Heart of the Infiltrators

(Senran Kagura x Male Reader)

Chapter 70: Inferiority… but it's a filler chapter with minimal plot that parodies Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

At some point in the middle of the night, Asuka blinked herself awake and lazily lifted her head in confusion. Seeing the trees all around her and the young man lying beside her, she remembered nothing from the previous day but convinced herself that she was dreaming. With a loopy shrug of her shoulders and an exhausted smile, she let her body fall backwards onto the blanket and cuddled herself into him. With a satisfied sigh, Asuka kissed the young man's cheek and nuzzled her forehead right up against his before falling asleep. The two laid there and nothing else happened for the rest of the night.

On the other hand, within a dream, something that absolutely bonkers was happening. Perhaps something scientific happened when an infiltrators forehead connected with a shinobi's for an extended period of time. Maybe a very strange magic existed in the world that affected the psyches of others. Or, more likely, the girl ate far too many snacks and had a fantastical dream.

Asuka jolted awake from her bed, "Agh!" and took a heavy breath as she looked around at the cluttered room all around her. She scratched the back of her head, recognizing the place as her home but also not even slightly familiar with it.

As she took in her surroundings, Homura suddenly lifted her head up from the same mattress that the pair were laying on and asked, "Everything alright, Asuka?"

The smaller brunette let out a louder scream, "BWAGH!" and fell onto the floor, hitting her head against the computer desk that sat right next to the mattress.

Homura blinked and stared with curiosity as Asuka gaped at every little bit of furniture in the one-room condo, from the lone chair sitting in the center to the mini-fridge buried off to the side. When it seemed as though she was done panicking, the tanned girl asked frankly, "Did you dream that you were a shinobi fighting alongside an ex-terrorist, who was never really a terrorist and was your love interest, against other terrorists too?"

Having finally processed all of her surroundings, Asuka turned and murmured with wide-eyes, "I… think so…?" before rubbing her temples, "But… was that really a dream?"

"Yeah, I had the same one," replied Homura before she stood up in her naked glory to make her way to the closet, "Anyway, c'mon. We need to get dressed for the party."

Letting out a squeak at Homura's lack of clothes and then another at the lack of her own, Asuka bashfully hunkered her body down before groaning tiredly, "What party…? Also, what is happening…?"

"Yomi's party," answered Homura before she began to dress herself, "As for what's happening, you're about to get dressed to go to said party."

With a low moan, Asuka murmured, "I don't think I can go…" before moving her hands to her stomach, "This whole situation is giving me a stomach ache…"

Suddenly, Yomi's voice rang out, "Please, don't tell me that you won't show up. I've been looking forward to it all week."

Another yell came from Asuka's throat as she turned and found Yomi, also naked, sitting on the mattress with a nonchalant expression. With a wobbly finger, she then pointed and asked, "What're you doing here!?"

Yomi blinked and tilted her head before turning to Homura, "She's a little… wonky this morning…"

"She'll be better in time…"

Retrieving some clothes from a pile in the corner, Asuka held out a hand and began to say, "No, no… hold on… I need to place what's going on…" As she began to count out her fingers, Homura moved over to help button her shirt, "I was in a forest… I was with… someone-, a not-terrorist… and we had a heartfelt talk…"

Yomi asked, "What'd you talk about?"

"That's the thing," sputtered Asuka as she flung her arms up, almost inadvertently smacking Homura in the process, "I can't remember anything else right now."

The tanned girl stated, "It was probably just an intense dream. I mean, look at the scenario."

Asuka whipped her head around and quietly repeated, "Look at the scenario?"

As if it was the most obvious thing in the world, Homura flapped one of her hands out, "You're in a forest, an enchanting setting," before extending the other, "and you're talking with a presumably attractive person who isn't a terrorist… with that latter detail being relevant for some reason…" With a shrug of her shoulders, Homura said, "That sounds like something that could only happen in Dreamy-Deemy-Land…" and gestured her hands to the door, "Out there, all you'll find is Canada."

"Huh…" murmured Asuka before she closed her eyes relaxedly, "Yeah, now that you mention it, that whole scenario does sound crazy-," but then immediately shifted into an alarmed tone of voice as her eyes peeled open, "Wait. Something about Canada?"

As if to confirm the girl's suspicions, Homura pointed to the mattress and crossed her arms expectantly. With a dark look of horror crossing over her face, Asuka turned around to find Yomi looking right back at her, not at all naked but dressed up as a red-coated Mountie and was sitting on top of Ryōna, who was wearing a horse mask. Looking like she was about to be murdered, Asuka curled in her bottom lip and bit down as her eyelids continued to scrunch up in fear. Then Yomi let out the one noise that could only come in one's worst nightmares as she flapped her hand up in a casual and friendly manner, "Eh?"

Asuka could only scream before rushing to the door, hoping to escape the terrifying land that she found herself trapped in. However, at the very moment that she made her way out of the exit, she found that a rave tent was pitched outside and extending across the front lawn and into the street. Several cars were honking their horns while the drivers were sticking their heads out the windows to call, "So-rry, but could you move your party off the street, eh?" and other such stereotypical things. Off to the side, actual red-coated Mounties were too confused about what they were supposed to do about a party tent in the middle of the street and began to question why they were even there in the first place before they made an awkward exit on their horses.

Clenching her fingers onto her cheeks and giving a hard pull, Asuka stared in bewilderment before Yomi rode Ryōna up next to her and said, "I know it's a little early for a party but you know that we just needed to have one… for some reason."

As though no more explanation was needed, the blonde clicked her heels into the side of her not-so-noble steed, who let out a pleased, "Ah-hagh~."

