Tightrope (by Michelle Williams)
"High in the sky, we can see the whole world down below. We're walking the tightrope . . ."
It was now or never.
Bethany glanced at Owen, who looked just as nervous. Noticing her look, he managed to give her a small smile, and that was enough to urge her forward. Walking up to the tent, she hesitated before pushing the curtain aside, ducking through the entrance. The inside was lit only by candles, some of which floated through the air, hovering above their heads. It did only a little to brighten up the tent, however, because Bethany had to squint to see properly.
Her eyes darted everywhere, soaking it all in. What appeared to be tarot cards and crystals perched on a bookshelf, which only appeared to be used for decoration. She was half-convinced that the books on the shelf were for decoration, too, but didn't comment on that. An old carpet was laid out underneath their feet, symbols that she didn't recognize scattered across it. And in the center of the room was a woman with greying hair, wearing purple Magisterian robes matched with earrings so long they seemed to touch her shoulders.
The only word to describe the tent was mystifying, and its appearance lived up to Bethany's expectations— which weren't much to begin with. In any other circumstance that didn't involve being here to save the fictional world, Bethany would never be caught dead in a place like this. Fortune tellers had never made much sense to her. At least in the real world, they obviously were just scamming people to earn money. Or they told fortunes that were so vague they could've applied to anyone, but still, people believed it.
Okay, she'd never actually gone to one, but she could still picture all the reasons why fortune tellers shouldn't be trusted so easily. Her mother had told her some stories of fortune tellers she'd encountered, back when she lived in California with Bethany's aunt. Sentences like "She took all my money!" and "All she told me was that I'd get married and die. That goes for ninety-nine percent of the population!" came out of her mouth, so Bethany was fairly positive that real fortune tellers just didn't exist.
And if they really could see the future, well, she didn't think she'd want to know. Not unless it involved bringing her dad home and all her friends back, and finally living as normal and happy of a life as possible. Well, as normal a life as someone like her could live. Someone with the power to jump into books. That was the only fortune she'd want to hear— not that anyone from the nonfictional world could tell her that, because according to everyone living outside of Bethany's well-kept secret, her half-fictional powers just didn't exist. And neither did the fictional world.
Ironically, if this didn't work, the fictional world would never have existed, anyway. And then, no one would be able to cross over, not even Bethany. So to the nonfictional world, it might've seemed like nothing had changed. The only difference, of course, was that every book in the world was blank. But once the fictional worlds merged . . . she shuddered. There was no way she could let that happen. And worse, she had no idea what that'd do to both the worlds. Whatever happened, it wouldn't be good.
"Um, hello?" Owen said, poking his head in after Bethany. Kiel followed closely after, and they stumbled into the tent, which seemed smaller with all three of them inside.
The woman slowly rose from the stool she'd been sitting on, giving them a smile. "Hello, you may call me Madam Isadora. I see you've come a long way to be here."
She had a slight accent, not quite sounding American, but not sounding like anything Bethany could distinctly recognize, either. All Magisterians sounded that way, and through Kiel, Bethany had grown used to it. Quanterians had one, too, though their's was slightly different from Magisteria's, laced with sharper, more enunciated words.
"How did she know that?" Owen whispered to Bethany, his eyes widening.
"Everyone's come a long way to be here," Bethany whispered back. "We're in the middle of nowhere!"
"Hmm. I see one of you is skeptical," the fortune teller said in amusement, and when Bethany glanced over, she realized the woman was staring at her. "Well, there's no need for that. My predictions are never wrong."
"We're here to ask the crystal ball some questions," Bethany said firmly, to make it clear she wasn't getting her fortune told. The only thing that mattered was what the crystal ball said, and honestly, the idea of knowing her own future was just . . . kind of unsettling. Especially now.
"Ah, yes, you will get to talk to the crystal ball." Her gaze swept across the four of them. "But the question is: will it talk to you?"
Bethany barely restrained herself from rolling her eyes.
"Wait, doesn't it have to talk to us?" Owen asked, his tone laced with worry. "It can't just not answer, right?"
"Yes, of course it will give you an answer." She lifted her hands, waving them around. "But the universe works in mysterious ways. The answer may not always be clear. It may not even make sense right away, but eventually, it will come to you." A shadow passed over her face. "Or it might never come to you." A beat passed, and she giggled suddenly, causing Owen to jump. "Just kidding! The crystal ball can be hard to read, that is all. You must enjoy the suspense." She drawled out the last word, acting more dramatic than what was necessary.
So it would answer them, it'd just be hard to read. Great. Bethany frowned. "So we might not even know what the answer is?"
"Ah, no, you will. The crystal ball means what it says. But it also means what it doesn't say."
Was she kidding? Bethany heard herself groan, and out of the corner of her eye, she was almost positive she saw Owen roll his eyes. Before either of them could say anything else, Kiel (the less annoyed of the two) spoke up from beside her. "So the crystal ball is working?"
"Working?" Mid-smile, the fortune teller looked at him, confused. "Why would it not be working?"
Kiel's hands fidgeted, lingering where his wand-knives used to be. "You know, because magic hasn't been the most reliable lately. With it backfiring and all." He winked. "That might be something to warn your costumers about!"
"Oh, yeah," Owen added. "Sometimes it hasn't even been working, which would be really bad for your business." He quickly corrected himself, his face reddening. "Not that your business is bad!"
Bethany was grateful Kiel had asked that at all. She turned to Madam Isadora expectantly, the three of them watching with nervous anticipation. Her nails tapped against the hard surface of the stool, filling up the silence. Either she had never considered magic might be backfiring before, or she was annoyed at them for bringing it up. Even though Bethany wanted to be sure the magic wouldn't blow up in their faces, she still hung onto the hope that it would work. No matter how dangerous it might be.
The fortune teller looked lost in thought, seemingly weighing her options. Then with a shake of her head, she scoffed. "Of course the crystal ball is working. Would I have come to the carnival if it was not? I'll take each of you individually." She snapped her fingers at Bethany. "You, girl with the red hair. I'll take you first."
