Chapter Sixty-Nine: Awakening- Part Two
(April 24th, 2018 Tuesday Evening)
Natsu laid there in a forced daze, every second worse than the last. He tried shutting his brain off to get a sense of relief, but it was no use. He could keep his thoughts at bay for a moment, but the disgust of his actions cracked the protective shell he wrapped himself in.
He wanted to forget, wanted to stop thinking. He wanted to dissolve into his mattress and disappear until the sickening feeling was gone.
He didn't think that was possible.
The illness he felt coursing through his body wasn't just from his actions. It was the way he felt afterwards. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get rid of the satisfaction he felt from getting a proper release, no matter what he used as inspiration.
Which was the problem.
He had jerked off while thinking about a victim of abuse. Lucy had been raped, tortured, and while she hadn't mentioned it, he suspected she suffered from verbal abuse as well. He doubted Ivan shared kind words with her when he was slicing at her skin.
Natsu's stomach churned, his sharp teeth gritting as he closed his eyes. Lucy had been through so much pain, more hardship than any person should be put through. He wanted to be more mad at himself for what he did, which made him loath the part of him that tried justifying his actions.
After seeing how Lucy handled herself off base and how she carried herself now, it almost erased the version of her he saw when he found her in that basement. She was strong, brave, feisty, and had some sass that did weird things to his gut.
She was so much more than a victim.
But that didn't excuse his behavior. If anything, it made him an asshole for trying to get rid of the guilt that took root in his heart, wrapping around it so tight he swore he grew dizzy.
It didn't help that his head was still light, Natsu unable to move from his spot on the bed, sprawled out in his shame.
But, he didn't feel all that shameful. It wasn't like he did anything to Lucy. He just thought about her while...
Natsu swallowed as his eyelids parted, staring at the stars on the ceiling. It wouldn't be long before the sun set, then those stars would glow and he would be reminded yet again Lucy wasn't there to enjoy them.
With a groan, Natsu shifted, laying on his side as he failed to get comfortable. He didn't want to throw a pity party. He just wanted to understand why he felt both guilty and not guilty about what he did.
He was sure Lucy wouldn't approve of his actions, not that he ever planned to tell her. It would be a cold day in hell when he got the words out, his throat squeezing at the thought.
Was he overreacting? It was just some harmless fantasies. He hadn't violated her, right? Despite seeing the changes in her, Natsu kept thinking back to the frail girl he found in the basement. Would he ever get over that image? That fear that she would break if someone raised their voice or bumped into her?
He hoped so. It was obvious Lucy didn't want to be that broken person anymore. If he struggled to get rid of that version of herself, how hard was she fighting?
Natsu focused on Lucy's recovery thus far as he got up. Even after cleaning himself and putting on a fresh change of clothes, he still felt dirty.
He allowed himself a moment to pretend it wasn't so bad. It wasn't as if he could go back and change what he did anyway, and he already planned on abstaining from that behavior again.
Even if his mind insisted on veering back to the fantasies. He wondered if that was how everyone thought. He knew a few perverts around base who probably lived in the gutter. Nobarly, Jet, and Macao certainly made the list of pervs. He would include Gray too, if the thought of his friend didn't also cause his chest to ache.
He didn't like fighting with his best friend. 'Can I even still call him that?' Natsu ground his teeth together, wishing things had turned out differently. Was the end of the world the reason Gray changed his morals? He had been against cruelty before the outbreak, even against the death penalty. It had been a hot topic when Ivan's secrets were exposed, most of the student body openly saying they wanted him 'put down'.
Natsu couldn't imagine how hard it was for Gramps and Laxus while Ivan's fate was up in the air. He knew Laxus got shit for it, especially when he announced he was going into law enforcement after graduating.
Natsu was surprised he actually got accepted, but he knew Laxus and Ivan weren't the same. He didn't sense a darkness lingering in Laxus, though considering he had never met someone so bad, he wasn't sure what it would even look like.
Maybe he was too naive? Too trusting?
Natsu knew Gray's trust in people had gradually declined since the outbreak began. He recalled a man shoving Gray towards a zombie that first day to get away, but Erza had pulled him to safety before the undead could get a chunk out of him.
He shivered, hating when that day surfaced in his mind. There had been so much chaos, everyone confused and scared and violent. Things were better now, in a way. They were surviving, making a little life for themselves inside of Magnolia High.
Inside Fairy Tail.
A small smile found its way on Natsu's face at the thought of his new home. While he missed Igneel, he was thankful he had his friends. He loved them, cherished the limited time they got to spend together.
Which made it worse he was fighting with Gray, that smile slipping as he dragged a hand over his face.
"Is this the hill I want to die on?"
Was Gray right?
Were morals a luxury?
Natsu moved towards the window, wishing he had something to take the edge off. Cigarettes, beer, even a fucking joint. He was tempted to pay Levy a visit before dinner to see if she had anything to help, but he dismissed that idea.
The problem with Gray had to be dealt with while sober, mind free and able to make rational decisions.
Though, with the dead literally rising to eat them, rational felt like a flimsy concept.
Natsu continued debating, going back and forth, making pros and cons to each side before groaning. He wasn't going to figure it all out today. He doubted he would ever understand why Gray backed the idea of people dying for the sake of finding a cure.
Sinking onto the floor, Natsu rested his back against the wall as he stared at his door, allowing his mind to blank for a moment. Not thinking was peaceful, until it inevitably ended.
With a sigh, Natsu pulled his knees to his chest before resting his forehead. He didn't want to delve too far into that rabbit hole, hating both choices. He could either accept Gray or let the friendship between them end.
He didn't want to lose his friendship. Gray had been there when he had been lost, a little kid thrown into the system with an apathetic brother who didn't want to talk to him.
The bond between Gray and Natsu had been indestructible. Despite the fights and insults between them, they were brothers, but now Gray felt more like a stranger.
Natsu groaned as he bumped his head against his knees, wishing things were simple again. How many times had he wished for that? He had lost count. Things were never going to be simple again, and the sooner he accepted that, the sooner he could move forward.
But, where exactly were they moving to?
Natsu's thoughts continued for a moment before they circled back to Lucy and his newest predicament. Was he overreacting? It was just some harmless stress-relief, or was he trying to justify his actions by downplaying the situation?
How would he act when he saw her next? It was only a matter of time, dinner right around the corner. Could he act normal? Or would he somehow give away what he had done?
"This is ridiculous," Natsu said as he stood, dusting off his jeans before moving towards the door to unlock it. "I'm just gonna get this over wi—"
Natsu's words died in his throat when he yanked open his door, coming face to face with Lucy. Her fist was inches from his nose before falling, brown eyes widening when she realized she didn't have to knock.
"Oh, hey," Lucy said, unaware of the dread filling Natsu's stomach.
'How long was she out there?' He thought back to when he argued with his friends and found out she had heard the whole thing. Was history repeating itself? There was no way she had been out there when he was—
Considering the lack of anger or disgust on her face, he guessed she didn't know about his... alone time. Just thinking about it had his face warming. He wasn't used to feeling flushed, unsure what to do to fix it.
"Hey!" Natsu panicked, forcing a chuckle before clearing his throat, resting his shoulder against the doorframe. "What's uh, what's up?"
