Chapter Sixty-Eight: Still so Much to Learn

…..

"You'll never believe what Regulus was trying to convince me about!" Sirius shouted over the loud music as he made his way back over to James. He had watched Regulus leave the ballroom before going back to his friends, knowing his little brother would be as displeasing of him dancing with his friends as Narcissa had been, shooting him annoyed looks and shaking her head at him when their eyes met on the dance floor.

Ok, so maybe he had been using James' bad dancing as a weapon to bump into Narcissa and her date, but in his defense, that's what she got for trying to set him up with a potential suitor. He was only thirteen!

He kept his eyes peeled for his stupid brother in case he tried to slip back into the dance to tell on him to Sissy. Tell on him, for what, Sirius wasn't sure since Sissy already knew he had ditched his date. Perhaps Regulus would tell on him for wandering the grounds at night, that would be just like his little brother even though he had been doing the same thing.

Clearly, Regulus was trying to get him in trouble, spinning some tale about zombies in the forest so Sirius would go back to the forest and get caught and Regulus would continue to be the favorite, not that Reg needed any help in that department really. But Sirius wasn't about to fall for that, it was bad enough he'd be getting a Howler, or at the very least a threatening letter soon because he had failed to 'set a good example for Reg' and 'had polluted him against manners' and whatever nonsense his mother decided to yell at him for this time.

If anyone should be getting a howler it was Sissy since she was more responsible for Regulus than him but he knew it didn't work that way.

"What did he say?" James asked, pausing in his attempt to trip Peter as they both spun around in a wonderfully poor excuse of dancing.

"Apparently there's a zombie on the grounds."

"Cool!"

"No, not cool James, he's clearly lying."

"Sound like my little brother trying to convince my mum there was a ghoul in the barn," Peter replied and Sirius nodded in agreement. At least Peter understood younger siblings.

"Oi, Peter don't look now, but Marlene is beckoning for you," James pointed out and Peter let out a truly frustrated sound that surprised both of them.

"I thought you were delighted to dance with her?" Sirius asked with a raised eyebrow. Peter's face went red and he stammered that 'of course he was' before rushing off.

"That was... weird," James remarked, frowning after Peter and asking Sirius if he thought they should make sure he's ok.

"Nah he's fine. I think he's just embarrassed because Peter is just as bad a dancer as you," Sirius teased and James pulled him into a head-lock demanding he 'take that back.'

It was from that vantage point that Sirius saw Remus and some of the good mood that had been starting to return to him faded again. Even if Sirius did believe Regulus, which he did not, he couldn't look into anything until he got to the bottom of things with Remus first. Since, if there was one thing this evening was making painfully clear, it was that there was still so much he had yet to learn about his mysterious friend.

Maybe he should have returned to the dorm with Remus, but he really had needed a distraction after witnessing something so awful. Besides he had thought Remus had been dancing with Lily again but instead he could see him slipping away, something about his posture screaming to Sirius even across the crowded dance floor that his friend was upset….very upset. Which after the day his friend had been having wasn't at all shocking. In fact, Sirius was surprised Remus hadn't slipped away from the dance sooner since he was pretty sure the dance wasn't proving to be as effective of a distraction for Remus as it was for Sirius. But instead of outright leaving Remus seemed to be content with starting back up his efforts in avoiding Sirius, helped along by a certain bossy redhead.

"Come on," he muttered, pulling away from James with ease since his change of tone had surprised James enough to let go of him. Sirius quickly took off after Remus, not bothering to check to see if James was following him and with the skill of one who was adept at losing his family any chance he got in crowds, Sirius entwined his way around the students, all of which were focusing on the next song.

But Sirius forced his attention to stay on his mysterious friend who he was worried if he looked away from for a second would disappear. Luckily, for Sirius anyways, Remus was struggling to weave around a group of Diorge and Hufflepuff students, who other than the group that seemed to prefer Slytherins to the other houses, seemed to make up the majority of the Hogwarts and Diogre friendships.

"Sirius, where are we going?" James asked already out of breath as he had previously been dancing for a long time, like a crazy man as that was the only way James knew how to dance, with poor Dorcas and then when he had taken pity on her, with Sirius.

"Shhhhh!" Sirius shushed him, yanking them down behind a group of students. He always knew Remus had good hearing but the fact that their friend actually turned around as if he had indeed heard them seemed impossible. It must have been a mere coincidence but Sirius was still glad he hadn't risked it and had ducked with James when he had.