Yomi only uttered, "This is the last time I ever do something like this for you…" as she rode for the tent. The threat of not being able to do something which brought her such pleasurable pain brought even more gleeful suffering into Ryōna's next cry.

While Asuka proceeded to smack herself in the face, Homura walked by and stated, "I know that this all may seem weird after whatever dream you had… but just roll with it."

Still unsure, the smaller brunette raised her hand to make an objection of sorts but couldn't say anything as the other girl continued onward to the tent without pause. Forced to choose between facing insanity alone and with company, Asuka meekly made her way to the tent. As she made her way inside, she offered an apologetic bow and wave to the cars that were honking, "So-rry…" before clasping a hand up to her mouth and tearing up in fear.

As one of the drivers called to her, "Ain't no problem. So-rry for honking," and tipped his hat, the girl retreated into the tent.

Inside, she found that some of the people she knew were inside and having a fairly loud party as promised. Off to the side, Ryōbi was working at a juice bar and crossing her arms angrily at Yomi, who was holding up Ryōna and begging to return her steed for defective moaning. The brown-haired twin simply retorted that there were no returns without any receipts, which she never provided in the first place. In the meantime, Ebi, Miki, Sato, and Takatsukasa were sitting before a makeshift stage at a lone round table, driving each other crazy with an awkward silence. Presenting themselves up in a grand fashion, Hikage was holding a guitar over her head with her typical blank expression and Mirai was crossing her arms as she sat behind her drum kit. Leading them all at the helm of the stage, Haruka held up her microphone and let out a suggestive cry, "Now, this is a song coming from your~ leading band… The Boys!"

Standing towards the back and next to Asuka, Homura cupped a hand over her mouth and called, "But you're all girls!"

Without pause, Mirai proceeded to whip her arm back and threw it forward to fling one of her drum sticks. Before she had the chance to blink, Homura was beaned on the forehead and fell flat onto her back into unconsciousness. With a satisfied nod, mostly to hide her disbelief in having physically defeated Homura for the first time, Mirai produced a spare stick from the ground. From there, as though an audience member didn't just get assaulted, the band started to play and everyone else in the needlessly large tent just rolled on along, either conversing or shuffling to the music.

Having been deprived of her one friend who could stabilize the insane situation happening all around her, Asuka's knees buckled and she crouched onto the floor and began to beg for Japan. She knew that something wasn't right, between everything that had happened up to that point, and she knew that there were several critical details missing from her head in that moment… but, for some reason, she just couldn't bring herself to remember.

Then a hand patted her on the back comfortingly and she whipped herself around to assume a defensive posture, her hands flattened to chop anyone who would dare use her confusion to get an upper hand in a fight. Much to her surprise, she found the young man standing with an extended hand while the other held a package. In addition to that, he was also wearing roller-skates that blinked in flashing colors… and, if anyone listened closely, they could hear the faint sound of techno music emanating from them as well.

Holding his hands up in surrender with an expressionless face, the young man said, "You looked like you needed a pat," before he raised up the package in his hands, "I'm looking for an Imu? Miss Imu?"

"That's me," called the spectacled girl from the side before she launched off of her legs from a hidden corner and landed right next to Asuka, who yelped in surprise. Imu yanked the package out of the young man's hand, "Thank you," and proceeded to use her free hand to push him off onto his roller-skates in the opposite direction.

"Hold on," mumbled the boy before he angled himself to go in a giant circle, retrieved a clipboard from nowhere and threw it like a frisbee to Imu, "Sign the bottom." The girl caught it expertly before grasping her hand in the air for a pen, which the young man also threw to her. When she caught it and signed the bottom, the young man rolled on by to retrieve the clipboard and pen before calling, "Thank you. Have a good time."

Staring off after him while Imu pulled out a giant book titled 'The Art of Dere and Seduction 101' from her package, Asuka quickly whipped around her head and asked, "Who was that?"

Imu shrugged, "I dunno. A Rainforest delivery person."

Having seen all that she had so far that day, Asuka's mind instinctively jumped to the most outlandish possible conclusion, "You…" and rose her voice as she did so, "You mean to say that he's a messenger of the mystical monks or tribes that reside in the Amazon Rainforest!?"

Imu turned her eyes and stared judgmentally before answering, "No. I mean he's a delivery person for a company called Rainforest…"

"Oh," came a betrayal-tinged tone of defeat.

"Why are you so interested?"

Blinking herself back into whatever strange reality that she was in, Asuka smacked her fist down into her palm, "I don't know why but I feel like he can fix whatever is wrong with the world today," before scooting her head off to the side, "Also, he's hot." She then threw her fist into the air and demanded, "Quickly, tell me the website for Rainforest!"

Imu stared before stating, "Aside from me being able to say that you need to add a dot and a 'com' at the end… you could just look it up online."

"Oh, so-," started Asuka as she was about to apologize before she clapped a hand over her mouth and nodded meekly with a muffled, "Thank you…"

Before the brunette could hurry off, Imu quickly grabbed her shoulder, "Listen, if you're intent is to meet that guy… heed my advice…" and paused for dramatic effect. She then clutched her fist and shook it violently, "Date him. Date him, have Homura date him, have anyone date him."

Asuka blinked, "What?"

"Take him off the market," uttered Imu with her teeth grinding together, "so that I can have a chance…"

"A chance with what?"

"With who, actually…" rumbled Imu as she stared off to the side. Then, as her focus came back, she then spun around Asuka and said, "Go, go! Get him now!"