Lucy's brows disappeared under her bangs for a second before she smiled. "I see you're not tired anymore."
"Tired?" A wrinkle formed on Natsu's forehead as he wondered why she thought he was tired. His brain drew a blank, so he shook his head. "I'm fine. I uh, was actually gonna go find ya."
"You were?"
"Yeah, for dinner."
Lucy's eyes dropped to his empty hands before bouncing back to his face. "Where's your dishes?"
"Uh..." Natsu paled. He probably looked silly. Leaning into it, he cupped the back of his neck before saying, "Oh, um... I'm a little scatterbrained."
"Oh, I've been like that before."
While Natsu fumbled with a response, Lucy clicked her tongue while pointing at Natsu's feet. "Go on Happy."
The cat entered the room, trotting over to his food bowl before letting out a meow. Natsu welcomed the distraction, widening his door before saying, "I should go feed him."
If Lucy thought his behavior was strange, she didn't comment. She lingered at the door while he filled Happy's bowl, Natsu trying to focus on his task instead of the dirty deed that took place a few feet to his left.
'How could I do that?' he wondered, trying to place his mindset at the time. It had seemed like a good idea, a way to get those strange urges out of his system, but one time hadn't been enough to purge him of those thoughts.
If anything, it made it worse.
He still had questions, sickly curious to know what Lucy liked beneath the sheets. If he had paid more attention to Loke when they were in Hargeon, maybe he would have found out. Loke liked talking about his 'extracurricular activities'. Loke probably mentioned being with Lucy a few times without Natsu noticing.
Instead of his curiosity growing, it vanished into thin air as his stomach jerked. He couldn't describe the jumble his chest had become, but he knew it was much worse than guilt.
However, the guilt didn't fade. It whispered in his ear, telling him Lucy deserved a better friend than him, one who wouldn't violate her trust.
He ignored it, much like he ignored Happy's reluctance to eat his food. It wasn't fish flavored, but he would have to deal with it. All food was rationed, including those for pets.
'You get what you get and you don't throw a fit.'
Natsu stole a peek at Lucy, seeing she was still at the doorway. He stood, moving towards his bookcase to grab his stuff for dinner. He would have to copy Lucy, her dishes placed in a reusable plastic bag. It would make carrying them much easier.
Natsu clung to that, wanting something normal in his head. He didn't want to act jumpy or strange around Lucy. What was done was done, and as long as he didn't do it again, there was no reason to dwell on it.
Though, it was hard meeting her gaze. Lucy's smile widened when he looked her way, her eyes full of trust and amusement. The urge to run his thumb over her cheekbone, right under her eye surfaced within him, but he quickly shoved it down.
He had made a deal with himself. One time, and he had already spent it.
"Happy give you any trouble?" Natsu asked, closing the distance between them before Lucy stepped out of the way.
She spoke as he locked up, telling him all about how her and Happy went for a walk around the garden before visiting the chickens. A warm laugh escaped her as she told him she had to hold him, otherwise she was sure he would have chased them.
"I'm glad you had him under control," Natsu said, managing an easy laugh. They were side by side, his eyes ahead as they made their way down the stairs. "I'm sure Gramps woulda been pissed at me if he got one."
"Yeah. That little ball of fur has more energy than any of us." Lucy looked his way once they reached the first floor. "Speaking of energy... are you relaxed now?"
"What?" Natsu furrowed his brows, trying to remember if he told her he was stressed.
"You know," she started, her smile lifting her tone. "After—"
His stomach fell, eyes widening as fear infected his mind. She knew. She fucking knew what he did. He looked at her, panic in his eyes as he parted his lips. If she knew what he did, then she obviously heard from outside the room. If she heard, then she also heard him say her name while he did it. He tried being quiet, but he knew she knew. There was no way she didn't.
An apology was at the tip of his tongue, ready to beg for her forgiveness, but before he could utter a word Lucy added, "—your nap."
"My nap!"
Lucy jolted away, shock playing at her face before she chuckled. "Are you okay?"
"Yes! I uh—" He coughed, trying to get his frazzled nerves under control. "Um, yes. I'm okay and, yes. Yes, my nap."
Lucy stopped, Natsu reluctantly following her lead. A few people walked around them, deciding food was better than witnessing Natsu panic.
"Are you sure you're okay? You're acting kind of weird."
Natsu couldn't stop himself, barking out a laugh before smothering his mouth with his palm. He mumbled, unsure if she could hear him. "That's funny... Coming from you."
Lucy was weird enough for the both of them, so to hear her call him that, he must be a terrible actor. He needed to pretend everything was normal, even if his mind had other ideas.
Just looking at her had his arms dotting with goosebumps, eyes disobediently dropping to her lips for a few seconds before flashing back to her eyes. Luckily for him, Lucy wasn't looking his way, moving closer so she didn't obstruct traffic in the halls.
"Seriously though," she said, brown eyes finding his. "Are you okay? Do you need more rest?"
Natsu suppressed a groan. More 'rest' was not going to fix his situation. "I'm fine," he said, dropping his hand. He adjusted his dishes, thankful he didn't drop them considering how shaky his body felt. "Really... Just, scatterbrained."
Lucy held his gaze, Natsu resisting the urge to squirm after the first few seconds ticked by. Her blonde brows were furrowed, studying his face before she let out a sigh. "Okay. If you say so."
Tension dropped from his body when she turned, leading them towards the school's exit. "I should turn in early tonight," she said, carrying on like he hadn't just made a fool of himself.
"Oh yeah?"
Lucy nodded. "It was a long day." She blew air through her nose before looking up at him again. "I'm not looking forward to telling Rogue."
"Telling him what?" Natsu asked, needing her to tilt her head before he remembered. "Oh, about you're—" A quick glance around confirmed no one was close enough to eavesdrop. "I think you're making the right choice."
She nodded, but her eyes betrayed her. "What if—" She bit her bottom lip, Natsu needing to swallow as he fought the urge to reach over and stop her. He could picture it perfectly in his head, his thumb gently brushing on her lower lip until her teeth released the flesh.
Her lips looked soft, full and enticing. He had never felt a pull like that, but he ground his teeth against each other because now was not the time to be thinking such things.
It would never be the time.
"What if Rogue tells me I can't be a runner?" Lucy asked, the pain in her voice vanquishing his strange urges.
"I don't think he will," Natsu said, hesitating before deciding setting his hand on her shoulder was harmless.
At least, that was what he thought, until he felt his plate slip from his fingers. The crash sounded before he could react, his reflexes shot after the crazy events from the day.
"Shit," Natsu mumbled before dropping to his knee, picking up the pieces. Luckily for him, the plate broke into three parts, making his clean up a breeze. However, it left him without a dish for his dinner.
"The commissary's definitely closed now," he groaned, wondering if he had something in his room he could use as a substitute.
Before he had a chance to turn that way, Lucy dug her hand into her bag before showing him a bowl. "You can use this?"
"You sure?" Natsu asked, rising to his feet. He didn't doubt his ability to use it, merely wondering if she minded if he borrowed it.
He realized the answer before she could nod her head. Of course she didn't mind, because Lucy was kind and willing to share things. They had shared a lot of things since meeting. Stories, food, a room, a bed.
