"Come on, kid! You gotta keep up!" Rakan yells out in front of me. Every other day for the past six months, he's been having me run with him through Ionia forests… after running to meet up with him. Haru said that I would learn from her, but I'd have to deal with Rakan until she introduces herself. Rakan claims that he's training me. I really don't feel like it's actually helping my magic. His bird legs make running very easy for him, though I struggle to avoid roots and branches in my face. The trees seem to love Rakan as he never deals with a branch to the face. Usually, by the end of the day, my magic would completely heal my injuries, so my fellow healers don't usually question what I do. Haru said that I'm just going around to other villages with him to cover that I'm meeting vastaya. I really don't understand this country's dislike for vastaya, they are very similar to us humans… though if more are like Rakan, I can see why.
"I'm trying!" I bite back. Still he laughs and keeps leaping from branch to branch.
"This is what ya get for not being able to answer my question!"
"You told me to make a flower bloom from a seed! I don't have that kind of magic!" I snap. Another root catches my foot. I yelp as I land on my hands.
"I told you, everyone can make a flower bloom!" Rakan drops to the ground in front of me. I roll my eyes and force myself back on my feet.
"And I told you, my magic deals with light, shadows, and the body. I can't manipulate plants!"
"Ah ah ah." Rakan gestures to me to move to the left. I'm a little confused, but I do so. When I look behind me, I want to scream. There's something shiny behind me, and Rakan is preening, brushing his hair back with his fingers.
"I really don't see how this is helping me." I desperately try to get him back on track.
"That's because you don't understand." The female from before speaks up. I jump a little bit and turn around. She's leaning against a tree, playing with her feather daggers. She looks disinterested in our lessons, but she's been there every single day.
"How? How is running through the forest, tripping over everything helping me?"
"You don't like to listen, do you? Rakan told you everyone can grow a flower, even him." She repeats his words. I want to scream in frustration. Haru might trust these vastaya, but I'm getting a massive headache dealing with them.
"Rakan, the most vain, self centered, egotistical man I've ever met, and that's saying something considering that I have a bonded that changes how I look whenever he wants to, can grow a flower." I deadpan.
"Yep. And so can you, but you aren't thinking. Ugh. Mielle, do you really think this… human… can actually learn?" She's very displeased with me, that's for sure.
"Honey, Haru thinks she can. He might be a human supporter, but he always had a good judge of character. You listened to him when he brought a bad vastaya. There can be good humans too." Rakan flicks his hair through his hands before straightening up. "You look beautiful."
"Rakan…" The woman almost seems to snarl.
"Right, yes, I have a plan to teach her." Rkana jumps up and spins around.
"You… have a plan?" The female sounds dubious.
"I'll just go on instinct." He boasts. I face palm.
"That's the opposite of a plan." She deadpans. "Are you sure you can teach?"
"Sure. I mean, I've never done it before, but if Haru asked me to, why not?" Rakan shrugs. The girl groans at the same time I do before she turns away.
"Come on." She waves me forward. I blink a little bit at her change of heart. She notices and rolls her eyes.
"I'm… just surprised. You seem to dislike humans a lot." I scramble up to meet with her.
"Well, considering that you haven't tried to kill Rakan, that's gotta mean something." She shrugs.
"I can't, not without getting hurt in return." The words pour out of my mouth.
"You can't? I've never heard of something like that before, and I've been around for a long time." She's surprised and somewhat interested now.
"Uh, old Shuriman healer's soul is bound to me and gave me healing magic." I mumble. Her ears twitch a little bit.
"Daamien the healer?" She guesses. I nod a little bit. Then Rakan has an arm around my shoulder while looking in a mirror.
"Seriously? He can't teach you how to control your massive magic? Lame."
"He's… It's been a few centuries. He's set in his ways." I try to defend him.
"Kid, Daamien is one of the best teachers in history. How he hasn't managed to get you to understand something simple like this is beyond me." Rakan drops his happy-go-lucky attitude and looks me dead in the eye.
"What do you mean? He told me have to meditate to control my magic or wear myself out enough to know the feeling of-"
"That's not what magic is, kid." The woman interrupts. She sits down, tucking her feet under her. She gestures to me to sit down. " Humans. They can never get it. Alright, fine. I'll teach you something. Magic, it's freeing. It's part of what makes the world feel… Alive."
"I've noticed that when I talk about my magic, it feels alive." I remark as I sit down, crossing my legs in front of me.
