POV: Jordan
Reputation precedes me…
How long had it been since I entered Mrs. Baker's office? Since I'd even talked to the grey wolf of a counselor? Probably too long, and probably just long enough for her to forget about me. At least in some sick twisted way, the anxiety I was feeling felt normal for once, rather than just anxiety for the pure purpose of destroying my mental stability, which I liked to think was quite high. Given that my hand was shaking over the doorknob, I was nowhere near prepared to enter her office and was probably about to get the lecture of a lifetime. Regardless of my mental state and fear of the unknown, I turned the knob and entered her office.
Her office had been repainted, a casual light shade of blue with white trim. Her usual trinkets were around her room, much neater this time, although some of them had fallen over. She had canvases hung on the four walls, each other with a different, more distinct piece of art. Only furthering the thought that she was more than just some counselor this school needed more of. I needed her back on my side, I needed to do whatever I could.
"Good morning, Mrs. Baker," I said, announcing my presence as I closed the door behind me. She was busy typing on her computer, tapping a finger against her lips. I stood there awkwardly, wondering if I should sit, or…?
"Sorry Jordan," Mrs. Baker said, "I'm kinda busy right now." She turned in her chair to face me and I sat down. "What do you need?" I wasn't expecting her to act so...normal. I was sure she was gonna yell at me, lecture me, tell me how I was ungrateful or whatever words she wanted to throw at me. I would take it, apologize, then beg for her help. It looked like I wouldn't have to beg that much.
"Er...well, I just came in here to ask you a question, but if you're busy I can come back later," I said, getting up from my chair.
"Nah, I'm not too busy right now. What do you need?"
I sat back down, rubbing my fingers together underneath the table. "It's something for my next...campaign idea." Mrs. Baker's ears perked up, so did her eyes, and I continued. "See, I was thinking, if I could get more herbivores on my side, the votes might shift more in my favor."
"Aren't you already in the lead?" she said, scrolling through the polls on her computer. My name was in bold blue letters with a bar graph underneath it. Brittney's was right next to mine, her graph much lower than mine.
"Well...yes, but I want to make sure I stay out on top, plus this isn't about the votes, it's about showing the herbivores that I care about them as well." It sorta was about the votes, but if the herbivores knew I was on their side, maybe I would've had a better chance at defeating Brittney. That was the only thing my mind was focused on, and I cursed at myself for not seeing the bigger picture, even though I didn't know what it was.
"Okay, what did you have in mind?" Mrs. Baker said.
I took a deep breath. "I was hoping…" I let the words linger for a moment before continuing, "that I could have some help from the art club." I held my breath, waiting for her response. She looked up into the air thoughtfully, tapping her claws against the desk.
"Is this about the meeting today?" She rolled her eyes. "Brittney really has it in for you if she was willing to throw out her plans in front of everybody."
"Not like you were much help from stopping her," I said, the filter in my mind malfunctioning, allowing the words to slip out.
Mrs. Baker blinked. "True, as much as I wanted to tell her off, it wasn't my place." She flipped through some papers on her desk. "Well I can see if the art club is willing to help you, but that isn't my choice, you'd have to talk to the president."
"Don't you run the club?"
"Run the club?" She laughed. "No, I don't run the club. I merely support it in any way possible. It's an herbivore club supported by a carnivore." She winked at me. "Let's see if Brittney tries to shut it down like she did with the audiovisual club. Speaking of which, how is the audiovisual club doing anyway?"
I sighed. "Not...great. We don't have any new members, it's just Nathan and I. Although, it's not like I've been going around recruiting animals, we've been doing...okay, so far."
"Well I'm sure you'll figure it out. Anyways, the president of the art club is named Sophie, she's a shy opossum, so try not to scare her. Also, don't go alone...how about you take Alex with you?"
"Alex? Wouldn't that just make them fear us more?" I pictured Alex walking by my side, the grey wolf who was always different from the other wolves.
"Maybe, but he seems to have a way with herbivores. If you really wanted to get on their good side, I suggest using him to your best possible abilities. His reputation for being raised by herbivores may have its perks."
Use him?
"I'll think about it," I said, not wanting to be in her office any longer. Did she really want me to use Alex just because he had some sort of ability to connect with herbivores? Just because I had him help me one time with a video, or interview, didn't mean I could just use him like a chess piece. He wasn't a queen, he wasn't a king, but he definitely wasn't going to be a pawn.
