A/N for 2021-03-13: It feels very bittersweet to come to the end of this tale (not that we're *quite* there yet). I've had the pleasure of working with two really wonderful betas, whose strengths I deeply appreciate. Many, many thanks to Chayasara and Eeyorefan12.
There will be at least one more chapter to wrap up this story. Now that spring break has started for us here, I'm looking forward to having some time in which to write.
I'm sure it's all old news to the rest of you, but dang, I've really enjoyed Bella Scotia's "Secrets and Lies" - kept me up late several days in a row. For those of you who haven't read it yet, enjoy!
- Erin
Bella felt as if she were trembling. Wrapped in Edward's arms, she lifted one of her hands from his shoulder and stared at it. It wasn't shaking. No, her limbs were steady. Still, this most unsettling and human feeling persisted.
Seth, Leah, and Jacob conferred nearby with Emmett. They looked weary. Quietly, Jacob told Emmett they'd return later after they'd had a chance to rest.
"May I help you, Bella?" Jasper stood some distance away.
Rubbing her back one final time, Edward released Bella from his embrace and moved to her side. His arm remained tightly curled around her waist.
Bella understood Edward's reluctance to let go. She didn't want him anywhere but beside her, preferably wrapped in her arms and she in his. The trembling sensation was growing, running over her whole body. It was only when she registered the bubbling in her arms that she realized it was her gift, seemingly gone awry.
"May I?" Jasper asked again.
But Bella had shifted her gaze to Emmett, who was staring at the pieces of Demetri's body, the most bitter of looks on her brother's face. In a fluid motion, he activated the lighter in his hand and let it go, watching it flame over the chunks of torso, head, and limbs beneath him. "Go to hell, asshole."
She swallowed. Her mouth was full of venom, the liquid renewing itself even as she swallowed again. On the other side of the room, the ashes of Jane's remains smoked weakly. Over them, her former servant stood, blinking, as if he was trying to accept what his eyes were showing him.
Bella understood exactly how he felt because watching Demetri's body burn, she could hardly believe he was finally gone. She realized she was waiting for some emotion that had yet to materialize. Relief, perhaps? Satisfaction?
"Bella?" Edward asked.
"Yeah," she replied distractedly, still trying to make her gaze settle. When she finally managed to do so, she found herself looking down at the body of her friend Erastus, the man who had given his life trying to protect her.
"Let Jasper help you, please." Edward inched forward and angled his body in a way that partially blocked her view. A small part of her bristled at his hypervigilance; the remainder recognized it as both a loving gesture and a necessary precaution in her current state.
"Sure." Hearing herself speak, she wondered at the quality of the voice, which sounded so foreign to her ears.
An eerie wave of calm swept over her from top to bottom. Blinking, she tried to make sense of the abrupt shift in feeling.
It was an odd deja vu, but she supposed the aftermath of a deadly battle was much the same. Death walked the same path with violence, no matter the combatants involved. The living were left to grieve or celebrate as was fitting.
There was still a great depth of grief, even beyond the reach of Jasper's gift.
"It isn't a kindness, Carlisle." Edward's words jarred the silence of the room.
Behind the wall of Jasper's artificial serenity, Bella struggled to understand the note of disapproval in her mate's tone.
Carlisle spoke gently. "That's not what I asked you, Son."
Jasper moved closer, drawing her attention away for a moment. "I hope you won't take my offer of help poorly, Bella. It's only that you're still quite new to this life, and . . . well, pretty agitated. I wouldn't want you to hurt someone without meaning to."
No, she supposed she wouldn't want to do that.
Edward remained fixed at her side, but his arm tensed around her, and she wondered what he was hearing that had unsettled him. Bella studied Carlisle. Jasper's assistance was helping her gather her wits about her. Carlisle's blond hair fell over his forehead as he knelt near Erastus's body, scrutinizing the man's head and neck. He glanced up at Edward, his prolonged gaze signalling there was more than just a look passing between them.
Edward shook his head. "There is. But you know there's always some awareness so soon after. It is fading even now." Edward spoke softly, likely aware of everyone's attention on his conversation with his father as he repeated his admonition. "There is no kindness in this."
