading back to meet Johanna. I get to our meeting spot just a minute or so before she does. She has a very confident look on her face, and is holding her kills behind her back so I can't quite see what she has.
"Success?" I ask.
"Oh yeah," she says with a grin.
"Well go ahead, then. Show me what you've got." She sets three squirrels and two rabbits down on the log in front of her before standing up proudly.
"Not bad," I say, giving her haul an appraising nod.
"I agree," she says. "And only one of the squirrels was from your shitty snare line. I got everything else myself."
"Very impressive," I concede. She looks smug, and I can tell she thinks she has been victorious.
"I hate to burst your bubble..." I say, dropping my game bag at her feet. She opens it up and gapes as she takes in my haul. I see a slightly impressed expression take root on her face, but it is quickly replaced by a more typical one of skepticism.
"Well, that's not fair," she says stubbornly.
"What?!" I cry. "How is it not fair?"
"You have your weapon of choice, I'm going with my backup," she explains, as if this should have been entirely obvious. "If I had an axe I would have wiped the floor with you. Plus, you have the home turf advantage! That's two points in your favor."
"You know what I think?" I say. "I think you're a sore loser." Before I am able to anticipate it, Johanna shoves me and I end up falling to the ground. I sit there stunned for just a moment before we both burst out laughing. We keep laughing for a long time at the absurdity of it all, and it is one of the nicest moments I've ever shared with Johanna.
Once we regain our composure, we both take a seat on the log to start skinning and cleaning our catches. Johanna seems to be a natural at this, which I find a bit funny and entirely unsurprising. She assures me that it's just in her ruthless nature, and I roll my eyes.
"So, how has life been with you and Lover Boy since we all left 4?" she asks as we work side by side. "We haven't actually caught up all that much in these past few days." I shrug my shoulders.
"I mean, overall things have actually been pretty good," I say, somewhat surprised that I can speak these words and actually find them to be true. "We've both been really proud of 12 recently. So much has recovered since the firebombing and it's really..." I struggle to find the right word to describe what I feel about my district. "I don't know. It's heartwarming, I guess. And Peeta and I are both really happy with what we're doing. I swear, Johanna, when he gets in the zone as he's baking or decorating, he gets this look on his face that is just incredible. I don't think I've ever seen another person both so focussed and so happy at the same time, it's just insane." At this Johanna collapses down into laughter again.
"What?" I say, a laugh in my voice.
"Nothing!" she gets out through her laughter. "It's just, you're so fucking right. I went in with him yesterday and just hung around while he worked, and he looks like he's in goddamn heaven. It's ridiculous!" I laugh more fully at this. When our laughter subsides this time, though, she has a look on her face that is a little more serious.
"What?" I say again. She sighs and pauses for a moment before speaking.
"What happened, Brainless?" Johanna asks, her voice somber.
"What do you mean?"
"When you...I don't know," she takes a deep breath before speaking again. "When you disappeared. Inside yourself, I mean. That's how Peeta described it over the phone, anyway, and it seemed as good a term as any. He didn't go into all that much detail because I could tell it hurt him to talk about, and I don't want to hurt either of you, even if sometimes I wish I did. I guess I just...I just want to know what happened so it doesn't freak me out so much if it happens again. When Effie first called and told me something was wrong, it felt like I was going to lose you. I can't lose another goddamn person, Brainless. I just...can't."
I don't speak for a moment, touched and saddened all at once by Johanna's words. Given her normal ways of expressing herself, it's not always the easiest to see how much she cares about the people in her life, but in a way it makes these rare confessions all the more meaningful. I'm incredibly thankful to have her in my corner and to know how much I matter to her, and yet I'm also sad and frustrated at myself that I had to put her through that ordeal after everything she's already been through. So many awful things have happened that it is engrained in all of us to catastrophize at the slightest sign that something is wrong. I don't want to imagine how I would have felt if the situation had been reversed and I found out that it was Johanna who was non responsive.
"I'm sorry," I say, because it's the first thing on my mind. "I hate that I put you through that, and Peeta and everyone else too. I think the thing that scares me the most is that I do feel like it could happen again, and I don't want to make any of you to have to feel that sort of panic. It was just...I don't know. I was off the whole day..."