Laughs were his favorite thing they shared, especially when it took her so long to enjoy herself. He found himself smiling, happy she had come so far. She wasn't that same scared girl he found in the basement so long ago.
He liked the changes he saw in her, even if some of her decisions had him concerned.
"Thanks," he said, accepting the bowl. He tossed his broken plate in a nearby trash can before rejoining Lucy. "So scatterbrained."
She smiled, his chest feeling light as she said, "It happens. Here." She held out her bag. "Let me carry them until we get our food."
Natsu wanted to refuse her offer, but considering he wasn't in the right frame of mind, it was best to accept the help. "Thanks."
"No problem."
He nodded as he put his dishes in her bag, brows pinching together when he tried picking the conversation up where he left it. "What were we talking about again?"
"Rogue possibly firing me."
If it weren't for her overdramatic tone, Natsu wouldn't have rolled his eyes and chuckled. "He's not gonna fire ya."
"You don't know that," she said before taking a deep breath. "But, I guess if that's his decision, I'm going to have to live with it. He should know about my trigger."
Weight seemed to settle on Natsu's chest again, his shoulders falling as he said, "What are you gonna say to him?"
"I don't know," Lucy answered, Natsu hearing the raw truth behind her words. "I don't want to... but, I need to." She lifted a hand to grip her arm, eyes falling between them.
He wanted to reach out and tip her chin upwards, but the last time he tried touching her he ended up breaking a dish. Even without that risk, it was better to keep his distance. "Do you want me to go with you when you do it?"
She shook her head. "I'm a big girl."
He didn't mean to snort, but it came out anyway. "Yeah, but that doesn't mean you gotta do everything by yourself. I can be your backup."
"Thanks," Lucy said, her big brown eyes capturing his sanity when she looked up through her dark lashes. He was transfixed until she said, "But I can handle it. I want to do more things on my own."
'Sounds lonely,' Natsu thought, wanting to be by her when she faced challenges. He wanted to support her, especially given how reluctant he had been accepting her choices lately.
More weight piled on, Natsu unable to find that smile from before.
"I don't want to give up being a runner," Lucy said.
"I think if you tell Rogue you wanna train again, he'll be for it. You can still be a runner but someone has your back. And, and it's good to tell Rogue." Natsu paused, wondering what would happen if she had a panic attack while off base and he wasn't around. Was that even what she had? It was terrifying and left Natsu feeling helpless. He couldn't imagine what it did to Lucy's mind.
After a deep breath, Natsu added, "He should know what's going on, in case it happens again."
Lucy nodded, squeezing her arm as she sighed. "Yeah. I'm going to talk to Grandeeney about it too, when I get the chance."
Had they been walking, Natsu would have stopped in his tracks. "Grandeeney? Why?"
With a raise of her brow, Lucy said, "Because I talk to her?" She said it like it was obvious, like everyone knew.
'Shit, what if everyone does know? And I'm the last to find out?'
He wondered if she started talking to Grandeeney after he left for Hargeon. So many other things had changed. It made sense she would seek out help from an elder, even if Grandeeney was in her late thirties. She was older than them. Wiser too.
"I didn't tell you?" Lucy asked, causing him to shake his head. "Huh... I thought I did." A moment of silence passed, Lucy's shoulders tightening against her body. "I um, I talk to her sometimes, about... stuff."
He believed her. Natsu didn't need a shred of proof to believe her, but his throat defiantly pushed out, "You do?"
"Yeah... Once, sometimes twice a week." She took a steady breath before admitting, "We kind of have sessions. She's been... helping me work some stuff out."
"Oh." Natsu stared at her, taking his time processing that information. He had wanted her to seek help, but he thought she would have told him if she did it. She sounded confused that he didn't know, which was odd since it made sense she would start talking to Grandeeney after he left. He had only been back at Fairy Tail for a little over a week. Surely she would remember telling him, unless...
'Unless it didn't start while I was gone?'
Natsu's stomach twisted as dread crawled up his spine. He didn't want to ask, didn't want to know, but the words found their way out. "How long has that been going on?"
Natsu wasn't sure if Lucy could read his mind, but the strain in her jaw and her hesitance to answer led him to believe she could. Her lips twisted as she fought a cringe. "The... day after Christmas."
Natsu closed his eyes, brows furrowing as sickness invaded his stomach. Four months. She had been talking to Grandeeney about her problems for four months, and he didn't know.
'Because she didn't want me to know... Just like she didn't want me to know she wanted to be a runner.'
"Natsu?"
He shook his head, battling his doubt, but it was no use. He hated where all the signs were being pointed.
Was talking with Grandeeney the reason she came out of her shell? He had thought he was helping her along the way, but Lucy made the most progress when he was gone or wasn't involved.
A deep-seated regret took hold of his chest, constricting enough to make him struggle for air. He turned when he felt her hand on his arm, not wanting her to see him like that. Natsu couldn't control his emotions, couldn't stop the onslaught of thoughts that had him realizing he was the problem all along.
He had been suffocating her more than helping. Maybe he still was?
'Is she better off without me near?' He swallowed, loathing the part of him that refused to distance himself from her. It was probably in her best interest, but the thought of walking away, of ending their friendship hurt more than Natsu could comprehend.
He wanted her happy, but could he leave her alone so she could be in peace?
If that was the case, he needed to hear it from her. He needed her to tell him to stay away, otherwise he didn't think he could take a step back. The thought of losing her... it tore him up inside.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Natsu whispered, eyes flying open when she answered.
"I didn't want to burden you."
He turned, eyes fixed on hers as he pleaded, "Lucy, you're never a burden."
Despite the pain on her face, she managed to give him a pointed look. "I was a burden in the beginning." When he opened his mouth, she cut him off. "I remember it clearly. you can't deny it."
Natsu's gaze veered off as he recalled being frustrated at Lucy when she wouldn't work, wouldn't talk about what she was dealing with. He remembered setting her off a few times by accident, some avoidable, but some not. He didn't know much about her, and living with an uncooperative stranger had been difficult.
He would do it all again if he had to go back, refusing to imagine his life without Lucy in it.
"I wouldn't use those words," he finally settled with, crossing his arms over his chest in a defensive manner. "It was tough adjusting to everything... It turned out well, and you don't—"
His words died in his throat when Lucy put a hand on his arm, his eyes lifting to meet hers. "It's fine," she said, thumb brushing against his skin a few times. "I'm very glad, very thankful. I... I know I'm fortunate that you and other people were there to help."
Natsu swore his stomach hollowed out, his voice small as he said, "I don't think I helped that much."
Before he could look away, Lucy stepped closer, her grip on his bicep tightening. "Hey," she whispered, making sure she had his attention before giving him a soft smile. "You did more for me than anyone else."
He tried looking away, wanting to refute her claim, but the conviction in her eyes had him still. Natsu swallowed, hanging on every word she breathed.
"You stayed by my side. You were patient with me." She tilted her head an inch. "It didn't always go smooth, but you were there. You..."
Lucy stole a breath, probably the one he just released. He hadn't realized they were standing so close until everything around them went silent. He didn't need to look around to know they were alone, everyone else at the arena for dinner.
They should join, but nothing could budge Natsu from his spot as he waited with bated breath, needing to know what she thought.