Weren't they supposed to ask the crystal ball together? Bethany exchanged a weird look with Owen. "Uh, okay."
"Good luck!" Kiel called after her.
Bethany glanced at him, and an unrecognizable swirl of emotions swelled in her chest. Unconsciously, she smiled, managing to get one word out. "Thanks."
She followed Madam Isadora into a separate room that she hadn't noticed before, which was hidden behind a curtain. The area she entered was even smaller than the rest of the tent, with a round table in the center, and two chairs positioned across from each other. And in the center of the table was an object, covered by a purple cloth. That was it! The crystal ball.
"Sit down, please," the lady said, settling into one of the chairs. Once Bethany had done as she was asked, Madam Isadora held her hands out, as if reaching for Bethany. "Please lay your palm on the table."
Bethany furrowed her brows. "I'm just here to ask the crystal ball some questions, not to get my fortune told."
The woman waved her off. "Oh, this is standard procedure for that, too. A simple palm reading — which will predict your fortune — and then you may ask the crystal ball a question." She gestured, more insistently, for Bethany's hand. "Now, give me your hand."
Trying not to feel impatient, Bethany withheld the urge to roll her eyes, placing her hand, palm up, on the table. As soon as she did, Madam Isadora reached over to clasp Bethany's hand in her own. She ran her fingers over the lines that were embedded in Bethany's hand, staring at it with an intensity that made her a little uncomfortable. Not wanting to ruin her chances of getting answers, however, she didn't pull away. Not even when the fortune teller started murmuring to herself, making Bethany increasingly nervous.
"Hmm, you're giving off some strange readings. I sense magic inside you, but not quite magic. Something more foreign."
Uh-oh. She'd gotten questions about her powers before, and those always seemed to complicate things. Whether it was villains gaining an interest in her powers, wanting it for themselves, or someone regarding her more suspiciously because of them. The focus being on her powers was the last thing she needed right now, not when the crystal ball was sitting mere inches away.
Luckily, Madam Isadora changed the topic. "And I see you endured a very tragic past." Her eyes flickered up, meeting Bethany's with a sympathetic look. "But no matter. Bad experiences make strong people. I am seeing . . . someone important to you disappeared from your life. And you gained guilt. So much guilt."
Did she have to bring that up? And how did she know all of that, anyway? Bethany felt a little relieved, though, that the fortune teller hadn't been able to detect what her entire backstory was, as she'd prefer a stranger to not poke around in her brain, getting all of that information. Bethany shifted uncomfortably in her seat, suddenly feeling like the room was overbearingly small. She tried to say something, but her mouth had become so dry that she could barely say a coherent word. She swallowed hard, and finally was able to push out a sentence.
"What does this have to do with my fortune?"
The fortune teller waved her off. "I'm getting to it." She peered closer at her palm, only to let out a small gasp. "Your fate . . . I see two paths you can take. Two choices. The one that you choose will change your future . . ." Her eyes widened. "And the future of the world as we know it."
Bethany leaned closer, her heart beating wildly in her chest. She didn't know if she believed everything this lady was saying, but that perked her interest. It carried weight. A lot of weight. "Which one do I choose?" she asked, poorly-masked desperation seeping into her voice. "How do I know which one to choose?"
"You will know when the time comes."
"Well, what if one is the wrong decision?"
"There is no wrong or right decision. I am only here to guide you to the right path! Trust in the magic. It's never wrong." She released Bethany's hand, who pulled it away almost instantly, letting it fall back onto her lap. "Now, you may ask the crystal ball a question. One question, and I will give you an answer."
With probably more flair than was necessary, Madam Isadora whipped the piece of cloth away, revealing a crystal ball underneath. Bethany expected an all-knowing, magical crystal ball to actually look how it sounded, but it looked exactly like the type she'd seen in books and movies. The only mystical thing about it was the smoke swirling inside. Huh. Well, it didn't matter how it looked. What mattered was the answers she was about to get, and the very thought made her excitement grow.
"Voila!" Madam Isadora said, waving her hands around the crystal ball, as if to emphasize its presence. "It's round shape represents the ability to see from all directions: past, present, and future. And based on that, it will give you the answer to your most burning question. Close your eyes, and think of what you want to ask it."
Bethany let her eyes flicker closed, and one question came to mind.
How do we fix the worlds?
Without warning, the fortune teller started to chant, mumbling words that seemed to be in a different language entirely. The language of magic, if Bethany could guess, because while she'd never known what any of the words actually meant, the spells had never been in English, or in any language she recognized, for that matter. The only other person besides Kiel who might know what she was saying was Owen, but that was kind of a stretch. For that reason, she had no idea what the fortune teller was saying, and could only assume that she was activating the crystal ball, pushing it to deliver an answer.
Bethany expected something momentous to happen, like a sudden flash of light, or for the objects in the room to start floating, or even a crack of thunder from outside, to signify that an answer had been given. Something dramatic and over-the-top, as these situations tended to be. But when Madam Isadora stopped chanting altogether, the room was dead silent.
Confused, Bethany cracked her eyes open to see the fortune teller waving her hands around the crystal ball, which only showed . . . nothing. Inside it, the only thing Bethany could see was spoke. It didn't make any sense. She wasn't an expert, but weren't there supposed to be images projecting from the inside?
Finally, Madam Isadora stopped waving her arms around, opening her eyes widely. "The crystal ball has told me . . . your answer is to trust your heart, and do what you think is best." Without waiting for an answer, she stood up from her chair, an almost smug smile on her face. "You may go. Tell one of your friends to come in."
Bethany's jaw dropped in disbelief. That was it? And then the shock slowly faded away, replaced by anger. That was it? She wouldn't accept it. That couldn't be the answer. It had to be a joke. How did following her heart have anything to do with fixing the worlds? Following her heart had led to this mess, and now she needed to get out of it. The crystal ball was supposed to tell nothing but the truth, and not only that, but it'd tell more than advice. It was supposed to give instructions, not a vaguely-motivating phrase that sounded like it might come from a fortune cookie.