As several of the cars outside the tent continued to patiently wait for the party's end, Asuka was thrown outside of the tent flap and landed into the snow. After picking herself up and dusting off her legs, she then ran back into her and Homura's condo and launched herself headfirst into the chair in front of the desk, which promptly toppled over. When Asuka was back on her feet and pulled up the chair, she powered on the computer and patiently waited as all fourteen hundred and thirty-seven apps took their sweet time to load up. When ten minutes passed and she made no progress with her rapidly tapping finger against the desk, the brunette smacked the computer and it promptly loaded up. Just as Asuka was about to open her browser, she found that the computer had already opened up Rainforest's website and displayed a little message in the computer, "You only do traumatic damage when you hit a computer. Don't hit your computer."

Ignoring the message completely, Asuka picked a random item and placed her order before seating herself at the door expectantly. She clasped her hands and lowered her face as a predator would, listening for the slightest knock to sound against the door and eagerly awaiting the moment she would be free of the strange place that she was caught in.

Without warning, the wall behind her exploded into pieces and turned up everything within the apartment. The mattress was flipped sideways, the ceiling started to collapse, and the computer cried as its desk threw it into the air. Were it not for Bebeby being thrown through the dust and rubble to provide a soft landing for the hardware, there would have been a loud and devastating crash of metal and plastic. Stepping through the rubble once the building ceased its destruction, Murasaki meekly went over to where Bebeby caught the computer and gently set aside the electronics before holding her bear and uttering, "You should take better care of your computer…"

After pulling herself out from a pile of bricks, Asuka asked with the appropriate level of alarm, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING AND WHY DID YOU ALMOST BRING DOWN THE WHOLE BUILDING!?"

Murasaki's neck straightened in alarm as she remembered, "Oh," before she pointed her finger accusingly, "because you're going to try and date my delivery boy!"

Before Asuka could offer a rebuttal, the door, which was still standing by some strange way or means, was pulled backwards and landed onto the concrete outside. Standing just beside it was the young man, dressed as he was earlier, "So-rry, I know your house is coming down but I have a package." He then extended his clipboard down to Asuka, who was still buried, "Could you sign the bottom of this, please?"

With her arms pinned to her sides, she answered, "I can't. I'm stuck."

"Ah, I hate it when that happens," came a casual reply before the boy pulled out his pen and said, "Here, you can just scribble something with your mouth. It doesn't have to be terribly legible."

Interrupting from her place on the side, Murasaki waved enthusiastically while her voice came out significantly weaker, "Hello~…!"

The young man looked up and waved, "Howdily-doodily."

Asuka blinked, "You two know each other?"

"Yup. She's my hex."

There was a moment of silence before the brunette lowered her head, "Your ex?"

"Hex. With an H," corrected the young man before he offered the pen to Asuka's face, "Now, could you sign for your package."

"Wait," cried Asuka in alarm, "I have several questions!"

"And I have several deliveries," stated the young man before he shrugged and offered, "But I can offer the answer to our company's most asked question."

Curiosity ran through Asuka's eyes and she asked quietly, "What's that?"

Wiping his eyes clear of the dust and rubble in the air, the young man cleared his throat and announced boldly, "As a matter of fact, cockerels do crow whenever they feel like it. They only crow in the morning because they have an internalized alarm clock… or something like that." The young man then shrugged, "I won't lie, I skipped that seminar."

Asuka looked up to him with dotted eyes of confusion, unsure of what to say in the face of that fact, before she exclaimed, "Can you make the world better!?"

The young man blinked before stating, "If you're trying to get me to donate to some unknown charity, I refuse."

"No, no!" yelled Asuka as she proceeded to wiggle her head back and forth hysterically, "I woke up in Canada this morning but I'm Japanese! I've always been in Japan! I've never left it!"

The young man rubbed his chin knowingly before snapping his fingers, "It sounds like you were kidnapped."

"I was not kidnapped!" cried Asuka in a panic, "Everyone that I know is here!" before she then blinked and stated, "Actually, I feel like I recognize you too." After a brief moment of silence, she then asked, "Could you help me out of here? I have an instinctual urge to kiss you," before she went back to thrashing her head back and forth, "NOW I'M GOING CRAZY! I WANT KISS THIS BEAUTIFUL STRANGER WHOM I ONLY FAINTLY RECOGNIZE!"

The young man shook his head at the same time, "No kisses. See, I'm cursed," before he reached down and helped pull the girl from the pile of bricks without getting any scratches on her by some miracle.

Asuka then froze after hearing his nonchalant explanation and turned to face him, "Wait, what?"

"I'm cursed," said the young man before he raised a finger, "I have seven deadly hexes placed on me. If I date or even so much as kiss another girl while they're active, I'll turn into a fighter jet and accidentally start World War Three."

Narrowing her eyes, Asuka asked, "Are… you sure about that…?"

"The wizard who placed the curse seemed pretty convinced…"

"Why would he place that curse on you in the first place…?"

Then, from nowhere, Hanzō came over from around a pile of rubble in a purple wizard's robe that had flamboyant yellow stars stitched into the sides, "Because that little bastard insulted my hat!"

As Asuka did a doubletake at her grandfather's sudden arrival, the young man clarified, "It was one of those hats with the absurdly wide brim. It was asking to be made fun of."

"And now you're cursed to never kiss a woman forever through all eternity…!" cried Hanzō theatrically before he smugly grinned, "…Unless you either ward off the seven hexes… or apologize…"

"Out of spite," started the young man before he crossed his arms, "I refuse."

"Grandpa~," came a tearful cry from Asuka before she pleadingly clasped her hands together and rapidly explained, "You need to take off the curse so that I can kiss this boy and make everything better! The world has gone absolutely wild with nonsense today!"

"My pride bids that I refuse," said Hanzō before he clapped his hands, "Have a fun adventure, dear," before he disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Asuka started to ask with wide-eyes, "What is happening-," before she cut herself off and faced Murasaki with her fists raised, "I need to ward you off, hex!"

