The door closed behind Allison with a quiet swish while the thoughts in her mind were anything but. It would have been so easy to slip back into old habits. The words were literally on the tip of her tongue, yet starring at her bruised and battered son from across the room Allison knew that Jake was right and this might be her last chance to salvage some sort of relationship with Jason.
"I'm glad you are going to be alright," she finally said inching her way further into the room. Jason remained silent only causing Allison to be more on edge. "Your doctor said you were very lucky. It could have been so much worse."
"You mean like dad," Jason stated matter a fact.
The last thing Allison wanted to the think about was Erik. The pain of losing him should have lessened over the years but it hadn't. In fact, it had only served to harden her heart towards her son and the life he had chosen.
"Nothing to say?" Jason continued. By the look on his mother's face, he knew that his barbs stung. That should have bothered him but it didn't.
"I'm sorry,"
"Sorry I didn't listen to you," Jason cut her off before she could continue. He knew full well what she was about to say and honestly, he didn't have the patience for it. "Or sorry that I was wrong and you were right? Please, please mother tell me again how racing is going to kill me someday." Jason's words were caustic and unnecessary but he didn't care. He was certain that his mother would just take this as another opportunity to preach to him the error of his ways.
Allison was taken aback by his last remark. She had never truly thought about the things she had said to Jason over the years. Had he really only heard that racing was going to kill him? Hadn't he heard the anguish at the thought of losing her son? Hadn't he heard the fear in her voice she felt about possibly losing him in the same manner she had his father? Hadn't he felt the love she had for her only son? That's all she had ever wanted Jason to understand – that she couldn't lose him too.
"Mom, what do want?" Jason asked as the throbbing at his temples amplified.
Allison stood silent before him knowing the reaction the words she was about to say would be met with. "A second chance," she finally eked out. It was now Jason's turn to be silent. "I know I can't change the past, but today showed me that I don't want to miss out on the opportunity to have a relationship with my son." Allison hesitantly moved closer to Jason's hospital bed. "Do you think we can start over?"
He had no idea what to say to his mother's request. There was certainly a part of him that wanted exactly that, wanted to start over. That's all Jason had wanted since his dad's death was to have his mother be there for him, understand and support him. However, there was another part of him, just as large, that wasn't sure what to make of her sudden change of heart. All those years ago she had basically abandoned him because he couldn't or wouldn't do what she wanted and he had fully expected her to use his accident as a springboard to continue her quest to get him to finally stop racing.
"Jason," her voice prodded him.
"I don't know what you want me to say."
"Say that you are willing to give me another chance."
Before he could stop them, the words left his lips, "I don't know if I can."
Allison felt her chest tighten at those words. She swallowed the golf ball sized lump that was sitting at the back of her throat. "I understand," she ultimately said.
"Do you? Do you really?"
"I know I've hurt you, Jason. And I am sorry."
"And that's just supposed to make everything better?"
Allison was stymied unable to answer him. In a perfect world, her simple I'm sorry would have been enough, but she knew that wasn't the case. "Probably not, but I can hope," she eventually said.
Jason starred across the room, purposely avoiding looking in his mother's direction. He didn't know what to say. The young man that she so willingly walked away from all those years wanted to kick her to the curb, his anger at her actions was still very raw. However, the grown man he was now knew that she was his last blood relative and after the events on the track that day, he was lucky to be getting a second chance himself. So, there he sat a tug of war playing out in his mind.
"I understand," she conceded. Her son's silence said all she needed to know. "I do love you." With those words, Allison quickly exited the room hoping to hide the tears that were starting to dampen her cheeks.
Elizabeth stood up when she saw the door to Jason's room open. It had been difficult to leave the room, especially after Jason asked her to stay but she knew that mother and son needed time alone to talk. Yet the tears pooling in Allison's eyes, led Elizabeth to believe that the conversation hadn't gone as the older woman had hoped.
The distraught look on Allison's face pulled at Elizabeth's heart. Stopping the woman in her tracks, Elizabeth wrapped her arms around Jason's mother and hugged her tightly not saying a word before disappearing into Jason's room.
Allison watched as Elizabeth vanished behind the closing door. She was stunned at the young woman's attempt of comforting her. Allison hadn't expected that in the least. She knew that Elizabeth Ryan wasn't her biggest fan, but in the moment that hadn't mattered.