For some reason deep in his gut, he knew that following Remus without being spotted was of the utmost importance.

"Gah...pft….pffff…." James spluttered pulling away from Sirius' hand which had been cupped over his mouth and was now covered in his disgusting friend's saliva.

"Yuck! You licked me!" Sirius shouted in alarm, momentarily forgetting about Remus as he wiped his hand, or tried to wipe his hand on James' nice dress clothes. His friend dodged his hand though with a rude gesture.

"Explain what the heck we're doing mate because I still haven't danced with Lily yet and I'm running out of time."

"You aren't running out of time, you can't run out of time with something that is impossible in the first place!"

"That doesn't even make sense!" James protested and Sirius had to shake himself in order not to get sidetracked into James' stupidity.

"None of that's important right now," Sirius cut off James who had opened his mouth to complain more and looked taken aback by the seriousness in Sirius' voice.

"Sirius….." James began and Sirius realized all of sudden James knew exactly what they were doing. That only meant Sirius didn't have to explain so instead of pondering the possibility that James had been purposely stalling him, Sirius took off again losing hope when he could no longer see Remus.

"Sirius wait…..come on…," James protested though he sounded hesitant so Sirius ignored him, picking a direction at random once he left the Great Hall, hoping he was right.

"Thank goodness I had Peter bring this," Sirius replied grinning at James' indignant splutters as he pulled out the invisibility cloak from the bag Peter had given him when they had all met up after Sirius' and Remus' late night heroism.

"WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT!?"

"SHHHHH," Sirius hushed James who crossed his arms looking upset. Well, Sirius reckoned he and Peter stealing James' stuff was good for him, as an only child James needed to understand the importance of sharing sometimes. "If you must know, I brought it because I was going to suggest we go to HoneyDukes afterward and then out to boathouse since it's been a while since we've done it."

He and Peter had decided it was necessary tonight and hatched their surprise while James had taken his turn at trying to convince Remus to get up from the table and dance since upon first returning to the dance their friend seemed like he'd sit with his face buried forever. In the end, only Lily had gotten him back on the dance floor but Sirius was just glad someone had since he really wanted Remus to have a better night than he'd been having. Merlin's beard, it was Christmas after all, it didn't seem at all fair for Remus to be so miserable.

"That doesn't mean you had to STEAL it."

"Yes, I did because I wanted it to SURPRISE you DUH!"

"We could have gone to get the cloak AFTER the dance though!"

Sirius had to admit he didn't really have a comeback for that one until he realized with a pang what James was doing again.

"Stop that! Why are you so against me following Remus? If I didn't know any better I'd say you know something."

Sirius fully expected James to tell him he was mental or perhaps make some snide comment that Sirius had been drinking too much of the punch, despite James' reporting he had been unable to convince Fabian to spike it.

What he was not expecting was the guilt that flashed across James' face. Sirius felt something akin to panic take him over but knew if he stopped now to confront James he'd lose any chance he had of catching up to Remus. Sirius shoved down the terrifying possibility threatening to form in his mind because really there was only one reason James would lie to him about not knowing something about Remus. James of all people lie to him!

Would Sirius actually be mad at Remus when he found out whatever it was? He no longer was entirely sure…

Maybe Remus was involved in something dangerous? That's the only conclusion that made any sense to Sirius and it also made him really scared. Really really scared!

"Sirius wait up! Please wait!" James shouted after him and Sirius slowed having not even realized he had started sprinting through the halls. He slowed, not for James to catch up with him, he was too pissed at his so-called best friend at the moment, but because he knew running would be a dead giveaway to Remus they were tailing him.

Because he would be successful in following Remus and he would get to the bottom of this once and for all or he'd straight-up lose his mind!

Sirius forced himself to slow down even though all he wanted to do was keep running. He wanted to run and scream and expel the panicky feeling that seemed to be permanently lodged in his chest. Then Sirius caught the most wonderful sight ever, Remus turning a corner. Sirius wasn't sure why his friend was walking so slow but he quickly pulled the invisibility cloak over himself…..and James who had snuck in at the last minute trying to whisper an explanation for his actions that Sirius wasn't even pretending to hear.

"Why is he moving so slow?" James whispered, understanding Sirius wasn't going to listen to any shitty excuse and changing tactics, perhaps trying to gauge how mad Sirius actually was with him. Honestly…..oddly enough, Sirius wasn't all that sure how mad he was with James either. It was hard to feel anger over the fear that seemed to have increased in him when Remus slipped out of the castle and into a courtyard.