"You were my rock."
Natsu released his breath, tucking his chin towards his chest as he admitted, "I don't feel like a rock." If anything, he felt like stepping stones. He knew he helped a little, but based on what he saw, she came out of her shell while he was away. That spoke volumes.
Lucy's voice had him glancing up, her tone soft yet sure. "You did more for me than you'll ever know."
She held his gaze, her lips parting before closing again. He could tell she wanted to say more, but she didn't. Instead, she gave his arm a final squeeze before dropping her hand. "I promise, you helped."
Natsu swallowed despite the lump in his throat, managing a nod. "Okay."
His gut fought against it, but if Lucy said it, he would choose to believe her.
Her smile brightened seconds before his stomach did a weird flip. They needed to head to dinner, otherwise his belly would start growling soon. He didn't get a chance to urge them towards the exit, Lucy saying, "I hope if anyone else needs help, maybe I can extend a hand?"
Her smile was contagious, some tension in his shoulders loosening. "I'm sure that won't be a problem." With how messed up the world was, it wouldn't be hard to find someone struggling. He could throw a pebble in the arena and hit at least three people in need of help.
Speaking of the arena...
Natsu nodded towards the exit, prompted Lucy to walk beside him once more. He waited a few steps, unsure if diving back into the topic that had him doubting himself was a good idea. He debated, but his curiosity won.
"So, you talk to Grandeeney?"
"Yeah."
He nodded. Despite wishing he could help her more, he was thankful someone else stepped up to the plate. "Is it like therapy?"
Lucy tilted her head side to side as she hummed. "Um, kind of." She smiled before looking up at him. "She's not licensed or anything like that, but she has a lot of life experience... and she's wise."
Natsu couldn't argue with that. Most of his conversations with her consisted of her scolding him for getting injured, but she had an ocean of advice. Some he overheard, some she gave to him. He could see Lucy benefitting from talking to her, even in a casual setting.
Lucy's eyes grow soft as she let out a gentle breath. "She lets me talk, vent... Just clear my head. It helps."
"Good."
Silence enveloped them, Natsu enjoying the peacefulness for a moment until they exited the building. "You know, Levy's trying to be a therapist."
Lucy laughed before shaking her head. "Oh, I know. She's been trying to crack me open."
He snorted, but before he could respond, Lucy said, "I've shared some things with her, but some stuff I'm not ready to talk about."
He nodded, wondering who all had pieces of Lucy's story. For a while he thought he was the only one she confided in, but apparently Grandeeney and Levy knew stuff about her life as well. Did Rogue? Erza? Hibiki? Cana? Yukino? Who all knew what happened to her?
Instead of the bitterness he expected to feel, Natsu felt the corners of his mouth tip up. Warmth replaced the weight on his chest. He felt out of place, but also relieved she was able to find so much support around her. It wasn't all on him.
'Because in the beginning... it was only me.' As much as he didn't want to admit it, helping Lucy had been a struggle, especially during that first month.
Despite that, he stayed firm that he would do it all again. If it meant getting Lucy to where she was today, he would endure it.
He knew that for a fact.
By the time they entered the arena, the conversation had changed two more times, now landing on something safe. Natsu and Lucy were in a heated debate, and neither wanted to relent.
"You can't come," she said, shaking her head.
"But it sounds fun!"
She rolled her eyes as they got in the small line. They were late, the last to arrive. "You can't join our girls' night. Have a boys' night instead."
"But yours sounds way better."
Lucy had already told him how the last time they had a girls' night, they stayed up late talking, painting their nails, and playing board games.
He didn't want his nails painted, but hanging out with his friends sounded like a blast. "I wanna play games."
"I'll tell Erza to schedule a regular game night, but girls' night is just for us." She smiled, coy and taunting. "Besides, if the boys are around, who are we going to gossip about?"
"You gossip about us?" Natsu asked, his curiosity tripling.
She laughed, shaking her head as she turned to face the front of the line. "So gullible."
Natsu couldn't help but laugh too. "Fine, I won't crash your girls' night." He wouldn't be able to anyway. He was going to switch two days of receiving to be on watch, and one of those days was when Lucy said the girls would gather.
"You're—" Lucy started, only to lose her voice when someone a few places up said, "This is bullshit."
Natsu raised a brow, peeking over to see Mest talking with his twin, Doranbolt. If it weren't for the scar under Doranbolt's left eye, Natsu wouldn't be able to tell them apart.
"Stop bitching," Doranbolt said, waving him off. "You want more food, go off base. Otherwise, shut the hell up."
Natsu's eyes widened as he glanced at Lucy, seeing her equally perplexed. The conversation between the twins continued, but their voices were too low for Natsu to follow.
"Anyways..." Natsu turned his attention to Lucy. She was more interesting anyway. "About this game night?"
"Can I talk to you?"
Natsu welcomed the tap on his shoulder, nodding before he got a chance to see who asked the question. He paled when he realized it was Alzack, reluctant to talk with him after seeing how Lucy fared with Bisca.
However, any escape was a blessing. He didn't realize how hard it would be sitting next to Lucy during dinner. She didn't say or do anything wrong, but he had thought his lewd thoughts were done after they had a heart-to-heart in the halls.
He was wrong.
Some juices from her dinner ran off her fork and down the side of her hand. Watching her drag her tongue against her skin had his face burning red, wondering what it would feel like having her lick his skin like that.
He should not have gotten turned on by that, thankful the table concealed the discomfort that had grown in his pants until he willed himself down.
Alzack's interruption couldn't have come at a better time, Natsu already gathering his dishes before nodding to his friends. "See ya."
After hearing Erza's lecture about not using a bobby pin to clean his ears, he was sure he could handle Alzack's rant about not hunting unless they were positive they could catch their prey. He wouldn't have told Erza he tried the bobby pin thing, but he mentioned his ear had been throbbing a bit. Not enough to hurt, but enough to know he wouldn't do it again.
Despite telling her that, Erza warned him of the dangers. It seemed unnecessary, but that was Erza, taking on a protective older sister role even though no one asked her to.
'Is that how Lucy sees me?' He frowned, feeling sick at the thought of Lucy seeing him as a protective older brother. It made no sense to him. He felt strong bonds with his friends to the point they felt like family. Growing up around fostered and adopted kids showed him blood didn't mean family. Love did.
He felt a strong bond with Lucy, but something about the idea of her being his sibling had him nauseated.
If he wasn't standing on solid ground, he would swear he was on a moving train with how sick he felt.
Natsu pushed those thoughts from his head, following Alzack towards the exit of the arena. He thought the conversation would be held at an empty table, but Alzack led him past the parking lot and towards the picnic tables outside of the school.
He decided it was best to let Alzack say whatever he needed to say, that way he could get on with his evening. He learned his lesson after seeing Lucy torn up about what they did. However, he figured fighting it would only draw out Alzack's scolding, so he did as he was told and sat down across from the professional hunter.
"Want some candy?" Alzack asked, tossing Natsu a packet of peanut M&M's.
He caught it without thinking, brows drawing in as he said, "Thanks?"
"Asuka's allergic to peanuts, and last time I had some they had no taste.