Jake rounded the corner and saw Allison walking towards him. Her tear stained face didn't bode well he was certain. "Ali," he said reaching for her hands. "You okay?"
"I don't know," she admitted honestly.
"Did you talk to Jason?"
"Uh-huh."
"And?"
"I don't think he can forgive me." Allison wasn't sure what she expected to happen when she talked to Jason. Had she really thought that he would just accept her apology and everything would go back to the way it had been in their relationship? She wasn't sure, but hearing him say he didn't know if he could give her a second chance, pained her more than she imagined it would.
Jake wanted to say she was wrong, but he wasn't sure himself if Jason could. Maybe too much damage had been done in the years since Erik died to ever come back from it. "You don't know that," he finally said. "Give him some time. Show him with your actions that you are truly sorry."
"If he'll let me," Allison sighed.
"He will eventually. Allison are still his mother and he loves you."
"I hope you're right." Jake hoped he was too.
"Hey," Elizabeth whispered closing the door softly as she entered the room.
"Hi," Jason smiled, relieved to see her.
"You okay? Are you ready for some pain meds yet?" Even though he was trying like hell to disguise his discomfort, she could see in his eyes the pain was getting the better of him.
"No, I'm good."
"Liar," Elizabeth grinned.
"I'll be fine," he reassured her as he reached for her hand. Right away Elizabeth saw him grimace in pain.
"Sure, you will," she countered. "A little medication would help." She hated seeing him hurting.
"My brain is foggy enough as it is. I don't need anything to make it more so."
"Jason, you have a severe concussion and several broken and bruised ribs. You need to rest and the meds can help with that."
"I told you, you are all the medicine I need."
"If that were only true," she scoffed.
"It is," he stressed attempting to pull her closer to him but the stabs in his side stopped him.
"I mean it, if you don't lie still, I'm going to have Dr. Bennett sedate you," Elizabeth stated sternly.
Jason smiled at the petite brunette standing in front of him trying to sound all tough. It only made him love her all the more. "Maybe in a little while," he relented. He could see from Elizabeth's soft smile that she was pleased that he had finally agreed. "Right now, I just want to be here with you," he said lacing his fingers through hers.
"I'm not going anywhere," she assured him. "Close your eyes and rest."
"You aren't going to ask me what happened with my mom?"
"No."
"Why?"
"I figured you have had enough stress for one day and the last thing you need was to rehash that conversation."
"She asked me to give her another chance. She all of the sudden wants to be a part of my life again," he said.
Elizabeth figured as much something about the way Allison entered Jason's room earlier signaled a change. "We can talk about that later." Jason gently squeezed her hand and the way he looked at her in that moment told her he needed to talk. "Or we can talk now."
"I don't know what to think," he began. "I know why she's here at least I thought I did. I expected her to run the gambit on all the reasons why I have to stop racing now, but she didn't. She didn't say a word about my racing or the accident. She just asked for a second chance."
Elizabeth reached up and stroked his bruised cheek. She could see how much he was struggling.
"What am I supposed to do, just forget that she basically abandoned me?" Jason knew how ridiculous that sounded. He had been nearly an adult when Allison had left for Texas yet in his mind that mattered very little. He still felt abandoned none the less.
Elizabeth let out a heavy sigh. She understood exactly how Jason was feeling. Her father hadn't run away to another state but he abandoned her just the same.
"I have to wonder what brought about this sudden change of heart of hers?" he questioned even though he knew quite well it had been his accident.
"I'm pretty sure you do," Elizabeth said knowingly. "And I can't blame her." She had done the exact same thing as Allison. The minute she realized how badly Jason could have been hurt or worse, she ran to his side praying he'd be alright and that he would somehow forgive her. "I did the same thing."
"It's so NOT the same thing," Jason argued.
"Isn't it though?"
"No," he stressed.
"Hear me out," she began. "Up until a few hours ago, I had been pushing you away at every turn because of my own fears and stubbornness. How is that really any different than your mother? Just like me, she had her reasons for acting how she did. Were they logical or even rational, probably not but neither were mine and that didn't stop either of us from behaving the way we did."
"So, you're saying you want me to forgive her?" Jason knew his head was a bit foggy maybe he misunderstood her.
"You gave me, us a second chance."
"But I love you," he interrupted.