I'm not a bad girl…
A bell rang, signaling to go to our next period. It had been so long since I'd actually followed my schedule down to the number. Skipping periods had become a norm for me. Grades were still decent, not better, but not worse either. I was just so focused on everything else: Brittney, the campaign, Emma, Alex. There were just so many things to think about-to worry about, that school was always an afterthought. It couldn't be helped, school held no importance when it came to helping the animals of our society, regardless of species and nature. Carnivore or Herbivore alike, nobody was going to be left out.
I left Mrs. Baker's office, not really sure what to do. Was I supposed to meet this Sophie now, or wait awhile? I didn't want to bring Alex into this, but maybe Mrs. Baker was right about his little sixth sense with herbivores.
️ ️ ️
I found Alex after school, he was walking around the grounds with Steven and I began to wonder if meeting the art club herbivores would've been better if I had a dog with me. Dogs were basically a hybrid themselves, somewhat like their wolfen brethren's, but also...not. They were never on the news about devouring's, and they held high political stations. They were mostly in labor forces that required trustworthy...or cunning animals. Dogs could be both.
"Hey guys!" I said as I picked up my pace towards them. They both turned around and waved, a smile on their faces. I had begun to miss their smiles.
"Hey Jordan," Alex said, his tail wagging like helicopter blades behind him. I held back the urge to throw my arms around him, just happy to see that he was doing better, and that he had fallen in love. "Do you need anything? I was gonna have dinner with Steven if you want to come." Steven gave a slight frown at that statement, but it was immediately replaced with a smile.
Now isn't the time.
"Oh no! That's okay. I...was just wondering if you could help me out with something real quick. It should only take, like, ten minutes."
Alex looked to Steven who nodded him on and said, "I'll be waiting for you when you get back." He stood up to reach Alex's face and kissed him on the lips, my heart burning with joy. All I wanted was to see Alex happy, and he just got kissed. Were they dating? Were they even in a relationship? They never told me anything, and it wasn't right to assume.
Steven walked off, his tail behind him wagging. I felt a little sorry for tearing Alex away from him, but I really needed him. Not because of the herbivore thing, no, because I just wanted him by my side for it. Nathan wouldn't have been the best choice, he was a little bit too...different. And Steven seemed more interested in Alex.
"So," Alex began, "where are we going? Hopefully it doesn't take that long. Steven had been planning this dinner for a while." He gave me a weak smile and I returned it.
"I just need to ask the art club president something, shouldn't take too long. I wanted you to come with me so I wasn't alone."
We walked through barren halls, closed lockers and flickering lights. One of the things I was going to change when I was president was the horrible electricity. Lights flickered, sometimes just shutting off entirely.
"What do you need the art club for?" Alex asked, sniffing the air.
"I think they could help my campaign. You know, get the herbivores on my side."
"So you chose the art club?"
We reached the art club door, voices being muffled by the thick wooden door that separated them from us. "Nathan said it was a good idea to get the herbivores on my side, and Mrs. Baker agreed. She said the art club might be able to help." I said as I put my hand over the doorknob. "Besides, they're tiny herbivores, we have nothing to be afraid of." We had a lot to be afraid of, and I immediately regretted taking Alex with me.
The room was an amalgamation of paint and white canvases. The floors were supposed to be tiled white, but you couldn't tell from the amount of dried paint on them. There was a chalkboard at the front of the room, which was practically invisible because of the scattered canvases blanketing its view.
All eyes went to us as I stood in the doorway, two carnivores much larger than any other animal in the room. Everyone's clothes were a vibrant or pastel color, against mine and Alex's darker attire.
"Sorry to barge in like this," I said, taking the lead. "But I'm looking for someone named Sophie. Does anybody know her?" A couple animals shuffled around, revealing a small, meek, terrified opossum in the center. She had a paintbrush in hand, colored blue. Her hands were trembling as she stared at us.
"I-I'm Sophie," she said, taking small steps toward us, her little knees wobbling. I felt horrible for making her feel like she had to be afraid of me, and I didnt' think having Alex was helping. I was beginning to ask him to leave, but somebody recognized him and tried to talk up a storm with him.
I bent down to accommodate for the opossums height. "Is there a place we can talk in private?" I said in the least threatening voice I could muster.