"It is a very clean detachment," Carlisle said. He looked to Marcus as he said it. Bella tried to make sense of what she was hearing. Awareness? Clean detachment? What she thought Carlisle was suggesting wasn't even possible, was it? She remembered what Edward had explained to her after the first battle. There are complications afterwards.
Now the remaining members of the Lower Order had fixed their eyes on the scene unfolding in front of them. Marcus appeared uncomfortable with this collective scrutiny. Chelsea reached out and squeezed his hand. He tensed momentarily at the touch and then relaxed a little, smiling apologetically at his mate.
Bella wondered again how he and Chelsea had hidden their bond from the other Volturi. She resolved to ask Edward about it later.
"It would be best if you spoke plainly," his mate said gently. The look on her face told Bella she knew what Carlisle was proposing and didn't like it at all.
"Undoubtedly, you remember the games Caius and Aro favoured," Carlisle said.
"Yes," Marcus said. He winced almost imperceptibly, as did the other members of the Lower Order.
"Those . . . experiments gave me the opportunity to observe the different effects. The cleaner cuts meant greater probability of . . . regained function." Carlisle sounded so sad, clearly recalling unpleasant memories.
Marcus's gaze remained fixed on Erastus's body as he shook his head. "Even so, I believe your son spoke the truth. Your offer is generous, but . . ."
Carlisle drew in a breath and released it slowly, a most human habit. "I would be willing to remedy the situation if the circumstances warranted."
Even behind the veil of calm Jasper was exerting, Bella shuddered. Others did too.
"You would destroy him again, even after reviving him?" Marcus's voice was composed. There was no judgment there. Then he shook his head. "I cannot make a decision like this."
The expressions on the faces of Marcus's brethren fell, and their heads bowed further.
"I think you can," Chelsea said softly. She rubbed one of his hands with both of hers, waiting for him to look at her again. "He was your friend and a very dear one. You have shared centuries together. He lived a long and useful life."
Marcus didn't deny her words but looked around the room, finding his brethren with his gaze, looking at each in turn as he asked a silent question which none of them answered aloud. Then he turned back to Carlisle. "This is a most cruel hope you offer."
"It is." Carlisle held his gaze. "But you should decide amongst yourselves, before we attempt this, what outcome would merit such a severe consequence."
Marcus spoke without hesitation. "Only if he is uncontrollable. Otherwise, we will care for him."
Carlisle nodded. "Jasper, Emmett, Edward—would you help me, please?"
Calmer now that a decision appeared to have been reached, Bella felt Edward stiffen beside her, and she looked up at him. When their eyes met, she watched the hesitation in his give way to the silent plea in hers. It was disquieting to disagree with her mate, but this chance to save her beloved friend felt too important not to take. Edward just had to understand.
He did. Edward reached up to stroke her cheek gently with the side of his hand before he nodded, his expression both bemused and resigned, and left her side to join his sire and his brothers.
It took some minutes of Carlisle and his sons gently moving Erastus's head and body so they were precisely aligned. Slowly, and with great care, Carlisle nudged the pieces together, using his venom to first seal the tissues inside and then the skin. Though Bella's own internal clock told her that time moved, she could not say how much, because the moment seemed to stand still, just as the bodies of everyone in the throne room did. If any of the vampires present had needed to breathe, it would have been a collective breath they all held. Their expectations and worries were almost palpable, and Bella found herself praying silently: Please, let this one good thing be. Please.
"Edward?" Carlisle broke the silence, anxious to know if his efforts had been successful. "What can you hear?"
Edward only shook his head, still concentrating.
Others turned to Alice, standing nearby and wringing her hands as she sometimes did when focusing hard. "I'm sorry, maybe the wolves are still too close," she said, obviously frustrated. "I can't see anything yet."
More time went by, and still no one moved. All eyes were on the man on the floor, waiting, hoping . . .
Alice suddenly gasped out loud at the same moment Edward glanced up sharply at his father, his expression wary.
Then Erastus sat up slowly and blinked.
Nearby, Jasper's attention was very focused, and Emmett looked prepared to pounce should it become necessary.
