POV: Alex

Red brick, marble pillars, chattering of animals and the sweet scent of early spring. Just a wolf living in a crazy world, trying to figure out what is and isn't true. Hiding away emotions, and bottling up feelings. I really only missed two animals, one a little bit more than the other which made me feel guilty. But I couldn't help it, I loved Steven, and I loved Jordan. I needed both of them if I was ever going to survive, but as luck would have it, I was alone when I returned to school.

One step forward, two steps back.

I can't do this.

A hand was on my shoulder, my eyes shifted over to see Dad standing next to me. "Let's go in together," he said.

I breathed in deeply, nerves calming down, body relaxing, then I let it go. Hands shook as I held onto my bags, legs wobbling with each step forward, each tiny breath escaping my mouth, being led straight into hell. The hell where I had made friends, the hell where I had almost killed myself, the hell where I had found someone to love.

We entered the school, immediate stares from everyone around.

"...That's the wolf who ate the rabbit…"

"...He didn't eat the rabbit…"

"...That's not what I heard…"

Dad leaned in to whisper in my ear and said, "just ignore them, they don't know everything." For once in my useless life, I listened to him and just kept walking past the stares. There were snickers to my side, but nobody dared do anything with Dad by my side. He may have been an herbivore, but at least he was a tall, somewhat bulky red deer. Everybody was scared of him, and it made me feel a bit proud to have him by my side.

The principal rounded one of the corners. I never understood the real difference between a moose and a deer, but compared to Dad, he was massive. I couldn't stop staring at his antlers which jetted out, probably capable of killing me quicker than I could kill myself. "Mr. Kingston, I wasn't expecting you back so soon," the principal said, directing his attention to Dad.

Dad plastered a smile on his face, composing himself to become more of a sophisticated lawyer type then my Dad. "We just thought it would be better for him to be around his friends, rather than stuck at home. I'm sure you understand," he added, clearing his throat.

"Of course," the principal said, lowering his head just a little bit. "Well we have an excellent therapist here just for Alex. Would you like to meet her?" he said, his eyes meeting mine.

"Can I put my bags up first?" I said, wanting to create as much distance as possible. Putting my bags away was just an excuse, I didn't want to see Mrs. Carter again. Her office was always too nice, always too off-setting. I just didn't want to be in there, no matter how many times she tried to comfort me. But still, I wanted to get better, and she was the only option.

A tight smile formed on the principal's lips. "Of course you can, your father is welcome to accompany you."

Dad guided my shoulders towards the dorm, faking a smile to the principal as we moved out of his sight. He matched my pace, close enough for us to whisper and for nobody else to hear. "Ok, that man is seriously creepy. It wasn't like this when I went here."

"You used to go here?" I said, reaching out to pull open the frigid metal door handle which led outside. "I don't think I could see you living here for four years."

Dad shrugged his shoulders, hands in his pockets. "It was a long time ago, things were better back then, carnivore wise. The principal was this sweet sheep...she got devoured after I graduated...then everything went to shit." His eyes went low to the ground, but he kept his head up, straightening his eyes forward. "Honestly, I don't know why we decided to allow you to come here. But it's not like we could say no when you were accepted." He let silence fill the air, barren trees now showing some of their true colors.

"Do you even know why I got accepted?" I asked, kicking a rock on the dusty pathway.

Nepotism...probably.

Dad's eyebrows creased. "Your acceptance letter said something about grades and that you were focused and quiet, perfect for a carnivore in this society. They said you acted more like an herbivore than a carnivore."

"Sounds about right," I said, reaching the doors of the dorm building. "You don't have to come in with me if you don't want to. I'll just put up my bags and stall until the therapist comes to my dorm and forces me out. I've met her before but...I don't know, I don't want to do anymore therapy."

Dad sighed, looking off to the side. "They just want you to get better. If you're having second thoughts, you can drop out and we can enroll you in a different school." He scratched his head. "Although there really aren't any other high schools around here. There's the public school." He cringed. "But I wouldn't want to go there."

I grabbed the handle of the dorm building, looking back towards Dad. "I guess this is goodbye for a while."

"You can call me whenever you want, I'll always have my phone on me, and I'll do whatever it takes at work to make time."

I was going to open the door, but before I could, I turned back around and raced down the steps, hugging Dad tightly. My tail wagged behind me, brushing up the dirt on the ground. His corduroy shirt smelled faintly of evergreen trees, like walking through a Christmas tree farm. "I'm gonna miss you," I said. This wasn't a complete goodbye, but it felt like one. I didn't know what would happen now that Dad wasn't going to be with me, and it scared me.

"I'm gonna miss you too, but like I said, you can always call me."