Before a fight could break out, the purple-haired girl proceeded to yell, "No – no – no – no – NO! I'm on your side! I want the hex to be warded off too!"

Asuka blinked and let her arms fall to her sides, swinging limply as she tried to understand the situation, "But… aren't you the hex?"

"No," answered the young man from behind before he explained, "See, the wizard saw I was popular with ladies and cursed everyone who was admiring me at the time. All seven of them now carry the hexes."

"Then how do we disable the curse?" asked Asuka with a scratch to her head.

The young man and Murasaki locked eyes before they both nodded and answered, "Whip cream must be applied from an outside source."

Asuka stared and opened her mouth to exclaim, "What!?" before she then remembered the particular wizard who placed the curse and that his antics often held a blatant perversion to them, "Oh…" After a few seconds, she then asked aloud, "Where would we get whip cream then?"

The young man looked down to the package in his hand, glanced around for any surveying eyes, muttered, "I'm going to lose my job for this…" and then proceeded to rip his way through the cardboard with his bare fingers to produce the necessitated can that sparkled in the sunlight coming through the door, "…but we have some."

Swiping the can from his hands, Asuka considered her next course of action before she flashed a dangerous eye over to Murasaki. The other girl almost took a step back in fear and hesitation before she remembered that rendering the curse disabled would allow her to potentially date the young man. But, before Murasaki could ask, Asuka shook the can violently and gutturally uttered, "I won't be gentle…"

The purple-haired girl could only cling a bit tighter to Bebeby and whimper as the brunette stalked closer and closer with a looming shadow.

Curse Disabled +15 Exp

As the merry band of three made their way out of the suburbs with Murasaki leading the way, still wiping cream from the corners of her mouth with tissues that the young man provided, they hunted their next grand target. Of course, Asuka needed no explanation as to where they were going. At that point, she already knew that the world was playing by the most ridiculous of rules. So, when she looked off into the distance and saw that Murasaki was leading them to a skatepark that had a half-pipe built as tall as the stratosphere, she already knew where their next target awaited.

Eventually, as they came to the bottom of the half-pipe with a crowd of girls wearing Hebijo Academy's insignia on their shoulders, they all looked up to find a woman, Miyabi, soaring down at high speed as the wheels on her skateboard were leaving a literal trail of fire down the wooden ramp. As she came closer and closer to the bottom, the flames had spread to the supporting structure of the half-pipe and the whole thing was beginning to topple over and crash into the city. Before that could happen, Miyabi pressed down on her skateboard and leapt from it to crash at the very bottom of the tipping half-pipe, using the momentum to bring its lifted pieces down and crashing the other way instead. Unfortunately, several buildings were still destroyed by the resulting destruction but nobody was killed and it did look really cool to the observers. In addition to that, Miyabi also got double the points for opening her mouth and letting her teeth shine at the end.

"That felt unnecessarily showy," murmured Asuka with eyes peeled open wide.

"I didn't know Miyabi could skateboard," added Murasaki.

The young man craned his head down, "I'm just wondering how she climbed to the top of that thing to begin with."

Suddenly approaching them from the side, dressed in a suit with a tangled earpiece wired to his chest, Oda cracked his knuckles and called to the trio, "Alright, you crazy kids… No approaching the skatepark! We have a show going on here!" The device on his chest then proceeded to beep and he groaned before placing on finger on the earpiece, "Yeah…? Yeah. Yes, I'm talking to them… No-, I can't. I'm working. Yes, I am. I'm doing it. I'm going to tell them to move."

As the large man continued his exchange, Murasaki started to awkwardly shuffle her shoulders, "Why is he going after us out of everyone here? All those other girls are closer than we are…"

The young man rubbed his chin, "There are two potential reasons… he either knows that I'm the one who's connected to Miyabi's hex and is therefore trying to prevent me from starting a world war, even if it means coming off as a bit of a dick…"

Nodding along, Asuka asked, "And the second option?"

"He's just really bad at his job and came to us because we look like the easiest targets to harass."

Suddenly, there was a sonic boom and the three looked up to find Miyabi flying through the air like a missile. When Oda cut off his radio to check the interruption, the woman theatrically, but needlessly, roundhouse kicked him in the face midair before landing in front of the young man. Once she was settled onto the ground, Miyabi huffed into her hand to check her breath, rubbed her fingers through her hair to make sure it was her usual style, and swung her shoulders around in preparation. She then beamed at the young man and started to say, "It's been a while since I last saw-," before she was tackled hard into the ground by Asuka.

"I WILL NOT LET ANOTHER MINUTE PASS IF I CAN HELP IT!" cried the girl, "I NEED TO ESCAPE THIS CRAZY PLACE!"

Miyabi could only look up in absolute horror as the can of whip cream was brought down to her. Her muffled scream would then ring into the air and all of her fans from before could only look on in horror as their idol was violated before their eyes. Doubly unfortunate was the fact that Imu had just shown up at that moment, ready to try out the techniques that her new book spoke of, and watched. As terrible as it was to see her best friend's mouth stuffed with whip cream, she also found the seen strangely erotic and proceeded to flop onto her back as her nose bled obscene amounts of blood.

Curse Disabled +15 Exp

Letting out a low moan of shame, Miyabi asked as they continued their way through the street, "There was absolutely no need to be so aggressive…" After rubbing at her cheeks, which were as distended as a chipmunk's with how viciously Asuka attacked her, the girl then yelled, "You realize that we want the curse off too! You could have just asked for me to stop moving and then did your thing!"