"That's where you're going wrong. How long have you had magic?" She asks. Rakan swoops himself into a tree. Actually swoops, I'm pretty sure Starshadow would be taking notes as to how he can make himself go anywhere with that amount of flourish. Rakan lies down on a branch, resting one hand on his head.
"Uh, three years I think? But even then, I haven't really tried using that magic until around a year or so. Even then, I get very tired easily." It startles me a bit to realize just how little time I've had my magic.
"Ah. That explains a bit. You weren't born with magic, so you think of it as a separate entity. It really isn't." She closes her eyes and holds out her hand. Daggers float around her hand. "It's who you are. It's an extension of yourself. You hold yourself to the standard of adult magic users, but your magic is as new as a toddler's."
"A toddler? But… I managed to use my magic for seven hours straight, healing a woman giving birth. I run every day I'm here with Rakan and back in time with all my injuries healed." I try to make myself seem more than a child's magic.
"Now you sound like one. I'm not diminishing your accomplishments, but your magic is new. It's probably more like a child than a toddler, capable of thinking you are an adult, but you are still rough around the edges. Haven't you noticed that for the past month, Rakan's been getting faster?" She persists. I blink a little bit in surprise.
"Really?"
"I've been exercising your magic, kid. It's definitely stronger and you are in control, but what you want is extreme control. The answer to getting that involves how you can make a flower bloom." Rakan speaks up from above. The girl's ears twitch a little bit to indicate that she heard her partner's words.
"Then how can I control my magic that well? People are getting hurt in Navori. While I was helping people, I had to stop touching them out of the need to keep my magic. That's… never really happened before." I try to refute them.
"You say you had a bonded that could monitor your magic constantly. He also had the ability to take and give magic. He probably helped you with controlling your magic. More than likely he would have kept it up in the effort to help you, though it's hurting you now." The girl comments. I groan and fall onto my back. Starshadow never told me about that.
"We never even expected to be so far away from each other. Ever."
"Then he had a rather childish notion thinking that you would never be separated from each other." The girl is ruthless. "Do you still feel like you struggle to breath when you use magic?"
"I haven't felt it in a while. Actually, ever since I helped with the child's birth." I realise. Then I shake my head. "But in Bilgewater, we were separated. He was taken from me, but my magic didn't react."
"How long ago was Bilgewater?" She presses on.
"...Over a year ago. I was training my magic in Ionia a long time ago." I recall.
"Did you like the experience?"
"...No. Not really."
"And Bilgewater?" She raises an eyebrow.
"We were separated. I used a little magic to protect myself and a little girl from a fire, but after that, Starshadow used my magic to save me."
"Your bonded used your magic, probably what started with training your magic to go through him before doing anything. Especially if your initial training sucked that much. I don't even know if he's aware he was doing that to you. Magic is finicky." The girl shakes her head.
"That makes it sound like magic is alive."
"That magic is you, kid. You associate your bonded with safety and trust. Your magic follows your experiences, thoughts, feelings, will. It's a part of you. Stop trying to see it as a separate entity." She persists.
I can't say anything. Everything she says makes sense, but I don't know how to train myself to use magic on my own. I wish Starshadow or Daamien or Aurora could be here. I want to get better at magic, so not be affected by everything around me. Maybe the vasatya are right.
"How do I fix my magic then?" I ask.
"It's not about fixing it, kid. Geez, you really are a human, aren't you? Humans, all they ever want to do is turn magic away from what it is. I thought Haru would pick better than that." The girl huffs and stands up. She waves Rakan to come down. "Go run her around a little bit more. The only reason why I tried is because Haru spoke up for her."
"Don't worry, honey. She's young too. She can learn." Rakan pulls her into a hug and kisses her head. He rubs her back before stepping up to me, gesturing for me to follow. I sigh and do so.
I feel like I'm disappointing all these people. Haru, Rakan, that girl, Daamien, Aurora, Starshadow. All these people are trying to help me. All of them have put so much effort into helping me, yet I feel like a failure. I can't give the answer that Rakan wants. I've made the girl mad that I haven't said the right thing. Haru's trying to help me out by getting me teachers, but I… just… Why can't I get it right?
Still, I run behind Rakan, using my magic to help me keep up with the fast vain vastaya. The silence and the constant movement actually helps me calm down. I have improved according to her, but not enough. What am I doing wrong? What am I supposed to do? After a month, I'm pretty sure I should have gotten the answer, but apparently, I'm still unable to do so.
"You need to get out of your head more." Rakan startles me. I barely manage to avoid running into him as he flits around me, flipping and running alongside me.