As she slowly got up to leave, something became abundantly clear: this wasn't the crystal ball. Not the real one, anyway, and certainly not the one Owen had told her about. A part of her had started to suspect it, ever since her eyes laid on the crystal ball. As little as she had known about it, something with that much power shouldn't look so ordinary, like it was a magicless crystal ball from a carnival in the real world. And once Madam Isadora had given her answer, all the signs pointed to it. Magic or not, this was a fake.
"This isn't the real crystal ball, is it," Bethany whispered. It wasn't a question.
The smile slipped from the fortune teller's face, curling easily into a half-sneer. "Are you saying I'm a fraud?"
She tried choosing her next words carefully, but it wasn't easy when accusing someone at the same time. "No, I'm just saying that that crystal ball isn't the same one I've heard about." Her voice rose. "That isn't the answer it would've given if it were real!"
"And how would you know that?"
"Because I heard what you said, and that wasn't even close to answering my question!"
"Assuming that's true, how would you know what the answer is to your question? Hmm? That's right. You wouldn't. Believe me, I have plenty unsatisfied customers." She chuckled, though not very kindly. "You're not the first. Those who do not accept the truth will—"
Bethany glared at her. "That isn't what this is about. I know that's not the real one, and I'm not leaving until I get answers from it. Don't make me force the issue."
"Force the issue?" the fortune teller spat. "You?"
Bethany felt her hand twitch, a sudden temptation to punch this lady in the face. A wave of anger passed through her, and she almost followed through with it. But she forced herself to reason, to think before she acted. That might cause more complications than she needed, and what she really needed was the real crystal ball. Not an ordinary one with a lot of smoke on the inside. But what if this was the only crystal ball? What if this was how Nobody had rewritten it, and now the answers were only flickers of what they could've been? The thought made her stomach sink. No.
As much as she didn't want to admit it, it had to be true. If the crystal ball had given answers before, it didn't anymore. That was enough to make some of the fight go out of her, replaced by a cold, familiar feeling. She was right. It had been rewritten. There was no other explanation. Now it was just . . . magicless. And without magic, what guidance would it give? The only answer was none. This was her last shot to fix things, and it had all been taken away in an instant. The opportunity wiped away by pure possibility, just like everything else.
Before Bethany could say another word, she heard footsteps from the other side of the curtain. A second later, the curtain was whisked aside, revealing Owen and Kiel standing there, their eyes filled with alarm, and maybe a hint of confusion. At the sight of them, Bethany's disappointment grew. Now she was going to have to tell them how badly their plan had worked out, how they'd wasted their time coming here, because the stupid crystal ball had been fake. Ugh.
"What's going on?" Kiel asked, his eyes glued to Bethany. "We heard shouting."
"That was her," Madam Isadora said defensively. She gave them a forced smile, probably trying to make herself look better. "She's just unsatisfied with the crystal ball's answer, that's all. One of you may come sit, now. Her turn is over."
But neither of the boys moved. Owen was staring at Bethany, practically breathless. "What did it say?"
"That thing is not the real crystal ball," Bethany said lowly. "Or it is, but it's — it didn't tell me anything. You said it'd tell us exactly how to fix things, and it didn't."
If Bethany didn't know any better, she would've thought Madam Isadora looked uneasy. The fortune teller sighed, almost dramatically. "You see? She is overreacting! She is just unsatisfied with the answer, but it did tell her something."
"No," Bethany shot back. "You gave an answer, not the crystal ball, and it was a recommendation to 'follow my heart'. None of that was magic!"
"I don't understand," Kiel said. His gaze fell on the crystal ball, confusion painted across his face. "Last time I asked the crystal ball a question was years ago, and it told me what to do about the keys. It wouldn't just give advice like that."
Owen's eyes widened. "This must mean it's been rewritten. It probably can't tell us anymore!" He shook his head slightly, frowning. "I'm sorry. This is all my fault."
"What?" Kiel whipped around, facing their friend. "No, it's not—"
"It is. This was my idea, and we've been doing this all wrong!" His eyes found Bethany's, and she didn't know what to say. She was sure she'd never seen so much disappointment in his eyes— and she knew exactly how he felt. He reached up, rubbing his eyes with his good hand. "Let's just go. We'll think of something else."
Bethany nodded, throwing the fortune teller one last dirty look. "Yeah, let's get out of here. I don't really want to be here anymore."
"Agreed," Kiel said, looking no less disappointed than Owen and Bethany. An unspoken thought hung between them. What now? After everything, after all they'd gone through to come here, Bethany had no idea what to do. They had no plan anymore, and not even a backup plan. This would be so much easier if her father was here. He'd know what to do. And even if he didn't, she craved his company, maybe now more than ever.
As the three of them turned to leave, however, Madam Isadora called out behind them. "Wait!" When they turned back around, Bethany saw she'd jumped up from her chair, all traces of smugness gone from her face. "Wait, you're mistaken. The real crystal ball is here. I have it."
"We know," Bethany said, exasperated. She gestured to the crystal ball on the table. "You have that one, but it doesn't work."
The fortune teller held up her hands. "No, no, I'm not talking about that one."
Owen exchanged a surprised look with Bethany. "Wait, what?"
"What are you talking about?" Bethany asked, trying to keep her voice even.
She released a sigh. "There is another crystal ball . . . one that I used to use to tell my fortunes. But after our magic was tainted, it became too dangerous. Giving prophecies that weren't what people wanted to hear. Sometimes even telling people too much of the truth, and none of it would be positive. So I hid it, and switched it out with a fake one." She moved past them in the doorway, walking back into the main part of the tent. Hope rising inside her, Bethany quickly followed, her friends eagerly doing the same.
