"Look if Harold and Lindell tell you the same thing then there isn't much you can do Ems," said Ray as they had lunch together at the Mess.
"He apparently didn't show up this morning for training and didn't advise his CO."
"That's strange, I swear I saw him this morning," said Ray, "maybe I mixed him up with someone."
Emily shook her head. "I don't like this one bit. I saw the look in his eyes Ray, Lonergan is not in a good place right now. He's hurting, he's angry and he needs help."
"He'll bounce back."
He finished his plate and leaned back in his chair.
"You guys want to go have a picnic in the park tonight?"
Trying to keep Lonergan off her mind, Emily focused on what Ray had just proposed. "Sounds like a nice idea. Do you know what time they are headed back?"
"Yeah, they should be here around 4pm, which should give enough time for everyone to head home, relax a bit and then meet for dinner."
She smiled. "Alright. I'll reach out to Naima and see what we can bring."
"I'll leave that to you two, Sonny and I will talk drinks and activities."
"Why does that not surprise me?"
They spent the beginning of the afternoon in TOC working with Sierra team who was in Lebanon. Ray and Emily were standing in the front of the room looking at the screens.
"Should you be in here?" she heard a voice say from behind her. She turned around. She swallowed as her eyes grew bigger and gently touched Ray's elbow in order to get his attention.
Standing toward the middle of the room was Lonergan. Aside from the fact that he shouldn't have been in the room as it was off limits to him, the worst, was that when he removed his jacket, he was wearing a vest filled with grenades and explosives. She recognized them too well, they were from their artillery.
"Stuart?" said quietly Emily as she looked at the others in the room, indicating with her hand gently that they should stay back and even try to leave the room if they could.
Ray looked at Emily agog and discreetly trying to bring her back toward the screens.
Lonergan looked behind him quickly as some people tried to leave the room.
"Don't move!" he yelled at them as he held on to the detonator, almost pushing down on the button.
"Stuart!" yelled Emily to get his attention before continuing on a softer tone. "Look at me."
Lonergan looked back in her direction. There was a mix of things in his eyes that scared her. She knew he was more than determined to go through it. She knew that she and some of the others would never have the time to make it out of the room. The only thing she could do was either try to talk him into changing his mind or stalling.
"You don't need to worry about them. Why don't you and I talk?"
"I'm done talking. I talked to that shrink and he could care less about what I had to tell him. All of you in here don't care about what happens to us out there on the field. We go out there day in and day out, we give our lives and for what?! For a folded flag and a postmortem medal our families get to take home and resent? You have no idea what it's like to lose your best friends, to feel guilty about being the only one that survived and have to justify why to the other families! You all deserve to hurt and die and inflict the same pain on your families!"
As if almost in slow motion, almost paralyzed, his eyes closed, and tears running down his cheek, Lonergan pushed down on the button.
Ray's arms grabbed her, and she felt the onset of a downward fall before everything blacked out.