Natsu nodded, knowing all too well what he meant. Not all, but a lot of packaged food lost its flavor when it passed the expiration date. Even if they didn't have a taste, Natsu could eat them for the texture and calories.
"I'm sure you already got a heads up on this?" Alzack asked, waiting for Natsu's nod to continue. "Alright. Look, I know I'm not your mentor or anything, but I think it's important to remember the value of life and death."
Natsu took a deep breath, buckling in for a long twenty minutes of Alzack's talk. He brought up the bear they ran into on their way to Hargeon first, how it was a tragedy it had to be killed because they had disrupted its life. He then went on to say he thought it was admirable Lucy and him wanted to get more meat for Fairy Tail, but they went about it the wrong way. He said he knew they weren't being intentionally cruel, but their actions could have made the rest of that deer's life miserable had the zombies not gotten to it first.
Natsu felt an array of emotions as the talk continued, mostly disappointment in himself for encouraging Lucy to pursue the deer. He didn't know better, but he had learned his lesson.
Alzack must have felt the same way, wrapping up the talk by saying he knew Natsu was a good judge of character, and while he didn't know Lucy well, he trusted Natsu to hang out with good people. Plus, Asuka said Lucy was nice, so that helped.
Despite the conversation drawing to a close, Natsu found his brows furrowing and his chest tightening. He opened his mouth, only to falter when it came to expressing his doubts.
Alzack encouraged him, cutting himself off so he could ask Natsu if he had something he wanted to say.
Reluctantly, Natsu nodded, stomach twisting as he mumbled, "I'm not..." His eyes fell to the table between them. He held his breath for a few seconds before slowly releasing it. "I'm not that good at judging characters."
"Lucy's not—"
Natsu shook his head in an instant, cutting Alzack off. "I'm not talking about Lucy. I'm talking about—" His teeth clenched together, the subject of his other best friend still a sore one.
Could he even consider him his friend? Let alone best?
"Gray," Alzack said, skipping over the part where he pretended he didn't know. "I was surprised by his decisions too."
Natsu stole a glance at Alzack. When he first arrived at Fairy Tail, his hair covered half his face. It was gelled back now, cut and tidy to keep his vision clear. That wasn't the only difference. Everyone had grown since the outbreak started, some better, some worse.
Alzack was one of the good ones, dependable and trustworthy. Having him on their mission to Hargeon lessened the stress, knowing Alzack was good with his guns and sharp off base. Everyone on that mission to Hargeon had grown closer, like a family all on their own.
But, Gray had pulled away after revealing he was okay with what Hargeon did. Or, perhaps, maybe Natsu pushed him away?
His eyes fell once more, debating if he even wanted to get into it. His situation with Gray was beyond a mess, and he was unsure if they could repair the damage that had been done.
He wanted his friend back, but could he accept his choices? His disregard for human life?
Confliction stirred in his chest, discomfort swarming his body. He had gone through too many emotions today, and the last thing he needed was to add more.
However, Alzack didn't catch on, sighing before saying, "I'm not going to say I condone what they're doing, but I will say I can understand Gray being okay with it."
Natsu was shaking his head before Alzack finished his sentence. "They're real people."
"I know, and I wish things were different." He paused before his shoulders fell. "I don't think I'd ever be okay with it, but I have talked to Gray, and I can understand how he got mixed up in all of it."
"What are his reasons?" Natsu asked, wishing he could yank the question back. He wasn't sure he wanted to know, scared he might side with Gray after all. He didn't want to lose his humanity.
Thankfully and unfortunately, Alzack shook his head. "That's Gray's business. If you want to know, you'll have to ask him yourself."
"I..." Natsu was at a loss for words. He didn't know what he should do. He didn't even know what he wanted to do. Could he live with what Hargeon was doing? He was opposed to it, even if he understood they wanted to help mankind in the long run. They were going about it the wrong way.
The inhumane way.
"Gray's a good kid. You all are."
Natsu didn't know how he felt about being called a kid, considering he was closing in on his twenty-first birthday. Alzack wasn't that much older than them. Less than a decade.
"Thanks," Natsu mumbled, unsure what else to say. He sighed, running his fingers through his pink hair. "If we're good here, I think I'm gonna go? Getting kinda tired."
That was an understatement. Had he really had a nap like he said, he might have enough energy to deal with his dilemma with Gray.
"Yeah," Alzack said with a nod. "I think I talked your ear off enough. You know right from wrong. You're good."
As Alzack stood, Natsu's stomach dropped. Was he good? Thoughts of what he did earlier surfaced in his head, his eyes falling as he fought the guilt. What was more disturbing? His lack of regret.
He wanted to do it again, already conjuring more lecherous thoughts about Lucy. It disturbed him how reluctant his mind was on the matter, not wanting to put it to rest.
"Something on your mind?"
Natsu looked up, surprised Alzack stuck around. Seconds later, he wanted to bonk himself on the forehead. He was the one saying he would take off, then sat there stuck in his head.
His gross, vile, and surprisingly imaginative head.
Shaking his head, Natsu said, "Nah, it's fine."
"Doesn't look fine?"
Natsu suppressed a groan. The sooner Alzack left, the sooner he could fall apart on the table. He could already see himself resting his cheek against the scratchy wood as he contemplated every bad decision he made to get him there.
It would happen without a doubt, but Alzack had other plans. He took his seat across from Natsu, forearms resting on the table. He said nothing, stubbornly waiting Natsu out.
His guilt morphed into irritation, then defeat when five agonizing minutes trickled by without either saying a word. The longer he stalled, the more Alzack knew there was a problem.
However, there was no way in hell he could tell Alzack what was wrong. How could he even say it without sounding like the biggest asshole at Fairy Tail.
'I beat off while thinking of my friend. My abused friend.'
Hadn't Lucy been through enough shit in her life? Why did his fucked up head have to add more?
Finally, after another two minutes, Alzack let out an exasperated breath. "Come on. You can tell me what's wrong."
Natsu ground his teeth together before shaking his head. "I really can't."
"Did you hurt someone?" Alzack asked in a nonchalant tone, but the seriousness in his eyes betrayed him.
Only when Natsu muttered, "No," did Alzack relax.
"Then what's up?"
Natsu held Alzack's stare for a few seconds before dipping his chin, a hand cupping the back of his neck before scratching at his skin. He should have worn his scarf. It always brought him comfort.
Natsu was a moment away from getting up and leaving without so much as a word, but when Alzack called his name, he lost his breath. In barely a whisper, Natsu said, "I feel like a bad person."
Had Alzack been sitting even a few inches away, he wouldn't have heard him. resting his cheek on his closed fist, Alzack asked, "Why?"
Natsu's eyes shifted around him, but the closest person was by the arena. They were too far away to even tell who it was, giving them enough privacy. "I..." He swallowed, a knot forming in his throat. "I did... something."
"What was it?"
Natsu wanted to get it out and over with, but as soon as he opened his mouth, he shook his head. "It's too embarrassing."
"Oh come on," Alzack said, offering a laugh. "I've heard of and been through everything imaginable. I'm not gonna judge you."
"You might."
He shook his head. "I don't think I will."
Natsu frowned, nails pressing into the back of his neck before he laid his palm against the table. His breath was surprisingly calm, a stark contrast to his racing heart.