Instead of searching inside the only possible hiding spaces Bethany could see, like behind a curtain or high up on a shelf, Madam Isadora headed over to the center of the room. After ushering them close to the wall, she bent down, lifting the corner of the rug and pulling it off the floor. Bethany gasped. Right underneath the rug was a hatch, which seemed to lead underground. She watched as Madam Isadora lifted up the hatch, then reached in, pulling out a round object that was made entirely of glass. There it was. It'd been right under their feet, and Bethany would've had no idea.
"You had that the whole time?" Owen said, his mouth hanging open.
The fortune teller nodded. "Yes. And I am willing to make an exception for you, seeing as you weren't willing to stay, not unless you got answers from the real one. But I must warn you, I cannot predict what it will say. I cannot guarantee that you will like what it says, either. It may tell you the most dangerous solution to your question."
"We don't care," Bethany said, refusing to back away. "It doesn't matter what it says, we just need some kind of answer."
Although she looked doubtful, Madam Isadora relented, propping the crystal ball down on a pillow. She gestured for them to sit, so Bethany, Owen, and Kiel fell to their knees in front of it. Bethany smoothed her hands against her lap, trying to stop their violent shaking. She couldn't tell if she was more nervous or excited, she just knew that she had to get the answer now, while they were so close to fixing everything. A trembling grin tugged at her lips. Was it possible everything could be fixed tonight? Would the answer be simple, or would it take days to follow through with?
In the back of her head, another thought nagged at her. What if it didn't have an answer at all? What if this was just . . . unsolvable? No. It couldn't be.
The fortune teller touched her hands to the glass, murmuring something. In an instant, the crystal ball hummed to life, starting to glow. Bethany could see her own reflection staring back at her, distorted from the roundness, as if she were looking through a mirror at a fun-house. And then, to her surprise, a robotic voice echoed from out of the crystal ball. "State your question."
"It talks?" Owen said, his eyes growing wide. "That's so cool!"
Bethany tossed him a look. "How about we concentrate on answering?"
"Oh, right." He looked uncertainly at her before turning back to the crystal ball. "What can we do to fix the fictional world?"
Everything fell silent. The three of them leaned forward, and Bethany could hear her heart hammering in her ears, easily the loudest thing in the room. They were finally about to find out what to do, how to fix everything, because Nobody had been no help with that. That is, if there was still something they could do. Which there had to be. Only now, the crystal ball seemed to be taking excruciatingly long with its answer, and maybe it was just her, but the world felt like it'd been doused in honey. Seconds slipping by slowly, as if time had stretched out. How long was this going to take?
Finally, just as Bethany's patience had worn out, the crystal ball spoke again. "You will have your answer in the morning."
Aside from Madam Isadora, all of them groaned.
"The morning?" Owen exclaimed.
"Yes, that is how the crystal ball works," the fortune teller said matter-of-factly. "It takes at least eight hours to answer a question."
Kiel frowned slightly. "I don't remember waiting that long the last time I was here."
"Oh, that is because magic is not working as well as it used to. These things take more time now, you see."
He raised an eyebrow. "So you can't make an exception for us? I'm Kiel Gnomenfoot, by the way, if that changes your mind. You know, hero to all of Magisteria! And my friends are heroes, too— they're amazing."
Owen started to protest. "I'm not really a—"
"Nope, we're all heroes," Kiel interrupted, giving Owen a pointed look that almost made Bethany smile. "So we kind of need this information urgently. You know, for saving the world." He winked. "Really, the sooner we get our question answered, the better."
"Well if you really are the famous magician, where's your magic?" Madam Isadora asked, and the look on Kiel's face was enough of an answer. "I see. Well, even if I could speed up the crystal ball's answer for you . . . I still am unable to. No exceptions for anyone, not even you. This is just the way the crystal ball works, now."
What was this, a crystal ball that took breaks? Bethany sighed. "So what are we supposed to do until then?"
Madam Isadora shrugged. "Who cares! You know what, there is a great potion-making contest in the stand across from mine, if you're interested."
Bethany saw Kiel's eyes light up, and she quickly shook her head. "Nope, we're good. Thanks anyway."
With that, she and her friends crossed the space to the exit, bursting out into the night air. As soon as they emerged on the other side, she spotted Moira, who looked up at the sound of their footsteps approaching. "You're back! I got so bored waiting for you, I was considering stealing something." She grinned. "Joking! So, did you get answers, or whatever you went in there for?"
"Not yet," Kiel told her. "But we will. We just need to come back tomorrow!"
Bethany crinkled her nose. "Which is like, ten hours from now."
"Yeah, what can we do while we wait?" Owen asked, glancing around.
Out of nowhere, a smile came to Kiel's face. "Hold on, I have an idea."
Half an hour later, they were standing in front of a tent — easily the largest in the carnival. A crowd of people were filtering in, and Bethany caught blips of conversation, everyone excited about whatever was going on inside. As Kiel had explained, it was some kind of show that happened every night during the months the carnival was up, consisting mostly of storytelling and small plays and of course— magic. She wasn't really in the mood for any of it, but since it apparently lasted a few hours, it seemed like a good way to pass the time.
Before coming here, Owen had mentioned finding somewhere to sleep, which Bethany realized they'd need. Especially now that they had to wait until the morning to get answers from the crystal ball. Luckily (and against Bethany's expectations), the carnival did allow guests to stay overnight if they wished, which made finding a place to stay a lot easier. Separated from the rest of the carnival were a couple dozen tents, all of which were big enough for groups to sleep in.
Apparently not everyone was lining up for an overnight stay, because reserving a tent had been fairly easy, taking not much time at all. Bethany had been relieved to see the sleeping arrangements— blankets and cots as fluffy as clouds were already set up, tempting her to ditch the rest of their plans and fall asleep right then and there. They dropped off what little things they had, like Owen's backpack and Moira's taser (which she'd reluctantly agreed to after knowing she'd only be separated from it for a short time). After that, they'd headed off to Kiel's suggestion for the night, waiting to see where the next few hours would take them.