Why was he leaving the castle? Perhaps to join some top-secret dangerous mission?

That was ridiculous though, sure Remus was quite talented but no one in their right mind would let a child fight in the war…..right?

Right!?

"Sirius calm down…..he'll hear your gasping…..hell at this rate you'll pass out…."

"James…..James, he isn't in danger is he?" Sirius asked in a watery whisper, finding it extremely stuffy under the normally breathy cloak.

"Shhhh," James whispered so quietly Sirius could barely hear him standing right next to him. At first, Sirius thought James was just trying to shut him up but then Remus turned around again and Sirius realized with dread why their friend had been walking so slow. Unfocused eyes seemed to look right through them, tears streaming down Remus' cheeks. Sirius didn't trust himself to whisper anymore as he found tears burning in his eyes at the utter distress on his friend's face wondering with horror what was causing such anguish to his friend. Was it the bunny from earlier this afternoon? Davey from less than an hour ago? Both of those seemed very likely possibilities, but with Remus, it was hard to know.

Was it something else entirely?

He felt James put a supportive hand on his shoulder and he silently understood James wouldn't hold him back from following Remus anymore. However, the hand on Sirius' shoulder also seemed to be communicating something else. No, James wouldn't stop Sirius but that hand seemed to ask 'are you sure'. Sirius wasn't sure….he wasn't sure about a lot, but he was sure that whatever was causing Remus to cry and stumble around was something he needed to know... no matter the cost.

"I won't hate him, James….I swear I won't," Sirius whispered his voice breaking, glad he had waited to speak and walk until Remus was a considerable distance ahead.

"...just….maybe let him tell you?" James whispered back sounding equally choked up which made it painfully clear to Sirius that James already knew what it was.

"Does Peter know too? Am I the last to find out?"

He knew he shouldn't care about such a minor detail….not right now anyways, not when Remus was crying and walking further into the darkness of the Hogwarts grounds alone…..but he did.

"No," James replied sadly and Sirius let out a heavy sigh grateful James didn't try to deny he knew. He couldn't handle anymore insult to injury.

Instead of replying, Sirius started walking again, and after a breeze of air hinting his start-up again had taken James by surprise, his friend followed him closely, his hand still on Sirius' shoulder as if knowing Sirius would need the support.

Sirius said nothing as they walked beneath the grounds lit only by the moon high in the sky. The silence between him and James was tense and filled with a silent begging on his friend's part for Sirius to give this up, shown by the continued sporadic tensing of James' hand on his shoulder as they got closer and closer to the Whomping Willow.

This puzzled Sirius and he found himself watching Remus who was padding across the ground silently, having somehow pulled himself together more. Hagrid's loud snores hopefully masked the sound of Sirius' and James' breathing as they were so close they could reach out and almost touch Remus, now. Part of Sirius did want to touch him, to reach his hand out and grab ahold of his friend's hand and hear from him about whatever it was that was going on.

But deep down Sirius feared Remus would never be able to put words to what was going on, would never fully tell Sirius the truth no matter how he begged or pleaded with his friend to.

So when Remus tiptoed past Hagrid, who gave the impression of being an even heavier sleeper than Peter, and approached the Whomping Willow which towered over him, Sirius knew he'd follow Remus rather than confront him. Sirius knew that he wanted to see whatever was going on with his own two eyes, and he fully expected that something to be some top-secret training. Though why Remus would be involved in something like that or why a top-secret training would lead Remus to stand in front of some tree was evading him at the moment.

James' grip on his shoulder tightened so much it was painful as they stepped closer than they had ever managed to previously get to the tree and in Sirius' head, he could still hear the screams of Davey and picture his bent led and bleeding body. Since that had only been hours ago, though it felt like months ago, it was no surprise his own legs shook just slightly.

What perhaps was more unnerving however than them being underneath the branches that, if they decided to slam against them would surely kill them, was the utter calm that Remus approached the tree with. There was no hesitation in his steps, and Sirius got the distinct impression that if those ugly knotted branches stretched down to wipe Remus Lupin off this earth that it wouldn't for his friend be an altogether terribly unwelcome outcome. Sirius tried to swallow but couldn't, tried to breathe but only short shaky gasps seemed to be making their way to his lungs.

He was about to find out.

Sirius Black was going to unearth the secret of Remus Lupin.

And he was petrified to do so!