Could he trust Alzack with what happened? He said he wouldn't judge him, but that was easier said than done. What happened if Alzack decided it was worth sharing? He didn't want to end up in a rumor spread around Fairy Tail. The latest gossip was Loke and Jenny hooking up, but that was bound to get old soon.
With a lack of entertainment, people clung to anything interesting, and he was sure the vultures around the school would get a kick out of what Natsu did behind closed doors.
He could suffer the humiliation, but he couldn't, wouldn't risk Lucy finding out.
She trusted him, and he didn't want to let her down.
It was a lapse of judgement, and he wouldn't do it again, even if the temptation was strong.
"It's like I can see the gears in your head turning," Alzack said, bringing Natsu back to the present. "Tell me."
"Promise—" Natsu dragged his hand over his face, unable to believe he was about to confide in Alzack. Then again, wasn't he the perfect person to tell?
Alzack was smart and reliable. He trusted his friends, but they were too close to Lucy. He didn't want them to know what went on every time they looked at him or her. Alzack though, he was right outside of the circle. Trustworthy, but not invested in his friendship with Lucy.
"Promise you won't tell anyone?"
"Of course not."
Natsu nodded, letting that sink in before he pulled a breath of air into his lungs. It didn't calm him down, but he doubted anything would. "I..." He groaned, covering his eyes with a hand as he mumbled, "I jerked off while thinkin' about someone."
He almost said who, but he doubted it mattered to Alzack. However, the man took a guess, causing Natsu's hand and jaw to drop.
"Lucy?"
Natsu's first reaction -aside from shock- was to look around them and make sure the woman hadn't wandered over. How awful would it be to admit it with her there? Thankfully she was nowhere to be seen, Natsu exhaling before looking back at Alzack.
"How do you know?"
Before Alzack could answer, Natsu remembered moaning Lucy's name as he approached his climax. Did he hear him from outside the door? Or worse, did someone else hear it and it was now being circulated around Fairy Tail?
His train of thought didn't go far, Alzack chuckling as he said, "It was a guess, but I'd say I hit the nail on the head." He nodded to himself, Natsu wanting to wipe that stupid smile off his face. "You wouldn't shut up about her while we were on the road. I figured something was brewing there."
Natsu scoffed before crossing his arms over his chest. "I didn't talk about her that much."
With a raised brow, Alzack challenged him. "You certainly talked about her more than anyone else."
There was no denying that, even if he wanted to. Lucy was an interesting person. It wasn't his fault she crossed his mind a few times while on their mission. He hadn't thought anyone would notice.
"That all you did?" Alzack asked, clarifying when Natsu threw him a confused look. "Jerked off to her?"
Natsu flushed, causing Alzack to laugh. "Sorry, too crass?"
"Too strange." He debated his sanity in telling Alzack what happened. Could he really be trusted? Even if he didn't go telling everyone, he had a sneaking suspicion Alzack would use the information to embarrass him.
"Anyways, if that's all you did, there's nothing wrong with it."
Natsu blinked, the discomfort in his stomach lessening as hope bloomed. "There's not?"
"Nah." Alzack waved him off, still snickering. "Who hasn't done that to a cute girl they like?"
Natsu understood Alzack was teasing, but something in his gut wouldn't let that comment slide. "I don't like her."
When Alzack raised a brow, Natsu shook his head. "I mean, I like her, but not like that." He could be dense at times, but he knew what Alzack was implying.
"You don't want to be with her?" Alzack asked, but Natsu shook his head.
"We're just friends." He let out a laugh, unable to imagine anything past that in real life. Being with her in bed was only meant for a fantasy. "That'd be way too weird." He didn't give it another thought. Why would he want to complicate his friendship with Lucy because his body decided now was the best time to let loose with his hormones?
He was bound to get rid of the weird urges inside him. It was like scratching a bug bite. It felt good when he scratched, but the itch only got more persistent the more he indulged. If he wanted the bite to go away, he had to ignore it.
Even if he really, really wanted to scratch that itch.
"Whatever you say." Alzack didn't push, leaning back before swinging a leg over the bench. "I don't see anything wrong with some harmless fantasies." He paused before adding, "As long as you don't act on them without her permission."
Natsu shook his head in an instant, adamant as he said, "I'm never doing any of that stuff."
"Sure," Alzack said, but his tone suggested he didn't believe him.
Natsu didn't have the energy to defend himself, letting out a sigh. "I'm probably overreacting."
"Understatement."
Natsu let out a pathetic laugh. "I think I just had a stressful day and it's getting to me."
"Maybe. Either way, don't beat yourself up over it. It's really not a big deal."
He nodded despite not knowing if he believed Alzack or not. "Thanks."
"Anytime." Alzack rested his forearms on the table again, leaning in before saying, "Seriously. If you need advice or something, you can come to me. Okay?"
A small smile found its way to Natsu's face as he nodded. "Yeah, okay."
"Good." Alzack swung his other leg over the bench before standing. "You heading in soon?"
"In a minute." The air felt great despite the sun already down for the night. The gentle cool breeze soothed his flushed skin.
"Well, I'll see you later. Get some sleep."
"I will."
Natsu didn't watch as Alzack left, instead doing a modified version of his earlier plan. He rested his cheek on the table, but instead of picking apart his bad decisions, he let his mind go silent.
It was nice, even if it didn't last long.
'When did everything get so complicated?'
Natsu couldn't count how many times that thought crossed his mind. His emotions were muddled, making it hard to think straight.
He had always been easygoing, but lately he felt high-strung.
He paced the halls, ignoring the odd looks he received as he contemplated what he wanted to do. After leaving the picnic bench, he meant to go to his room and stay there, but five minutes hadn't passed before he was heading down the hall.
He kept passing the door, fingers curling into a fist when he got near before relaxing when he didn't stop. All he had to do was knock and the torture would be over, but when he finally summoned the courage, he realized the torture had only just begun.
Instead of Gray answering, it was Ultear, her eyes narrowed as she jutted her hip out. "Yes?"
"Is Gray here?" Natsu asked, wondering why she looked like he kicked her car. He remembered that thing was her baby, but now it was covered in her neighbor's blood after Jellal took out a zombie trying to reach them.
Natsu blinked away the memory trying to surface, needing to keep his head clear.
Ultear looked into the room, waiting a few seconds before the smallest smirk tilted her lips. "Hey Gray, are you here?"
"Seriously?" came Gray's voice, disgruntled and distant.
She looked back at Natsu, widening the door before saying, "Thanks. Little bastard thought he was about to win."
Natsu cocked his head, only receiving some clarification when Gray muttered, "I'm obviously going to win. Now shut the damn door so we can finish this round."
Deciding he wasn't willing to wait around or be shut out, Natsu poked his head into the dark room. In the corner sat Gray, surrounded by candles with a board game in front of him. He couldn't tell which one from where he stood, but knowing he was being dismissed for a stupid game grated his nerves.
"Gray, can we talk?"
"Nothing to talk about." He wouldn't meet Natsu's gaze, fiddling with a few cards in his hand as if they were the most interesting thing in the world. "Ultear, you're turn."
"Really Gray?"
Ultear stole the words right out of Natsu's mouth. He glanced at her, seeing her wink before she raised her voice. "My brother's too chicken shit to talk. Isn't that right, Gray?"