Reaching the entrance, Kiel led them inside, following the hundreds of Magisterians up to the long, stone seats that the audience were meant to sit on. With the obvious use of magic, they were formed like bleachers, as the seats were staggered in height, allowing everyone to get a good view of the performance. The seats curved around the entire edge of the tent, forming a circle around a stage in the center, small in comparison to the rest of the room. The tent easily resembled an amphitheater, and Bethany half-expected to see clowns or circus supplies somewhere in the mix.
They found an empty row near the middle of the bleachers, the four of them collapsing on the hard stone. It didn't take long for the rest of the stands to fill up, and soon the tent was packed to the brim. Bethany couldn't remember the last time she'd been somewhere so crowded, with so many people sitting close together, every available spot swallowed up. The only thing she could compare it to was the movie theatres— like the times she and Owen had gone to the opening night of films together — but even that was dull in comparison to the crowd here.
It didn't take long for the first performance to start, the room darkening as a cluster of people hopped onto the stage, a thunderous applause booming in their wake. Bethany glanced over, catching sight of the smiles on her friends faces, and wondered why hers felt kind of forced. Even Owen, who had been nothing but nervous earlier, seemed to be enjoying himself more now. She should feel more optimistic. There was something else bothering her, only, she had no idea what it was.
As the group on the stage started playing some instruments, Bethany felt a nudge come to her ribs. Her heart jumped at the contact. Looking to her right, the realization sunk in that Kiel was sitting next to her, Owen and Moira to the right of him. She directed her focus towards Kiel; he'd been the one who nudged her.
"You're going to love this," he said, just loud enough for her to hear. He leaned in closer, his arm brushing against her's. "I mean, for now they're just playing instruments, obviously, but they'll be doing actual magic soon." He smiled warmly at her. "See, it's funny because magic keeps backfiring. So you don't know what you're signing up for!"
"Hilarious." Bethany raised her eyebrows, trying for a smile back. But for some reason, she could barely muster it. Everyone around her was enjoying themselves, and it made her throat feel tight. Was she enjoying herself?
Her smile fell the rest of the way, and even as she turned her gaze from him, she caught Kiel staring at her, maybe to ask if she was okay. But instead, he turned away to watch the show, the smile back and bright as ever. He leaned over to say something to Owen and Moira ("Hey guys, you're going to love this—") and she realized, with a start, that he was saying an almost identical statement to them. Their quiet laughter reached Bethany's ears, and her heart started to sink. It was as if he couldn't tell anything was wrong. Which probably, he couldn't. She didn't expect him to.
Bethany tried training her eyes on the show, trying to watch, to enjoy herself, but failing. No matter what, her gaze kept going to Kiel. And suddenly, it dawned on her what else was wrong. It wasn't just the crystal ball that was making her feel this way. It was something that'd been building up all day, like a tidal wave, ever since Kiel had looked at her with no recognition in his eyes. It was all the questions. The slight uneasiness around her. The acting like she was a stranger. It built up like a dam, her emotions raging against each other, growing more wild the longer she held them in. And it was his smile, steered away from her, that finally pushed her over the edge.
She couldn't take it anymore.
Abruptly, she jumped from her seat, as if it was a thousand degrees. She had to get out. Now. From the moment she asked Kiel to help her, she should've known that something like this would happen. That at some point, she'd break because she'd finally accepted that whatever she'd had with Kiel was gone. And she had accepted it. Painfully, she had. And she'd pushed him away, suppressing her feelings in the process. Pushing him away was the last thing she wanted to do, but she was doing it anyway. And losing him hurt more than anything else.
Suddenly, the only thing Bethany wanted to do was run. So she didn't hesitate. She left her seat and friends behind, following the path towards the end of the row, just barely avoiding stepping on people's feet along the way. Stumbling out, she flew down the steps of the bleachers, ignoring the cries of outrage that followed as she nearly knocked several unsuspecting people over. She didn't remember exiting the tent, only to be struck with a sudden realization that she was outside, the cool night air hitting her face. She kept going, running past the sea of people and tents. It was all a blur.
Bethany's heart cracked and burned inside her chest. Maybe it was the pressure of the worlds being in danger making her feel this way, and Kiel not remembering her had been the last straw— but she wanted all of this to be over. She wanted to just jump out of the book and be done with it all, because somehow, facing this was tougher than facing Nobody. Wanting to pinch herself and prove that this was just a dream.
It should've just been a dream, but it wasn't. It was real life, and she couldn't jump into Goodnight Moon or The Little Prince to escape all her problems. She couldn't run home to scream into her pillow, not stopping until her throat hurt and spots danced before her eyes. She couldn't even rant to her diary, since sometimes, that was the only thing that'd listen. She couldn't do any of that. Not here.
And who cared if she lied to herself, telling herself that some part of Kiel remembered her?
Who cared if he still smiled at her the same stupid way he did when they were twelve?
Who cared if she'd realized her feelings for him much, much too late?
Who cared if she thought, for a brief moment, that he might feel the same? Who cared?
Not fate, not anyone and certainly not Bethany Sanderson. She was done with the false hopes, believing that Kiel might remember or care for her again. She was done losing the people she loved, both literally and figuratively. She was done with this whole thing. All of it. Now, ironically, all she really wanted was to be alone. But when had that ever fixed things? She knew it wouldn't, and yet, it was all she knew how to do.
"Bethany!" Kiel's voice broke through Bethany's clouded thoughts, and at first, she thought she'd imagined his voice. But then, he shouted her name again, and it became very real. "Bethany!"
Hearing the urgency in his voice, Bethany stopped in front of one of the booths, whirling around to face Kiel. He came to a halt in front of her, both of them panting from the run. A glimmer of hope sparked in her chest. Why did he run after her? Because he was worried? Did he remember something about her? Anything?
She clung to the hope that maybe, just maybe, he did. Hope was the only thing she had left. The old version of him would've given her some kind of advice right now. Advice that usually didn't make much sense but ended up being strangely helpful. But there wasn't an old version. This was the same old Kiel. Bethany had been playing it out in her head that he had changed entirely, but in reality, he hadn't at all. Maybe it was just her.
