The phone clattered to the floor with a loud bang. It might've broken. If she was in the right headspace, Bonnie would've checked, but right now, she couldn't move. Didn't even know if she was breathing. Everything was just frozen.

"Are you okay?"

Marceline calling from the kitchen. Bonnie opened her mouth to respond, but all that came out was a strangled little gasp.

It was like opening her mouth had opened her up to everything else, and everything that had frozen unfroze at the exact same time. All of the breaths she should've been taking came out in one but none of it did her any good, because none of the air felt like it could reach her lungs, none of it could get past the knot in her throat. No. Bonnie knew what was happening, and it was like she was panicking about panicking as well as everything else. She hadn't had an attack like this in years, and it was as though every single worry she'd ever had between this and the last panic attack were coming back with a vengeance.

She was on the floor, hands gripping carpet in an effort to feel something outside of this. She didn't know how she got down there, didn't remember falling or sitting or anything. Her head felt heavy. Or was it light? All she knew was that she didn't know anything. Just panic. Just pure, unadulterated panic.

Hands on hers made her jump. They were soft but not at the same time. Was she crying? She went to move her hand to check but remembered someone was holding them. She choked on another breath, but this time instead of silent panic, a loud sob escaped.

"Bonnie, hey, it's okay," Fingers threaded through hers properly, and she heard Marceline's gentle, melodic voice, "come on, Bon. Look at me. Don't think about anything else. Look at me."

Bonnie let out another sound. This time it was half a sob and half a whimper, some attempt at vocalisation that got lost in all the panic. Her breath caught in her throat again, and this time, she felt a hand on her cheek, a gentle, calloused thumb wiping away the tears.

"Just open your eyes, Bonnie. That's all I want." Marceline said, her voice so soft. Fingers were in her hair now, and Bonnie didn't know if she'd ever felt a touch so gentle. "Open your eyes and look at me."

Bonnie listened. Despite everything, despite the worries swirling around in her head, despite the fact that she just couldn't get a breath to stick, she listened. Slowly, her eyes opened, and all she saw was beautiful green.

"There she is," Marceline smiled, her fingers still weaving their way through strawberry blonde hair, "Have I ever told you how pretty your eyes are? I mean, you're entirely pretty, but I really love your eyes."

Love. Girlfriend. Homophobia. Parents. Phone. Bonnie's thoughts went exactly like that, and her breath caught in her throat again, another strangled sob escaping. She wanted to close her eyes again. Wanted to just ride it out, let the panic wreak its havoc on her the way it always had. It hurt, it always did, but there was never any alternative.

"Hey, hey, I've got you," Marceline's arms were around her now, and Bonnie felt something strange. Almost safe. "You know, as the best singer to ever grace the surface of this planet, I know some pretty good breathing exercises. Want to try with me? They'll get you ready for your next performance. I was serious when I said I wanted you to sing with me."

Bonnie nodded quite hysterically. Anything. Anything if it would help her just breathe.

"Okay, just follow my breathing, alright? We're going to go in," Marceline breathed in, and Bonnie forced herself to copy, her hands gripping tightly to Marceline's t-shirt, "and out. Big breath in… and big breath out."

She was hyperaware of all the bad thoughts in her head, and the way the phone was lying right there on the floor, only a few feet away. She forced herself to look away from it, to just look into Marceline's beautiful green eyes and follow her breathing. She clung onto her girlfriend like she was her lifeline – frankly, in that moment, she was – and found comfort in the way Marceline's arms were around her, not too tight but tight enough to reassure her that she was there.

Air finally returned to her lungs and her heart slowed down. Not entirely back to normal, because Bonnie shook when she reached up to wipe away the tears that were still silently falling, but at least it was somewhat calm crying. If that was possible. She didn't feel like she was about to die anymore, at least. One silver lining.

She collapsed into Marceline, burying her face in her girlfriend's shirt. Just her. Just think about her. That was the mantra she repeated in her head. Nothing about Marceline could ever make Bonnie feel frightened. Forever reaffirming just how perfect she was, Marceline seemed to realise what she needed and just held her close, rubbing gentle circles into her back.

Her voice was muffled in the shoulder of Marceline's t-shirt, but Bonnie finally managed to get some real words out. "Sing. Please."

"Oh," Marceline sounded surprised, and Bonnie could imagine her cute little confused face. It did a lot to make her feel better. "Okay. Um…"

She cleared her throat, and Bonnie's stomach fluttered when she started singing Paper Rings. She cuddled into her and listened, focusing on that instead of the pain, feeling the way Marceline's chest vibrated as she sang, listening to how she hit every note effortlessly. Paper Rings changed to Lover, then Adore You by Harry Styles, then Easy by Camila Cabello, and after that, Bonnie finally surfaced. She still felt a little bit shaky, but that was to be expected.