"Fuck you," Gray said, but the bite in his voice wasn't nearly as harsh as the words warranted.
If there was any chance of salvaging their friendship, Natsu wanted to take it, but Gray wasn't making it easy. He supposed after the way he had been treated, Gray had a right to be reluctant. Natsu certainly didn't feel like he deserved the harshness thrown his way recently, but his and Gray's situations were vastly different.
Still, he wanted to see if there was a chance they could remain friends, even if Gray's stance on the human experimentation made his stomach churn.
Natsu looked to Ultear again, hesitating before pulling out his key. He held it out as he said, "Mind killing some time in my room?"
"I'm good," she said, waving him off before grabbing her coat behind the door. "I can make myself scarce elsewhere." Ultear shot Gray a look, but he was busy throwing on a pair of jeans over his shorts. "Stay, chat, make up. Maybe then you won't be so pouty."
Whatever Gray muttered under his breath was too quiet for Natsu's sharp ears to detect. He watched as Ultear left the room, Gray trying to follow her before Natsu closed the door and stepped in the way.
"Move."
His dark eyes finally landed on Natsu, brows pinched as he scowled. They both knew their strength was equally matched. Rarely did one beat the other. If Gray wanted to, he could try to move Natsu out of the way.
Hesitating had to be a good sign, right?"
"Can we talk?"
Gray's eyes narrowed before returning to normal. "There's nothing to talk about."
Natsu blew out a frustrated breath. He wanted to be calm and collected, but the next words out of his mouth were, "Don't be such a stubborn ass."
Gray glowered and Natsu ran his hand over his face. "Can we please just talk? I'm... I don't want to throw away our friendship over something like this."
Instead of relaxing at the news, Gray only stiffened. "What changed? You don't care about what they do anymore?"
Gray wasn't making it easy, but he had been backed into a corner, feeling like the whole world was against him. Natsu tried reminding himself of that, even if his first, second, and third instinct was to throw a random insult his way. It was how they dealt with things, bicker a bit then move on. However, neither had ever dealt with something so heavy, the tension thick around them.
"I do care. I just..." Natsu lost his voice, shoulders slumping as he wondered if he was fighting for a friendship that had already died. "Gray, I just wanna know why."
"Why what?" His tone was anything but accommodating, holding an edge sharp enough to slice. "Why I decided I didn't care about human life?" Sarcasm and something else mixed with his tone as he threw his hands in the air. "If you're really interested to know, I do still care about life. That's why I sided with the experiments."
Natsu shook his head, refusing that answer. "That makes no sense."
"I wouldn't expect you to understand."
Silence fell between them as they shared a look, Natsu's lost and Gray's ice cold. A moment passed before Gray closed his eyes, the tension in his body loosening for a second before he stole a breath. "Look," he started, but his voice faltered.
"What?"
Gray set his gaze on the door behind Natsu, but judging by his planted feet, he wasn't ready to bolt. "I'm..." Natsu wasn't the only one coming up short, neither knowing how to navigate the uncharted waters.
A crease formed between Gray's eyebrows as he reached for the hem of his shirt. History said he would shed it because that was his nervous tick, but after his eyes widened, Gray stuffed his hands in his pocket. He was getting better at controlling the odd urge to strip.
Without looking Natsu's way, Gray said, "Remember when we were at that gas station?"
Natsu didn't bother hiding his confusion. How many gas stations had they been to in their lives? "Which one?"
"The one outside Hargeon."
It dawned on Natsu, his head tipped back for a second before nodding. Gray had been held at gunpoint until the other survivors let them go. "Yeah."
"After what happened..." Gray shook his head, voice distorted through his clenched teeth. "I felt so helpless, so fucking weak."
Natsu thought Gray was seconds away from seething, but he took a shaky breath before wrapping an arm around his stomach. "I want things to go back to the way they were... When we weren't fighting for our lives. When..." He sucked in a sharp breath. "When people weren't threatening other people."
"That happened before the outbreak," Natsu pointed out, but Gray shook his head.
"Not like this. I... For the longest time, I thought it was us verses the dead, and that was it. I never... I know we have rules against bringing hostile people to Fairy Tail, but I never thought it was needed. I saw the shows and movies and video games, but I really, I honestly thought people would band together. Not... Not..."
A long stretch of silence followed before he sighed, eyes falling again. "I just want everything normal again. I want people to stop dying—"
Natsu opened his mouth, but Gray didn't let him get a word out.
"—I know how stupid that sounds, being okay with humans dying so people will stop dying. I get it, but apparently they figured out the cause of the virus. If they can do that, maybe they can make a cure, or at least a damn vaccine. Then we can start getting things back to normal. People will stop turning into those... those things!"
Gray's fingers ran through his thick hair before gripping the ends. "I don't want anyone to die, but when they said they might be able to get a cure..." His eyes closed. "All I saw was the damn finish line. Nothing else mattered but ending this fucking virus. I know I'm on the wrong side. I know it, but—"
He looked at Natsu, dark eyes pleading. "I promise, I swear to you. I fucking swear on everything, even my mom, I don't know anything about old people or the disabled being experimented on. I know that's not much better, but all I saw were prisoners. People who committed heinous crimes, and—"
Natsu raised a hand, needing him to stop. He saw Gray's mouth twist, holding back what was bound to be more of the same. With a sigh, Natsu said, "Some part of me gets it. I still think it's wrong, but..." Despite the tension in his chest, the knots in his stomach loosened as he admitted, "I... I can see why you thought it was..."
He couldn't finish his sentence, unsure what word would be suitable. The closest was 'necessary', but that felt wrong.
Gray had been his friend since the beginning, before he really understood what was happening to him. Through foster care and school, through fights and pranks and staying up late wondering what their future was going to look like, Gray had always been by his side. Years upon years of friendship had formed between them, and maybe it was fucked up, maybe it was disgusting, but Natsu didn't want to lose his friend.
Even over human experimentation.
It was selfish, but he would find a way to look past that flaw in his friend. His dad had been in favor of the death penalty and he still looked up to Igneel. Sure, he hadn't had an opportunity to watch it unfold before him, but what could Gray have really done?
Told Hargeon to go screw themselves? He probably would have ended up in a prison cell himself. They could have easily lied, said Gray ran off and the members of Fairy Tail would have no way of proving foul play.
Fairy Tail wasn't enough to stop Hargeon, their numbers practically nothing in comparison. They would be killed before they made it to the massive walls protecting Hargeon's base.
Cutting through the silence, Gray mumbled, "I feel less human."
Natsu's eyes widened, wondering what that meant, but Gray was already shaking his head.
"I don't want to live in a world where we're pitted against each other for limited resources." Gray pushed out a breath before his head fell. "If you don't wanna... talk to me, hang out with me again... I get it." His voice grew hollow the more he spoke. "If you don't want to be my friend anymore..." Gray took a shaky breath. "I understand."
Natsu's heart fell seconds before he said, "I don't want that." He leaned against the door, feeling defeated and wrong, but he couldn't deny what he wanted, and that was to keep his friendship despite its flaws.
"Agree to disagree?" Natsu asked, watching as Gray's eyes widened before they met his.
"Really?"