"How do I do that?" I ask.
"You gotta calm down. Sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on your shoulders to get things right. Magic, that itself is right. There's nothing you need to fix when it comes to magic. It's you, how you think, how you work, how you do you, that needs to adjust. Then, you'll grow that flower." Rakan ruffles my head fondly.
"I just feel… I feel like I can't do anything right. I want to get better, I really do, but it just seems like everything I'm doing is wrong." I try to convey my feelings.
"Wanna talk about it? You sound like you could use an ear to help." Rakan offers, flying up another tree and hanging upside down. It's clear he's just going to hang there until I talk, so I slow down and stop.
"Just… recently, I have so much magic, but everywhere I've been, I feel like I couldn't change anything because of my magic. I couldn't help a daughter of a warmother deal with her family. I couldn't help a young boy from Demacia be free. I couldn't even get a little girl's sisters to stop bullying her. And then I couldn't stop a boy from being taken on the Shadow Isles. I wasn't strong enough to fight for them before I had to leave." I blurt out. Rakan's eyes soften a little bit.
"Tell me everything." He coaxes. He's not being silly or acting like what I'm feeling is wrong. He's willing to listen. Maybe someone who doesn't care about me as much will be able to help.
So, I tell him. Like in my mind or when I was telling the brothers, I feel everything bubble to the surface. It's a lot, telling Rakan all of my history. He's a good listener though, never interrupting or being more distracting than he already is. His face doesn't show what he's thinking, at all. At the end of my tale, the sun's almost set. It's starting to get time to go back.
"And that's… that's everything."
"Damn. No wonder why you're struggling with your magic. You're struggling with yourself." Rakan flips himself off the branch and lands on his feet, though he's posturing as he lands. He wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me with him. "None of what happened sounded like it was your fault."
"But I have magic. I have a gift and I can do something with it! I can-"
"Only do as much as you can. Tell me, how were you supposed to know that Grena would go off the rails? Or Sylas would plead guilty instead?" Rakan interrupts a little bit.
"But I could have used magic, changed how people saw and heard things and-"
"Possibly made things worse in Demacia. Under the circumstances, you did very well." Rakan states.
"That's what Daamien and Aurora said. I don't know, maybe I could have done something different." I try to protest.
"There are plenty of things that everyone wants to have done differently. I was out and about, trying to get humans to understand just how important magic is to vastaya, when my village was lost. Even when I was performing, no one bothered to actually hear my warning. It wasn't until my girl found me that I found a purpose. Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if I remained, but… nothing would have changed. Maybe I would be gone as well. I'm doing my best to make up for it. Sounds to me like you are struggling to understand what you're supposed to do now." Rakan rambles a little bit.
"And what am I supposed to do? I can't be a guide or a war healer or anything because I can't do them right. I don't even know if I can be a farmer." I sit down on a nearby root.
"You keep just being you." Rakan answers.
I don't know how to respond to that. Be me? How the hell do I just be me? These vastaya are so confusing. I was chosen because of what I am like. Aurora chose me for the kindness I had in my soul. Daamien… well, Zoe chose him for me. I should probably ask why when I see her next. And Starshadow because I would house Aurora.
"What do you mean by that?" I mumble, feeling a little defeated.
"What were you before all this happened?" Rakan changes the topic.
"A farmer girl interested in the stories of others so I could remember them. I would use their stories to help others. I always wanted to help others, though I always tried the talking way. I never wanted to fight." I recall. A soft smile sneaks onto my face. That's right. I was happy back at home. I helped others.
"Sounds to me like your magic does exactly what you want to do. You want to help and you don't want to hurt. Sure, you have a curse to help keep you in check, but your magic… it's you." Rakan pushes a little bit.
He's right. All the magic that I considered to be out of control, it's part of how I really want to act. I don't use illusions that often because I'm too honest a girl. I'd rather use my magic to show a better story. I can hold people from fighting and heal. That's all me. That's who I am.
"Seems to me like you are starting to understand." The girl appears next to us. I jump. She seems to have just melted out of the shadows.
"Can you please stop scaring me?" I try to keep the whine out of my voice.
"So, now that you have finally realized that your magic isn't out of your control, can you grow this flower into a bloom?" She asks, scooping up the same seed from months ago. It's the same black color as it was. I call forth my magic, gently poking at the seed. It still slumbers. The girl frowns, annoyed. What am I missing? To grow a plant, you need water, nutrients, sun, and… time.
"I need to be patient, don't I?" I ask, finally understanding what Rakan was alluding to. The man gives a happy hoot and a punch to the air.