"It's not the same thing."

Dad sighed, scratching the fur behind my ears. "I know, but you're gonna make it. These last few months will fly right by and it'll be like none of it ever happened. You'll have a fresh start as a new animal senior year, and life will be great."

"I'd like to believe that's true," I said, holding onto him for just a little bit longer, not wanting to let go. He was my shelter from the storm of emotions, steadying me through the hurricane, shielding me from the blizzard.

I pulled away, wiping my eyes from tears that threatened to be released. "Ok, I'll see you later." Dad smiled as I turned away, opening the door to the dorm building.

"...Wait, his dad's an herbivore…?"

"...That's Alex…"

"...Didn't he eat a rabbit…?"

"...Nobody knows…"

My hand hesitated over the knob of the dorm room, not knowing if I ever wanted to go back to my semi-normal life. My life was never going to be normal, not after everything that had happened. The whispers in the hallway were so loud, even if they were being subtle. I had to push through though, I needed to show that I wasn't who they thought I was.

With all the emotional strength I had in my body, which was not a lot to begin with, I opened the door. The animals inside froze as I was stared down by a hyena, red fox and German shepherd respectfully. But as they recognized my appearance, smiles grew and tails wagged.

"Alex!" Steven shouted, throwing his arms around me and sniffing me like crazy.

"Hi," I said, trying to regain balance from the force Steven crashed into me with.

Nathan walked to the side of the dorm, cocking his head. "Nice to see you back, Jordan's been missing you."

Dalton smiled, waving his hand in my direction. Sometimes I completely forgot about him and his confession so long ago. But it didn't matter anymore, I thought of him as my friend, even if I didn't think or talk to him that often, if any at all.

But the conversion that transpired after I had arrived was more of a black hole, sinking deeper and deeper into myself as I answered their questions with simplicity. Yes's and No's, with the occasional, "doing just fine." It was so easy to lie to everyone, even when I thought my poker face was the flimsiest it could've been. Either that, or they were resisting to talk about anything that had happened after the devouring incident.

The reunion of canines was cut short from a swift opening of the dorm room door, Mrs. Carter standing proudly in the dim light of the hallway.

She sees right through me.

"Alex!" she exclaimed, a slight flash of her feline teeth. "So glad that you're back and having a fun time with your friends. But I hope you didn't forget about our meeting." She tapped a claw to her watch, it was golden plated...or plated golden...or fake? Whatever, the watch wasn't important.

"Sorry," I said, rising to my feet. "Guess I'll see you guys later," I added with a solemn smile, returned with frowns all around.

Canines are such weird animals.

I followed Mrs. Carter out the door, she smelled oddly of roses. She sighed through her nose. "I find it quite intriguing that you still hang around them, after all, one of them did bully you for a while."

"You mean Dalton? He's changed."

Mrs. Carter scoffed. "Listen Alex, canines don't change. Anyways, it's not like I think of you as a wolf, you're much different from the rest of them. Almost...herbivore like."

Stop the conversation.

I thought back to what Dad had said about my acceptance letter and muttered, "you're not the first to think so."

"What was that?"

I quickly waved her off. "Oh, nothing. Just thinking out loud."

"Well there's one thing we should get out of the way, don't be afraid to speak your mind."

We rounded a couple of corners, passing more stares from animals, and made it to Mrs. Carter's office. There was a thick scent in the air, akin to her rose perfume...but much, much stronger. It practically melted my nose from the smell, and I had to cover it. Mrs. Carter gave me an odd look as she sat down near her desk and I removed my hand, self conscious about what I had just done.

I sat down in the chair she had provided, the red velvety texture shooting static electricity through my pants. My heart jumped in my throat, eyes widening for a second, receiving another odd glance from Mrs. Carter. I patted my pants, scooting forward to act interested, like nothing had happened.

She sighed, looking thoughtfully into the air. "The school doesn't think you ate the rabbit, evidence points to another carnivore, probably one not affiliated with the school." She covered her mouth and giggled. "Oops, wasn't supposed to tell you that." Her shoulders shrugged. "Nobody's here to stop me anyway."

My mouth was open in confusion, eyebrows furrowed. The only thing I could say was, "huh?"

Mrs. Carter chuckled. "Enough about the investigation, let's focus on you for now. So the plan, as of right now, is that each Tuesday you'll report here. You're allowed to come here anytime you want, but each Tuesday is mandatory, from the school of course." She scribbled something on a sticky note and handed it to me. "Here's my number in case you need to call me, but I'm usually always in my office."

"Thanks," I said, throat dry, still trying to process what she had said before. "So...I'm not part of the investigation-I'm not a suspect?" It came out with more excitement than I wanted it to.