"And you don't love your mother?"
Jason closed his eyes and tried to gather his thoughts as that wasn't an easy question to answer. Of course, he loved his mother, she was his mom, but that didn't negate all of the agony she had put him through over the years. For him it wasn't so easy to forget that just because she wanted him to.
"I think we should table this for another time," Elizabeth said taking note of how pale Jason appeared. She knew that the stress of this conversation wasn't helping his concussion in the least.
"No, I want, I need to figure this out," he stated clutching her hand even tighter.
"Okay, just relax. Getting upset isn't going to help." She saw on the monitor beside the bed that Jason's blood pressure was beginning to climb.
"How can she just expect me to forget how she's treated me over the years? Can she really think saying I'm sorry is going to make up for all that?" Jason's voice cracked and Elizabeth could see he was trying to hold back the tears from spilling from his clear blue eyes.
She kissed his lips softly and ran her hand against his arm hoping to calm him somehow. "Jason, today I only got a glimpse of what your mother's life had to be like the day your dad died. I was sitting in that emergency room going out of my mind waiting to hear just how severe your injuries were or worse yet that you hadn't made it. I don't even want to think about my life if I were in your mother's shoes. The thought of losing you forever, I couldn't bare it." It was Elizabeth's turn to have her voice crack.
No matter how much pain it put him in, Jason reached and pulled her against him. In that moment, the tears that Elizabeth had been holding at bay since the minute she witnessed Jason's car hit the wall came crashing down.
"Shhh," he said as he stroked her chocolate locks. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to scare you like that."
"I know," Elizabeth agreed as she wiped the tears from her cheeks attempting to gain her composure and remove herself from Jason's embrace. She could only imagine how much pain the weight of her body against his chest was causing, but he wouldn't allow her to move and the selfish part of her reveled in his warmth. "Just for a minute, try to envision what your mother was going through. She lost husband, the man that she loved more than anything and then her son decided that he wanted to follow the same path. A path that took the man she loved away from her. I can't honestly say I would have reacted any differently than she did."
"Yes, you would have. You are nothing like my mom," Jason countered.
"I would like to think that I am, but honestly I don't know. I'm not saying that you should or shouldn't give her the second chance she's asking for. I'm just saying that now that I have had a minute to live life through her eyes, I am seeing the picture a little differently is all. No matter what you decide to do, I will support your decision."
"Thank you," Jason said kissing the top of her head.
"You up for some company?" Jake's raspy voice asked as he entered the room.
"Jake," Jason said suddenly sounding like a little boy.
"I'll give you two some time alone," Elizabeth said as she disentangled herself from Jason's arms as carefully as she could.
"There's no need for you to leave," Jake said.
"I know, but this guy promised to get some rest and it's my job to make sure of it. I'll send a nurse in with those pain meds we talked about."
"I promise to keep my visit short then."
"Thanks. I'll stop back in a bit," she said to Jason.
"You better."
Jake watched Jason watching Elizabeth as she left the room. He was so happy to see that the young man had finally had someone in his life that understood him. Sending him to Ryan Racing had initially been about keeping Jason's career on track, Jake never thought it would have additional benefits, but he was certainly glad it had.
"Like I said, I won't stay long. I just wanted to see with my own eyes that you were okay."
"I'm good." Jake cocked his brow at that comment. "Well I've been better, but I'll live."
"I wish I had been here," Jake said.
"You couldn't have changed what happened."
"I know, but I still wish I had been."
"You're here now and that's all that matters."
Before Jake could continue the door swung open and a nurse carrying a glass of water and small pill cup walked in. "Looks like that's my que to head out. I'll be back in the morning. Get some rest, son."
Jason closed his eyes and waited for the medication to take effect. He thought about his conversations with both his mother and Elizabeth. He understood what Elizabeth was telling him. He even could agree with her to a point, but he still couldn't align all of it with the relentless behavior his mother had displayed for so many years. No matter her reasons, Jason just couldn't simply forgive and forget. In his mind it was like telling her that the way she treated him was okay and it wasn't, not in his eyes.
Jason could feel the effects of the medicine beginning to take hold. His eyes were getting heavy and he did his best to prop them open. He wanted to see Elizabeth one last time before he drifted off but his body had other ideas and when Elizabeth poked her head in ten minutes later he was sound asleep.