"What?" Bethany said, a little more forcefully than she'd intended. "I'm not in the mood for a lecture about how things are going to get better, or how I should start being more fiction—"
Kiel gave her a strange look. "Huh? No, I just came here to say . . ."
He stared at her, and she waited, her heartbeat roaring in her ears. She hoped for some of the advice he always gave her. Almost expected it, even. When she was upset, he always saw through it. And he always lifted her up, even if he was telling a joke or a story that somehow related to her situation (which usually, it didn't). But Bethany had come to know that when she was upset, he was there for her. Sometimes, there was no one else she felt closest to. He always knew the right thing to say.
But his next words only filled Bethany with disappointment.
"You're going to miss the rest of the show!" Kiel's smile was soft. "They're doing a magic show next. I thought you might want to see it, since you're in Magisteria and all." He winked. "Magic is kind of the best here. Even though it's not really working right now."
Her face fell. "Right," she said weakly. "Look, you guys can watch the rest without me."
His smile faltered slightly. "Wait, where are you going?"
Bethany didn't have a clue of where she was going, just that she needed to be alone. This was too painful. It was like she meant nothing to Kiel anymore, like she was someone he barely knew. And maybe it was worse, because he'd been nothing but nice and kind and helpful, almost like he wanted to be her friend. But that couldn't be true, could it? She searched his eyes, looking for any sign of the boy she knew. The boy who knew her. But he wasn't there anymore. He was right in front of her, and it was like he was out of her reach.
Anger filled her. This had been his choice. His decision. And for what, to save their friends? To find out where they were? After using that spell, Kiel had never even looked for her! She hadn't seen him until he lost his memories. What was she supposed to think, that this was all an accident? All of the bottled hurt and anger and frustration and yearning came pouring out of her. She couldn't take this.
"I don't know, I'm just— going!"
"Going where?"
"Why should I bother telling you?" Bethany blurted out.
"What?" He recoiled slightly, looking surprised. "Why . . . why wouldn't you tell me?"
"Because I'm done, do you hear me? It's not the same anymore! You stopped needing me when you chose to get rid of—" She gestured to herself and him. "This. And you know what? I don't need you, either!"
The words came pouring from her mouth before she could stop them. Kiel blinked a few times, as if he was hurt or something. No, why wouldn't he be hurt? Bethany was being rude. She knew her words were lies. She'd always need Kiel, but maybe he just didn't need her. She was tired of caring. Tired of thinking he needed her like she needed him.
"Huh. Yeah, I kind of picked up on that."
Regret filled her. Through her annoyance, she attempted to soften her last statement. "I didn't mean it like—"
"It's fine. I get it." His tone wasn't angry, unlike her's. Then again, he was rarely angry. Also, unlike her. "Just so you know, I came after you because I was worried about you." His mouth was pressed into a frown, and his confession startled her. If made her feel worse, too, but it was hard to reduce her glare.
"But don't you think we should move on from this?" Kiel went on. "We can be friends again! We can start over."
A full-blown scowl was starting to appear on her face. "Start over?"
"Yeah. Isn't it kind of nice, having a fresh start? Becoming friends with someone all over again?"
"No."
"Then what? You don't want to be friends?"
"Of course I do, but—" She let out an explosive breath. "You don't remember anything about me. You don't even know who I am!"
"And I'm really sorry about that," Kiel said sincerely. "Do you honestly think I wanted to lose my memories of you?"
"I don't know," was all Bethany could muster. "I just wanna know why you did it. Why did you risk your own memories just to find where I was? Owen told me all about it." Her anger rose, her voice getting louder and louder as she went. "He told me you knew you'd be losing me and you still went through with it — like you wanted it to happen! All of your memories of me are gone and it's all your fault!"
To her horror, tears were swimming into her eyes. It was going to be hard to withhold them. "I thought I meant something to you, Kiel! But you chose this!" Her voice grew quiet again. "And now we're not friends, which really sucks, because I miss you. And after that night on the porch, I thought that maybe there was a chance that . . . that we . . ."
Bethany stopped herself before saying anything more. She'd already said too much, way more than she wanted to. And she was frustrated at herself for saying these things, and frustrated at Kiel for making her say them. Really, she was frustrated at everything right now. Maybe that was an emotion that would just never go away. She shook her head, knowing the only reason she was saying these words was because Kiel could not remember her.
Kiel looked even more confused. "What happened on the porch?"
She froze. Images of the two of them sitting on the porch steps of Toby's cabin flooded her mind. She'd never felt anything like it. It was like the rain was lulling her into a trance. She was staring into Kiel's eyes and he was looking into her's . . . and she stopped thinking. He'd begun to lean towards her, and Bethany hadn't been able to move or breathe.
It felt like she'd been lost in a dream, until a second later, when she snapped out of whatever trance she'd been in. Whatever that feeling was . . . she thought he might've felt it too. For once, she opened herself up to the possibility that he might feel something for her. Something besides just friendship. But under the rare occurrence that he had, it was far too late to know the truth.
"Nothing," Bethany said quickly. "It was nothing. It doesn't matter."
"Wait, when you said 'we," Kiel began slowly. "Does that mean that . . . did you have feelings for me? Is that why you're so upset?"
The world collapsed in on them. Bethany stared at him, unable to move. Unable to breathe. Horrified.
Had he really just asked that, or had she imagined him saying it? No, he had. She wasn't imagining anything. She was shocked that Kiel was even asking this, because she'd never heard him mention anything about having feelings. Ever. He'd been the first person she'd ever thought of in that way, but had he ever thought of her like that?
Bethany had a hard time picturing it. She thought back to the time they'd first met, when he'd protected her from the Magister despite barely knowing her. She thought about when he'd hugged her so tightly after she'd nearly drowned. When he'd said goodbye to her for the first time, and she spent months craving his presence. And then he'd spent three years working on a spell just to reach her, and hadn't left her side since.
