Note: Not so long ago I received a review for this story … it was a great reminder that in these difficult times we all might use some distraction … so here comes another chapter … hope you enjoy it … and stay healthy!

Part 69

Two months later

POV – Gill

I'm so used to waking from the pain, my constant companion, that it's strange to find it almost gone. Not that I'm complaining, tough.

The recovery has been progressing slowly but steadily. Some say it is a miracle I made it, but I know better. I'm here because of Cal, his love and care helped me heal.

Without realizing it, I fiddle with the pendant attached to the chain around my neck. The one shaped as a knot somewhat resembling an oak tree. It has become my talisman. I asked Cal why he gave it to me, but he just smiled mysteriously. The other day I googled its meaning. Turns out it's Dara Knot, a Celtic symbol for strength and courage. Didn't know Cal was into symbolism, but I do appreciate the sentiment.

The rehabilitation Centre is quite nice. The staff is friendly, and the doctors are recognized specialists in their field. Bennett must have pulled some serious strings to get me here.

He came to see me once. It was a brief and somewhat awkward visit short after I arrived. I was still looking like hell, all bandaged up and covered in purple half-healed bruises.

From my side the awkwardness was caused by the fact that I felt embarrassed he had to see me this way, weak and damaged, but there was nothing I could do to make myself at least somewhat presentable with one of my arms secured in a cast and the other one heavily bandaged. I know that he had seen worse in his line of work, but still. I worked hard over the years to maintain this immaculate image of professional scientist and now it's just smoke and mirrors.

Bennett said that it is good to have me back. I genuinely appreciated the sentiment, knowing how reserved the man normally is. There was relief in his voice when he said the words, but his eyes held something I couldn't quite place. Something deeper, darker secret that he was holding back. I did not dare to pry nor had the energy to do it, so I simply accepted it is linked with my 'accident'. I still do not remember what happened and judging by the look on Bennett's face I'm not sure I want to.

Ria and Eli also visited me on several occasions, but I always got a nagging feeling that they are highly uncomfortable around me, as if they are walking on a thin ice or something - one wrong look or word and it all goes down in flames. Don't they know by now that I'm stronger than I look? There is no need to tiptoe on the eggshells around me. The only reason I could find for their bizarre behavior is that Cal's overprotectiveness is keeping them on the edge.

Cal is watching over me like a hawk. The other day I wanted to call my mom, but he talked me out of it saying that he has taken care of it. He even brought some clothes, books and staff from my home to make me comfy.

I have always known that Cal can be very sweet when he puts his mind to it, but never thought that he is capable of such an open devotion. On more than one occasion I have woken finding his intense stare fixed on me. Almost, as if he feared I would fade away if he as much as blinked. In those moments, there is a deep sadness and longing in his eyes, like he is trapped in a nightmare he cannot wake up from. I fear that he still lives in the shadow of what happened to me and have no clue how to convince him otherwise. So, I exercise hard as hell, ignoring the pain, to prove to him that his worries are futile, I'm getting better with each passing day.

I still remember his first words after I woke from the surgery, "I don't know whether I would have survived, if I had lost you…"

Several days later he repeated them. His emphatic, passionate confession was interrupted by a nurse who came to check my vitals, "Oh, mister Lightman, I see your fiancée is up and about…"

Fiancée?

I don't recall hearing the rest of the sentence, my confused gaze locked on Cal, searching for any confirmation or denialof her words. He softly smiled putting my bandaged palm to his lips, planting a soft kiss on it. The answer clearly written in his eyes.

In all honesty I'm still not used to the idea. As happy and delighted as I am, it seems strange not to remember such an important event as his proposal. I mean, we never spoke about it, not really. With two failed marriages in our baggage, we were taking one step at a time, enjoying each other's company with no real plan for the future.

Having the man I have loved for over a decade in my life was more than I could ever bargained for. For both of us the ring was just a formality, but apparently, something changed.

The romantic in me can't help but wonder how he proposed. Did I expect it? Did he get down on one knee? It must have been an amazing moment full of trepidation and joy. Too bad I have no recollection of it. I could ask Cal but have chosen not to. It will be moresatisfying to recall the magic of it on my own one day.

The doors to my room open with a silent crack, bringing me out from my musings. Seeing my guest draws a delighted smile on my lips. The man never ceases to amaze me.

Fully geared in doctor's scrubs, Cal makes his way inside, even a stethoscope is wrapped around his neck, "How is my favorite patient doing today?"

"The progress is slow, but I'm in for a long haul," I reply with a glee.

"Let me check your chart," he looks at a medical file in his arms, must have stolen it from the unsuspecting medical personnel, "I see you're scheduled for a kiss therapy followed by a sensual aroma-oil massage delivered by yours truly."

Swallowing the laugh that threatens to break free, I wrinkle my nose in a mocked frustration doing my best to play along, "Yeeei, who doesn't love procedures with goofy names…"

"Hey, you're pouting! I take it as a sign that your facial muscles are working," Cal winks, as he closes the gap between us and leans over. I take a comfort in the kiss, parting my lips with eagerness, reveling in the tenderness of the moment.

"You're insufferable," I breath softly against his lips, savoring in the way his touch smolders me from the inside and brings a flush on my cheeks, "And a terrible diagnostician".

"But a damned good kisser," he counters, his hot breath tickling my skin.

When our lips part and he moves away, I see a subtle play of emotions on his face, his soft eyes full of affection and delight. Once again, I'm amazed with the diversity of non-verbal communication that us, people, have at disposal.