Asuka, following just behind the young man as he led the way to their next destination, turned her head around and asked, "So, why did you guys wait for me to come along and cure this curse? Couldn't you have just found any random person and have them feed you whip cream."

Murasaki shuddered and narrowed her eyes, "We initially placed an ad online to see if anyone would help…" before raising Bebeby over her face and moaning, "The only ones who answered our pleas were creepy guys that were too excited about feeding seven girls whip cream or amateur porn stars who thought we were a new studio using innuendos to keep the hiring ad clean…"

"The messages were very disturbing," nodded Miyabi.

"Well, why not have one of your friends do it?" asked Asuka, clapping the back of one hand into the palm of the other.

The young man answered from ahead, "If any of your friends came up and said that they wanted you to feed them whip cream, would you feel comfortable doing so?"

Asuka turned and shrugged, "I've never been asked so… I dunno."

"The answer is that they won't take you serious and will eventually tell you off for pressing further…"

"We're here," announced Murasaki as she looked ahead.

Placed before the group was a deserted city park, which was renowned for having random bits of icicles forming year-round. Some proclaimed that it was due to a spirit infestation and others claimed that it was the ninth wonder of the world, right after the giant ape that hosted its own theater performances in New York City every couple of years. But there were a select number of people who knew the less-than-inspiring truth…

Four cloaked figures stood at the entrance of the park and held their hands out to halt the quartet. One of them pulled down their hoods, revealing herself to be Yozakura, before calling, "You four who encroach upon this mystical place of some great and mighty accord…" and casually crossing her arms, "…will you need directions or perhaps you'd like to visit our souvenir stand?"

The tallest cloaked figure, Murakumo, suddenly pulled out a device with a giant red button from her pocket and pressed it dramatically. The ground in front of her opened up and a counter with several items featuring the park's name and logo rose up. She then leaned onto it and said, "Buy three, get one free sale. Ending in one minute."

Instinctively, Asuka reached down to her pocket to get her wallet, "Oh no! That's not a lot of time-," before she was cut off by the young man turning around and staring at her with complete and utter exasperation, "Oh… Sorry. I got distacted."

The boy then turned around and said, "Is Yumi okay for visitors?"

Shiki pulled down her hood and asked cheerily, "Are you finally able to kiss her?"

"Nope but we've got someone who can apply whip cream."

"Eh, close enough." The blonde then clapped her hands twice and paused. While everyone else watched, she then clapped another couple of times, paused, and then another couple of times, clicked her fingers, and pointed into the park. Shiki then turned back around and said, "That was me giving you directions. I expect a tip."

"No," said the young man as he followed behind Asuka, who was pressing onward.

Putting on her sad face, Shiki asked, "Will you at least subscribe to my online accounts…?"

"I already am. I even sit through your advertisements."

"Oh, you sweetie you!"

Just as Asuka was about to enter the park, a hooded Minori stepped out in front of her with an expression that could only be described as begging. While the brunette was left to wonder what was happening, the young man gestured to the can of whip cream and then to the younger girl's steadily rising finger. With a flash of understanding, Asuka shook the can and sprayed some whip cream on the girl's hand and watched as she let out a happy squeak and gobbled down her treat. Feeling like she'd done a good deed in the nonsensical world that she was trapped in, Asuka continued to walk onwards with a smile and wondered what awaited them next.

As the quartet marched towards the parks center, they heard the foreboding murmuring of a despondent woman, "This world is too mean… it is too cruel to the innocent… and is no place for true love…"

Before Asuka could ask who was behind the ghastly sounds, the young man called out, "Yumi! Guests!"

There was a stutter to the noises before they went completely quiet. Asuka looked around to the surrounding foliage and had to hold back a shriek as she spotted a pair of eyes glowing red as they peered from the bushes. Then, like a werewolf that could move as fast as a bullet, Yumi launched herself out of her hiding place and tackled the young man into the ground. Clenching his shoulders with a desperate look on her face, she growled through a pained grin, "Though you torture me by coming here without me being able to kiss you… I – am – so – glad – to – see – you…!"

The young man nonchalantly replied, "I'm glad to see you too."

While Asuka and Murasaki were still catching themselves from the surprise the older girl had sprung on them, Miyabi craned her head down and asked the boy, "Aren't you a little too calm about being tackled down?"

"I had a weird upbringing."

"Oh, I guess that makes sense… however much of an explanation it isn't…"

Asuka recovered and raised the can of whip cream into the air with a hiss, "Brace yourself, Yumi," before announcing with a challenging glow to her eyes, "…I won't be hold back…"

The woman released her hold on the young man and stood up to meet the challenge before uttering back, "Do your worst…" A few seconds passed before she dropped her aggressive posture and elaborated, "And I do mean… you know, actually do your worst." She then pulled up the young man by his collar and held him up like treasure, "I'd like to kiss him without risking worldwide genocide."

Their encounter ended as an anti-climax and they went on their way as a quintet.

Curse Disabled +15 Exp

As they powered their way down the sidewalk, sunset had come and the group found themselves approaching a gas station for snacks. Of course, it was only to cover up the fact that they didn't know where to go next as the young man was not able to keep track of the remaining girls. Upon entering the small building, a stern trio of attendants, Daidōji, Kiriya, and Rin, announced with their arms crossed, "Welcome!"

Recognizing her teacher among them, Asuka cried out, "Thank goodness!" and launched her body onto the counter to flop in front of him, "Super-Wonderful-Master Kiriya, please save me from the world! Everything has gone topsy-turvy!" before she then realized that he was a gas station attendant and asked, "…Wait, first off, what're you doing here…?"

Crossing his arms proudly, Kiriya announced, "I am qualified for several jobs… Shinobi, gas station attendant, lifeguard, football player, pregnant lava-hopping hockey player, ice skater-," before pointing over to the young man, "I've actually got roller-skates just like yours."