"You were very badly hurt," Edward said out of the blue, his voice gentle.
Was Erastus communicating with him? Had it worked?
"I was hurt?" Erastus's voice sounded as it had before except for a trace of a gravelly tone. He was looking around now, never resting his gaze on anyone for more than a moment, looking increasingly confused.
"Yes." Edward continued to study him.
"I was hurt," Erastus announced to Marcus, sounding oddly pleased by this.
Marcus nodded carefully.
"May I approach him? Does he know me?" Dominic asked as he moved forward slowly, his eyes on his friend, unable to suppress his smile.
Edward nodded. "He does." He was still concentrating, and Bella recognized the little wrinkle between his brows. He was puzzling something out, but he didn't look as concerned as before.
"I was hurt," Erastus said again as his friend reached him. .
Dominic nodded. "Shall we go to the library?"
Erastus frowned. "The library." He looked around the room as if he wasn't sure where he was—or as if he were trying to remember something.
With a gentleness that made Bella want to cry, Dominic threaded his arm through Erastus's. "Let's go to the library."
"Is there any danger?" Marcus murmured to Edward.
"No."
Everyone watched the two figures walk slowly out of the throne room, two other members of the Order also leaving when Marcus waved a hand to direct them to follow. Erastus's simple questions floated back to them through the empty halls.
"Will he improve?" Marcus asked Carlisle.
Edward answered for him. "No. He will most likely need constant supervision and reassurance."
"Then it will be our honor to care for him." Marcus looked to Carlisle. "Thank you."
Carlisle nodded.
"I think we need to talk about the rest of our plan," Edward said.
- 0 -
"Given that we're all in agreement, there's no time to waste in disseminating the news of what has occurred. We will extend an open invitation to all who wish to be involved as we establish a new order." Carlisle turned as his gaze took in the group.
"We'll spread the word, then." Tanya spoke for her small coven. "We'll start with our Irish friends."
Edward knew that his cousins were sincere in their wish to help, but they were also eager to leave a place that held such dark memories for them. Only Eleazar had elected to remain for a few more days.
"Thank you," Carlisle responded. "I will contact Amun and the Romanians myself, but feel free to reach out to any others who might want to send a representative."
The departure of the Denali sisters left the Cullen family, Eleazar and Carmen, Chelsea and Marcus, and a few members of the Lower Order. The three remaining Volturi guard had not said anything during the group's lengthy deliberations even though they had been invited into the circle that ran around the throne room. They had fully accepted that the balance of power had shifted and were now wrangling with what their role might be in a potential new regime—wondering if they would survive long enough to even have a place in it at all.
"You should speak freely," Edward told them. They had all seen him at Aro's side in the past and knew he could hear their thoughts.
The most senior of the three burly vampires, Pedro, eyed Edward warily. He was a logical man, and knowing that there was no need to speak, given Edward's gift, he wondered why he was being asked to share his opinions. This had not been allowed before. Part of him worried that this was some sort of test.
"I far prefer having people share their ideas directly rather than relying on me. This is not the old order." Edward tried to keep the impatience out of his voice.
"You haven't killed us," Pedro said bluntly, "and it seems you have no immediate plans to do so."
"We have no plans to do so at all," Carlisle said. "You are welcome to stay or go, but we could use your help."
Pedro's look spoke of his incredulousness.
"Our kind needs to know that there will be a governing body to keep order amongst us, and there will be times when keeping that order will require more than words. Within a few days, there will be a permanent plan in place to address these concerns." Carlisle sounded sad, acknowledging this necessity. "Your expertise would be most useful in this regard."
Pedro clearly struggled with this assurance of good will. "You mean that we can really leave without consequence to us?"
"If that's what you want, yes," Carlisle said.
Edward frequently wondered, knowing his father as he did, how anyone could ever doubt Carlisle's sincerity, but given the means by which the guard had been ruled, he wasn't surprised by their skepticism now.
Pedro and his fellow sentries exchanged looks. When the other two nodded, Pedro glanced in Chelsea's direction. "What about her? We were told . . . well, some in the guard said that she's the one who made us loyal. How do I know she's not doing that right now—trying to convince us?"