"In private?" she squeaked.
"Yeah, like an office room, or…"
Her eyes dropped low to the floor, her rat-like tail still. "Yeah...somewhere," she mumbled. Even with my advanced hearing, she was so quiet. I was gonna ask her to speak up, but I decided against it and took charge. Probably not the best idea since I was with a tiny herbivore...wait...weren't opossums carnivores too?
Omnivores...right.
"If it makes you feel any better," I said as we quietly left the art club room, "we can head to Mrs. Baker's office."
"No...no it's ok," she said as she scurried along the floor. She was so tiny and I was scared of accidentally stepping on her. I made sure to keep my eyes on her and my feet a far distance away. She did kinda look cute in her bright yellow hoodie and ripped up jeans. Even if she was shy and timid, she had some sense of style.
"I like your clothes," I said, hoping to ease some of the tension.
"Th-thanks," she said as we found an empty storage closet. If I were going to devour her, doing it in broad daylight, in the middle of the school, with a bunch of cameras around wasn't the best idea. I hoped she understood that.
I stopped in the middle of the hallway.
Crap! I left Alex!
"Wait, I need to do something real quick, don't move!" I said, rushing off back to the art club room. There wasn't any screaming...it was silent.
Please, please don't eat anyone!
I pushed open the door, Alex was sitting in the middle of a circle, his tail going berserk behind him. All of the animals were coddling him like a baby, asking questions and whatnot. I let out a sigh of relief as he looked up at me and smiled. I closed the door and headed back to Sophie who stood with shaking legs.
"Sorry about that," I said, opening the door to the tiny space. "I swear this will only take a couple of minutes." Sophie hesitantly followed after me.
"You're not going to eat me?" she said after some time had passed as I watched her tremble.
"No? Why would you think that?" I crouched to her level, meeting her gaze with mine. "I'm not going to eat you, I just want to discuss something about my campaign with you."
"O-Okay," she said.
I cleared my throat, I had begun doing that often, although I don't think I really needed to. "Right, so I'm thinking about doing something for my campaign that includes herbivores, just to show that I'm not leaving you guys out. And I was hoping...you could help me out."
"You're not the first animal to ask me that," Sophie said, digging her heels into the ground. "Brittney came by recently and asked...although I politely declined. I don't like getting the club mixed up with all of the drama that goes around the school." She gained more confidence as she talked about the club and its members, totally shifting from the terrified opossum. "I may be terrified of you, but just because you may eat me doesn't mean I'm going to help you."
I sighed, giving up on the situation entirely. "Well...thanks for your time, sorry for bothering you."
"Hold on," she said, tugging at my jeans. "I never said I wouldn't help you." Her voice was sweet like honey, but something about it was also a bit bitter. "I don't like Brittney as much as the next carnivore. Just because I'm an omnivore does not exclude me from whatever storm she could be conjuring up. So, I'll help you out...just leave that wolf out of it."
"You mean Alex?" I laughed. "Look, if there's any animal you shouldn't be worried about, it's him."
Sophie grew in a shaky breath, clenching and unclenching her fists. "This is the first time I've agreed to anything that has to do with a carnivore. I was immediately going to say no, but you're interesting. You're not what the rumors point you out to be."
"I know," I said, opening the door for her. "Thanks for...agreeing. If you need anything for the art club, please don't hesitate to ask."
"Well…" she trailed off. "There is one thing. We need more members."
"More members?" I replied, "no problem."
On the way back to the art room, Sophie and I talked about the school, how we were holding up with everything. She was a nice animal and all, but a little too skittish for me, and definitely not willing to go any farther than the simple relationship of acquaintances. It was fine by me, as long as I had her support, I didn't care what she thought of me. Well I sorta did, because if she went behind my back and started to spread more rumors, she would be eaten.
That's what Nathan's for, I thought with a devious smile.
I shook the horrible thoughts from my head, opening the art room door to an empty room. Everyone had left. Canvases were left unpainted, the circle where Alex was gone. Sophie came up behind me. "Looks like everyone left." She walked into the dimly lit room, picking up her backpack from the end and trailing back over to me. "Do you mind walking me back to my dorm? Usually I go with my girlfriend but it looks like she already left.."
Sophie took another quick look around the room, then took her place by my side. "Let's go, I don't want it to get any later than it already is."