Ignoring a slight tug from the IV, I self-consciously run fingers through my disheveled hair, "I must be looking like hell."

"You're gorgeous," he captures my palm and puts it to his lips, "the hospital gown brings out the blue in your eyes."

"You're a terrible liar," I murmur good-naturedly.

"Normal people think that's a good thing," he laughs, reminding of our past conversation where he accused me of being a bad liar.

Before I figure a witty reply, a nurse pops in to inform that it is time for the actual procedures.

Cal helps me to get ready. It is crazy how attached to him I have become over the last months. The emptiness I feel in his absence borderline on physical pain. Never before I have been so dependent on anyone.

POV – Cal

I aid Gill to her feet. She's a lot stronger and more stable, not needing as much assistance anymore. Handling her over to the nurse, I promise to be here upon her return.

Once alone, I give my tout muscles a stretch and ungracefully plop down into the sofa. Brushing hands over my face I lean back, making myself comfortable for the wait.

While I'm with Gill, the rest of the world ceases to exist. But as soon as we're apart, the reality kicks in.

Ria is the only person who knows about the nightmare I've been living in and only because she found me late one night hiding in the darkness of my office while nursing my third scotch and absentmindedly staring at an ultrasound picture of mine and Zoe's baby. She asked, if I wanna talk about it. I opened my mouth to object, but to her and my own surprise started to speak up instead. She listened to my story with bewildered expression on face, apparently not expecting such openness. I didn't intend to tell her anything, it just happened. All the built-up stress and frustration was eating me from the inside. Ria just happened to be at the right place at the right time to witness the eruption.

I told Ria about Zoe's pregnancy. That as much as I try, I do not feel any joy or real connection with her or our unborn child. That Zoe threatened to have an abortion, if I broke up with her. So I stayed, but I constantly think about the other child, the one who died and almost took his mother with him. That I keep wondering if it was a boy or a girl. That Gill wanted a child for so long…

I told her how I blame myself for not noticing (or ignoring?) that Gill was pale and unhealthy thin even before her disappearance. I was so such a coward that not once asked her how she feels.

Ria was not overly surprised to hear that at times I feel as if I'm suffering from a split personality syndrome, torn between Zoe and Gill.

The other day Gill, still weak after the surgery, quietly and shyly told me that she loves me and thanked me for being in her life. In that moment I wanted to die, to evaporate into thin air. Instead, as she was falling back into oblivion, still very fragile and weak, I told her that I loved her too. A small smile at the corner of her bruised lips was the only evidence that she had heard me. Burying my forehead in her hair, I tried to hide mainly from myself the tears glistering at the corners of my eyes from her innocent sweetness.

Too late I realized how much she means to me. But breaking up with Zoe would mean killing an innocent life and I can't have another death on my conscience.

After a pregnant pause, Ria asked me what I plan to do. I looked at her in silence pouring the dark liquor in two glasses and offering her one. She took it and emptied in one go leaning back in the chair. Narrowing her eyes she looked at me with a thoughtful expression, "Do you what my opinion?"

"Go ahead," I nodded, knowing full well that I will not like it one bit.

As if weighting all options, she took her time before she spoke, "you're one of the smartest persons I know, but your brain is wired in a strange way. You always want what you can't have and never appreciate what is right under your nose. You made your choice, when you broke up with Gill. Be it fate or an accident, the child she was carrying died almost killing her in the process, but Zoe is with a child here and now. You have to let Gill go, give her time to remember, time to grief and come to the terms with what happened on her own. She is strong, stronger than any of us give her credit for. Besides, Gill might be many things, but she is neither vindictive nor resentful. The woman is simply unable to hold a grudge. When she remembers, she will understand and forgive, you will stay friends. But it will not be possible, if you drag her along, keep her on a leash of lies be it for love or redemption, while Zoe…"

"Don't you get it, I love Gill and what to be with her, only her. Yes, I am a moron, I screwed up, big time… but I'm not giving up on her now!" I exploded, painfully smashing a fist against the table.

"Then I do hope you figure out what to do. Gill and I might not be the best friends, but I respect her. She has suffered enough for a lifetime, don't hurt her again..." Ria replied calmly. With these words she left me to face my demons alone, her heels clicked down the empty halls until the sound faded in the distance.

Fuck her! I remember gritting my teeth, whoever said talking is the great panacea was a moron!

In retrospect, as much as I hate to admit it, Ria was right. I only made everything worse by not telling the truth when there still was time.

The next day at the hospital put the final nail in my coffin. I was with Gill, when one of the nurses popped in. Gill had just woken. I was so lost in the familiarity of her soft eyes that I didn't pay any attention to what was going on.

Bewildered expression on Gill's face and muted question in her eyes forced me back to the reality.

"You're one lucky gal, my dear, your fiancée here," the nurse continued as she went on with her tasks not paying any attention to the change of the atmosphere in the room, "is a true gem. He was so worried about you that we literally had to kick him out of the room just to be able to examine you. You must be looking forward to the wedding…"

The woman seemed vaguely familiar. It took me a moment to recognize her face. She had a shift on the night when Gill was brought it. I said that I am Gill's fiancée to get into the ICU.

Gill was clearly confused and unsure, but at the same time genuinely delighted. I didn't have the heart to destroy her illusion, so I went on with the lie.

On Monday I will take Gill home. Her old house is all set up and ready for her arrival. But first, I will drop off Zoe and Emily at the airport. They will spend three weeks in Hawaii, five stars all-inclusive holiday package and all.

It will by me some time, for what, I don't know.

All I know is that there must a special circle in hell for people like me.

Tbc