Before Carlisle could respond, Chelsea spoke up. "That is no longer my role. I . . . regret that I was willing to use my gift in such a manner in the past. I will not do so again."
Edward was impressed that the regret and candor in her tone matched her thinking. Being out from under her former master's rule and having the freedom to be with her mate had made Chelsea a changed woman indeed.
Carlisle smiled at her words and looked at Pedro again. "So, have you come to a decision?"
"We can help you if you need us."
"We very much do," Carlisle said. "Thank you for your willingness to work with us."
Edward studied the three guard members again, assessing their motivations. They were young for Volturi soldiers, young enough that they hadn't known Carlisle before, though they'd heard of him. Their current observations did not hold with the crumbs of dismissive gossip that had been fed to them. Carlisle was fair, they could see, and that was more than they'd known in their centuries in Volterra. They were almost relieved to have someone to lead them and grateful they were being given the choice of whether to follow.
Edward? Can we trust them? Carlisle's silent query interrupted his thoughts. He nodded at his father. He could hear nothing that concerned him.
After receiving instructions from Carlisle and Jasper, and promising to be available for further briefing, the three left the throne room.
The more practical considerations around the castle and its former and current inhabitants had been addressed early on in the conversation. Carlisle and Jasper continued to confer on some of the surveillance-related matters. The other Cullens had slipped away to ensure the present physical security of the castle itself though Edward doubted there was much need for it. There were no other vampires nearby, and Volterra's inhabitants were used to walking by the well-secured building.
Beside him, Bella squeezed his hand. She had been very quiet during their deliberations, speaking only with respect to the Lower Order, offering suggestions that augmented Marcus's.
"I need to hunt." She sounded so embarrassed by this.
"Of course you do." Edward's pang of guilt was immediate. It had been days since she'd likely done so. Far too long for a newborn.
With a quick farewell to the others, they made their way to the parking garage where they chose one of the nondescript SUVs formerly used by the guard and headed out. Edward drove through the sunny town of Volterra, carefully navigating the narrow cobblestone streets and then opening up the throttle as they reached the wider roads of the surrounding countryside.
"I'm not that much in need," Bella said when his turn around a sharp bend nearly put the car onto two wheels. She was smiling at him when he turned to check.
He grinned in response. "Wait until I show you what the Aston can do."
It was a torturous twenty minutes to reach the large nature reserve—torturous because he wanted to be free of all need for constraint, and he could tell his mate did too. The intensity of the battles and what had transpired between and after had left them all feeling tightly wound.
Somehow, he and Bella managed to walk sedately from the shady parking space into the forest's shadows, away from the few humans who were packing up for the day. Holding hands, they began walking faster, the voices behind them fading with distance. When they could no longer hear or smell humans, they began to run.
The reserve stretched north and west, and with careful navigation, they could run for miles through the trees even though this would mean skirting Genoa before making a sharp turn and moving north to Switzerland.
They could, not that they did.
Bella passed by the small cluster of deer that scattered at their approach, launching herself into a tree and snatching up a large Lynx with her hands. Edward didn't bother with the deer either, watching Bella instead but staying well back. No need to test her newborn control when she was in the throes of bloodlust. Her puncture of the creature's neck was neat and her drinking efficient just as he'd taught her. He was glad to see that her inability to hunt freely while she'd been alone in Italy had not diminished her skills. She dropped the animal into a natural depression, kicking leaves and dirt over it to at least keep it from human discovery.
"Don't you need to hunt?" she asked when he finally felt it safe to approach her.
He shook his head. He could wait. There were other things he needed. Slowly, or at least slowly for his kind, he moved closer, cupping the back of her head with his hand and pressing his forehead to hers. Closing his eyes, he inhaled her heady scent and heard her do the same. "I need this," he said softly.
Her hands settled on his neck and cheek. She sighed a little.
"It's over." Her words were almost a question.
He nodded. "Yes."
The breath that left her was more of a shudder. "It's really over."
Opening his eyes, he leaned back so he could see her face, stroking her hair gently. He'd been waiting for this moment.
"Edward, I want to cry and I can't."
"I know."
