CW: high emotions, trauma memories, implied trauma, discussion of counseling, acknowledgement/apology for inflicting trauma
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The next few weeks were...different. Remus and Sirius didn't want to make a big deal of it, but they were careful around Harry while he adjusted. Harry was, for the most part, still himself. But there were a few concerning changes in his behavior.
For one, he was more reckless and emotional than he used to be. It was as if all of his feelings and emotions were on a higher level than they had been before. His magic fluctuated with his moods as well, objects flying around at random and storm clouds gathering around in his sleep.
He was nervous around Petunia and Dudley, though he did his best not to show it.
Remus and Sirius had explained the situation to Petunia when Harry had gone to sleep the next day, wanting to update her now that the danger was over. She had not been at all pleased with them, but was glad to hear that Harry and her family were safe. She'd vaguely explained the situation to Dudley as well, so neither of them took it personally when Harry withdrew slightly from them.
And, probably the most concerning thing, was that he couldn't seem to tolerate small spaces or closed doors.
When Harry hit puberty, he'd begun closing his door for privacy. But now it was always wide open, day and night. Remus and Sirius could hear him wake up from nightmares, not knowing how to help because Harry never shared what they were about. It wasn't hard to figure out though, based on his behavior when he was awake. Harry was never particularly fond of small spaces before, but now his hands shook even when he just had to get his shoes out of the front closet.
It was one of these moments when Sirius finally broke down. Remus had been waiting for Harry to be ready to talk to them, but he was out grocery-shopping at the moment, and Sirius couldn't stand it any longer.
"Harry," He said firmly. "Can you come here for a moment?"
Harry hesitated, then seemed to cave in on himself. He trudged over, sitting down on the couch beside Sirius. He didn't make eye contact, but Sirius didn't need him to. Sirius just needed him to listen.
"Harry…" Sirius paused, making sure Harry was paying attention. "I know you've been struggling lately, Harry. Can you please tell me what's been going on so I can help you?"
Harry blinked, seeming to fight against himself for a moment.
"I'm...remembering things." He whispered finally. "And everything just feels bigger now, like the horcrux had been numbing me to things before."
He held his hands together. "I know I'm not supposed to, Sirius. But...I can't talk to my snake anymore, I'm feeling and remembering so many terrible things, and I just…"
"You miss the horcrux." Sirius acknowledged, making Harry jerk up to stare at him.
"Harry," Sirius reached out and held Harry's shoulder. "It is normal to miss things that were a part of us. Even if they weren't healthy, even if they actively hurt, it is okay to feel the way you are."
Harry blinked, tears falling down even as he kept eye contact with Sirius.
"Several months ago," Sirius continued softly. "I went through a hard time, Harry. My childhood...it was not something I like to think about."
He took a breath, steadying himself.
"But Remus, he waited for me to come back to him." Sirius smiled faintly. "And after I did, he convinced me to talk to someone. Her name is Jannie Lewis, she's a squib counselor I speak to every so often."
"You want me to talk to her?" Harry asked quietly, looking down at his lap.
"I want you to know, Harry." Sirius said firmly. "That it is an option for you, and that there is a counselor I trust to keep your best interests in mind. You just let me know if you want to speak with her, and I'll take care of it. Alright?"
"Alright." Harry nodded.
He got up from the couch, hesitating in the doorway. "Do you...do you want to go to the park with me, dad?"
Sirius grinned brightly. "'Course I do!"
They left together, walking to the park and running about in their dog forms. Sirius had recently registered as an official Animagus, but they had decided to leave off registering Harry until he at least turned eighteen. Best to keep him out of the public eye as long as possible. They had a wild time, leaping and bounding through the trees and flopping over in the glass to absorb the sunshine.
By the time they were ready to go home, Harry felt enormously better. Having Sirius directly confront the issue Harry was struggling with had made him feel seen and loved, and now he wanted to get better so that Sirius and Remus wouldn't have to continue worrying about him.
"So," Harry asked casually as they walked back to the flat. "Can I meet this counselor before I agree to anything?"
Sirius grinned at him. "Sure, Harry. I'm sure she'd love to meet you first."
He threw an arm over Harry's shoulder, smiling as the afternoon sun shone brightly in the sky. As they entered the flat entrance, they ran into Petunia. She had just returned home from working, and she smiled at them both. There was a hesitancy in her eyes that hadn't been there since Harry was a little boy.
Biting his lip, Harry walked over to her. He looked down at his shoes, then bravely made eye contact with his aunt.
"I'm sorry for how I've been behaving lately," He murmured. "But thank you, for respecting my space."
"Of course, Harry." She nodded. "I understand, well, not all of the magic parts of it, but I understand why you feel the way you do. I've changed, and so has Dudley, but that doesn't erase what we did to you before, Harry. We both understand that, so don't worry about us."
Harry felt something inside of him loosen, hearing his aunt say those words. It was that final step, the acknowledgement and apology for what had happened to him. She had said it before, so many times over the years, but this was the first time Harry really heard it.
He nodded jerkily, wiping at his eyes and coming over to hug his aunt close.
She hesitated for a moment, not wanting to make him feel uncomfortable, but then held him back.
They let go a few moments later, but neither of them had dry eyes.
"Will you be by for supper later?" He asked, both of them ignoring their tears.
She nodded, smiling slightly.
"Alright," Harry nodded, looking back to Sirius. "We'll see you and Dudley then."
Sirius gave Petunia the 'thumbs up' sign as he passed by, which made her smirk and wipe at her eyes.
It was a seemingly small thing, but it was progress.
Notes:
My OC made a cameo in this chapter! If you want to meet her and visit Cannon-compliant Harry, feel free to check out 'Into the Mind of Harry Potter'. We explore mental health but with some magic thrown in.
As for what's going on here, I think part of the reason why Harry was so 'resilient' in the cannon series is because of the horcrux. We see throughout the series that the horcruxes feed off of energy and emotions, so it makes sense to me that the horcrux inside Harry would do the same thing. So, now that the horcrux isn't feeding off the more negative and scary emotions/memories, Harry is processing them fully.
Happy Reading!