I recount the whole story to Johanna, feeling surprisingly comfortable given my usual reticence to talk about personal things with anything other than Peeta. Despite their entirely opposite natures, Johanna does in a way remind me of Prim, just due to the fact that our strange, sisterly bond enables me to be so open with her. She's a surprisingly good listener, too. When I finish telling her what happened, we sit together in silence for a minute or two, just listening to the sounds of the woods and thinking.
"My little brother's name was Julian," she says after a while, her voice very quiet. "I didn't know Prim all that well, but something tells me the two of them would have gotten along. He was nothing like me, he was good. Quiet a lot of the time, but damn funny when he wanted to be, and always kind. Snow took him from me. He took the whole rest of my family too. It broke me. The only way I could handle it was not to feel. I just...shut down the part of my brain that could feel that much attachment to anyone. That's what this sort of pain does to a person. The fact that you've lived through it and still managed to love someone the way you love Peeta is so goddamn impressive, but it also means this sort of debilitating grief is going to hit you sometimes too. You never need to apologize to us for it. You still feel, and that's better, really. Your life is fuller because of it, you just have to feel the bad things too. Sometimes I wish I was like that. I mean, in most cases I'm more than happy to be a heartless bitch, but sometimes...I don't know. I'd like to feel a little bit more of the good, even if it meant the bad came with it."
"I don't think you're as far gone as you think you are," I say, taking her hand in mine. "I know you care about me, and Peeta, and Annie. Nothing could possibly be the same as the people you've lost, but you wouldn't have been so worried about losing us if you didn't care. You can lean into that feeling sometimes. That was really hard for me to learn with Peeta at the beginning. Every time I felt too close I wanted to bolt because I was scared of getting hurt. But eventually I was able to trust myself and him enough to jump. It's fucking terrifying, but it can be worth it." Johanna gives a small smile at this, and I realize both she and I have tears in our eyes. She seems to become aware of this for the first time now too.
"Damnit, Brainless," she says, wiping at her eyes with her sleeve. "I thought you took me out here to kill, not cry." We both chuckle at that.
"Alright, change the topic, then," I say, laughing a little. "Tell me what life in 7 has been like."
"I mean it when I say it's boring," Johanna says, her tone a strange mix of joking and sad. "Life there is actually pretty good now, for most people. The lumber industry has started back up again but with much better conditions and no children working. There are schools too, and you can study to do something that requires more training if you want to. People seem generally happy. I just don't really talk to anyone."
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"Before the war, I sort of blocked everyone out as much as I could. It seemed like the best way to cope with everything. I just maintained my Victor persona so I didn't have to deal with the vulnerability of being real. So I never made an effort to stay close with any of my former friends, and with everything going on I was pretty much ready to explode in anger at the slightest provocation whenever I was around people. A lot of people were scared of me. I can't say I blame them." Her voice is light but I know this is painful for her.
"Do you get lonely?" I ask, and then immediately cringe at myself inwardly. It's a stupid question, and frankly I don't know why I am still so bad at offering words of comfort to the people I care about. To my surprise, though, Johanna laughs.
"Yes," she says definitively. "I'd like to say I didn't, but I do. That's why I came here, really. I just couldn't take it anymore. I was sort of in a bad headspace, I guess. I was worried about you, and I was worried about me, and I just needed to get somewhere where I could talk to someone."
"I get that," I say, and it's true. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have Peeta and Haymitch to rely on. I doubt I would make it without my support system. "Why the late night arrival?" I ask. The question has been on my mind since she got here, and it seems like as fair a time as any to ask. Johanna sighs before answering.
"I...I don't sleep, Katniss," she says, her voice strained and tight in a way I don't think I've ever heard from her before. "Not really, anyways. I try to distract myself as much as I can, with noise or drink or other people in my bed. I can sleep for a little if I'm distracted enough. But in the silence, when I'm alert and alone and sober...I get scared." She sounds like she's ashamed in herself though she has no reason to be.
"I don't like to let myself fall asleep," she continues. "But when I do it never ends well. It changes sometimes, but usually the nightmare is that I'm drowning, so that's just another thing I get to thank Snow for. I wake up screaming whenever it happens. The night I came to you guys I woke up and it got so bad I just...I couldn't take it anymore. I had to get out, had to get somewhere that I could be distracted from the shit inside my head. I know it sounds pathetic." She doesn't meet my eyes as she says this last part.