She leaned into him, tearless sobs racking her body. He knew from experience that they would not bring the relief she sought. Vampire bodies might retain the instinct and muscle memory of crying, but the action did not provide the same physical catharsis it had when they'd been human.
"I don't know why I feel this way."
He did. "You've been through so much, Bella. Of course you feel this way." He smiled gently when she reached up to wipe at her eyes, finding nothing there.
"Well, I guess you can't take all the human out of a girl." She smiled wanly at her feeble joke.
Edward smiled widely. "No, and I'm ever so grateful for that. I'm not ready to let go of her just yet."
More composed, Bella took a small step back, still within the circle of his arms, and looked around them. "It's so beautiful here. Are we still in Italy?"
He nodded. They hadn't come far enough to cross into Switzerland, where he and the Cullens had waited with the wolves a few days before.
She laughed a little. "We're in Europe."
"We are." He wondered where she was going with this.
"No, I mean, we're in Europe. I've always wanted to travel, and here we are. We're finally free, and we can be ourselves without worrying about the Volturi. We can be together and walk outside and see all the amazing things that are here, and—"
"You mean, we get to live our lives." He watched her carefully, his face still shaped to hold a gentle smile. Her mood was oscillating between the euphoria of victory and the unfelt grief and trauma of so many months—human and vampire; he wasn't sure where she would settle. Even her newborn days had been shaped by that trauma.
"We get to live our lives," she said, repeating his words. Her voice rang with hope and wonder. Abruptly, she grasped his arms with a strength that was almost painful. "Can we tell my dad? Maybe not right now but . . . someday?
Here was a hope he hadn't dared to contemplate. He considered it now, his mind running through possibilities. Could they? No one was currently enforcing the old laws, and new guidelines would be drawn up in the coming days. What would it mean for their world to let Charlie and other carefully selected humans know? His thoughts ran to Jacob and the other wolves. Given what the Cullens had asked of them, and what the Quileutes had already given them in assistance, it wasn't his choice to make. "Perhaps," he said, suddenly worried this might disappoint her, dismayed by the wrinkle that appeared on her brow. He so wanted her to know only the hope and peace of this unbound future. "I think we need to discuss it with the others, and certainly with Jacob, given that it might involve some risk on their part."
"Of course." The wrinkle disappeared. "But before we do any more talking, there's something else I want to do."
He watched the colour seep from her eyes, giving way to the inky black of an entirely different kind of hunger, already mirrored in his own.
- 0 -
"Sorry about your shirt," Bella said softly.
Edward chuckled. "Your clothes didn't fare much better. I should apologize, I know but . . . ." He gave a very human shrug.
They lay together in the late fall leaves, those that had not been crushed into dust by their recent activities. The small tree those same leaves had been hanging on hadn't fared any better. Lazily, for he could afford such laziness for the present, he circled his finger in a loop from one of Bella's shoulders to the other.
"We should get back," she murmured.
"Why?" There was no need, really. The others would have things well in hand.
"I want to make sure Erastus is okay."
He knew so many kinds of love for his mate, and here again, he was surprised by the discovery of a new one. Her compassion was a trait that she certainly shared with his sire, and it was one he longed to make equal in himself. Bella was fiercely loyal and loving to her friends, and it only made her more loveable to him.
"Of course." He looked around at the ruin they had made of their clothing. "I think I might have to pilfer some clothes first, though."
She chuckled, a beautiful sound. "Edward Cullen, clothing bandit."
As it was, Bella stole their new attire, dashing naked through a yard and snatching clothes off a laundry line. She laughed openly at the look Edward gave her as she handed him a plaid shirt. There had been a perfectly good white one available on the line.
"The things we do for love," he said a little too darkly, doing up the buttons. "One would think you have an affinity for lumberjacks."
Her chuckle became a laugh, and it heartened him to hear it. "Who says I don't? You may not have used an axe, but I doubt that mattered to the tree you took down back there," she said, giggling at his expression of chagrin. "Lighten up, Cullen"—she gave his cheek a teasing pat—"and race me back." She was gone before he had the last button done, but he still took the time to dig through the torn trousers he had been wearing for a handful of euros. He tossed them onto the back porch of the ramshackle little house as he took off after his mate.