Everyone turned around to find that the young man was, in fact, still wearing roller-skates through all of their adventures. Yumi was the first to comment, "Now that I think about it, that does explain why you seem taller than I remembered… and it's only been a few weeks…"

"Have you been walking in those this whole time?" asked Asuka in complete disbelief.

"Yes."

"…You… haven't been using them to roll around… You've been walking around in those since we left home."

"Quit judging me. Don't knock the cushiony feel of roller-skates until you try them."

Shaking her head, wondering why she thought the young man would be able to fix her problems with a kiss, Asuka then turned back to Kiriya and asked, "Could you help me end this madness sooner?"

The man only shook his head, "No cheating," before he pointed to the window, "You still have to cure four more hexes first."

The brunette started to kick her legs around and whined, "But we don't know where they are! Please, Sir Merciful Kiriya the Great, end my suffering!"

"You know where at least one of them are," stated Daidōji, her eyes reflecting no sign of humor or dishonesty.

Asuka raised up her head and sniffed, "No… we don't have any more leads…"

"Have you not noticed the pattern behind the hexes?" asked Rin as she straightened her glasses, "Nothing… that could compare to a world that isn't so full of lunacy?"

Not realizing entirely what they were referring to, Asuka rubbed her neck in thought and tried to think of anything that went beyond the young man and all of his love interests… Then, just as Asuka almost snapped her mind out of the reality around her, Homura smashed through the front window and launched her arm to lift the young man off the ground by his neck, "You've forgotten where I lived again, haven't you!?"

Not at all affected by what would normally be a choking grip, the young man promptly yelled right back at her, "You first lived in an academy, then in a cave, and now in a condo! You want me to remember!? Stop jumping all over the place!"

"So you did know where I lived!? This whole time!? Why wasn't I the first one to be cured!? I was the closest!"

"I only just remembered!"

In the meantime, Asuka was reeling back from her other romantic partner's apparent interest in the young man, "You wanna kiss him to!? I had no idea!"

"I can say the same about you," remarked Homura before she gave the young man a shake in the air, which was intended to be playful but was more dizzying than anything else, "Though, to be fair, he's got some seducing features… so, we'll just play this scenario down casually, add him to our own preexisting relationship, and avoid all of the complicated questions that would arise in a more realistic scenario…" She then let out a lighthearted laugh and stated, "The only downside would be the fact that we can't use the L-word anymore…"

Feeling like her heart just snapped in two, Asuka covered her mouth and let out a choked voice, "We're… not in love anymore…?"

"What?" asked Homura with a quirked brow before stating, "Lesbians. We can't call ourselves lesbians anymore." She then gave the young man another shake, "Not with this guy and his appendage, we can't." After a few seconds, she then sighed and turned her head off to the side, "Damn… I managed to make an L-word joke but I can't think of anything accurate to rhyme with bi-furious… I mean, we're not exactly curious anymore… Maybe… bi-serious…? No."

Asuka's face immediately brightened back up, "Oh, that-, wait, what-, never mind. That works!" before her expression fell apart and she clasped the sides of her head, "Wait, why am I letting myself get distracted!" She then drew her can of whip cream and dived forth, "Hold on, Homura…! The curse comes to an end now!"

Still dangling from the tanned girl's grip by his neck, the young man inexpressively stated, "It's empty."

Freezing midair as she was about to collide with Homura, Asuka blinked before falling down to the ground. She gave the can a shake and felt her heart drop as she realized that the can was, indeed, empty. Letting a low groan, Asuka turned around to the attendants behind the counter, "You wouldn't happen to have a bin I could put this in and directions to the nearest grocery store…?"

Kiriya held up an empty bin for the can and then a pack of extra-large cans of whip cream, "If you'd like, I can save you some time and sell you these for a ridiculously inflated price…"

Asuka blinked a few times before letting out a weary groan, throwing the empty can into the bin, and reaching for her wallet.

Curse Disabled +15 Exp

Pack of Extra-Large Whip Cream -$29.99 & -$2019.85 in Tax

With her wallet more broke than an electrical tablet that faced off against a horde of aggressing hammers, Asuka stared forward in defeat while Homura was busy wiping her face clean. They continued down the sidewalk before the young man eventually asked the tanned girl, "So, you wouldn't happen to know where the other three hexes are, would you?"

Homura turned to him and grinned cheekily, "Come on, don't tell me you've forgotten everyone's addresses…"

"Only the one's that weren't obvious," retorted the young man before he crossed his arms and turned away, "…Which is my way of saying that I didn't remember anyone's location. Murasaki showed up and she guided us to Miyabi. Yumi constantly texts me her address and then you found us…"

"You'd remember us if our residences were a bit more obvious then?" came a low voice from Homura.

Knowing that he was about to have the tables turned on him, the young man barked, "Just point to them. I already know where this joke is going."

Without another word, Homura smirked and pointed down the street to large building with several flashing lights. The front sign read, "Ayame and Katsuragi's Semi-Final Boss Party and Guest Appearance of the Final Boss! Tonight! Characters who have made physical appearances are invited!" As the young man studied the building more, he then turned and found that several posters had been put up along the walls of every building on the street. In addition to that, there were also fireworks exploding in the air spelling out the same sign. If he looked out a little farther, he could also see his two brothers flying a pair of bi-planes with banners flying right behind them. Tsao was pulling expert maneuvers to make his banner seem much more flowing and impressive while Haruo was drunk at the wheel and diving his plane straight down to the ground, where he would explode and die in a fiery explosion.

"Convenient," was the only thing the young man said before he and Asuka led the charge forward to the party building, with neither of them acknowledging Homura's smug expression.