Scared shitless, Sirius stood there trembling trying not to let his mind wander to what sort of horror awaited them underneath the tree. Because that was where Remus had disappeared into. Remus hadn't simply walked up to the tree with an idle curiosity which wouldn't have entirely been out of character for him and which while concerning as Sirius' friend didn't seem to have a good understanding of how dangerous this tree was, would have been much more welcome. Only Remus didn't just walk up to observe the thing but disappeared beneath it. And they were now close enough to see the gnarled roots protruding from the earth around the tree which hid a secret passage.

"Let's go back now…." James pleaded once Remus completely disappeared, swallowed by the tree.

"No."

"Sirius please, he'll have to tell you now. I'll make sure he will. But he'll be upset if you follow him…..we can't….please Sirius."

"No."

"No, what?"

Sirius stood there for a long time staring through his tears at the twisted roots, the space just underneath it looking like it fell deep into the earth. He glared at the ugly gnarled tree who he suddenly felt was the sole reason for whatever caused Remus' suffering.

"Sirius?"

This tree signified something big that Sirius couldn't quite grasp. Then it hit him and he took a step back, his foot-stomping on James who swore quietly and seemed to take his silence as confirmation to start pulling him away.

"Dumbledore knows?"

That stopped James in his useless attempts to get Sirius to budge and for a long while the only sound was the almost growling sound of Hagrid's snores. The large man almost falling back in his chair with each shaking snore that seemed to physically move him and a stupid little umbrella place over the groundskeeper's knee whose large hand was holding onto to it as if that would protect him from anything other than rain.

Normally such an opportunity for mischief, under different circumstances, Sirius would have found hilarious. In fact, he probably would have dared James to purposely do something loud in what would have become a competition on who could do the most outrageous thing without waking the sleeping groundskeeper. But it wasn't normal circumstances, it was anything but which meant that even the tempting possibility of mischief just sort of felt like... static, a mere passing thought that was quickly engulfed by the internal dilemma Sirius was faced with.

"Dumbledore knows?" Sirius asked again since the sound of Hagrid's snores was starting to make his head hurt worse than it already was as if it was threatening to break open from the sheer confusion and stress he was currently feeling.

"...yeah….." James mumbled noncommittally then gave Sirius such a hard yank back he almost fell over entirely.

"Stop," he hissed and James did, shooting Sirius a pleading look.

Would he lose Remus as a friend if he followed him into that passage? Would he lose Remus as a friend if he didn't?

He yanked himself away from James so a slight distance stretched between them and if Hagrid abruptly woke up he'd be very confused indeed to see two legs up to their knees with seemingly nothing else accompanying them.

"How long have you known?" he asked angrily since it was much simpler and less earth-shattering to focus on James and his anger at him than what may or may not be at the end of the secret passage.

"...Sirius please…," James sniffled, quickly wiping his eyes an embarrassed tinge of red to his cheeks, his eyes pleading Sirius to understand at the same time they seemed to know he wouldn't.

Instead of replying to James though, Sirius suddenly began to worry about Remus who had not resurfaced from the earth. He should have realized this earlier but what if the passage merely led out of the grounds somehow and now Remus had taken a portkey somewhere else entirely and Sirius had lost his only real chance? So, throwing James off balance and utterly surprising him Sirius flung off the cloak and ran toward the hole sliding down it before James could call out after him in frustration.

With an 'oof' he landed on top of damp dirt but found the underground passage to be roomier than he was expecting. Figuring he wouldn't have long before James would follow him he took off at a sprint hoping the soft dirt wouldn't alert Remus to his pursuit. If Remus was still even underneath here anyways? Sirius inhaled the smell of damp earth finding his decision to follow Remus had made it easier to breathe…..slightly.

Then Sirius heard a faint but troubling sound of wailing as the passage became bigger and the surface underneath his feet shifted to planks of wood that Sirius climbed as carefully as he could manage. Then a loud crack sent him sprinting up the stairs instead, his worry for Remus making him hardly realize the steps he was climbing were leading up through a trap door or that he had somehow entered a building.

"Remus are you ok!" he shouted at the sound of yet another louder crash, worried his friend was fighting someone, at least by the crashes that's what it had sounded like.

Instead, the dark shack Sirius had followed Remus into was lit just enough by moonlight for him to see. To see his friend revealed before him, standing amid a pile of rubble, blood on his knuckles, a wild look in glowing gold eyes that made him almost appear feral and sent a shiver up Sirius' spine at the level of intense ferocity in them.

Of course, that only lasted for an instance, and the something akin to hatred in Remus' eyes melted into an equally intense shock.