Maybe there'd been a chance that Kiel felt something for her. She'd never hoped it could be possible until now, until she'd foolishly let the words "I love him", spill out of her mouth. As horrifying as it'd sounded at the time, a part of her had always known. But Bethany had no idea if Kiel had ever felt the same way that she did about him. If he did, she hadn't noticed. That wasn't what he was asking, though. He was asking if she had feelings for him.
In fiction, characters were supposed to have an instant realization of when they loved someone, and often, they accepted it without hesitation. Things like love at first sight? Although she tended to avoid jumping into the romance genre unless she had to, it seemed to show up a lot. And it wasn't true, not even a little bit realistic. Bethany had never believed in love at first sight, so she wasn't about to now.
Sure, it happened in kids' movies and fairytale books, but not real life. She wasn't a little kid who believed in that type of thing. But because of that, it made recognizing her feelings all the more harder. They'd just . . . snuck up on her, and it was like she hadn't realized the intensity of them until now. And once she realized what the feelings were, she couldn't remember a time when they weren't there. She traced them back to the first time they met, to the first time he smiled at her, when he encouraged her to be more fictional, when they had each other's backs.
But she'd never acted on them, never accepted them. That is, until they were forced to the surface. She finally started to open herself up to the idea of loving him, just as she probably always had, but it was too late. It wasn't until after he'd lost his memories of her. Perfect timing. But this wasn't just a crush anymore, like the feeling she'd been developing ever since they'd first fought dragons and giants and goblins together. This was more. A lot more.
And for the first time, she came to terms with what the Magister had forced her to say. Right then, under the nighttime breeze with music and laughter around them and one of her favorite people in the world standing in front of her, something in her heart slid into place. I love him. Those words had been real.
For a wild, impulsive moment, Bethany thought of saying yes. Almost wanted to say yes, because this could be the last time Kiel ever asked her this question. But as she stared at him, her heart hammering in her throat, she realized she couldn't tell Kiel the truth. Not like this. She couldn't admit it, because admitting her feelings would mean admitting they'd always been there — that they always would be there. And while this was probably her last chance to tell him how she felt, she didn't want to take it. Not now.
Not knowing what else to say, Bethany whispered, "What?"
Kiel repeated what he'd said. It wasn't any easier hearing it the first time. She opened and closed her mouth, fishing for an answer. "It's not . . . you're not . . . we're not . . ." It was hard to find the words when he was looking at her expectantly, like he was waiting for an answer. Which he was— she was just bad at giving one. She swallowed hard, responding in the only way she knew how. "Why would I have feelings for you? You're just assuming you know how I feel now and—"
"Whoa, no! I was just—"
"Why would you think that?!" she yelled. Great, she was shouting now. Like a crazy person. But she couldn't stop now, not even if she wanted to. "This is crazy. You're just making things up now!"
Kiel was lowering his hands, and she realized he was trying to get her to quiet down. He gave her an odd look. "Okay, no need to get so defensive over nothing. Don't worry, I was just joking." He smiled wearily. "Relax, it was a joke!"
She should've expected that. Of course he was joking. Of course he'd never ask that seriously. It wasn't even possible. He seemed to walk through life with the unwavering belief that it was nothing but a joke, that there was a way to enjoy everything. Usually it evened Bethany out — his jokes. They reminded her to relax, to have more fun, to not take everything so harshly. Sometimes he kept her sane, but other times he drove her insane. Like now, for instance. He couldn't have been any more him, and it was breaking her heart.
Weirdest of all, though, was that she hadn't been able to tell it was a joke. Usually Kiel wasn't one for sarcasm or dry humor, so when he joked, he made it clear he was joking. Often, laughing or winking while saying jokes, sometimes even mixing a pun or two in there. But if his question was supposed to be a joke . . . why had he asked it so seriously?
"A joke?" Bethany repeated.
"Yeah," Kiel said, letting out a breath. "What would be so wrong about it, anyway?"
She considered this. What was so wrong about it? Under circumstances where Kiel did remember her and she wasn't mad at him, maybe Bethany would have trouble finding what was wrong. When it came to Kiel, being around him had always felt right. Like all her rules, all her worries just faded out of existence, and Bethany felt a strange mixture of freedom and unwavering excitement. But even now, even though he'd forgotten about her, even though she felt betrayed because of it, she couldn't find a single good, logical reason why these feelings were wrong.
Still, she said, ". . . Everything. Everything would be wrong with it."
Kiel shook his head, attempting to smile, like he was trying to lighten the mood. "I think the opposite. What's not to like about me?"
"Seriously?"
His smile dropped. "Sorry," he said, and he sounded sorry. "I'm sorry, I was just joking. I shouldn't have pressured you like that. So . . . your answer is no, right? I just wanna make sure."
For a moment, Bethany imagined herself saying what she thought. To make up for the hole she'd dug herself into, whether it was from not knowing how to answer, or the fear of how he'd react if she told him the truth. Caught off guard, she'd skirted around the answer in more ways than one. Had she actually said no, though? She thought back to a few seconds ago, her mind whirling, and it dawned on her that she hadn't.
Bethany took a deep breath, not responding at first. When she did, she felt the deep ache of disappointment in her heart. "I'm just upset because you were my friend. My best friend. But . . ." He stared at her expectantly, with that wide-eyed look of his, and she couldn't look him in the eyes without feeling pain. "I — I don't have feelings for you." The lie tasted bitter in her mouth. "Where did you get that idea?"
Kiel took a step closer to her, and she tried very hard not to notice just how close they were standing. "From the way you were describing it, I guess it just seemed like you did." He shrugged a little. "Not that I would blame you for it! Who wouldn't have a crush on me? I'm amazing!"
"Whatever," Bethany grumbled. "Just forget I said anything, okay? It doesn't matter. I know you can't answer my questions."
"I would if I could," Kiel said gently, giving up with the attempted jokes. "It's not that I don't want to remember you, you know? I do. I really do. You're awesome, and when you say we were best friends, I believe it. I mean, yes, you've yelled at me majority of the day, and you have this weird dislike for disguises that I'll never understand, but I've spent almost twenty-four hours with you, and I can honestly say I've only been sick of you for one of them."