"Hey," Marceline said after a few moments of Bonnie just looking at her. "You don't have to talk about it. Especially if it's going to upset you."

Bonnie's mouth worked, and all she managed to get out was a small, "I… it…"

"It's okay, Bon," Marceline assured her, flashing her that gorgeous smile, "I think right now, we just need to get some food in you. And when you've calmed down properly, if you feel up to it, we can talk about it. If you don't, and you just want to cuddle, that's fine too. Whatever you feel comfortable with."

Bonnie let Marceline help her up and slowly walk her back into the kitchen. She almost went to apologise to Marceline, because what if her panic attack had made her burn dinner? But as Marceline carefully sat her down at the kitchen table, Bonnie saw she'd switched the stove off.

Marceline kissed the top of her head and gave her one last squeeze around the middle before going over to the stove again. Bonnie sat, almost catatonic, and blinked in surprise when Marceline put a plate in front of her.

"I gave you two, but there's loads left, and Peter can help himself when he gets home," Marceline said, pulling out the chair next to her and sitting down. "I'll make you a cup of tea, if that'll make you feel better."

Bonnie wanted to tell her that she'd done more than enough, and that she should relax and eat her dinner, but all she could do was nod quietly.

Marceline smiled, leaning in and pressing a kiss to her cheek. "Okay. You eat up, though."

She stood up again and squeezed Bonnie's shoulder comfortingly before she walked over to the kettle and flicked it on. She grabbed a fresh mug, and Bonnie watched her, absently eating her food, not really tasting it at all. She was just aware of it going in.

When Marceline put the mug of tea in front of her, Bonnie forced another word out. She didn't have the energy for much else. "Sorry."

Marceline blinked at her, and her gaze was so soft that it made Bonnie's heart clench. "Come on, Bonnie. What are you even apologising for? You don't have to hold everything together all the time. It's okay to cry. This thing we've got going on here, it's all mutual. You take care of me and I take care of you."

"I just…" Bonnie squeezed her eyes shut when she felt that tearful sting again, "I haven't- I haven't panicked like that in years."

Marceline put an arm around her carefully, pulling her closer. "You don't have to talk about it. But if you want to, and you feel comfortable, and it won't trigger anything else, then I'm all ears."

Of course she was going to talk to her about it. It wasn't even a question. Bonnibel relaxed into Marceline's touch, because if there was anything she felt around the other girl, it was safe.

"It was…" Bonnie paused, letting out another long breath and wiping away a stray tear from her cheek. "It was mum. On the phone."

Clearly, Marceline hadn't been expecting that. Her eyes widened, and her voice was less soft and comforting and more what the fuck when she blurted out, "Oh, what? What did she say?"

"Nothing, really. Just… just asked if it was me," Bonnie sucked in a deep breath and breathed it out slowly, like Marceline had shown her before. She didn't want to panic again. "It was the shock, I think. That set me off. I- I'd just… I'd accepted I'd never hear from any of them ever again. Even though I didn't get any real closure, I'd finally accepted it. And then she just- she just does that and messes me up all over again and-"

"Hey, hey," Marceline cupped her jaw and made her look her in the eyes again, cutting the panic off before it could start, "It's okay. Slowly, alright?"

"Okay," Bonnie tapped on the kitchen table a few times, taking in another breath. "I dropped the phone when I realised it was her. It was like just hearing her voice reopened that barely healed wound, you know? I don't even know what she wanted. It just terrified me. And then I was scared about panicking in front of you. I've always… I've always been one to bottle the more negative feelings. Because if my parents, the people who are supposed to love me no matter what, can abandon me, what's to say other people won't if I was too much to deal with? That's partially why I didn't call you, or Lady, or even go downstairs to talk to Peter last time I felt myself spiralling with the whole study until I drop thing. Didn't want to be a burden."

"You could never be a burden to me," Marceline said, squeezing her hand tightly. Bonnie must've looked a little disbelieving, because she kept going with that reassurance. "Relationships aren't always about the good parts, because let's face it, nobody is happy all the time. I love you, and that means I've got your back no matter what, even when you're not at your best. I want all of you. Not just your good days, but the bad ones too."

Bonnie's mouth worked, and she felt the tears falling again, but this time, they weren't bad ones. She threw herself on Marceline with a hug, because she'd never experienced unconditional love like this, and she really hoped that Marceline felt how much Bonnie wanted to give her the same.