"Yes! Finally! It's about time you realized that. For being a former farmer girl, you lost sight of what you are capable of." Rakan cheers.
"Maybe there's hope for you yet." The girl smiles softly. She offers out a hand. "The name's Xayah."
"Nice to meet you. And… thank you. For all the help. Even if most of it was just running." I take her hand.
"That was just an attempt to get you to calm down enough to realize nothing is wrong with you. That and Rakan has too much energy. You did a good job of distracting him." Xayah smirks. I almost want to scream and laugh at the same time. "Tell Haru that our job is done, and we hope that his little favor was worth it."
"Alright. Thank you." I get ready to get back to the clinic when something in my gut stops me. "Hey, Xayah?"
"What's up?" She asks.
"If I'm in trouble, can I ask you to help?"
"You got magic, kid. You can help yourself... but we'll have to see." Xayah smirks. My lips quirk up and I run off. Most likely, I'll see them again at some point. If I reappear in Ionia as many times as I have, I will.
The run back to the clinic is different. Instead of a feeling of exhaustion and dread, I feel free. I feel right. I know it's right to feel the way I do. I even leap up on my shadow steps and flip off them, like how Rakan often runs around. It's really fun, now that I'm not stressed. Farmers that have seen me pass by wave to me as I cross their fields. I happily wave back and keep running. It's not a long run, not like the first time. My magic really has been helping me a lot, as before it took an hour to get to our training spot. Now, it feels like only a few minutes with my magic assisting. I barely even feel tired. I'm better than I have been in a long time.
When I get back, my good mood immediately disappears. The clinic is almost overwhelmed by patients. Each patient has a bite mark somewhere on them. I'm pulled into the swarm happily, working myself into helping those in need. Yan notices my return and directs me to the patients that need the most help. Those patients are losing too much blood or badly injured are the ones I tend to. For the first time, I don't feel a headache or my vision blur while I use my talents. I mend, I heal, I comfort for as long as I'm needed. It seems like it's finally clicked for me. I can help without exhausting myself. Patient after patient passes by. Everyone's faces blur.
"Thank you, miss." An elderly woman pats my shoulder as I finish mending her ankle. It's as good as new once I'm done.
"What happened out there?" I ask. I recognize who's doing the biting. Vulkodalks.
"Oh, dear me. I'm not so sure. One minute, I was resting in my room. The next, there's a huge commotion. My son and daughter are screaming, calling for me to run. I don't know what happened, but I went to grab my grandson and hobble out as fast as I can. When I left the house, my kids are doing their best to keep the vulkodalks from overrunning u- My grandson! Has anyone seen my grandson? His name is Hoshi!" She cries out, worried for her family. My face pales.
"What happened to his mother and uncle?" I ask, a little desperate. My head spins. I helped them a month ago.
"I'm not sure, they just told me to run. Hoshi!" She keeps calling out. I grit my teeth and run out of the room. I summon my magic, begging it to take me to where I need to go to see what happened to Hoshi's family.
"Leilah! We need you here!" Luna yells over everyone, somehow managing to spot me. I ignore it. I helped deliver that baby. He needs his mother. The white light directs me to a farm a few minutes out. Already, there's a pack of vulkodalks snarling, fighting over different things. A chew toy in the form of a rake, the grains on the farm… A missing arm. A bunch of them are scrambling up the side of a small hut. Sitting on the top is the woman and her brother. The man's clutching his sister to his side, tucking her into his embrace. I see two arms on the man, so it's her that's lost her arm. I can't help her regrow that back, but I can give her her life.
I thrust a hand up. Immediately, a huge dragon, covered in glowing black scales like Daamien's form, flies overhead. An ear shattering roar fills everything's ears. The vulkodalks look up and immediately shriek. They flee from wherever they came from. The siblings on the roof cover their ears as best as they can. The great beast lands in front of them and hunches down. It opens it's great wings and roars a challenge. The fields become silent. I summon my shadow steps and race up to the roof. The siblings notice me clamor up and gesture me to rush over to them, terrified. I still race over, though it's for an entirely different reason. When I reach the two of them, the woman's eyes are hazy. I rest a hand on her shoulder. The injury immediately seals and heals over.
I can't make out what they are saying. My dragon might have also deafened me… they gesture frantically behind me… at the dragon. I nod in understanding before pressing my hands against their ears.
"That's mine." I state shortly. I help the woman to her feet while her brother sits there stunned. I carefully bring the mother down to the ground before going back for the uncle. He's trembling as I bring him back down to the ground.