"You don't need to be embarrassed," I tell her earnestly. "I do it too. I wake up screaming practically every night, and you are brave for being able to handle it alone. I was never able to manage without Peeta, even before there was anything romantic between us. We started sharing a bed on our Victory Tour because the nightmares were just that awful. It doesn't make you weak to struggle with it. If anything, it's the opposite. You fight it, and you're still here. I don't know what word that is, but it sure as hell isn't weak." Johanna smiles softly at me.
"Thanks, Brainless," she says. "It doesn't surprise me that you and Lover Boy have always needed each other to sleep. It definitely helps to have someone there. I feel like half the time I end up fucking someone it's just because I want to be able to sleep, and there's a better chance if I'm not alone." I feel a strange sort of sadness at that, even though Johanna's tone isn't particularly down. It's as if she isn't phased at all by the abnormality of her experiences.
"Have you been with anyone you've liked recently?" I ask. I don't know exactly what compels me to say it, except for the desire to lighten the mood, and my interest in potentially finding Johanna someone who's presence could bring her real comfort instead of her current situation.
"Nah," she says, her voice entirely casual now. "I haven't been with anyone in a while. Since we got back from 4, actually. The last person I slept with was Gale." My eyes widen at this.
"Wait, what?!" I exclaim. Johanna looks taken aback.
"I told you about this," she says. "I definitely told you about this!" I laugh and raise my eyebrows.
"You most certainly did not!" I say.
"Seriously?!" she says, as if she's annoyed at herself for having forgotten. It all somehow manages to make me laugh more, the absurdity of the situation overwhelming me.
"I think I would have remembered!" I say, and Johanna laughs too.
"Ok," she says, still laughing. "Well yeah, it happened."
"When?!" I ask. I hardly recognize myself, what with being this excited to hear sordid gossip. I can't say I'm not enjoying myself, though.
"The first time was that last night in the Capitol. We were both shitfaced, horny, and bored, so I think we both just went with it. He wasn't half bad, frankly a lot better than I expected, so it happened again the first night in 4 too. I stopped letting him sleep with me after he started being an asshole to you and Peeta, though, no need to worry. It's a shame he had to go off like that, though, because after my whole ordeal with the ocean I could have benefitted from being fucked senseless." I blanch a little at her language and she cackles at me.
"I don't need to know the details," I stutter out quickly, my mind suddenly overwhelmed with pictures I definitely do not want of my former best friend. My mood shifts quickly, though, as another thought enters my mind, and suddenly I am worried about protecting Johanna's feelings. I want to warn her, but I don't know how to say what I want to say without sounding like a complete and total narcissist. From Gale's behavior on that trip, I know he still had some sort of feelings for me, or at the very least still felt as if he was entitled to me in some stupid way. I want nothing to do with him and have no problem with him sleeping with whoever else he wants. I just feel like Johanna should know the extent to which he is emotionally unavailable.
"Johanna," I start, my voice a bit more serious now. "Gale is...complicated. I just, I feel like you should know..." I am stumbling over my words, unable to get a coherent thought out. Johanna catches on, though.
"You feel like I should know Gale wasn't over you and was just fucking me as a stand in?" she asks, not one ounce of ill will in her voice. Unable to think of anything to say, I nod, though I hate myself for doing it. To my surprise and confusion, she just chuckles. "Yeah, I know, Brainless," Johanna says. "Doesn't bother me. It was just sex, for the both of us. We both got what we wanted out of it, and neither of us expected anything more. We were on the same page, so there was never any sort of problem with feelings not being involved." I'm not sure how to respond so I don't. Johanna takes one look at my face and bursts out laughing.
"What?!" I ask, indignant.
"You look so confused!" she cackles.
"Well, I don't know!" I say, flustered and embarrassed. "It's a lot to take in! I guess I am a little confused!" This just makes Johanna laugh even harder.
"God, even after everything you're still so pure!" she says, and I scowl at her.
"Oh please," I say. "You have literally heard Peeta and me having sex!" I try to emulate her normal brazen casualness when saying this, but I can tell my cheeks are burning.
"Yeah but that doesn't change it. If anything, it confirms it. You're both still really pure," she pauses for a second before adding. "Well, you're pure and you're lucky."