"Hey, no tears, Bonnie," Marceline said, hand rubbing circles into her back through her cardigan, "I'm trying to get you smiling here."

"No, it's not- they're not sad tears," Bonnie managed to get out, clinging onto her girlfriend tightly, "It's just… everyone has always come with conditions, you know? And then you come along, and you just let me be. You're there for me and you make me smile and you're so patient and you love me so much it makes my head spin. I really hope I do the same for you, because it means so much to me."

She felt Marceline's chest rumble with light laughter. "Of course you do. You know you do."

Bonnie pulled away, and she found it hard to believe she was smiling after that, but she was. It was weak and watery, but it was there.

It soon died, however, and she leaned back against her chair, one hand still holding Marceline's, tethering herself to her beautiful anchor. "Do you think I should call her back? Find out what she wanted?"

Marceline flashed a sad smile. "I think that's something only you can decide. And you don't have to decide now."

"I know that," Bonnie sighed. Perhaps it would be better to vocalise her thoughts. If it were anybody else in the room with her, she wouldn't. But it was Marceline. "They abandoned me. Just because they thought I might be a lesbian. And I actually am. Even if they were calling to reconcile, like if by some miracle that bully told them she tricked me, what's to say they wouldn't just abandon me again? I don't believe that they've suddenly had some kind of epiphany and now they're attending pride parades. Not with the amount of homophobia rooted in that family."

"But then there's Neddy," Bonnie murmured, because if there was one person she wanted to see, it was her little brother. "If I have a chance to stay in contact with my brother… I should take it, right? And maybe… maybe forgiveness would help me get over it. Maybe reconciling with them would help me heal. I mean… do you forgive your dad for everything?"

Marceline scoffed. "No. I don't owe him anything, and certainly not that. And you don't owe your parents anything, either. When they decided to bring a child into this world, they made a promise that they'd love you no matter what. They broke that promise. You don't owe them anything. It should be them asking for your forgiveness, not you offering it."

"Maybe that's why she called," Bonnie said quietly, letting a long breath out through her nose, "I don't… I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to go and get the phone right now and call back, but another part of me wants to forget she ever called. Especially because I know… in my gut, I know that the moment they find out I'm actually gay, it'll be an emotional beatdown. And, honestly, I never want them to meet you, because that would be harmful to you, and I'd have caused that by proxy. And there's no way in hell I'm letting you go. We're a package deal, you and me."

Marceline shrugged easily. "Don't let me influence your decision, Bon. You need to choose what's best for you."

"If it's something that's going to affect you too, I think about what's best for you," Bonnie corrected her, because she wasn't going to make any stupid, rash decisions. "Not only would my parents say horrible things to you because you're bisexual, but they'd bring out all of their favourite slurs because you're biracial. They were… very racist. I won't put you through their bigotry. No way."

It was almost as if the mental picture of her parents meeting Marceline had set her resolve. Before Marceline could say anything, Bonnie scowled down at the table and said, loud and clear, "Fuck them."

"I'll never get used to hearing you curse," Marceline laughed gently, and after a few moments of silence, she added, "You're going to call me crazy, but I think you should call them. You're going to go crazy wondering what it was that she wanted, and honestly… I think you need the closure. If you're really set on saying fuck it and never speaking to them again, you deserve closure. But I don't want you to stay estranged from your parents if you're only doing it because of me. I know how much you miss having that family dynamic."

Bonnie thought about her words, and then went through her feelings. When she pictured her parents, there was a longing, but not for them. For the idea of them, the idea of parents who would accept her for her sexuality, invite her girlfriend over for dinners and make her part of the family too. In her heart, she knew that would never be them.

"It's like you said," Bonnie replied, "Family isn't always the people you're related to. You can find your own family. I'm going to call back, but not to reconcile. For closure. And if there's a chance, for my little brother. He's the only one I want in my life. I'm not going to do it tonight, though. I'm emotionally exhausted."

"I'm not surprised," Marceline said, wrapping her arms around her again in a comforting hug, "You've been through a lot tonight."

"Will you sleep over?" Bonnie asked; they hadn't planned on it, but because they'd had a few impromptu sleepovers in the past, Bonnibel had a little drawer with some of Marceline's things, and the red toothbrush in the holder belonged to her too. "I'm mostly okay, and I know it's usually the other way around, but I think I need you to hold me tonight."

"Of course," Marceline squeezed her around the middle, "Anything you need."

Sighing, Bonnie snuggled her face into her girlfriend's shoulder. Yes, she thought, if they think a love like this is an abomination, then I want nothing to do with them.