When they slammed open the double front doors inside, the group found that the building was mostly empty. At a single table among an ocean of other empty ones, Ikaruga was unsuccessfully trying to pull tens of mints from Hibari and Yagyū's mouths since none of them had eaten their entrées yet. In a booth placed on the farthest corner of the massive room, Chomubach was meowing frustratedly, "M-yer…" and trying to find a comfortable position to nap in on top of a bunch of buttons that controlled and mixed the extravagant orchestral music ringing throughout the hall. Sweeping a broom along the floor with an angry glower on his face, a man that had a nametag reading "Cleaner" was cursing his existence and the fact that he was confined only to a cameo role despite his recent finale. Finally, dancing around like completely doofuses on a wide stage, Ayame and Katsuragi were letting out quick yips and yells as they jumped between different poses stereotypical to kung-fu. Overall, it was probably among one of the most normal things that Asuka had seen all day.

Upon spotting them, Ikaruga offered a wave of her hand after she successfully pried away a mint from Hibari, which was promptly snatched back and bitten down upon with the full strength of the girl's teeth. Unfortunately, rather than getting the pleasant feeling of cool and fresh breath, she found that the treat was still in its wrapper and scrunched her face up in turn. While Yagyū went over to comfort her, Ikaruga dejectedly hung her head and spoke to Asuka as she approached, "Please, just end whatever madness is going on today…"

Feeling as though someone was finally understanding her plight, Asuka clasped her hands atop her leader's and cried, "You notice it too!? How weird everything is today!?"

As though it were obvious, Ikaruga nodded, "I don't care what state I'm in. If it's weird, doesn't fit the norm, or something beyond sheer craziness, I'd notice and call it out." She then crossed her arms and said, "Plus, not to mention the fact that we're all a bunch of Japanese-speaking people running around through Canada like we own the place. I'd guess that this is a mind trick or hallucination long before I'd even consider this being reality…"

Calling into a microphone atop the stage, Katsuragi cried out, "It's time to cure the curse, but prepare for the worst, as you're… gonna need a hearse…" and proceeded to falter as she tried to think of rhymes to get the party started.

Ayame then mercifully tapped her on the shoulder and explained, "Actually, that probably won't be necessary… There's only like ten other people in the building… eleven if you include the DJ."

Chomubach let out an annoyed, "Ray-r~…" as she struggled to get comfortable against a couple of buttons.

Letting out a sigh full of discontent, Asuka pulled out two different cans of whip cream and valiantly turned her head to Ikaruga, "Don't worry. After these two, there will only be one more hex to cure and then we can get out of this place… hopefully. I'm actually still not terribly sure if my plan is going to work at all."

Ikaruga gave a resolute nod, "I don't have any idea what your plan is or what a hex has to do with it but if it gets us out of Loonyville, however small the chance, go for it."

Hopping up onto the table and letting out a war cry unlike any other that she'd let out, mostly because of how unsure and high-pitched it was, Asuka jumped her way toward the stage over every possible platform and leapt like a tiger at Katsuragi and Ayame. Both of them extended their arms, "Whoa, whoa, whoa – whoa – whoa – WHOA!" but could do nothing as the brunette violently clotheslined them with her extended arms and threw them to the floor. As she spun around and readied the cans, the two girls glanced at one another frightfully before Asuka stuffed the whip cream into their mouths and pushed the nozzles with a less-than-combative scream.

Curse Disabled x2 +30 Exp

Combo x2 +15 Exp

Twirling the cans around on the tips of her fingers, Asuka blew on the nozzles and holstered the whip cream into her pockets. At the same time, Ayame and Katsuragi were coughing to clear out their mouths before the latter looked up and yelled, "You could have just asked us to submit or something! We wanted to be free of the hexes too!"

Without even glancing down, Asuka closed her eyes and shrugged up her hands, "If I did that, you would have tried to barter your way into groping me. No. With how today has been? No."

Katsuragi aggressively pointed up a finger, "I resent that accusation, however true it may be!"

Ignoring the blonde completely, Asuka called over to the young man, "Hey, where do we go next?"

Suddenly, everyone else around him turned and gazed at him both curiously and expectantly. After a few seconds, Yumi started to rub her chin in thought, "Actually, thinking about it now… I don't think I've ever met who has the seventh hex…"

"Neither have I," remarked the young man, which earned him surprised expressions from everyone around. When Asuka approached from the side, he turned to her and shrugged, "I don't know who they are." He then tapped his foot to the floor a few times before snapping his fingers and saying, "But, if I had to guess, this mystery person will probably be an allegory to a greater theme that will serve to teach us all an important lesson." When everyone continued to stare at him, he hunched his head off to the side, "At least, that's how I'd imagine a final boss to be…"

Suddenly, the front doors were smashed open and a cloud of smoke proceeded to spill in from the outside. A figure walked into the room with stomps that were meant to sound thundery, though the clicks of her shoes hitting the floor were mostly just obnoxiously loud. As everyone continued to stare, the person finally left the smoke and they all visibly gaped in confusion. Standing before them was a figure who looked exactly like Asuka but was devoid of any color beyond gray and black. Perhaps if there was an evil smile, she would have been intimidating… but the meek shiver to her chin ruined any chance of anyone being frightened. Still, points were given for her initial presentation.

BOSS: Nega-Asuka, a copy-and-paste printed when the office was out of colored-ink…

Seeing that the girl who'd entered the room was more frightened of them than the other way around, Ayame popped her head up from behind the young man and stated, "Oh! Oh – oh – oh! I know what this is!" She then stuck up a finger, "I've read books and played video games with this kind of thing," and lowered it to explain, "This is the equivalent of facing one's inner demons. In short, before Asuka can finish her grand goal, she needs to grow and develop herself as a person and character. Doing that usually requires learning a life lesson-," but was interrupted.