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"You and Peeta are different than most other Victors," she says, her voice not hurt, but not possessing the same lightness of a few minutes ago. "You're both unique because sex is actually associated with love for the two of you. You two could be doing the kinkiest shit imaginable and it would still come down to love, and there's a lot of purity in that. Most of the rest of us didn't have that." I feel guilt creep into my chest at her words.
"The Bad Night?" I ask. She shrugs, as if this is all totally casual.
"I mean, yeah, but before that. It's not just that. No one had it as bad as Finnick, but a lot of us had to do shit for Snow's people. 'Perform,' they called it." She scoffs. "It's not that big of a deal to me, at least not anymore. But if I had to have sex for their pleasure then you can be damn sure I'm going to do it for my own whenever I please."
Johanna is so unfazed by this sort of conversation that it takes me aback and makes me realize just how much pain she has gone through. It's all so normal to her, like she's forgotten that she's been abused.
"It's ok if it is a big deal, Johanna," I say quietly. "But it's also more than ok for you to do whatever makes you happy." It's a strange and awkward response, but I don't know exactly how to handle unpacking everything she's just said. She seems to appreciate it, though, because she smiles understandingly.
"Thanks, Brainless," she says, her voice kind. "I'm alright, really. You don't need to worry about me. It was just part of life. Those people are all dead now, anyway, so I'm good." She starts laughing and I can't help but join her.
Soon after we finish dealing with our haul and pack up to make our way back out of the woods. We stop by my house to drop off the game that we want to keep before heading into town. We give our remaining catches to Sae, who thanks us heartily and gives us portions of stew in exchange. Johanna thoroughly enjoys the meal, and it makes me happy to share the good of 12 with her. We walk around town for several hours after, stopping in different shops and just enjoying the day.
"God, this is weird," Johanna says after a while, stopping abruptly in the middle of the road outside the apothecary shop we just left.
"What is?" I ask.
"This," she says, gesturing with her hand to indicate that she means our entire setting. 'This is normal, and normal is weird. None of us have ever had normal before." I laugh at her a little, but in no way is it derisive, because I completely understand what she's feeling. It's a thought I've had many many times during this last year.
"I know," I say, still chuckling a little. "It really is weird. For a while I just never felt like I could be, I don't know...ok. Ok seemed like it was out of the realm of possibility. I still sometimes don't know if I feel like I can be ok, but then I remember that the world is normal now, and none of it makes any sense." Johanna joins in my laughter at this.
"I know exactly what you mean, Brainless," she says, still laughing.. "The fact that life makes sense now makes no goddamn sense."
Our laughter continues, and it seems not to stop as we finish up our journey through town. Johanna enjoys familiarizing herself with everyone and everything in 12, and I enjoy getting to show it to her. The feeling of lightness I'm experiencing while just being allowed to relax and enjoy the day is so new, but so entirely welcome.
We stay in town for a long while, and finally head back to Victor's Village in the early evening. We go to my house, and the good feelings of the afternoon are only intensified when I open the door to see Peeta in the kitchen. I'm not sure what he's making, but it smells amazing. More than that, though, he just looks so happy. He looks comfortable and happy just in the simplicity of life, and that makes me happy too.
"Hey guys!" he says, beaming when he looks up and sees us in the doorway. "I found the meat in the fridge - it looks like you both had a successful day." I walk over to him and wrap my arms around his waist while he works chopping an onion. He plants his lips in my hair and laughs into me.
"We did," I say. "Johanna's not a half bad hunter, though of course she still has a lot to learn." I say the last part teasingly, which causes Johanna to scowl and flip me off. Peeta laughs again before kissing me on the lips. I hum into the kiss, feeling peaceful and warm.
"I'm sure you're a more than capable teacher," he says quietly when we break apart, and I smile at him before heading over to join Johanna on the couch while Peeta cooks.
I'm expecting her to be in a sort of jokingly defiant mood after my fake dig at her, but the expression on her face is unfamiliar to me. It's kind, but small, in a way. Simple. It doesn't reflect anything life-altering or groundbreaking, it just looks happy. Proud, maybe.
"What are you thinking?" I ask her, my voice light. She smiles more fully as she looks at me.
"Not that much," she says. "Just, that I think you two are going to be ok."