"As of right now, no, you're not a suspect. You were originally because of your proximity to the rabbit, but I shut down their accusations quite quickly, and I did have a little help from you friend…" her voice trailed off, pursing her lips. "Jordan, was it? I believe that was her name. Well anyways, what's done is done. You're not a suspect." She sighed, touching fingers to her forehead as her eyes closed. "But one of the lead investigators wants to talk to you. I told him it's not a good idea, but he was very persistent."

One for the money, two for the show.

I stuttered on my words. "Do I-I need to talk to him?"

She kept her eyes on me, a slight slant on her mouth. "I don't want you to, but unfortunately, he's not giving us a lot of breathing room."

"Who's...who's the lead investigator?" I asked, swallowing a lump in my throat, clenching my fists in fear for the name of the bloodhound.

"I believe his name is Samuel? Big German shepherd."

German shepherd, lead investigator? This can't be a coincidence.

Mrs. Carter noticed my wavering expressions. "But don't worry about him, he just wants to ask a few questions about the rabbit, nothing else. Well…" her voice trailed off again, "he wants you to help out on the investigation since you're a wolf. I told him, 'what about all the other wolves in this school? Surely they're better suited at crime than Alex." Which he replied saying, 'I want Alex.' So I guess we don't really have a choice. If anything goes south though, I'll be there to shut it down."

I can't get rid of it, can I?

You're not the only adult who's broken my trust. What makes you any different?

Mrs. Carter broke the awkward silence between us. "Alex, do you have any questions?"

"Q-questions?" My eyes shot to meet hers, yellow. "Nope, no questions." I began to rise out of my chair, but she stopped me.

"We're not done yet, sit back down."

Dog.

That's what Dad used to end every sentence when he talked to me. Guess the fear is still there.

Like the obedient dog I was, I sat back down, heart beating faster than I should've. Too many thoughts were buzzing around my head, they didn't even matter. What mattered was the investigation, and my apparent involvement in it. Like, what the hell? Couldn't they see that I was severely depressed to the point where I've tried to kill myself more than twice. And yet, they wanted me to help with an investigation that I shouldn't have even been a part of in the first place?

What died didn't stay dead, I'm alive.

Mrs. Carter smiled, flashing all of her teeth. "Alex, my job is to make sure you feel comfortable here, and that you feel comfortable talking to me about anything that could be troubling you. I want you to know that I'm here for the long haul. If you call me at 2 am, I'll answer. If you call during class, I'll answer. If you ever need anything, a pass for class, an excuse to get out of something. Please, don't hesitate to ask me, I'm here to help you."

I nodded my head sheepishly, an awkward smile which exposed one fang, but left the other covered. Mrs. Carter chuckled, turning to her computer. "I'm sure you're wondering about your classes. Your advanced classes have been moved down to the regular curriculum, to keep the workload simple. Now I know you have friends in some of your classes, but your teachers have been notified about your situation. So if you ever need to leave to see one of them, they understand. I should also warn you, officers will be placed around the school for everyone's protection. Please steer clear of them and don't give them a reason to attack you." She sighed, slanting her smile. "Guess some of them don't even have a reason, do they? They just don't like wolves."

Sometimes you just don't know the answer.

Is it weird that I want Steven to kiss me right now?

"Alex?" Mrs. Carter said, "are you listening?"

I nodded my head.

"A verbal answer, please."

It felt weird to talk, to have my tongue move in patterns for words to be formed. "Y-yes, I'm listening." My eyes glanced towards the clock, wondering when this torture session would end. It wasn't really torture, I knew what torture was, I had experienced it first hand. Still, torture came in many different forms, physically, emotionally, socially.

Long story short, it was a bad time.

Mrs. Carter gave a slight wave to someone outside the door and stood up, walking past me and opening it. Brittney stood in the doorway, glaring at me with her auburn eyes. "Sorry to bother your session," she said, "but I need to ask you questions."

Mrs. Carter opened her mouth to speak, but Brittney cut her off and said, "Alex. I need to speak with Alex."

What the hell do you want with me? Dirt on Jordan? Another snarky comment as to how I'm useless? Probably wanting to creep into my head like you've done with everyone else? Hell no.

I didn't get the chance to reject as Brittney grabbed my hand and pulled me off the chair with surprising strength, standing in the middle of the room, not knowing what to do, but knowing I didn't want to be there anymore. Brittney rolled her eyes, pulling me past Mrs. Carter who rolled her eyes and closed the door behind us.

"Well, we're alone," I said, arms limp to my side.