"It's not that late," I stated as we walked through the halls, sunlight peeking beneath the horizon.
"Yeah but you're a large carnivore, you don't have to be scared to walk outside late at night...or at any time, really."
"I guess you're right," I said with a sigh. "Well, looks like we're here." We stood in front of the small herbivore dorm rooms. Sophie was by my side, her tiny frame silhouetted by the waning sun. Just looking at her made me want to protect every animal in this school and world. It was like this wave of confidence washed over me, tempting me to do whatever I could, didn't matter what. Still, the thoughts of failing and doing something wrong, something that didn't meet the standard I had set, crippled my massive amount of confidence.
Sophie walked up the steps, her tiny shoes hitting the concrete. She waved goodbye with a tiny smile, and I wondered if it was a genuine smile, or one that everyone did. You know, just a smile. One that showed you were appreciative of someone's actions, but cared little for who they actually were or if you would ever see them again. It was that kind of smile.
️ ️ ️
"...Is that Jordan…?"
"...She looks amazing…"
"...What is she doing here…?"
All of the animals in the hallway stared at me, like they hadn't seen a snow leopard in their lives before. I wasn't really wearing anything different other than my usual dark attire. Only this time I decided some laced sleeves and tight dark jeans were more my style. I caught everyone's gaze, and I was kinda liking the attention.
I had a stack of papers in my arms - flyers. Passing them out to animals gave me the response I was hoping for; questions, and answers to follow. They were simple flyers, unsophisticated posters with my new signature slogan, "Look What You Made Me Do." It hooked everybody, even the herbivores who glanced in my direction, looking away once I met their gaze.
"Oh, Good Morning Brittney!" I said as she approached me, her normal pink outfit with a stringy pink purse.
"Oh...Jordan," she said, unimpressed with my work. "What mess have you gotten yourself into now?"
"Mess?" I said, handing another animal a flyer. "What mess?"
"All of these animals. It's not safe for the herbivores for all these carnivores to be around." A quick scan of the area really didn't sell her point. Sure there were carnivores, but there were just as many herbivores joining in the reading of my flyers, some of them even showing them to their friends.
I approached Brittney. "I don't understand, is something wrong? It looks like everyone is doing fine."
"Are they really?"
"Why wouldn't they be?"
Brittney sighed, rolling her eyes. "Look at the lion over there, he's too close to that goat. And that panther is joining that herbivore group. Do you seriously not see anything wrong with this?"
I scoffed, and rolled my eyes in the same dramatic way she did. It really sold the whole "bad girl" look I was sorta going for. "The only thing I see wrong here is you complaining about the students. They're just interested in the competition, the election." I looked off thoughtfully. "Which reminds me, you haven't really done anything to gain votes. Is something stopping you?"
She flashed a wad of cash from her purse. "As if I need to actually get my hands dirty."
A familiar hyena slowly made his way behind Brittney, standing over her without her notice. I gave him a wink, subtly as to not distract Brittney from whatever rant she had started that I completely ignored. Nathan was standing right behind Brittney Coleson, a large carnivore, and she had no idea. It was hilarious to me, that this posh herbivore could be ended with one swipe of the claws, one chomp of the mouth. I had to keep the laughter inside.
"What's with that look?" Brittney said as she turned around, stopping in terror as she was face to face with Nathan.
"Hey Brittney," he said in the lowest voice possible. "Is something wrong?"
'W-wrong?" she stuttered. "N-no! Nothing's wrong!" She awkwardly laughed, high pitched and annoying. "I'll be seeing you later Jordan!" she said as she rushed off through the herbivores who didn't make way for her.
Nathan shrugged his shoulders. "She seems to be losing her game or something. The way nobody moved for her, it's like nobody even cares about her anymore."
"Good," I said with a sneer. "I hope she never finds friends, and I hope her life is ruined. She can pretend like she doesn't care, like nothing phases her, but she has her weaknesses-as do I. But there's nothing that's going to stop me from doing what I think is right, and that's making sure all animals feel represented."
Nathan took a flyer from my hand. "Is that why you have an opossum on your flyer? I think they're omnivores…"
"It's a work in progress...besides, all steps start out small. If I took a huge jump forward, things could go sour."
Nathan nodded in agreement, his dark brown eyes looking over the flyer from underneath his black glasses. I always wondered why he needed glasses. It was kind of weird to see an animal who was supposed to have good eyesight... not have good eyesight.