"Kiel."
"Fine, two." He chuckled a little, and it only made her feel slightly better. Slightly. His expression turned more serious again. "But really, if there was a way to get my memories back, I would get them! You know that, don't you?"
"Yeah, I know," she told him, her voice faltering. He was trying to make her feel better, and at the same time, he was just making this a million times harder. "And . . . if there's no way to recover your memories, then that's fine." She tried forcing a smile, but it was barely a flicker. "I'll get over it."
Despite the close distance, it felt like a thousand oceans were between them, with waves that crashed into each other, sending them further apart. She felt bad for demanding him answers, for getting angry when it wouldn't get them anywhere. She guessed Kiel just hadn't cared as much about her as she thought he did, since he'd purposely erased his memories of her.
But the whole uncaring thing was so unlike Kiel, because he'd always cared about her, had always protected her, and had never stopped being there for her. It was only this that made her question if all of that had been a lie. But if he didn't care, why had he said he cared? Why did he have to still be so nice, like he was trying to be her friend? Like he was trying to fix things, despite his oblivion of Bethany's feelings? The answer came echoing back to her. Because he was Kiel. He wanted to remember her. He wanted that.
"Okay, uh great! I'm gonna go," Kiel said, his eyes never leaving her's. "The magic show should be starting soon."
"Right . . . yeah, you should go."
Right, the place he'd rather be at right now. Because he'd rather be there then here, arguing with a girl he didn't remember. They weren't arguing, not anymore, but in Bethany's head it still felt like they were. At least for her, the tension hadn't faded. Maybe, though, the tension was just one-sided.
Because if it wasn't, there was no way he would've asked: "Is there a chance you still wanna come?"
Bethany blinked, not expecting that. After everything . . . he still wanted to include her? She was tempted to, but as usual, the frustration and resentment won. She shook her head. "No. No, you go enjoy it."
"Are you sure?" She caught disappointment in his voice. "Because it'll be awesome, and I'll feel better if you're having fun." He looked hopefully at her, and under normal circumstances, Bethany would've agreed. But she was too upset, too angry, too confused. Why was he making this so difficult? Didn't he see she wanted to be alone?
"Yeah, I'm sure. Just . . . go have fun."
Nodding, Kiel turned reluctantly to leave, then paused, looking back at her. "And . . . hey, whatever my intentions were, I know I never would've meant to hurt your feelings. I never want to hurt anyone's feelings, so you know, I'm really sorry if I hurt yours. All I want is to be your friend . . . if you'll let me."
Oh, really? Her feelings? Now he was bringing this up, like he'd only just noticed how hurt she was? This hurt. This hurt so badly. Although she told herself she'd obviously been through worse things, Bethany didn't think of that. In that moment, this seemed to hurt worse than anything in the entire world had ever hurt. And she couldn't even tell him how she really felt.
The last remains of anger fizzled down to the tips of her fingers. A gust of wind blew through the carnival, pushing strands of her hair forward, which seemed to catch fire against the dozens of floating balls of light that hovered around them. She felt the urge to yell at him again, but she didn't have the energy for it. Even arguing with him wasn't the same. At least he had the decency to look apologetic.
She dug her fingernails into her palms, trying to ignore the tightening sensation in her chest. "I'm fine."
"Um, okay, good to hear!" He looked uncertain, but he gave her a soft smile anyway. He started to back away. "I guess I'll head back— if you're okay. Goodnight, Bethany."
Just like that, he'd accepted her answer, not seeing through her lies. He never would've given up that easily before, but then again, he didn't really know her anymore. Maybe this was just how things would be from now on. But she'd said she'd be fine if he never recovered his memories, right? Like she wanted them to move on, and she was starting to believe they should. Or maybe she was just trying to make a point, despite wanting him to see through all of it. All of her lies.
"Oh, and sleep well!" he added. "Big day tomorrow. Gotta get all the rest you need."
"Yeah," Bethany muttered, not even bothering to smile back. "Um, you too. Night."
By this point, the anger had subsided. Collapsed in on her, leaving nothing but sadness. She didn't show him it — no, couldn't. It was better to hide it, though she wasn't sure why. It didn't even sound rational to her. She guessed if she showed her real emotions, it would reveal the truth. That somewhere inside her, she did love him. Not just somewhere, but everywhere. And admitting that terrified her more than anything else in the world. It would just mean she was too late.
Bethany had nothing left to say to him. She half-hoped he would ask her to stay for the magic show again, but at the same time, she didn't. If she stayed any longer, he might see through her facade. He'd see that underneath all the anger, there was something else. Though maybe if he did, he'd get it through his head that she was hurt and he was an idiot for casting that stupid spell.
No such thing happened. No advice. No stories that seemed pointless, but actually were meant to prove a point. Not even a hug, because as frustrated as she was with him, all she wanted was to feel close to him again. To be his best friend. For her heart to pound in a good way when she was near him. For him to tell her stupid jokes to make her roll her eyes, or wink, or not back down until she let him in, because he knew how stubborn she was. How stubborn both of them were.
If he remembered her, he would've done those things. He wouldn't just head back to the show without making sure she was okay first, but things were different now. And maybe she'd need to start getting used to the way things had changed. It felt like her heart was weighed down by boulders, or bowling balls, or mountains. Bethany kept expecting that Kiel might change his mind. But he didn't.
And so, she quickly stormed away, figuring her message would be further misunderstood if he saw her break down crying.
"Hand in my hand and you promised to never let go. We're walking the tightrope . . ."
A/N-
I've had this last scene written probably since late 2019 bc I came up with the idea so early on and I really like how it turned out! also writing this made me feel really bad for Kiel too,,, coming away from this I'm not sure if I made it seem like you can see both Bethany's and Kiel's perspectives through that whole scene, but I hope I did haha
I'm gonna try to update this fic more often (like once a week if I can) so stay tuned for next chapter! And loads more drama to come, everyone's favorite!