"No we're not, she can hear us through the door," Brittney replied. She sighed, closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose. "You don't really know who I am, but I know who you are, pretty sure the whole school does. But that's besides the point. From an herbivore to a large carnivore who seems to be emotionally unstable and reckless, don't cross Mrs. Carter."

"What why?"

Brittney shook her head, moving a hand over her mouth in a zipper motion, then walking away in her red high heels.

Who wears high heels in school?

I turned back to enter Mrs. Carter's room, stopping as my hand hovered over the door handle, Brittney's warning replaying like a broken record in my hand.

Don't cross Mrs. Carter?

My head flicked back in the direction Brittney walked off too, eyes squinting as a red high heel rounded a corner. At the time, it seemed inviting to follow her, to ask her more questions about this suddenly mysterious therapist I was assigned. More like, forced to associate myself with. But even with the urge to follow Brittney, to learn more about everything, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was a good dog; I spoke when I was spoken to, I sat when I was told to sit, and I didn't cause trouble. Well, unless that trouble found me first.

But what if I...leave?

I turned back to where Brittney had rounded the corner, then to the door handle, my hand shaking over it. I released my grip on it, taking a few paces back as my eyes focused on the nameplate at the top of the door.

No, go back in there, she's trying to help you.

But before I could reach the door, Mrs. Carter opened it back up with that same smile on her face. "I hope you had a nice chat with Brittney." She looked at her watch. "It seems like we're out of time, would you like me to walk you to your dorm?"

I took a few steps back, hands in surrender. "N-no that's ok...I can go alone."

"Alright then, but remember what I said, you're not like all canines."

Faking understanding and gratitude, I bowed my head a little, walking and cringing from my tail hiding between my legs. It was stupid, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I was a canine after all, our tails told everyone what we were feeling, and there was no hiding it.

Mrs. Carter's chuckle could be heard throughout the hallway that I walked through, conflicting emotions and thoughts rising into my body. Mrs. Carter was there to help me, what other purpose could she have for being there? I just hoped that everything would work out, if I just...ignored all the weird shit happening, if I just forgot about it and focused on the things that mattered, everything would turn out just fine.

Never be so kind, you forget to be clever.

Never be so clever, you forget to be kind.

I pulled out my phone, scrolling through apps which hadn't been opened in months, and finding myself staring at Jordan's contact. A picture with her in her suit from the debate opened, one leg up as she posed with a tiny peace sign. My heart fluttered a bit to the picture of her, a smile creeping onto my face. Life was easy when Jordan was by my side. She made me feel whole, like nothing in the world mattered. And I missed her.

I dialed her number, bringing the phone close to my ear. She picked up after a couple of rings, her sweet but deep voice coming through. "Ok so I saw your name pop up and I started panicking so that's why I didn't answer immediately even though I knew it was you I just didn't know how to respond so I thought about letting it ring for a while then-" she took a huge breath, "I miss you."

I laughed into the phone, walking outside. "It's ok, I've missed you too."

"Wait, are you at the school?" Her voice rose in pitch.

"Yeah, I just got out of one of my therapy meetings. Mrs. Carter is definitely interesting." I looked back to the door which led inside to the school, wondering if Mrs. Carter could hear me. "Anyways, do you want to meet up?"

"Of course I want to meet up! Where are you right now?!"

"I'm walking back to my dorm right now."

"I'll be there in two minutes." The phone shut off and I sighed, smiling with excitement.

There was the stunning snow leopard, dark jeans and a smirk on her face as she approached. Her soft walk turned into a quick jog...then a full on sprint as she came crashing into me, laughing and smiling with her arms wrapped around me. "I've missed you so much!" Jordan said, almost sending me falling to the ground.

"I-I've missed you too," I said between breaths, constricted from her strength.

"You smell like you always do," she said, breathing in deeply from the sensation of her chest against mine, our rapid hearts beating in sync. "It's a good smell," she added before pulling away, a smile on her face.

Am I allowed to feel like this with Steven and Jordan, or is that wrong? Is it wrong for me to love both of them?

"You're staying for the rest of the semester, right?" Jordan said, eyes lighting up from the sun setting.

I shrugged my shoulders. "If nothing goes wrong, I'll be here until I graduate."

Her smile held something in it. It wasn't inherently sad, but it wasn't her usually bubbly smile. It was off-putting, like she was hiding something from me. And if she was, she was amazing at keeping her emotions covered. But there were always these little things she did when she was nervous, or when she was keeping something hidden. Number one was her smile.

So I decided to pop the question. "Jordan, is anything wrong?"

Her eyebrows raised. "Hm? Oh, nothing's wrong, I'm just excited you're back. I'm sure Steven is elated."