"The vulkodalks, are they gone?" He whispers.
"Well, you saw them. They ran for it when the dragon roared." I grunt. I think the woman is still in shock as it's very hard for me to walk with her. Her brother scoops her up and runs behind me. I'm about to run when I hear the softest of skittering around us. I stop and look around.
"Miss?"
"Go. I'll keep them off you." I mutter quietly. He pales, looking whiter than I am, but nods his head. He rushes off while I take my stand.
Little beady eyes peer from the darkness. I throw up a bright blue borealis so I can see. I wish I hadn't. So many beady eyes are looking at me. I know for a fact that there are much less creatures than eyes, but seeing so many being reflected in the dark is terrifying. A huge one steps forward. It's shoulders tower over me. I blanch. It's jaws are big enough to snap me in half, my legs on the ground while my torso in it's stomach. Still, a new mother and her brother are trying to get to safety. I can't let this thing by.
It stalks forward, sharp claws scoring the ground. I throw up a shadow shield when it gets too close. It clamors on top slowly, it's claws piercing the shield easily. I get the sense that it's… amused? It sees prey cocooned in shadow. It smells me. It wants me. It presses a claw against my shield. I want to scream when it's talon easily cuts through. It's wrong. It hurts. I'm not safe here. It lets out a howl as it swipes my shield. Its talons open my magic, but I close it quickly. Still, it's painful. It feels like it tore my core. Still, I heal quickly, repairing my shield at the same time, though I can't stand up and watch it happen. The pain is too much to watch. Still, I feel it's fury. It uses both its front paws now, snarling and biting. Still, I fight the barrage. I need to last long enough to make sure the two adults make it back to the clinic.
It's getting through. I'm slowly becoming more and more tired. I used to keep up. Now I'm being worn down. I can hear the pack's excitement over their prey falling. They almost seem to close in. I have to shrink down my shield or risk the damn thing getting in. I shrink it small enough to the point where the shield is almost touching the top of my head. I feel the talons slice across my shoulders, I have to condense my shield that much.
The smell of my blood sends them into a frenzy. I hear their teeth snap. Some sound like they are cutting into flesh. Then the sounds of yelps and squeals that cut off in gurgles. I want to cover my ears, but that takes energy… I'm not… strong enough...
"Aseryo!" I want to collapse in relief at the sound of Yasuo's cry. The winds swirl around me, sweeping them all away. My shoulder finally makes itself known. Throbbing, normally debilitating pain. With my shield no longer needed, my magic finally gets to healing my injury. I press my right hand to my injured shoulder as I stand up. I'm panting, struggling to breath and recover from all that use of magic. I can't believe that I might actually say this, but thank you Rakan for all that running
The stubborn vulkodalk that was originally hunting me recovers first. It sees me stand and stare it down. It does not like that, immediately going to pounce on me. That would have normally worked if it wasn't for a special dual-weilding swordsman stepping in and slaying it in front of me. I flinch as it's blood sprays onto me, but at least it can't hurt me anymore. I don't bother moving as Yone and Yasuo handle the rest of the pack.
I hiss as my hand comes away with my blood. The site of the injury is already scabbed over, and that's all I'm letting it do. I'm probably going to have to help out back at the clinic anyway, so I can heal it up later. I found that skill out one run on the way back. I'm still timeless, no scars will remain, so matter how long or deep a scab is.
Squeals and screams begin to die off in the night. Eventually, it's quiet again, though the birds dare not risk attracting any attention. There's no need to worry though, the vulkodalks are gone.
"Leilah?" Yone asks, like he's unable to believe that I'm here. I smile and wave my non bloody hand. Yasuo sheathes his sword and pointedly looks away while Yone captures my lips with his.
Sorry this is late-ish! I got caught up in HW and the time jump messed me up a bit.
On this chapter's summary, Leilah's a remarkably powerful mage and she's starting to get a bit more control. She's been incredibly uneasy with all her so-called failures. Six months to just refocus herself and calm herself down... That's kind of her break of training. And the vulkodalks are back. That's annoying as all hell. At least the brothers are back, and we're going to see exactly how Leilah is going to deal with the vulkodalks. It's a bit short as I am excited for the future chapters and I don't want to spoil anything.
I'm starting a new thing. Each week, I'm going to give a bit of a blessing related to a champion in alphabetical order and my usual sendoff as I don't want to be boring. So, this week is Akali... May you all have the courage and strength to go where you want in life, and I hope your days are as extraordinary as you are.