The real Asuka let out a loud and combative shout before charging her counterpart and tackling her to the ground. While the two wrestled with equal strength, Katsuragi followed the group up from behind and proceeded to nudge the young man with her shoulder, "This is a bit hot, isn't it? Two attractive girls who look alike-, twins, one could say-, twins wrestling on the ground? Kinky? Hot? No? Just me?"

The young man shrugged, "Eh, doesn't do it for me. I'm a bit more vanilla."

"Are you not looking at the jiggles going on in that fight right now?"

"If it was a movie or game, sure I would. In real life, I'm too afraid of being castrated to look at those bits intently."

In the meantime, using a force of will born from the confidence that she had in herself, Asuka finally managed to stuff the can into her counterpart's mouth and uttered in a legendary tone of voice, "Sometime before, I accepted you back into me…" before pushing the nozzle and roaring, "…but you are a piece of the whole! I will not let you control who I am!" Then, as whip cream filled the girl's cheeks, Asuka blinked and asked, "Wait. Why did I say that? Was there actually a moral lesson for me to learn?" before scratching her cheek, "This whole time, I was just going from one place or the other…"

Having been defeated, Nega-Asuka promptly disappeared from the floor and her spirit then proceeded to merge with the brunette. For some reason or another, the actual Asuka felt as though it were a heartwarming moment and was very confused.

Curse Disabled +15 Exp

Level Up!

Asuka's stats are now doubled. Hooray.

Throwing her hands up in victory while her face remained blank, Asuka had no idea about what came next. Then the power of the curse on the young man faded away and the boy began to glow. His eyes opened in shock and, for some reason, his body began to float up into the air while holy light and cheers flooded in from the front doors. If someone listened closely, a choir could also be heard letting out a few pretty notes to cement the occasion. Then everything fell silent, the light faded away, and confetti blew out from the young man's ears. He stared in greater confusion than before and flopped onto the floor.

As the boy picked himself up and rubbed his forehead, Asuka kneeled down in front of him and offered a hand. When he looked up to her, she smiled and said, "I couldn't have done it without you."

"I did not do a single productive thing this entire time that I've been here," answered the young man with his expression remaining blank.

"No, you have not," nodded Asuka as she gleefully closed her eyes, "but if you could end whatever is wrong with the world… that'd be something great."

"Alright," said the young man before he began to extend his face towards hers. Responding slowly as a pink hue colored the area around them and a romantic air flooded the room, Asuka began to lean her head down to the young man while all of the other girl's gave their approval in the form of salutes, thanking her for ending the curse. Their lips connected and the two exchanged a noiseless smooch.

But as the strange reality continued to exist despite the kiss, Asuka slowly began to open her eyes. She pulled back, blinked, and hung her head, "You know, I don't know why I thought a kiss would end this madness…"

Silence remained afterward and the two awkwardly blinked at one another. Then, just as the young man was about to offer some encouraging words, the ceiling to the building was ripped off and thundery clouds formed overhead. With a flash of lightning, Jasmine came down from the heavens, dressed in Arabic clothing that was typical to how a genie was imagined. As she descended, she proclaimed, "Twas I who put that thought in your head!" before more calmly explaining, "In short, that boy functions a bit like a magical lamp. You kiss him and I appear to send you back home!"

Asuka blinked up at her coming grandmother, unsure of how to react at that point. She then raised her hand, "Do I also get three wishes?"

"Don't be greedy," remarked Jasmine before she leveled herself to Asuka's height. She then took a long breath and said, "Also, I'm very sorry," before backhanding her granddaughter across the face and sending her flying up into the sky with a scream.

Just like that, it was over.

May 13 – "Some days just feel like dreams with how weird they can be."

Asuka awoke sitting upright and staring ahead, not taking in the surrounding woods or the morning light. She looked down to herself, found that she was still naked, and turned to the side to find that the young man was sleeping soundly right next to her. Then, as she processed what had all happened, Asuka let out a scream, "IS THAT IT!?" and startled the boy.

Once the young man finished his brief panic of shaking limbs, he looked over to the girl in alarm and asked, "What? Are you alright?"

"I'm not even slightly alright!" cried Asuka as she leaned over and gripped his shoulders, "I had the strangest dream that seemed so real and I finally began to adjust to all that was happening before Grandma showed up while I just really wanted to see what would happen next after that point!" After stopping for air, her eyes then narrowed accusingly at the young man, "Wait," before she leaned back and crossed her arms, "You didn't have anything to do with all of that, right?"

"I don't even know what you're blabbering about right now," remarked the young man in complete honesty as he threw up his flattened palms defensively.

Slumping as the memories of the dream began to fade from her, Asuka scratched the side of her head and asked, "Well… what was all of that about…?"

Seeking to do something that would restore some cheer in the girl, the young man slowly extended a hand to the side of her face and stated as he rubbed his thumb against her, "Well, I'm not sure if it was a nightmare or anything… but it's over now."

Feeling more than a bit relieved by the intimate contact, Asuka let out a long exhale and vented out her troubles. She then smiled at the young man and brought up her own hands to his face, "Yeah, it is," before she pushed herself forward, "Love you."

Before the young man could return the words, the girl kissed him. Though he started to return the kiss, the girl lowered her arms and wrapped them around his torso before pushing her body on top. As she started to get suggestive, the young man started to loudly protest and pointed out the fact that it was already morning. It would take some time to deescalate the situation, something which the both of them lamented, but they would eventually dress themselves and carry on with their day.