"Oh, he is," I added with a chuckle, mind going back to that night in my room, then immediately feeling weird for thinking about it. My spine tingled from the unbecoming cold. "Hey, maybe we should go inside, " I suggested. Jordan agreed and we walked towards the dorm buildings, talking aimlessly about school and what had been going on. Apparently, nothing interesting at all.

When we reached the dorms to part our own ways, Jordan creased her eyebrows, grabbing my hand. "Hey, do you think you could have dinner with me? There actually is something I want to talk to you about." She looked around. "But just...not here."

"Uh...sure?" Stepping off the concrete stairs together, we made our way over to the cafeteria which bustled with animals. Conversations could be heard all around, tiny whispers of Jordan and I as we sat down together. Just Jordan and I, doing our best to ignore the murmurs around us and the occasional head flick in our direction.

Jordan sighed. "Ok, last time I did this you got mad at me, so don't get offended when I say this."

"How could I get mad at you?" I added a smile at the end of my sentence.

She rolled her eyes, then put on a more serious face, leaning in closely. "Look, there's something off about Mrs. Carter. Brittney and I can't seem to figure it out, but we think Mrs. Carter was the one who ate the rabbit."

Even for Jordan, that was a stretch.

I narrowed my eyes. "I mean, she does give off some weird vibes, but look at me, I'm not really the most handsome carnivore either."

"That's-that's not it. There's no information on her, even when Nathan and I searched her up. We couldn't find anything on her, only that her husband was convicted of predation and was sent to jail."

"I don't know," I said, tracing lines with my stubby claws on the wooden table, "I think she just wants to help me out. Sure she is a little creepy, but so am I."

Jordan shook her head, tail flicking in the air. It always did that when she was frustrated. "Do you know anything about her? About her background? What she likes? Where she's from?"

"No but I mean we only had-"

"Then listen for once...for me."

I sighed, resting my hand on my cheek, staring deeply into her blue eyes. "Ok, I'm listening."

"Ok, the theory is, Mrs. Carter ate the rabbit because her status as the school therapist keeps her safe from everything. There are no eyes on the cheetah who's just trying to help the mentally ill. And because of her unknown, yet clean record, she's capable of anything."

"But if she really was the killer, then why would she actively support the investigation? What's the point?"

"That's what we came to as well. We were like, 'so what's all this for? What's the point of treating you?' then we came to the conclusion that she has the police force around her fingers, spreading tiny breadcrumbs in different directions. Basically, she's leading them on a wild goose chase that leads nowhere."

"And she's doing all of this, just because she doesn't want to be found out that she ate the rabbit? I'm sorry, Jordan, it just...doesn't make any sense." I stood up, a little bit tired of hearing her talk about the cheetah who was supposed to help me. I wanted her to help me, I wanted to get better, I wanted life to go back to normal.

Jordan quickly rose from her seat, grabbing my hand. "Don't leave again." She let go of my hand as I turned around to face her. "I'm just worried for you, I don't want you getting hurt again. You have scars on every part of your body." She touched the scar on my cheek, the one which almost got my eye. "I don't want you to get anymore scars."

I moved her hand out of the way, keeping my composure. "Jordan, it's just all so convoluted if it were true. I want her to help me, I want to feel good about myself. I don't want to walk around the school feeling like I'm worthless and useless to the world. I'm tired of feeling like shit every morning, and I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself."

Jordan sighed, eyes to the ground. "I get it. I hate it, but I get it." She tilted her head. "Anyway, it's just a theory, we could be totally wrong about her. She could just be another weird animal like Nathan."

"You seem to be getting closer to Nathan, didn't you think he was creepy like Mrs. Carter?"

Jordan walked in front of me, rolling her eyes. "Yeah, but that was before I actually got to know him. Besides, he's helped me through a lot ever since you...left."

"Sorry about that," I said, stuffing my hands in my pockets as we made our way outside, the bitter cold blowing through our jacketless bodies. I thought spring was coming because of the temperate mornings, but the nights were still frigid.

She looked into the sky, stars making their appearance fashionably late from the street lamps. "It's fine."

"You know," I said, standing next to her, "a friend once told me you can wish on a satellite."

"They must be very wise."

"They are."

A tiny smile creeped across her face as she grabbed my hand. "You know, we may not be ok, but I feel ok when I'm with you. Sometimes I find the feeling fading away, like I never... loved you in the first place. I know it sounds weird to say, and probably a bit mean, but I think I'm getting over you. I think...life has different plans for me."

She's moving on...and I'm stuck in the same place I've always been in.

God, what is wrong with me?

Why can't I just be happy for once?

Why can't I just...feel something other than nothing?