By the time they reached the castle, they were laughing with a lightness he hadn't felt in what seemed like decades.
As they approached the library, though, Bella became more sombre. Standing in front of the doors, she paused and looked up at Edward. "I know you didn't want Carlisle to do what he did, so if you don't want to come in, I'll understand."
The realization dawned unpleasantly. Could she think so lowly of him? "You think that I disapprove of his impaired state? That it makes me uncomfortable? "
She shrugged uneasily, not looking at him.
"No." He cupped her cheek and turned her face so that she had to meet his gaze. How could he make her understand? "It isn't that at all, only that it could have been so much worse. Carlisle's memories of what the Volturi used to do, the negative outcomes that resulted"—he shook his head—"I simply didn't want the people who cared for him to have their hopes so cruelly dashed."
"But now he has to be looked after forever. 'Constant supervision and reassurance.' That's what you told them."
"I did. But I was not censuring them for their choices, Bella. I was only telling them what he would need for them to care for him. The way he is now is a better outcome than I expected, and I'm happy to have been wrong. Still, I would never have judged them for wanting to prolong the life of someone they loved, even if he could not be what he once was. How could I judge someone for doing what I might have done myself if . . . it had been you?" He had stumbled over the last words, suddenly envisioning the horror of being in a similar situation and having to make such a decision about his own mate.
She was studying him carefully, looking contemplative. "Yes, you would have made the same choice," she said finally as he felt the relief of her approbation. She reached up and stroked his hair back from his forehead. "I know you, Edward. If it had been me, you would have tried too, no matter how hopeless you thought it was. So thank you for understanding and for helping them when I asked you to, even when you thought it was a lost cause."
Edward could only nod wordlessly.
Bella let out a breath. "Okay. Do you want to go see him with me, then?"
"I would like that. Do you want me to come with you?"
She nodded.
Dominic was sitting with Erastus in their small break room. The newly resurrected vampire sat with his feet in a bucket of hot water, a steaming cup in his hands. In front of both men, the old television presented a staticky rendition of The Bold and the Beautiful.
Erastus was grinning broadly.
"Hi, Dominic. Hi, Erastus," Bella said, greeting them both with a smile.
Dominic nodded, but Erastus looked at her, confused.
"I'm your friend, Bella," she said.
"My friend," he repeated. Edward could hear a brief attempt to recall the face of the woman in front of him, but the moment passed quickly. The word "friend" had triggered warm and comforting thoughts of Dominic, who sat beside him. Erastus's mind calmed immediately.
"Yes."
"I'm watching television," Erastus said conversationally, looking towards the old set.
Bella nodded. Edward could see the sadness behind her features.
"I'm glad you're having a good time," she said softly. Her uncertainty was evident in her voice. "I'll come back later, okay?"
"Later," Erastus said. He smiled, still watching the television.
Bella practically bolted from the room. Edward followed. Outside the library doors, she leaned against the battered wooden frames, looking as if she wanted to cry again.
"He's happy, Bella. I wish you could hear his thoughts. He isn't what he was, but he is entirely happy. He doesn't realize that there's a difference. And he knows his longtime friends. He is loved."
"I know. I just thought he would know me. I feel like I've lost him again." She shook her head and looked up at him, attempting a smile. "It's good though. You say he's happy."
"You look so sad though." And it's killing me, he thought to himself.
She swallowed before answering. "I'm coming to the realization that there really are no completely happy endings. No perfect ones, anyway. But you and I—we very much have one in each other. I just wanted that for him."
He drew her to him. "We do have our happy ending together, and so does he. It just doesn't look like the one you expected."
"No, I suppose not."
As he looked at the woman he loved, he thought of the years yet before them, the possibilities of their life together, now unbound by the many ugly bargains they'd had to make to get to this moment. With his eyes on that future, he began with a small adventure he knew she would treasure. "Would you like to see where Hemingway wrote his first book once we're done here?"
He watched her eyes brighten. "Yes."
With that one simple word, they joined hands and walked towards their future together.
DISCLAIMER: S. Meyer owns Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.