Natsu's neck was stiff, but he nodded. "I can't speak for everyone, but... I'm not ready to throw in the towel."
He jolted when weight crashed against him. For a split second he thought Gray was attacking, but instead of punches, Gray's hands wrapped around him as he shook. Gray rarely expressed himself through physical touch, throwing Natsu off guard.
The first of many sniffles sounded from Gray, shallow breaths slipping past his lips as he struggled to speak.
"I just... w-want everything, back to normal again."
Natsu hesitated before putting a hand on Gray's back, wishing he could both ease his friend's pain and knock him in the head for being an idiot. Instead, he stayed quiet, even if he knew there would be no normal.
Even if all the zombies dropped dead overnight, society had crumbled. It would take decades, if not a century to go back to 'normal'.
He kept those thoughts to himself, allowing his friend a shoulder to cry on.
It was close to midnight when Natsu returned to his room. After Gray got a hold of himself, the two caught up on what they had been up to. Natsu told Gray about his adventure with Lucy today -minus anything having to do with sex or his lewd thoughts, and Gray told Natsu how he was getting used to being a clearer again, even if he didn't have his ax.
Apparently he used an ice ax now, which he said was sturdy and lightweight.
Natsu had ended their talk by inviting Gray to the next game night, though they didn't have a day picked yet. He figured with as little as they had to do in their free time, it wouldn't be long until they all hung out again.
Natsu didn't leave until Gray agreed to go, even if he did so reluctantly.
Exhaustion weighed too heavily on Natsu when he left Gray's room. He barely had the energy to take Happy out to the bathroom before crashing once he returned to the room.
'Screw brushing my teeth. Screw writing down what happened today.'
He was out like a light, falling into a heavy sleep that had him dreaming funny things. Igneel was dropping off Lucy at her house after the two of them had hung out at the mall. She had bought a chapstick that was at least six inches long while Natsu was trying to figure out the name of a restaurant where a carwash was being held.
The dream was bizarre but oddly comforting. It held two of his favorite people. He would have liked to see what happened next, but unfortunately for him, his slumber was interrupted.
Natsu furrowed his brows as he fought to stay asleep, but someone knocking at his door had him opening his eyes. "What the..." His voice was groggy as he rolled on his stomach. His body felt abnormally heavy as he pushed himself up. The only piece of clothing he wore was his boxer briefs, Natsu scratching his bare stomach as he staggered through the room.
He didn't think much of it as he unlocked his door. It was dark, especially with his shadow from the moonlight covering the person standing there. Natsu rubbed at his eyes before blinking, trying to make out the person. It took longer than it should, their frame distorted from what they carried.
Clarity came to Natsu eventually, realizing it was Lucy standing at his door, holding a bundle of bedding with her pillow on top. He cocked his head as his forehead wrinkled, not bothering to hide his confusion. "What're you doing up?"
He didn't realize something was wrong until she spoke, her voice trembling as she whispered, "Can I stay here tonight?"
.
.
.
Let's recap the chapter because a lot happened. First, Natsu's feeling guilty. He can't get the image of Lucy broken and timid out of his head, which is why he's struggling with what he did. (If only he knew Lucy used him as inspiration too) He'll eventually come to realize what he did wasn't terrible, and that he doesn't need to hold onto that image of a shattered Lucy. She's still recovering, but she's a hell of a lot further than he ever thought possible.
Next, the talk with Alzack. A lot of people questioned who he would go to about his weird feelings. The answer is a lot of people, but he's starting with Alzack who is someone he trusts, someone who has dealt with relationship stuff before, and who can give some advice. Jellal would be a close second, but he's too close to the situation. Natsu wanted an outsider's opinion. He'll talk to Gray about it eventually too, but he has experience with sex, not relationships.
Speaking of Gray, what did y'all think of Natsu's talk with him? They agreed to disagree. Gray has second thoughts on his views, struggling to keep his humanity. (As mentioned in the story, before the outbreak Gray was against things like the death penalty, so getting held at gunpoint and seeing the desperation in another human being's eyes made him want to do anything to get the outbreak fixed, even if it means harming prisoners in the process. Gray's reasons aren't an excuse, but I hope they give people a better idea of what's going on in his head and how he got to that point.
Okay, and finally, the last awakening! Lucy literally woke Natsu up. :P Did anyone guess that was the type of awakening? Any theories on why she's there and wants to stay the night?
A guest mentioned what job they think they'd have in the story, so I thought it'd be cool to hear what others thought too! What job do you think you'd pick/be assigned if you were at Fairy Tail? I personally think I'd be a runner but wouldn't go volunteering to kill the straggling zombies that wander in. I'm good with manual labor so I'd do well with moving and packing stuff all day, but the actual killing part, even if they're already dead, would be too difficult. Of course I dunno how I'd actually be in that situation, but I guess none of us know unless we've faced a real life or death situation where someone threatened your life. Anyways, what job do you think you'd end up with?
I did sneak around my work the other day to try to scare my coworker and see how hard it was being quiet while ducking behind equipment, and that was pretty fun. I think it would be easy to sneak around a zombie or two, but like I said before, dunno unless I'm actually in that situation. (And I didn't scare her, I got tired of waiting for her to come near and just gave up, lol)
*In this story, Mest and Doranbolt are two separate characters that are twins. If you read my other story Fairy Tail GO!, you'll see I made Jellal and Siegrain two different people even if in canon they were the same... kinda, lol.
Up next, Chapter Seventy: Share
Thank you so much for reading! Shout out to those fantastic people who left feedback last time: Sonkun715(x2), Wadeparker, Lodemai04, ElementalMiko12, stranger1999, MissVarta, TheCrimsonPhoenix10045(x2), theunicorn22, CodenameMise, sthokat, Copperreign12, valerioux, sakshishetty3003, AJ, Guest, SistershoOk, guest, shootingstarssel, Stellar Spirit Mage, MissYukkina, helloimsandy, dareaderreads, queenuly14, brandyj0611(x2), Duchixx, Sam, Patpat, Lovesmutbabe, Ryu of Konoha, NayWrites, Guest, FyreFalcon, aiyannaliszkap, justyourtypicalbookworm, FirstGuestReview(x2), FlameDragonHime, takeagamble27, TerraBell, Lcydragneel, XxCelestialAssassinxX(x2), Wapii(x2), fairytailfanatic0703, Bookwork129, Skibblez(x2), and car213!
I'm sorry to those who got a notification that this story got updated recently when it didn't. I do update previous chapters when I see errors or someone points out a plot hole, but sometimes it sends a notification to people. Sorry for the inconvenience. I like this site, but it does have some problems, lol.
I do commend those who stick around for this story. I never want anyone to feel obligated to continue reading if they're not feeling it. I gotta say, y'all have some major patience considering I'll say 'next chapter is a time skip' then it takes me like three more chapters to get to that point. I'll say it again and hopefully mean it this time. We have one more chapter before the time skip... Thank you again for reading! Please share your thoughts! I love hearing from you!
Also, feel free to tell me if you see inconsistencies. This story is so freaking long and I forget stuff/make mistakes. Just realized I've been writing Alzach instead of Alzack. Gotta go back and make those corrections, lol. I appreciate any help when it comes to pointing stuff out! :)