I shook off the thoughts, handing him a stack of flyers. "Do you think you could hand these out?" I asked. "I'm a one man army right now, I could really use your help."
"Sure, where do you want me to start?" He held the flyers so gently in his arms, like they were his own children.
You're so weird.
"Just find animals who don't have one already. If they say they already got one, give them another one. If we need to print out more, I can always ask Mrs. Baker." Sophie had helped me create the flyers, and I decided passing them out, regardless of time, was the best idea. Mrs. Baker helped with the designs and the technicalities that came with handing out flyers and soliciting to students. It wasn't like I was asking them to buy something, I just wanted their support. I was going to get that point across no matter what.
"I love your outfit Jordan!" A small sheep said as she passed me in the hallway.
"Thank you!" I replied, a robot response.
"Where did you get your clothes?" she continued.
I pulled at the hem of my dark blouse which hung loose on my shoulders. "Oh this?" I waved her off. "Just some clothes I found in my closet." I leaned in to whisper in her ear. "And some stuff which I stole from my moms closest." We both shared a giggle and the sheep was on her way. Her grey jeans reminded me of Alex and his eyes. Just a small reminder, one that barely floated in the sea that was my mind, like a boat lost in the vast ocean.
I looked around and it was as if time had stopped. The once warm feeling of the hallway was now cold and empty. Nobody was judging me, but I felt like I was drowning in something, couldn't say what. It was like there was this pressure in my throat, maybe a ghost was choking me? Maybe my demons had finally decided to end their possession?
Just as quick as the sensation came on, it left, and I was in the middle of the hallway staring off into the distance, breathing quickly. I pushed down the feelings, knowing it was the only thing I could do, and continued on my way. I had no destination in mind, just an urge to get away from whatever position I was in.
It only took a brisk walk through the sea of animals to figure out why I had that random out of body experience, if that was the right term. Alex. He was the only animal I did all of the crazy stuff for, and yet, I still couldn't find the time to talk to him, to even hang out with him. I knew he had his own stuff going on, with Steven and everything. But he was my friend, I was supposed to be there for him. I wasn't going to let another situation like Emma ruin everything. I needed to find him and just talk to him-just tell him something!
My legs ran as fast as they could through animals, pushing and shoving them out of my way, heat racing with each beating second. Blood rushed to my head, blurring my vision, but I pressed on, my mind filling with thoughts and images of Alex and his perfect body.
Draw the line.
I stopped myself, catching breath in my lungs. My heart beat in my ears, pulsating and rapid. Everything around me was blurred, but somehow clear. My mind was empty, but full. The thoughts of Alex were prevalent, wanting to be the only thing I thought about, but my brain...my will had another idea. It wanted him gone, it wanted him out of my head. And I did too.
For so long I thought about him. For so long I was focused on making sure he was happy, that he was doing ok. But did I stop to think about myself? Did I stop to think about everyone else?
No.
I was too focused on Alex, and I didn't need to be.
I took a deep breath, turned around, and faced the animals behind me. The animals that wanted to continue to support me, the animals that wanted to take my feelings into consideration and wanted to be by my side.
Alex was the only exception to the damn love sick battle I was fighting in my head, but he didn't need to be. I could focus on other things, I could live my own dreams, do my own work without him. Why did I constantly seek his validation? Why did I constantly think I needed him by my side, when I was always fine alone?
I had no tight grip on reality, I had no emotional support system like he did. I just had myself, and up until that point, I was content with loneliness. Did I want to be lonely? Not really. Was the feeling somehow nice to feel, somewhat normal from all of the other shit my life?
There were words I couldn't take back, situations which I wished I wasn't placed in. But I needed to accept them, they happened, and the stuff that happened to me, hopefully made me a better animal.
I had to believe in that.
I needed to believe in that.
The image of Alex being with someone else ate me up inside everyday, gnawing at my bones and making my heart ache. But those feelings, the thoughts of rejection and...whatever shit that my body decided was the right emotions, needed to leave. It wasn't healthy to constantly think about him. It wasn't right to want him, when he was happier with someone else.
A sigh escaped my lips as the spotlight of the world showed down on me. It was just me, no one else by my side. It was only going to be me, and I was ok being alone. Life was a game made for everyone and love is a prize.
Seems like I lose every carnival game.